“Can we keep in touch from time to time. I’d like to know how you’re doing and maybe we can catch a movie or dinner.”
“Sounds wonderful. You’ve got my phone number and my email address. Please, let’s do keep in touch.” For the rest of the month we were able to squeeze in two dinner dates. We laughed and had a good time. It was dating without the pressure of dating. I was in the company of interesting, attractive women but with no expectations on either side. Before the month ended, I had to ask a question. “How does an accomplished, desirable woman work day in and day out with an army of nerds?”
“Actually, sometimes it works to my advantage. I can get any one of them to do anything for me. I just have to smile and ask nicely. The ones who stare at me with lovesick eyes are the most difficult. It takes a thick skin, a smile even if you don’t mean it and a firm no time after time. Eventually it sinks in. I’ve never dated any of them. I will never date one of them. Most of them know that by now. I don’t mingle, I don’t go out for drinks, I don’t get together with any of them on the weekend for an activity. It’s a completely different world.”
“How do you find men to date?”
“The women in our group keep an eye out for me. They’re all married, so when they meet somebody interesting that might be a match for me they let me know. I’ve been set up with a date more than once. It actually worked once for more than two dates.”
I couldn’t wait for May to begin.
Miss May was Amber, the tall, willowy one with a Masters in Divinity. For a minister, she was more down to earth than I expected. She had an earthy
quality to her, a ready laugh, a willingness to enjoy the moment. We took a couple of different hikes locally, enjoying being outside after a long, depressing winter. She wore long sleeves and pants with a big hat to guard her pale skin from the sun. I asked her if she had ever tanned and she said she had really tried once and gotten to a fairly normal skin color but not what anyone would call a tan. She just didn’t tan, but could easily burn if she wasn’t careful. But it didn’t stop her from enjoying the outdoor. She brought over her husband’s bike along with hers and we rode around town and out to the lake. We rented a paddle boat and paddled around the island and back. I had fixed a picnic lunch and we ate by the lake in the shade of the pine trees.
“This is wonderful, Jeremy. I’m glad we did this.” She reclined on the blanket I had stuffed into my backpack, watching the other boats on the lake. “I’ll have to drag Jeff out here sometime.”
“Don’t you ride together?”
“Like a lot of people, we used to do a lot of things but after buying a house and him getting two promotions, there doesn’t seem to be any time. I counsel a lot of people. It’s a recurring theme. It was fresh and interesting in the beginning but you get too busy and start taking it all for granted. Other things become more important, even if in the larger scheme of things that’s not really true. A healthy relationship is the foundation for happiness, that and a good spiritual foundation.”
“How’s it between you and Jeff?”
“Pretty good but we’re in a rough spot right now. I can hear the tick tock of the biological clock. I really want to have children, two at least. That’s doable if we start soon but the window will start to close after that. I don’t want to wait too late, there’s a much larger risk of Down’s Syndrome if you deliver later in life. Jeff says all the right things and we’ve tried some but nothing’s happened. I want to try harder and if that doesn’t work go to see a specialist to find out what we can do to increase our chances. He’s dragging on that, pleading work and stress. I’ve worked to set the mood and made the effort to make it special. It’s just not reciprocated.”
“Where do you go from here?”
“All my counseling skills are going to be used on myself and Jeff. I need to make it clear this is important to me. If it’s important to him he needs to make a commitment. I’m afraid he might not be ready to make that commitment and that scares me. I may run out of time. I may resent him for not trying. It won’t help our relationship, that’s for sure. I’ve worked with so many couples to help them find a path to stay together. I’m not sure what that path will be for us if he says no. It’s come down to yes or no. There’s no more kicking the can down the road. It’s time to make a decision.”
“I hope this goes well for you. I hear that it is important. I hope he hears that too.”
“Thanks, Jeremy. As much as I don’t want this to end, we need to start heading back. This has been fun. I haven’t had much fun lately.”
We rode back to my house and I helped her load the bikes back on her car rack. She came inside and we had some water to cool down. I fixed some fruit and we sat on the porch, just talking as we sat side by side. She reached over and took my hand in hers.
“Thank you. When we started this monthly thing of spending time with you I wasn’t sure how it would work out. Listening to Faith and Sheila made me feel better about it. Now that I’ve had time with you I have to say it was a great idea, though in some ways I think we women are getting more of it than you. You’ve been a perfect gentleman and I’ve really enjoyed the things we’ve done together. It reminds me of what’s important. It’s renewed my faith in men to an extent. I hear so many stories. As a woman listening to men and women talk about their issues, their conflicts, I sometimes just want to walk over and slap the guy across the face and say to him, “Don’t you see how good you’ve got it? Get it together!”
I laughed and after a few moments she joined in.
“I had a few of those moments early in my marriage with Christie.”
“We all do but we need to learn from them and grow. Listen to me. I’m good at the self-help stuff with everyone but myself.”
“Don’t put yourself down. You’re an extraordinary woman. Jeff is a fool if he doesn’t want to spend his life with you.”
She looked over at me, got out of her chair and pulled me up out of mine. She stepped closed and put her arms around me and hugged me. I hugged her back. She put her head on my shoulder for a moment, then kissed me on the cheek.
“Thanks for listening. It helps me to talk about it. It helps to talk with a male rather than always talking it out with the girls. I know the answer I’ll get from them. It was nice to hear a new perspective.”
“Christie and I had put off children. We were just beginning to talk about it when all of this began. Now I wish we had started earlier. I would have loved to see her with her own children.”
“That is a beautiful thing to say. If this doesn’t work out with Jeff, want to father a couple of kids with me?” She laughed for a moment, then let me go, grabbed my hand and we walked to her car.
“Thanks again. I hope we keep this going. I’ve only got five months to wait until it’s my turn again.”
“Now that’s something to look forward to.”
“Ooooh, a sweet talker!”
She got in and drove away after saying she’d see me at our next meeting. I found I was looking forward to it.