“What are you thinking?” Evan had come out to offer her a cup of coffee.
“I’m thinking how you might blossom the way Brad has. If I cared for you the way his wife has.”
“Is that what you want to do?”
“Ask me when I’m sober. If that ever happens. What are we doing?”
“You are going to go back inside and use the bathroom. Then you are going to get in the back seat of your mother’s car. With a barf bag. And try to doze off. I’m going to sit up front with her and talk to her to keep her awake.”
“We’re leaving now?”
“Now. Look, all you need to do is get yourself in the car.”
She tried to pee, but there was nothing left to come out. She had purged everything. No coffee then. Better to leave well enough alone. Into the back seat of the Olds then. Usually Evan sat with her and the two of them would be naughty while her mother was hopefully keeping her eyes on the road. Not this morning. There was enough room for her to lie down. She had dozed off before the car started.
“What happened to her?” Ann’s mother was hissing over the muffled roar of the engine as the car got into motion.
“She was like this when I picked her up. In a mood and wasted to boot. Something about five beers at the lake, the one at the airport, and then they got upgraded to first class so they had free drinks all the way home.”
“Oh dear. I hope this is not the start of something. Her father had a drinking problem. Seems to go with being a squarehead.”
“Really? I thought it went with being Irish.”
“Why so many beers at the lake?”
“You don’t really want to know. I made the mistake of asking her that question. I told her before this trip that she should get it out of her system.”
“Her crush on Brad? I told her the same thing.”
“Well apparently they were doing that. Maybe over doing it. Then she said something really odd. I didn’t catch it at the time, but now it is really strange. Maybe it’s the Greek theme of the wedding. She said after all that they ran into another couple. And Brad …ah … had sex with them instead.”
“Oh. He’s gay?”
“I don’t know.”
“Evan dear, I need to ask you a very personal question. That thing Ann was wearing? What was she doing with it?”
“She was, ah, sodomizing me.”
“Oh. I had heard that was the fashion now. Evan, I have to ask you. Have you ever done that with other people? With … other men?”
“You know that Ann has had girlfriends.”
“I guess I know that. I know she was very troubled by some of the things that happened in college, things that she hated, things she liked that she shouldn’t have. You didn’t answer my question.”
“A very long time ago.”
“In college?”
“Before that.”
“High school?”
“Before that.”
“Oh. Oh my. You weren’t one of those poor boys they talk about on the news?”
“I was an altar boy. It was part of my training.”
“What.”
“They made it seem very routine. It was part of the curriculum. There were training sessions with the boys and the priests together and the priests would demonstrate on the older boys and initiate the younger ones. Into a sacred mystery. It was so much pleasure. So addictive.”
“And?”
“I got too old. Then I started to play sports and all the kids were making jokes about fags. So I just shut up about it, tried to pretend it had never happened.”
“Evan, there were some pictures in that suitcase. Do you know anything about them?”
“Not very much.”
“Why would she have them in her suitcase? The one of the girl dancing looked like her.”
“Yes.”
“And the other one?”
“Mrs. Lindsen, you really need to have that discussion with her. If you want to. I don’t think you were supposed to see those pictures.”
“What am I supposed to say? Ann darling is that really a picture of you – how did you put it – being sodomized by a black man?”
“Sam Minton.”
“The singer? He was on Lawrence Welk a few times, years ago. I hope he’s better at that than he was at singing.”
“He’s very big.”
“Yes I could see that.”
“I mean in the country western music world.”
“Oh.”
There were choking sounds from the back seat. “Honey, are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” More chokes, then giggles. “I’ve been awake. For awhile.”
“Oh. Oh dear. You’ve been listening to us?”
“Listening to how much you love me. How much I’ve let you down.”
“Dearest, we both told you that you needed to work it out with Brad.”
“And his wife told him the exact same thing. But I went, way, way beyond that. So did he, maybe because I dragged him into it. Look, I promise you when I feel better, when we get this stupid wedding behind us, I’ll tell you everything. Every sordid detail, if that’s what you want. And if it isn’t, I won’t force it on you.”
“And your next trip?”
“One thing at a time. Okay? There might not even be a next trip.” With that, Ann closed her eyes again. Evan and her mother didn’t talk much the rest of the way.