But she didn’t feel as invisible as before.
Chapter One
He had seen her; she knew it as soon she saw him waiting outside her last class of the day, leaning with apparent casualness against the wall. How had he known where she would be? He gave her the merest flick of a glance as she passed, certainly no more than a second-year boy would normally have given to a mousy little freshman girl with glasses, braces and bad clothes, but there was knowledge in that look that confirmed it.
He knew.
But why hadn’t he said something at the dance? If he told anyone, oh god, she’d be suspended at least, or maybe arrested! Her knees felt like jelly as she continued down the hall, imagining the shame of it: walking down the halls, sitting in class, knowing that everyone knew what she was. If she were ever allowed to come back, that is.
As she turned the corner she looked back. And saw him. Now he was looking directly at her–he was walking towards her!
She panicked, hurried down the hall and ducked into the bathroom to catch her breath. Fortunately it was empty, everyone having rushed out after school on this sunny afternoon.
She stood at one of the sinks, looking at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were wide behind her glasses, her breathing too fast. She tried to calm herself. Maybe he wouldn’t tell; he seemed like a nice enough boy, as near as she could tell, considering that they lived in different universes, practically. She was positive he’d never noticed her before…before he saw… But if he wasn’t going to tell, why had he been waiting for her, why had he looked at her like that? Oh god, she was in such trouble.
She leaned forward, letting her forehead rest against the coolness of the mirror. She closed her eyes.
She had no idea how long she’d been standing there like that when she heard the bathroom door open. She quickly pulled herself upright and opened her eyes. And felt her heart stop.
In the mirror, behind her: it was him. She turned, gasping.
He seemed not to notice as he stopped and simply stood there looking at her, his hands in his pockets, a good-looking boy she’d occasionally admired from a distance. He seemed relaxed, as if he wasn’t committing a serious violation of the rules by his mere presence. A boy in the girls’ bathroom! But there was no one around, and he obviously knew she was in no position to tell on him.
He looked at her for a long moment to let her know he understood the situation, then said, “Hello, Jane.” He knew her name! “You certainly like to play hide and seek, don’t you?”
He waited for her to reply. Then, when it was apparent that she was speechless, continued. “I mean, you’re always hiding, aren’t you? If it’s not the bathroom, you’re hiding in the back of the class. Or in the back of the bus. Or…” He raised his eyebrows slightly and seemed to smile. “…in the coatroom.” She gasped. “You spend a lot of time in the coatroom. Don’t you, Jane?”
She still didn’t speak. She didn’t have to. Her face had gone totally white, and she leaned back against the sink, steadying herself with both hands.
“So, now we know who the legendary thief is.” He began walking slowly toward her. “And so far the only two people who know are you and me–right?”
She managed to nod as he stopped in front of her, looking down into her face with an expression that was partially amusement and partially…she didn’t know what, but it sent a shiver up her spine.
“Take off your glasses.”
What? Why? She did so, holding them awkwardly in her hands as he gazed at her for what must have only been a few seconds but seemed to go on for hours. It was hard to meet his gaze.
How blue his eyes were.
He seemed to nod slightly to himself, then continued. “Hmm. I guess that means we both have decisions to make.”
She had no idea what he meant and he knew it. She started to put her glasses back on but he said, “No. Leave them off.” She fumbled with them for a moment, then slipped them into her dress pocket as he continued. “My decision is simple: do I turn you in…or not? And I’m guessing,” he said with an ironic lift of his eyebrows, “that you’d like it better if I didn’t. I don’t think you’d get along very well with the other kids in prison,” he added dryly.
She was so terrified that her teeth were almost chattering, but managed to find enough voice to stammer out a tiny, “…no…please…”
He continued to look down at her, and now an intense, considering look began to appear in his eyes, as he went on. “Well then, you’ll be glad to know that my decision will depend on your decision.”
What decision? She stared at him, numb.
“Well,” he said, as if she asked the question out loud, “since you’re a thief, you should be punished, right?”
She hesitated, then gave the barest of nods, hardly breathing, unable to guess where he was leading.
He nodded back, slightly. “So would you rather be punished by the school, and your parents, and maybe the police…” He deliberately left it unfinished for a moment, knowing she was hooked. The weighing look became concentrated, a laser beam, as he finished, “Or…by me?”
At first she couldn’t take it in. Punished by him? She thought her heart had stopped but now it was going like a rabbit’s. She opened her mouth, but at first nothing came out. Then: “…H-how…wh-what…”
He smiled a tight smile. “That’s right, you have no idea what I’d do–and I’m not going to tell you. On the other hand, whatever punishment you get from me will be just between us, I promise. No one else will ever know. So what’ll it be, Jane? Do you want to be punished by them?” He jerked a thumb back over his shoulder to indicate her parents, the school, the police, and the rest of the world. “Or by me?”
His gaze seemed to be burning straight through her. And yet, terrified as she was, she saw something unexpected in his eyes: for just an instant she sensed that his aggressiveness was a pretense; that behind it he was almost as afraid as she was. Then it was gone–and she was still trapped.
She was almost as afraid of him as of the alternative. But what choice did she really have? Nothing he could do would be as bad as having her crimes made public.
She looked down and barely whispered, “You.”
“Oh, no,” he exclaimed. “You’ll have to do better than that. Look at me.”
He reached out and placed two fingers under her chin, the sudden touch a small electric shock. Then he tilted her chin up so that she was again looking directly into his eyes. Blue. Hypnotic.
“Now say, ‘I deserve to be punished.'”
She couldn’t tear her eyes away. It was as if someone else was speaking as the words came out: “I…I deserve to be p-punished.”
He held her with his gaze. “I want you to punish me.”
“I w-want you…to punish me.” It was as if she were disappearing into his eyes.
“Any way you want to.”
“Any way you want to.”
“I’ll do whatever you tell me.”
“I’ll d-do…whatever you tell me.”
“I swear it.”
“I swear it.”
He released her chin but continued to look deeply into her eyes, and again for an instant his eyes betrayed him; she thought she saw confusion there, as if he hadn’t really expected her consent and didn’t know what to do next. Then the look was gone, elusive as a fish in the blue depths of his eyes, and the controlling, laser-like gaze returned.