“My dear Zoe, I’m so sorry,” Father Garrett whispered.
He hugged my shoulders and pulled me close. He rocked me and shushed me as the tears poured out of me. I leaned on him to keep from shaking as I struggled to breathe through the sobs. I hadn’t cried like that since I was a child.
“I’m sorry too, Father Garrett. I had no idea how much you suffered. I thought God hated me after my dad was killed. Why did God take him from my mom and me? Did I do something wrong?” I wept.
“Zoe, you did nothing wrong. Bad things happen to good people all the time. To live is to suffer. We wouldn’t know joy without suffering. Joy and pain exist together and give each other meaning. Some bad things we bring upon ourselves, but a lot of times, suffering is just part of life. I understand that now. Even in the depths of my misery, my family and friends loved me and took care of me. Even in my suffering, I was blessed. I’m thankful I learned that.”
I wiped my eyes and sniffled as I thought about his words. Living wasn’t miserable all the time. I was blessed with a wonderful mother and a wonderful college, and I had a new friend that understood my loss. I straightened up and took a deep breath. Father Garrett’s hand was on my shoulder as he searched my face, wondering if the sobbing was over.
“Thank you, Father Garrett. I needed to hear that.”
“You’re welcome, Zoe. Thanks for listening to my tale of woe. I’m always here if you need to talk.”
“Ditto,” I smiled. “I need to visit the restroom and wash my face. Then we can discuss my exam.”
Father Garrett nodded before I left the room. I hurried down the hall and into the girl’s restroom to check my makeup. What little mascara and lipstick I wore were smudged, making me look bedraggled. My big brown eyes were red from crying. My dark hair was messy and needed combing. I didn’t wear my hair long enough for the standard uniform braid like my classmates wore. I washed my face and quickly reapplied my favorite cosmetics. I kept the items in my tiny purse with my smartphone. Girls were allowed to wear light makeup and style their hair how they liked, but we weren’t allowed to cut it shorter than our jawline. Once I was presentable, I returned to the classroom to see how poorly I did on my exam.
Father Garrett was composed as I sat next to him again. He helped me understand how to answer the questions and allowed me to rewrite some of my exam answers, bringing my grade up to a healthy B. I returned to my desk by the back window as class started. I gazed into the meadow and smiled at the family of deer grazing in the wildflowers. When I looked at the front of the room again, Father Garrett had finished writing on the blackboard and was staring at the meadow too. I admired his handsome figure in the natural light. He was lean under his black robe. He wore it in the mornings when it was cold in the room. Otherwise, he wore a black button-down shirt with the distinctive white collar insert and black trousers. The black complemented his dark brown hair. He had attractive loose curls that shined in the sunlight. Even at a distance, his eyes seemed bright and inviting. My classmates were taking notes and didn’t notice when he glanced at me and smiled. He looked younger after our heart-to-heart. I smiled and blushed before I turned my attention back to my notes.
Chapter 2: Administrative Schemes
Wednesdays became my favorite school day after my chat with Father Garrett. I often greeted him in the hallways throughout the week, but Wednesday was the only day I could actually spend time with him. I would meet him outside of the teacher’s lounge so we could walk to the classroom together. I prepared questions about school work so I could sit with him behind his desk and talk. I didn’t do it every week. I didn’t want to annoy him. I never got the feeling that he was bothered by my presence. He always seemed delighted to see me. Sometimes our conversations would go completely off-topic, and we would discuss our favorite movies and rock bands.
Despite being a priest and a young widower, Father Garrett was down-to-earth and fun. I rarely saw him upset after we became friends. That all changed one particular Wednesday morning. He wasn’t retrieving coffee from the teacher’s lounge at seven-thirty when I arrived. I feared he was out sick, so I went to the classroom to see if there was an announcement on the blackboard. I found Father Garrett at his desk. He was scowling as he scribbled an angry letter to the college administrators. I knew it was important from the golden seal shining at the top of the paper. A cardboard box sat on the edge of his desk with “Private Administrative Matters” stamped in red on the side. It was stuffed full of little air-tight packages that looked important.
“What’s in the box, Father Garrett?”
“Something that ruined my morning,” he sighed. “Recent legislation has everyone on edge about reproductive rights, and Mother Ester wants these things discretely distributed to all the female students. They’re not supposed to be used without prescriptions. I don’t know how she got her hands on them. It’s a scandal in the making, and I don’t want to be a part of it.”
“Seriously? What are they?”
He laid his pen down and looked at me for a moment.
“Can you keep a secret that could get me fired?”
“Of course. You know me better than anyone.”
“Okay… it’s a box of vaginal rings. It’s a type of hormonal contraceptive. You place them close to your cervix, and they protect you from pregnancy for a month straight. Then you toss it and insert a new one.”
Blush rushed into my cheeks after that explanation. It wasn’t a conversation I had ever imagined having with a priest.
“Oh my God, why would Mother Ester want you to give those out?”
“She doesn’t trust our students to stay pure. I honestly can’t blame her. They are college students, after all. She doesn’t want them shaming us in the news after advertising our successful abstinence program. I told her this would encourage them to take risks, but Ester is ancient. You can’t reason with her anymore. I don’t want to be labeled a distributor if this scandal reaches the news. It would ruin me again. After shunning the church and marrying Abigail, the admins think they can push me around and use me as a scapegoat for their bad ideas.”
“This is hard to believe. Father Garrett, I can give the rings out if you want me to. If anyone asks, I’ll tell them Mother Ester put me up to it. My Women’s Club is really popular despite my awkwardness when teaching. My wilder members would love to get their hands on something like this.”
Father Garrett groaned and rubbed his eyes. He was a good man. I knew it pained him to push his responsibilities on someone else.
“I really hate to ask this of you, Zoe. I don’t want you to get in trouble.”
“It will be okay. We girls look out for each other. I’ll swear them to secrecy. Besides, I have plenty of dirt on them if they betray me.”
Father Garrett reluctantly agreed to let me do it, then he shoved the box of vaginal rings under his desk and forgot about them as we focused on the theology text that was hurting my grade.