‘‘Get real you imbecile!’’ grunted Goldberg. ‘‘There’s a steel spike sticking through her throat! The bitch’s long gone by now!’’
He narrowed his grey eyes as steam seemed to blow from his nose. ‘‘One guess as to WHO’S NEXT?!’’
I looked into his mean face, but all the fear I went through that night suddenly swept off me. Instead, an anger arose in me that was greater than any I had ever felt. ‘‘AAAAAH!’’ I screamed, and I ran into him. Balling up my fists and hitting him as hard as I could. The world had turned black in front of my eyes, and I had become a mad bull, who saw absolutely nothing except for his red suit. I kept kicking and punching until all the energy had completely drained from my body, and slowly I regained my consciousness.
‘‘Are you done?’’ he said. I stepped back in exhaustion, and looking up to him, I saw he was grinning. Visibly unmoved, as if I were merely a little boy who had just thrown a tantrum. ‘‘Now where were we…?’’
He reached for me, but before he could grab me, I ducked. Seeing how there was no use in fighting him, I decided to make a run for it. Only this time, he didn’t linger in his pursuit. Instead, he hurried after me into the hall and threw himself between me and the front door.
Being blocked from fleeing outside, I made a turn for the stairs. But halfway through I stumbled over. He had gotten a hold of my ankle and was already dragging me down. With all my might I kicked him in his fat nose, and finally to some effect. Because he loosened his grip just enough for me to escape.
I made it to the top of the stairs and fled into my room, where I slammed the door and locked it shut.
Bright enough to know that was not going to keep a monster like that from entering, I immediately headed for the bedroom window and opened the lock.
The walls seemed to shake under the weight of his heavy boots, and I could hear him approaching. I startled when I heard a loud bang behind me, and almost automatically I looked over my shoulder to the door. Straight at a poster of my former dream man, who tonight had become my worst nightmare. Then there was another bang, and I saw how the door came down. Completely with its frame.
In a rush I shoved open the window and clambered onto the ledge. But before I reached the roof, I felt a pull on my shirt, and I got dragged back into the room.
Goldberg slammed the window shut and tossed me across the bed, whereafter I fell to the floor and smacked my head against the wall. ‘‘Leaving so soon, are we? Not at all curious what Santa got you this year?’’
Dazed I clambered up to my feet. ‘‘I-I-I’m good,’’ I stuttered. ‘‘S-s-some fresh air w-w-would be enough.’’
I pushed my back flat against the wall, seeing how he walked around the bed to approach me. The sound of his heavy boots thumped in my ears. He had a foul grin on his face. ‘‘Fresh air?’’ he sneered. ‘‘But baby, it’s cold outside.’’
Then he pulled me off the wall and forced me to sit down on the edge of the bed. My body trembled as I dared to look up to him. He was so tall that he made me feel like a kid again. Seeing him from below, his long beard rose above me like a foreboding cloud. A darkness through which no sun would ever reach again. I knew I was going to die. Just like Siara.
The image of my friend’s lifeless face flashed before my eyes again. That’s when I broke and burst out in tears.
‘‘Oh boy, there we go again. Everybody’s always singing about me coming to town, but when I finally do, you start crying. What’s the matter, doesn’t Santa live up to the fantasy?’’
I gulped back my tears and clenched my teeth. ‘‘You killed my friend!’’ I said in a suppressed angry voice.
‘‘See, that’s the misconception of Christmas. You don’t always get things in life, sometimes they’re taken from you. Tonight, you lost your friend. Where a few centuries ago, I lost a bet. Thus, for a thousand years I was robbed from my annual Day of Slaying. Forced by an angel to deliver presents instead.’’ His face contorted in disgust, and he spit on the floor.
‘‘So it is true then, you are the son of Satan?’’
‘‘You watched the movie, didn’t you? Oh yes, I know everything about everyone. But what you didn’t know is that Santa starred in his own biopic.’’
Skeptical I shook my head. Was he confirming what I thought he was? Were he and the WWE wrestler on the crushed poster under my bedroom door one and the same person?
‘‘But if that was actually you… that would mean, Bill Goldberg is –’’
‘‘– My alter ego, yes. A created outlet for my anger. But now I’m back to my old ways, I no longer have to act I’m doing damage. I can do it for real.’’
I was lost for words. Not knowing what to feel at that moment. Frightened… sad… or just completely confused? I never had believed in God or the Devil. Hell, I never even had believed in Santa Claus. But if all of this was true, at least there was a bright side to it. ‘‘She’s in Heaven,’’ I mumbled. ‘‘Siara’s in Heaven.’’
Santa, or Goldberg as I still saw him, laughed. ‘‘Peter doesn’t open the gates for little sluts who befoul themselves with the seed of fallen pastors. An immortal soul must be earned. Once her body has turned cold, she’s lost forever.’’
I shook my head. ‘‘No please, this can’t be happening! There must be something I can do…’’ I paused and took a deep breath. Most people probably would have uttered the magic words without knowing. But I was well aware of what I was about to say.
‘‘I’ll do anything.’’
His eyes widened with greed. Like that of a predator harvesting its prey. ‘‘Did I hear ‘anything’…? In that case, let’s talk.’’ He walked away from the bed and sagged down in the chair next to the bedroom mirror. ‘‘See the thing is, once a soul enters Limbo it can only return in exchange for another. Regardless of where that soul is headed.’’
‘‘Are you saying I must die in her place?’’
‘‘I’m saying, you must strike a deal with someone who’s powerful enough to make the switch. Which I’m willing to do, provided that I get something in return.’’
I swallowed the lump in my throat. ‘‘What do you want?’’ Of course, I already knew the answer.
‘‘Like I said, I know everything about everyone. For which I also know about the talents you possess. I’ve been looking for someone to serve me. Someone to stand by my side and pleasure me for eternity. If you can promise me that, I’ll bring back your friend to the living.’’
I bit my lip in anxiety, trying to keep more tears from coming. ‘‘Just say it, I need you to say it.’’
Goldberg stood up from his chair, casting his dark shadow over me.
‘‘GIVE ME YOUR SOUL!’’
I felt total emptiness inside. As if I was already lost to the world. How could I even be considering this? Siara was my best friend and sure, I loved her. I even felt responsible for her death, seeing how I hadn’t acted fast enough to prevent it. But still, selling my soul in exchange for her immortal one… was any friendship worth that?
Truth was, I did this for myself. Partially because of my longstanding self-hatred and the conviction that I had to be punished. Since for years I had been telling myself that I would never be enough. That my father had abandoned me for a reason, and that I was an abomination for the urges I kept having. Even though I acted tough around my friends about my sexual escapades, underneath all that false confidence was plenty of guilt. Which was also the reason I had been longing to self-destruct. Not just by small acts, but by doing something big. A thing that could never be undone.