Understanding that I was allowed to do so at this point, I slipped my hand into my kimono and pleasured myself too, unapologetically, like the naughty girl I was.
How wonderful it felt. How purely rapturous. Not the physical pleasure, but the pleasure of a bird in a much too small a cage finally set free to soar high in the sky for the very first time.
Shortly, I sensed her rising ecstasy. “Oh, please Niko, keep going,” she begged. I licked more hungrily. She watched me lick with flickering eyes while she rubbed herself ever more quickly and trembled ever more violently until the moment came and she threw her head back and she let out a cry that sent a flock of swallows up from the tall grass.
Happily, I let her enjoy her moment of ecstasy. But I still had to finish. I still had to release the tight coil in my hot core. So, I continued pleasuring myself. As I was already on the edge, it did not take too long before I fell. I bit into my fist to stop myself from making too loud a noise so as to not disturb my lady’s peace while my pleasure fluttered wildly.
After finishing, I collapsed onto the ground, and I shut my eyes to let my mind stew in the beautiful moment, nevermind the insanity of what had just transpired. Nevermind that I took such immense pleasure from such a strange and perverted thing as putting my mistress’s foot in my mouth. Nevermind that she too took immense pleasure in it.
A moment later, I remembered that she had a lesson on tea ceremonies to attend shortly. It was important that she did not miss it, in fact, because she was to meet the tea master Rikyu for her lesson, and master Rikyu could get quite impatient. I roused her gently from her dreamy stupor. I put her stocking back on, then we walked together back to the manor. We walked and did not say anything to each other, as if all we had ever done just now was to have a walk.
When we had returned to the house, we found master Rikyu waiting for her at the steps of the tea house in the garden, a bouquet of delicate and recently snipped branches with delicate flowers in his hands. He was there to teach her the art of flower arranging — Ikebana, or giving flowers ‘life,’ as it were. Ironic, given that the flowers in his hands already had life in the garden he had snipped them from.
Just before we were within earshot of master Rikyu, Evelyn put her arm across my front to stop me, then she turned to face me and said, “what happened cannot happen again. We do not speak of it ever. You seduced me to partake in your perversion and you must never do it again. We never speak of it again. It did not happen. Understood?”
And just like that, I knew how fast a heart can shatter. But I conveyed no emotion to that effect. Instead, I did the best I could to hold myself together and simply replied, “Of course madame,” then we continued walking arm in arm. I handed her off to master Rikyu, then returned to the garden where I continued with the task of sweeping leaves from the path.
***I understood her. I could sympathise. She was beholden to a certain manner of being just as I was, only more so because she was the lady of the house. Her cage was smaller than mine. At least I now knew — and this made me feel better about the whole affair — that she was perhaps not as terrible a person as I had made her out to be. Rather, she lived in fear, just like the rest of us. All the same, I was hurt by her for sharing with me a snippet of something so deliciously beautiful only to hide it away forever. There is a bit of cruelty in that, isn’t there? Even if she had done it for self-preservation.
I had desperately hoped she had a change of heart by the time we met again that evening in her dressing chamber. But as I dressed her for the night she said nothing of it. I said nothing too because I would much rather not annoy her or anger her. I did, however, take a chance to gaze into her eyes in a desperate attempt to garner her desire for me again, but she avoided my eyes. Only when I left did she speak, and all she said was, “good night, Niko,” and all I said in return was, “good night, madame.”
To respect her demand, I did not speak of it again. I did not attempt to seduce her to partake in my perversion. For all intents and purposes, the morning in the field by the seaside cliff was just a dream. A dream that faded as days turned to weeks, as weeks turned to months, and as the songs of summer birds gave way to the songs of autumn ones.
My life returned to being what it always was and should be — an endless sea of grey. Perhaps it always was, and perhaps the intense moment of intimacy with Evelyn was only a pitiful dream within a dream. Perhaps that singular moment was, simply put, divine punishment for my sinful perversion.
Then my endless sea churned once more.
It happened the day Lord Sasaki’s business partners from the West arrived. Dutch businessmen. They were invited for supper, and to stay the night before they would make their way to Tokyo.
I waited as I always do in her dressing chamber following dinner. She came in, flushing with as much wine in her cheeks as she was apt to on any given night. When she stumbled to my front, I gave her a smile and commenced unbuttoning her. Her dress tonight was elegant. It held to her body lovingly. Green velvet. Another of the latest fashion from Paris, or so explained Fumiko, so as to show our guests from the West how in touch with the latest fashion we were. I avoided her eyes as I’ve grown accustomed to doing, but I could feel them on me as I plucked the buttons of her dress. They felt different, but altogether familiar. They felt impatient in the way they were once impatient that one summer morning by the seaside. And I could feel that her breathing was heavy.
When I had removed her dress, she sat on the edge of her chaise in her underwear.
“You look beautiful tonight,” she said abruptly. I froze. For a moment I did not believe my ears but after not responding she said, “did you not hear me Niko?”
“I did, madame,” I replied meekly. “Thank you, madame.”
There was a momentary silence, then she said, “May I confide in you?”
I looked into her eyes. Months it had been since I last looked directly into her eyes. They were wetted with tears and hopelessness. I nodded slowly. She smiled, then her smile quickly vanished.
“My husband… he had just ordered me to bed one of his business partners. And I… Well, this is the first time he had asked me to do such a thing. This could only mean that I have finally fallen out of his favour,” she said with a soft voice. A gentle voice intoned as if giving solace rather than asking for it. Even still, I could hear the anguish in it as clear as day. Not a heartbreak anguish. Not a love lost. No. A sort of anguish that comes only from feeling so very alone. I of all people should be able to hear that sort of anguish in a voice. In the dim moonlight, which was the only light we had now, her eyes were dark and shone like a still pond in a forest glade.
“I suspect it has been far too long that I hadn’t given him a child. Did you know that we had been trying, Niko?”