Faultless Pt. 02

An adult stories – Faultless Pt. 02 by Volunteer_,Volunteer_ Part 2 of Faultless

Thank you for all your kind and helpful comments on the first part. This second (and final!) part picks up where the last finished.

Hope you all enjoy!

V

***

My apartment had many things going for it and in that moment, I was most grateful for the gym in the basement. When Mike left all those years ago, he was tall and thin. He was substantial enough in frame for what I saw as a stereotypical geek but nothing like what he was when he came back and bulked up; stood taller. I needed all the strength I had because having him inside me was like nothing I’d experienced before. We were making love but the energy I expended by taking his thrusts and handling his body over mine had me breathless and exhausted. Despite that, I kept my legs tightly wrapped around him, and I pleaded for more.

Objectively, he was decent looking enough and that was partly because he was one of the lucky ones that worked well with a beard. I’d dated better looking men but over the past few months, I fancied him that bit more every time I saw him until it had got to the point where I was now. The point where I’d never fancied anyone as much as him. I was hopelessly into him. I’d liked my men safe and I guess, more Hollywood handsome, where it was much easier for me to avoid seeing them a certain way. That wasn’t the case now.

I wasn’t with him because he was big, to be clear, despite the obvious cliché of a big strong man for the secretly submissive woman. I didn’t like men to be too much bigger than me because I didn’t like the position that put me in – relying on someone else to take care when with me.

Mike was fit and strong, and I could feel the muscles on his back as my legs pressed against him. There was something so raw and primal about how he had me. I knew at any point he could just let himself go and I’d be powerless to resist. For the first time in a long time, I let that thought wash over me and it thrilled me, because I trusted him unreservedly.

He was so passionate and so caring with the love he was showing me that I had a moment where I might have cried with the contrasts I was processing. I was that overwhelmed. That was a level of emotion that I wasn’t ready to show him yet though – which was weird, given I’d just told him I loved him. But hey, all of it was new and I needed to hold something in reserve, right?

I’d also never have believed myself capable of doing what I did a little while before.

The conviction I had in going to my knees and opening his jeans when so much was still unsaid, surprised the both of us. A momentary shock followed when I saw his size, but it wasn’t enough to stop the determination I had to pleasure him. I kissed and licked with enthusiasm that I’d never had for anyone before. When I took him in my mouth, I moaned at how he filled it. It was a slutty moan, a moan I should have been ashamed of. Instead, I revelled in it and after some time enjoying the feel of him in my mouth, it spurred me on to take him into my throat. Having him in me like that was arousing me like I couldn’t believe.

But God, when I pushed his cock into my throat, his hands holding my hair up and his moans music to my ears, I could have thrown up from how stuffed I was. I gagged and had to pull away slightly. Mike said something but I didn’t hear him. It was all about his cock and putting it deep into my throat, that was all that was on my brain. My sole focus.

I breathed in deeply and then it hit my senses: the smell of him. The pheromones that had drawn me to him so deeply. My mind translated them into the thoughts of him that were now constant in my mind now. The power, the comfort, the safety to be myself.

I took him back in my throat and kept him there, trying to breathe through my nose. I was determined, more determined to pleasure him than I was to protect my appearance. I didn’t care what I looked like, I just needed him to feel good and that was a startling mental shift for me.

I started to thrust my face forward, my hands squeezing each of his thighs for support. I heard myself making those noises, the glucking noises that I sometimes sought after when I watched porn. I was making them.

My underwear was soaked, I had no doubt. I was aroused by the act itself and my own determination to put myself in that position. When my eyes weren’t closed and revelling in the pheromones, I was looking up at him, living for the pleasure on his face. We’d lock eyes and he’d shake his head slightly, as though he couldn’t believe it. I imagined it from his eyes, seeing me on my knees like that for him. I almost couldn’t believe it either. When he was ready, I was going to force all of his cock into my throat and keep it there while he emptied his load into my stomach. It was going to be the most depraved thing I’d ever done, and it was going to be something that showed him how different I wanted to be with him.

All too soon though, he was pulling me off him. I coughed and spluttered and for the first time, realised how much of a mess I’d made. I was so focused on his cock that I hadn’t noticed my saliva had been dripping off his cock as well as out of my mouth. It had pooled onto the floor and down my jumper. It looked obscene and because of that, it made my pussy throb.

He’d stepped away while I was looking at the mess I made, and I didn’t even notice until he came back and was kneeling beside me. Later on, I reflected just how obsessed I’d been with his cock that I’d missed so much. But right then, he took a washcloth and wiped my chin and chest clean. I blushed, I felt like an innocent girl being taken care of, in contrast to the state of me.

“That was incredible,” he whispered. “I couldn’t stand it much longer.” I could see the awe in his expression, and I felt a sense of pride.

“But I wanted you to cum,” I pouted. Yep, I had pride but clearly, I had no shame.

He laughed and helped me take my top off. I glanced at it as it fell to the floor and saw the state of it. I’d be driving home in only the thin white cami I wore underneath if that stained as bad as it looked.

I was still dealing with brain-fog, or cock-fog as it really was, and I was slow to react to him standing up and holding his hand out for me. Before I could reach up, he pulled me up as though I weighed nothing. The act, the easy manhandling of me, made me weak. Lily, you’re in trouble girl.

He took me to his bed and pulled my jeans off, my underwear going with it before I got the chance to see the state of them. Maybe even taste them a little.

At some point before that, he’d gotten naked too and so I just laid there in my cami top and socks, naked from the waist down, and I spread my legs wide for him. There was no conversation about a condom, no discussion about this not being a one-time thing. I just offered myself to him; invited him to take it.

He looked me in the eyes, and I held his stare. Quite honestly, I was ready to beg.

I cast my eyes down to his chest, paused in momentary surprise at old war scars I didn’t know he had and across the muscles that weren’t as defined as they probably once were, but still held considerable power. I swallowed. “Please, Mike.”

I couldn’t believe I’d said it, but I had. I’d never wanted a man more than I wanted him right then.

“Take your top off.” He spoke quietly, still in disbelief I guess, but I obeyed him like he’d just commanded me with that voice he’d used in this house a week before. That voice, the one I had tried so hard not to think about but would be thinking about a lot now.

He admired my chest and for the first time, I felt self-conscious. I moved my hands to cover my small breasts, but he stopped me, his hands taking hold of mine. They were strong but he wasn’t putting strength into them. “You are incredible,” he declared, and he said it with such wonder that I knew he genuinely loved what he saw. I put my hands back down and he smiled.

The only thing left was my socks. He took hold of my foot and to my surprise, he kissed the top of it after he pulled the sock off, doing the same with the other. I blushed and felt butterflies. It’s strange to say but when he did that, I knew he felt for me what I felt for him, even if he didn’t know it yet.

If I had intended to show him with my oral sex that I was determined to give him pleasure, he showed me he was determined to put my pleasure above his own. I was not ready for the persistence he had in bringing me to orgasm, nor was I ready for the strength he had as he held me down and forced another from me. I wasn’t planning for this to happen so I wasn’t as presentable as I would have been down there but within about two seconds, Mike’s mouth had me forgetting my worries.

His tongue, as well as the lips I desperately needed to kiss again, were uniquely talented at finding the spots that worked for me. He listened for my moans, turned them into whimpers, attacked until they became pleas and then just… relentlessly pleasured me until I became a gasping mess, begging for a break. He held me down with such strength and it was like I had to just take what he was giving me.

My feet ached from keeping them tense for so long, as he drew orgasms out of me. I had two, with the second one going on so long that it might have overlapped into the third. When he did mercifully stop, I was spent.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thrilled with the knowledge that I had no defence against his thick cock, bar the excessive wetness I had below. He knew as well as I did that I wouldn’t be moving. I just about had enough energy to position myself comfortably over the pillows, my long hair spilling everywhere, before he was lining himself up. I looked down and saw how much I had offered myself to him again with the spread of my legs. How much I wanted him to have me.

He was on his knees on the bed as he lined up to me and he was upright rather than over me, both of us watching him line up. My sex was on fire for him, my pussy needed it so bad. I found it so erotic to watch him enter me and I captured it in my mind to replay again and again until the next time he did it.

Just from the first opening, I knew this was going to be something different. He gasped and I whimpered. My ex-partners had always made comments about how tight I was, sometimes as a reason for why they didn’t last that long. They’d never made me as wet as Mike had but I still didn’t think his thick cock would fit.

He paused until I nodded and then he carried on as I closed my eyes to breathe through it. I spread my legs even more widely to give him as much access as he wanted. I wanted to give him my pussy desperately.

Inch by inch he stretched me until it started to feel so good that I had to open my eyes and see how he’d managed it. I was amazed to see he wasn’t all the way inside me, and his eyes were focused on what was happening below him. He kept going, the sides of my hole tight around him until, when it felt like I had no more of me to give, he was full inside me.

I moaned that same slutty moan again and his hand caressed my cheek. “Come here,” I demanded.

Surprising him with strength of my own, I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him down to me, where I kissed the man I was in love with for just the second time that night. I tasted myself on his lips and ran my tongue along his bottom lip as he started to thrust.

Taking his thrusts took any remaining energy I had, so I laid back and enjoyed the way his cock pulled out halfway and then thrust back in until he filled me right up again. It was stimulation like I’d never known.

“You fit perfectly inside me,” I whispered to him, his face only inches from my own, his eyes closed in pleasure. “I feel made for you.”

He smirked at how cliché that was and yes, I knew how it sounded, but I felt it. There was not one atom of space left inside me. He kissed me again in response and I held my hand in his facial hair which was softer than I expected it to be.

I lost myself in how his cock felt inside me and the fantasies that opened up because of it. I thought of what it would be like to be flooded with his sperm when I was fertile and ready to carry his children. I thought about how crazy it would be to give him my anal virginity and take that up there. I thought about how it would feel when I told him to be rough with me and not be gentle as he was right then. How I’d probably orgasm from being enjoyed like that. It felt limitless, because it was with him.

Whether it was the fantasies or the fucking, or a combination of both, I found myself nearing another orgasm. I almost couldn’t believe it at first. I laughed out loud in shock.

Mike looked at me in confusion. “Lils?”

“I’m going to cum,” I announced giddily. I’d never done it through penetration before.

He still looked confused, but it was too late to explain, I felt the orgasm start to arrive and I lost myself. My eyes rolled to the back of my head, my calves tightened and my grip on the bedsheets became my sole solution for getting through it. Mike had already become an expert on my orgasm-face because he started to pump into me in a very focused way at that point. There was a dominance to the way he fucked me. It was a very physical, assertive way of telling me to cum. I fucking loved it.

I loved it so much I screamed and I’m pretty sure I squirted something. By that point I was such a mess, I didn’t care, and Mike didn’t seem to have noticed or cared either. My release sapped any energy I had, I was completely satisfied at that point and it became all about him.

I had to release my legs from their hold around his back, they were shaking so much. Then we locked eyes, and I knew it was his turn. I almost wanted to cum again from that look alone.

“Fuck me,” I challenged him, greedily wanting a sign of what it would feel like when he got rough.

He accepted my challenge, and he fucked me. I gave up trying to stay in any semblance of control or coherence. I don’t know what I said or did, I just let myself go and enjoyed every second of it. He pounded me, he gave it to me as I needed him to. Gone was the Lily that he knew before and in her place was a sexual being who wanted to make him cum. At some point, I became aware of the fact that I felt looser down there and that led me to move my fingers to my clit in arousal. I couldn’t cum again, but I needed the stimulation to take the edge off.

Then, when I felt like it couldn’t get any better, Mike came. Watching and hearing him cum became the best moment of my time in bed with him. It was going to be my masturbation fodder for weeks. Not just because the pleasure on his face was visual affirmation of how enjoyable I was, but also because he flooded my pussy with cum. If I wasn’t on the pill, I was certain I’d be pregnant. I had to pull my mind away from that because it went down a rabbit-hole of him deciding when he would impregnate me and that was a deep, naughty fantasy I wasn’t ready to broadcast yet.

He stayed hard inside me for long enough that I wondered if he was going to go again. I’d have no chance surviving that if he did. I was completely spent. As first-times go, it was the best. As sex went for me overall, it was also the best.

But once he did start to go soft inside me soon after, I felt a twinge of sadness. Wow Lils, you can’t get enough already.

I looked down and watched him pull out, eyeing his cum-covered cock. I probably wasn’t subtle because I was tired, but it felt like the sex we’d just had wasn’t really over for me until I’d sucked him clean. I’d always had the fantasy of cleaning a man after he’d had me. I had no idea why that was the case, but it always felt right that I should service my partner like that and show my appreciation of them. This was despite the fact that I rarely gave oral except to stimulate things pre-sex. With Mike and the way it already felt with him, I was tempted to move down and do so, though I had no energy to actually do it.

“You want to clean me,” Mike stated as fact. He was so disarmingly observant, I’d have to watch that.

I nodded. “How did you know?” I couldn’t believe I’d admitted my dirty fantasy, just like that. But Mike brought the confidence out in me and I knew he wouldn’t judge me.

He moved to lay beside me before he answered. “It’s mess and you don’t like mess,” that was probably half-true. “Plus, your submission is centred around obedience and being enjoyed. Cleaning is a very intimate act in that regard.”

I blushed at his matter-of-fact tone. He took his thumb to the head of his cock and collected some drying cum with it. I watched as though in slow-motion, him bring it to my lips. I opened my mouth and sucked it in, licking the ridges of his skin clean with my mouth. I shivered and my pussy, as sore as it was, noted its approval.

“Next time,” Mike promised, kissing my neck gently. I was too tired to do anything to stop him. “You’re clearly exhausted.” I grinned at that.

We stayed in silence for a minute, both of us getting our breath back. I could feel the cum leaking from me and I had an urge to collect it and taste more of it. The little taste on Mike’s thumb just wasn’t enough. I didn’t let myself do it and it was almost the full minute before I worked out why I was stopping myself. Mike had said I’d be tasting his cum next time, not now.

He wasn’t wrong about my obedience when I’m in this headspace.

He took my hand and peppered my arm with kisses, but it was me that broke the silence eventually between giggles. “So, is this a known thing that we’re both just acknowledging as fact? That I’m submissive to you?”

Mike stopped his kisses and looked at me earnestly. “It can be something we build up to or it can be something we accept is the case now and begin to explore what that looks like. Or it can be something that doesn’t end up happening at all, it’s all up to you Lils.”

I liked him a lot for that answer.

“Can I take the night and let you know where my head’s at tomorrow?” I asked gently. “I don’t want to commit to something in the moment.” I already knew the answer and so did he.

It was only then that I had the energy to sit up. Mike joined me and reached over for a towel, which I used to clean myself up. “Take as long as you need,” he squeezed my hand as he said it. “Can I interest you in a shower before you head home?”

I grinned again. “How did you know?”

“Pretty sure you can’t go to work in that jumper,” he quipped. I thought back to what I did and felt good about it. I felt sexy, in a perverse way.

“I can’t believe I’m going to say this,” my smile widened as I thought about how much Mike was going to tease me for it, “I don’t think I’ll be able to leave if we do anything couple-like so I’d rather fuck & run.”

I had to crack the window on the drive home or else I was going to make my Audi smell like a pimp’s car, but I felt like a million dollars.

__

The following day was one of those days where nothing went right. My technology bulletin got pushed off the headlines, a technology analyst didn’t turn up for his pre-recorded interview on app security, a link didn’t work on the article posted on our website and my computer decided to crash mid-email to my boss.

Char and I worked in the same open-plan area, so she had sight of enough of it. Given my mood across the previous week, it was fair enough for her to assume I was going to be close to tears when she came over and asked if I wanted to go for a coffee given my morning so far.

“It is what it is,” I replied airily instead, keen to get back to my daydream about Mike’s thick cock being back in my throat that evening, while I waited for the computer to restart. My depravity was shocking me too, but I was loving it.

She brought me a coffee from downstairs a few minutes later, by which time my computer had restarted and I’d sent off the emailing detailing my planned segments over the next couple of weeks to my boss. Amy was with her now.

“Babe, are you okay?” Amy asked, taking the empty chair from the desk beside me and wheeling over. “We’re all worried about you. You’ve been depressed all week and now Char’s told me how distracted you’ve been this morning. This isn’t like you.”

Amy took my hand for extra emphasis. Char stood over us, taking on the role of intimidation. If Liv wasn’t still getting the presenters ready on the make-up chair, she’d probably be shooting out random guesses until she landed on the truth. I knew my friends enough to know they’d given me space for as long as they were able and now, I needed to talk.

“Okay, let’s do lunch and then I’ll talk,” I conceded with a dramatic sigh. It gave me time to get back to work and sort my shit out.

Mike had already messaged asking to take me to dinner later and I didn’t want to finish work late for him. I was never late for him; it was one of those things I’d recognised a while back as a response to what I felt for him. I did not like disappointing him, even though he would never do anything more than joke at my time-keeping.

Over lunch, I told my friends about Mike & I. I replaced the part of the story that involved “dominant spanking session which I’d been guiltily cumming over ever since,” with “a kiss” but kept most of the rest of the story the same.

“He brings me such comfort and happiness, I feel like I can be myself with him,” I told them earnestly. I needed to justify why I’d broken it off with Benjamin and why Mike was better for me, so I told them in detail about how it felt different with him. How I recognised the changes in myself around him, how being with him made me feel like it was okay to not be perfect and switched on all the time. My therapy sessions over the last few weeks had been worth the money, that was for sure, to help me convince myself to take this risk.

“I know you probably think this has come out of nowhere and I’m crazy, but it hasn’t and… I’m in love with him so just, go easy on the ribbing, okay?” I blushed and looked down at my salad.

“Honey, we guessed.”

I looked up at Char, but it was Amy that explained. She scrolled through her phone and showed me a group chat between the 3 of them. Liv had started it.

Liv: I’ve just seen Mike on a dating app. I did the right thing by not swiping right, right?

Char: Ooo this is sneaky. Lil will get so para if she knew you’d made a chat without her x

Amy: You definitely did the right thing, there’s something between them…

Char: Agreed. Amy & I both think this – they have crazy good chemistry and she is so different around him!

Liv: Okay I’m going to tell her I came across him but won’t say if I swiped or not

Amy: EVIL… I love it!

I looked up at them and saw they were all watching me. I grinned nervously. “Carry on,” Liv prompted smugly. I now knew my message to Liv that evening wasn’t as subtle as I thought. I kept scrolling.

Liv: Haha I just watched the little speech bubble in our chat, and she was typing & deleting for about 10 minutes before she asked if I swiped! She so has feelings for him!

Char: It’s so obvious! I was saying to Thomas the other day that when we met Mike, it felt like he was her boyfriend with how nervous she was before it. They behaved like a couple FFS! Then when we met Benjamin I just felt he’s a bit… plain, isn’t he? I feel bad, there’s no spark between them.

Amy: So how do we make it happen?

Char: We don’t. We let her work it out. She’s not going to stay with Benjamin when it hits her that Mike is right there. I bet it doesn’t last another 3 months with Benjamin…

Liv: I’ll take that bet!

I slid the phone back to Amy and looked at them with my mouth agape and then my best impression of an evil stare. “Easiest £10 I ever made,” Char added smugly.

_

To my frustration I still finished work later than planned. I was just getting ready when Mike rung the buzzer downstairs. I left the door on the latch and went back to my dresser, applying evening makeup and trying not to be too stressed about it.

“Hey handsome, I’m running massively late,” I shouted out when I heard the door close. “I know I know, early is on time and all that,” I was flustered and massively annoyed with myself.

“Don’t worry about it Lils, we’ve got time,” he assured me as he walked into the apartment. He knew me.

He found where I was moments later and just seeing him in the reflection gave me goosebumps. He looked good. Suited up with the short haircut and stubble that I liked so much. The suit fit him well and even in heels, I wouldn’t be taller.

He stood there watching me as I sat in just my underwear. Even me doing that felt like a new step for us. My hair was flowing down my back below the bra strap. I’d taken a bit of time with the curling wand to give it some bounce and I could see he liked it. I liked that it pleased him and I felt my annoyance slipping away because it had been time well spent.

He then glanced over at the lilac dress that was hanging up ready to be put on. I loved wearing it, it was a favourite because it gave me more of a chest than I really had but I was half hoping he wouldn’t let me put it on and we’d cancel dinner. Shameless.

“Wow,” he breathed eventually. Honestly, I felt myself getting wet from that one word. I felt like a pretty object that was giving him pleasure to look at.

I tried to take the heat away from the room as I went about touching up my makeup. “Flowers, and a fancy dinner? I don’t know what kind of girl you think I am, but I typically fall for guys that take me to sports bars, just so you know.”

He grinned. “Next time. I just wanted you to see I can treat you this way too.”

My heart-raced at that and I finished applying mascara to my eye. I knew what he was trying to do, I’d experienced it enough times with men before him. He knew that too but was still doing it and I didn’t understand why. I wasn’t looking for that from him. He was the reason he didn’t need to do this with me.

When I finished, I made my way over, a smile on my face. I threw my arms around him and kissed him hard. Showing him, not-so-subtly, that I wasn’t holding back with him. My tongue was requesting entry before he could keep up and he let me in. I heard his bag drop but he kept the flowers in his other hand. His free hand gripped the strap of my bra and he pulled it, taking charge of the kiss. My tongue acquiesced and gave him control, my hands moving to his face. We both were getting into it before I pulled away, though his hand didn’t leave my back. The possessiveness was sexy. I was close to breathless, and I could have kept going but I had more important things to do.

“Yes,” I announced, a grin back on my face.

“And the question was?” Mike asked, not getting it.

I sighed theatrically, trying to lay out another hint that it wasn’t what I needed.

“I think if you ask me to be your girlfriend, you’ll find it funny to take me somewhere fancy and do it, given my history,” I outlined. “But I also think you secretly want to take me somewhere fancy and do it properly. Hence, you’re going to ask me to be your girlfriend tonight because you want to show me you’re as serious as I am.” He rolled his eyes at my knowing look, and I continued satisfied that my instinct was correct, “and I’m going to say ‘yes’. I’ve already given you a speech about exactly how I feel, so ask me now, then we can get it out of the way, and I can start referring to you as my boyfriend.”

He laughed and I laughed too, breaking the tension. “You really take the romance out of it, don’t you? I was going to make a speech about how I’m completely committed to us becoming a thing and I don’t see the point in going through the dating dance, but ah well.”

I shrugged, what romance was I taking away from him, really? I felt exactly the same.

He carried on when he realised my shrug was all he was going to get. “Lily Williams, would you do me the most profound honour,” Mike’s voice sounded shockingly like Benjamin’s and I laughed so hard I snorted, “of being not just the person that I lay with, but also the person I share my day with, reflecting on both the good times and the hard. Would you allow me to bestow you the honour of being my girlfriend?”

Once I got over my giggling, I kissed him and took the flowers. “You’re an idiot and I accept this sacrifice,” I teased.

Mike followed me as I walked to the kitchen. I knew he was checking me out and I smirked without him seeing. It might be argued I didn’t need to stretch to grab the vase, but I was proud of my ass, and I was gonna make damn sure Mike lusted after it.

I spun around and caught him flicking his eyes up from my bare legs. I looked at him in horror. “Don’t eye-fuck me, Mike, that’s not okay.”

He held his hands up and I glanced at them. They were big hands, rough ones. They were made to spank or to pin a partner down while he was inside her. Stop it Lils.

“I’m sorry Lily, still trying to get used to you being a sexual being again,” he smiled.

I took the vase and the flowers to him. “Two things,” I struggled to contain my smile. “I like lilies, un-ironically and I’d like them every week if you want to make me feel special. And you can sort these into the vase so I can judge how good you are at sorting an arrangement.”

I kissed him before my grin could break out and handed him the flowers. I felt like I could finally be a bit sassy with someone who could take it. It was exciting to be able to tease him, especially knowing he could put me back in line when I went too far.

“Oh and Mike,” I said, heading back to the room and that lilac dress, “I meant it’s not okay to eye-fuck me and not do anything about it, just for future reference.”

I smirked again and he groaned.

_

Dinner was… different. He took me to a fancy Italian place just a short walk away from where I lived. I’d been to fancier, but I’d not felt as good as I did when walking in with Mike.

We were seated and he didn’t pull my chair out for me, which I liked because it was a sign he understood my hints. He didn’t need to do those things to impress me because he gave me so much more by not doing it.

We spoke about work after ordering, and I confessed that I’d already told the girls about us as well as what they said. “That’s okay,” he replied, still blushing, “I blabbed to Jake and Mo within the first hour.”

I bit my lip, flustered. “What did you say?” I asked, unashamedly fishing for compliments.

Mike shrugged nonchalantly, playing it cool. He certainly wouldn’t have been that way if I hadn’t been so ‘unromantic’ earlier in the evening and stopped him grandly asking me out, which I felt further vindicated about right then. “Oh you know, I just walked in on cloud nine, a shit-eating grin on my face and they asked me what was up,” he started, as casually as if he was telling me about the weather. The nonchalant delivery and body language was working for me as I felt my nipples start to strain against my bra. I didn’t look down as that would have made it worse.

“Go on,” I prompted when he paused to have a drink. “If I have to work this hard to get compliments from you then I can’t be bothered,” I lied.

Mike laughed and considered me, looking down at my chest subtly. If I’d caught an ex doing that, damn there would be words. “That’s a lie,” he replied simply. “You’re an affirmation girl; looks and words are your drug.”

“How do you know that?” I questioned with a tone of surprise.

He leaned forward so we could speak easier. I did too so we were close enough that it felt like our own private world. “Well, when you discover taking on a more dominant role is something you really like and feel comfortable with, a guy like me might start looking at how to operate in that environment.” I heard the soldier in him as well as the wallflower – observant and intuitive. “How to best communicate, how to best understand the needs of the person I’m with whether they submit or not, and my own needs.” He held eye contact, and I did too for a moment, before the waitress arrived.

We started on the food and we tried a bit of each other’s as we often did. I carried on our conversation with more of a whisper so that other tables wouldn’t hear. “You’re already attuned to my needs,” I noted. “That thing that you did to me last week which I won’t name in public,” I winked, “the way you got those things out of me and then praised me at the end, it was the sexiest thing that I’d ever experienced. So yeah, your research and intuition is very much appreciated over here.”

I smiled and pushed the rest of the starter away so that I wouldn’t be too full for the main course. I wasn’t a big foodie though conversely; I was a feeder. Another thing that would work well for Mike & I. He asked for my plate to stay and then went back to our conversation, his face more serious. “What I did last week, how are you feeling about it now, honestly?”

I’d been expecting that question though it didn’t stop me feeling flustered as I answered. “Honestly? I said some really shit things and I’m more sorry than you know about that,” Mike took my hand and shook his head as though to say don’t worry about it. I smiled and thanked him. “But I was really freaking out, my head was a mess. Just looking at the act itself, I mean on the one hand, it was a crazy, reckless thing to do with someone because it was so exposing for me and in that way, my worst nightmare. But on the other hand, it was the hottest sexual thing that had ever happened to me and I was unbelievably,” I dropped my voice even further, “turned on. I still am whenever I think about it, including now.”

We both shared a look of lust that I let build before I stopped it by continuing my answer. “The real problem was that it was with you. It could only ever have been with you, truth be told, but I was so devastated that I’d let myself go like that, before I’d decided if I could get myself into a place to try and be with you. So I was angry, annoyed, self-loathing and needing to push you away. Which worked well until I was on my own all weekend and I had no choice but to think about it. Because you’re all I think about when I can get my brain to stop, frankly.”

Our main course arrived too soon and while it looked great, it looked too big. One of the perks of the fancier restaurants was undoubtedly smaller portions. Mike tucked in without delay and I smiled watching him.

“That weekend I’m just thinking that was amazing but I’m terrified of what he thinks of me. What if he tells people? What if he decides that he doesn’t want us to go any further and then we’ll always have this thing that happened between us? He’ll know what I like and what I’ll need but won’t give me it. But he’s the only one that can because I’ll never trust anyone else to.”

He interrupted me by gently squeezing my hand before I could spiral any further. “What changed?” He asked simply, changing the direction of my recount so that I could be more positive with it.

“You,” I replied simply. “I thought the worst-case scenario would be that you didn’t feel the same, but you’d never hurt me for it. You always look after me and I felt sure you’d do so then too. I also had moments of confidence, normally when I was thinking about what happened during my erm, private moments, where I thought that I could do it.”

“Do what?” He asked with raised eyebrows.

“Seduce you,” I blushed. “I felt sure that over time if you knew I wanted you and my feelings weren’t going to change, you’d slowly come round. I was ready to wait for that.”

“Wait,” Mike started, putting his cutlery down and focusing on me. “Walking out of the door on Wednesday wasn’t a play? You were going to walk out?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled at his surprise. “In my mind, I had no idea where your head was. It took me days after what happened to get to the point where I was going to pursue us and everything that goes with it, but I had feelings for you for a long time, whereas you weren’t coming from that place. So, I was going to give you time because I was all-in by then.”

Mike chuckled now. “You’re right, it could have taken me many, many months to decide that I wanted to pursue a relationship with the best person in my life. The woman that makes me laugh like no other, who makes me happier than anyone ever has, who feels as comfortable around me as I do around her. She trusts me, she accepts me and my numerous flaws,”

“You do have a few,” I teased, blushing like mad at his words.

“Who is absolutely the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever been around, who’s both captivating and grounded,”

“Thanks to you,” I cut-in again.

“With eyes that are soul-reading and an appearance that defies genetic likelihood,” he paused, looking over at me from my tanned arms, long hair and smile, which was broad right then at his weirdly-geeky complimenting. “I can see how an idiot like me was missing what was right in front of me. That’s what I told Mo and Jake.”

I just sat looking at him for the longest time, blushing so much that I felt like I was going to re-heat my cooling food. “I’m speechless,” I replied at last. “I like them both for you, they’re good to get some of your guy-energy out,” I quipped. I’d met them a couple of times and enjoyed being around them too.

Mike laughed, “You are not getting out of watching Chelsea with me, you’re my lucky charm.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” I replied at once, meaning it. Watching football with Mike was one of my favourite things.

We finished our meal, Mike having most of what I couldn’t eat and then he paid and took us for a longer stroll around the river before heading home. We walked hand in hand in public for the first time and it felt so normal to do so. It was almost a natural escalation of the comfort & familiarity we had when we walked around as friends. I loved how his hand felt around mine – gentle but strong. It was warm enough with my jacket and the frequent breaks where I could steal body heat from him as we stopped along the path to look out at the skyline, that our detour continued for longer than it needed to. We were in no rush though, even if I was quite keen for more sex when we got home. I kept that to myself but didn’t let him doubt it with my kisses.

During one such pause as we faced the water and surveyed Tower Bridge, he wrapped his arms around me softly from behind and kissed the top of my head. I breathed through the feeling of love that was between us until I couldn’t help wanting more. I subtly grinded my bum into him, feeling him semi-hard. He didn’t respond nor grind back, he just let me explore my comfort levels. He would have known that doing that in public wasn’t a usual act for me.

“Careful,” he warned, when my hand had a mind of its own and subtly reached behind to squeeze him.

I blushed, withdrawing my hand. “Sorry,” I whispered awkwardly.

“Don’t be,” he soothed. “I just meant if you carry on then it’s going to be pretty obvious that I’m hard.”

“Good point,” I replied, turning around to face him and indicating back towards the path, relieved he didn’t think any less of me. He nodded and I took his hand again as we slowly walked towards the next bridge, passing a scattering of couples doing the same in the opposite direction. “Speaking of things that are obvious,” I said, “You gave me three options last night. That my submission to you is something we can accept now and explore, something we build up to over time or something that doesn’t happen at all.”

Mike squeezed my hand reassuringly. “I recall, did you want to discuss those further?”

I nodded. “That last option isn’t really an option. The way I am and what I feel with you is a fundamental aspect of what I feel for you so that would make no sense.”

He looked over and nodded at that. “Well reasoned. I also think the nature of the way we’ll grow together means that dynamic is always going to be there. Even little things I already do like ordering for you when you can’t decide or organising where we go, I think it’ll move us into that space naturally now we’re involved. It’s perhaps just how explicit we make it.”

We walked towards an empty bench close to HMS Belfast, a World War Two ship that was now a tourist attraction on the River Thames. Nobody stopped to look at it at that time of night so we could talk freely. Mike sat beside me, and he tucked my hair over my shoulder so it wouldn’t get dirty from the bench. He then put his arm around me, holding my other hand as he did so, and I felt very secure with the way he was taking care of me. It was being looked after but not fawned over.

I weighed up my words for a minute. “It feels different because I know there’s a line with you and a natural power dynamic. I don’t just mean physically,” I clarified, wanting him to understand that point in particular.

He was looking at me with a lot of love and understanding but kept silent, giving me my space.

“I think that’s going to give me a lot of freedom to be the kind of person I want to be in a relationship because I know that line exists. I know you’ll keep me in it. With my exes, I haven’t felt like a line existed and I always felt like it couldn’t because of the pedestal they put me on. How could someone keep me in line if they were always willing to move it to keep me happy?”

I paused again and glanced ahead, somewhat embarrassed as I spoke that I hadn’t found anyone that met what I needed until the man I’d known since we were teenagers; who was now staring at me intensely. “So how could I be bratty and sassy when I didn’t find them strong enough to handle it? Or submissive when I didn’t trust them to take charge in the right way? So I reverted back to being classy & restrained because it’s more comfortable, I guess. With you, I can push it and I want to give myself to you because of it.”

I finished and looked over at him for his reaction now I’d told him it was what I wanted.

I could see him processing the needs I’d vocalised, working out what it meant for him. “Wow, you’ve done a lot of thinking Lils.”

“I had to. The power of what I feel for you, I needed to understand it.” I took a deep breath and added to the other part of my thinking. “It’s going to be something that’ll evolve over time, and I know that. Things don’t need to change; we just need to let them naturally evolve. Maybe we push things along a little bit sometimes, like we did with the spanking, but generally it feels like if we do nothing at all to influence it, I still feel like I’ll end up being in the relationship I’ve wanted to be in. That’s why I’m so into you, that’s what you give me.”

At that, he leaned over and kissed me. It was another kiss where he took charge of it as soon as he felt me giving him that power. His tongue entered my mouth, and his lips were strong and sensual on mine, his arm holding me into it. It didn’t matter to me that we were in public, although it should have. He pulled away slowly, our lips still pressing together until the very last moment. I was still getting used to being kissed by Mike and with such passion but damn, it was good.

“See what I mean?” I asked.

He nodded. “It feels like something else, doesn’t it?”

I looked away, completely flustered. “Never in my life…” I trailed off. He understood.

_

In the end, the meal was good, the company was even better, and the conversation was the most intimate I’d ever had with a partner. For a first official date, nothing had really changed, but then everything had.

For one, Mike stayed over that night. I drove him back to his to pack a bag and coolly suggested he pack a lot as I wanted him to stay over a lot. “Only if you do the same for here,” he replied with a grin.

When we got back to my apartment, I couldn’t rest until Mike had space in my wardrobe and a bathroom shelf for his toiletries. Maybe it would have seemed too soon for some, but I didn’t plan to spend a night away from him and I wanted him to feel at home. Plus, when you’re folding away non-iron dresses, you know it’s serious.

Mike just chuckled as he followed me about through the orientation tour of his new living space. Then he thanked me, picked me up and kissed me, then took me to bed.

By the end of the weekend, we were behaving as though we were a couple who had been in a relationship for months. It was all very relaxed and easy. Even for me, adjusting to having Mike in my home so much was effortless. He was tidy and well-trained – he put the toilet seat down after use and cleaned up to my standards after a shave, passing my ‘joking but really not joking’ inspection afterwards. He didn’t even laugh at my exuberant amount of skin care or how much time I spent on self-care each night. He probably could have teased me about it, but it felt like he knew I was self-conscious of it.

“You know my looks are going to fade, right?” I asked him at the end of the weekend, voicing the worry that I always kept with me.

He smiled at me as though he knew a secret I didn’t. “Lily, I’m not with you for your looks. Out of everyone you’ve ever dated, I’d bet good money that your looks are way further down my list of reasons for dating you than it was for them.”

I blushed. He had this really bizarre but genuine way of complimenting me that just worked. There was no rehearsed words or lines, he just said it as he saw it.

The thing that really got me though, was the way Mike looked at me, even when he thought I wasn’t looking. It was as though he couldn’t believe this was happening. When we got into bed every night, I was the little spoon but before he wrapped his arms around me, we would face each other and kiss. Mike would pull away and look at me in awe and I would turn over and spoon into him feeling unbelievably secure with myself.

We spent that weekend as a couple would. I slept in, because Mike had this weird fucking routine where even at the weekend, he liked to be up and doing some calisthenics before mapping out his day. I was a planner and lists were my thing, so I found it quite hot that there was a plan for the day when I climbed out of bed. I rarely ate breakfast because well, I was shit with food, but he talked me into at least having fruit for breakfast, which I was willing to try.

We went out for lunch on the Saturday. Afterwards, we went on a shopping trip so I could get the food he liked and double up on ingredients for the week. Then we went back home and made love before we cuddled and watched movies after cooking dinner together. Life was that mundanely amazing. I was struck by the fact that neither of us checked our phones the entire day, we were so engrossed in being together.

On the Sunday, I realised what I was missing out on by staying in bed after Mike got up. I watched him do press-ups on my living room floor while I leaned against the doorway, sans bra, drinking a coffee and biting my lip as I watched his muscles stretch.

When we made a joint list for the day, I casually asked if he was going to add sex to the list or if that was just going to happen organically.

“Well, you took the romance out of asking you out, so I was hoping to at least keep a little spontaneity in when we had sex,” he quipped, squeezing my bum teasingly.

“Is anything stopping you right now, Boss?” I wondered aloud.

Within a couple of minutes, he was inside me as we lay on the sofa, where he decided to pound me relentlessly through an orgasm. It was the first time I’d ever had sex outside of a bed, not even kidding. I wasn’t quite able to let-go though as when it came to orgasm-time, I couldn’t risk his cum leaking out of me onto the fabric (I still had some standards!) so instead I had him pull out and sit back as I moved to my knees for him. I took him into my mouth and started stroking him.

“How do you taste?” Mike just about gasped out.

I hadn’t even thought about it, it was all so new. “Nice,” I admitted a few seconds after realising the sweet taste was me. I knew right then I’d be tasting myself on him a lot.

I jerked him into my mouth while he came, groaning his release. Like the sexually-liberated woman I was becoming, I waited for him to look down at me and then holding eye-contact, I swallowed. Unsurprisingly, another first.

“Good girl,” he praised. Holy fucking shit did that get to me.

I spent the next couple of minutes living out the fantasy he surmised I had. I cleaned his cock after he’d had me. I even kissed his balls to thank them for my treat.

“I think we’re going to have to cross-off a lot of that list,” he told me after we showered together, “I’m exhausted.”

I chucked my towel at him. “I’m the one that gets the pounding, if I feel good enough to play some Crazy Golf then you’ve got no excuse,” I reminded him.

He smirked at me, hanging the towel up in the way I showed him, which threatened to turn me on again. “I notice I do all the work. Do you have something against riding me?”

I blushed. I wondered when he’d make a comment about that though I didn’t expect him to realise so soon. “I’m not being lazy, I just really, really love having you in-charge.” I gave him the sexiest look I could give him, by way of apology.

He held my stare and then shook himself. “Stop with those eyes, or we won’t leave.”

We did get ready, though I made sure to do so in the most teasing way possible, letting his eyes feast on me. I waited until we were both dressed and ready to go before I went back to the conversation. “The floor, the wall,”

“Huh?” Mike turned to me in confusion as we got to the door.

I smirked, carrying on. “Bent over the bed, over the counter, over the dining table, against this door. Maybe even in an alleyway or somewhere public if you’re very lucky.”

“Are you listing out the places that you want us to have sex?” Mike asked with a laugh.

“I’m listing out all of the ways you can fuck me if being on top of me in bed starts to get too boring,” I smirked.

He shook his head in wonder again. “What have you done with Lily?”

_

I took him to town on the course, which we played at a big arcade with cocktails as well as crappy but-oh-so-good arcade snacks. “Not my first crazy golf date,” I winked when he conceded defeat.

We cooked again on Sunday evening (though it was mostly for him as I was still full from the popcorn and pizza slice earlier) and after re-planning our week so he could work-from-home on Monday and therefore stay over on Sunday night, we made plans to see each other every day that week except Wednesday, where we’d see our respective families. A question hung in the air about when we’d announce we were together, but neither of us voiced it.

I never realised how lonely I was, even when I was in a relationship, until I went to work that week and ached to be back with Mike. It was so obvious to me that I’d found my person and those shameful or embarrassing parts of me that I’d kept hidden were starting to come in from the dark, ready to be embraced by someone who truly cared about the real me.

We didn’t need to do the early dates with the endless questions about interests, intentions and life experiences. We instead did things that established couples would and that felt infinitely more comfortable, for both of us. We’d already laid the groundwork by being friends, we just got to know each other a different way. I knew he hadn’t dated much, and I’d done too much of the wrong dating, so why bother with that dance?

That didn’t mean I wasn’t keen to show him I cared. I went to the cinema with him that Tuesday evening to watch one of those crappy Marvel films he loved.

We sat down with popcorn in hand and a bag of sweets for me (I wanted some joy..) and he turned to me as I was biting into a strawberry rope.

“I know it’s early days, but I need you to know that I know you Lily,” he emphasised, “and I love you,” he said, just like that, with me pulling on the chewy sweet and the movie about to start. No grand gesture, he just turned to me and told me he loved me. Before I could even reply, the speakers came on full-blast and drowned out any hope I had.

It was, I reflected, as I cuddled into him in shock and joy, exactly how I’d wanted him to do it. Though maybe it would have been in private so we could have made love. I spent the first 30 minutes of the film thinking about how, for the first time in my life, it felt truly right. I cuddled into his chest, wrapping an arm around him, watching the film at an awkward angle but no matter, I wasn’t paying attention. 30 minutes in and I had no idea why they were in space and why a glove mattered so much but I didn’t actually care as Mike seemed to be loving it.

During a part of the film that had less loud noise and therefore a slow part, I looked up and kissed him. “I love you too, my man.” He later told me I made him miss a crucial scene, my bad. About midway through, I moved my hand down to his lap and I just held onto his package for the rest of the film. It wasn’t to tease, though he might have thought so as I felt his jeans become tight underneath my hand. It was a possessiveness I’d never felt for a partner before. This is my man. This is the only cock that I ever want to have in my life again. I’ve finally found my person.

He took me home and made love to me. I was utterly desperate for it, for the 7th day in a row. I was actually sore from how much we were having sex, which itself turned me on. I was simply intoxicated by him. I couldn’t get enough of him physically nor could I hold back the arousal that came from being this sexually liberated.

I don’t know why he did it, maybe he knew I needed it, but he spent a lot of time on my breasts as we made love. He licked and sucked my nipples gently, being so delicate with them I was moaning in desperation. I felt weak and needy with the intimacy of the love-making. I couldn’t stop moaning and gasping, pleading for more love. He kept a steady rhythm of thrusts, taking us there slowly but surely.

He kept going back to my breasts whenever I let him leave my lips. They were my one area of concern about my body so to have him spend so much time there, felt so reassuring. “Do you really like them?” I asked gently, half-worried about the answer.

He looked up, barely pulling his lips away. “Like them? I love them.”

“They’re small though,” I reminded him shyly.

“For now,” he countered.

My mouth hung open. He’d basically just told me I was going to be pregnant in the future. I threw my head back and stared up at the ceiling. I couldn’t process that right then, it meant too much to me. I felt him leaving a love-bite on my breast as I started to quite obviously release more of my wetness. He was slick inside me by that point.

“More,” I pleaded.

By the time he unloaded inside me, I had four on my breasts and another just below my collar bone. I’d begged him to leave one on my neck, but he rightly reminded me I had work the next day and dinner with my Mum that evening.

She noticed I was happier and asked if I was back with Benjamin who she’d never met but had looked up online and decided was perfect for me.

Naturally, it didn’t feel right to tell her that the reason I was so happy was because I was now in a relationship with my best friend, who had covered me in love-marks, left my sex feeling sore and needy, and who had promised to spank me the following evening when I suggested a sore bum was the only thing missing from the feeling of bliss he was giving me.

***

“I think the parking is round the back,” Mike suggested, as we entered Eleanor’s care home complex a few weeks later.

“I have been here before Boss,” I reminded him teasingly.

I followed the road around to the car park behind the building. It had three floors, Eleanor was now on the first, needing to be constantly watched though still with some independence. I hadn’t actually seen her since Mike came back from the Middle East, back when she was on the ground floor and able to enjoy being in the garden. I was glad to be there for him now as I knew what it felt like to watch a grandparent slowly lose their life. First with a partner who didn’t really care for me more than being on his arm, then alone. Mike insisted I didn’t need to start joining his regular visits, but I wanted to. I was stubborn when I wanted to be and won out.

I signed in first at reception and noted the name a couple of rows above. I quickly checked to see if she had signed out. She had.

“Looks like we just missed Megan,” I told Mike evenly, wanting to assess how he felt about that.

He peered over. “That’s a shame.”

“Yeah,” I agreed, surprising myself with how disappointed I was not to run into her and briefly wondering if Mike would have introduced me as his girlfriend or not.

We walked in and took the stairs to the first floor. Mike led us to a room towards the end of the hall and we found Eleanor sitting on a chair watching a war film.

“I can tell Megan’s been here,” Mike whispered with some affection, looking to the window at the fresh flowers and then to his gran, who had her back to us. “Hi Grandma, you okay?”

She jumped with a start having clearly been asleep and turned around. “Oh hello son!” Mike kissed her on the cheek and sat on the bed beside her while I awkwardly stood at the back, shocked by how frail she now looked.

He waved me over and held his hand out, which I took and smiled down at Eleanor, wiping the thoughts from my head. “You remember my girlfriend, Lily, don’t you Gran?”

“Yeah,” she replied airily. Mike smiled patiently. “Have you seen my handbag?”

That started a 10-minute search of her room, without success. We gave up in the end and after seeing some nail varnish in a drawer, I offered to paint her nails to distract her.

I found myself watching the film depicting a battle on Iwo Jima, while I painted Eleanor’s nails on autopilot. Mike slipped out to speak to the staff and I was thinking, yet again, about the scars on his body.

“Who are you then?” Eleanor asked suddenly, making me jump.

She was looking over at me as though seeing me for the first time. I remembered the first time I’d come to the home; she remembered me then. “I’m Mike’s girlfriend, Lily. You knew my Nan, Catherine Williams?”

An instant look of recognition lit up her face, which made sense as her long-term memory was better than her short-term one. “Oh, how is she? Lovely lady.”

“She’s erm, she’s good, yeah.”

I went back to her nails, trying not to think about it. I felt Mike’s hand on my shoulder. He smiled down at me sadly. I shrugged, letting him know I was okay, and it was what it was.

I spent the following hour or so looking at pictures of the past with her. She barely paid Mike any attention and when I looked over, he was smiling at us. “Meg will be jealous, she was always the favourite.”

After we left, I turned to face him. “Are we ready to do a double date with Meg and Matt, do you think?”

“I am if you are?”

As it was quiz night, we drove back and got our game faces on, though I struggled to hide my smile.

***

Things with Lily were going extremely well. Every part of it felt right and for a naturally cynical man, I had to balance my mind between waiting for something to go wrong and enjoying the experience of dating my best friend. In fact, not just my best friend, but someone who was completely committed to me.

Because I was cynical and couldn’t believe how lucky I’d got, every milestone came with it a hint of nerves that something was going to go wrong. Be it Lily coming to meet me after work and joining Mo, Jake and I for drinks as my girlfriend for the first time, or me joining Lily and her friends the following week. Amy, Char and Liv took great pleasure in telling us how they always knew we’d work together, and we clearly had something special going.

That seemed to be a common theme – from the guys at work, Lily’s girls, and then Rich & Dave, when we met them for dinner a couple of weeks later – that we had something special. I’d used dinner with my oldest friend as a barometer for whether the spark that existed in our little bubble, was evident to those that hadn’t seen us together since I got back. It was Rich who told us both as we sat there grinning like idiots, that we undoubtedly were going to have a very happy life together. Pretty deep to say to a couple on their first official double-date but neither of us played it down, which spoke volumes to both of us. I was never going to lose Lily; I was with the person I was going to spend my life with, that was a certainty to me. I knew we had a lot of work ahead of us but the effort would be worth it.

After our disastrous double date with Chloe, I also wanted to ease my way into it before Lily met my family again, in that way. That was the milestone making me most nervous and honestly, there wasn’t any logic to it. They’d loved Lily when they met her during my university years, had loved the pictures we took together during graduation and Megan, of course, still felt we should be together. I could imagine how pleased they’d be.

Still, a niggling feeling remained. It took me some quiet reflection time to understand what the feeling really was, and I didn’t like the cause.

Thus far, Lily and I had been enjoying the bubble that we had. Our friends knew about us and that was fine. Our families didn’t and that was deliberate. We knew we were in this for the long-haul, or heartbreak. We were best friends; we didn’t need to do the dating dance. I knew everything there was to know about Lily outside of a relationship and I was rapidly learning about everything in it. But we knew once our families knew about ‘Mike and Lily’, it would up the pressure on us. They’d know it was marriage and children for us and while we knew it too – and we both wanted it – we were enjoying the start of the relationship without the pressure or expectation. For Lily in particular, who liked to have those expectations clear at the start, it was liberating that she didn’t need to.

But as the moment drew closer to tell our families, I sensed hesitation from Lily. Not overt, but it was there, niggling at me. For all her declaration that she didn’t care what they thought, which I believed, actually telling them was another matter. No, what was really niggling at me was that I didn’t think me dating Chloe at one point was the real problem. I just didn’t see it.

As a sign perhaps that I was changing, instead of confronting it head-on which I previously would have, I looked for a solution and felt that if I introduced Lily properly to my family first, it’d make her more confident to cross that bridge with her own in time. What was paramount to me was that she felt safe and secure in our relationship – that was one thing I knew I could give her.

I started with my Gran, where there was no pressure at all from a relationship standpoint (though plenty from an emotional one), and then a double-date with Megan and Matt, before my Mum, whom Lily had cheekily started referring to as her ‘Mother-in-Law’.

When Lily agreed with my suggestion that they come over for dinner the following weekend, I set about making the plans.

_

“Hey Meg, how’s life?” I asked when she picked up my call.

“Hey bro,” I could hear the tiredness in her voice from a long day on the phone working in recruitment. I almost wished I’d messaged instead but I wanted to have a little fun. “It’s good, how’s yours?”

“It’s good too, no complaints.”

“For once,” Meg joked, before I could continue. Lily had to cover a snort, with my phone loud enough for her to hear as she sat next to me.

“Ha,” I deadpanned. “Listen, what are you & Matt up to this Saturday?”

She paused for a minute, clearly working out if she had any plans. Having determined she didn’t, I had to pull my phone away from my ear as she loudly shouted out to Matt. “Babe, are we doing anything this Saturday? Mike wants to meet up for a double date.”

I fell silent while he answered, rolling my eyes at how well the women around me were at scuppering any surprise I put into things. Lily patted my arm sympathetically.

“No, we’re good. Is this someone you’ve been seeing on that dating app?”

I suppressed a laugh; she was going to be in for a shock. “Something like that. How’s 5pm at mine sound?”

She paused a beat and then replied, “this is suspicious. It won’t be another car crash, will it?”

This time I did chuckle. “No, I promise this’ll be better.”

I said my goodbyes soon after and looked over at Lily, who had the good grace of pretending she hadn’t listened in at the end. “Megan’s up for the weekend. Are you sure you want us to cook?”

She looked over as though she hadn’t heard every word. I’d noticed the slight smile she’d failed to hide when I assured Meg that this double date would go better. “Yeah, of course I am handsome. It’s way less intense if I get to hide out in the kitchen.”

“You know Meg, and Matt’s harmless; he’s well trained,” I quipped. “This’ll be good.”

We went shopping on Saturday morning, buying the ingredients for the meal that evening. I loved going food shopping with Lily. She was vegetarian and liked to get a lot of her food from organic shops and market stalls, which changed my shopping experience drastically. It was also romantic, walking hand-in-hand around the market, buying fresh bread, fruit, veg and cheese for the weekend and the week ahead. We’d even started to take packed lunches in for work from our weekend and midweek shopping, which was a cringey level of domestication that I was getting a lot of stick for at work. Despite the teasing I was putting Lily through about it, I was loving it. She knew it too.

“Fancy a quick pint?” Lily asked suddenly, stopping outside a pub beside the market.

I looked over at her shy grin and didn’t hesitate to agree. She had a long summer dress on with a thin cotton jacket and shades. It was the perfect spring look. Her long hair was tied into a bun that looped in on itself. I had no idea how it was holding together and kept expecting the wind to blow it out of place. I was waiting for the moment where I could romantically brush the hair out of her eyes. Alas, it wasn’t happening. Instead, I kissed her and led her inside.

After I got some liquid courage inside her to calm the nerves she claimed not to have, we headed back and got started on meal prep – a vegetable lasagne made from scratch and cannoli for dessert that Lily, who hated baking, also wanted to make from scratch. I predicted an afternoon of stress ahead.

We prepped the meal together and gave the apartment a tidy-up although even by Lily’s high-standards, it was already clean. Lily went and got ready while I was relegated to putting a pair of jeans and a shirt on in the open-plan living space, so that I didn’t, in her words, ‘distract from the classy vibe she was in and tempt her into a quickie’.

All that statement did was tell me that she was horny and when she walked out of our bedroom in a navy-blue sleeveless dress adorned in butterfly print that fell to her knee but had a split up to her thigh, I was quite keen to risk the time that we had left, for a quickie. She looked classy, elegant and sexy as hell. Her long hair was straight and resting over a shoulder in the way I liked it, her face was naturally beautiful and the shade of the dress was doing wonders for her eyes. She’d really gone all-in.

“Is my make-up okay?” She asked, while I looked at her, dumbstruck. She fluttered her long eyelashes at me, making those incredible eyes pop.

“Ye-yes,” I just about got out. “What is going on? It’s just dinner with my baby sister.” I wasn’t complaining but at the same time, damn.

She kissed me gently, so as to not get lipstick on me. “I know it’s a lot of effort, but it matters, Boss. She’s going to see the amount of effort I’ve gone to, and she’ll know it’s because I want to impress her which means she’ll know how important you are to me.”

I shook my head in awe. “I think this is one of those times where you’re just a lot classier than me and I had no idea this was the done thing. I need to get planning for when I meet your Mum!”

Lily side-stepped my hint with a snort. “Do you actually think I’ve done this for every guy I’ve dated? Better yet, do you think I’ve done this for the sister of any guy I’ve dated?” She was sure to put extra emphasis on those two words.

“So instead you only do it with the one man you don’t need to do it with?” I teased.

“Exactly,” she replied, finger in the air. “I don’t want to get this tense for anyone but you, now I have you. Do you know how stressed I was with the baking and all that mess?”

My mind replayed tip-toeing past Lily to get the broom when she dropped some flour, and I shrugged innocently. “Good time for some wine?” I suggested, grabbing a bottle we’d bought that I knew Meg liked.

Lily took the glass once I filled it and glanced at the time. “God, I could really use a spanking to take the edge off,” she groaned in a really suggestive, needy way. I choked on my drink in response.

“Now?!” I glanced at the time and saw we had a good 20 minutes before they were due to arrive. Well played.

She bit her lip suggestively when she saw me considering it.

“Please,” she whispered, getting close and running her hands along my shirt. “I’m all tense and need my man to put me in my place.”

She thought that would work and if she hadn’t planned the situation so slyly, it might have. But two could play at that game. “I’m not sure I like the idea of ‘putting you in your place’,” I emphasised, “I’m happy with your place as it is.”

“You know what I mean!” She huffed and clarified, “I just need to feel your dominance and to take a bit of the tension away. You know when I submit to you it calms my mind. Please… Sir.” Lily smirked and ran her hand along my crotch teasingly.

I took her hand away and held it, though I didn’t squeeze it. Still, the speed of my movement made Lily gasp and I saw her nipples hardening behind her thin bra. “So did you mean your place is to beg, since that’s all you seem to be doing?” I watched her work it out – from shock at first, to recognition and then to blushing. “Shouldn’t you be on your knees if you’re going to do that?”

She groaned and knew she’d just lost the little game of chess we’d apparently been playing. She thought just the words and her asking for it would be enough. But now she knew she had to do something more for me, to get what she wanted. This was what she had meant at the start about keeping her in line and not bending to her will just to keep her happy. I already knew how to do that perfectly with her.

Her eyes were alive with excitement as she looked up at me and accepted the loss, and the payment for it. “On my knees with my make-up still on, slow until you don’t want it to be. As soon as they leave.”

She made her offer, and I accepted it by turning her around and forcing her over the same counter that I’d spanked her that very first time. “Not a sound until I’m done and then no further teasing so that I can work this erection off, is that understood?”

She nodded her head and then took the light spanking I gave her after pulling up her dress. I wondered for a moment if she’d chosen that dress deliberately and knowing Lily, she probably had. I couldn’t resist at the end and gave her cheek a kiss before sending her on her way. She kissed me, thanked me with a look of love that gave me goosebumps and then left the room.

She sorted herself out in the bathroom while I sat on the sofa to cool-off, which meant she was closer to the door when it knocked.

“Ah, you must be Lily,” I heard Matt say a few seconds later. “Really good to meet you.” They exchanged pleasantries and he walked in.

Matt knowing it was Lily joining us for dinner surprised both of us. She welcomed him in and by the time I stepped into view, and we shook hands, she was just about recovering from a look of confusion.

I went with the question I was most interested in knowing, first of all. “Where’s Meg?”

“Running late,” he explained, handing his coat to Lily and her offering arm with a thank you. “I was at the game earlier so got here first. I think she’s only a few minutes away.”

He joined us at the breakfast counter and took a seat on the stool. I’d had the sense to wipe it clean of Lily’s sweaty hand prints before he arrived, at least. I poured him a glass of wine while Lily made idle chat. Objectively, he was a handsome guy. His black hair was too overgrown for my liking, but it suited him, as did the stubble despite it hiding a strong jaw. If people felt Lily & I suited, the same could definitely be said of Meg & Matt.

“How’d you who I was, anyway? You’ve kind of burst Mike’s bubble here,” Lily teased.

“It’s Megan,” Matt explained. “She always knows. I wouldn’t even try and cheat on her, she’d find out in a heartbeat,” he joked. Then he realised who his audience were, and his face fell. “I mean -”

“So you’re considering cheating on my baby sister, huh?” I questioned menacingly, standing tall. His eyes went wide, and I could see the worry. Being a big brother had its moments.

“Relax, Matt” Lily stepped in, “He knows what you meant. I’ve seen him angry and trust me, this isn’t it.” My face lost its edge and I sighed at Lily, who just grinned at me. Matt breathed a sigh of relief. “See, he’s a big baby.”

From my angle, I was able to look towards her sore bum without Matt seeing and she promptly fell silent, opening the fridge to hide her blushing face.

“Well, if you did want to have some fun,” Matt started, reeling me in with a peace-offering after he’d overstepped so foolishly, “Megan might not have been as psychic as she’ll claim to be when she gets here. We were at your gran’s a few days after you were there, and Meg asked who painted her nails. They said it was your new girlfriend and that she’d been before so obviously Meg worked it out. She’s been sitting on it quietly ever since, waiting for you to tell her. Its been killing her.”

We both grinned, knowing what Megan was like. “Consider us even, and it’s one thing to break up with her but if you do end up cheating on her, all jokes aside…” I let it hang there and Matt nodded.

“Men,” Lily sighed, though she seemed to be quite enjoying herself.

Matt and I got talking about the football with Lily chipping in in-between checking on the food. Meg eventually made her grand appearance, and I took the hit to go and meet her shit-eating grin at the door. It did not disappoint.

“Hi Michael, how are you?” I couldn’t tell you what was bigger: the flowers she was holding or the grin she was wearing.

“Yeah, yeah, she’s in the kitchen,” I directed, taking the flowers.

“I cannot wait to hear how this happened,” Meg whispered as she walked past.

Any response was drowned out by the shriek they both released when they saw one another. They launched into a hug with proclamations of how good it was to see each other again and then Lily was taking her into the living space and pouring her some wine. I followed them in and got the flowers arranged (I was highly skilled at that now) before turning around and watching them complement each other.

“You are so gorgeous, I still cannot believe it?”

“Shut up, you’re putting me to shame and you’re going to have those looks for years more than me,”

“Stop it, that dress looks amazing on you, I’d kill for your figure.”

“Oh Jesus,” I loudly interrupted, turning to Matt. “Mathew, I must say, you look simply stunning, old chap.”

“Thank you, kind sir, your dashing looks know no equal,” he replied, tipping an imaginary hat.

They got the message and we settled down after that, making idle chat about work and different things we’d been up to. They immediately got on, it was like they’d picked up where they’d left off weeks ago, as if they’d been friends for years.

I could see Megan was just burning to probe us but was holding off until we were trapped at the dining table with her. Maybe I shouldn’t have been surprised after the first few minutes but Lily was relaxed throughout, even as she sped back-and-forth between the kitchen.

‘Wow’ Megan mouthed to me at one point when Lily went to check the dinner before pausing half-way, turning to kiss me on the cheek, and then she was announcing dinner was ready a minute later.

The moans of delight told their own story and Lily lapped it up. “You’re gonna have to come to us soon so we can return the favour, this is amazing. Matt’s a great cook though so I have faith he won’t let us down,” Meg offered, with a wink to Matt.

“Sounds great!” Lily agreed with delight, clearly pleased that she was passing the test that only she seemed to be participating in.

“Lily’s vegetarian, just so you know,” I added.

Meg’s grin was infectious, “Aww look at him taking care of you, this is too cute.”

“He’s actually very good at that,” Lily agreed conversationally, as though my effort wasn’t a big deal. I raised my eyebrows at her, and she winked playfully. “No, he is. I am very well taken care of,” she added to make up for it.

Only I reacted at the innuendo, and it was only because Lily cringed when she said it. If my sister and her boyfriend picked up on it, they didn’t give it away.

Megan couldn’t take it anymore and before anyone could finish their meal, she was eyeing us both up. “I had a feeling you’d got together, don’t ask me how but I knew.” Matt kept his eyes on his food and silently willed us not to rat him out. “I told my idiot brother here that you were perfect for each other, so when did he finally get the courage to ask you out?”

“Hey,” I chuckled, about to enjoy the next bit, “she came on to me!”

“No. Way.” Meg replied scandalously.

“It’s true, I don’t know what came over me,” Lily sighed jokingly. “Proper Hollywood declaration of love and all sorts,” she added. I felt like she was being candid to show Meg how serious it was for her, though being self-depreciating with it was a smart angle.

I decided to help her out with the sympathy. “Yeah, it was serious. Obviously, it was a tough decision and I had to take some time, establish if I had better offers and all that.”

Matt actually believed me and looked over in surprise. “He’s joking,” Meg assured him. I was busy being hit by Lily’s napkin.

“Now, I’m in trouble, aren’t I? Just as in love, can’t stop thinking about her and know I’ll be screwed if she ever realises she could do better.”

“I know the feeling mate,” Matt chimed in.

“Smooth,” I pointed at him. We all laughed.

Lily & I sorted the plates when we were all finished, while the other two sat together and chatted. “I bloody love you Lily,” I declared quietly. “I can’t wait until they fuck off so I can show you just how much.”

Lily leaned over and gave me a quick kiss. “What’s got you so soppy?”

“This, this evening, you just feel like home.”

If Lily was still playing our game of chess, she didn’t let me know it because once they left, she was ready to give me the head she’d promised to give me. Almost as soon as the door shut and we bid goodnight to Meg & Matt, she was on me with kisses and trying to get my cock out of my jeans. I didn’t let her though and instead carried her to bed and spent so long worshipping her body and going down on her that she ran out of energy to return the favour long before I was ready to stop making her cum with my tongue and the vibrator that I used on her.

I just couldn’t get enough of the feel of her clit and lips on my tongue and in my mouth. Her moans just spurred me on, I didn’t want them to stop until I no longer had the energy to keep going, or she didn’t. I had this almost relentless desire to bring her pleasure and show her through intimacy that she meant everything to me. I definitely succeeded if the shared looks of adoration were anything to go by.

When I flipped her onto her front and kissed her previously sore cheeks, I found myself drawn towards kissing my way down to the middle. I spread her cheeks and kept kissing until I got to her hole and gently probed it with my tongue. When Lily didn’t react, I kept going until her hips started to move with my tongue. I paused and put the toy in her hand, which she guided under her and onto her clit.

“I cannot believe how good this feels,” she moaned into her pillow. I squeezed her cheek in agreement. “What is happening?!”

When she came again, I decided that was all I could do without feeling light-headed. I rinsed my mouth, got the dishwasher going and came back to bed to find Lily with her arm hanging off the bed, looking utterly spent. I got in beside her and stroked her back for a minute before leaning over and grabbing a hairband so I could tie her hair up and out of the way for her.

After I turned the lights off and I thought she’d fallen asleep, she spoke into the darkness. “You’ve just moved anal sex from the fantasy list to the I need it to happen list.”

“That was not my intention,” I chuckled, “I just got carried away.”

“I know,” she replied, pausing to drink the water from the glass I’d put to her lips, “You’ll be the first. Honestly, if I wasn’t so tired, we’d probably be doing it right now.”

“I wouldn’t last two minutes!” I pointed out, very aware of how heavy my balls felt.

“In that case…” Lily joked sleepily. “Seriously though, I can’t even get up to pee, but I am very aware that you must be needing to cum so as soon as I’m up tomorrow, I’m going to show you how grateful I am.”

“I do like a plan,” I teased. Lily didn’t reply and within a few seconds had started to lightly snore.

***

Mike & I went for dinner at his Mum’s house soon after we had Megan & Mathew over. I was welcomed into the family as though I’d always been a part of it. Helen greeted me like it hadn’t been years since I’d last seen her and didn’t make feel as though I needed to prove my worth to be with her son.

Before I knew it, she was suggesting we go shopping together, which I was happy to do as a way to bond with her – although I’d have preferred something that didn’t risk involving how indecisive I was or conversely, how much I was willing to spend on a dress.

Megan joined us and we spent most of the day shopping for Helen, to my relief. “How about you and I go shopping together soon?” Megan offered away from Helen.

“Just as long as you don’t judge me for my expensive tastes,” I grinned.

We did indeed go shopping together the following week while the boys went to watch the football and did their share of bonding. To my delight, Megan also had an eye for an expensive dress and shared similar tastes, so the judgement wasn’t forthcoming, but we were very bad influences on each other. I got a little telling off from Mike when he saw how much I’d bought. Far from dissuading me, it just pushed my buttons and I felt need to apologise with my mouth for a lot of the evening.

Without doubt, Meg and I became friends – and not just because I was with her brother, and we therefore had to be. Megan even met up with me while I was out for drinks with the girls, by chance. She happened to be at a bar down the road and met us afterwards, getting on with Amy and Liv like a house on fire. We had great fun sending Mike a surprise selfie together while he was in the basement gym in my building.

Family dinners at Helen’s became a frequent occurrence and it was with a sense of guilt that I started shifting plans with my own Mum so that I could go. It was a family vibe that I’d always craved and never had, so I loved being part of it. I wasn’t complacent enough to stop bringing flowers every week despite Helen’s insistence it was unnecessary and I even made the occasional dessert when I was in the right headspace the night before – though that would usually depend on how work had gone that day. I’m not ashamed to say that I desperately wanted their approval and to be honest, a lot of that was down to overcompensating for my own family problems and lack of approval. I knew that.

So, Mike & I had crossed that threshold, on his side at least. It was glaringly obvious to all involved that we were in love and that marriage beckoned in our future. I’d always made it a life priority to be married with children before 30 but now that I was with someone who I would marry the next day without hesitation, I felt in no rush. It was crazy to me to realise how much importance I’d put into something that was in reality, an arbitrary target. I was 28 when I started dating Benjamin and 30 was now just around the corner. But yet, back then I felt like I was running out of time and now, I felt like I had all the time in the world.

We had Mike’s family over at his for a change one weekday evening. Helen had been so good with accommodating me and making sure there was a vegetarian option that I’d wanted to repay the favour. In the end, Mike had done the cooking instead, because work had been too intense and he knew the second I got to his that I wasn’t in a good headspace.

At first it had alarmed me when I noticed how much I was letting work and general life stresses get to me but a combination of Mike and my therapist got me to see that I was actually just feeling things now, rather than repelling them with walls and internalising the impact of that. Mike dealt with stress much better than me – I was undoubtedly a perfectionist and he wasn’t. He was able to manage me because he knew me and because I knew I could trust him to.

“I’m fine to cook,” I assured him when I got there and took my coat off. “A glass of wine would help though,” I added a little forcefully.

“Let me help Lils, I want to.” I could hear the impatience in his voice.

My stubbornness met it in return. “No, I said I wanted to cook for them, so just let me.”

I was being ridiculous; I hadn’t even got changed out of my work clothes while I was boiling up a tomato sauce. You can imagine what happened next. “Shit!” I exclaimed.

“Okay, enough,” Mike stood up from the counter having left me to it for a few minutes. “I worked from home today, you’ve been so busy you didn’t eat lunch which you know worries me, and now you want to cook just to prove, what?”

I blushed and turned towards the source of that assertive voice, bashfully. I was always upset on the rare occasion I annoyed or disappointed Mike (sometimes, even I knew I could be difficult) but alongside being upset, I was also aroused when I annoyed him. My nipples chose that moment to poke against my stained baby blue shirt, even though I was wearing a bra. Damn my twisted mind.

Mike noticed and it seemed to annoy him a little more. I couldn’t help myself; I was massively into the authority dynamic he had over me. He turned it up a notch, whether intentional or not. “Stand here,” he pointed to a spot a foot away from him and I felt my legs move in obedience before my brain could dare to disagree. When he was like this, I did as I was told, always. I knew when to push him and when not to.

“Take your clothes off.” I obeyed him, nodding in agreement submissively. I felt the stress leaving me and a desire to do as I was told filling the void as I unbuttoned my shirt. This side of me was only ever for him. He was the only one who had ever seen me like this and the only one who ever would.

I took my clothes off in a very mechanical way until I stood naked in front of him, my eyes cast down in obedience, my back straight. I wasn’t trying to seduce him with my movements, and he wasn’t making it sexual either. I was being admonished and while that aroused me, I also knew I needed to respect what was happening, because I wanted it this way. I needed to be taken out of my head when I got like this and when it came to my needs, I readily accepted Mike knew me better than myself.

I then gave each item to him in the hand he held out. “I’m sorry, Sir,” I offered.

I can’t describe the mental resilience I had built in the time we had been together. To go from stubborn and strung-out, to submissive and obedient in a matter of moments, required a lot. It required self-confidence, trust and confidence in him to make it good for me.

It gave me much more back because as he stood and considered me, I no longer felt those negative emotions chewing at my nerves. It was like I knew he had me; I knew he’d make it okay. It didn’t need to be sexual, it was about putting control into his hands, because my headspace wasn’t good for me and I couldn’t get out of it when I was like that.

So I was focused on doing as I was told and nothing else. He nodded when he saw me properly relax. “I want you to go and get changed but before you do, I want you to get a toy out and use it to orgasm.” His demand shocked me, visibly, so he added an explanation. “I can see that you’re still tense, and I want you relaxed. I know what my assertiveness does to you and pretty soon that relaxed mood is going to turn into a sexual one, which we can’t risk.”

He spoke logic because I already knew I was going to cum thinking about giving him a blowjob and soothing his anger. “Thank you, Sir.” I blushed again, he knew me so well and I was extremely attracted to that.

By the time Mike’s family arrived, I’d settled, I felt more like myself, and I had given Mike the most grateful kiss I could give him. For a couple of glorious hours, I wasn’t worried about anything at all.

“You should invite your Mum over next time, it’s about time we met her,” Helen suggested.

I felt my stomach drop and I glanced over at Mike guiltily. He hadn’t voiced the same suggestion but there was no doubt he was thinking it. All too soon, I was worried again. This time, Mike wasn’t going to be able to help me.

***

“I want to watch you masturbate,” Mike responded. Thankfully in the safety of my apartment.

I was beyond surprised. He could have had anything. I was horny as hell; we had no plans that afternoon and I told him I would be open to anything. The only way I could have been clearer is if I held up a sign saying ‘take my anal virginity’.

“Just sit here and masturbate?” I asked, gesturing to the sofa we were sitting on. I’d just pulled away from some heavy making-out when I asked him what he wanted.

“Don’t take the sexiness out of it,” he gently chided. “I’m talking about the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, laying on our bed and giving herself pleasure for me, until I can’t take it anymore and need to have her.”

Okay, that sounded a lot more erotic.

If we were going to do that, I wanted to shower and get into some lingerie. I trimmed for him and painted my nails black to go with my lingerie. I wanted to feel that sexy. After I brushed my hair and got into my lingerie, I felt myself becoming aroused. Wanting to live the scene, I got onto our bed and starting to run my hands along my body. I closed my eyes and imagined Mike looking at me; being turned on by what he saw. His imagined arousal turned me on.

I felt the heat over my thong when my fingers rubbed over it and my other hand played with my nipple. I wore a balconette bra with lace panels that showed the sides of my breasts but kept my nipples hidden. It felt very appropriate for the show. I played with each of my pointed nipples until they were hard against the thin material. My lips had long since started to moisten my underwear, the shape of them starting to press against the material.

“Mike, can you come in here honey?” I called out. Honey? I never called him honey.

He walked in shortly after and let out a long sigh of want. My eyes were closed, and I was seriously horny now.

“Baby, I’m really turned on,” I moaned, “please fuck me.”

I’m sure he walked in expecting role-play of some kind, but he knew straight-away from my tone that I wasn’t playing.

“Not yet,” he replied, moving to me and sitting at the foot of the bed to watch me.

My eyes opened and I pleaded with him to take his shirt off. I’d gone from a 5 to a 10 in horniness in the space of just a few minutes. There was something about being his object of desire that did things for me. I was always so ‘on’ for him.

“Spread your legs wide and carry on playing with yourself,” he ordered. I did, making sure my foot rested on his thigh so I could at least touch him.

I continued like that for a few minutes, rubbing my clit over my thong and playing with my breasts with my eyes mostly closed. Mike just watched, lust in his eyes and encouragement in his tone when he told me how sexy I looked and to keep going. I began working myself into a frenzy and thankfully, it was having an effect on Mike too.

“Pull your underwear down to your thighs and keep rubbing yourself,” he instructed. I saw him having to adjust in his trousers. God, this was so hot.

I pulled my underwear down and we both watched, as though in slow motion, my sticky wetness covering the inside of the material, with strands of it pulling away from my pussy in the direction of my thong. “So sexy,” Mike breathed, before I had any chance to feel embarrassed.

I carried on touching myself but without the additional layer of material, my clit was even more sensitive, and I had to keep my touch slow and deliberate to stay under control. It didn’t stop me moaning though and I started to do so without care. The sounds got to Mike in the end because after a particularly long whimper where I felt myself getting to the edge, he let out a growl and took my foot in his hands, kissing it all over.

I gasped, shockwaves running through my body, and I plunged two fingers straight into my hole now he had made contact, thrusting my hips towards them while he worshipped me. He stopped when he felt my body movements and he pulled away. I looked at him in absolute adoration. What he did to me defied my comprehension. But what he did next took it to another level.

“Do you want to be filled?” He asked with a smirk that should have worried me, but it didn’t. I nodded excitedly, more than happy to go wherever he was taking it. He walked to the drawer we kept our toys in and then I knew where he was taking it. Or I thought I did.

When he turned back to me, he was holding lube and a silicone butt plug, one up from the one we’d started to use to build me up to taking him. I groaned but the fact that I put drew my feet up and bent my knees for easier access, didn’t go unnoticed by either of us.

He put the plug and the lube beside me and sat back where he was. “You know what to do,” he answered in response to my stunned expression. He actually wanted me to do it to myself? I couldn’t believe that the prospect of doing that for him while he watched would arouse me in the way it was.

But I had some cards to play too. I took the plug and ran it along my pussy, across my wet lips and then into my hole slightly. I pulled it out with my juices all over it and with Mike’s eyes wide, took it into my mouth. I just about held off my grin as he let out a deep breath and watched me.

Then I took some lube and started rubbing it between my cheeks. I moved the angle of my body so that he could see it better, exposing both my holes to him shamelessly. I did all of the prep we’d researched, applied lube on the toy again and started to slowly work it into me. That it was already the biggest thing I had back there was a momentarily sobering thought. Then I remembered it was all so I could have Mike in my hole and far from scaring me, it aroused me and allowed me to breathe through it, until I slowly worked my way in.

I tried to keep eye contact with Mike as much as possible. This was his scene, his fantasy that I was here to give him, so I did as he directed. When he told me to put two fingers inside my pussy while I loosened my other hole, I did so gladly. I held my mouth open wide, inviting him in there wordlessly. I needed it more than I could vocalise to him but I didn’t ask for it, I just looked at it and pleaded submissively, for all of my holes to be filled.

When he walked around the bed a minute later and simply pulled his cock out with his trousers still on, I took him in my mouth greedily. I pushed my fingers as deep into me as they would go and I sucked him with pleasure. The plug stayed in my stretched hole and I was in heaven.

He kept me like that for a couple of minutes until he pulled out and started to get properly undressed. The fact that I hadn’t had an orgasm yet after the better part of 30 minutes playing with myself, wasn’t lost on me. I was starting to fall into the depths of desperation that I loved Mike putting me in. That boundary-pushing mindset where I’d do anything to please him and orgasm; I was in that space now.

Once he’d got undressed, he flipped me onto my front, manhandling me with ease. After spending his time dominating me mentally, which was the part he always focused his care on, the physical side came next. That side of things was obvious and easy – he could physically dominate me whenever we were in the mood. The mental side though, once he got me into that space, it was a different level.

I turned and watched him take the bondage tape from the drawer – non-sticky, durable tape. He was so hard it was almost intimidating. But yet again, that just aroused me. He wouldn’t need any lube to enter me, that was for sure.

I held my hands up without being told and he wrapped the tape around my wrists securing them in-place and putting them above me. I kept them stretched out ahead of me, not intending to move them. I thought that would be all, but it wasn’t. He put my legs into a position he was satisfied with – just under shoulder-width apart – and then he wrapped the tape around them too. I could close my legs but couldn’t open them any wider. A mixture of arousal, excitement and nerves threatened to overwhelm me.

He left the room and promised to return in a minute. When he did, he came back with a glass of water and had me drink some. I did so and thanked him for looking after me as always, genuinely touched. Who does that?

Then he set the glass on the side and put his cock against my mouth, requesting entry. I took him in and got as much of him covered with my saliva as I could because I instinctively knew that was all he wanted.

He got behind me and the reason he had taped my thighs became clear. He took hold of my hips and raised my midriff slightly, before kneeling either side of my bound legs. My butt plug remained in place and my breathing started to quicken with arousal, knowing I was going to have two holes filled at once.

“Please…”

I had no idea what I was begging for. I often didn’t, I just let Mike figure it out.

He slowly but firmly pushed into me, making me take him. The plug and my filling pussy made me feel deliciously full. Before I knew it, I was thanking him.

“Thank you for giving me your cock Sir,” I gratefully expressed in a full sentence, the way I knew he liked it because it gave him the clarity that my pleading never did. The restriction, the filling of my holes, the dominance. He owned me right then in mind, body and even soul. I was ready to submit to him unreservedly.

He knew that was the case because he didn’t build me up to managing him, he just got me loose enough to start fucking in that prone-bone position and then he did. He took a firm hold of my hips and then he started to fuck me, hard. Within seconds, I felt his cock stimulating my g-spot with every thrust and I cried out in pleasure.

My clit was being ignored but that didn’t matter because what he was doing inside me was driving me utterly insane. I was a babbling mess, restricted and with nowhere to go.

He made me cum barely minutes into fucking me. He just kept hitting my g-spot until I couldn’t take it anymore and he forced an orgasm from me. I cried out and whimpered, thanking him for being the best lover I’d ever had. I don’t remember half the things I said to him as I rode the wave, in truth, but I definitely told him I was his for life, because that declaration took my orgasm to another level.

He slowed down for my cum-down (pun intended) but he didn’t stop. Instead, he pulled at the butt plug and lubed up my hole some more. The cold lube made me squeal but I could barely move an inch to get away, so I just took it until his use of the toy to fuck my arse warmed my hole enough.

“Do you see how sexy you are now?” Mike asked once I was coherent enough to look around and beg for more.

I could have bashfully shrugged or blushed, but I didn’t. He made me feel so sexy that I couldn’t deny it. “Yes,” I answered with conviction.

“I love you Lily,” he gushed to the woman restrained underneath him with her holes filled.

“Okay,” I agreed, grinding back into him for pleasure, “this is a very good fantasy,” I grinned, staring straight ahead. “But I do have something that’ll make it better.”

I looked around and saw the passion in his warm brown eyes. “Oh?”

I smirked, I was going to regret saying this but at the same time, it was all I wanted. “You could make it a lot better by just relentlessly pounding me until you’re finished, and not worry about me.”

He looked at me and I could see how enticing that offer sounded. “Red means stop, and amber means slow, okay?”

I nodded. “Good boy, you know your colours,” I teased, wanting to antagonise him. “Do you understand what I mean right now when I say green, green, green?”

He took the bait and growled, “so be it.”

If he was fucking me before, he was hammering me this time. When my next orgasm started to build, I was almost embarrassed by how turned on I was from his roughness. It was relentless pounding from an extremely fit, strong man, into a woman who was inches shorter than him and quite significantly smaller in stature. The imagery alone was driving me crazy, as was the state I was getting into. I was sweating all over from taking him, alternating between being fucked into silence and shouting my pleasure into the pillow.

It was the most intense amount of sexual pleasure I’d ever received. It was mind-numbingly good, where my brain thought of nothing; the pleasure in my body silenced my thoughts. Mike fucked me through an insane number of orgasms, it might have been five at the last count. My legs were cramping, and I was actually crying from the intensity of it all.

“I’m crying but I promise it’s a good thing,” I told him between sobs, as I couldn’t have him stopping to check if I was okay. “Green, very green,” I half-shouted in my haste to reassure him.

“You feel so good,” Mike started to tell me after that, praising me in the objectifying way I needed it. “You’re amazing and you’re the best I’ve ever had.”

I didn’t know how much I needed to hear that until right then. That I was that good for someone in bed, for him.

“Tell me that some more,” I begged him. I needed his praise so much right then because I wanted to admit something else too.

“Whatever you want, you get,” he told me as I whimpered underneath him. He kept telling me how good I was as the fucking continued. He barely slowed down at all; it was unbelievable.

I took a deep, exhausted breath. Could I say it? Could I let herself go like that and just give myself to someone? My pussy and whatever part of my brain controlled my hormones, were begging me to.

“I promise you baby, I’ll do anything you want whenever you want it,” I cried out, releasing the floodgates, “I have no limits with you and I need you to know that,” I pleaded.

Mike moaned and moved his body down, so he was completely on top of me, resting on his elbows either side of me. I was trapped underneath him and made to take his hard pounding. I screamed into the pillow, barely able to breath. He kissed my neck, covered in sweat. “I love you,” he told me.

“Tell me you know I’m yours,” I begged, “I need to hear you say it so I can cum.” I knew I needed it, I needed to get to that place with him. The place I’d avoided for so long where I needed to be something so at-odds with who I was.

“You belong to me baby,” he whispered into my ear. Those words made all the difference because even in his aroused state where excitement might have made him omit the crucial part, he knew it was only for him that I’d do this.

He kept building me to yet another orgasm but this one felt different. It felt like it was coming from deep inside me. I started to buck against my restraints to get away but his grip on my hips was too strong and he fucked me through whatever I was feeling mercilessly.

His words triggered me and with another deep thrust of his cock my orgasm burst from me, I screamed until his hand covered my mouth and his other hand pulled hard at my hair. “Oh fuck,” I heard him say and he lifted off me, taking my upper body with him as he pulled at my hair. I felt myself push him out of me and then liquid followed. My mind clouded over, and I just felt it coming out of me as I moaned into his hand, shaking violently.

When my mind cleared somewhat, my whole body was sticky and wet. My back and front were covered in sweat but my legs, especially my thighs, were wet. “Oh God,” I groaned. The science told me the squirting mess had mostly come from my bladder, but my body was telling me otherwise. I felt utterly spent but completely satisfied.

Mike was laying beside me, gently running a hand along my back while I recovered. The bondage tape had been cut away, I had felt him doing it while I was in a state of shock. The butt plug too had been removed; my holes felt empty.

“Are you okay to continue?” I asked him once I’d recovered enough, hoping he wasn’t grossed out.

“Are you?” He laughed pulling at my arm gently so I could move around. I turned over and chanced a look down, aroused by what I saw.

“Just go slow and let me make you cum,” I told him in the sexiest voice my exhausted body could manage.

He fucked me in a range somewhere between making love to me and using my hole as I told him to. It was the perfect middle ground and it let me drift into a state of bliss as I gave my man pleasure. When I felt his thrusts start to pick up pace and his breathing increase, I scrunched my eyes tight shut and asked him the question I wanted to know.

“Would it gross you out too much if I still wanted to clean you when you’re done?” I knew what I’d be tasting; I was a mess down there. But that just made me want it more in my current headspace. I wanted so badly to push beyond my always-present fears of being judged and do what felt right in the moment. I always wanted to clean him, I always would.

He didn’t reply. Instead, he put two of his fingers on my lips, requesting entry. I sucked them in and snapped my eyes open. “You never have to worry about that with me,” he promised.

I continued sucking his fingers until he emptied inside of me. He sped up and held his fingers in my mouth as he groaned and unloaded inside me. I felt him flooding me and I sucked on his fingers relentlessly until he was finished, my eyes closed in pleasure.

When he pulled out, my hand covered my hole, and I kept it there as I somehow found the energy to go to my knees and suck him. He groaned yet again as I pleasured him, this time with my mouth. I tasted my mess and I shamelessly moaned around his cock. Then I went one better and licked my palm clean after I had finished cleaning him. I collapsed backwards, inadvertently falling onto the huge wet spot I made. It was still drying, and my hair further soaked it up. My hair that I loved and spent so much effort looking after.

“I’m a mess,” I laughed giddily, my pussy still leaking his cum. You’re alive, Lils.

I felt him leave the room while my eyes were still closed, and I could hear the distant sound of taps running. He returned a couple of minutes later and announced his presence with a kiss on my forehead.

I opened my eyes and saw him holding two glasses – one filled with water, the other empty. “Spit and then swallow,” he quipped. I rinsed my mouth first, spitting into the empty glass and then drunk the rest of the water that remained.

When I was done, he put them down (those glasses were really piling up on my bedside table and I tried not to notice) and lifted me up in his arms. I giggled like the cute little thing he made me feel like in his arms and let him carry me to my bathroom, where a warm bath was running with a soothing bath bomb melding its colours into the clear water. I could smell lavender and camomile.

I cleared him out of the room and emptied my bladder to prevent any UTIs and then I brushed my teeth. When I opened the door back up, I’d expected him to have gone to change the sheets, but he was waiting patiently outside.

He followed me back into the room, helped me and my shaking legs into the bath and then to my surprise, proceeded to bathe me gently. He washed me down with a cloth, applying care to every touch. He lovingly shampooed my hair and even put conditioner in. When I was freshly clean, he helped me out, dried me off and took me to the sofa, where he made me a cup of tea, kissed me and left me to have a shower and change the bed. Who the fuck does that after what I just did?

I knew I was in love with him but as I sat there drinking my tea, I reflected that I’d just fallen for him to a whole new level. Moreso, if he could take care of me so lovingly after what we just did, I had no doubt his feelings matched my own.

***

It got to the point where I had no choice but to tell my Mum I was seeing Mike. I was spending more time with his family, and it was becoming glaringly obvious that I was holding back on my side. Mike never pushed me, but he’d stopped with the little hints about meeting my Mum which told me he knew there was an issue. For all of my talk about not caring what anyone thought, I think he was starting to doubt that was true. What he didn’t understand was that I was putting it off because I knew it would go badly and I knew what I’d end up needing to do. Sometimes I hated being right.

I spent all day at work with a pit of dread for dinner that evening. Only Amy was free to join me after work for some liquid courage. We stopped after a glass of wine each and it wasn’t until we were walking to the station that she asked me why I was so anxious about seeing my Mum for dinner.

“She’s never liked Mike,” I explained, having never admitted it out loud before. “She’s never outright said it that way, but she always used to get a look when I’d bring him up in conversation.”

“Why?” Amy questioned, rightly perplexed. There was no logical reason beyond it being what she had always been like. If she felt I could do better – be it friends or relationships, she’d let me know about it. Maybe that was part of the reason I’d left university friendless. Amy filled the silence with more questions. “You were only ever friends, right? Does she know about the kiss?”

“God no!” I replied at once. If my Mum had known that Mike had kissed me all those years ago, it would have proven her point, in her mind at least.

I took the train towards the southern edge of London, passing the stop that I used to get off at to see my gran. It hurt that I no longer had any reason to get off at that stop and instead kept going for another few minutes until I got to my Mum’s station. Painful in a different way.

I’d only spent my teenage years in this terraced house; the house my Mum had bought with the proceeds of the divorce. Because of the way it had come into my life and the memories associated with it, it had never felt like home. After university I couldn’t wait to move into my own place and ever since, I only felt like a guest here. There was a ‘guest room’ upstairs rather than ‘Lily’s old bedroom’ even though I was the only one that had ever slept in there, which spoke volumes.

I let myself in, hung my coat up and found my Mum in the kitchen peeling carrots. She kissed me on the cheek, looking tired and slightly harassed, so I picked up the peeler and helped her. We talked about our day and how we were doing, at a very surface-level. My Mum rarely spoke about actual feelings, and I still cringed when I thought about the time I had told her I was sad about her & dad divorcing. She’d got YouTube up on the computer and played charity adverts that had been on tv across the last few years – the ones of poor, starving children around the world – and told me that’s what I should be sad about.

When dinner was made – sausages, mash & veg, we didn’t talk and instead watched the news, which we always did while I was growing up. It was where I’d found my dream to work in that area. It was an exciting escape from the dull silence between the three of us and eventually, two of us. Calling the news exciting probably says a lot about how depressing my evenings were.

“Don’t you like your sausages?”

I looked over. I’d given up telling her I was vegetarian and that sausages having onion or leek in them didn’t count if there was meat in them too. I’d got through one but left the other two and cleared the veg and mash instead. “They were nice, I just liked the other bits more.”

“This is how you stay so slim,” she flattered with a smile.

“Mike & I are dating,” I blurted out.

I watched as she paused, almost trying to remember who Mike was, as though it must have been someone else and it couldn’t be who she thought. Then her face gained a look of shock on it, and she recoiled slightly.

“Mike Davies, who looks like he’s got more demons with him than an exorcist?”

“Jesus, Mum,” I gasped, “What the hell?”

It only got worse from there, as she character-assassinated the man I loved. He was an idiot, he was unambitious, what he had in muscle, he lacked in brains, he’d never be able to support me. I would spend my life trying to lift him to my level and fall into despair when I couldn’t.

“When I spoke to him at the funeral and you ran over like a cat coming for milk, it was so abundantly clear that he didn’t want to be there. Like he was too good for a funeral,” she scoffed.

Why do you think I went running over, with you thinking this about him? “He’d just come back to the country, he was at a funeral, and he knew nobody, did you expect him to be cheery?”

She moved on to her next attack line. “What’s he doing now then? Instagram personal fitness?”

“He’s got a job at an engineering company, he’s doing really well,” I promised. The conversation was slipping so badly out of my control. She was making him seem like a deadbeat. “He has his own place; he’s got a good life.” My answers weren’t helping. All my Mum was hearing was that this deadbeat was on a slightly upward trajectory.

She decided to change tack the more I defended him and the more she realised I cared about him. It went from aggressive to compassionate, as though she was just trying to help me see sense.

“In a couple of years, you could be producing your own show. Having support from someone like Benjamin, who’s smart and already running something, would have got you there. I just don’t want you to spend time with someone who’s not on your level, have things go wrong in a few months and then your heart is full of regret and your career is damaged. For what? To indulge a little curiosity with the big, strong army man? Think of what you’re doing Elizabeth.”

I felt the crippling vocal paralysis that I always had when my Mum got going like this and I knew there was no way to win. This was just another moment in the years of her telling me why she was always right and why whatever she said was only in my best interests. I said nothing, I just took it, hoping she’d run out of steam soon. But telling her I was with Mike seemed to just energise that side of her like taking a match to touch paper.

“And what am I going to say to my cousins, huh? Do I apologise that he left their daughter to be with mine? Do I warn the other women in the family that he’s coming for them next?”

“Mum!” That was a comment I couldn’t take. “Chloe & I have spoken about it and it’s fine. They broke up months before we got together and honestly when it comes to what they think, I don’t care.” I finished my statement with a finality that put her into momentary silence.

“I care!” She snarled. It was such an ugly look that I couldn’t believe a mother was looking at her daughter like that.

I jumped up and stormed off to the bathroom, fighting back tears. You are not going to spend another evening crying in this house, Lily. I took some deep, steadying breaths and fished my phone from the pocket of my jeans. There was a message from Mike on it.

Mike: Hope you’re having a good evening my love. My family meal’s lovely but I miss you. Sad we’re not spending the night together x

I shakily tapped out a reply after splashing my cheeks with water.

Lily: Having a good evening here too, I love you lots x

I walked back into the kitchen a few minutes later, when I was sure I could do what I needed to do. My Mum was washing dishes as though nothing had happened. As though her daughter hadn’t just stormed off close to tears.

“Lily,” she said when she saw me, putting the plate down and extending her arms. “I hate it when we fight.” It was like two different people, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“No!” I shouted, putting my arm out between us. She’d stopped dead at my shout, so I put my hand back down and used it to lean on the dining chair for support. “You don’t get to keep doing this. Not with him.”

She looked confused, as though she couldn’t understand what was wrong. My therapist was going to have a field day with this tomorrow. The topic would be no surprise to her, given my Mum was the reason I needed therapy in the first place. An absent father, a strict and impossible-to-please Mother, textbook.

“I love him,” I told her softly but firmly. Her face fell as though her worst nightmare was coming true. “I’m not telling you to ask for your blessing or your permission or anything like that. I’m telling you because you ought to know that he’s the person I’m going to marry and have children with.”

“Lily,” came the whispered reply. “Are you–”

“No!” I cut in. “Don’t you dare ask me if I’m sure. As though I can’t make my own decisions.”

I walked back towards the front door and put my boots on. Mum followed me with her washing gloves still on, dripping water along the carpet. It was almost comical. I put my coat on before I looked back at her.

“Don’t make me choose.”

I had walked to the train station without taking in anything around me and I was on the train for about 10 minutes before the ringing in my ears stopped. It took me a further few minutes to realise I had missed the interchange and was instead heading in the direction of Mike’s house on autopilot.

He wasn’t back when I got there so I let myself in and got into bed where I finally let myself cry. I’d been doing that more than normal recently, but I now saw it as a good thing. Being at a point where I was finally secure in my life meant that I had the strength to face some of the things I’d avoided for years. Tears were always going to follow, but doing the work was important.

I had so much still to work through with my parents and for the first time in a long time, I thought about making contact with my dad. Perhaps it was the fear of my mum not contacting me again that did it. I was determined not to contact her, so she knew my ultimatum was serious, but she was a stubborn woman too. My thoughts ran me in circles until I fell into a sleep.

I awoke with a start when Mike turned the bedroom light on and called out my name.

“What are you doing here?” I could see the worry come into his face as he looked at me and saw that I’d obviously been crying.

I didn’t want to tell him, but he was also my partner in the truest sense of the word, and I didn’t want to lie. When he sat next to me and put his arm on me with a look of concern, I couldn’t stop myself. “Mum was quite bad about us being together. I know it’s probably not great for you to hear that, she’s just anxious I guess.”