As I was beyond fourteen weeks, and that my dates must have been wrong. They then informed me there was a different procedure that could be done up to twenty weeks, it was only available in the main centers, but not locally.
I slowly left the clinic and went back home, I still pregnant to the rapist. I sat on my bed and cried again, I was totally fed up, how on earth could I be seventeen weeks? I knew full well when I had been raped. If I tried to get the other procedure would they tell me I was too far along too? I began to doubt myself, I just wanted this nightmare to end.
I rang to make another appointment with my doctor, but they were away for a week, and the locum who was in attendance I did not like. No! I would not go and see him. I knew then my chances of getting a termination in time was now extinguished.
I was still pregnant to the rapist, and that was not going to change any time soon. The next morning after my shower, I stood naked in my bathroom, looking in the mirror at the small and unwelcome bulge in my lower belly. I also noticed that my breasts were now more perky and had begun to swell. I was going to need new bras. I also knew that I really did not want to be pregnant.
The next few days passed in a bit of a blur, then I made another appointment to see my doctor, just to find out what I was going to need to know, as the unwanted pregnancy continued.
I began to wear loose-fitting clothing more, as the bump in my belly did not show any signs of going away, but began to get a little bit bigger. I hoped that I could avoid anyone noticing the unwelcome intrusion in my life. My visit to see the doctor was fairly brief, I was given a pile of paperwork and then referred to see one of the local midwives. One small benefit I discovered was that I did not need to pay for any pregnancy-related visits.
Then much to my horror over the next few days, my belly decided to expand out rather more, the bump pushed out much further than before, it was clear now that I was well and truly pregnant.
A couple of days later I had a call from Helen, the midwife, and she arranged to come and visit me at my home. She arrived on time and greeted me, then we sat in my lounge while she told me what care I was going to have for me and my baby.
Just one word stuck in my mind shocking me for a moment, BABY! I was going to have a baby. Then I felt really dumb, yes, of course, I was going to have a baby, but up until now I had just been pregnant, and I had honestly expected that not to continue. But the pregnancy was going to continue, and then yes, I would have to have the baby.
After a quick listen and feel of my belly, she seemed to think all was well and that I was about eighteen to nineteen weeks pregnant. She would arrange for me to have a scan in a few week’s time and she would visit me again in two weeks.
After the midwife left, the shame and shock returned. Baby, I was going to have a baby. I had the rape baby in my belly and would carry on having the rape baby inside me until I gave birth. I really hated the idea that I was going to have to have a rape baby.
The next few days dragged as I watch in dismay as my belly began to firm up and pushed further out. I went shopping for new clothes and bras. Then as I waited for the bus back home an old woman came up to me, and proceed to pat my belly, telling me just how lucky I was. Then she walked away, leaving me confused and somewhat upset. A few days later I was sent a notice about having my pregnancy scan, and detail of what to do and to make sure I had a full bladder when I was there.
I also had to tell my boss that I was pregnant, I had expected a kind of negative reaction, but they seemed to accept it as just par for the course. I would be entitled to maternity leave when it was time for my baby to arrive.
A few more days later the midwife returned, checked to see if I had the scan booked, and then did a quick exam, but then she lingered over my belly while trying to hear the heartbeat. After a few moments, she straightened up and smiled, she told me she heard a good strong heartbeat. All was going well. She decided that she would come and visit me again once I had my scan in three weeks’ time.
Day by day, I took each one at a time, I watch in dismay as my belly continues to expand. It started to get a little bit in my way. There was no hope now of trying to hide my belly, and I was aware of people looking at it and taking note of how big it was growing. All this began to take its toll on me and I grew more and more tired and grumpy.
I was beginning to get very fed up with being pregnant still, and I wasn’t even halfway through my pregnancy. I still hated and resented having to be pregnant to the rapist.
The day of my scan arrived and I made my way into the clinic, my bladder full and beginning to get uncomfortable. Another woman went in before me and I sat slowly squirming while I waited for my turn.
At last, I was called and asked to lay on the exam table, I eased my skirt up out of the way, and they applied the jelly to assist in taking the scan. They rubbed the scanner over my belly a couple of times then focused on what looked like a leg. They took a snapshot and moved onto another leg, then the technician stopped, changed angle and looked again. Images swam on the screen, and then I saw what appeared to be a baby’s head, then another head.
“Oh, Oh my,” the technician paused, “Well, did you know that you were carrying twins?”
“Twins?” I gasped. “No, I didn’t know.”
Deep disbelief flooded me, and I barely held on trying hard not to pee. No way should I have to be having twins. It was bad enough carrying one rape baby from the rapist but have to carry two rape babies was going to be even more of a nightmare.
I stayed still and silent during the rest of the scanning, not daring to move lest I wet myself.
“Almost done,” The technician told me. “It looks like you are just on nineteen weeks pregnant now. All is looking good for you. The toilet is just across the hall, I’m done, off you go.”
I just made it into the cubicle when I lost control, a flood released, but luckily most of it managed to go where I had hoped. Not too much to clean up.
The scan has shown me two things, the first was that I had twin rape babies inside me, and the second confirmed my dates of how far along I was now pregnant.
The next day the midwife came and discussed care of having twin babies, she told me of a support group of expectant mothers who were having twins and thought it was a good idea that I meet up with them.
Over the next few days, I considered what to do and rang the group to let them know I wished to attend. They were very helpful and good to deal with. For the next month or so, I had frequent visits from the midwife and I also visited the group. I began to feel that somehow I was going to get through with this after all.
I still hated and resented being pregnant. My belly was getting very swollen, but I still had at least a couple more months to go.
A couple more weeks later I was told that I had to get more rest and if I didn’t I would be ordered to have complete bed rest. I tried to ease up but it was just getting too hard for me, my belly was huge now and I kept on running out of puff.