“Well, I am happy for you, Rain. Did you tell him about–?”
“No!” I interrupted him. I didn’t even want to hear the word. “Of course, not! What would be the point? We are not even in a serious relationship…”
“Rain, you should hear yourself when you talk about this guy… I know firsthand the effect you have on males. I would bet my Dad’s fortune that he is hooked on you.”
Lukas was right, and I knew it, which meant it was time to move on. I couldn’t fall in love with someone, and I couldn’t let Rolf fall in love with me.
We had been together the whole summer. Together together. We had spent every night in his bed, filling the hours with amazing sex, laughter, and, most surprisingly, deep, peaceful sleep. He made me forget about all the bad things that had happened to me, and for that alone, I would love him forever.
We hadn’t discussed the nature of our relationship in any detail, but I didn’t care. I didn’t need a label. Rolf knew that my relationship with him was more than house sharing. However, whenever I tried to think about things on a deeper level, anxiety took over. The only way I could deal with my feelings was keeping things light and easy, and taking everything one day at a time.
Lukas’ voice brought me back to reality.
“Look, Rain, I have a couple of free days. Why don’t you tell me how to reach to your charming little town, so we meet and catch up?”
“That sounds great. I’ll send you the info. See you soon, Lukas!”
“It will be great to see you again and put some sense into that careless head of yours. Take care, please.”
I looked at the phone, checking how much time I had left before dinner. I enjoyed grocery shopping, as much as I enjoyed cooking.
I wanted to make it special because it was probably going to be one of our last ones.
***
Exactly two and a half hours later, Lukas showed up in Middletown square driving a luxury car that would attract everyone’s attention. Great!
I was pretty sure every person in town was watching us and wondering who this man was.
“Hello, Rain, it’s so good to see you again. Small-town life suits you. You look great,” he said effusively, kissing my cheek. “Can I park the car here?”
“Yes, and you can leave it unlocked. Nobody will bother it.”
Lukas nodded, but pressed the alarm button anyway.
“I am glad you made it to the countryside. I thought you were a big-city kind of guy.”
He looked around. “It looks like a nice, clean town. I understand why you like it here. Is your boyfriend joining us?”
“No. We are just friends, Lukas. That’s all we’ve ever been. All we’re ever going to be. Friends. You know why.”
Lukas shook his head. “You keep saying that to yourself, and eventually you’ll believe it.”
“He is in Seattle for a seminar. It’s better this way. He can be a bit… possessive. Come, there is a delightful restaurant here. The food is amazing. We can catch up there.”
I took a look around. I could see people pointing at us and whispering already. People in Middletown were always ready for gossip.
We crossed Main Square to The Jammed. I couldn’t help but feel guilty. And I hated it.
***
“You need to get tested, Rain. Stop stalling it.”
“I know you’re right, but I am scared. What if I test positive again?”
“Then we’ll deal with it like we did the last time. They decided to name the west wing of The West Coast Medical Center of Hope in Phoenix to recognize my family contributions. Our last donation was five million after you were released.”
“Lukas, you shouldn’t have.”
“It’s just money, meine liebe. I couldn’t let you die. You took Mom out of her depression and helped Dad to realize he was wasting his life and his health in the family business. You have a way with people, and you know it. My parents will take me out of their wills if I don’t help you in any way I can. Besides, what’s all the money worth if I can’t help a friend in need?”
I placed my hand on his cheek.
“You’re sweet, Lukas. I can’t thank you enough for everything you and your family have done for me.”
Lukas paid the check, I looked at my phone, it was 6:30, and I needed to get back to Rolf’s place, so I could make him the special dinner I had planned before telling him about Lukas. It would be better if he knew about him from me.
“Lukas, it’s been really fun. But I have to go. I have some cooking to do,” I said, as I motioned to the groceries at my feet.
“No problem, let me help you with that,” he said as he picked up my grocery bag.
I didn’t mind since I honestly enjoyed his company.
We chatted pleasantly during the walk to Rolf’s place. When we arrived, Lukas turned to me, and said, with a bit of embarrassment, “Do you mind if I come up and use the restroom?”
I hesitated; it wasn’t my place, after all. But after taking one look at Lukas’ pained face, I said, “Of course, come on in.”
Lukas grabbed the groceries and followed me inside.
“The bathroom is in the hallway to the left.” I pointed him in the right direction.
He gave me a grateful nod and walked swiftly towards the hallway.
I turned on the radio and swayed from side to side to the upbeat tones of classical music. I had loved classical music all my life. One of my foster parents introduced me to it through recordings and radio broadcasts when I was a little girl. I hummed the melody as I walked to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine, ready to start cooking.
I was planning to make Rolf one of his favorite dishes– salmon with mango salsa and rice pilaf. I loved the fusion of flavors.
I put the salmon to bake in the oven and started boiling some water for rice pilaf as I began peeling the mangos for the salsa.
Lukas entered the kitchen and whistled. “Wow, look at you. You look like you know what you’re doing.”
I laughed and said. “Would you like a glass of something?” Although, I secretly hoped he would decline. Rolf would be returning in an hour, and I wanted to light some candles and create a romantic environment for him to come home to.
“Sure, anything, whatever you’re having.”
I pursed my lips as I poured him a glass of wine.
We chatted while I cooked dinner. I had forgotten how fun it was to spend time with Lukas. He kept me in stitches with stories about his travels and his family.
After forty minutes, the mango salsa was ready, the pilaf had been fluffed, and the salmon was resting in the oven.
“Come on, it’s a waltz,” Lukas said, noticing the music on the radio as he grabbed me and pulled me into the living room for an impromptu dance.
“I need to do a few things so…”
“Come on, Rain. Just one dance. For old times,” he said, as he spun me under his arm, pulling me into his expert dance frame.
I giggled, the combination of wine and spinning making me giddy, erasing any reservations I had wanted to express.
“Maybe just one dance.”
I laughed up a storm as my body took over, moving to the rhythm of the music in an almost meditative trance. Lukas was an amazing partner; he could dance to any song that came on.
I closed my eyes, focusing on his hand on my back as we swayed elegantly from side to side.
“It’s like you are a stalk of grass swaying in the wind. You don’t notice when it stops moving right and starts changing direction, it just flows fluidly with the wind.”