“OK, Kendra. If that’s the way you want it. Let’s meet and talk when we can, go to a movie, or just be together. Problem is, I don’t yet know how we can arrange that. Every week, I’m supposed to get a day off; but I don’t know which day that will be. They’re sending me to a school, and I’m waiting to learn what my class schedule will be. When I know my schedule, I’ll know when I can get away from here, and we can arrange to meet. I care about us. I don’t want to break up.”
“OK Jim, I love you too, but let’s leave it like this for now. Call me when you know more, and we’ll decide where we go from here. I want to stay friends with you, but I don’t know if I can be your girlfriend now, on the path you’re taking. I don’t know if you really want me to be, and you may not know either!”
“Bye for now,” she added, and she hung up.
I could see where she was coming from. My own sense of who I was — my ‘identity,’ as we say — was certainly changing, and in ways that sometimes scared me. And I had the support of my mother, and of a whole community of teachers and fellow travellers in what was happening to me. Just like Kendra, I had had to embrace my ‘inner slut’ — the part of me that will surrender to sexual feelings for their own sake, not (at least, not necessarily) as expressions of love or anything else. And I was just at the beginning of this road, and could not know where it would take me. I too was being cautious, in my own way — except that I was surrounded by people whom I could trust to keep me safe.
I left the phone cubicle, and started back to my room. In the big common room, Lisa stopped me. To my surprise, she was not nude as I was — as the trainees here, are as usual. She was wearing power togs in black leather, and holding a riding crop under one shoulder. A dominatrix like Mistress Lotte, though still an apprentice like me.
“Come to my room,” she commanded.
“More initiation?” I asked her.
“Only if you want it,” she answered. “Apart from your training here, I’m inviting you to be my personal submissive. If you wish, you will get this extra training from me, and I will get to practice my Dominant skills on you. I just gave you an order. If you accept to be my sub, you say ‘Yes, Miss,’ and follow me. Otherwise, do as you wish.”
I thought quickly. “Yes miss. But” I answered. “I’m inclined to accept your offer, but I want to talk with you first. I like and respect you, and would be happy to enter this personal relationship with you. But I will not be a slave. That’s not what want . . . or what I am.”
“I will give you my submission, but there will be conditions. We need to talk about this first. If you agree, you say ‘OK Jim, come to my room and we’ll talk.’ Otherwise, I will be your friend and your colleague here, but nothing more.”
To my surprise, she smiled at me. “So,” she said. “You’re a submissive with backbone. I like that. They’re the best kind.”
“Fine, then. Come to my room Jim, and we’ll have that talk. Then, if you wish it, I will put a collar on you that you will keep with you at all times, but only wear when you’re alone with me.”
“Yes, miss,” I answered her. This sounds very good. If we can agree on terms, I will be happy and proud to serve you and from you.”
Without a word, Lisa turned away from me and started walking toward her room. At a respectful distance, I walked behind her. Once in her room — furnished almost exactly like mine, but with pictures on its walls and a small row of hooks with D/s implements on them — she gestured me to sit on the bed, while she sat at her desk. “OK. Jim,” she started. “Now we’re just friends and equals having a chat. Ask your questions, and tell me your conditions. I will answer; and I’ll start by promising never to lie you and insisting on the same honesty from you. If I catch you in a lie, that will be the end of this relationship. Understood?”
“Yes, miss,” I responded. “I will never lie to you, and will respect your right to privacy while offering you mine. As the sub, I must answer all questions truthfully, as best I can. I understand that. As my Domme, you can decline to answer my questions, if you choose, but must be honest with me when you do answer. If you lie to me, I’m out.”
“Very good,” Lisa answered. “We’ve got some agreement already. What do you want to know?”
“First, I want to know why you’re making me this offer. Whose idea was this? Just yours, or did Mistress Lotte or one of your other teachers put you up to it?”
“Mistress Lotte saw that we liked each other, and suggested it. But it was a suggestion, not an order. I’m her senior apprentice now, interning with her as a professional Dominatrix. She knows that your inclinations are to be submissive, and maybe something of a pain slut. I’ve seen those tendencies myself. She thought that some close relationship between us might be good for both of us, but is leaving it up to us to work it out.”
“For my part, I’ll be graduating in a few weeks, and looking for work and further training with some more senior Dom. Since I hope to stay in this city, it’s quite possible that I’ll be able to work with you on occasion, and eventually maybe take you with me as a sidekick and assistant. Does that answer your question?”
“Yes, and thank you, miss. It’s the answer I was hoping for. I would have obeyed an order from Mistress Lotte, but prefer it as a suggestion from her to you and from you to me. I’ll be delighted to serve you while you are still here — as my training schedule permits, of course — all the more, if Mistress Lotte encourages it. For afterwards — when I’m a licensed journeyman — I can’t make any promises now. I’m planning to work my way through university in the best way I can.”
“That’s fine,” Lisa said. “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. I ask for no commitment not consistent with your apprenticeship, or beyond its terms. Mistress Lotte’s idea is that serving me will be part of your training.”
“Another question, Miss. I’m assuming that normal BDSM protocols will apply between us — Safe, Sane Consensual, safe-words, no permanent marks or injuries, etc. Is that correct?”
“Basically yes.” Lisa answered, “except that you will have to trust me, as you do Mistress Lotte — much further than is needed for casual D/s play. I will be working you and pushing your limits. You should use your safe words only when your hard limits are being violated, or you feel you are at risk of injury, or you just can’t take it anymore. Otherwise, it’s better to stick it out if you can, and wait till after for a discussion of equals like we’re having now.
“Last question, then, Miss: Can you give me some idea of where you intend to take me and how you intend to use me? As your submissive, what will you expect from me? As I’ve said already, though I love service and submission and do sometimes enjoy a little pain, I cannot be a mindless slave. I have purposes of my own, that will need to be accommodated somehow.”
“And as I’ve said, Jim, that is one thing I like about you — why I think you will be valuable to me while you are still Mistress Lotte’s apprentice, and maybe after that if it works out. I prefer a mindful, intelligent sub, with a will of his own in some areas, to one who has surrendered completely. As a pro-Domme in training, I need practice not just in giving sessions, but in managing an ongoing D/s relationship. As the professional Domme that I hope to become, a trained, trustworthy, assistant and professional sub will be invaluable — for demonstrations, for work with clients, and just for general aid and comfort. As a life-mate, if it goes that far.”