FOUR
We had moved the meeting to the first Saturday of each month. Whomever was the lady of the month would come over after that. Every meeting I talked about how wonderful it was to spend time with such interesting women. I talked about missing Christie. I talked about how the feelings came and went like waves. I told them again and again how these times were helping me get through the waves and begin to enjoy life again. I thanked them time and again for extending themselves to help me. I talked about how lucky I was. I talked about how grateful I was that Christie had met such a wonderful group of people and that I had had the chance to meet them all and spend time with them. I looked forward to every month.
“We enjoy it, too, Jeremy.” Faith said. This isn’t a one-way street. I got a lot out of helping you. If anything I felt I got more from you than you got from me.”
“I second that,” Sheila jumped in to say. “It’s just a different experience. It’s like having a male friend but somehow closer, more intimate than just a friend. Not in a sexual way, but certainly I feel it emotionally and intellectually.”
“Now you’ve got me wanting to be next,” Claudette said, laughing.
We all laughed.
Sheila spoke again that she was ready to have an affair with me anytime. Amber said she was ready to have me father her children. We laughed at what they said.
“I asked him that if Jeff wasn’t ready to commit to kids, then would he father my children. I said it kiddingly but I have to say that there’s more than a grain of truth to it.”
I looked around. There were no shocked looks. Everyone was watching Amber intently.
“I’ve talked with Jeff. I’ve told him clearly it’s time to make a decision. I would respect his decision either way but that he needed to make a decision and let me know. We agreed that he would get back to me within two weeks. It’s been ten days. He’s hardly home. He’s either working late, traveling on business, or hanging out with his buddies. It does not give me any warm and fuzzy feelings. He couldn’t or wouldn’t make an immediate decision and I don’t see any plan in place that he’s consulting with others or really taking this seriously.”
“I’m so sorry to hear you say this. I think the world of you and Jeff,” Stephanie said. They all agreed. “You’ve got to let us know as soon as you get an answer, no matter the day or time. We’re here for you.”
“That includes me,” I said. “You know where I live. You’ve got my number.”
“Thanks, guys. I know you’re always there for me but it’s nice to hear it from you. Jeremy, I hope I didn’t shock you by what I said.”
“Amber, I told you Jeff was a fool if he told you no. I hear how important this it to you. I’m not shocked. If anything, I’m honored that you would even mention it. Who would not want to have children with such an intelligent, articulate, warm and loving woman?”
“About 98% of the male population. Sex? Any time, honey. Kids? Uh, I’ll get back to you on that,” Claudette said.
We all laughed again, with more than one murmur that truer words had never been spoken. With that, the meeting became more serious as four women talked about the ticking sound in their heads. I was surprised that one of them was Sheila, the only single one. Along with Amber and Sheila, Stephanie and Claudette both said they heard the sounds, though it seemed louder to some than others. Faith already had one child and felt that was enough. She said she had plumbing problems that precluded one of her own. They had talked about a surrogate mother but decided against it.
“If it’s all right with the group, I’m going to skip out on the dancing,” Amber said. “I’m just not in the mood.”
“Honey, I don’t think any of us do at this point.”
Sheila and I were the only two single ones who could take in the group without involving a mate, so I invited everyone over to my house, leaving some disappointed men in our wake. The bar always made more money on the night of the meeting from all the men who came to dance and drink, or, more likely, drink a lot and dance a little. We sat around in my great room, digging in a little deeper about the tick tock thing.
The group had already told Stephanie to either leave John or stop talking about how bad a husband he was. She did say that she heard the ticking sound, but it was still faint. She was apprehensive about the future, especially starting over in a relationship. “I’ve got a good job, so taking care of myself won’t be an issue. I just hate to start over.”
“Claudette, what’s up with you and Daniel?”
“I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I’m telling him I’m seriously thinking about starting a family and he’s backpedaling. I’m not saying it has to be now, but it’s time to start thinking more seriously about it. I want a “YES!”, not just an “ok”. So far I’ve not even gotten the “ok”. Why is this such a big deal with men?”
“It’s because they won’t be number one in your life anymore. The kids come first and what’s left over goes to the spouse. Those dreamy Saturday mornings lazing around in bed are long gone, as are date nights, spontaneous sex, or maybe any sex at all. Long dinners for two over candlelight are only a memory. Anything and everything a man likes about your relationship will change.”
This was Amber, speaking the blunt truth. “I’ve seen it too many times to even begin to tell you. The guy’s at the end of the priority list, no one is getting enough sleep, the house is dirty and dinner isn’t always on the table. Maybe he’s been asked to do the laundry and the dishes as well as mow the lawn once a week. How about vacuuming instead of watching a golf game on TV? His life has come to an end. His little playmate has turned into a full-time mommy. Almost to a man they are not ready for the changes that take place. He skips out to josh with his buddies at the local sports bar. She resents him. Things get tense. They come and see me. I get to tell them the facts of life. Step up or step out, buddy.”
“I would love to be the proverbial fly on the wall during that counseling session!” Stephanie cried.
“That’s what makes the thing with Jeff so sad for me. I can see myself sitting in the chair, telling a counselor my laundry list of things that have gone wrong. I’m seeing just a typical guy in the other seat. He still wants the fun, the excitement, the times together, the sex when he wants it. It was fun but it’s time for a change. Time to move on to the next phase of life.”
“Whew! That was a mouthful and a half,” said Sheila. “You know, we’re all sort of drifting. We’ve established careers, most of us have gotten married, we’ve all accomplished goals in our lives. But we’re all about the age for life to turn to a new phase. We all want children. The focus of our lives will change. Our meetings will suddenly be about how much they’ve grown, a video of the first step, the first full night’s sleep, all the little achievements our children will make. Faith, how come you don’t tell us more about Yukio?”
“I guess I didn’t want to stand out. If we all had kids we would all be talking about the same things. You guys talk about work, promotions, achievements, where you’ve gone, what you’ve done. I’m just a stay-at-home mom.”