Good girl. Very clear. My responsibility. Reinforcing who’s deciding now.
“I’d told him how all these things were the fulfilment of your desires and how he was taking away what you enjoyed. Then he sort of turned it around. Asked me how fired-up I got at denying you, being cruel to you — I’d told him about that, I know I wasn’t supposed to but he sort of gets everything out of me. So anyway, he started to ask me how intensified my feelings would become if I increased your suffering, took away what you love. I just kept coming and coming and coming. Harder and harder and harder. He was twisting it round you see. But I like the way he focusses on what I want. You never did. He’s clever. Intelligence is a turn on. And Thom’s intelligent.”
I imagined Neville imagining Fleur coming and coming and coming with me. A very pleasing image for me to contemplate.
“And then he twisted it further by asking how much worse it would be for you if you knew that he was making me do these things to you. I came so hard that time I think I fainted for a little while. Oh God – it was so strong.”
His imagination, I wondered. How strong is that?
“And a part of me knew you’d be so pleased at how deeply aroused I was with another man. As he told me how much he wants me to enjoy your suffering. So anyway, that’s what he wants. Ultimately.
“No touching. No kissing. No orgasms. No pleasure. Just service. You serving me. Me serving him. And the thought so turns me on, I think that is what is going to happen.”
The final scene. Of this play. My play. These words. My words, that she is about to speak to her husband. I think I’ve got them right.
“I know it’s not often I see my lovers two nights in a row. I know you were a little taken aback when I said earlier I’m seeing Thom again tonight. Especially as I only got back from his this morning. You’ll understand now though darling, how much I need to see Thom tonight. If only you knew how insanely turned on I am right now. Why I need to see him right now. Why I need him tonight. And part of me, the cruel part of me, wants you to be alone here whilst I am away this evening with my lover, as you reflect on where we are now, where you are going to be.”
Another rustle of silk, another fleeting caress of reassurance and love from her to him.
“What do you think, darling? Are you finally about to get what you’ve always truly desired, in the deepest darkest ways, in the furthest reaches of your mind to which you could never admit, Nev? A lot of ‘nevers’.”
A silence. For a moment I wondered what he was going to say. So, I suspected, did Fleur
“Yes Ma’am.” said Fleur’s husband. “And no. And yes. And no. And yes.” That honesty again. “Most of all I know that you are getting what you have truly and increasingly desired for some time. In your deepest, darkest ways. And that is what I have always truly desired for you. Ma’am.”
I reached for my glass, sipped and savoured the deep red wine nestling there. I knew in that moment I had indeed got it right. She’s mine. I’m hers.
“Perfect answer, Darling,” said Fleur. “Just as I had hoped. Just as Thom had suspected, hadn’t you, Darling?”