“I promise, Mina,” she said, her voice a little unsteady. I noticed her head kind of made small erratic movements when she was nervous.
I exhaled slowly. I looked at her, but didn’t know where to begin. To cut the tension, she reached below the dashboard and pulled out some gum, offering me a piece. “Chewing will help you feel less nervous,” she told me gently. I obeyed and took a piece of the mint gum into my mouth, and she followed suit.
“Yeah, I got together with Johnny to make you feel better,” I admitted, to both her and myself. “I started talking to Lucy again for the same reason. I’m doing it for more reasons now than just you, obviously, but that’s how it started. I mean, accuse me of whatever you want, but I put in the effort.”
“I’m not accusing you of anything,” she told me gently.
The car was filling up with her scent. I could feel myself throb. I only really now realized how close I was to this idol of sexuality. I passed off my squirming in my seat as nervousness. “Johnny is sweet, but… I just…” I trailed off, wanting her to finish my sentence, but no such luck. “I just don’t think I’m into guys. At all.”
Ms. Wagner nodded, understanding, but silent so as to make me continue. My heart started beating faster. “I’m really nervous about telling you this next part. I feel like if you hear it you won’t uphold your end of the bargain.”
“I can kind of guess what it is, but I’m a woman of my word. Tell me what it is and since you’ll have told me, I can’t use it against you. If not, I might have to act based on my own assumptions.”
Oh, she was good at this. I breathed slowly. “My crush on you is still as powerful as ever. Hell, it’s stronger than ever. I can’t not think about you every day. Getting to see you every day has been… I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s better than either of the alternatives we talked about, but it’s still hell for me. Every…” I breathed again. “Every time I kissed Johnny in front of you, if felt wrong, like I was kissing the wrong person. I get it can never happen, and you’re my teacher and all that, but like you said, in here we can ignore that so I’m just telling you that here and now. It felt wrong kissing Johnny. It feels wrong being with a boy. It felt wrong blowing him, for Christ’s sake.”
“You blew him?” she asked in a low voice.
“Yeah, I-” I cut myself off, opening the door and spitting the gum out, then shutting it. “Sorry, it’s hard to rant with that in your mouth.”
She chuckled lowly and softly. “I think we’re beyond the nervous point.” She followed suit, spitting her gum out the window.
“Anyway, yeah, we fooled around together, we make out at school, and like, it’s this weird thing where sometimes I’m even the one to initiate it, but I never want it, you know?”
“What is it you want?”
I laughed. “I can’t answer that honestly.”
“What. Is it. You want?” she repeated emphatically.
I stared at her. A few silent seconds of pure tension passed. “Yeah, okay, I want you,” I answered honestly. “My relationship with Johnny is a facade. It’s… it’s fake. But I know that if I actually let you know about my true feelings, bad stuff would happen. I did this for me, just like you said, but I also did this for you. Just because I have a crush on you, it doesn’t mean I’m going to go against your wishes for space, huh? Isn’t caring about you what love is, even if it sucks for both of us?”
“You have a good sense of – you’re mature, Mina. Romantically.” Her voice was kind of shaky. “I’m surprised someone your age can understand their feelings that way.”
I chuckled, looking away from her, at the dashboard. “Yeah, well, it didn’t do me any good, did it? Here I am, trapped with a boy I don’t really care about that way, confessing to the woman I can never be with, and it’s probably going to be weird again tomorrow.” I left a pause for her to talk, but she didn’t. “Although it feels good to get this stuff out. If I was graduated… nah, that’s weird… if I was a different person, I would have just wanted to ask to kiss you so badly. Since we’re being honest.” Another pause. She didn’t take this one either. “But you already rejected me once, so this is way easier. It’s not the end of the world, I’ll keep on living. You know?”
I finally looked back at her. She was giving me that same lowered-eyebrows squint-stare. A silence the length of eternity passed between us, and I could hear her nasally sigh with her mouth closed again. It also lasted an eternity.
Slowly, she reached for her seatbelt and undid it, letting the seatbelt go past her head. I was worried. Did I make her uncomfortable enough that she felt the need to exit the car? Were we going to go on a walk together or something?
Suddenly, out of nowhere, she lunged forward. I barely realized what had happened before her lips were on mine. My skin began burning and jolting with electricity. She was kissing me, she was fucking kissing me! I practically convulsed on the spot as my eyes closed and I began moaning into the kiss.
She was an expert kisser. Every movement of her lips danced along my skin and made me feel tingles in places I didn’t even know exist. Her scent was stronger than ever. Her body was practically mashed against mine due to the awkward placement of being in her car, but I actually kind of liked that. It made it feel like she was in total control, and that I was her plaything. I tried to keep up as best as I could, but I felt like a novice in the presence of her expert kisses and the way they made me feel.
She broke away so we could both go up for air. We were both panting, and there was no mistaking it, there absolutely was something in her eyes. Something I had never seen in her eyes before.
“Was it everything you dreamed it was?” she asked, huskily, in what felt like a new voice. She didn’t even sound like Ms. Wagner. She sounded like a new creature.
I couldn’t control my breathing, or the slow way that I blinked. It was like I was in a dream. “Kiss me again,” I could barely breathe.
She didn’t need me to ask her twice. In a flash, her lips were on mine again, our symbol of passion unmistakeable. This was it. I was kissing Ms. Wagner. Our lips were fighting each other hungrily, a contest of who wanted it more, and Ms. Wagner fought harder than even my deepest fantasies had hoped. I thought my pussy had throbbed before – I was wrong. It never truly throbbed before this day.
Expertly, eagerly, her mouth opened and her tongue probed my mouth. I was lucky I knew at least the basics from Johnny. I accepted her invitation gleefully and our tongues met and battled as moans escaped from both of our bodies. My hands awkwardly but eagerly roamed her body, and settled on looping around her. Ms. Wagner’s hands had settled for being on my shoulders, dominantly holding me in place.
This still felt surreal. I couldn’t believe this. She wanted me. On another level, this felt completely natural. I knew that she was hiding something behind that smile. I could just feel that she was going to be one of the most sexually aggressive people alive behind closed doors. And now, the doors were wide open.