“Honestly, I would, if I knew it would make her come back. But Rain is not like that,” I took a sip of my tea.
“What did she say when she left?”
“Nothing. She moved out while I was in a seminar in Seattle. She left me a note.”
I handed Rain’s note to Daniel. He adjusted the glasses on his nose and read it slowly.
“I’ve been subjected to some lame breakup excuses, but this is a good one. She is not blaming you for anything you did. That must be a relief. It seems she had her own reasons for leaving, and they had nothing to do with you.”
“Which is exactly what you would say if you want to break up with someone without hurting his feelings.”
Daniel nodded, and rubbed his chin. “I can see your point, Rolf.”
“That’s why I need to talk with her and know her real reasons. Right now it’s a nightmare up here,” I pointed at my temple. “Nothing is worse than not getting closure. I can’t move on when I feel like I don’t know the real reason why things didn’t work out.”
Daniel nodded. “I think I can help you. Deputy Nick and I are good friends. His wife Lizzie works for the FBI. I am sure they can find her. Which is her name?”
“Rain.”
“And her last name?”
“Shit. I never asked her. She was always Rain for me.”
“I don’t want to scare you, Rolf, but Rain sounds like a made-up name.”
I ran my hand through my hair in despair.
“You’re right. I’m an idiot. I never thought about asking her.”
“Being in love makes you stupid. I am the living proof of that. Is there any information you can give me about her to narrow the search? Family? Friends?”
“She was an orphan and grew up in foster homes. The only friend of hers I knew, was an Austrian guy named Lukas. He was in town with her yesterday.” I shivered at the images playing in my head.
Daniel nodded and took notes. “I heard the rumors about it from Georgina. Look, it doesn’t look good, Rolf. Made-up name…. Being mysterious about her past… Never staying much in one place…”
I knew where Daniel was heading. “Rain is not a criminal running from the law, Daniel.”
“It doesn’t hurt to check, anyway. Do you have any pictures of her?”
I went through my phone’s gallery and found a couple of good ones. She was smiling at the camera. I showed them to Daniel and he nodded.
“That helps. Send them to my WhatsApp. I’ll have Nick run a check on them.”
“Give me her phone number, too. I’ll check on whose name her phone number is registered to.”
“Thank you, Dan. I owe you one.”
“I’ll put it on your tab, Rolf. You okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I hedged. “Or as fine as I can be, considering.”
He nodded and patted my shoulder.
Life wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Life sucked. Sometimes, for some people, life sucked in the worst possible way.
Rain obviously hadn’t learned that yet. Or had she?
I pondered the flickering shadows I had glimpsed in her eyes. She hid them well, quelled them quickly, but I’d seen them when we talked about family, when someone mentioned her short hair, which I didn’t truly understand. Rain did not seem to be a girl overly caught up in her appearance or attached to her hair.
In fact, there were never any hints that she was running from something, or that she was scared of something from her past. But she was. It was clear to me now.
I had a sense that whatever she was running from wasn’t very far behind her.
CHAPTER 10: RAIN
The expression on Doctor Jackson Brown’s face said it all. Now I was certain cancer had forced its way back into my life.
I sat back against the chair in his office, nervously touching my hair. I rubbed my nose, inhaling the scent of Rolf’s shampoo. I missed him. Wish he was here.
“I’m sorry, Lorraine.” His voice was low. I heard him take a deep breath as if he were struggling with what to say next. “Your lab work came back, Lorraine.” Doctor Brown’s eyes fixed on me then shifted to Lukas. “The white blood cell count is twenty-two thousand.”
Yep, my real name is Lorraine Williams. I always hated it.
“Please doctor, you know I prefer to be called Rain.
“I knew it! I knew it! Shit! My cancer is back!”
I can’t breathe. My chest stills, and I feel like I’m going to pass out.
I reached for the box of tissues on the end table and blew my nose. I stared blankly at my feet. Almost two years. That’s it. Nineteen measly months and twenty-nine fucking days of remission, and now it was back.
Doctor Brown was a lovely man, but he pulled no punches. After finishing eleven grueling months of treatment, he told me my cancer would probably come back.
I was hoping he would be wrong, but that hope was already shattered.
Somehow, even though the recurrence wasn’t anything I wasn’t expecting, it was still as jarring as the first time around. After everything that I went through, I had earned these months of normalcy. A time to build my body back up, to feel a sense of what my life was like before. Because I loved my life before. I still love my life now, it’s just… different.
I wasn’t sure if my body could handle another set of rounds of chemo. Could I mentally withstand the emotional turmoil that goes with it… again?
What seemed like hours passed before anyone spoke.
“What options do we have this time?” Lukas asked, his voice cracking.
That’s when the room came sharply back into focus.
I lifted my eyes to Dr. Brown. His gaze drifted to his desk. He removed his glasses and laid them on top of my file.
“Leukemia has come back and we need to treat you aggressively this time, more aggressively than we had before. Your best chance is a bone marrow transplant, you’re still on the transplant list, waiting for a match. In the meantime, we’ll use chemo.”
Lukas’ family was quite well off, and they’d spent thousands on treatments for me, even traveling the world searching for a compatible bone marrow donor to no avail.
I nodded, not knowing what to say. The lump in my throat made it hard to breathe. I’d heard this spiel before, but it didn’t get any easier. Sitting up higher in my seat, I put on my brave face.