“I know, Mother. I’m sorry. I don’t think I can ask for pay for tutoring, though. It… was kind of put upon me. I didn’t get a chance to say n-”
“If you want to say no, you say no,” Mother practically barked at me. Kevin was trying to hide his grin. “Then you use that time and print out a resume and you get a job. A job that gives pay.” She turned back to her cooking. “Go clean the table.”
I quickly went to clear the table, even though it was probably a good hour before dinner. Mother switched to Mandarin, still addressing me. “Do you want to earn yourself a good life? Do you want a good job, a good family, a good life?”
I sighed. “Yes, mother, I do.”
“Don’t sigh at me. I ask because you are making the wrong choices. You need to make the right choices.”
Everyone has this weird stereotype about Asian parents that they expect their kids to be doctors or lawyers and get perfect As. That wasn’t really true, just almost true. My parents were actually really supportive of me getting the job I wanted and they knew that if I ever got poor grades, that was more reflective of my dumb ‘whitey’ teachers (their words, not mine) than of my own skill. But at the same time, after they set the standard for me, I could never go home empty-handed, or else… well, what just happened would happen.
After supper, I went back to my room and drew for a while. After an hour or so I felt my phone vibrate – it completely startled me. I pulled out my phone to see a message from Taylor – ok 🙂
I smiled to myself at the irony.
***
“You don’t have to speak,” Taylor told me with a smile when we met after school Thursday. It was the first thing she told me. Honestly, it kind of stung. I didn’t want me to be this hard to talk to either.
Instead of protesting though, I shrugged and nodded. Taylor continued. “I was thinking that maybe we could go to the local library. The one at school closes around four. Is that okay?”
Again, I shrugged.
Taylor beamed. “Great, let’s go! I’ll drive.” With that, she started walking down the hallway, the perfect preppy schoolgirl. Even her walk oozed that teenage sexiness that made every guy either turn his head or have to think very hard about not turning his head. I slunk behind her, trying not to seem like I was going with her – either to help her reputation, or to avoid the trope of some jock going, “Hey, is he following you? Is he harassing you?” and beating me up or something.
The only person that stopped to talk to her was one of her friends. I didn’t recognize her, but of course, Taylor did. They chatted for a few minutes, then Taylor offered her a ride home, which I figured was on the way to the library. Hey, I wasn’t even in a position to talk – what was I going to do, complain?
It was still relatively early in the semester so we were met with brisk, cool air when we went outside. Taylor and her friend – I think her name was Morgan – chatted about something or other as we approached her car.
Of course it was a convertible. Of course it was red. Of course there was an empty Starbucks cup where I was going to sit – it was already clear I was going in the back seat.
“Why’s he coming along?” Morgan asked, insultingly only noticing me when I was waiting outside the car.
“Oh, he’s my new tutor. He’s Quinn Shen, Kevin’s brother.”
“Oh, hi, Quinn! Nice to meet you.”
I smiled and nodded. That was good enough for Morgan. Soon everyone was seated, and off we went. Surprisingly, Morgan’s place was actually fairly past the library, so we ran a good chunk of time behind schedule. By the time we even got to the library, it was around the time the school library would be closing.
The timing issue didn’t seem to bother Taylor. Once we got to the library, she wordlessly hopped out and I meekly followed, and she found us a table at which to study.
“Okay, so, data management,” she began. “How long do you think it’ll take to catch me up?”
I had rehearsed for this. I looked down at the table and formed a pyramid with my hands at my forehead so I wouldn’t see a hint of Taylor. For good measure, I covered my eyes. “Th-that all depends on how much you’d say you know right now.”
“Oh hey, he talks,” she quipped.
“My brother bet me ten bucks I couldn’t talk to you,” I quipped back. Kevin and I made no such bet.
“Really? Why?” she asked, oblivious.
“Never mind. So, how much do you know?”
“Um…” I heard the sounds of her book opening. “I… fuck… I don’t know. This whole thing just kinda, like, confuses me.”
I removed the pyramid and looking up, my eyes scanning her book. Introduction. Oh boy.
***
“And that’s all a factorial is. Just take the number and multiply it from all numbers that came before it. So, five factorial is five times four times three times two times one. But, see, any number times one is just… that exact number. So, really, it’s five times four times three times two. Five times four is twenty, times three is sixty, times two, one-twenty.”
Taylor nodded along, her brow furrowed.
“Your turn. What’s four factorial?”
She thought for a second. Okay, so it’s just the same thing, right?”
“The same formula.”
“So, it would be… four times three times two times one.”
“Good! Now try to solve it.”
“Four times three… that’s… twelve, right? Okay, so, like, twelve times two. …Twenty-four. Times one is… is still twenty-four, right?”
“So what’s four factorial?”
“Twenty-four?”
“You got it!” I replied, looking up at Taylor with a smile. As soon as she met my smile with her own, my eyes immediately darted away.
A beat of silence passed. “…No offense, but am I doing something wrong?” she asked. “Like, I get you don’t talk to people much, but I feel like I’m doing something wrong, like I’m hurting you.”
I didn’t like to admit it, but looking Taylor in the eye made me hard. I was eighteen, but still a teeanger; a teenager that didn’t have any kind of experience to boot. I shifted uncomfortably before doing the hand-pyramid-looking-down thing again. “No, you’re okay. This is just a lot to adjust to. I’m sorry if this is – I – I’m sorry if this is weird.”
“I mean, it’s a change of pace so that’s neat,” she managed. I could still feel her eyelashed brown eyes on me, her confused chipmunk smile probably still on her face. “But that’s probably enough for today. Do you wanna maybe, like, do this weekly, or…?”
“That’s up to you,” I immediately and flatly replied. “I’m your tutor. We can do this as often or… not often as you wish.”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to cut into any plans you have, or like if you wanted to hang out with someone or something.” I remained silent, and she caught my drift. “Oh, come on. I know you said you don’t talk to people much, but there’s no way you don’t hang out with friends occasionally or at least do something.”
“I don’t. Apart from school, my schedule is fully open.”
“Really? You don’t do even, like, a chess club or a book club or kung fu or something?”
After the smile I gave her earlier, that was my second instance of emotion I showed with her. My gaze slowly shot up to her, eyebrows raised yet eyelids lowered, a sarcastic smile on my face. “Kung fu? Really?”