[A title screen shows the name of the program, “Family Freud” in heavily stylized letters against a background that looks like old-fashioned television static. A repetitive, non-copyrighted song place on an endless loop for half an hour before the program starts.]
[At exactly 11 p.m. EST time, the title fades away. Slowly, the static begins to resolve and there is a smiling woman, sitting behind a desk. She is the HOST – FILIA SOROR. Filia Soror is a tall, thin woman with long, dark brown hair, tanned white skin, a broad forehead with narrow eyebrows, large almond-shaped blue eyes, a small perky nose, high cheekbones, a wide mouth brimming with white teeth, and a small, rounded chin. She has a lithe build with small, perky breasts, a narrow waist, gentle hips, and long legs. The set looks a bit like a local television newscast. Filia Soror is sitting behind a desk, her body only visible from the waist up. She is wearing a tight black dress with a plunging neckline and no sleeves. Her eyes sparkle as she tosses her hair side to side.]
FILIA SOROR: Good Evening everyone! And welcome to America’s favorite (and only) taboo game show “Family Freud”! I am Filia Soror, your gracious mistress of ceremonies. Now, our analytics guys tell us that if you are watching the show tonight, you are already a dedicated fan and you know all the rules and exactly what you are going to see tonight. Seriously, tell your friends, we need to grow our audience.
FILIA SOROR Cont’d: But on the off chance that you are a new viewer or are just so horny that you can’t remember the rules, let me tell you how this game is going to work. Tonight, just like every Friday night, we have three new families (two family members on each team) who will compete for a fabulous payday. Amber, how much did our champs win last week?
AMBER [a disembodied, female computer voice]: Last week’s champions, Meredith Goldberg and her father Richard took home $31,500.00
FILIA SOROR: Thanks, Amber. And Congratulations again to the Goldberg family. Our legal department fielded over twenty complaints from various law enforcement agencies all over the North American continent. We couldn’t be more proud!
FILIA SOROR Cont’d: Contestants on “Family Freud” are selected following a rigorous background check. The important thing to know is that on each family team, only one contestant is aware of what “Family Freud” is and how the game works. That informed contestant convinces a close relative to come play our “family-friendly game” for a chance to win big money. The uninformed contestant will learn about the game as it goes on.
FILIA SOROR Cont’d: The format is simple – We initially have rounds of mental and physical challenges that test the bonds of family and the desire to make a whole lot of dirty money! We will explain the rules to each round. After the third round, the team that is in third place in the money count is eliminated, though they have a chance to earn a consolation prize. A final Showdown round determines the winner. Amber can you introduce us to our contestants tonight?
[Screen fades out and then fades back in, showing ALEXIS MCCLEOD. It is a fully body shot of ALEXIS looking nervous backstage in front of a wall that says “Family Freud.” She is 5’5, has pale white skin, shoulder length auburn hair, innocent brown eyes, a slightly wide nose, and a shy mouth with thick lips. She has a long, slim neck, small breasts and a dramatically narrow waist with wide hips. She is wearing a thin white cardigan with a blue t-shirt underneath and a long, dark skirt]
AMBER: Allow me to introduce Alexis McLeod. She is the informed member of the McLeod family team. Alexis is 23 years old and is attending graduate school. She says she has been watching our show for two years and signed up after watching four episodes.
FILIA SOROR [not visible on screen]: Welcome Alexis! Glad you could make it. Would you mind telling the fans at home why you decided to sign up?
[Amber blushes deeply and can’t quite look directly into the camera. She shrugs twice before speaking]
ALEXIS: We, my brother and I, we both need money for school. We get along okay, I thought we should at least try. Really, Filia, I never thought you’d call me up!
[Something about Alexis’ blushing nervousness creates the impression that she isn’t being entirely honest about her motivations for being on the show.]
FILIA SOROR: When the producers saw your ass in your photo samples, they demanded that I give you a call! Alright, let’s meet your brother!
[Alexis smiles awkwardly, but the screen fades out. Fades back in, showing FREDDY MCCLEOD. Again a full body shot in front of a wall that says “Family Freud.” He seems more comfortable, a common occurrence for the uninformed contestant. He is 5’8 and has a face that looks remarkably like his sister’s. His hair is the same color but much shorter, nearly a crew-cut. His shoulders are somewhat narrow and he is slim youthful-looking. He is wearing a plain, dark blue button-up shirt and khakis.]
AMBER: Allow me to introduce Freddy McLeod. He says he is excited about the prospect of helping his sister make a little money for school. He is 18 years old and starting college himself in a couple of months.
FILIA SOROR [not visible on screen]: Welcome Freddy! We are so glad you could make it. I am told you have never seen an episode of this show. What’s your best guess as to what you’ve got yourself into here? What do you think our game is?
[Freddy blushes a little, looking more like his sister. And shrugs.]
FREDDY: Honestly? I figured it was some sort of online rip-off of like…Family Feud or something.
FILIA SOROR [laughing gently]: Oh I think you will be pleasantly surprised Freddy! No feuds here, our show is all about love! Alright, Amber, who is on our next team?
[Screen fades out. Fades back in, showing KASSIE MORGAN. Full body shot in front of a wall that says “Family Freud.” She is 5’2 and has cocoa black skin. She has very long hair pulled back in long braids. She has large, round dark eyes and a wide, short nose. She has a wide mouth and a slight gap between her middle teeth. She has a somewhat scrawny build with small breasts, a thin waist, narrow hips, and long, slim legs. She is wearing a white tanktop shirt and a short, black pleated skirt with knee-high socks underneath.]
AMBER: Allow me to introduce Kassie Morgan. She is the informed member of the Morgan family team. Kassie is 20 years old and is attending a rising college junior. She says she has been watching our show for a year and signed up after watching a single episode.
FILIA SOROR [not visible on screen]: Welcome Kassie! We are so excited having you on our show. How did you know after a single episode that this was something you wanted to do?
KASSIE [biting her lip seductively]: Actually, Filia (and can I say that I am a HUGE fan?), the first episode I saw, I didn’t see live. I saw it a couple months later and it was the episode that Kylie Carranza won. And I just saw how it made her influencer career just take off. And I just thought it looked like fun! What a good way to become more famous!