The Lonely Girl Pt. 02

An adult stories – The Lonely Girl Pt. 02 by magnetarhanggliding,magnetarhanggliding Welcome to Part Two of The Lonely Girl.

Many people commented after Part One that I should ‘finish the damn story.’ I provided an epilogue to summarize where I envisioned Claire and Kyle’s journey ending up. Many folks provided feedback that this was not enough, which I completely understand.

The Lonely Girl was my first story here and I put a lot of emotion into it. The bullying that is described throughout the tale really happened. I either witnessed or have direct knowledge of the real-life versions of the incidents described. Thankfully I never partook in anything described, as it is all horrible.

After the emotionally draining journey, I felt the journey back would not have the same punch, so I was content to leave the story where it was. Then I reread The Lonely Girl and realized how much I loved the characters. I also realized that a journey to redemption would be long and emotional as well. I have decided to tell it here.

The Lonely Girl – Pt 2

Kyle stared at the steam swirling off the freshly poured cup of tea in front of him. He never drank tea, but given the circumstances, he wasn’t going to decline the offer. Claire sat across from him, staring at her own cup. Neither was sure who should start the conversation.

Given everything she had gone through, Kyle finally resolved that he should be the one to start… the question was where.

“I’m truly sorry Claire… while I didn’t have anything to do with it, I’m still sorry about what you went through.”

He paused and took a sip of his tea. Still too hot.

“I also understand now why you reacted the way you did.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Her voice was barely a whisper. She was sorry – sorry things had turned out the way they had. She wasn’t sure if she was sorry about trying to push him away though. Her mind was still coming to grips with the news that he hadn’t orchestrated the whole thing. When you’ve believed something to be true for years, it’s not a switch that can be turned off.

“I’m also sorry about your parents. I didn’t find out about that until about a week ago.”

“Thank you.”

Kyle looked at the frail girl that sat across from him. Head down, face mostly covered by her hair. It made him think of another frail girl… he pushed it away. This wasn’t Charlie in front of him and Claire didn’t need pity. What did she need? There was too much emotion swirling in his mind at that moment to figure it out.

“So do you live here by yourself now?”

“Yes.”

Kyle wanted to ask, but felt he knew the answer… there really was no one else in her life. She was alone. His heart broke even more… he felt the tears wanting to form. He pushed them down. It wouldn’t help. Better to keep the conversation moving.

“When I dropped the groceries off the other day, I saw a fenced-in area in the back of the house. Is that a garden?”

“Yes.”

“Would you show it to me?”

Claire looked up at him. Her face was still partially hidden, but he could see the sadness in her eyes. He also realized that he still found her beautiful.

“You want to see my garden?”

“Please, if you don’t mind.”

“Umm, ok.”

Claire hesitantly rose, as did Kyle. He took a step back, knowing his size could be intimidating. He wanted her to be comfortable. This was her space after all.

Claire took a step, then another, as if still deciding on her path. She then headed for the mudroom, put on her boots and grabbed her gloves and tools. Kyle was perplexed by this. Reflecting on it later, he realized this was part of her routine when going out to her garden.

They walked across the grass and Kyle followed her through the garden gate. It was easy to tell that Claire spent a lot of time here. All the rows were perfectly symmetrical. Little mounds, perfectly formed, where she had started planting.

Claire stood just inside the gate, realizing she wasn’t sure what to do. She had all her tools to tend to it, but would Kyle just watch her? Kyle sensed her unease and started asking her questions about what she had planted so far. Kyle kept the conversation going by asking additional questions about when things were planted, how she started the garden and what her future plans were for it.

He realized it wasn’t a conversation. Her answers were short. She didn’t expand on things. It was up to Kyle to keep asking questions to keep things moving forward.

It hit him then. She didn’t talk to people. Not like he did at least. He wondered how many interactions she had outside of a cashier at the grocery store. His heart broke a little more.

“Claire.”

She turned and looked at him. A blank expression on her face.

“Do you still have the pasta I brought by the other day?”

“Yes.”

“Can I cook for you?”

A perplexed look crossed her face… and then he saw the emotion reenter her eyes. He remembered how beautiful he thought those eyes were so many years ago in calculus class.

“You want to cook for me?”

“If you wouldn’t mind… I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

Claire wasn’t sure how she felt. This was the most interaction she had with someone since her parents died… and that interaction was with lawyers. She thought about it briefly. Kyle had been respectful since he got here. She couldn’t think of a reason not to let him cook for her, but she also didn’t understand why he wanted to. She realized she was ambivalent about it. Her budding feelings for Kyle, the hope she had once felt were so long ago, so long forgotten they didn’t enter the equation. Still, she couldn’t think of a good reason not to let him.

“I’m not uncomfortable; you can cook if you’d like.”

They headed back into the house. It was then that Kyle noticed it looked like Claire had already started prepping a salad.

“Do you want to keep prepping your salad? We can have that first while I make the pasta.”

“Ok.”

Claire went about making the salad, seemingly oblivious to Kyle searching through her cabinets for a pot for the pasta water. Kyle thought it curious at first. It didn’t take him long to realize though that it made sense. She probably never had company. She had been doing this by herself for years now. That was fine; he would figure out where everything was.

Kyle finally found a pot and was happy to see that it was made for pasta with a removable colander. He filled it with water and eventually found the salt, which he added generously to the water and put it on to boil.

He then dug into the fridge for the pasta. After a little more digging and he found some heavy cream and parmesan cheese. Good, he could make a basic cream sauce. She’d already had his family’s red sauce recipe, so now he could make something different for her.

There were some shallots on the counter which made him smile. He grabbed one and finely diced it. He found a sauté pan and put a small amount of butter in it, let it melt a bit and then put the shallots in. He added the fresh pasta to the now boiling water. He then added some cream to the sauté pan, slowly mixing the tiny pieces of shallot into the cream.

Kyle glanced at Claire. She was busy chopping up walnuts. Head down, hair covering her face. He worried momentarily about her cutting herself because she couldn’t see what she was doing. He pushed that thought away. She’d been doing this alone for ages.

Kyle turned off the heat and removed the colander from the pot. He poured the water into the sink, reserving a bit for the sauce. He put the pasta back into the pot and added a tiny bit of olive oil to keep it from sticking. He added some of the parmesan to the sauce and kept stirring it. Satisfied once it started to thicken, he added some of the pasta water and continued to stir. He took a bite of the pasta… still a little under done. Good.

Kyle added the pasta to the sauce and continued stirring it together. He turned the heat off and looked over to where Claire had been working. The salad was finished and mixed in a bowl. Claire stood there just watching him. When he looked over, she lowered her head. He felt another stab in his heart. He wanted to say something, to tell her it was ok for them to look at each other, but he didn’t want to push her either.

“Should we have the salad first?”

“Ok.”

Claire walked over to a cabinet, grabbed a bowl and started walking back. She paused, turned again and went back to get another bowl. She grabbed two forks from the silverware drawer and put everything down, heading to the fridge and getting some dressing. She served the salad and they ate quietly in the nook.

“This is really good Claire, where’d you get the recipe?”

“It was my momma’s recipe.”

Shit. Kyle felt bad, but realized it was unavoidable. He had no way of knowing what topics would remind her of her parents.

“Well, your momma was a good cook.”

Claire just nodded. Head still down, hair covering most of her face.

Kyle finished his salad.

“Would you like me to serve some of the pasta?”

Claire looked up at him for the briefest of moments. “Yes, please.”

He got up and took his bowl over the sink. Claire had only eaten a few bites of her salad, so he left her bowl with her.

He turned the heat back on and quickly stirred the pasta and sauce a bit – just a moment to put some heat back in. Then he turned it off and went to the cabinet from which Claire had grabbed the salad bowls. He found larger bowls which were perfect for the pasta. He would have liked to add some herbs on top of the pasta, but he didn’t want to put Claire out if she didn’t have any. He grabbed two more forks and placed the bowl in front of Claire.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Claire.” He said it softly while looking down at her. The kind way in which the words were delivered caused Claire to look up at him.

She still couldn’t see him. Not really. She couldn’t see the emotion displayed on his face. The shell she had built around her was hard. She hadn’t had her parents to interact with, to pull her out of her shell occasionally… to love her. Without them there was no one, so deeper and deeper she went.

Kyle could tell something wasn’t right. There was no emotion on her face. No recognition that he was trying to connect with her. He smiled and sat down across from her again.

He wanted to speak. To pull out the Claire he had started to get to know in high school, but he was at a loss for what to say. They ate silently. Kyle finished his pasta, noticing that Claire had barely made a dent in the small portion he had given her.

“Claire, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it. I won’t feel bad… it’s admittedly very rich. That’s why I use so little sauce.”

“No, it’s actually really good. Thank you.”

“You’ve just eaten so little tonight.”

“Sorry, I’m just not very hungry.”

“Ok, I understand.”

He did understand. He had traumatized her earlier. Not on purpose of course. She also wasn’t used to company.

“I’m going to help clean up, Claire, and then I’ll let you be.”

“It’s ok, I’ll clean up.”

“Oh, ok.”

This wasn’t going well, but Kyle couldn’t leave it be.

“Claire.” He paused, waiting to get her attention. She had her back to him while she piled up dishes. She turned to face him, head still down though.

“Claire.” He said more softly. She raised her head and looked up at him. He took a small step toward her and looked down into her brown eyes. Still emotionless.

“Can I come see you again?”

She lowered her head again. “Why?”

Kyle took another step forward and got down on one knee, looking up at her. She finally met his gaze.

“Because I liked the person I was getting to know in high school before that awful thing happened to her. I’d like to try and get to know her again.”

Her eyes lowered again. “Ok.”

He wanted to hug her again. But the emotion was gone from earlier.

Kyle fished his cell phone out of his pocket, touched the screen a few times and held it out for Claire.

“Can you put your number in?”

Claire took the phone. If it wasn’t for some online shopping sites needing a phone number to place an order, she probably wouldn’t have remembered hers. She entered the numbers and handed the phone back to Kyle.

“I’ll let myself out, goodnight, Claire.”

She didn’t move. “Goodnight.”

Kyle drove home on autopilot, his mind consumed by what he had just witnessed. It was the most heartbreaking thing he had encountered since seeing his sister after her attack. He had never seen someone so thoroughly broken.

No. She wasn’t broken. Claire was in there somewhere.

*****

Kyle lay on his bed atop the covers, staring at the ceiling. Why did he care so much? Claire wasn’t anything to him. He knew it went back to Charlie and that concerned him. Everyone has witnessed, experienced or at least heard of a tale of someone trying to ‘fix’ someone else and the wreckage that ensued. He thought about the smile he had seen in calculus. The beauty and kindness in that smile, and those eyes. That person was still there. He just had to convince her it was safe for her to come out.

Kyle headed downstairs the next morning. His mother was already up, drinking a cup of coffee, looking at her laptop. Kyle poured himself a cup and sat down at the table with her.

“Good morning, Sweetie.”

“Morning, Mom.”

“Want to tell me what’s going on,” she asked just as she took a sip of her coffee, raising her eyebrows as she did.

He briefly thought about pleading ignorance, but there was no reason his mother shouldn’t know.

“You remember when I was suspended in high school for hitting that kid?”

“Of course.”

“He was bullying a girl.”

“I remember, what was her name again?”

“Claire,” he stated as he looked down into his cup.

“Claire, that’s right.”

“I saw her the other day.”

“Oh, how is she?”

“Not well.”

Kyle went on to detail what Claire had gone through, what he knew anyway. John and Jen had told him some of the stories. He told of the years of bullying. The triumvirate of mean girls and their attack on Claire at the lake.

Kyle’s mother was, of course, horrified. Having seen what it had done to their family, she would not wish bullying on anyway. What had happened to Claire seemed to go way past that though. It was no wonder she was ‘not well,’ as Kyle had put it.

Kyle finished his story by telling her about their interaction at her house last night. How she no longer seemed like a person, more like a robot. Going about daily tasks she was programmed to do. There were flashes of emotion of course, like when she had first opened the door to him, but for most of the night, it was just the robot.

“Kyle, hon, you know how I feel about bullying, especially when it happens to young women… but what is it you’re hoping to accomplish here?”

Kyle looked at her quizzically. What did she mean?

“I mean, it doesn’t sound like she’s being bullied anymore.”

“No, I guess not.”

“Not that it’s your job to protect her, even if she was.”

“I know that.”

She could tell her line of questioning was having an effect on him, noticing him stiffen slightly at her last statement.

“Kyle, all I’m saying is that while what happened to this girl is devastating, you are my number one priority… and I’m not sure you can fix what’s wrong here.”

She paused to give him a sad smile.

“I’m concerned what it will do to you if she doesn’t come out of her shell. Charlie was enough trauma for several lifetimes.”

“I know, mom. I’ve thought about it. Everyone says you can’t fix people. I got a glimpse of the real person inside a few times. I don’t want to fix her. I want to set her free.”

She could tell he was set on this path. She would no longer try and dissuade him, only support him. He had been a better big brother to Charlie than anyone could have asked. He had a kind heart and soul. If anyone could do it, it was Kyle.

“Ok, honey… I understand… want some breakfast?”

“Why don’t we try the new bagel shop?”

“Ok! Let me go get changed.”

*****

Kyle had the outcome set now. It was the journey to achieve that outcome that concerned him. He had no idea what to do.

Problem solving is half art, half science. Kyle was lucky enough to have some good professors in college that each gave different insights to processes one can use. First was to identify the problem or problems. In Kyle’s view, the first issue was that she was alone, and had gotten too used to it. From the stories he heard, it seemed like she never had any friends. The only people she could ever fully count on where her parents, and they were gone now.

Claire needed a friend; one she could count on.

*****

Sleep was hard for Claire again. Kyle had told a story of his sister. It was heartbreaking. He also said he didn’t know what had happened at the lake. Part of her wanted to believe him. She still remembered how kind he was to her. He had been the only one. It was just another reason to doubt him. Why would he be the only person? More likely that he was in on it.

Her emotions were at war with her mind. Her emotions wanted her to believe him. Claire was not stupid. She knew she was not worldly, and that it would be easy for someone like him to manipulate her. How could she be sure? But who would make up a story like that about their sister? He had cried about it, too.

She wondered, if it had happened, when did it happen? It had to be before he came to their school, right? So where did it happen? Where did Kyle live before he came here?

Claire got out of bed. She wasn’t sleeping anytime soon anyway. She grabbed her laptop and sat up in bed. She did some Googling on suicide due to bullying. Too many articles. She tried searching for incidents in her state, thinking maybe they hadn’t moved far. She found an article in a local paper about a young girl that had committed suicide after being bullied and attacked. Her name was Charlotte Scott.

Kyle had mentioned his sister Charlie. Was Charlie short for Charlotte? It seemed plausible. She read the story in full. The details matched what Kyle had described. He was telling the truth… at least about his sister. Claire thought longer about it. No one that had gone through something like that would then set someone else up to be bullied, would they? She didn’t think so.

She put her laptop back and was finally able to go to sleep.

*****

Claire wanted to tend to her garden, but she also wanted to think more about what happened with Kyle. The next morning, she headed out to her spot. She didn’t bring a book, knowing it wouldn’t be opened.

She looked around the pond, not really seeing the features anymore. She had come to this spot so many times, there was no longer any newness to the details. She used to come here to relish the solitude it gave. None of her tormentors in school could get to her here. It was her haven. Now? Now she seemed to wallow in her solitude. It was no longer comforting. But how to escape it? She thought of Kyle.

Kyle had most likely been telling the truth. Did that change things for her? The only thing it seemed to change was that she hopefully would not have another panic attack if she bumped into him unexpectedly. Did this mean she didn’t have to give up her morning shopping routine? If so, it would be a relief. She would have to think on it a bit more.

Kyle had also said he wanted to get to know her again. She remembered how much she wanted that back in high school. Now she wasn’t sure. She had her routine, and it was comfortable. But was that what she wanted? To be comfortably alone? It suddenly no longer felt comfortable.

Claire remembered the hope she felt as well. How good it felt… and how awful it felt when it was ripped away from her. It was only equaled by her parent’s death. She never wanted to go through that again. It was simple then. She would decline if he called. She would stick with her routine.

Just the thought caused a pang in her heart.

She couldn’t come up with a path that was satisfying. The safer option just made her heart ache more. The other option opened her up to the possibility of more pain.

She cleared her mind and just enjoyed her spot for the rest of the morning, thinking of good memories of her parents.

She rose and headed back to the house. Working in the garden would keep her mind occupied.

She went back into the house to have a snack and a glass of water. While she was eating a granola bar she looked over at the counter. Her phone was there on the charger. She never checked it. No one called her. She often forgot to take it when she went out for groceries, which probably wasn’t too smart if she had a breakdown. She never took it with her to her spot.

Why did she want to check it now? He surely wouldn’t have called already, would he?

She walked over to the counter and picked the phone up. The screen came to life. One voicemail. Her heart leapt. Why did it do that? Maybe it wasn’t him. Now she was being ridiculous, and she knew it.

She unlocked the phone and tapped the voicemail icon. It was him. He asked how she was, what she was doing and if she’d like to hang out today.

She listened to it again.

… and again.

… and one more time, just to make sure.

Claire just stared at the phone as if a message would pop up and tell her what she should do.

Of course, she knew what she would do… it was just gathering up the courage to do so. She took a deep breath and tapped the entry for the missed call from Kyle. It rang twice before Kyle picked up.

“Hi Claire, how is your Sunday so far?”

“Umm… hi, Kyle… umm, it’s good.”

“I wanted to see what your plans are for today?”

Should she say she didn’t have plans? What if she told the truth and he assumed she didn’t want to see him? So many thoughts swirled in an instant, but Claire decided honesty was best.

“Oh, umm, I was going to work in my garden.”

“Really? That’s great! Mind if I come help?”

What? He wanted to come help her in her garden?

“Umm, sure, if you want.”

“Ok, great. When were you planning on starting?”

“I was about to head out there in a few minutes.”

“So is it ok if I head over now?”

“Sure.”

“Ok, see you in a bit! Bye Claire!”

“Bye.”

More staring at her phone.

Finally, she pulled herself out of the stupor she had been in and went to the mudroom to put on her boots.

*****

Kyle drove down 513 with some trepidation. He didn’t want to do more harm than good when it came to Claire, but the thought of her on that homestead all alone broke his heart. His other concern was trying to get her to come out of her shell too quickly and scaring her. Hence, he decided to keep it simple and try and do some things with her on her terms. Helping with her garden seemed perfect. They didn’t necessarily have to talk if she didn’t want to, and she would also still be in her safe space.

Kyle had noticed how overgrown most of the yard was. He assumed she never had anyone tend to it. He threw a weed-whacker and some other lawn maintenance items in the back of his truck, hoping they would come in handy.

He pulled into the drive and parked next to Claire’s car. He grabbed his gloves and hopped out of the truck. As he rounded the back of the truck, he saw Claire walking down from the garden. Kyle waved to her as he opened the tailgate.

He pulled the weed-whacker toward the tailgate and checked to see how much gas it had in it. He noticed Claire had walked up to the driveway, but still stood a fair bit away from him and his truck. He grabbed a rag from the milkcrate in the back and wiped his hands.

He looked over to where Claire stood and smiled. He wanted to take a chance. He didn’t want to push her, but Kyle felt he needed to start somewhere. He walked over to Claire, her eyes growing larger in the last instant, realizing he wasn’t stopping. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a hug. He didn’t want to overdo it, but he did wait long enough for her to finally reciprocate. She lifted her arms and hugged him back.

He released her, backed up and smiled again. This time the smile was returned, and, for a moment, he saw emotion in those deep brown eyes.

“Hi.”

“Hello.”

“So what are you doing in the garden today?”

“Oh, I have some things to plant.”

“Ok, well I hope I’m not overstepping, but I thought maybe while you do that, I would clean up around the fence?”

“Sure, that would be great.”

“Ok, just going to grab my stuff and I’ll get started.”

“Ok.”

Kyle went back to his truck. He noticed Claire watching him for a bit before she finally turned and headed back toward the garden.

Except for Claire asking if Kyle wanted some water, and Kyle accepting, they didn’t speak for several hours. Kyle started at the fencing around the garden and cut the growth down. He then went to work on fixing some spots of fencing that looked like critters were trying to get through. After that he expanded outward. The growth was too high to take down with a mower, so he used the weed-whacker to cut it down to size.

Claire, for her part, spent the time planting the rest of the vegetables, plants and flowers she had bought for the garden this year. She finished softly packing the dirt around the base of a flower she was planting. She took off a glove and scratched her nose as she sat back on her knees. She was so lost in what she was doing, that she almost forgot Kyle was there. Yes, of course she could hear the weed-whacker going nonstop, but even that eventually became background noise to her.

She looked up and saw Kyle, his back half-facing her as he twisted back and forth, trimming the growth. She stared for a moment, noticing that she felt something. What was it? Another pang in her heart, stronger this time, and not fading away quickly like the other times. She continued to stare, not sure if she enjoyed the feeling or not. Should she be scared of it? Kyle then turned more toward her to trim some more growth. Claire looked down and fumbled for another flower to plant.

Claire finished her planting and Kyle had knocked down a good portion of the overgrowth. Claire got up and took her gardening gloves off. She grabbed the now empty trays that the flowers, plants and vegetables had been in and headed through the gate, back toward the house. Kyle was gathering up his tools and she noticed he was sweating.

“Would you like some more water?”

Kyle smiled at her, “Please!”

Claire headed into the mudroom and then the garage, depositing the trays in the garbage there. She then headed into the house to grab Kyle some more water.

Back outside, she handed the glass to him, and he downed it in one go.

“Thanks!”

“You’re welcome.”

“Claire, I could bring my mower up next weekend and even this out nicely if that would be ok with you?”

Next weekend? That long?

“Umm, sure. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me, I enjoy doing it.”

Kyle proceeded to clean up his things and pack them back in the truck. Claire just stood and silently watched him. He lifted the tailgate up and closed it with a clang. He walked over to where Claire stood.

“Thank you for letting me spend the day with you.”

Before she could think of a response, he wrapped her in a hug. She returned it much faster this time. Again, a pang in her heart. Just as she started to realize she was enjoying the feeling, he let her go and stepped back.

“Ok if I call you during the week?”

“Oh, uh yes, of course.”

Kyle smiled and added, “It’s ok if you call me too, you know.”

She lowered her head, “Ok.”

Kyle got into his truck, backed up, and headed down her drive.

Another pang.

*****

Reflecting on how the afternoon went, Kyle was cautiously optimistic. He also thought that it was going to take a while. He didn’t know Claire well, but thought he saw subtle tells of her starting to emerge. Through his sunglasses, he noticed her occasionally staring at him when she thought he wouldn’t notice. It was her eyes though that were the biggest tell. It was almost eerie how the emotion in them could come and go.

Kyle also questioned himself. He enjoyed his time with Claire, which didn’t make sense. They barely spoke. She did her thing, and he did his. Why did he find it so enjoyable then? He couldn’t figure it out, finally deciding to just be happy with it. He looked forward to seeing what came next.

*****

Claire’s evening went by in a flash. So many emotions swirling, feelings she couldn’t comprehend. It would only be years later that Claire would realize that loneliness and sadness were her constant. That was her normal. These new feelings: hope, happiness, contentment, excitement, anticipation and others were foreign.

Her sleep that night was fitful. This time, she didn’t mind. Usually when she had trouble sleeping it was due to revisiting past horrors. Now it was invaded by the new feelings that enveloped her.

She did not hear from Kyle on Monday. On Tuesday morning she went on her trip to the market. She realized on the way home that she was disappointed that she did not see Kyle there. It was silly of course; she had been going on Tuesday mornings for years and had only seen him that one time.

It was early afternoon. Claire was eating a little salad when her phone rang, the sound making her jump. She normally left the ringer off. She found herself turning it back on – for the first time in as long as she could remember – Sunday after Kyle left.

Claire picked it up and answered it.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Claire.”

“Hi, Kyle.”

“I hope I’m not disturbing you.”

“No, why would you think that?”

“Well, I didn’t know if you were at work or something.”

“Oh, no. Not at work.”

“Ok, well I wanted to see if you were free tomorrow night?”

“Umm, yes. I’m free.”

“Great, I wanted to see if I could come over and cook dinner for you again?”

“Sure, I’d like that.”

“Ok, I won’t be off work until after six, so ok if I come over around seven? It will be a later dinner; hope that will be ok.”

“Yes, that’s ok.”

“Ok, is there anything you don’t like to eat?”

“Not that I can think of.”

“Great, I’ll see you around seven then.”

“Ok, see you then.”

“Bye, Claire.”

“Goodbye.”

Claire realized that there was a smile on her face as she hung up the phone.

*****

Kyle felt the conversations were stilted, but to be expected due to her lack of interaction with people. But she hadn’t said no, hadn’t said she’d rather he not come over. He knew he was overthinking things. Relax and just go with your gut, things will work out, he told himself.

He picked up some salmon, asparagus and a packaged rice pilaf from the market after work that day. Something easy and quick to make. When he was home that evening, he packed up some spices as well.

His mother asked how it was going. He told her the truth. That he wasn’t sure. That he saw little glimmers, but that it would probably be very slow going. He also mentioned that she kept agreeing to see him and that he was heading over to cook her dinner tomorrow night. If his mother had a negative opinion, she kept it to herself. Going only as far as telling him to “be careful,” which he assured her he would.

Wednesday after work, he stopped home and quickly showered and changed. Packing up the groceries, he headed out toward Claire’s.

*****

For only the second time in her life, Claire found herself staring at her closet. The problem was she was no longer in high school and knew even less about fashion now than she did then. She never watched tv, never looked at magazines or anything fashion related. She turned away from the closet. She would just wear her jeans and T-shirt. Kyle had seen her in that type of outfit over the weekend and didn’t seem to mind. She also remembered the outcome the last time she dressed up. Her parents were still alive then. She remembered her mother; how hurt she looked, seeing the state she was in.

She pushed the thoughts away. They wouldn’t help.

Claire headed downstairs, grabbed a book and sat in the nook waiting for Kyle to arrive. What the page she stayed on for the next half-hour was about, she couldn’t say.

She heard his truck pull up and had to restrain herself to stay seated. A few moments later there was a knock on the door. She went to open it. Kyle stood there with a bag of what she assumed were groceries with a smile on his face.

Claire stood with a shy, uncertain look on her face. There was emotion in her eyes again. Even with her large glasses, slightly disheveled hair covering her face and her baggy T-shirt and jeans, Kyle still felt she looked beautiful.

“Hi, Claire.”

“Hi.”

Claire stood looking into his eyes.

“Can I come in?”

“Oh, umm, of course.”

Claire stepped back and let Kyle in, closing the door after he entered.

*****

Kyle was driving home from Claire’s, thinking about how the evening had gone. The only word he could think of was ‘awkward.’ While she watched him as he prepped dinner, he tried to engage her in conversation, getting only short answers in response. When he felt that avenue was not working, he started to describe what he was doing as he prepped and cooked, explaining the methods and recipes his mother had taught him. She didn’t engage; not once. She just watched.

They ate silently as well. By the end of the evening, Kyle was worried. He must be pressing too much. He asked Claire if she was still ok with him coming by to work in the yard some more this weekend. She said she was.

His mother was still up when he got home, leafing through a cooking magazine at the kitchen table.

“How’d it go, honey?”

Kyle looked at her and immediately tried to hide the melancholy and depression he was feeling.

“Oh, not good then.”

“No, I guess not.”

“You know I trust you, and I want to support you in this. But I’ve also told you, I’m worried.”

“I know mom… I promise, I won’t let it drag me down.”

“It looks like it already is.”

“I’ll be fine… I know I shouldn’t expect miracles… just thought there would be more progress.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course not.”

With that, she got up, gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

“Goodnight, Sweetie.”

“Goodnight, mom.”

Patience, Kyle thought. I need to have patience.

*****

Claire lay in bed wondering what was wrong with her. She had looked forward to this evening. Was excited when she heard the car pull up and the knock on the door. Then he entered and she felt fear. What was she afraid of? She wasn’t afraid of Kyle, so what was it. She could tell he was trying to engage with her, trying to get her to talk. The words just wouldn’t come. Most of her time was spent surrounded by words with all the books she read. Yet she couldn’t get her mouth to work when he was here.

She had looked forward to this evening, she was looking forward to this weekend. There was no denying that she liked spending time with him.

Claire felt like she was messing everything up. But she didn’t know what she was doing, did she? She had never dated. The one time she thought she was going on a date had ended in tragedy for her. Beating herself up wasn’t going to help. Still, she was worried. What if Kyle got bored? He would get bored. She wasn’t talking, wasn’t interacting. What did she have to offer him? This scared her. She couldn’t think of a single thing. No one had liked her in high school. No one liked her now. Why would Kyle be any different?

Claire started to cry.

*****

Kyle texted Claire Saturday night to make sure it was still ok for him to come over on Sunday. She replied that it was.

Sunday morning, Kyle loaded up their zero-turn mower on the small trailer they had in case they had to take it for maintenance he couldn’t do himself. He brought some other lawn tools again as well. Satisfied he had everything he needed, he headed toward Claire’s.

He felt unsettled the whole way to Claire’s house. Worried about the same thing, pushing Claire. Now his mother’s words were also in his head… would this drag him down as well? He knew he wasn’t over Charlie’s death. It was a constant with him. The thought of Claire not recovering from bullying was unthinkable to him… but it was possible, wasn’t it? He would have to prepare himself for the possibility of Claire not recovering… but not today.

He pulled up to Claire’s house and was thankful that her driveway was big enough to pull the trailer in and turn around, so he didn’t have to back up her driveway. Backing up a short trailer was always a bitch. Trying to do it on a county road with a high speed limit and drivers paying attention to their cell phones instead of the road would have been an adventure.

Kyle started to unload the mower, not bothering to knock on the door. He figured he would let Claire come out in her own time. He was about to start it to pull it off the trailer when he saw Claire watching him from the walkway next to the garage. He hopped off the mower and then off the trailer. Walking over to Claire, he smiled.

“Good morning, Claire.”

“Good morning.”

He walked up and gave her a hug. Pulling back slightly, he looked down as she looked up at him. He smiled again. There was some emotion in her eyes this morning which Kyle took as a good sign.

He let Claire go and backed away.

“I’m going to unload the mower and get started. The mower is a little loud, just to let you know.”

Claire nodded at him.

“Is there anything in the yard around the garden that I should be worried about running over? I mean, I didn’t notice anything when I was weed-whacking, but just making sure.”

“No, there shouldn’t be.”

“Ok, I’ll go get started then.”

“Ok.”

It took a lot longer than it should have for a yard this size. He had to empty the clippings multiple times and raise the deck up on the mower to its highest setting. Claire had worked in the garden, occasionally stopping to watch him work.

He had finished about two-thirds of the yard when he started feeling hungry. Looking at his watch and seeing it was after noon, he parked the mower near the driveway and grabbed his cooler from his truck. He placed it near the door to the mudroom and headed up to the garden.

“Claire?”

She was knelt down in the dirt over one of her plants. She turned to look at Kyle.

“I brought some stuff to make sandwiches. You ok if we take a break and I make us lunch in your kitchen?”

“Sure.”

She turned away and finished up with her plant before rising and walking toward him, head down, hair covering her eyes again. The sight never failed to hurt Kyle.

In the kitchen, Kyle made the sandwiches. Nothing fancy, just cold cuts and cheese on whole wheat bread. He placed one in front of Claire and then worked on his own. Once finished, he sat down and looked up to see Claire staring down at her sandwich. Arms at her side. He placed his sandwich back down on the plate before taking a bite.

“Claire, what’s wrong?”

She didn’t look up.

“Claire?”

“I don’t want it to end.” Her voice was barely a whisper.

It was then that Kyle noticed the tears running down her cheeks and dripping from her eyelashes.

Kyle quickly went to where Claire was sitting and got down on his knees next to her. He gently took hold of her arms and turned her towards him.

“Claire?” He tried to coax her to look up at him, but she just kept her head down, gently sobbing now.

“Claire, what don’t you want to end?”

A few more sobs before she answered, “You’ll leave… and I’ll be alone again.”

Kyle thought of a question that had been bothering him more and more over the past week, “Claire, do you have any friends?”

She shook her head.

“Any relatives?”

She shook her head again.

“Claire, please look at me.”

She lifted her head and met his gaze. Eyes full of emotion now. Kyle thought about how beautiful she looked, even with her eyes red and puffy from crying.

“You mean no one has come to visit you? No acquaintances or anything?”

Claire sniffed. “Except for my parents, you’re the only person who has ever been here.”

With that, she started to cry again. Kyle wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him. Her head rested against his chest, tears wetting his shirt. She lifted her arms and returned the embrace. Kyle just held her as she slowly cried herself out.

Once she had finished, Kyle pushed back a bit. He lifted her chin and looked in her eyes again.

“I’m not going anywhere. I want to be your friend… if you’ll let me… do you want us to be friends?”

Claire vigorously nodded her head. Her nose wrinkled and she started to cry once more. Kyle pulled her back into an embrace until she finished. Kyle got up and grabbed a tissue box he had seen on the counter and handed a few tissues to Claire.

“Thank you.”

“Do you feel up to eating something now?”

She nodded her head again. Kyle was thankful as he thought she looked too thin. He didn’t dare say anything about it though.

They both ate their sandwiches silently. Kyle tried to keep the worry off his face the few times she looked up at him. When Claire finished, he picked up their plates and cleaned up. He then sat back across from Claire. She looked up this time as he sat.

“Is it ok if I leave my mower here? There is still more to do, but I’m thinking maybe we’ll do something together instead for the rest of the afternoon?”

“Ok… what do you want to do?”

“Well, what would you be doing right now if I wasn’t here?”

That was easy, Claire thought, she’d be at her spot. A little bit of panic entered her mind for a moment. No one had gone to her spot with her except her parents, and even they had gone very rarely. It was her sanctuary. Did she really want someone else there with her? There was a part of Claire that still hurt when she saw Kyle, that still remembered that day at the park and how terrible it was. In her mind, she believed Kyle had nothing to do with it. But her emotions still hadn’t caught up.

It was then that she realized her spot was a space to try and clear her mind. A sanctuary to forget her loneliness. Would bringing someone there make it even more special? She wouldn’t be alone. She wouldn’t need to forget.

After he had asked his question, it looked like a wave of emotions had passed over Claire’s face, Kyle thought.

“I would be at my spot.”

“Your spot?”

“Yes, it’s a place I go to think. Would you like to go with me?”

“Yes, but only if I won’t be intruding.”

“No, I’d like you to come.”

Kyle smiled, “Ok, let’s go.”

Claire smiled back.

*****

Claire sat Indian style, studying a small flower she had plucked from the ground next to her. Kyle sat with his legs straight out, leaning back on his hands. His one leg slightly brushing Claire’s. Kyle was content to just sit here with her. He wanted her comfortable having him here in her special place.

There was a lot that could be done to this spot, he thought. It was very overgrown but could be really beautiful with a little work. He kept these thoughts to himself. Claire might think it was already fine the way it was.

They sat quietly for about an hour. Kyle got up to stretch and asked Claire if she minded if he explored a little more. She said she didn’t, so Kyle set off. The trail to her spot was overgrown, but he could tell that a trail continued deeper into the property. It headed into the woods. Kyle had a bit of trouble figuring out where it went, losing it a few times until the trees opened into a large field, completely overgrown and many acres in size.

Kyle circled the field at the tree line and headed back to Claire’s spot, not wanting to get lost.

He sat back down next to her and was silent for a few minutes.

“I found a big field through the trees. Is all of it yours?”

“Yes.”

“Do you know how much property you have total?”

“About five hundred acres.”

“Wow! Do you know it all? I mean have you walked all the property?”

“Most of it, yes. My father and I would often walk it. Sometimes my mother would come too.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to dredge up memories of your parents.”

“It’s ok. They are good memories. I still occasionally hike through some of it, but not as much as I used to.”

“Thank you for letting me come here with you.”

Claire had been looking at Kyle as the talked, and now looked down slightly when she answered, “It’s nice having you here.”

“Good, can we do it again then?”

Claire smiled, “Yes, please.”

*****

Kyle took another sip of his beer and placed it back on the bar. He stared at the row of bottles behind the bar, not seeing them. John looked over at him, a bit of concern on his face.

“This is really having an effect on you.”

It was part statement, part question.

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“You’ve heard the phrase ‘you can’t fix people’ before, right?”

“My mom said the same thing.”

“And what did you say to her?”

Another sip of beer and a pause.

“I’m not trying to fix her. I saw the real Claire in high school. She’s in there somewhere. I want to let her know it’s ok to come out.”

John pondered this while he sipped his beer.

“How long has she been alone now?”

“I don’t know, how long ago did her parents die?”

“A few years at least… and you said you don’t think she’s had contact with people other than her parents since high school?”

“Well, I mean, she goes grocery shopping and stuff like that… but I asked if she had any friends and she said no. Said no one had ever been to her place.”

“Jesus, she’s almost feral.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t want that. You should have seen how she looked on Sunday… when she thought I would leave and not come back.”

“I can imagine.”

John paused again before continuing, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you know you are probably out of your depth here.”

Kyle thought for a moment and then realized what John was saying.

“Yeah, I thought about it. But I’ve just started connecting with her. It might throw her off if I immediately suggest she probably needs therapy. I don’t want her retreating into her shell.”

John nodded his head to this. “Ok, so what’s your plan?”

“Ha! You think I have a plan? I’m winging it right now. That’s why I asked you to come out for a beer. Needed someone to bounce this off.”

“Well, it sounds like you’re trying to be a friend to her, which is great… but is that enough?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you said that previously, all she had was her parents.”

“Yeah.”

“So, if you become her friend, and she comes out of her shell for you, how is that any different? She’d still just have you. Most of the girls our age that I know have tons of girlfriends.”

John paused and Kyle could tell he was processing a thought.

“Which actually is probably a bigger problem.”

“Huh? What’s a bigger problem?” Kyle was getting confused.

“Well, you’re a guy.”

“So?”

“Many people think guys process information and emotions differently than women do.”

“I’d agree with that.”

“So don’t you think it would be good if she had a woman to bounce stuff off of instead of just you?”

“Hadn’t thought of that.”

They took more sips of their beers, both mulling over what had been discussed. Kyle was first to get his next thought out. “It would probably be a good idea to get her to interact with other people as well. Not just me.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

Their conversation continued, discussing work and John’s dating prospects until both agreed it was time to go home so they could get some sleep before work the next morning. Lying in bed that night, Kyle replayed the conversation with John in his head. He had initially been confident about helping Claire. Now he wasn’t so sure. He wasn’t a professional and he was starting to panic, thoughts of doing more harm than good still bouncing around inside his head. It also occurred to him that he had never asked Claire what she wanted. What if she just wanted to continue her solitude with the occasional visit from Kyle or another friend? He resolved that he would talk with Claire the next time he saw her.

*****

The next day he texted Claire to see if she wanted some company that evening. She said sure. After work, Kyle went home and quickly showered and changed. He then headed out toward Claire’s house, texting her that he was on his way. She texted back that she was in her spot, he responded that he would meet her there.

He walked up the path to her spot. Thinking that he would ask her if she would mind if he cleaned up the path a bit for her. He found her as he expected, sitting Indian style in front of the pond.

“Hi, Claire.”

She turned to look at him, “Hi.”

Kyle sat Indian style next to Claire, facing her.

“Mind if I ask you a question?”

“No, I don’t mind.”

“Do you like living out here alone?”

She thought about this for a moment while mindlessly playing with the grass around her.

“I get lonely.”

“I can imagine… did you have any friends in school?”

“Not really.”

She seemed to be drawing inward just from the small exchange they had, and Kyle worried once again that he was pressing her too much.

“I’m sorry Claire, I don’t mean to pry, or to upset you.”

“It’s ok, I just worry about you leaving.”

“Why would you worry about that?”

“When new kids came to school, they would be nice to me… until they found out how unpopular I was and then they would shun me like everyone else. I guess I’m afraid you’ll do the same.”

Kyle reached over and gently took hold of her jaw and turned her head toward him. He saw the sadness in her eyes as she looked up at him and then looked down.

“Claire, I told you I want to be your friend. Friends don’t abandon each other.”

She just nodded her head, not meeting his gaze. Kyle didn’t think about what he did next. If he had, he probably would have decided it was a terrible idea… he sat behind Claire and pulled her back into him, wrapping his arms around her.

Claire thought it was the most wonderful feeling she had ever felt. Not many people look back and are able to describe the moment they were first truly held in a caring embrace from someone other than a relative. Claire could, and it was a memory and feeling she would never forget. She felt some tears form, but held them in check, lest Kyle think he had done something wrong and stop holding her. She leaned her head back into him and relished every moment of the feeling.

After a while, Kyle let her go and got up to sit next to her again.

“So how would you feel about meeting some other people?”

Claire was still wrapped up in the euphoria of being held and took a moment to respond.

“What other people? Like friends of yours?”

“Exactly. I don’t have a ton of friends here either. I was only here for a year before I went to college. But I remember what I was like after Charlie died. I remember my self-induced loneliness… and I remember how destructive it was. I should have relied on my friends more. I just think it would be good if you had more people you can rely on.”

“What would I rely on them for?”

Kyle thought about it for a moment and then smiled at her, “Sometimes it’s just nice to have someone give you a hug.”

Claire smiled back, “Can I have another one?”

Kyle’s smile got bigger, “Of course!”

He got up and sat behind her again. Claire didn’t hesitate, and just leaned back into him.

“I’d like to meet your friends.”

*****

Kyle sat at the bar with John, Brian and Jen. Jen had finished grad school and had already been hired by the company she had interned for the last two years. The position allowed her to work from home, which she was happy about. She liked the area they lived in and would have to move for many of the other positions she was looking at. Kyle had heard Jen was back, and asked Brian to see if she would mind coming out to the bar that night. He gave Brian a bit of the backstory to tell Jen. He had spent the last half-hour or so bringing them up to speed and answering their questions.

Jen looked a bit concerned, which immediately made Kyle take notice. “What’s up Jen, you don’t look happy.”

“Kyle, do you like this girl?”

Kyle knew what she meant, “I wouldn’t go that far, I don’t know her that well… and given everything she’s gone through, even if I did, I’d feel like I was taking advantage of her.”

“Kyle, I know what kind of guy you are, and I know you don’t mean to… but I think you might already be taking advantage of her.”

If anyone else had said it, he probably would have gotten defensive. But in the time he had known Jen, she had never been anything but a kind, pure soul. It was now Kyle’s turn to be concerned.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think she’s ever had a boyfriend?”

“Probably not.”

“I guess… I don’t know… it sounds like she’s never had anyone in her life… and here you are, her knight coming in to save her and comfort her. She probably wouldn’t say it, but I bet to her it almost feels like you’re her boyfriend.”

Kyle thought for a moment, “Shit.”

“What you’re doing is sweet Kyle, it really is. I don’t mean to be a downer. People need comfort, both physical and emotional. I’m just worried she’ll grow attached to you, and you might not want the same things.”

Jen took a sip of her drink, clearly still thinking on the subject.

“If it was anyone else, it probably wouldn’t be that big a deal…”

“But you’re all she has right now.” Brian chimed in.

“Shit.”

All Kyle was trying to do was be a good friend to her. The realization he might be doing the opposite was a blow. But then he thought back to high school and how he felt.

“I do remember thinking in high school that, whatever we had at that time, could become something more… but she’s so far in her shell right now that I guess I just don’t know.”

“Honestly, it sounds like she needs therapy, Kyle.”

John and Brian both nodded their heads at this.

“I agree, it’s just how do you broach that subject? ‘Hi Claire, I know I’m your only friend, but I think you need to see someone because you’re nuts.'”

“We know that’s not what you think.”

“Yeah, but that might be the way it comes across.”

No one said, but they all silently agreed that it could seem that way.

After some contemplation and ordering another round of drinks, Kyle decided to broach the subject that had been on his mind, and the reason he asked them to come out in the first place.

“I was wondering if I could convince all of you to meet her.”

John had figured this was coming at some point after their conversation the week before. Brian and Jen took a moment to think about it. Before they answered, Kyle decided he should probably offer some more context.

“Look, I completely understand if you don’t want to get wrapped up in this… I’m actually sorry for asking… it’s just… I think she could use some more people in her corner, you know?”

Brian was first to respond, “I’m in. Nobody should have to go through what she did… and she did it alone.”

Jen smiled at her big brother, “Ok, I’m in too.”

John just nodded and clinked his beer to Kyle’s.

*****

Kyle had just finished the second pass of mowing with the deck lowered. The lawn was looking good now. There was still a lot of work to do, but he was pleased with how it was turning out. He took off his gloves and ear protection after emptying the hopper and walked up to the garden to see Claire.

“How’s it going?”

“Good, things are starting to sprout already.”

“I see that.”

“… and it looks like the fence has kept the animals out. Thank you for fixing it.”

“You’re welcome.”

He walked around and inspected some of the plants. The look of neat rows of green starting to poke out was satisfying.

“Remember the talk we had the other day about meeting some of my friends?”

Claire stopped what she was doing and looked up at him. “Yes?”

“What do you think about having them over here?”

Claire felt a bit of panic at the thought. No one ever came over. It was an adjustment just having Kyle here, albeit a welcome one. What if his friends didn’t like her? Would he leave her again?

Kyle could see the immediate change in Claire and walked over to kneel in front of her.

“It’s ok, you don’t have to have anyone over.”

Claire wrinkled her nose, tears already starting to form in her eyes.

“It’s not that… it’s…”

“It’s ok Claire, you can tell me.”

“It’s just… what if they don’t like me?”

Kyle was wary after what Jen had said, but he couldn’t help it, he reached forward and hugged Claire. She laid her head on his chest. God it felt good, she thought.

“I like you Claire, so why wouldn’t they like you.”

He had an idea of what she was thinking.

“This isn’t high school anymore, no one is going to shun you because they are worried about being shunned themselves.”

He also knew he had to tell her about the people he wanted to invite.

“You probably know two of the people already.”

Claire pulled back and looked at him.

“Who?”

“John Kaminsky and Jen Stroll.”

Claire knew of John, but never had an interaction with him. It was the second name that worried her.

“The cheerleader?”

“Yes… but she’s not like those other three. Jen’s a good person.”

Her features softened a bit, but he could tell she was still worried.

“Claire.”

She looked up to meet his eyes.

“I promise, I wouldn’t invite anyone that would hurt you. I would never do that to you.”

She still felt conflicted, but she believed him.

“Ok.”

“The third person is Jen’s older brother Brian. He’s a good guy too.”

“Ok.”

Kyle pulled her into another hug. While Claire’s mind was racing about having people over, another feeling started taking over; the feeling of Kyle hugging her felt like heaven.

*****

Claire was leafing through her high school yearbook. Her parents had insisted she get one. Even now, she couldn’t fathom why. For years she never opened it. Now it wasn’t quite so bad, but it was still a who’s who of bullying. Tommy Smith who put gum in her hair in fifth grade. Amanda Wean, who ‘accidentally’ spilled water on her crotch in the lunchroom, then told everyone she had peed her pants. Not a page was turned without a former bully staring back at her.

There was John, and Kyle was right, she couldn’t remember John doing a single mean thing to her. She flipped a few more pages. There was Jen Stroll, her heart sank a little, but no matter how hard she thought, she couldn’t think of Jen doing a single bad thing to her either. Sure, she had occasionally been in the background when the hateful trio had ganged up on her, but she never participated.

This settled Claire’s mind a bit, but not completely. She still worried they wouldn’t like her. She was also worried about how attached she had become to Kyle in such a short time. She remembered back to that evening at the lake and its aftermath. About how much her chest hurt that night. How she cried on and off for three days. She remembered how worried her poor mother looked, knowing there was nothing she could do to stop the pain. She ultimately remembered how her hope was lost. Now, like then, she had a taste of hope. Of not feeling alone. It was even stronger now. Kyle had spent time with her, had hugged her and held her, and she cherished it. The thought of losing it now was beyond comprehension.

Claire decided there was nothing she could do though. If, for some reason, Kyle decided to abandon her, was that really something she could control? She didn’t think so. She felt he was being so nice to her. What she imagined a good friend would be, even though she had no experience having good friends. She would just try and reciprocate, to be a good friend to Kyle. That started by being good to his friends. She could do this. She had to.

*****

Kyle and Claire had decided on the following Saturday. He had asked his mother if he could get out an hour early from the deli and she had agreed. Friday evening, Kyle had loaded a metal fire pit, charcoal grill, and some Adirondack chairs from his house and brought it to Claire’s. Claire had asked what she could do. Kyle told her he had it all handled, but could tell that she wanted to take part. They decided to do the grocery shopping together.

It didn’t happen often, but occasionally on those early Tuesday mornings when Claire would do her grocery shopping, she’d see a couple shopping together. It made her a little envious. They probably thought nothing of it. After all, most people viewed grocery shopping as a chore. Claire loved every second of her time shopping with Kyle. She loved being in the car with him. Loved walking up and down the aisles, and especially loved that Kyle involved her in decisions about what to buy. It was almost as good as one of his hugs.

When they got back to her house, they put the groceries away together. Kyle handled the stuff that went into the refrigerator, as he didn’t know where Claire kept all her dry goods yet. She enjoyed this as well. It felt like something a couple would do.

Kyle was putting the last of the groceries in the fridge while Claire watched him.

“Thank you for this.”

Kyle placed the last item on the shelf and looked over at Claire. She immediately lowered her head.

“Claire, look at me… you’re welcome.” His statement was accompanied by a smile and Claire smiled back.

*****

It was after work on Saturday and Kyle was on his way to Claire’s house. He had to admit, he was concerned. He thought about having a talk with Jen, John and Brian about Claire, about how withdrawn she could be. He also wanted to tell them to go easy on her, she had an incredibly hard life. Then he thought it was a dumb idea. They knew that already, and they were smart; they would figure it out. He also didn’t want to feel like he was coaching them. Whatever happened, he wanted it to come naturally.

The cooler was in the back of his truck. He had filled it with beer and seltzer drinks, then covered it with ice. It would be cold by the time everyone got there. For the first time, Kyle wondered if Claire drank. He never thought to ask her before. He had a feeling she didn’t.

Once at Claire’s, they went to work setting things up. It was a new experience for her. Kyle had a lot of experience with gatherings. Having and Italian mother, family was important and there were usually several times a year they would host twenty people or more. They hadn’t done it much in recent years, having moved away with his mother after the divorce, and many of the family also moving over the years.

Kyle made sure he explained why he was setting things up the way he was to keep her included in the process. He set up a table near the grill and laid out his tools. They put the burgers and hot dogs in a cooler. Kyle added some of the bottled water they had bought to the cooler of drinks as well. He got the coals lit so they would be good and hot when everyone arrived. The fire pit was set up in the yard. Kyle had come by a few nights earlier and dropped off enough wood for the evening, putting it close to where he figured they would set up the fire pit.

Everything was ready just before the group arrived. Kyle looked at Claire and could see the nervousness on her face. He walked over to her and lifted her chin to look into her eyes.

“Everything is going to be fine. Don’t worry, they’re going to love you.”

Claire’s look told him she wasn’t so sure. He wrapped her in a hug and kissed the top of her head. She immediately felt better. She knew it wouldn’t last but was appreciative of the gesture.

The group arrived only a few minutes later, Brian having picked up Jen and John so they wouldn’t have to drive if they decided to have a few cocktails. They walked around the back of the house as Kyle had instructed in a text he sent them earlier. Kyle introduced everyone to Claire. The shy ‘hello’ they each got in return was to be expected given their discussions with Kyle. Brian immediately started off, trying to get Claire involved in conversation.

“Claire, this is an amazing spread. I heard it’s a couple hundred acres, isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s around five hundred.”

“Wow! I’m not sure if you heard the stories, but I remember folks in town talking about it when your parents bought it. The rumor mill thought it was a developer that was going to put up McMansions and everyone was upset. They calmed down when they heard one family bought it.”

Claire had actually never heard the story.

“My parents didn’t want anyone building close to them. They liked their privacy. I think they were going to buy less but fell in love with the property when they toured it, so bought it all.”

“That’s awesome. I bet it was fun to explore as a kid.”

“It was, I went for a lot of walks with my parents around the property. I still try to walk all of it once a year. Not all at once, but in pieces. It’s getting harder as a lot is overgrown now.”

Kyle chimed in at this point as he had been thinking of the overgrown path that led to her spot.

“I was actually going to ask if you’d mind if I cleaned up some of those paths.”

“Sure, that would be great.”

“Well, are you guys hungry?”

Everyone said they were, so Kyle and Claire headed toward the house to get the rest of the supplies out. Everyone headed in with them to help, all complimenting Claire on her beautiful home. They grabbed the plates and plastic silverware. Kyle grabbed a big bowl of homemade potato salad he had whipped up at the deli and they headed outside.

Everyone engaged Claire in questions about the property and the house as Kyle started cooking. Claire seemed to be slowly coming out of the shell she so obviously ducked back into when the guests arrived. Kyle was passively listening to the conversation when John asked something that piqued his curiosity.

“Claire, what do you do?”

Claire gave him a questioning look, “What do you mean?”

“I mean for work?”

It’s a question Kyle hadn’t thought about. What did she do for work? She never spoke about it, and he hadn’t thought to ask.

“Oh, I don’t work.”

The answer both did and did not surprise Kyle. Working usually meant interacting with people, something that clearly made Claire uncomfortable.

The answer also perplexed John, and the rest of the group for that matter.

“Oh, ok… it’s just the taxes on this much property can’t be cheap.”

“My parents had a lot of investments. It’s more than enough to take care of the taxes and other bills.”

“Ahh, ok. That makes sense. Although I’m a little jealous now.”

“Jealous? Of me?”

“Yeah! You live on this gorgeous spread AND you don’t have to work? That’s great!”

“Yes, but you have friends.”

It was delivered so matter of factly that it stopped John in his tracks. The smile on his face instantly disappeared.

“I’m sorry, Claire.”

Kyle felt bad, he knew John didn’t mean anything by it. He worried that the night might already be going off the rails.

“It’s ok, it’s not your fault I don’t have friends.”

Jen chimed in, “That’s not true Claire, I mean about not having friends. Kyle is your friend.”

Claire lowered her head. Kyle’s worry increased. Jen continued, “… and we’re here for you to meet new people. Who knows, all of us could become friends.”

Claire just nodded. Jen quickly changed direction, “Oh wait! I forgot; I brought something for you.”

Claire lifted her head and looked at Jen.

“I left it in the car, I’ll be right back.”

Jen ran around the corner and the sound of a car door opening and closing could be heard. Jen rushed back with a bag in her arms. She put it down on the table and pulled out a bottle of wine and handed it to Claire.

“This is my favorite. This one is for you, but I brought some more for us to have tonight as well.”

Claire accepted the bottle and studied the label, “Thank you.”

Jen watched Claire and a question occurred to her, “Claire, do you drink? Alcohol I mean?”

Claire shook her head.

“Have you ever had a drink and you just don’t like it?”

“No, I’ve never had one.”

“Oh, ok. Would you like to try a little bit?”

“Um, ok.”

“We’ll wait until the food is ready, better to try it for the first time with food.”

“Ok, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

It took a bit, but the conversation started to flow again. Claire still stuck to her short answers, a habit she had developed all through school. The more you talked, the more the bullies could use against you.

Kyle finished grilling and the food was served. He lit the fire pit as everyone made a plate and headed to the pit to sit and eat. Jen poured a little bit of the white wine she had brought into plastic cups for her and Claire, the boys opting for beers. Claire took a sip of the wine and stared into the cup. She wasn’t sure how she felt about the wine; it was an odd taste to her.

Jen noticed, “It’s probably an odd taste your first time. No pressure if you don’t like it, but once you have a little bit in you, it goes down easier.”

Claire decided to take Jen’s advice and slowly sipped the wine with her meal. She was surprised to notice that she had finished the cup that Jen had poured her by the time she finished her meal.

Claire looked over at Jen, “May I have some more?”

Jen smiled, “Of course, but I’d limit it to just two. Since you’re not used to alcohol, I don’t want you to have a killer hangover in the morning.”

Claire hadn’t thought of that. She had heard of hangovers before but had never experienced one herself. Her parents rarely drank, and to her knowledge, had never been drunk around her, so she wasn’t familiar with the phenomenon.

“Ok, thanks.”

Jen put some more wine in Claire’s cup and handed it back.

The conversation picked up once everyone had finished their food. Kyle collected plates and put them in the fire for disposal. Everyone made sure to keep Claire engaged in conversation and she seemed to open up a little more. How much of it was due to the wine, Kyle wasn’t sure, but he was thankful Jen had told Claire to limit her intake. He didn’t want her to get drunk and have a hangover that left a bad impression of the get together.

Kyle was in a conversation with John and Brian about the deli and how they wanted to ship their pasta, talking about different ideas. Kyle explained the different vendors and shipping companies they had talked to and the different solutions for keeping it cool. He occasionally looked over to see Claire and Jen deep in conversation. Another glance over and he was surprised to see Jen hand Claire her phone. Claire tapped something into the phone and handed it back with a smile. Phone number exchange was all Kyle could think of, and it made him smile.

Conversation flowed readily for the next hour or so, eventually dying down. All the stories had been embellished and told. The group now content to relax and watch the embers. After a short time, the yawns started, and it was time for the group to disperse.

Everyone helped clean up, which took no time at all. Goodbyes were said and everyone took a turn giving Claire a hug. With that, Brian, Jen and John were off. Claire just smiled up at Kyle.

Kyle smile back, asking, “Did you have a good time?” Feeling he knew the answer.

“Yes!” Claire went over to Kyle and for the first time initiated a hug with him.

“Thank you.” She said with her head buried in his chest.

“It’s nice having friends, isn’t it?”

“They’re your friends,” she stated with a flat tone.

“You’re on the way to them being your friends, too. It doesn’t happen overnight.”

Claire nodded at this.

“Well, I should probably get going. Have a good night, Claire.”

They hugged again and Kyle set off.

Claire went inside and closed up the house. She went into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Looking in the mirror, she stopped and stared. She looked different, she felt different. She couldn’t define why though. The moment passed and she continued her nightly rituals. She fell asleep quickly that night and had one of the best nights of sleep she could remember.

*****

Kyle asked the group to go out for a drink again in the middle of the week. He wanted to get their feedback. While he thought the night went well, he still felt he was in over his head and wanted their advice.

“I was worried in the beginning, but she seemed better by the end,” John stated. “… and I still feel like a dick after she made the friends comment.”

Kyle frowned as he put his beer down. “You weren’t a dick… and I don’t think you understand what she meant with the friends comment.”

Everyone looked at Kyle, waiting for him to continue. Kyle took a moment, sipped his beer, and continued.

“It’s weird, but a lot of people would make that comment in a self-deprecating manner to elicit the reaction you had. To make you feel bad.” Another pause, “I know it’s weird, but I’ve heard her say similar things. She’s just very matter of fact. It’s not her feeling sorry for herself or trying to get a reaction out of you. She’s just stating the truth… well, the truth in her mind at least.”

“Well fuck me, Dr. Scott.” Brian said with a grin and the others laughed. Kyle laughed too, but he meant what he said.

Brian then added, “Well, how do you feel about her? Because it’s obvious she has a thing for you.”

“I don’t know if that’s true.” Kyle stated. Jen raised an eyebrow to this while taking a sip of her wine.

Brian continued, “Come on, she practically followed you around.”

“She’s never had anyone in her corner before. I think she’s just starting to feel safe around me. Having you guys there was a big step for her.”

Jen put her wine down and asked, a small smirk on her face, “… and you think her feeling safe around you doesn’t also mean she has feelings for you?”

“I don’t know… I mean I guess she could.”

“… and you didn’t answer Brian’s question.”

Kyle looked quizzically at her while in the middle of sipping his beer.

“Brian asked how you feel about her.”

Kyle thought for a moment before putting his beer down and answering.

“I mean I do think she’s attractive. But I’m worried, if I’m honest. She told me the other day she’s never had a friend, let alone a boyfriend. I mean, I feel like I’d be taking advantage of her.”

“It’s only taking advantage if she doesn’t want it,” John added.

“I hear what you’re saying, but it’s different here. I mean she’s in her twenties without ever having a relationship. There are bound to be issues because of that.”

Brian added, “Yeah, but if you stick with her and help her through them, then what’s the problem?”

“I think you have too much faith in me. I already feel like I’m in over my head and that I’m going to hurt her.”

“So, what’s your goal then?”

“My goal?”

“Yeah, what are you trying to accomplish with Claire?”

Kyle thought about blowing off the question. He knew the answer, he was just worried about being made fun of. But these were good people, and he wanted their honest feedback.

“I remember the girl I was getting to know in high school. I remember how interesting I found her, and how pretty I thought she was. I still think she’s pretty; she just hides it. As for the rest, I think that girl is still in there. In that shell. I want to help her come out.”

“Wow.” John said.

“Yeah, wow.” Echoed Brian.

Jen just smiled.

*****

Kyle talked or texted with Claire every day. He was a little surprised when she texted him Thursday and asked if he would like to come over for dinner Saturday. It was surprising, because up until this point she had seemed to follow his lead. This time she was taking the lead. He liked it and was excited.

Saturday came and Kyle rushed home to shower and head to Claire’s house. He’d had a conversation with his mother and told her how things were going with Claire. She seemed happier about it now than when he had first discussed it with her. It put him more at ease. He was struggling enough with the situation without having to worry about his mother being concerned about him.

He pulled into the driveway and parked. Even though he knew she would most likely be in the kitchen, he still went to the door. He just thought it was respectful.

He knocked on the door and looked out at the yard, thinking about what projects he would tackle next.

The door opened, Kyle turned, and all thoughts of the yard left his brain.

Claire stood in the doorway, one hand still on the doorknob. She wore a beautiful yellow sundress. Her hair had been cut and was now shoulder length and styled to no longer cover her face. The large glasses she usually wore were gone, replaced by fashionable, small, rectangular frames. They accented her high cheekbones more, and if possible, made her little button nose look even cuter.

Kyle stood there with his mouth partially opened, speechless. Claire giggled at this, relishing her transformation having its intended effect.

“Would you like to come in?” Claire asked, still smiling and with a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Umm, yes please… uh, you look, you look amazing!”

“Thank you!”

Kyle entered and gave Claire a one-armed hug. His other arm held a bag with the wine he bought. They headed into the kitchen and Kyle pulled out the wine he bought and put it in the fridge, coming back to look at the spread of food Claire was preparing.

“This looks amazing, Claire!”

“Thanks, it’s a suggestion from one of the food blogs I read.”

There were duck breasts, Brussels sprouts and bacon out on the counter.

“Can I help?”

“Of course! Why don’t you get the bacon started?”

Kyle cooked the bacon in a cast iron pan Claire pointed out to him. Claire uncovered some potatoes that were already in boiling water. She tested them with a fork and then pulled them off the stove, dumping them in a colander. The potatoes had already been diced pretty small, and Kyle was fascinated when she placed them in a handheld contraption.

“What are you doing with that?”

“This is a ricer. It gives a better consistency so there are no lumps.”

“Huh, never saw it done that way before.”

“I’m making a kind of potato puree. I’ll add butter, sour cream, garlic powder and a little heavy cream.”

“That sounds delicious!”

“I made it one other time and thought it came out really good.”

Kyle finished cooking the bacon. Claire had him reserve some of the bacon fat and put the Brussel sprouts in the pan with it. Once they started cooking, she asked him to dice up the bacon and add it back in.

Claire finished the potatoes and started the duck breast. She added a little canola oil so they wouldn’t stick and put the breasts in fat-side down. She cooked it like this for the majority of the time, rendering the fat until it crisped up, spooning the fat juices over top every minute or so, only turning them over for a minute or two at the very end to brown them.

Claire plated their dinner while Kyle opened and poured the wine for them. Kyle thought the meal looked delicious, but there were other things on his mind – namely Claire’s transformation. He wanted so badly to ask, but no matter what way he thought of, in his head it sounded insulting. He thought she was pretty before; she just hid it. Now her full beauty was on display.

Claire dug into her food while watching Kyle. She knew she didn’t have any experience when it came to men, but even she could see Kyle was nearly bursting. This was a new experience for her, and she was relishing it. She only kept him hanging for a few bites though, not wanting to torture him.

“Kyle, is there something on your mind?” she asked, giving him a wicked little smile.

Kyle laughed out loud, “You know what’s on my mind, and now you’re just toying with me.”

She took another bit, “Uh huh.” She finished chewing and smiled again.

“Well!?”

This time Claire laughed out loud.

“It was Jen.”

Of course it was Jen.

“Ok, well spill. It sounds like there is a story, I want to hear it.”

“Jen and I talked a lot at the fire pit last weekend.”

“Yeah, I saw that.”

“I told her I knew nothing about fashion or haircuts or anything like that, so I asked for her help. Monday, we went to my optometrist to get new glasses for me. Today we went shopping and to the salon where she gets her hair cut.”

“Well, you look beautiful.”

“Thank you.” Another smile Kyle could get lost in.

Then a thought occurred to him, a question he was afraid to ask, but knew he had to.

“Claire, you really do look beautiful, but can I ask why? I mean why you did all this?”

Claire’s demeanor immediately turned serious, and Kyle was worried he had ruined the mood, but he had to know why.

“I did it because I wanted to look beautiful for you.”

“Claire, you already looked beautiful to me.”

Claire smiled. “I know, but you were the only one who’s ever seen it. Now hopefully other people will understand the beauty you see.”

Kyle smiled at this. He couldn’t fault her logic and wasn’t going to complain. He no longer had to wait for her to lift her head, or brush her hair back to see the beauty, it was on full display. She was stunning in his eyes.

They finished a bottle of wine during dinner and had started a second. Claire chatted about her experience shopping with Jen and how amusing she thought it was at the salon. Jen and the stylist had her look through dozens of possibilities until Claire finally convinced them they would be better off choosing one for her; she trusted their judgement.

Kyle had been so wrapped up in the conversation and the stunning woman sitting across from him that he hadn’t been thinking about all the wine they had consumed until Claire had poured the last drop into their glasses.

“Shit Claire, I’m sorry… we shouldn’t have drunk that much.”

Claire giggled, “It’s ok, now I know what this buzzed feeling is I’ve read about.”

This worried Kyle even more. “Ok, well I’m getting us some water. Make sure you drink at least a glass or two before bed.”

“What about you? Are you buzzed too?”

Kyle could feel it, he was a little buzzed. “Umm, yeah… it’s ok though… if you don’t mind, I’ll just crash on your couch for an hour or two then head home.”

“Kyle, I have plenty of spare bedrooms. You don’t need to sleep on the couch, and you don’t need to leave in the middle of the night.”

Even though he didn’t plan it, he still felt like an ass. He should have cut them off at one bottle instead of putting Claire in this position. He still felt like he was taking advantage.

“Ok, thanks Claire – and I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

“For putting you in this position… having me stay overnight.”

“But I like when you’re here.”

“Yeah, but it’s different if I’m sleeping over… I’m sorry, I know I’m not making sense.”

Claire gave him a soft smile, “It’s ok… we’re both tired. I’m fine with you being here.”

Kyle nodded and they both went about cleaning up, then headed upstairs. Claire showed him to one of her spare bedrooms and said she would get him a toothbrush. Kyle just looked around the room for a moment until Claire came back with a new toothbrush and toothpaste. He thanked her and was about to head to the bathroom when Claire asked, “Kyle… before you go to bed, will you come give me a hug?”

“Of course, and thanks for letting me stay.”

Claire smiled and turned to go to her room. She wanted him to give her a hug good night. This was not a good idea. They were both buzzed. She’d be in her pajamas… or her underwear. Kyle felt a twitch between his legs at that thought. What if she slept naked. More than a twitch this time… ‘Stop it!’ he thought. He went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He gave himself some time to calm his nether region and for Claire to finish her bedtime rituals. After a couple of minutes, he headed to her door, which was opened a crack. He lightly knocked.

“Claire?”

“Come in.”

Kyle pushed the door open and walked toward her bed. A small night-light next to her bed provided enough illumination for him to make his way over. She sat up as he approached and opened her arms. Kyle leaned down and hugged her. There was a scent he couldn’t place as his nose was nuzzled in her hair… all he knew was that it smelled good.

“I love your hugs.” Claire said as she rubbed her hands up and down his back.

“I feel the same way.” He didn’t know why, but hugs with Claire were different and he enjoyed them immensely.

“Why don’t you climb in and hold me then?”

Fuck. Kyle DEFINITELY wanted to climb into bed with her, but he DEFINITELY thought it was a bad idea.

“Claire… we’ve both been drinking… I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”

“I’ve never been held while I fall asleep. The idea sounds amazing to me, and I want you to be the first person to do that for me.”

Kyle had to admit, he wanted to be the first person to do that for her, too.

“Ok, I’ll hold you until you fall asleep and then I’ll go back to the spare room.”

“Deal.”

Kyle started to pull the covers back.

“Are you going to get into my bed wearing your jeans?”

Kyle knew how his cock was reacting to the idea of holding Claire in her bed. Without his jeans on, Claire could possibly notice as well. His mind and emotions were officially at war. His emotions were winning though, the thought of holding Claire taking priority over his mind.

He undid his belt, the button and fly of his jeans and took them off, thankful that he was wearing boxers. Claire flung the covers back and rolled over, so her back was facing Kyle. He was thankful. If he held her while facing him, the urge to kiss her would probably kill him.

He slid into bed behind her. He slowly worked one arm under her head, she lifted it so he could move it the rest of the way and then laid her head down on it. She shimmied back to contort her small frame to him, and he wrapped his other arm over her as she did. She immediately took his arm and pulled it up to her chest, hugging it against her.

Claire was in heaven. She had never felt anything like this before in her life. It was literally the best feeling she had ever experienced. She fell asleep in mere moments.

Kyle felt Claire’s bare legs as she had backed into him. She wasn’t wearing full length pajamas, but he couldn’t tell what was covering her bottom.

Her tiny body was nestled into him perfectly, and he enjoyed the feeling of her against him. In only a minute or two, her breathing slowed and became rhythmic. He assumed she was asleep. He realized there was no way he could extricate himself without waking her. It didn’t matter; he didn’t want to move anyway. It felt too good. Kyle was asleep just a few minutes after Claire.

*****

Claire awoke slowly, her brain taking a few moments to catch up to what her body was feeling. She knew she had fallen asleep with her back against Kyle. She was now facing him, her head on one arm, his other draped over her side, her face nuzzled against his chest. There was a bit of her drool on his shirt, which she found embarrassing.

She noticed her head hurt a little bit. She had drunk a lot of water and taken some aspirin before bed, which probably helped her not have a splitting headache. What she noticed more than her head though, was how good it still felt to be in his arms. She felt like she could spend the whole morning this way. She nuzzled her face closer to him and breathed in his scent.

After a little while, Kyle started to stir. He opened his eyes and as they started to focus, Claire thought he looked a little surprised by his surroundings. He settled and looked down at Claire and smiled.

“Good morning.”

“It is.” Claire responded with a smile of her own.

“As much as I’d like to stay like this, nature is calling.”

Claire gave a fake pout which Kyle found adorable. He extricated himself and went to use the bathroom in her room. When he came back, he sat on the bed next to Claire.

“I’m going to head home to shower and change, but I’ll be back to work on the stuff around your property we talked about.”

“Ok.” Claire sat up to give him another hug. “See you later.”

“See you later, Claire.”

Kyle put his jeans back on and with a wave and a ‘goodbye,’ he left and headed home.

Claire was so excited she didn’t know what to do with herself. All these feelings fighting for dominance. She retrieved her phone from downstairs and looked at the time. It was after eight… was that late enough to call Jen? She didn’t know phone etiquette. She now understood those stories about people needing to talk to friends when they had something exciting happen. She felt like she would burst if she didn’t talk to someone. Jen was the only someone she had.

Claire pulled up her contact info and dialed Jen’s number, hoping she wasn’t still asleep.

“Good morning! How was your evening!?” Her chirpiness told Claire she had been awake.

“It was amazing! He slept over.”

“What happened?” There was a change in Jen’s tone, but Claire wasn’t sure why.

“Well, you should have seen his face when I opened the door, he….”

“Claire! Sorry, but let’s skip that part for the moment. Did you have sex with him!?”

“What!? No! Why would you think that?”

Jen blew out the breath she had been holding. “Ok, good. You said he slept over, that can lead to sex.”

“Oh, yeah. I get that, sorry. No, nothing like that. He actually kept apologizing, saying he should have cut us off earlier because we drank too much. He offered to sleep on the couch and go home after a couple of hours but I said no, that he could sleep in one of the spare rooms.”

Claire went on to detail the evening. She told of how good she felt about how Kyle looked at her when she opened the door. How he wouldn’t stop staring at her all through dinner.

Then Claire went on to explain how she asked for a hug before bed, and then asked him to hold her while she fell asleep, and how they woke up that way.

“Wait, what!? I thought you said he was sleeping in a spare room?”

“He was going to, but his hugs felt so good, I thought it would feel really good if he held me while I went to sleep.”

“… and nothing else happened?”

“No.”

“No touching, no kissing?”

“Well, he touched me to hold me.”

“Where did he touch you?”

“He had one arm under my head and the other I held to my chest.”

“You held it to your chest? Did he try to touch your… ”

“No! Jen, what’s the issue? I thought last night was wonderful and now you’re making me feel bad about it.”

“I’m sorry Claire, I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I’m just worried. You told me yourself that you have zero experience with boys. I love Kyle to death and think he’s a sweetheart, but I’m worried about you moving too fast… the both of you moving too fast.”

“So, what should I do? I mean last night, him holding me, it was the best thing I’ve ever felt.”

“Just take it slow. It’s all based on feelings, and all these feelings are new to you. So you need time to adjust to them.”

“I will… and Jen, thank you. He thinks I’m beautiful because of you.”

“That’s not true Claire, he already thought you were beautiful.”

*****

Kyle had just finished his shower and was back in his room dressing when his phone rang. He looked down at it and smirked as he tapped the phone.

“Is this extreme makeover Jen?”

“Good morning, Loverboy.”

“You could have warned me.”

“No way, I heard the look on your face was priceless.”

“So, you’ve obviously spoken to her this morning.”

“Obviously.”

“Is she ok?”

“Is she ok? I could feel the smile on her face through the phone. She was practically bouncing off the walls she was so happy.”

“That’s good, I guess. I was worried about pushing her.”

“I think you should be more worried about her pushing you… and I have to ask, is this what you want? Because if it isn’t, and you go much further, I worry what kind of damage it will do to her.”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not a great answer Kyle, these are all new feelings for her. She has never had anyone hold her… at least not like you’ve held her. She thinks it’s amazing and she attributes it all to you.”

“I’m sorry Jen, I shouldn’t have said I don’t know. I like her, I do. I think she’s beautiful… and I like the person I’ve seen so far… but I can’t get it out of my head that I’m taking advantage of her. You said it yourself; these are all new feelings for her. I’m just the first guy to come along and actually be nice to her. Once she gets used to these feelings, she might realize that and want to move on.”

“I understand what you mean, but I don’t think that’s very likely… just make sure of how you feel about her and be careful.”

“I will Jen, I promise. It’s why I’m constantly worried about this. I don’t want to hurt her, even by mistake.”

Kyle paused as he thought of something else, “But Jen, you’ve made it clear you’re worried about how I feel about Claire, whether I like her, whether I’ll reciprocate her feelings…”

“Yeah.”

“… If you’re worried about all that, why did you help her do the makeover?”

“Regardless of what happens between you two, she needs confidence. You may think she’s beautiful, but she didn’t think so. She knows she has no experience with fashion or hairstyles, so she asked for help. I told her I would help her, as long as it was for her, and not for you.”

“I guess that’s fair… and I’d say it’s working. She’s definitely been opening up more over the last few weeks, but last night was leaps and bounds better.”

“Good, I’m glad.”

They talked for a few more minutes before they hung up. Jen’s words echoed in his head. How did he feel about her? He thought he liked her… but he also saw some of Charlie in her and that scared him. Did he just want to help her, protect her, because she reminded him of Charlie? What happened if she was finally able to fully emerge from behind the walls she had built, what if she no longer needed protecting? Would he feel the same way? Would she?

Confronting how he felt about Claire meant also confronting the ghost of Charlie. How he felt like he had failed his little sister. No amount of people telling him it wasn’t his fault would make it go away, so he just buried it. Pushed it back into the closet and closed the door, yet it was always there, hanging over him.

Kyle put his boots on and headed out the door for Claire’s house.

*****

After talking to her about it and making sure it was okay, Kyle cleaned up the path to Claire’s spot and worked on clearing the overgrowth around the pond. He felt that to really clean it up properly, he would need an excavator… but that was a task for the future. He had made some good headway on it before heading back and cleaning up his tools. He brought Claire out to show her. They now sat next to each other in Claire’s spot enjoying the now slightly altered view of the pond.

Kyle felt like they had to talk about what was going on between them. He was also immensely afraid of any conversation on the topic going sideways. He thought he would start the conversation light and see where it went. They had both been staring out at the pond in their own thoughts when he began.

“So, I heard you spoke with Jen this morning.”

“Did you? I wonder how you heard that?”

“She called to see how the night went.”

“What did you tell her?”

“I told her the truth; I thought it went well.” He wanted to add that he also told Jen that he was scared to death of hurting her, but he kept that piece of information to himself for the moment.

“I thought it went well too,” she stated as she looked at him and gave him a smile. It was amazing how much more emotive her eyes were now, and how much it added to her beauty.

“So… what did Jen have to say?”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“No, she would never spill what the two of you talked about without your permission.”

“Maybe I should keep it a secret, then.”

What the heck happened to shy Claire? Now here was some spiciness, thought Kyle.

“Fine, be mysterious.”

Claire laughed out loud, and Kyle looked at her questioningly. She looked at him still chuckling.

“She was worried I had sex with you.”

This was eye-opening to him, “Really!?”

“Yup, but I told her you were a gentleman. So, what did you talk about when you spoke with Jen?”

Kyle turned serious, time for honesty.

“We spoke about me not hurting you.”

Claire’s smile disappeared.

“Why would you hurt me?”

“Not on purpose, I’d never do that. But being brutally honest here, we’ve both got issues that need working through.”

Claire seemed to ponder this for a bit before she replied, “What issues do you need to work through?”

“My sister. How I couldn’t protect her. How I failed her.”

“You think you failed her?”

Kyle paused, “I guess logically I know there was nothing I could do. But I was always there for her, except for when it mattered.”

“Is that what you want to do for me? Protect me?”

Kyle frowned. Honesty.

“Yes… I know it’s not possible, I know you’re not my responsibility… I know you’re not Charlie…”

“You did protect me though, and it’s something I’ll never forget… but you’re right, I’m not Charlie… and you’re right, I don’t need someone to protect me anymore.”

It was Kyle’s turn to have his head down. Everything Claire said was right. He was trying to make up for his perceived failure with his sister. Claire, with all the issues she had gone through, with her lack of worldliness, figured him out in no time.

“I do need a friend, though.”

Kyle nodded, his head still down.

“… and maybe more than that?”

Kyle raised his head and they locked eyes with each other. Both with slightly sad expressions.

“I’m still worried about hurting you… or you hurting me. So how about we just take it slow? See where this takes us?”

Claire smiled and nodded her head, then added; “Can I have another hug?”

Kyle smiled, rose, and got behind her again. She leaned back into him, and he wrapped his arms around her. It was a wonderful feeling for both.

*****

Claire and Kyle got into a rhythm with each other over the next few weeks. He would come by every Sunday and do a little more work around Claire’s property. They would cook dinner together Saturday evenings, occasionally having John, Brian and Jen over as well. They convinced Claire to come out to the bar with them and started making it a regular Friday thing. Kyle realized this was a big step and was slightly surprised at how easy it seemed for Claire. She looked like a deer in headlights when they first arrived, but within five minutes of taking a stool next to Jen, the look was gone, and she was chatting amiably with everyone.

To Kyle, Claire seemed to get better every week. He attributed a lot of it to Jen. Claire now had a bit of confidence, which Kyle felt was a huge part of her transformation.

Kyle didn’t sleep over again during that time. It was never spoken, but both feared that ‘taking things slow’ would go out the window if he did. There was still a lot of hugging though.

About a month had passed, and the whole crew was sitting around the fire pit at Claire’s. Kyle was discussing the latest developments on their quest to ship their pasta.

“The problem now is that we don’t have a facility big enough to make the amount grocery store chains would require… and frankly we are more excited about shipping to customers direct. That also requires a bigger facility, as well as the investment in the packaging and chilling system we settled on to ship direct.”

“So, you need a building and equipment.” Brian stated.

“Yeah, the equipment I’ve priced out. We are going to start looking at buildings in the next couple of weeks. We’ve also started talking with some banks about business loans. So it’s moving. Still a lot to work out though.”

Claire found the conversation fascinating. Kyle already did so much around her place, plus he was working at the deli while also trying to expand it. A little itch formed in the back of her mind. Something small, but a bother, nonetheless. Claire couldn’t tell what it was, just that the thoughts of how hard Kyle obviously worked triggered it.

She pushed it aside for the moment. She would think about it later. Claire wanted to enjoy her time by the fire with her friends. The thought stopped her mind dead. Were they her friends? She hung out with them regularly, texted with all of them separately and in group chats. Was this what friendship was? She was scared to ask the question out loud. But it felt very comforting to her, knowing there were people that she could talk to, people that would be there for her. She had already spoken more to Jen in the last month than all the conversations she had with classmates throughout school combined. The thought was very comforting, and Claire decided that regardless of what others might think the label should be, she thought of this as friendship. It brought a smile to her face.

John noticed Claire’s smile. They hadn’t been discussing anything particularly funny, so assumed she was lost in a thought that brought the smile out.

“Whatcha thinking about, Claire?”

Claire had an ever-so-brief moment of panic at being caught. Her old reflexes and defenses wanted her to clam up, to put her walls back up. It passed quickly, her mind overruling, knowing she was in a safe space. Probably not safe enough to discuss what she was thinking though.

“Huh, oh… nothing, just thinking.”

“Well, whatever you were thinking about brought a pretty big smile to your face, sure you don’t want to share?”

“It’s silly.”

“If she doesn’t want to share, she doesn’t have to, John.” Jen had become almost as fierce a protector of Claire as Kyle was in the past few weeks. She could see that Claire still had a long way to go to catch up with all the emotional experiences most people take for granted.

“I know, I’m not trying to force her… it’s just, well you really looked happy, and we’re all friends here, so thought you might like to share.”

Claire laughed out loud at John’s statement, causing a bit of surprise amongst the group.

“I was thinking that I wonder if this is what friendship is?…and if it is, I really like it. I guess you just confirmed it.”

Kyle, seated next to Claire, reached over to give her hand a squeeze. She turned to look at him, but then turned back as Jen had gotten up and walked over to her. She pulled Claire up and gave her a hug.

“We are definitely friends.”

Everyone else got up and joined in. Under different circumstances, this may have panicked Claire as she was the smallest of the group by far. But she was now cocooned by four people giving her a group hug.

As they parted and looked at Claire, there were tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Those better be happy tears, Claire,” Brian stated, a broad smile on his face.

“Of course they are,” she replied, giving a hiccoughing sob and crying a little harder.

“Sorry,” she said between small sobs. “I just never thought this would happen to me.”

Jen had to fight back some tears of her own as she wrapped Claire in another hug, the rest of the group joining in as well.

Later that night, after Jen, Brian and John had left, Kyle was just finishing cleaning up the few small things the group hadn’t gotten to. Claire watched him for a moment. Kyle, feeling the eyes on him turned to Claire with a smile. His smile faded a bit as he saw Claire had a slightly worried look on her face. She was also gently wringing her hands.

“Claire, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong… it’s just… I’d like you to spend the night again.”

The slight frown that appeared on Kyle’s face made Claire instantly regret her question.

“I’m sorry. It’s okay if you don’t want to, I understand. I didn’t mean to…”

His frown softened and he stepped over to Claire and held her arms.

“Claire, stop. I absolutely would like to spend the night here with you. I’m just still worried about hurting you.”

Claire’s mind skipped over the first part of Kyle’s statement and focused on the second.

“Oh, is it that you don’t like me more than a friend? I mean… I want us to always be friends, so I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

It quickly dawned on Kyle that this was the type of conversation he could remember having when he dated as a teenager. It made perfect sense, of course, Claire was going through this for the first time. All those same emotions you feel, dating as teen, she had never gone through.

“Claire, I absolutely do not feel uncomfortable. Quite the opposite actually… I’ll spend the night.”

He smiled and hugged her.

“I’m assuming you would like to be held while falling asleep again?” Kyle asked as he pulled back from their hug. He gave a sly smile as he asked it.

“Umm, yes please?”

“Of course. I think we’re all done down here; shall we head upstairs?”

Claire nodded and smiled.

The toothbrush Claire had given Kyle was still in the holder in the spare room. Kyle brushed his teeth and gave Claire some time to get ready for bed. He knocked on her door and entered after she said, “Come in.”

Claire was in bed already and had moved toward the middle of her King-sized mattress. The sight was amusing to Kyle; she was so tiny that the bed could probably hold half a dozen people her size. Kyle took his shorts off but left his boxers and t-shirt on. He climbed in next to Claire and nudged her to roll facing away from him. The same as their first night together, he put his arm under her head and snuggled her to him. Claire’s small size made her the perfect little spoon… and just like the first time, Claire was asleep in minutes. Kyle following not much longer after her.

They awoke much the same as the first time, facing each other and holding each other. This time Kyle woke first, but his slight stir had Claire awake in a moment as well. They smiled at each other, and Kyle pulled her into a tighter embrace. They lay together, shifting occasionally, but holding each other the entire time. Eventually the call of nature became too great, and they both got up to use the bathroom, Kyle using the one in the spare bedroom. When they rejoined in Claire’s bedroom, Kyle told Claire he was going home to shower and change but would be back later to work in the yard.

Claire picked up her phone as soon as he left and dialed Jen. She told Jen what had transpired after she had left.

“I want more.”

“More sleepovers?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, but he said he’s still scared of hurting me.”

“Have you told him you want more?”

“No, I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“It usually starts with kissing.” Jen stated with a little giggle.

“That’s not what I meant,” Claire pouted.

“I know. But seriously, I think you two need to talk about it… and you need to be prepared in case Kyle doesn’t want more.”

“Why? Did he say that?”

“No, not at all… but part of the journey you’re on is preparing yourself for people not wanting the same things as you.”

“Ok, I guess that makes sense.”

“Would you be ok if you and Kyle just remained friends and nothing more?”

“I guess, it’s just I don’t know if I could ever feel the way I do about Kyle with someone else.”

“Welcome to the dating world, Claire.”

“So that’s a common thing?”

“Too common.”

Claire knew it would be hard to handle if Kyle didn’t want more. She had suffered enough heartache for ten lifetimes… but she also knew that not trying to take that step with Kyle would hurt more. She had to know. Now she just had to find the courage to talk to him about it.

*****

Kyle had showered and changed. He stepped into the kitchen to have some coffee and catch up with his mom.

“So, where’d you stay last night?” His mother asked with a little smirk.

“At Claire’s.”

“How is that going?”

“Really well. We hung out with Brian, Jen and John last night. I think Claire had a bit of a breakthrough… she realizes that she has friends now.”

“And what about you two? Are you more than friends now?”

“No, nothing has happened.”

His mother raised an eyebrow at this statement. Kyle didn’t keep things from his mother, but he also didn’t talk about the goings on in his relationships either. It was a bit uncomfortable. He explained that they had fallen asleep holding each other, with clothes on. His mother smirked at this information, noticing how uncomfortable it was making him and didn’t press him any further on it.

Kyle poured his coffee, sat across from his mother and stared down into the mug, seemingly lost in thought for a moment. His mother waited to see if he had more to say. Finally, he looked up, “Would it be ok if we had her over for dinner some time?”

“Of course, I’d love to meet her.”

Kyle nodded at this, “Thanks, Mom.”

“What’s your plan for the rest of the day?”

“Heading back over to Claire’s more yard work.”

“You seem to be her personal landscaper.”

Kyle laughed at this, knowing it was true, but also knowing it was his choice.

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s just an amazing piece of property that has never really been tended to. I’m enjoying the transformation.”

She smiled at this, counting herself lucky. She never would have gotten her deli off the ground without his help and hard work. That he also had a heart of gold just added to her feeling of contentment.

Kyle finished off his coffee, chatting with his mom about their ambitions to expand the pasta making. They said their goodbyes and Kyle headed off to Claire’s.

*****

Claire sat in the breakfast nook, looking through the windows at a completely new view. When her parents were alive, they had a landscaping company that would come take care of mowing the lawn and other small tasks. After their death, Claire didn’t want to deal with having people on her property and cancelled the service. They had done a decent job, but there is a difference when you have a connection to the property. The love and attention to detail Kyle put into transforming her yard was amazing. It was the best it had ever looked, and based on the discussions they had about what could be done with it, Kyle was just getting started. The fact that he put so much effort into something that wasn’t even his made her even more enamored of him… as if that were possible.

It also occurred to her that he never pressed. There was always a discussion, Kyle would make suggestions if Claire asked, but always left the decision of what to do up to her. It was her property, he had said, and he would do whatever she wanted.

She took another sip of tea and smiled to herself.

Her smile broadened as she heard the familiar sound of a truck pulling up the driveway.

Kyle got out of his truck as Claire rounded the garage. It suddenly occurred to him that Claire looked different. She was still in jeans and a T-shirt, but they were a better fit. And not that he knew anything about the subject, but they looked more fashionable to him. Thinking back on the last few weeks, there were definite changes in her wardrobe. He chalked it up to Jen’s influence and thought about the noticeable effect it was having on her confidence.

Kyle walked up and gave her a hug. Claire reached up and wrapped her arms around his neck, Kyle leaning down slightly so she could do so. She held on tight – tighter than usual, Kyle thought – and she held on for a moment. Kyle leaned back, lifting her off the ground.

“Eep!”… and a giggle from Claire as he lifted her. She loosened her grip so she could lean back and look at him.

Kyle looked into those eyes he loved and realized this was definitely a moment where he would like to kiss her. He felt it was inevitable; it would happen. But he didn’t want to yet, not without a discussion. He smiled deeply at her and put her down.

Claire felt something as well; even with no experience, she felt that could have been the moment. She was disappointed when he put her down, but she understood. Jen had told her that Kyle was too much of a gentleman to try something without them talking about it first. Not the most romantic way for things to progress, but she understood her situation was unique.

Kyle gathered his tools and they headed to her spot. He worked around the pond, cutting back the areas they had discussed, while leaving other parts to nature. After Kyle worked for an hour or so, he stopped to get some water. Claire had brought water and sandwiches in a small cooler. They ate silently for a while, enjoying the shade as the sun had moved past the trees to their side.

Kyle was mid-bite into his sandwich when Claire spoke, “Kyle, do you like me?” She didn’t look at him when she asked the question. Afraid of what his face would reveal.

Kyle almost coughed up his bite at the question. He quickly chewed, swallowed and took a gulp of water. He thought he knew where this question was leading… but to be sure, he played a little dumb.

“What? Of course I like you. I don’t spend this much time with people I don’t like.”

Claire scooted around to face him, her face serious. Kyle knew this conversation was coming, it just always seemed these things always happen when you least expect them. He put his sandwich down and looked at Claire. She sat there studying him, not saying anything. For a moment he felt trapped, the feeling quickly fading as he knew he wanted this conversation to happen too.

Shy Claire was still often around, but not at this moment. He could tell she saw through him. He looked down, feeling foolish for his previous statement.

“I do like you, Claire. I think you know that.”

“I like you too, but you already knew that.”

Kyle nodded.

Claire had felt brave enough to start the conversation off, the next part petrified her though. She rose, stepped over to Kyle who was still sitting, legs stretched out in front of him. She stepped over top of his legs with one of hers and sat down on his thighs. She put her hands around the back of his neck.

“You know I don’t have any experience.”

“I know.”

“Will you teach me?”

Kyle thought for a moment, then smiled, “We’ll teach each other.”

Claire gave him a puzzled look. “But… you’ve been with people before… haven’t you?”

“Yes, I have.”

“Then…”

“Everyone’s different Claire, different people like different things. You need to learn about each other, learn what your partner likes. If you’re smart about it, you teach each other.”

Claire almost cried at his statements. Whenever she started to feel inferior to Kyle, he had a way of making her his equal. He did it effortlessly. Claire understood at that moment why Kyle was worried about hurting her. Regardless of her lack of dating experience or worldliness, she knew at that moment that she would never have feelings for anyone else like she did for Kyle. If he left her, if he didn’t feel for her as she felt for him, it would break her. She knew she would not recover. The thoughts frightened her momentarily but were then quicky overridden by the feeling of him, being this close to him.

“Teach me.”

Claire leaned forward, and Kyle reciprocated until their lips touched. Claire would look back on this moment and realize what it was: a very awkward first kiss. It didn’t matter at that moment though. It was the feeling, the emotion behind it. She thought back to a time in high school, when she was getting to know Kyle. A thought, a dream of one day kissing him. She would push it away as quickly as it arose. Those things didn’t happen to her. It took many years, but it was happening now.

Kyle didn’t care that it was awkward, he just noticed how soft her lips were. How there was a slight tremble in them when they touched.

They went slowly, just softly kissing each other. It was several minutes of this. Kyle was about to introduce his tongue when Claire beat him to it, licking his lip as they parted. Kyle pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes. So much emotion in those deep brown orbs. He leaned forward, put his lips to hers and gently pressed his tongue between them. He then leaned back and lay on the grass, pulling Claire down onto him.

They kissed on and off for probably close to an hour. Even Claire, with her lack of experience, could tell how much better it was by the end than when they had started. Finally, Kyle had to get up. The ground was too uncomfortable to lay on anymore. Claire helped Kyle brush the grass and dirt from his back.

Claire looked up at him and pulled him down for one more quick kiss before releasing him. Looking up at him again she stated, “I want you to go home.”

Kyle looked at her quizzically… then a bit of worry took over. Did he push her, was he moving too fast? His hands wanted to wander the entire time, but he kept himself in check.

A smirk started to appear on Claire’s face, “Go home and pack a change of clothes, you’re staying over tonight.”

Relief washed over Kyle, but then the worry quickly came back.

“Claire, I think it’s too quick…”

“Not for that… but adding a little kissing to being held as we fall asleep sounds wonderful.”

Kyle smiled. “Ok… do you want to come with me?”

“To your place?”

“Yeah, if my mother is home, you can meet her.”

Meeting people and interacting with them was still new to Claire, but she realized what a big step it was for Kyle to invite him to meet his mother. She pushed down the fear.

“Ok.”

*****

They drove in Kyle’s truck, skirting the edge of town until they got to his house. It was a modest, two-story colonial with about an acre of yard in the front and back combined. Trees lined the yard on all sides. Kyle saw his mother’s car in the driveway, so he knew she was home. He glanced at Claire, whose face looked like a mix of wonder and fear. He parked and looked over at her again.

“It’s going to be fine.”

“I should have asked before, but does she know about me?”

Kyle chuckled, “Of course! Otherwise, she would want to know where I’d been disappearing to every Sunday and what the hell happened to our mower.”

“Oh, yeah. Hadn’t thought of that.”

“Come on, let’s go meet her.”

Claire hesitantly got out of the truck and walked around the front to where Kyle was waiting. They headed down the walk toward the front door. Kyle opened it and moved to the side to let Claire enter. Her nose was immediately assaulted by a wonderful smell. They headed down the central hallway to the back of the house where the kitchen was. Ms. Scott was leaning over the island sprinkling cheese on something in a pan.

“Hi Honey, you’re back early,” His mother stated, her back still to them. She turned and noticed Claire standing next to him. A shy look on her face.

“… and you brought a guest! I have to assume you’re Claire?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

His mother went to the sink and washed her hands. She swiftly took her apron off while responding, “That won’t do, please call me Lucia.”

Claire looked down, “Ok, Lucia.”

She looked back up just in time to see Lucia approach and envelope her in a hug. While it didn’t have the same impact as one of Kyle’s, she thought they must be related, as his mother was a good hugger as well.

The curiosity regarding the amazing smells Claire was inhaling became too great, “What are you making, Lucia?”

“Oh, just trying out a different Lasagna recipe for the deli.”

“It smells amazing!”

“Thank you dear, would you like to try some?”

“No thank you, I don’t want to take away from your deli.”

“Oh please! There is plenty and this is an experiment, so you can tell me what you think.”

“Ok, umm, thank you.”

“Of course.”

Kyle just stood by with a small smile, amused by the exchange, knowing his mother would make her feel right at home.