* * *
My mother had given me advice the day before the wedding. She said it was a long tradition and I would do the same for my daughter one day. She had held my hands and spoke to me as one wife to her daughter bride. She passed on to me the secrets of a happy marriage that the priest had never mentioned during our marriage preparation classes at the church. She spoke openly of things I would need to learn to do. And often, she had said. And willingly. Her attention to detail was unnerving to me but I listened to everything. Some things she said were frightening, sounding foul, but my mother laughed and told me to wait and see.
“Your father loves me just as much as the day we married, Emma,” she said, holding my hands and looking into my eyes. “Every day I let him know I need him and want him. To be intimate with him and he does the same for me. Marriages fail when that stops. There will be times you don’t feel the need or desire. You must fight that. Embrace him. Kiss him. Fondle him. Whisper in his ear that he is your everything and his will is yours to fulfil. Do you understand?”
I nodded, biting my lip. I think I understood. My mother laughed at my expression.
“Wake him with your mouth in the morning. Not every day. But some days or it will become routine. Pleasure him. Take his seed inside you. Swallow his love. It can be daunting. You’ll get used to it. He is your man, and his seed will be yours. Claim it. Only you can receive it through your marriage. Don’t make him regret choosing you over all others.
“And seek your own pleasure. You should never regret choosing him. He should willingly pleasure you with his mouth. Accept it and bask in it. It is your husband claiming what is his by marriage. Your womanhood will pleasure him. So trim down there, okay? Did your bridesmaid take you to the salon?”
I nodded, feeling heat rush to my face. I had been waxed. It had hurt so badly, but I had found pleasure in it in a small way which frightened me. I nodded at my mother.
“Good. And all the way between your legs?”
I nodded again, feeling more heat.
“Do you know what sodomy is?”
I nodded feeling horror.
“My priest told me before I was married that sodomy is a sin between men,” said my mother, looking hard at me.
“Yes, mamma.”
“And he added it does not concern marital relations between man and wife.”
“Mamma!” I said in shock. I thought of her and dad. “Did you and poppa…?”
“Oh, yes, Emma. Otherwise, you would have a lot more siblings rather than just you.”
“What?”
“You’ll need to watch your cycle. Avoid pregnancies. Anal sex is the best way to do that when you are ovulating.”
I stared at my mother. Questions raced through my thoughts faster than I could fully formulate and finish them.
“I enjoy it, Emma. Pleasuring your father gives me pleasure. Be patient. Try it for yourself. Push past the initial pain and I think you will be surprised. Do this for your husband. For you.”
I couldn’t speak.
“Throughout your marriage your husband should want to take you all the time, correct?”
“Y-yes.”
“Invite him to take you. Place yourself at his mercy. Let him claim that which is his by marriage.”
“Mamma!”
“And take him when you want, Emma. You are equals in this, despite what the scriptures say. This is a partnership. If you lust after him, take him. If he lusts after you, give yourself to him. Do this, this simple thing, and your marriage will be full of such love and last for eternity. You will join yourselves in heaven and find such blessings. I’m so happy for you, Emma. Daniel is a beautiful man. Your children will be beautiful.”
“Thank you, mamma.”
“One more thing. Are you still intact?”
I knew what she meant. My hymen had been lost as a teenager doing simple girlish things. Mine opened riding my bike. I shook my head at my mother. “No, mamma.”
“And I know you are a virgin. I am so proud of you, Emma. I saw how hard it was for you throughout college. Tomorrow night, you give him your everything. What you do with your husband in your bed, will please God. Everything your heart desires. Put your soul into it, Emma. Seize your pleasure and his, okay?”
“Mamma? Did nonna give you this same advice?”
“No. I had to learn the hard way. I promised myself I would not let my own daughter go into her marriage bed unprepared. We have more to discuss. Are you okay with all this?”
“Yes, momma. I’m uncomfortable, but thankful.”
“Okay, we still have a lot to cover. Like how to truly pleasure your husband with your mouth. Places on his body you need to explore…”
“Explore? Like what?”
Mother chuckled. “I’m warming up to this now. Your father has always had the best sex with me. It’s okay Emma! You came from our love! Now, the penis is a strange thing at first. Daniel is likely very large. But a man’s pleasure also comes from his nipples, and his scrotum and testicles. Play with them. Lightly! So very lightly! And below them. Pay attention there. And below that, too. Do you understand where I am talking about?”
She meant his asshole. I was horrified.
“Make sure he is clean. You, too. Take the time to keep yourself fresh down there. Inside a man is a place. You’ll need to find it. Put a finger inside, find it, rub it.”
“Momma!”
“Hush, you have much the same place inside you. Teach him to find it. Your bodies will be one, once married. There is no shame. It is the beauty of sex between a married couple. Seek your pleasure and give your pleasure. There is so much on the Internet. Watch with him. Learn together.”
“Yes, momma. Do you do all these things with poppa?”
“Oh, God, yes. We’re older now and we have slowed down. But yes. We still do. I adore your father and his body. Have you ever seen us fight? Not speak to one another?”
“No, momma.” And it was true. The love between my parents was there for all to see. They constantly hugged and kissed. I’ve seen them mildly grope each other. I’ve heard them through the bedroom walls. I only could pray my marriage would be as close to the beauty of theirs. With my mother’s advice I think I now knew how. If I could be brave enough.
“And now the more mundane things. You and Daniel will be equal in all things. You are not some toy or trophy the bible would have you believe. The bible was written by some seriously misogynistic men…”
* * *
My memory of that first night with Daniel is seared into my soul. I subjected myself to my husband. My heart soared. My soul sang. I praised God.
I stood fully naked before my husband, and he stood naked before me. I am a beautiful woman. Many men have lusted after me. But I was only for my husband, and I stood proudly before him, exposed so willingly for the first time to his gaze. I watched his eyes devour me. He stared into my brown eyes first and I’m sure he saw the same lust as I saw in his. His gaze slowly drifted down and lingered on my breasts. My nipples were tight and painful, lifting to the sky. I saw him lick his lips and delight filled me. So far, he did not look disappointed. His eyes roamed over my flat stomach and then lower.
He stared long and hard at my perfectly waxed pussy. I had left a small, heart-shaped, tuft of my fur on my mound. My wetness trickled down my thigh and it tickled. I saw him lick his lips with his hunger and it thrilled me. I felt exposed. Wanton. But I was married, and this was my husband. A smile crossed my lips.