Being Jim Ch.09: The Heart Has no Conscience by Frodov

Introduction:

Another chapter in the ongoing story of the life of a regular guy and the twists and turns thrown at him by fate. , All characters depicted in this story are 18 years old or older

* Life is a tapestry, a cloth woven from many different threads that create the whole. This story is a thread, a part of Barbra's story, contributing to the waft and weave that is the Whole cloth, being Jim.

Being Jim Ch.09: The Heart Has No Conscience

Or: The Guilty Heart

By Frodov

* This story is based entirely on true experiences from my past, names and a few details have been changed to provide anonymity for those involved. Discretion is a precious commodity and is becoming rarer every day. I reached way back to relive this story for everyone. At the time I was the ripe old age of thirty. Bear in mind that Cell phones were barely a novel idea at that time. The internet was taking its first baby steps and people were discovering the likes of A0L and to a lesser extent local messaging or electronic “bulletin boards”. How many of you out there remember dial-up modems? Cable TV was still mostly commercial free. Ah, good times. So, in that frame of mind enjoy the memory.

The heart has no conscience, it has no shame and it has no off switch when it’s on fire. Lust and love are interchangeable, so alike and so confusing at times. It’s the confusion that leads to problems however. When one cannot tell the difference between the two it can lead to trouble… heart break and pain like nothing else. One must be ever vigilant and remember to think with their brain and not just follow their heart blindly.

The smell of chicken cacciatore tickled my nose even as I stepped up to the front porch and knocked on the door before opening it and poking my head in and announcing myself.

“What is that SMELL?” I asked towards the kitchen as I grinned at Dave who was sitting in his recliner holding a cold long neck that he lifted towards me in way of greeting. He grinned at me and rolled his eyes as Sarah sounded off from around the corner as she bustled about in the midst of putting the finishing touches on her culinary offering for tonight. I held up two bottles of wine, one red, one white by way of question to Dave. He just shrugged and nodded towards the kitchen deferring to Sarah’s judgement. I tilted my head down in mock resignation and stepped around the corner into the DANGER ZONE.

If you spend any time at all around a full-blooded Italian woman, you learn to give her lots of space when she’s in the depths of preparing a meal. Sarah was every bit the stereotypical hell on wheels when it came to order and chaos in her kitchen. She had everything planned and organized in her mind and if ANYTHING got out of line or altered there would be hell to pay for anyone disrupting her flow. I turned the corner at the doorway from the den to the kitchen and just leaned against the door jamb and observed her at work. She was very absorbed in her tasks at hand.

And lovely hands they were. Sarah had dolled up this evening for some reason. She wore what could only be described as a cross between a summer weight sun dress and a little black dress. It was black, but it had gossamer like butterflies and flower embossed or stitched or whatever into the nearly see through like mesh of the base material. Oh, she had on some sort of slip under it perhaps so as not to show her undergarments. Well…save for the recalcitrant bra strap that kept sliding down her right shoulder as she stirred this pot or lifted that pan. Her sturdy shoulders topping her lithe dancer like arms with those strong but beautiful Mediterranean heritage hands with the blood red nails.

Skinny she was not, but I hesitate to say that she was a big girl as she really wasn’t. Oh, sure she had a little bit of a tummy, but then a lot of women over forty tend to have a bit of a softness there. Her hips were wide but not exaggeratedly so. Her backside was maybe a little bigger than she was when she was younger the curves were in all the right places and pleasantly distributed to say the least.

Sarah’s face was full and had the Mediterranean features common to her Italian heritage. Dark eyes, dark hair of her eyebrows… and even a few recurring hairs on her upper lip that she groomed religiously, tweezing and plucking whenever one showed itself. You’d think maybe that she was hairy, but she most assuredly was not. In fact, something I learned over the time we knew each other, she had practically no hair on her legs what so ever. And what was there was so silky and fine as to be invisible anyway.

Oh, but that massive head of hair was abundant, and thick as it was silky. She claimed to have never colored it, except for one Halloween where she tried to die it red for a costume. She said it didn’t turn out right so she never tried again. Normally that thick black mane would fall gracefully about her shoulders and almost down the middle of her back by her shoulder blades… except when she was cooking.

Sarah was indeed in her own little world as she focused on her cooking. She must have been listening to some music in her head as she was rocking her hips and stepping from one foot to the other in a swaying motion that was mesmerizing even to me. The swaying caused the bottom of her dress to… well… sway with the motion. The little head bobs and twitches just drew my eyes to her lovely bare neck as she had her thick silky black hair pulled into a loose bun on the back of her head to keep it out of her face and off her neck apparently. No, her neck wasn’t bare, there was a very fine gold chain, almost a thread really, on which her tiny gold crucifix was hung and dangling down into her modest but very apparent cleavage. This dress was very flattering and very… eye catching I thought to myself.

Sarah must have sensed that she was being ogled, I know she already knew that I had arrived as I had announced myself as I came in the front door. Even if she was so absorbed in her cooking, I know she was aware. She half turned and glanced over her shoulder in a very coquettish way. Her lips were pursed and her brows knit but there was a sparkle in her dark almost obsidian black eyes as she locked them on my own. She held that look for maybe a heartbeat or two then she smiled at me and those red glossed lips turned up at the corners baring her dazzling white teeth. I noticed that here was a little speck of something on her right cheek just an inch or so to the right of her lips. Apparently, there had been a splash of some sauce or something and she was not aware of it.

“Hi Jim… dinner’s almost ready, you’re right on time! Oh! You brought wine! Thank You! I’ll have Dave get out some glasses. DAVE!” She raised her voice to be heard over the TV in the other room.

“I’m on it!” Dave replied equally loud in the den as the sound of his recliner being closed up and him rising from it punctuated his statement.

Dave brushed against my left shoulder nudging me with his right arm as he moved to drop his empty long neck into the trash bin beside me next to the fridge.

“Duty calls…” He mumbled to me.

“What was that?” Sarah asked brusquely giving him a suspicious glare.

“I said Beauty calls.” Dave responded with a smile.

Sara gave him a smirk then smiled and turned back to her stove. Dave turned to me, his eyebrows both raised as he blew out a silent “whew” and then winked at me before reaching into a cabinet over the sink to get out four wine glasses. I took note of the number as it was one more than just the three needed for… well… the three of us. I smiled and shook my head wearily… Sarah was at it again.

“So, what’s her name?” I asked with a resigned but good-natured smile. Sarah turned to me as if I had pinched her on the ass or something.

“Wha… What? What do you mean Jim?” Sarah asked feigning surprise and innocence.

Dave looked down at his two hands holding four wine glasses and realized that he had slipped up and let the cat out of the bag. He grinned at me and bit his bottom lip and shook his head and made a quick exit into the dining room.

“Well… Sarah you are an amazing cook and I’d eat anything that you put in front of me but it looks like you pulled out all the stops tonight. What is that? Cacciatore? And that dress… WOW! I mean I like it don’t get me wrong but you rarely ever dress up for dinner with little ol’ me. So, you must have another guest coming to dinner as well…” I said with a knowing grin.

Sarah actually blushed a little before she snapped out of it and tried to revert to her false innocence… Raising one eyebrow and glaring at me suspiciously out of the corners of her eyes as she split her attention between me and the stove. I couldn’t take it any more so I added.

“And Dave got out four wine glasses for the three of us…” I all but giggled.

“DAVE! Damn it! You promised you would help make it a surprise!” She shouted towards the dining room as she stomped one shapely leg with her high heeled foot. She shook her head and mumbled under her breath as she diligently stirred her sauce pot.

“Sorry love.” Dave sounded meekly from the dining doorway as he stepped back into the kitchen.

I raised both bottles of wine and handed them to him. He took them with a smile and retreated once more into the dining room. I walked over to the stove behind Sarah and leaned over and kissed her bare right shoulder where it meets her graceful and bare neck.

“Thank you, Sarah. Really, but you don’t have to try to fix me up with anyone. I’m okay. I’ll play nice though… this time. You saucy wench you!” I spoke softly near her ear and she leaned back into me for a moment and sighed before returning her attention to her cooking and bit her bottom lip.

“Anything I can do to help?” I asked, taking a half step back to give her room.

“Pull the breadsticks out of the oven for me… let me move out of the way first, grab those oven mitts the pan is hot.” She said lightly, smiling like I’d given her a gift.

I grabbed the oven mitts and slipped them on and after Sarah stepped aside and pulled the oven door open, I reached in and grabbed the baking sheet and pulled the hot breadsticks out of the oven. Sarah closed the oven door behind me and motioned me over to the counter beside the stove where there was a waiting basket for them. I held the pan with one hand and she removed the oven mitt from my free hand so that I could transfer the bread to the basket. While she took her pasta pot to the sink to pour through a colander.

“Okay… so what’s her name? Gonna give me a little background to work with or do I have to play twenty questions with this mystery girl?” I queried Sara as she tried to stay busy and avoid my resigned if questioning looks towards her.

Sarah just bit her bottom lip and shrugged her shoulders as she drained the pasta and moved it into a serving dish. Her furtive glances at me told me that she was dying to start talking but I had to play the game first. Dave came back into the kitchen intent on grabbing another long neck from the fridge and he looked between Sarah and me and back still biting his lip but grinning like a Cheshire cat. I gave him a pleading look with my arms out and hand palm up in supplication. Dave just chuckled silently to himself and shrugged as he nodded towards Sarah as he slinked back out of the kitchen to the den.

“Jim… She’s a nice girl. Give her a chance… please? For me?” Sarah said as she shuffled over to stand in front of me holding the serving dish full of pasta ready to be taken to the dining table.

“Does this ‘nice’ girl have a name?” I pressed even as I reached out to relieve her of the porcelain pasta dish.

“It’s Francine… but her friends call her Franky.” Sarah said with a smile, her big dark eyes literally sparkling with glee.

“And…” I prodded as I slowly headed towards the dining room with the pasta. Sarah grabbed a bundle of silverware and napkins and the basket of bread sticks and followed me grinning from ear to ear.

“Franky is a red head…” Sarah teased, knowing that I had a penchant for redheads that even I couldn’t explain.

“Sarah… you’re killing me! What are you NOT telling me?” I all but begged as I gripped the back of one of the dining room chairs after having deposited the serving dish of pasta in the middle of the table.

Sarah fussed around the other side of the table setting out napkins and silverware at each place setting all the while grinning but avoiding looking directly at me. UGH! This was like pulling teeth. I could hear Dave chuckle from the other room, he thought it was hilarious that someone other than him was getting “the treatment.” When Sarah got around to the place setting behind which I was standing, she put the napkin and silverware down then turned to me. Looking me straight in the eyes she lifted and wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned her head in to touch my forehead with hers.

“Jim, I don’t expect you to fall in love with her but give her a chance, she really is a sweet girl. She’s lonely like you…” she stopped when I pulled my head back and squinted my eyes at her giving what could almost be called a grimace.

“Sarah… I’m not lonely. I have lots of friends and I… well I do okay now and then… but I’m not lonely.” I admonished her softly so as not to sound too harsh or bitter.

To her credit, Sarah didn’t laugh outright, but she did raise one eyebrow questioningly and turn her head slightly to one side affecting that sidelong look that some women have perfected and use when they are doubtful of something a man says but lets him have a little more rope before saying anything.

“Some things you will have to ask her… be nice though… she really is a” and I cut her off by finishing the sentence for her…

“… a nice girl… yeah you’ve told me that already. Just like you told me about Tammy, and Denise, and what was that other girl’s name… the one with the lazy eye?” I gave her my doubtful look again as she started giggling and took my hand to lead me back to the kitchen.

As luck would have it, there was knock at the front door. We heard Dave whoosh and rise from his recliner to answer the door… even though it was open and only the screen door barring anyone from just walking right in. We heard Dave say hi and tell Franky to come on in. Sarah turned to me, her eyes bright but almost pleading again. Her smile was both hopeful and a little uncertain.

“Please Jim… give her a chance… for me.” She pleaded in a whisper as she looked into my eyes. Her hands were on each of my arms at the elbows.

“I’ll play nice Sarah… for you.” I said with a smile.

Sara smiled brightly and leaned in and gave me a peck on the cheek. And then she was off going around the corner to the den to meet Franky. I heard that girly gleeful squeal that girls (women even) do when they meet sometimes. Franky had not come empty handed, she had brought what she thought would be a fitting desert, a tiramisu. Sure, it was made at a grocery store bakery maybe but it was still thoughtful. Sarah made a fuss over it, embarrassing Franky.

My first impression and sight of her was an almost orange head of curls coming around the corner elbow locked with Sara. Franky was red in the face from embarrassment but still looked pleased at the reception. I was leaning up against the kitchen counter at the sink, my legs crossed casually in front of me, I had one hand resting on the counter top edge and the other holding a glass of ice water having just taken a sip as they were coming into the room. Franky kind of paused uncertainly upon seeing me and darted a glance to Sarah.

Apparently, Franky was just as surprised at having a fourth for dinner as I had been. Hmmm… the plot thickens. I half lifted my glass in a silent toast of welcome and smiled nonchalantly tilting my head a little questioningly myself. I looked at Sarah who was smiling from ear to ear, even if sheepishly as she looked back and forth between Franky and myself trying to figure out how to begin and make introductions. I should have let her sweat a little longer but I took pity on her… or maybe just wanted to get a hand in this before it got… well… out of hand.

“Hi… Franky, is it? I’m Jim… and I was as surprised as you are that there would be… other guests… for dinner tonight. I hope you will forgive our sneaky little hostess, she really does mean well… I think.” I spoke warmly with a soft almost bashful smile for Franky.

Sarah glared holes through me for about two seconds then rolled her eyes and took a deep breath before she turned to Franky holding her by the elbows much as she had just done to me a few moments ago. With her head hanging down bashfully or maybe sheepishly would better describe the look. Sarah looked up hesitantly at Franky while biting her lower lip and started grinning despite herself.

“Francine… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that Jim would be joining us tonight. I wanted to surprise the both of you… really. I love you both and I think that maybe… just maybe… you two might grow to like each other as well.” Sarah spoke softly and ended with a bit of a pout still looking sheepish.

From the den Dave called out loudly… “I don’t hear any dishes being thrown or breaking in there. Is everyone okay? Is it time to eat yet?” He ended with a loud chuckle.

Sarah took a deep breath and rolled her neck as well as her eyes as she released Franky’s arms and raised her hands to the heavens as if to say “Why Me God? Why ME?” But what she said was “PUT A SOCK IN IT DAVE!” then huffed out a breath before turning back to Franky and smiling apologetically, she raised both eyebrows questioningly and shrugged cutely. Franky looked over at me and squinted suspiciously at first till she saw me chuckling silently then she smiled a closed mouth smile taking a deep breath herself and nodded to Sarah and returned her shrug as if to say “Okay, I’m game.” Sarah BEAMED and almost jumped in place clapping her hands like a little girl on Christmas morning. Almost… what she did was kind of bob a little in place and whispered “Thank you Franky…” before snapping into full on Italian mom mode at dinner time.

“Jim, grab that bowl of salad out of the fridge, Franky let’s put your desert in the fridge for now. Here, some matches for the candles. DAVE! Come here! I need you to carry the cacciatore to the table! I’ll just pour this sauce into the tureen for the pasta. DAVE! NOW!” Franky and I both just looked at each other and started giggling silently. “MOVE PEOPLE!” Sara commanded… and we moved.

I followed Franky into the dining room. Yeah, I couldn’t help but to check out my dinner date. She was not exactly slim but she was trim and…well… sturdy. I like the way her ample hips flowed into shapely legs and a fairly nice back side from what I could discern even though it was well covered by her light summer sun dress. Franky wore some lacy tie up sandals that wrap or weave up the legs to just under the knee, they had what looked like wedge heels made of cork or something. I thought it was kind of cute how her toenail polish was almost the same color as her hair. That’s accessorizing! So too where her delicate looking fingernails.

Indeed, there were candles, off on a side table I set the salad down on the side table and I was followed by Dave who had the casserole dish with the cacciatore in both oven mitt covered hands. He set it down on the side table on a trivet. Sarah came in with the tureen of sauce which she set on the dining table next to the pasta dish. I opened first the red wine, at Sarah’s request, she said it would go better with the salad and antipasto. And we all took our seats.

Sara and Dave sat across the table from one another and that meant that Francine and I would be doing likewise. I had pulled out Sarah’s chair for her to sit earning myself a smile and getting a dagger sharp glare from her towards Dave. I also reached and pulled out Franky’s chair as well. This seemed to confuse Franky for a moment… I guess not many guys have ever done that for her. I keep running into these situations… I guess I’m archaic with my manners at times. Things I was taught as a youngster and stuck with me into adulthood seem to be strange to so many. Like holding doors for strangers, or pulling out a chair for a lady. Franky did sit and smiled uncertainly at me before glancing at Sarah. How is that women seem to be able to have entire conversations with just a silent look or a couple of facial expressions? I’ll never understand them, I think.

Dinner was off to a cautious start. The antipasto was wonderful the salad okay, I guess. I didn’t have too much of either, not because it wasn’t good but because I knew that Sarah had at least two more courses to go and then there was desert at the end as well. I think Franky was a lot more nervous than she let on as she too hardly ate much of the first course or salad.

Sarah kept the conversation light even badgering Dave now and them to get his opinion on one thing or another. Sara, and Dave when prompted, extolled my friendship to them for Franky’s benefit, telling her about how I help out so much with little repair projects or working on their car. Sarah had to make a fuss about my cooking too. Franky seemed a little impressed at that seeing as she, like I, practically worshiped Sarah’s cooking skills. If Sarah said someone was a good cook, the statement had some weight.

I managed to put forth a question now and then to Franky about where she was from, what she did for a living, what kind of interests she had or hobbies maybe. I found out that she too was on the local bulletin board scene with her computer. We talked a little about different boards that we both frequented and some of the users on them. I gave as much information as I received of course. I discovered that Franky was a transplant, like Sarah and Dave but she was originally from Ohio rather than New Jersey. I had a momentary pang of conscience at hearing that as I remembered someone else in my life that also had moved from Ohio to Kentucky and… well… I have to just remember the joy and move on and not dwell on that line of thought. Sarah must have seen a look on my face or something as she looked at me silently questioning if I was okay. I smiled weakly and shrugged and returned to the conversation at hand.

While we were all having some of the pasta and bread sticks, I made a remark on something that Dave had said about Sarah’s fear of driving here locally, being a kid from New Jersey she was much more accustomed to traveling by train or bus. I forget what I cracked wise about but it got chuckles and laughs from the whole table… including Sarah. But what was revealing, to me anyway was that Franky finally smiled showing her teeth… and the gap between her front teeth. Now it’s not as bad as you might think, yeah there was a gap, a significant gap, but it wasn’t all that unattractive. However, I realized that Franky was very self-conscious about it.

I also determined that Franky’s hair color was indeed natural and not bottle born. Her eyebrows were even rusty red. I think she had lots of freckles on her fair skin as well but they were very well camouflaged by her make up. Her eyes… I don’t know how I missed them the first time I saw her as she entered the kitchen with Sarah. I mean I did I guess, they just didn’t register in my mind at that moment, but now, sitting across the table from her eating dinner I could see that they were a pale gray… almost silver really. There was an intelligence in them that I could appreciate… and something more…. something familiar. A nagging thought tugging at the back of my subconscious trying to take hold of my attention and come to the forefront of my awareness.

I tried not to stare or be creepy but I studied Franky’s eyes as much as I could. I was fascinated by their color and coolness… and warmth. Wait… warmth? And there it was. I looked to Dave and he was oblivious to most goings on at the table, only responding when prompted and pretty much just watching his plate and his food as he ate. Sara was in her element, she talked and joked and engaged all of us singly and as a group… even throwing daggers at Dave with her eyes but still being civil to him as we ate and talked. But watching Franky I more or less confirmed my suspicions after noting her eyes.

Franky would glance at me or Dave… briefly in Dave’s case, hesitantly and uncertain in my case… but when she looked at Sarah. Well… there was more than just a little warmth in her silver-gray eyes then. I would imagine that when Franky looked at Sarah all the rest of the world sort of faded into the background and there might very well have been music playing in her mind. Franky was infatuated with Sarah… I suspected it went a lot deeper than merely friendship… perhaps a secret longing and desire to be far closer than friends with our lovely dark-haired hostess. Yeah, she hung on Sarah’s every word… she was… hmm… I’ll not call it outright but I strongly suspect that Franky and I would never be much more than friends.

That realization was a bit of a turning point for me that evening. I really relaxed as I knew I was not going to play at winning over miss Francine… I probably didn’t stand a chance if I did anyway, but that’s fine. I have been aware of and comfortable with people with alternative lifestyles and sexual orientations for most of my adult life. I really am open minded and happy to let others be happy with their own desires. Some of my dearest and oldest friends shared my interests in the fairer sex, even if they themselves were of that same gender. The fact that it didn’t bother me and I didn’t judge them for their own inclinations earned me respect and acceptance amongst them.

The pasta was filling and quite tasty but the cacciatore was magnificent. Even Dave had to praise Sarah for this dish. Franky seemed to almost be orgasmic as she savored every bite… I had to agree with her though as it truly was something to write about. Sarah was beside herself that all of us raved about it. That and what she thought was a winning match maker play between Francine and myself. I was almost sorry that I would have to burst her bubble… sometime… but not tonight. I would let her soak in her joy and happiness for now. Dave, still oblivious to it all but seemed to sense something was up as he gave me a curious look on the sly. I looked at him and shrugged but only a half-smile that he inferred as a “Thanks but not really.”

Dave and I rose when the girls seemed to be finished with the main course. I gathered some of the plates and dishes to help clear the table. Dave carried the leftovers, which there was very little of actually to the kitchen while the girls sat and talked over their wine. I made a second trip to the dining room to get the salad bowl and bread basket as Dave got out some smaller plates for the desert. Sarah and Franky were head-to-head whispering conspiratorially and giggling. How much of that was from the wine and how much was from what they were discussing is beyond me.

When I came back into the dining room carrying the tiramisu that Franky had brought, Dave or Sarah one had placed the candles from the side table to the main dining table and lit them. Dave was just turning down the overhead lights as I set the desert on the table in front of Sarah. She went on fawning over the desert for Franky’s benefit I’m sure but it was cut and served. Sarah couldn’t let the opportunity pass though, she had to say something.

“A toast…” She said raising her wine glass, the white wine glistening in the candle light as she smiled and looked between the rest of us, Franky, myself and even Dave.

“To good friends…” She offered.

We all lifted our glasses in agreement and assented with “here… here” or the same words she had spoken “To good friends.” And then we all drank… and began eating desert.

I watched Franky and her eyes. They really were very lovely in the candlelight… I smiled sadly to myself thinking that it would have been nice to get to know what made those beautiful eyes shine so brightly but I knew in my heart that they would not have shone for me… oh well… To each his… or her… own. It was getting late by the time we polished off the last of the wine. I thanked Sarah and Dave for inviting me to dinner and praised Sarah yet again for her fantastic meal. I also, begrudgingly thanked her for setting me up to meet miss Francine. She truly was a lovely young lady and I was happy to make her acquaintance.

Francine too, decided it would be time for her to depart as well. She too thanked our guests and even thanked me for a wonderful dinner conversation. We both offered to help clean up but Sarah would hear nothing of it. She happily shooed the two of us out of the dining room, walking with us to the den and the front door. Sarah and Franky hugged as only two friends can… but I detected, again, a little more in Franky’s enjoyment of it. I think she noticed that I had noticed as well but seemed to relax when I surreptitiously winked at her. Then it was my turn for the Sarah hug. Yeah, it has its own name… as it should. When Sarah hugs it’s a HUG! The woman is not bashful in the least, and oh my, the woman has softness and curves and charms all her own that just… just feel so good when she throws that hug on you. I had to sigh when she released me and I know I was blushing a bit too.

Francine picked up on this as well. Not surprising to me really as she was quite fixated on Sarah to begin with. I merely smiled at her sheepishly and gave that little head tilt and micro shrug. I asked if I could walk her to her car… mostly for Sarah’s benefit but also because I wanted to talk to Franky in private for a moment. She accepted, I think because she too wanted to bend my ear for a moment as well. We said our goodbyes to Dave and Sarah as we walked out to the street and to our cars.

We strolled along casually, in no hurry, almost touching at our hips but maintaining a comfortable distance as almost strangers might. I could feel Sarah’s eyes on the back of my neck, probably peeping out of the kitchen window over the sink… probably too, with her fingers crossed. I had to chuckle at that thought.

“What’s so funny?” Franky asked curiously.

“Sarah.” I said as if that explained everything.

“Sarah? What’s so funny about Sarah?” Franky asked guardedly. I could almost feel her tensing even though we weren’t even touching one another.

“Yeah, she’s got such a big heart… and big dreams.” I said clarifying my thoughts a bit for Franky.

‘Nothing wrong with dreams.” She said a little wistfully.

“No, nothing wrong with dreams, I guess. As long as you don’t put too many hopes in them, they can be disappointing when they don’t pan out the way you had hoped or… dreamed.” I said a little cryptically.

“It sounds like you’ve been disappointed before Jim.” Franky said as she turned and leaned her cute backside against the driver side door of her car, folding her arms across her chest, just under her modest but nicely proportioned breasts.

“You would be correct. Still though I try not to rain on everyone else’s parade. She is such a sweet lady I really don’t want to hurt her.” I confessed. Waiting to see if perhaps Franky would offer up more.

“You know, don’t you?” Franky asked softly after a moment or two. I pondered for a moment before responding. I could easily say something that would hurt her or anger her but I didn’t want to do that. Still though I knew I had to say something, to at least let her know that it might be a waste of her time.

“Franky… What you feel and who you feel it for is your business only. Well… yours and whomever you choose to share it with I suppose. I’m not judging you in any way. It’s cool by me, really…” I offered in way of an olive branch with a sincere and steady voice.

“But…?” She asked waiting for a little more clarification perhaps.

“But… Sarah has no clue that you are into her far more than she… would be… towards you. I’m not saying she doesn’t like you, that’s obvious, she adores you… but not the way you do her. Of course, I could be wrong. There’s a possibility that she might take a liking to… the fairer sex… but I have never gotten that vibe from her.” I said trying to make the point but not be too harsh about it.

Franky hung her head and was silent for an almost uncomfortable amount of time. I could see her fingers flexing and flicking at her elbows as she ruminated over what I had just said, and perhaps replaying other conversations with Sarah in her head. After a while she looked up at me as I stood there in front of her with my hands in my back pockets, my head tilted down almost sheepishly as I chewed the inside of my cheeks while she contemplated what I had said.

“So, what now?” Franky asked with resignation.

“I don’t know Franky, that’s up to you. I’m not warning you off or telling you not to pursue anything I’m just giving you a heads up. I love Sarah too as a very dear friend and I wouldn’t want to see her get hurt… and I wouldn’t want to see you get hurt either really. I can’t fault you for your interest. Hell, if she weren’t married, I’d be chasing her too… probably. More likely she’d be chasing whoever took her fancy.” I said in a conspiratorial voice, not quite a whisper.

Franky actually laughed out loud at that. She then shook her head and took a deep breath. Interesting things happen when she takes a deep breath… her chest rises… I sighed and shook my own head a little sadly but grinned at her all the same.

“Jim, it really was nice to meet you. You’re…unique.” She said lightly as she leaned a little to one side to look past me and grinned at me when she looked back at me.

“I get that a lot… and what are you grinning at? I just burst your bubble and you’re smiling?” I asked curiously myself.

“I think Sarah’s watching us… I saw the curtains in the window moving.” She said with a little mischief in her voice now.

“Yeah, I’ve felt her eyes on us since we stepped off the porch a few minutes ago. You know she really is trying to fix us up together… which tells me she has no clue as to your…interests.” I said with a raised eyebrow.

“You say you love her too?” Franky asked giving me a bit of a sidelong glance with those silvery gray eyes of hers. It was almost mesmerizing.

“Y… yeah. I mean like a friend, or even family maybe. I’m not romantically inclined to her but that is probably because my conscience keeps me from taking too much interest in married women… or tries to at least. I’ve slipped before but those were different circumstances… Why?” I finally askes, my curiosity getting the better of me at that moment.

Franky stood up from where she was leaning against her car and stepped closer to me. She unfolded her arms and brought her hands to my elbows. Standing toe to toe with me she looked up slightly and then twisted a bit to my right side to peek over my shoulder again towards the kitchen window to see if she could see Sarah peeping. Sarah smiled devilishly and licked her lips. That was… wow… interesting.

Turning back to me, looking up into my eyes Franky winked and said softly to follow her lead. She slipped her hands from my elbows to my waist and wrapped her arms around me pulling herself a little closer to me. My own arms responded without my even thinking about it as they wrapped themselves around Franky’s warm inviting frame.

“I know you’re not a girl, Jim, but I have a feeling you have been kissed by one a time or two. Am I right?” She stated more than asked as she moved her face closer towards my own.

Our faces tilted slightly as our noses brushed alongside one another and with her eyes wide open, those intriguingly beautiful eyes… our lips met in a soft collision. It was tentative at best. Not cold or rushed but there was no fiery spark there either. There was as warmth and sensuousness that I’ve shared a time or two with others in my life, sure it was pleasant. Yet I knew, somehow, that this was all for show… for Sarah’s benefit. No tongue, no heavy petting, not even breathlessness. Just a sweet innocent… okay…not so innocent maybe… kiss between to consenting adults. It was sensual and very enjoyable but then I’ve always loved to kiss and be kissed by a beautiful girl. Oh hell, who am I kidding, most any girl really, even one who has no interests in men whatsoever.

Over my shoulder, we heard some frantic sounding whispering coming from the darkened kitchen window. I suspect that Sarah was beckoning for Dave to come see what was going on. It was Franky that broke the kiss first. She couldn’t help herself from smiling as she turned her head and laid it on my left shoulder, mostly to have a peek in the direction of the window. I was almost overwhelmed. The feel of a warm vibrant, and yes, attractive woman pressed closely against my own body… the swell of her breasts pressing into my chest, the feel of her arms about me and her soft face lying on my shoulder and neck… if I didn’t know better it would be very easy to be swept away.

“Thank you for playing along, Jim.” Franky whispered softly into my ear and then she stood up straight and pulled back, even if a little reluctantly. She looked a little sheepish as she smiled at me and glanced furtively at my face and eyes. In the back of my mind, I heard a little voice telling me “Yeah buddy, this one still has feelings for guys too… sometimes.”

“My pleasure Francine.” I deliberately responded with her given name. Letting her know that I admired the WOMAN that she is as well as the person she chooses to be.

“I’m sure Sarah got a thrill out of that little show. Thank you for that. You didn’t have to do that you know.” I said softly but meaning every word.

“I know, but… I like her… maybe it’s just infatuation and not really love but if it made her happy to see us… together, even if only for a few minutes, then it was worth it. Besides… you’re not a bad kisser buddy.” She smiled as she teased me a bit. Wrapping her left arm across her body under her breasts again to hold her right arm at the elbow while her right hand idly ran up and down my left arm as my hands were still resting lightly on her hips.

“You know, Sarah has tried to set me up before… and I’m sure she will again… but I’m kind of glad I at least got to meet you Franky. You’re alright. And you know what?” I asked baiting her a little.

“What?” She responded turning her head a little to one side suspiciously.

“Preferences and inclinations as they might be… if you ever want to dabble on the other side of the fence, I’d be happy to lend you, my lips.” I said smiling and softened it with a wink. “I could always use some practice, I’m a little rusty.” I added.

“Rusty?” Franky barked out as a laugh. “If that’s rusty… well…” She shivered slightly bringing her right arm across her waist to grab her left arm at the elbow. “Hmmmm… I’ll make sure I get your number from Sarah… that’ll make her think that her plan is working… you know…” She said a little sheepishly again but was smiling brightly and that gap in her front teeth peeked out for a moment.

“Goodnight, Franky.” I said with a smile as I started to turn to walk to my own car.

“Jim… wait…” Franky called out almost urgently in a whispering voice. I turned back to her.

“Yes?” I asked quietly.

“You… you won’t tell her… will you?” Franky asked humbly maybe even a little worried, the look in her eyes was definitely of concern.

“No Franky, your secret is safe with me. That’s up to you and her. If you want to come out to her and let her know how you feel that’s your business. I really wasn’t warning you off, I just didn’t want to see anyone get hurt over misunderstandings or mixed emotions. You know Sarah likes you for you… maybe only as a friend, and in a way that sucks. I know… I’ve been there many times myself, but it’s still something. It’s up to you to decide if you want more and what you are willing to risk to go for it. Bear in mind though, she is married and despite how they carry on a lot of the time those two in there really do love one another… I hope you find something like that with someone too… I hope I find something like that for myself someday… again.” I said and felt a lump growing in my throat as unbidden memories came rushing to mind. I shook my head to clear the haze and smiled, if somewhat sadly, at Franky and nodded to her acknowledging her plight.

Franky stood there searching my eyes and I guess she found nothing but the truth that I had offered her. She sighed heavily and shrugged her shoulders resignedly before setting her pretty face into a disappointed smirk and turning to open her driver side car door. Over her right shoulder she turned to me once more and hung her head for a moment then spoke again.

“Thank you, Jim. I get the feeling that took a lot for you to just say. Listen… if you ever need someone to talk to… I mean I know we’ve just met but… seriously. I’m a good listener. Just saying.” She smiled warmly this time and shrugged again then turned to get into her car.

I Smiled in return and gave her a half-hearted wave as I resumed my short trek to my own car. After I got in and started the engine, I could see the curtains in Dave and Sarah’s kitchen window move a bit.

“The show is over Sarah” I thought to myself as I put my car in gear and drove away towards home.

Home was not far from Dave and Sarah’s duplex, only a couple of blocks away. It’s one of the reasons I hung out with them as much as I did, they were close, both as friends and by location. Usually when I got off work at the plant, I didn’t feel up to going anywhere or doing much of anything but since they lived so close it wasn’t much of a hassle. I really enjoyed their company.

I had met the two online at one of the bulletin boards that I frequented here in town, Night Friends. Over the years I had met many good people and made many close friends. Dave was a character in the trivia chat room, and pretty damned good at the trivia game itself… Sarah was not so much into the game but she did like to talk. Oh, my lord, did she like to talk! But then, so did I. We talked a lot online before we ever met in person. It was at one of the bulletin board get togethers that we had every so often, that I finally met them in person. Everyone met at a local eatery to socialize and have dinner.

When I met them, I really took a liking to them. I mean I was already friends with them online but in person we all just seemed to click. The first time I looked into Sarah’s big dark eyes I knew that I would be seeing a lot more of her, it was a connection that can’t be explained really… just a feeling. I got the impression that she needed someone to talk to… in depth, and not just about the weather or trivia or mundane stuff like that. We exchanged phone numbers that first meeting and it wasn’t long before we were sharing dinners and playing cards and other things that friends do.

Of course, having someone to talk to finally was a blessing for Sarah. She and Dave had transplanted from New Jersey to Kentucky because of Dave’s work. Dave seemed to be able to make friends with most anyone so he didn’t have any problems, but Sarah felt like she was on a deserted island with her only outlet being online at the bulletin board, and what few customers she spoke with at the pharmacy that she worked at part time. So, when they befriended me and she found that I had a willing ear to listen she finally began to shine. We would talk for hours on the phone, often after I got home from work in the mornings as I worked nights at the time. I would lay in bed and listen… and talk some, but mostly just listen.

All of my life I’ve had this thing about me, well, all of my life from say junior high school on anyway. People I knew would talk to me. I mean really open up and tell me stuff about them and their lives that I had no business knowing or need to know for that matter. I know I have an open mind and I try not to judge anyone for most anything really but why they feel they can or need to tell me stuff, private, stuff, personal stuff… I’ll never understand. So, I wasn’t the least bit surprised when Sarah opened up to me and before long, I was being told her deepest darkest secrets. Her fears, her concerns, her hopes and dreams.

Unasked and unsought, I learned that Sarah had been abused as a young girl by a family member no less. It had scarred her for life. She had self-esteem issues that she struggled mightily to overcome. I learned that she had had a miscarriage as a teenager… a pregnancy that was a result of having been raped. She had no idea who it was that had attacked her but still, losing the child cut into her soul. She turned to drinking and drugs for many years, going so far as to sell her body to be able to get her fixes. She had contemplated suicide more than once. Dark days in her life indeed. But then she met Dave.

They both worked together at the post office, for a while. She found a caring soul and a man she could love in Dave, and he was head over heels in love with her as well. They did get married. They had plans for starting a family. Sarah had cleaned up by this time of course, she had been clean and sober for two years before meeting Dave and still straight all these years later. Unfortunately, she found that she could not bear children. That was one of her biggest regrets, not being able to give Dave any children.

Over the months that followed our meeting and becoming friends, I had enjoyed many a wonderful meal with Dave and Sarah. I found that Sarah was an amazing cook, especially all things Italian. Of course, she being of Italian heritage and having grown up with superb cooks like her own mother and grandmother, it was a no brainer that she too would have such skill. Sarah was delighted to try to teach me how to make many of the dishes and she was also quite impressed that I was something of a decent cook myself. Often, we would work together making dinner for the three of us, sometimes it would be Dave and I making dinner… on the grill anyway… and giving Sarah the night off. That was usually on the nights that Sarah had to work at the pharmacy.

It was during those times when Dave and I were alone that he dug a little deeper into my background. Sure, there was the superficial stuff like where I grew up and where’d I go to school that kind of thing, but also more in depth like past relationships and the like. I didn’t go into a lot of detail as that was far too painful for me to revisit some parts of my life as it was. I didn’t need to break down and lose it. I guess he was intuitive enough to see or sense when I would get a little choked up and would often change the subject to something lighter.

As it was though, Dave learned that I had indeed been deeply in love twice in my adult life, both times ending tragically unfortunately. I admitted that I was very hesitant to invest myself like that again but that I had found the company of a few ladies over the years and I wasn’t complaining even if there were dry spells now and then. Meeting people online had really opened up the door to several opportunities. I didn’t mention anyone in particular but I implied that several of our friends on the bulletin board we shared, were quite close indeed… from time to time.

Often dating, as it were, is next to impossible when you get down to logistics. If one works a full-time job, and your person of interest also works full time, unless you share similar schedules, it can be problematic. That I work nights makes that doubly problematic. So, potential relationships often die on the vine so to speak. I was aware of it, Dave learned of it and of course shared everything, I would assume, with Sarah… so she was aware of my predicament as well. This is why she took such pains and joy in trying to fix me up, I think.

I don’t know for certain, but I think Sarah spoke with several of the friends I had mentioned online at Night Friends. No matter how old I get I’m always reminded of a few simple facts of life… like GIRLS TALK. It’s like an intelligence network or something. Secrets get shared, plans get made, and… and… Oh hell I don’t know what else… anything and EVERYTHING. Plain and simple Girls gotta talk and Girls are GONNA talk. So, I know for a fact that she learned things about me that Dave had not garnered from his private conversations with me while we waited on her to get home from work.

Sarah wasn’t the only one finding things out though. I have always been something of a people watcher. I guess it stemmed partly from my being so shy most of my younger life. I learned to observe people. I learned to spot clues and cues in body language as well as outward appearances that didn’t seem to mesh with how a person acted or spoke. I didn’t have to try too hard to find or notice clues but I sensed early on that even though there was no doubt that Sarah and Dave loved one another dearly there was something missing. I didn’t think it was my business though so I never mentioned it or asked about it from either of them. They were my friends after all, and that was private unto them only. I did hope they would work things out though.

I had to wonder however, if perhaps this obsession of Sarah’s with trying to fix me up might be some sort of unconscious compensation for her own problems. I did appreciate her well-meaning and knew her heart was in the right place but I was starting to tire of her efforts all the same. I realized that I was going to have to have a serious talk with her at some point. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings but really. I sighed internally at the thought.

It was almost two weeks after that last surprise blind date with an equally surprised Francine… er… Franky, before I had a night off that would allow me to have dinner again with Dave and Sarah. Oh, I had been over to their house a couple of times, once to pick Sarah up from work because her car battery was dead and Dave was out of town on a sales call. She often walked the two miles from home to the pharmacy and back after getting off work, but this time it had been raining and I was off so it was no problem for me.

Another time their washing machine had begun spewing water all over the laundry room… again, Dave had been out of town. He was due back that evening but it was an emergency. All it turned out to be was the drain hose had popped out of the wall mount. Not a hard fix. I was rewarded with hugs and kisses though all over my cheeks. I just shook my head and smiled and took my reward. Dave called to thank me later that evening as well.

The coals in the grill were hot and ready to begin cooking. Dave handed me another wine cooler as he came out with a plate full of franks and hamburgers to begin cooking. As I sat on the back porch of their duplex and watched the next-door neighbor washing her car, Dave smiled at me and winked. I had to grin, I had been busted, again.

“Well, I suppose it’s better that you caught me ogling your neighbor than Sarah.” I said with a shrug.

“Yeah, she’d be calling Vicky over to talk… and to introduce you two.” Dave said with a chuckle as he rolled some franks around with his tongs in one hand and holding a long neck in the other.

“I know she means well Dave, but really. Please tell me she’s not planning anything tonight.” I almost pleaded.

“Not to my knowledge, Jim. She’s still a little disappointed with the last time with Franky.” He said with a shrug turning back to the grill.

“Sarah thought that she had finally found someone for you that you liked. She was excited until she found out that you two didn’t work out after that first night.” Dave related.

“Franky… Francine… is a lovely girl, really, but I have far more in common with her than her interests in me.” I said in an aside. Dave turned to look at me with one eyebrow raised questioningly.

“What do you mean? I thought having common interests was a good thing.” Dave spoke.

“Well… girls for instance…” I said vaguely hoping Dave would pick up the hint without me spelling it out. But the blank look on his face told me I would have to elaborate further.

“Francine was far more interested in Sarah than in me.” I told Dave, still trying to let him pick up the hint.

“Francine… Uh Franky was interested in Sarah?” Dave asked still puzzled then I guess he finally caught on to what I was trying to say without coming right out and saying that Franky was gay. Both of Dave’s eyebrows shot up and his mouth formed a silent “OH” then he smirked and shook his head turning back to the grill again to flip some burgers.

“Dave… please don’t tell Sarah. I told Franky… Francine, that I wouldn’t say anything. She really is a nice girl… just a little different.” I all but pleaded of Dave. He gave me that closed mouth smile with a little shrug of his head and nodded. I guess he agreed that there was no sense in alarming Sarah over nothing.

“I can ask her to give it a rest with the match making too, but I wouldn’t hold your breath if I were you.” Dave said again with another shrug.

“Yeah, I figured I’d have to have a serious talk with her soon anyway. I mean I know she means well but I really don’t need any help finding someone Dave, honestly.” I lamented as I absentmindedly watched their neighbor… Vicky… as she leaned way out over the hood of her Honda, in her daisy dukes shorts and that now soaking wet halter top. I had to smile and shake my head. It was about this time that Dave and I both heard Sarah from the kitchen.

“Where is everyone?” Sarah shouted questioningly. “Could I get a hand with these groceries?” She added not so much asking as demanding. Dave took a deep breath and leaned his head back to stare at the heavens for a moment or two before his shoulders slumped. Turning to me he gave me an imploring look and a half smile. I took the hint, I mean, after all, he was tending the grill.

“Whose melodious voice was that I heard just now?” I asked teasingly as I stepped through the sliding glass doors from the deck into the dining room just off the kitchen.

“Oh, Hi Jim!” Sarah brightened smiling as she set down her purse and a couple of paper grocery sacks. “Come on, I’ve got a couple of more bags in the car.” She said as she turned on her heel and headed back out the door from the kitchen to the living room and to the front door.

I followed her, and couldn’t help but to notice the spring in her step. Was she in a good mood, or was she bubbling with anticipation over some unknown arrangement headed my way? Or could it be… no… not that, Sarah is head over heels in love with Dave, even if they do squabble and fuss like an old married couple. I shook my head to clear my thoughts of that line of thinking.

“I knew Dave was cooking burgers and dogs on the grill for dinner tonight but I thought we should have other things to eat as well, especially for dessert.” Sarah spoke conspiratorially as she handed me two bags from the trunk of their car, before grabbing the last one for herself. She closed the lid on the trunk and we walked back into the house and to the kitchen. She set down her bag and then took first one then the other from me.

“Dave pretty well has the grill under control, do you need a hand with anything in here?” I asked feeling like I should be contributing a little effort for dinner. Besides, it gave me an excuse to work on that little talk I was determined to have with Sarah about all these blind dates she kept trying to set me up with.

Sarah was taking items out of the grocery bags and organizing them on the counter space. She smiled at me and nodded in silent thanks… before leaning towards the dining room door to shout to Dave.

“How much longer out there, sweetie?” She then looked at me and added softly “I hope he’s not had too many beers yet or this salad might be dinner.” She smirked and then asked me to hand her the big salad bowl off the top of the fridge.

“Be just a couple of more minutes!” We heard Dave shout in return to answer Sarah’s question.

“Oh, Jim… hand me the Mayonnaise from the fridge too, and get the big wooden spoon and a knife. I’ll put you busy cutting up some fruit.” Sarah said as she was a flurry of motion and ingredients were being torn, broken or chopped and tossed into the salad bowl.

I was handed two apples, a pear, two bananas, and a bag of grapes and told to cut them into bite sized pieces. The grapes were to be cut in half. I dutifully did as I was told as I did the math in my head for the number of servings being prepared. I relaxed a little knowing that it was just about right for three people, instead of four.

With the fruit cut up and, in the bowl, Sarah took the wooden spoon and dolloped a spoonful or two of mayonnaise into the bowl as well. She grabbed some ground cinnamon from the cabinet and dusted the mixture a bit. She did the same with some ground Ginger, and nutmeg, before having me grab bottle of white wine out of the fridge. I pulled the cork back out of the half empty bottle and she splashed in about a half a cup of the vino into the bowl. A little stirring and a taste… The cute dark Italianesque face of my friend scrunched up as her eyes squinted shut as she pondered the flavors from the taste test. Then her eyes brightened and she smiled that dazzling bright smile of hers and said…

“It only needs one more thing… behind you in the second drawer down from the silverware… there’s a bag of mini marshmallows.” Sarah said… implying I should fetch them for her of course. And I did. I handed her the bag of marshmallows.

“Thank you, Jim.” She said as she opened the bag and began shaking mini marshmallows into the bowl. I stirred with the wooden spoon and watched Sarah’s face.

“Thank you.” I said softly. This puzzled Sarah and she stopped shaking marshmallows for a moment looking at me with her head tilted ever so slightly to one side as if to question why I said thank you.

“For what?” Sarah asked as she resumed shaking marshmallows from the bag but watching my face with furtive glances.

“For not trying to set me up with a new friend or a somebody you’ve met and thought I might like too…” I said politely and softly making the same sort of furtive glances at her as she was giving me. I actually saw her blush a little before she launched into a well-practiced speech.

“I’m only looking out for you Jim. Is it bad for me to want you to be happy? You’re too nice of a catch to let you go on alone and lonely…” She stopped talking as I reached out with the hand that was holding the salad bowl and stilled the hand that she was shaking marsh mallows out of the bag with.

“Sarah… thank you… I know you meant well, but please don’t. I’m okay, really. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean I’m unhappy. Lord, you sound like my mom sometimes!” I said with a laugh trying to soften the sting of my plea.

“Well, you mother is a smart woman, no doubt! She knows too that you should have someone by your side. Someone who loves you. You are too loveable to not have someone. You need a girl who’s going to make an honest man out of you.” She said with a grin and went back to making her salads.

After another taste test of the fruit salad, Sarah declared it good and asked me to set the bowl in the fridge to chill. A couple of carrots, shaved and a sliced-up cucumber completed the green salad before she reached for the olive oil and some balsamic vinegar and some honey. She poured a little of each into an empty salad dressing bottle then closed the cap and handed it to me to shake up. Dave came through the kitchen door with a plate of sizzling hot dogs and hamburgers.

Sarah put some salad into three small bowls and grabbed some silverware while Dave and I grabbed some paper plates and followed into the living room. Dave took his recliner and Sarah and I sat side by side on the sofa using the coffee table as our dining table. Burgers, chips, salad… it was a tasty dinner, the company was enjoyable as well, even if Dave was more wrapped up in the game on TV than participating in conversation. After we finished, I helped Sarah take the plates to the kitchen and we rinsed our bowls and refilled them with the now chilled fruit salad. Sarah handed me the three bowls and forks and turned to the fridge to pull another beer for Dave and a bottle of chilled white wine for the two of us. Bottles in one hand and two glasses in the other she followed me back to the living room.

Sarah set the bottle of wine down on the coffee table along with the two wine glasses, she took one bowl of fruit salad from me and a fork and handed Dave his beer and desert before sitting beside me on the sofa. She handed me the bottle in silent askance to open it for her. One thing I have to say about Dave and Sarah, they had good taste in beverages. This bottle of white was no exception. Not your low dollar plastic twist off cap, or even a metal twist off for that matter. This was a real deal cork with wire basket stopper much like you would find on Champagne or sparkling wines. Always the boy scout I had my Swiss Army knife out and the cork screw twisting in in a flash. I eased out the cork and smelled the open bottle before handing it back to Sarah.

“It’s worth the effort.” She told me as she poured two glasses of the crisp and slightly sweet white for the two of us.

“This should go well with the fruit then I would think.” I said as I sipped a palate full and swished like I knew what I was doing. Sarah grinned at me and rolled her eyes before taking a sip for herself.

“I don’t know, this beer goes pretty good with the salad if you ask me.” Dave said from his almost horizontal recliner as he tipped his long neck up for another draught.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Sarah making a bit of a smirk at his remark and shaking her head slightly as she raised her glass for another sip of the wine. Sarah once more apologized for the blind date she had most recently set up between Francine and myself. Again, I thanked her for caring and trying but asked her to please not do any more. Of course, she wanted to know more about what Francine and I had talked about and done on the two occasions that we had gone out together since that fateful night.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that Francine and I had talked mostly about her, Sarah. I couldn’t tell her how Francine had pined that she had thought that Sarah was interested in her. It was nice to find out that Francine and I had mutual friends in common other than just Sarah and Dave. While the alternative lifestyle numbers of which Francine was one of was growing ever larger in this town, I still knew quite a few of them from earlier in my life. I had promised Francine that I would keep her preference to myself as far as Sarah was concerned. I knew that while Francine would love to be more than just friends with her, she would still very much like to remain friends with Sarah anyway.

We talked about some of the other people we knew from Night Friends and the comings and goings of some of them. Not so much gossiping as shedding light on parts of the stories that the other might not have been privy to. Sarah pried me about some of the girls online that seemed to be awfully friendly with me, both online and in person at the few get togethers she’d seen everyone. While I didn’t out and out admit to having been intimate with any one of them in particular, my body language and my blushing pretty much told the tale for me. At least for Sarah, she was very sharp when it came to such things, Intuitive… almost clairvoyant really. Of course, she claimed to be able to read Tarot cards and had a touch of second sight, though it wasn’t always as reliable as the cards.

“Jim, why don’t you let me read your cards some time?” Sarah asked for probably the twentieth time since I had become friends with her and Dave.

I shrugged, as I always did, and hung my head slightly giving Sarah a sidelong glance before locking my eyes on the glass of wine in my hands and studying it intently. At least that’s what it may have looked like to anyone observing me, in reality my mind was seeing visions of my past life flitting through the almost amber liquid in the glass. Faces that caused my heart to soar with joy and break with remembered pain of loss.

I knew that life was mostly chance and our future is what we make it, but I also believed that perhaps that future could be molded and bent by fate and other outside influences. Deep down in my heart I really REALLY didn’t want to know my future if it held any pain like I’ve experienced in the past. I would have to deal with it as it came, if it came, but I didn’t want to plan for it and be waiting for it to happen. I expressed these thoughts to Sarah, once more. I thanked her for her offer but declined yet again.

“How come you don’t read your own cards?” I asked Sarah. The smirk on her face told me almost as much as the words that she spoke.

“For some reason you can’t tell your own future. Sure, you can read your own cards but it will be different from one minute to the next.” She explained.

“Would that hold true for everyone you read cards for?” I asked, sincerely not knowing.

“You would think so, wouldn’t you?” She asked. “But even though the cards might be a little different the reading is still almost identical each time.” She said and bit her bottom lip before taking a long sip of her wine while still studying my eyes intently. I could feel her mind working on something… I braced myself.

“Jim, I could read your cards and not tell you if anything bad was going to happen… Oh come on…” She all but pleaded.

Looking into her eyes I could see that she really really wanted to do this. Somehow, she thought that this was some way of helping me and since I had asked her to please stop trying to fix me up, she was desperate to do something. With a heavy, almost theatrical sigh, I half bowed my head and gave a lopsided grin while looking up through my eyelashes and eyebrows. I blinked and nodded my head reluctantly. The squeal that Sarah let out as she sprang up clapping her hands and half hopped and half skipped around the coffee table to dash off to her and Dave’s bedroom to get her Tarot deck startled Dave and I both. Dave looked over at me and smirked and shook his head before shrugging and taking another sip of his beer. I returned his shrug and sat back on the couch resigning myself to have my fortune told. Maybe.

Sarah made a fuss of bringing her cards and a candle, a small velvet like cloth about the size of a desk blotter to the dining room table. She lit the candle and then came to collect her glass, the half empty bottle of wine and of course me. I looked over my shoulder at Dave as I followed her into the dining room, he just looked and me grinning and chuckling silently as he waved his hand as if to say “Go on… go on…”

Sitting across the table from Sarah she placed her deck of tarot cards in the middle of the purple cloth with the candle to her left and my right also about mid-way between us. From a small cloth bag, she drew out a large egg sized quartz crystal and set it atop the deck of cards. Shifting around on her chair to get comfortable she then stretched her hands across the cloth on either side of the deck and laid them palms up and motioned for me to place my hands in hers. I shifted in my seat, closer to the edge so that I could comfortably reach across the table and take her hands in mine.

Sarah explained that the crystal was cleansing the cards of any negative energy and making them more receptive to me and my energy or aura or whatever. She told me to close my eyes and relax, not to try to think about anything really but just relax and let my mind drift. I did as she said, though I had to peek a few times to see what she was doing. I saw however that she had her eyes closed and was apparently concentrating. After a few minutes, give or take, Sarah took a long audibly deep breath and let it out through her mouth as if blowing out a candle. I felt her release my hands, and she picked up the crystal and returned it to her cloth bag. She then asked me to cut the deck, to pick up however many cards felt right to me and set them beside the remaining cards. I did as she asked. She had me cut the remaining cards again and set them beside the first cards I had cut from the deck.

Now there were three piles of cards… once more Sarah had me cut the cards only this time it was the cards from the first cut, and this time I was to turn them ninety degrees and set them atop the three remaining piles… making a total of four piles of cards. I cocked my head quizzically but followed her instructions. Sarah smiled and then picked up the remainder of the first original stack of cards and shuffled them as one might for playing any kind of card game. This stack she set to her left at the edge of the purple cloth. She then took the second stack, from the first cut, and shuffled them as well. This pile was placed to her right side, my left, on the edge of the cloth. The third stack was shuffled and she set this pile on the edge of the cloth directly in front of her. That left just the last stack of cut cards. Sarah looked at that cross ways stack of cards and then looked into my eyes and told me what to do.

“Jim, you pick up the last stack of cards and shuffle them however you like. When you are done, set them down cross ways in front of you at the edge of the cloth.” She instructed.

I picked up the cards and shuffled them two or three times and figured that was enough and I set them down as she had told me. Sitting back in her chair she picked up her wine glass and took a long sip before setting it back down and then folding her arms on the table in front of her, her right arm and hand resting atop her left. She told me that the four stacks of cards represented different things. The stack in front of me was my “present” or my life as it is at this moment. The stack to her left, my right, represented my past, things that might be influencing my present. The stack in front of her was the thought card, things that I should think about or ponder. Boy that one sounded rather vague. Finally, the stack of cards to Sarah’s right, my left, was the action card… what to do.

“Jim, draw a card from the stack in front of you, and set it face down in the center of the cloth, slightly closer to you.” She instructed and watched me as I drew the top card and set it down on the table as she had said.

“This is my present life?” I asked skeptically. The look Sarah gave me made me bridle my sarcasm and smile sheepishly.

“Now, take a card from the stack to your right, this will tell us something of your past.” Sarah intoned almost daring me to make a snide remark. I merely smiled and drew the top card and went to set it atop the first card in the middle but she stopped me.

“No, set it face down like the first but about midway on the cloth and to your right of the first card.” She directed me. “Now draw a card from the stack on your left and place it face down on the center line but to your left of the other two cards.” She told me and nodded as I followed her directions.

“It looks like a diamond pattern.” I half mumbled as I anticipated her final instruction of drawing the last card from the stack in front of her.

“So, you have done this before?” She asked raising one eyebrow questioningly and half turning her head to give me a bit of a sidelong glance.

“No Sarah, I haven’t. But I am pretty quick at seeing patterns some times. Sometimes I just get lucky.” I grinned bashfully as she motioned for me to draw the last card and complete the pattern on the cloth in the center of the table.

“This last card is for want of a better term, the action card. It represents things you could or should do to improve your situation and your future.” Sarah spoke calmly. “Every card has multiple meanings or possibilities. And they are doubled in that depending on the orientation of the card whether they are positive or negative.” She rattled on as if reciting something from memory.

“Positive or negative? That doesn’t sound very precise. How do you know if it’s positive or negative?” I asked a bit perplexed.

“By their orientation. Right side up or Upside down. As you are the focus of this reading, you are up… When I turn over the cards to read them if they are right side up to me, they are… well… right side up, or positive. If they are right side up for you, they are upside down for me and therefore negative for this reading.” Sarah explained.

“Okay, I guess that makes sense. So, what now?” I asked.

“Now we turn them over, one at a time and read them. Go ahead, turn over the card closest to you.” She instructed me. I complied and reached out and took the card closest to me and turned it over.

“It’s the Lovers card… and it’s reversed… upside down.” Sarah looked at the card and her lips drew tight into a thin line, not smiling, not frowning, not showing much emotion at all. Her eyebrows knitted however and I could see a bit of a storm in her eyes just before she glanced up at me and locked those eyes of hers on my own.

“And this is my present life?” I asked still not understanding what the card might represent.

“It would tell me you are happily in love and settled in a committed relationship if it were right side up or positive… but upside down it could mean that you are unhappy, lonely, have a fear of commitment, or unsure or untrusting of others.” Sarah spoke softly almost as if she were in a trance. She bit her lip lightly and then looked back at the cards and took a deep breath.

“Okay, Jim. Turn over the past card, the card on your right.” She instructed.

I turned it over and looked at it, immediately I realized that this card too, was reversed or upside down.

“Oh my! The three of swords… reversed…” Sarah nearly gasped as she brought her right hand to her mouth to cover her lips and mouth lightly. She almost nervously looked at the card and then back into my eyes and back to the card. Again, her eyebrows knitted in concern and her eyes took on a soft, sad shine to them almost as if she were in pain.

“And that means?” I prompted her for an explanation.

“Oh Jim, I’m so sorry…” She began and closed her eyes and took a long deep breath before continuing.

“I had a sense about you from the first time we met, that you were deep, like very still water, only people who have gone through very… trying… times and life events feel that way to me. The card tells me that you have suffered a great loss in your past, perhaps more than one really. A tragedy each time… and… that you are in part still stuck in the past. As if part of you is still holding on to that pain for some reason.” Sarah spoke so softly that it was almost a whisper.

When she looked up into my eyes once more, her eyes were shining and nearly brimming over with tears. With a trembling hand she reached out with her right hand and took a hold of my left hand and squeezed it reassuringly. Still holding my hand, she directed me to turn over the card closest to herself, the card to “ponder”.

“Another swords card, and that poor guy looks quite dead from all those swords in his back… what the hell?” I stated even as I realized that this card too was reversed, right side up for me but upside down for Sarah and her reading.

“The ten of swords. Actually, this time the reversed meaning is a good thing for you perhaps, certainly something to think about… to ponder.” Sarah said with a bit of a smile returning to her lips.

“The ten of swords reversed is a sign of healing, maybe recovering… your life and situation is repairing and improving. It means you should be hopeful and optimistic.” Sarah expanded and squeezed my hand tightly before letting out a long breath and steeling herself for the last and final card.

“And this one tells me what I should do?” I asked as I reached to turn the card over.

Immediately I saw that it was like the first three in that it too was reversed. What are the odds of that happening I wondered silently? I glanced up to watch Sarah’s face as she took in the card and her face transformed with a smirk and a sideways roll of her eyes as if whatever the card was telling her was obvious to anyone. When her gaze returned to my eyes it was tempered with a little humor and lightness.

“The Hermit, how apt is that?” She almost giggled before she went on to explain the card and how she read it.

“Represents stubbornness and independence, too much time being alone and locked away inside yourself… at least as it is reversed anyway. That’s you Jim.” She chirped with a bit of a chuckle.

“So, this card is telling me to keep to myself, to stay away from others and be stubborn?” I asked slightly confused.

“No… no… not at all Jim, the action card is what you need to change about yourself to make your life happier and healthier. It’s saying that you need to be less independent, to maybe take a chance on others, perhaps a leap of faith for your heart. You need to meet new people, socialize more.” She said as if it were obvious to anyone.

I smirked halfheartedly and gave a little shrug. My right hand idly touching the cards in front of us. I felt Sarah’s hand tense in mine as my right hand touched the three of swords with the blades stabbed into the big red heart. And oddly enough I heard her gasp almost silently as if she had felt a stab of pain. I glanced up with concern only to see that her eyes were closed tightly and she was biting her bottom lip with a look of consternation on her face. Again, she took a long deep breath and shook her head as if to clear her thoughts.

“Okay Jim, that’s all for tonight. Maybe you’ll let me read your cards again another time… sometimes I get drastically different readings, you never know.” She said as she released my hand and picked up the four stacks of cards and combined them before collecting the four that were drawn and turning them back over and setting them atop the stack of cards.

She placed the cards back into their box and put the box and her little cloth bag in the center of the cloth and then folded it first from her side to the middle then from my side to the middle then from her left to the center and finally from her right to the center. She wet her fingers in her wine glass and then pinched the wick of the candle extinguishing it. Standing up she took her wine glass in one hand and reached her other hand for mine. I grabbed my own glass and the bottle in one hand and took her offered hand in mine and she led me back to the living room where Dave had fallen asleep in his recliner as some inane sitcom played on the television.

Releasing my hand from hers at the sofa, Sarah set her wine glass down and walked over to the recliner and took the empty beer bottle out of Dave’s hand resting on his chest. She set the bottle aside and picked up a small afghan from the ottoman and spread it out over Dave’s sleeping form. She kissed her fingers and pressed them to his lips softly before straightening back up and making her way back to the sofa to sit next to me once more.

“Sarah, I should be going. I’m used to the late-night hours, but you and Dave should be in bed sleeping by now or at least very soon anyway.” I said as I drained my wine glass and set it on the table.

“Thank sleeping beauty for me later for the wonderful company and dinner tonight.” I said smiling as I stood to ready myself to make an exit.

Sarah too stood with me and walked me to the door, and followed me outside where she pulled me in for a very warm and endearing hug. Damn if she didn’t feel good in my arms though. I smiled as we broke our embrace and thanked her again for inviting me to dinner and for all her worry and effort to try to make me happier. I also reminded her to NOT try to continue with that effort. She frowned at me and punched my arm before crossing her own arms in front of her and tilting her head downward a bit and sighing.

“Jim… the cards have never lied to me. What I saw tonight worries me. Not your future, not so much your present even… but your past. I don’t know what or who hurt you, but DAMN! Honey, you know you can talk to me about anything, really. If you ever want or need to talk to anyone, you know I’m here, right?” Sarah stated and ended with the question.

It was an open invitation for support and understanding if I needed any. I felt a little lump in my throat as memories of things from my past crept up in my thoughts. Smiling faces, so hopeful and full of love, then the searing pain of loss and separation squashing the happiness in less than a blink of an eye. I knew someday I would again have to explain to someone my deepest and darkest days and hurts. Tonight, was not the night however, and to be honest I didn’t want to think about those things. At least, not tonight, or anytime soon.

“Thank you, Sarah, really. For everything. I’ll keep you in mind, I promise. I’m going home now. I’ll talk to you later girl.” I told her as she moved to give me another quick hug. She pecked me on the cheek with a quick kiss as well before sending me on my way. She leaned against the door frame with her arms crossed over her chest and watched me get in my car, start up and drive off.

Of course, due to my work schedule, the night was still young for me. I wouldn’t be thinking about sleep or the bed until daybreak or maybe later. When I got home to my apartment, I grabbed a glass of iced tea and plopped my butt on my couch and turned on the idiot box. I really wasn’t paying much attention to whatever was coming through the cable though, it was all just light and shadows as I sat there ruminating Sarah’s reading of my Tarot cards earlier in the evening. Aside from only vague hints to Barbra, I had told no one online or in person much of my past… Especially not about my two biggest heartaches. How then had Sarah seemingly tapped into that long-buried pain?

I have always thought of myself as somewhat spiritual but not by any means religious. I believe in “God” but I don’t have a name for that higher power. I think it’s fascinating that so many different cultures and even religions are so similar but that they get hung up on specifics. Fanatically so! More wars have been fought, more bloodshed over religious beliefs than anything else known to mankind. One group hating all others because everyone else doesn’t adhere to the same beliefs as they do… It’s just stupid. The way I see it, religion is just a social constriction… a means to govern and control the masses. A hierarchy of wizened “holy” men commune with “GOD” and then tell or “guide” the masses on how to live, love, think and most importantly behave. And if you do NOT live by their holy rules… you are a heathen at best, an infidel and doomed soul at worst.

I have no problem with people believing what they want. What I have a problem with is those people trying to force me to share their beliefs. I just smile and nod my head when people start quoting “***********ure” from the bible or whatever holy tomb they adhere to and worship. What no one wants to admit or acknowledge is that all those holy writings, however inspired or sacred… were written by men… for men… to control men. Man is fallible, man is imperfect, man is corruptible. I adhere to no particular religion and it drives many zealots crazy. All that said, I am open minded enough and know that there is so very much that we don’t know or can’t explain that I do not entirely discount things like spiritualism and other ancient practices and beliefs that most all churches frown upon at best. Like mysticism, divination, sooth saying, fortune-telling… Crystal balls, reading bones… and of course Tarot cards.

They are all just props really, there is no real magic in these things used for fortune telling and what not. They are just used to give people something to focus on. The real magic, the unexplainable, is the extra sensory perception that some gifted people seem to have. They are able to tap into currents or influences or vibrations that are not readily detected to our common physical sense of sight, sound, taste and touch… or even smell. Even if more often than not those predictions or maybe just the “practitioners” seem to be “fishy.” But there are those few… those rare individuals that have some kind of connection… that unexplainable connection with things hidden and not shared with anyone. Tonight, I had sensed that quality in Sarah. I was intrigued, but still uncomfortable at the same time.

Yes, secrets… Painful, heartbreaking secrets… things I had not shared with anyone… how did Sarah tap into that? I have spent years trying to bury those painful parts down deep. I have tried to grow out of the depths of the despair and pain wrought by my past. I thought I was doing pretty well actually. I have been able to find joy and happiness in the hearts and arms of others over the years. Fleeting sometimes, and in small amounts here and there. Love has a way of healing any and all heartaches if given a chance and given time. Still though, with such hurtful memories even the bravest of hearts is and will be hesitant and guarded. That’s what I was, that’s where I was, at this point in time. Longing for that barely imaginable zenith of joy and happiness of true love, but still mindful of loss of just such love. But always looking.

Sarah’s Tarot cards seemed to have pegged me perfectly. More closely even than I think she was even aware of. Well, not the cards really, but HER. Her mind and her gift… But I also sensed that her own mind was clouded and I suspect that any reading she might have been able to make on me, was tainted with whatever was troubling her. I had a feeling I’d be talking about this again with Sarah, probably in the morning after Dave left for work. Sarah was off tomorrow, as was I. She often caught me before I got to bed and either online or on the telephone, she would bend my ear for hours. Yeah buddy, I sensed a phone call coming in the morning.

Not finding anything to keep my attention on tv… all those cable channels and nothing to watch… I turned off the boob tube and made my way to my bedroom. I made a pit stop in my little galley kitchen to refill my glass of iced tea, then another in the bathroom just down the hall to get rid of the tea and the wine that I had drank earlier in the evening. Finally stumbling through my blackout curtains over my bedroom doorway I set my glass of tea on my desk before taking my clothes off to change into sweats and a tee shirt… my pajamas.

Once dressed, I sat down at my desk and powered up my computer. Within minutes I had launched my modem to connect to my favorite bulletin board Night Friends. The warbling tones and white noise heralded the steady tone announcing my connection. My screen scrolled down with those familiar lines of text prompting me to respond.

User:

Frodov

Password:

I typed in my password and hit enter, the screen scrolled down with more text. I had messages waiting from various friends and acquaintances. I typed in a command to see who was online at the moment before deciding to read my messages. There were only a couple of regulars online so I went ahead and read my messages first.

I had a short note from Barbra. She told me that she was missing me and that she was sorry that our schedules had conflicted so much lately. Her training for a new job at her workplace was taking up far too much of her time for her liking. The training would only be for another couple of weeks though and she was looking forward to sharing a little time with me as soon as she could. Perhaps a weekend getaway somewhere? She was asked by her sister Gail to pet sit while they were on a trip that was coming up in a couple of weeks. Pet sitting and house sitting since Barb lived here in Lexington and Gail and her husband lived in Louisville.

I sent back a note to Barb telling her I would be delighted to help her pet sit. We could go to the zoo that weekend and dinner of course… before we “sat the house”. Knowing Barb as I did, I know she had plans for entertainment that would make the zoo just a footnote at best.

I also answered a message from my friends Todd and Anne. Todd was lamenting about how much he and Anne missed seeing me after they moved back to Virginia to be closer to his ailing elderly mother. They were after me to make a trip out to see them sometime soon. Todd told me that Anne said she still owed me something special and she fully intended to make good on her promises. I had to sit back and smile at that. I had a slight shiver rush through my body as I had a momentary flash back of an amazing day spent with Anne during an epic snow storm, we had a while back. The petite little brunette was a dynamo that could curl the toes of any man. I know I will never be able to look at snow fall and NOT smile again.

I sent a short message to Todd telling him that I did miss them as well. I didn’t know when I would be able to come visit them, but I definitely would be coming to see them sooner or later. I asked that he try to keep up with Anne if he could and to let her know I would honor her request when I could. I asked about the kids and how they were doing with the move and new schools and the like. I knew Todd had lifelong friends there as that’s where he grew up, but Anne was lost in a sea of new faces and people. It might be good in some ways for her though. I wished them the best and promised to stay in touch.

Finished with my messages, I dropped into the trivia room to play and chat with some of the regulars online. The conversations were light and varied, the game was predictable but still challenging. It’s amazing how much information, yes, trivial information, our brains soak up and retain over our lifetimes. Yeah, but my mind wasn’t in the game this evening. My mind kept wandering back to my past and the events that marked my heart and soul. I’ve always felt that I somehow was able to feel to some extent what others feel emotionally. I never really shared that with others, but the events of earlier this evening and Sarah’s reading of my Tarot cards made me wonder if she too might have a touch of this ability.

I had not ever told her or anyone else for that matter much about my past relationships, yet Sarah seemed to sense that chasm of despair that I have fought for so long to climb out of. I wondered if her curiosity was as beastly as my own at times… would she be able to be put off from learning such intimate details about me. I suspected not. I was going to have to open up to her more than anyone else I had to date… well… since those events in my past anyway. Was I really ready to do that… as perchance my cards had shown? The last thing I wanted from Sarah or anyone else for that matter was pity. Lord knows Sarah has been hell bent on trying to fix me up with someone to make me “happy”. I’ve known happy… Happy always has a price. I’m not sure I’m ready to pay that price again.

I made my goodbyes and left the trivia game and was about to log off of Night Friends when I got a private message. Wouldn’t you know it… it was from Sarah. Her online nick name still made me giggle after all this time.

Mama Mia: “Jim? Are you okay?” Sarah sent with a hug action.

Frodov: “I’m fine Sarah. Why are you so worried?” I asked

Mama Mia: “I just couldn’t shake the feeling that you were hurting after I read your cards earlier…”

Mama Mia: “Oh Jim! I could and still can feel the pain… my heart is breaking and I don’t why…”

Frodov: “Sarah, I promise you, I’m fine. I’m not in pain. I’m the same as yesterday…”

Frodov: “… and the day before… the week before… the month before…”

Mama Mia: “Okay! Okay! I get it! Geez Louise! I just care! So, sue me!” Sarah sent.

Frodov: “I appreciate it Sarah, really I do. But I’m fine. It may have taken me a while but…”

Mama Mia: “But?” Sarah queried… I could picture her leaning closer to her monitor waiting.

Frodov: “…Nothing… Nothing I want to get into tonight babe. You need to go to bed and sleep.”

Mama Mia: “I couldn’t sleep worrying about you.”

Frodov: “Well now you know I’m fine so go on back to bed.”

Mama Mia: “Okay, Okay…”

Frodov: “And Sarah?”

Mama Mia: “Yes?”

Frodov: “Thanks babe, I know you care… and I… well… just thanks… Goodnight.”

Mama Mia: “Goodnight… and you know you can tell me anything, anytime… right?”

Frodov: “Yes MOM!!! Goodnight.” I sent with a smile action and a hug as well.

I smiled to myself as I logged off from Night Friends and leaned back in my chair stretching my arms over my head as I yawned. Yeah, it was still early for a night owl like me but what the hell, it was a night off and a little extra sleep never hurts… right? I reached out and turned off my monitor and stood up. I turned, stretching yet again and yawning even bigger this time. I took the three or four steps from my desk to my bed and knee walked over to the middle and just sort of collapsed atop the comforter, doing a face plant into my pillow. I reached out my right hand and turned off my bedside lamp on my bookcase headboard. I think I was pretty much asleep even as I did that though.

I’m not sure if I awoke because of a dream or if it was just my body being out of sync with the time of day. Working nights for so long you tend to adjust to being awake when most are sleeping. So, it was not a great surprise to me when I rolled over and looked at my old-fashioned wind-up alarm clock that the clock face showed it was four in the morning. But I was wide awake now and even if I shut my eyes and tried to go back to sleep that would probably not happen… that and my bladder suddenly grabbed my attention. So, I rolled out of… or rather… OFF my bed and made my way through the black-out curtains over my bedroom doorway to go down the hall… all two steps of it, to the bathroom to relieve the pressure. After washing my hands and ambling into my galley kitchen I opened the fridge for inspiration. Food? Something to drink?

Not feeling much like cooking, and truthfully still quite satiated from dinner earlier… or last night I guess… with Dave and Sarah, I opted for just a can of soda. “A Coke will hit the spot.” I thought to myself as a grabbed a can and let the fridge door close. I noticed a bag of pistachio nuts atop the fridge as the door closed so I grabbed those too, then made my way back to my desk in the bedroom and had a seat.

I powered up my computer and then leaned back in the chair and stretched, rolling my neck around and even cracked my knuckles. I knew from past experience that there was likely to be no one else on Night Friends this time of night other than other night owls like myself, but on the off chance someone might be online I went ahead and started to connect. The sound of my modem dialing up and the warbling staticky sound of the connection being made caused me to redirect my attention to my monitor.

User:

Frodov

Password:

I typed in the magic combination of letters and soon my screen was scrolling down with the familiar menu. I typed in the command to see who else was online and was pleasantly surprised to see my friend and fellow night shifter Angelica alone in the trivia room. I dropped into the room and sent her a hug action by way of greeting.

Angelica: “Hi stranger! Do I know you?” She responded with a frown action.

Frodov: “Well if you don’t remember me, I can think of a few things we can do to… refresh… your memory!” I sent with a wink action.

Angelica: “I’ll bet you can!” She replied with a sigh action.

Frodov: “Off tonight girl?” I asked.

Angelica: “Unfortunately, no. It’s been a very boring night too.”

Angelica: “I’m not complaining but it is boring when everything runs the way it should.”

I smiled knowing that Angelica, real name Susan, worked as an IT specialist at the University. She ruled the night shift but was often alone and like tonight bored out of her mind. We had met online on another local bulletin board and I had told her about Night Friends. Soon she was a regular here and a friendship grew. Oh, it was a very special friendship indeed. The term “friends with benefits” comes to mind and of course I can’t help but smile every time I think of her. I’ve rarely met or known a more adventurous, outgoing, frisky and seemingly constantly horny single gal in all my years. I think Susan elevated Flirting to an art or at very least a sport.

Frodov: “Anything I can do to… help… a girl out?” I sent with an evil grin action.

Angelica: “Now Jim… we’ve been down this road before. You KNOW I would be game, but unfortunately I can’t let anyone into the building after hours… who’s not an employee.” She reminded me wistfully.

Frodov: “I’m tellin ya… I should get a part time job with the university just so I COULD be let into the building!” I sent with a giggle.

Angelica: “Yeah, you’ve teased me with that before… asshole!” she responded with a laugh.

Frodov: “Well if I had time I might, but I don’t think a part time job would work out well with my hours and schedule at the plant. Sorry.” I sent with a pout.

Angelica: “Trivia is not doing it tonight… I’m starting to see questions I’ve already seen before.” Susan lamented.

Frodov: “Well you could hang up and read or something.” I offered.

Angelica: “Read what? A book?” she asked with a frown action.

Frodov: “Well… yeah… or you could read something you print out from a file online.” I told her.

Angelica: “What files, you have a new story or something?” She said for the first time with a smile action.

Frodov: “Not actually, but I’ve been tossing around an idea in my head for about a week now. I might just start writing it tonight even. Any requests or ideas?” I asked

Angelica: “I don’t know… maybe something with blindfolds or something like that.” She sent with a shrug.

Frodov: “Hmmm… Blindfolds sounds interesting.” I sent in reply… thinking back to many years ago with an exercise with a couple of very dear teachers of mine. As always, there was a brief pang in my heart but I was still smiling at the memories.

Angelica: “Well do it then! I’m BORED!” she sent with a pout.

Frodov: “You won’t get to read it tonight though. Hell, I haven’t even written it yet.” I sent with a laugh.

Angelica: “Well let me know when you do get it written. Oh damn! I’m getting a call! Finally! Something to do. Gotta go. Bye!” She sent with a wave action and then she was gone.

Sighing, I smiled and went ahead and exited the trivia game and logged off of Night Friends entirely. Sitting back in my desk chair with my elbows on the armrests and my fingers steepled together tapping my chin, I pondered the makings of a new story. Something with blindfolds. Taking a sip of my now almost room temperature can of coke. I grimaced and stood up to go to the kitchen to get something cold.

Opening the fridge again I reached for another can of coke and spied a lonely almost full bottle of rum near the back of the top shelf. Hmmm… Been a while since I had any liquor. I’m not much of a drinker but I do enjoy a little mixed drink now and then. Setting the can on the counter I reached for the bottle and set it next to the can. Next, I opened my cupboard and got out a tall tumbler and opened my freezer and grabbed a few ice cubes. I Put a couple of healthy splashes of the dark rum into the tumbler over the ice… maybe a shot glass worth of alcohol really. Then I opened the can of coke and poured it over the ice in the glass as well. I let the foam and fizz die down then topped the glass off a bit more with the cola. Picking the tumbler up I took an inquisitive sip of my elixir. A little weak but that’s okay. I wasn’t looking to get drunk really. I picked up the can and my tumbler and walked back to my desk to sit and begin brainstorming a new story.

And so, I began… where I would in the past, pick up a pen and put ink on paper, I now fired up my computer and typed it all in electronically. I sketched out a story of a married couple of undetermined age. They had just returned from some sort of evening out, a formal event perhaps, and were ready to unwind at home. Drinks were served… a fireplace… a rug of some sort… a gorgeous redhead. Yeah! That’s the ticket! And of course, a little kink is introduced into the mix by way of a couple of blindfolds.

I don’t know if it was avarice or inspiration or simply a matter of pulling a name out of the air, but I thought of the name Karyn… and that became the name of this little bit of fiction. Yes, it was fiction but I drew heavily from past experiences and kind of pieced them together with ideas that I just found a little interesting if not terribly kinky. I’ve always had the ability to immerse myself into a story, whether reading one or in this case writing one. So, it was not terribly surprising that I lost myself into the story as I wrote it. Time around me lost meaning and it wasn’t until I heard the all too familiar sounds of daytime life stirring outside my bedroom window that I even looked at the clock on my headboard across the room.

As if to drive the point home that it was indeed morning, I heard that irritating sound of the garbage truck picking up and emptying one of my apartment’s dumpsters across the parking lot from my building. Lovely… With a tired stretching yawn and a sigh, I saved my work, again, on my computer and closed out my editor and shut down my computer. Time to lay myself down and get some sleep. Two or three steps across the room and I think I was asleep before my head even hit my pillow.

It was the irritating… no… aggravating sound on the edge of my subconscious awareness that pulled me out of my dream filled slumber. Still floating in that miasma of thoughts and dreams on the edge of consciousness I drifted back into my dream state. Again, however that aggravating sound tickled my mind… pulling me back from the comforting warmth of the arms of… Sitting bolt upright, with my heart racing and my chest heaving for breath that I didn’t know why I was even holding. That sound again… Ringing in my ears. No, not ringing in my ears, but really ringing. It was my phone on the wall in my kitchen.

Taking a deep breath and shaking my head to clear the cobwebs, I rolled out of my bed and went through my blackout curtain and two strides later was grabbing the phone off the wall to answer.

“Hello?” I queried, holding the phone to one ear as my other hand rubbed my eyes to get the sleep out of them.

“Jim?” asked the voice… I know that voice but it took me a moment in my still sleep addled brain to connect. It was Dave.

“Dave?” I asked more out of trying to understand why he might be calling rather than who it was at this point.

“Jim I’m sorry to wake you… I… I have to ask you for a favor man.” Dave spoke sounding a little distracted, maybe even worried.

“No… I mean, yeah… Sure… what do you need Dave?” My mind finally kicking into gear.

“I know I’ve asked for favors before but this is something… different.” Dave said hesitantly as if he was still struggling to decide on something.

“Dave, you’re my friend. Anything I can do to help, just ask, you should know that. What’s up? Sarah’s car die again or something?” I reassured him and wondered if I needed to get dressed and go pick Sarah up to take her to work.

“I know, Jim, and I thank you for that but this is something a little different. I have to go to Jersey for… for a while. I… I was wondering if you could… Check in on Sarah, maybe come by and see her while I’m away?” Dave asked hesitantly and still seemed a little distracted.

“No, I mean yeah, of course, but what’s up Dave? Everything okay? You sound… a little… off.” I told him.

“It’s my mom, Jim, she’s not fairing very well. I got a call from her home nurse. They are contacting hospice…” Dave’s voice trailed off. I could almost feel his heart wrenching in his voice.

“Dave, I’m sorry… Of course, I’ll help out. You need to go be with you mom.” I told him. I could hear his relief in the muffled exhale on his end of the phone. I knew a million other things were probably running through his mind and I felt better knowing I had lessened the burden in some small way.

“Thanks buddy, it really means a lot to me. I owe you big time for this.” He spoke after a moment.

“Don’t even think about it Dave, it’s nothing really. You know I’d do anything for you and Sarah. How’s she handling this?” I asked.

“She’s a little worried of course, being here alone for… however long…” He told me, his voice edging on cracking. I felt bad that I made him think that far ahead.

“Sarah’s taking me to the airport here in a bit, my flight leaves this afternoon. I’ll know more after I get there of course. Right now, you know about as much as I do now. Really, Jim, this means a lot to me, knowing you’ll look after Sarah while I’m… away… I owe you pal.” He spoke again, his voice still edgy with emotion.

“Dave, really, don’t even think about it. Just take care of what you need to take care of. Call if you need anything else, okay?” I reassured him again.

We talked for a few minutes more before he said he had to finish packing and said goodbye. I told him I’d call Sarah later in the day, but I was going to go back to bed for a while anyway. He actually laughed at the thought but knew that I worked nights and for me, this early in the morning was actually the middle of my night. After hanging up the phone I opened my fridge and stood there looking at the mostly barren landscape of my icebox. Sighing, I closed the door back and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet and poured myself some water from the tap. Drinking it down I made a mental note to add a trip to the grocery later for some much-needed food and drink. I put the empty glass in the sink and stumbled back to my bed and dove into that dreamy abyss of unconsciousness once more.

I woke up later in the day, when I rolled over and focused my sleep blurred eyes on my wind-up alarm clock, I noted the time was a little after one in the afternoon. I closed my eyes and thought about how easy it would be to drift off back to sleep. But then my stomach growled… and I suddenly and urgently felt the need to empty my bladder. Groaning dramatically, I rolled over and sat up on the edge of the bed. After the momentary dizziness abated, I stood and stretched, my arms wide then reached for the ceiling while rotating my neck. The popping sounds of my spine and joints clicking and creaking reminded me of someone walking across bubble wrap. I took a moment to make my bed then turned and made my way through the blackout curtain and turned down the hallway to my bathroom. First things first.

Bladder emptied and face and hands washed, I went to the kitchen and opened up my fridge. Oh yeah… still need to go to the grocery store. Sighing I reached for the glass I had put in the sink earlier in the morning and got myself some more water from the tap as my stomach growled again. I was leaning over my counter beside the sink writing out a short grocery list as I sipped my water when my phone rang. I dropped my pen and turned to pick up the phone from the wall hook.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Jim… It’s Sarah…” I heard her say in an agitated voice I had come to recognize when she was… well… agitated.

“Hello beautiful.” I responded

“Jim… help…” She all but whined through the phone line.

“This damned car won’t start again…” she lamented.

“Sarah, calm down, it’s okay. Where are you?” I asked.

“I’m out here at the airport. I just saw Dave off to Jersey. When I got back in the car to come home it just wouldn’t start. I swear to God I’m going to just set this piece of junk of fire and be done with it! ARRRRGHHH! Help! Please?” She vented. I couldn’t help but to chuckle a little and I’m sure she heard it through the phone line on her end of the conversation. I really could picture her setting the car on fire then backing up and watching it burn.

“Okay, don’t get hasty… you’re at the airport? Whereabouts? Short term parking I assume, right?” I said trying not to chuckle any more.

“Yeah. I already had one guy tell me I should call AAA to come give me a jump. I hate to bother you Jim but I don’t know what else to do.” She continued to vent with a little desperation creeping into her voice.

“It’s okay Sarah. Really, it’s no bother. Let me throw some clothes on and I be there in about fifteen minutes.” I reassured her.

“Oh, thank you honey! You are too good to me!” She sighed with relief into the phone.

“It’s what friends are for Sarah. Hang tight, I’ll be there in a bit.” I told her and then we broke the connection. I hung up my phone and with one hand scratching my head and one scratching my butt I stepped across the hallway to go through the blackout curtain into my bedroom. I pulled on a pair of jeans after shucking my sweatpants and t-shirt. I grabbed a clean sweat shirt out of my chest of drawers and then slipped my feet into my shoes. Now dressed I took a couple of minutes to cover hygiene.

Stepping through my curtain I turned right to step into my bathroom and brushed my teeth and rinsed. I ran a brush through my hair and shrugged, it still looked a little like bed head but hey… I just woke up… mostly. I started to turn and head down the hall to my living room/dining room when I thought twice and stopped and turned back to my medicine cabinet. I pulled out my deodorant and hiked up my sweatshirt to apply a dab or two under each arm. I little insurance can’t hurt, right? All set now I went through the kitchen and grabbed my store list then grabbed my car keys off the dining room table. I let myself out of my apartment, locking the door behind me. Down the short flight of stairs to the building entrance and I was out the door and on my way to the airport.

Sarah was leaning up against the driver’s side door of her and Dave’s car, the rust orange ’82 Honda Accord hatchback. The back driver side tail light cover was still cracked and missing half the lens… at least the bulbs still worked. The chrome on the bumper looked diseased from the rust eating through from the inside out. Yeah, the car was showing its age and its mileage. Between the miles Dave had put on it since it was new when they had lived in Jersey, and then all the miles he and Sarah had accumulated here in Kentucky, it was positively geriatric with well over two hundred thousand miles on the odometer. Be it sentimental reasons or the fact that it was just too pricey to replace, they kept patching up the old car and, driving it when it was drivable. At the moment, once again, it apparently wasn’t. The dejected look on Sarah’s face vanished when she saw me pull up next to her. I rolled down the passenger side window of my ’88 Ford Escort and Sarah leaned in the window.

“Hi cutie… want some candy?” I asked with a smirk on my face… knowing I would lighten the mood a little with that old cliché line.

“Oh, stop it, Jim!” Sarah laughed

“Seriously though, thank you so much for coming to my rescue… again. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t been home.” She added frowning again, the worry in her eyes as she contemplated that possibility.

“Well, I was, so let’s see what seems to be the problem, this time.” I told her as I popped my seat belt and opened my driver side door to get out.

I walked around my car to her driver side door and got in to turn the key and see what would happen. It didn’t even click… nothing. I reached over with the key on and turned on the radio, and beeped the horn… they all worked so I knew it wasn’t a dead battery, this time. The gauges told me that there was plenty of gas and the oil light wasn’t on, none of the idiot lights were lit or flashing. Hmmmm… my limited mechanical diagnostic skills were being eliminated fast.

“Has it done this before today?” I asked Sarah with my head cocked slightly to one side as I worked the problem in my head.

“No, this is the first time it’s done this that I know of. I tell you Jim, I’m so sick of this car. I wish Dave would just get rid of it and find us something more reliable…” She lamented for the umpteenth time. I just kind of grinned at the familiar complaint and winked at her.

I climbed out of the car and reached back in to pop the hood and then walked around to open it up. Like I really knew what I was doing. I stood there scratching my head still working the problem. It’s got gas, it’s got electrical power… what is not making a connection. There was no sound at all from the starter when the key was turned. Could it be the starter motor or wait! Maybe it was the starter solenoid. That little electrical control that engages the starter motor to the motor itself to turn it over and start the motor. That might be it. I’ve had to replace them on various other cars I’ve had myself so I wasn’t a complete stranger to how that worked.

Sarah must have seen the light bulb come on over my head or something as she half smiled, hopefully, and kind of ducked her head down a little as if to say “Yeah? What?” I bit my bottom lip and winked at her while tapping the side of my head with the index finger of my right hand.

“I might have an idea. I’m not sure but I’ll have to look closer to find out. I’m going to need to get a flashlight out of my car and something to lay on the ground to scootch under the car on.” I told her as I eased by her and went to my hatchback and raised it to rummage around for a flashlight and something to lay on.

I found the light and an empty cardboard box that I kept for loose trash between trips to the dumpster. I hate having fast food trash in my floorboards. I broke the box down to open it up to a flat piece and slid it under the front bumper. I then laid down on my back on top of the cardboard and holding the light in my right hand I pulled myself under the car as best I could. It took me a minute or two but I finally identified the starter motor and the suspected solenoid sitting atop of it. When I shined the light on the set up, I discovered a broken wire hanging off the solenoid. Yep, that was the problem… now… how to fix it.

“It looks like the wire going to the starter solenoid has corroded and broken off…” I told Sarah as I slid back out from under the car.

“Is that fixable?” She asked, again with that hopeful expression on her face battling with the feeling of disgust for the car in general.

“I think I might be able to patch it up to get it started but I think the solenoid should be replaced. If I can get it started, I’m going to have you follow me to Midas and I’ll see if they can swap it out with a new one.” I told her. I held up my hand to stop the expected protest that I knew was coming.

“Jim… I don’t know… how much would that cost? What if they can’t work on it today?” She began as expected. I merely smiled at her and shook my head and put my finger to my lips as to tell her to hush.

“As for the cost, probably not too much for the part, but a little for the labor, I’m sure. As for them being able to do it today we won’t know till we get there. Usually, they are pretty good about little jobs like this… we’ll just have to wait and see. And I’ll pay for the part if they can find it.” I told her as I once again rummaged through my little tool box in the back of my car. I found a piece of electrical wire that I could use to jump between the broken wire and the solenoid… it was the wrong gauge but it would work for a couple of starts I hoped. I grabbed a pair of pliers and a small roll of electrical tape.

Walking back around to the front of Dave and Sarah’s car I set the wire, tape and pliers on the cardboard then reached in my pocket to pull out my Swiss Army knife… yeah… McGyver I wasn’t but I had the tools… sometimes. I laid on my back again and pulled myself under the car once more. I had to struggle to get both arms and hands in to where I could get a hold of the dangling wire. I stripped the loose end and then stripped both ends of the piece of wire I had taken from my tool box. I twisted the piece of wire to the bared end of the loose wire and then taped it with the electrical tape. I then made a loop of the loose end of the new piece of wire and slipped it over the corroded connector on the solenoid. Then having second thoughts I pulled it back off and used the blade of my knife to scrape the connector somewhat cleaner. I then pulled the looped wired over the connector and twisted it tight as I could with my fingers before using the pliers to make it just a little tighter. I had to tear off a couple of pieces of the tape to fit them around the wire and connector but I thought it would hold. That done I slid back out from under the car and wiped my dirty hands off on a rag I had kept in the tool box for just such things.

“Well?” Sarah asked, still looking like she was on pins and needles.

“Get in and give it a try.” I told her with my head tilted slightly to my left shoulder as if to say “I hope.”

Sarah got in and I had to laugh as she made the sign of the cross and kissed the ignition key before sticking it in and turning it. The little six-cylinder engine sputtered and chugged a couple of times but then fired right up. Sarah’s beaming smile was worth all the trouble.

“Oh, Thank God! No… thank YOU Jim!” Sarah exclaimed looking very relieved… then her face clouded again this time with apprehension and maybe a little humility.

“Are you sure about this? Taking the car to Midas I mean.” She asked.

“Yes. Sarah, I’m sure. Let me put this stuff in my car and then follow me. It’ll be okay babe.” I said with a smile and gathered up my stuff from the front of her car.

After I closed my hatch and climbed in my car and started it up. I backed out of the parking space and pulled forward. I watched in the rear view mirror as Sarah did the same and then she followed me out of the short-term parking area and back to the main road. She followed me all the way to the Midas shop that I go to for my own servicing and repairs on my car. I parked and waited while she parked next to my car. She got out and followed me inside.

“Jim! What’s wrong with your car now?” The guy behind the counter said looking over the top of his glasses as he worked on a ledger of some sort.

“Hi Steve. Nothing wrong with my car this time…” I told him, but that I was here with Sarah’s car and introduced he and her.

I told him what was going on with the starter and solenoid and what I had done. He was appreciative of my efforts and thought it was pretty clever actually. He did a quick search and found a replacement solenoid for Dave and Sarah’s car just up the street at a parts store they dealt with. He looked up the job labor charge and then at the work they were doing at the moment. He told me that they could get it done today but it would be a few hours. We could leave the car and come back or someone could wait if we wanted to. I looked at Sarah and she looked like she was ready to have a seat and wait it out but I thought she might as well get a break too. I asked Sarah if she would accompany me to the grocery store while we waited, the look of thanks on her face was all the answer I needed. I told Steve that we would come back for the car later. I gave him my phone number just in case there were any problems. Then Sarah and I went back out to my car and headed off to the grocery store.

Grocery shopping with Sarah was… different. I was so used to shopping alone that I found myself distracted at every turn. Sarah was wonderful company, don’t get me wrong, but the girl has an evil streak a mile wide when she’s given the opportunity. Shopping for groceries has never been so… adventurous or… embarrassing as well as surprisingly exciting. Now I know I had made her promise to stop trying to fix me up with friends of hers but even as she had complied, at least with that particular phrasing anyway, she couldn’t help herself. Strangers were fair game in her way of thinking. OH BROTHER!

“Jim… she’s a cutie, isn’t she?” Sarah nudged my side with her right elbow and nodded towards a young blonde gal leaning over the display stand full of ripe tomatoes in the produce section of the store.

“Yeah, she’s okay.” I replied after I looked over and saw who Sarah was talking about, not exactly dawning on my distracted mind what Sarah was really asking. I turned back to ***********ing a few apples when I heard Sarah speaking again. But it wasn’t to me, it was to the very girl that she had just pointed out to me. Uh oh.

“You know, it’s always hard for me to find the ripest tomatoes in these displays…” She said distractedly to the blonde gal as she picked up a couple of tomatoes to inspect and take a sniff of them. The blonde gal just looked over at her and nodded, smiling politely as she went about ***********ing her own tomatoes.

“Sometimes I just can’t decide at all, but I know someone who can always seem to find a ripe one or two for me. Jim? Could you come here and help me find a couple of good tomatoes? And maybe help this young lady too?” Sarah called to me, smiling, with a twinkle in her eyes. The blonde gal looked at Sarah then at me and then back to the tomatoes and actually sniffed the one in her hand as she had seen Sarah just do.

“Jim, this young lady…” She turned to the blonde giving her that universal imploring look that asked for her name…to which the blonde gal responded with…

“Suzanne”

“Suzanne…” Sarah said smiling at Suzanne and then turning back to me giving me a surreptitious wink.

“Suzanne and I need some help finding some good ones. You were raised on a farm, you know what ripe tomatoes are better than us… could you help?” She all but whined and then cocked her head slightly to one shoulder and bit her bottom lip. OH MY GOD!

Blushing slightly, and giving Sarah the evil eye, I pushed my cart over to the tomato stand and smiled in greeting to Suzanne. I then asked her what she was planning on doing with the tomatoes and how soon.

“What do you mean?” Suzanne asked, her headful of golden tresses ratcheting back on her neck and tilting a little towards her right shoulder giving me a bit of a sidelong glance.

“Well, if you were for instance going to cut it up into a salad tonight, you might want a completely ripened fruit. It would be at its peak of flavor and juiciness. If you were going to slice it for sandwiches in a day or two then you might want a tomato that was not quite fully ripened right now. It would start to go bad before you sliced it. But if you were going to make it into a sauce or cook it, it really wouldn’t matter too much if it were completely ripe or just almost there.” I explained. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Sarah beaming a huge smile as she continued to pick up and inspect and sniff tomatoes.

“Okay, that makes sense. But how can I tell how ripe a tomato is?” Suzanne asked, all the while nodding her head and looking at the two, she had in her hands and glancing at me again.

“Touch and smell.” I said picking one tomato out of the bin and then another one out of another row.

“These all get picked before they are fully ripened so that they have time to ship them and get them into the markets for sale. They continue to ripen of course. A fully ripened tomato will feel firm but the skin will give a little with slight pressure. One not fully ripened will feel firm but not give as much. And the ripe one will smell different. It’ll smell… well… like a tomato. Whereas the one that’s not ripe will not have much smell at all.

With that explanation registering in her mind. Suzanne looked at the two tomatoes she was holding and then sniffed them again. Looking up at me then at the one in my right hand I took the cue and raised it for her to sniff as well. Her eyes got a little bigger and her eyebrows rose up a bit as she indeed did smell the aroma of a tomato. She smiled brightly, bobbing her blonde tresses slightly in thanks and turned back to her task of finding some tomatoes.

“Thanks…” Suzanne said a little timidly.

I could almost feel Sarah deflating beside me as I put the two tomatoes I was holding back in the display and began to push my cart on down the aisle towards the deli. I knew it was coming so I just kept my silence until it did.

“What was wrong with her Jim?” Sarah asked finally, her shoulder gently brushing my own as she tried to keep her voice down but not quite whispering.

“What do you mean Sarah?” I asked feigning ignorance.

“She was pretty… why didn’t you want to talk to her some more? Maybe ask for her phone number or something?” Sarah asked.

“Well first of all, I can find girls to talk to on my own, thank you, and secondly, she was ambushed by a certain over enthusiastic if well-meaning Italian girl and was one heartbeat away from bolting. Lastly, you didn’t see the engagement ring on her finger? Sarah, we’ve talked about this. I love you for caring and trying but please stop.” I said softly and evenly so that she knew I was not angry with her just a little peeved.

“Oh… how did I miss the ring?” Sarah blurted before she could check herself. Then she continued.

“Jim, I can’t help it. I just want you to be happy. You would be such a good man for some lucky girl. Can’t a girl dream a little?” She gave me that little whiny voice again as if pleading for me to be reasonable and just give in. I stopped pushing the cart and turned to look her in the face. Sarah just stood there, that hopeful almost pleading look in her eyes as her lips hovered somewhere between a pout and a smile as if uncertain which way to go. I did want to snap at her, I had to bite my tongue to keep from letting words slip out that would hurt her feelings. Instead, I took a deep breath and gave her a lopsided smirk. That one eye squinted almost closed and the other eye’s brow raised questioningly.

“So, White or Red?” I asked. The confusion on Sarah’s face was priceless and it blew my almost foul mood right out of my mind.

“White or Red? Jim? What?” Sarah stammered with a look of confusion of the truly lost.

“Wine. White or Red? Which goes best with grilled pork chops and asparagus?” I asked expanding my question with a little detail. I had to grin because the complete change of subject was unexpected by her and she was flustered.

“Wha…? How did we go from you meeting a nice girl to what wine to have with pork chops?” She pleaded… but my question had done exactly what I had hoped to do. I had without words told her that I wasn’t going to entertain her intentions in fixing me up. Her look of confusion vanished as she finally comprehended what I had just done, her face literally fell into a look of trite begrudging acceptance. With a sigh she turned back to face the cart as we pushed on down the aisle towards the meat department.

“White would be my first choice… and you’re too clever… asshole…” She added with a sigh as she reached over with her right hand and patted the top of my left hand on the cart handle.

“So, you’re cooking for me tonight?” Sarah asked with a lighter tone when she realized that I wasn’t going to respond to her questions about dating and such.

“Well, I’m sure I’ll be helping, but yeah, you’re having dinner with me tonight… at your place. I gotta finish getting my groceries and of course stuff for tonight’s meal. Then we’ll take my groceries to my place and then swing by and check on your car. I figure that Dave’s going to be calling home after he lands in Jersey and gets situated. If you’re having dinner at my place, you can’t take that call, so your place it is.”

“That poor man…” Sarah spoke softly, her head bowed slightly and a pained expression flitted across her lovely face briefly.

“Yeah, I don’t envy him going through this one bit. It’s gotta be tough.” I said just as softly as we strolled along with the shopping cart.

“His mother has been slipping for some time now. She’s had dementia for a long time but it’s just gotten worse and worse and now the cancer…”

Sarah drifted off into silence as she contemplated who knows what, but the almost silent sniff told me that she was very emotional about it, or at least for Dave anyway. Without thinking about it I slipped my left hand over her right and squeezed it gently as we pushed on and gathered the rest of the items on my grocery list.

After we got checked out and had loaded my groceries into my car, Sarah had me swing by the pharmacy that she works at. She told me to sit still, she would only be a minute or two, and with that she went inside. True to her word, she came back out of the pharmacy a few minutes later with an unmistakable brown bag wrapped bottle in her hand. I should have known she would want to contribute to dinner.

“I like this brand, it’s really sweet.” Sarah declared as she refastened her seat belt, answering my questioning glance.

“I’ll defer to your better judgement then. I don’t know diddly about wines.” I admitted as I drove on down the street to my apartment complex.

Turning in to my parking lot I was happy to see an empty parking space right in front of my building. I pulled in and parked and Sarah and I got out and grabbed my grocery bags. I led her up to the front door to the building and then up the first flight of stairs to my floor and to my door. I unlocked the door and swung it open and ushered her in politely.

“Home sweet home… such that it is.” I declared sweeping an arm expansively around my tiny one-bedroom apartment.

“Oh stop. This isn’t so bad. It could use a woman’s touch to brighten it up a bit but I’ve seen worse for bachelors’ pads. Umm… Jim… I gotta pee!” Sarah said while all but crossing her legs.

“Oh sure… just drop that bag on the dining room table and go straight down the hall.” I said pointing down my short hallway connecting my living/dining room, kitchen, bedroom and bathroom.

I carried my bags on into my galley kitchen and started putting the food away. I had just brought the one bag that Sarah had carried, from the dining room to the kitchen when she emerged from the bathroom. She stopped at the doorway into the kitchen and looked at my blackout curtain hanging over my bedroom doorway. I could tell she was curious and since I had nothing to worry about or to hide, I let her satisfy her curiosity.

“Reach through the split in the middle and the light switch is on the wall next to the door jamb.” I told her as I continued putting food away. She pushed her right hand and arm through and felt for the switch then poked her head and shoulders through to look. I heard the switch get turned off and on a couple of times before she backed fully out of the curtain and turned to enter my kitchen.

“Wow! It’s really dark in there! I guess that would make it easier to sleep in the day time huh?” She exclaimed as she pulled a couple of cans of soup out of the bag and handed them to me.

“Yeah, it helps. Of course, if the neighbors aren’t cooperating, making noise, it’s still tough to sleep.” I lamented.

“Oh, I know about noisy neighbors!” Sarah said rolling her eyes, then she smirked and blushed.

“Hmmm… I wonder what that blushing is for? Perhaps my fair lady is guilty of being a noisy neighbor sometimes?” I chided her with a grin as I put the last of my canned goods in the cupboard and closed the door.

“Um… I might have been guilty a time or two… in my past.” Sarah grinned and winked.

“I suspect you have been.” I admitted as I picked up the package of pork chops and put it in the bag with the asparagus. I twisted my mouth up and pursed my lips as I scratched my chin with my right hand thoughtfully.

“Do you have any kind of rice at home Sarah?” I asked.

“I’ve got some instant rice, would that work?” Sarah asked by way of answer.

“Yeah, that could work, might have to doctor it up a bit… but we can work with that.” I smiled at her and closed the bag.

“Come on, let’s go see if Midas got your car fixed yet.” I said to Sarah as I led her back out of my little kitchen and through my postage stamp dining area to the front door. I held the door for her before closing and locking it behind me. We went down the stairs and back out to my car, then drove back to Midas.

“So, the parts come to $29.56. I didn’t charge you for the wire connectors.” Steve told us at the counter when he came back in from the shop floor.

“Okay, that’s about what I expected for the parts but thanks for the connectors.” I chuckled. “So, what’s the total bill Steve?” I asked.

“That’s it. Just $29.56.” He said as he made a note in the ledger and then typed at the keyboard of his computer for a moment.

“What’s the labor for the job?” I asked, a little puzzled.

“Nothing, you’re kind of a repeat customer. I’m sure you’ll be back again sometime. It didn’t take me long to swap out the solenoids, easy peasy.” Steve informed us with a smile and a shrug. Sarah had a look of amazement on her face for a moment or two then the smile cracked through and lit up the room. Steve was very impressed.

“You’re a prince Steve. Here put the parts on this card.” I said handing him my credit card and watching Sarah out of the corner of my eye.

“Here you go Jim. Thanks for the business. You kids take care now, okay?” Steve said as he handed Sarah her keys.

“Thank you… Steve… Seriously… thank you so much.” Sarah gushed and looked like she was going to tear up a little but was smiling that infectious smile of hers.

We made our goodbyes and walked out to the parking lot. Sarah got in her car and put the key in the ignition and turned it. Her car started right up. She did a little fist pump and I heard “YES!” from inside her car. She leaned her head out the driver side window and smiled at me. I told her I’d follow her to her house. We had dinner to make yet.

A short while later I was parked on the street in front of Dave and Sarah’s duplex. Sarah let us in and I followed her to the kitchen. We laid out the ingredients for tonight’s dinner. The pork chops, the asparagus. Sarah got the box of instant rice from the cupboard. I asked for some spices and some olive oil.

In a small glass baking dish, I spread out the asparagus after I trimmed and sorted it. I drizzled a little olive oil, then sprinkled on some garlic powder, some salt and of course some freshly ground black pepper from her pepper mill. I then put the pork chops in the same dish and repeated the seasoning with the oil and spices, on both sides of the chops. Sarah watched me but didn’t say anything. I guess I met with her approval as there was no attempt to change what I was doing. She did ask me how we were going to cook the rice. After thinking for a moment, I asked if she had any butter in the fridge. She said yes, so I said we’d just cook it per the directions on the box. Then we would doctor it up afterwards.

Sarah got busy measuring water and rice and starting a pan on the stove to bring it to a boil. I took the baking dish and a pair of tongs out to the back deck and tried to remember how to fire up Dave’s price and joy, his gas grill. Unfortunately, it was out of gas. Wouldn’t you know it? I told Sarah.

“Oh no! Now what are we gonna do?” She lamented for a moment.

I spied the little smokey Joe baby kettle grill in the far corner of the deck beside a potted plant that had died an inglorious death. I wondered as I rubbed my chin with my thumb and fingers.

“Sarah? Does Dave have any charcoal in the basement?” I asked.

“I don’t know Jim, he might. You want to go look?” She replied as she opened up the bottle of wine she had purchased earlier. And poured two glasses.

“Sure. If he does, we might be in business yet with these chops.” I said as I opened the door to the stairs leading down to the basement. I did find a half a bag of charcoal, and a small bottle of lighter fluid that was almost empty. I carried them both upstairs. I drug the little Smokey Joe grill over to the table beside the gas grill. I opened the lid and was happy to find it was relatively clean and ready to go. I asked Sarah if she had any newspaper. She did and brought me the paper. I wadded up a couple of pages and put them in the bottom of the grill. Then I took my baking dish with the asparagus and pork chops in it and tipped it up to let the olive oil drizzle down onto and soaking the newspaper.

“What on earth are you doing that for Jim?” Sarah said as she carried two glasses of wine with her through the door from the kitchen onto the deck.

“Just taking out a little insurance.” I told her cryptically with a grin and a wink.

I then poured out an adequate pile of charcoal into the grill and then stacked it up into a little pyramid. I picked up the little bottle of lighter fluid and gave it a shake again before opening the top and squirting it onto the charcoal. The meager little drizzle didn’t soak many of the briquets before it sputtered out into a wheezing little spray. I started to ask Sarah if she had any matches but when I turned to ask, she had her hand held out offering me a box of wooden matches. I smiled… she smiled… she winked. Turning back to the grill I struck a match and held it to the base of the little pyramid and the flame danced and swayed before igniting what little starter fluid that was available. There was no whoomp or burst of flames… just little licking flames that grew steadily, until the oil-soaked paper caught fire too.

Satisfied that the fire was going to survive and the briquets would begin their magical transformation into cooking worthy coals. I took the wine glass Sarah was now offering me and we took a seat on the porch swing. I took a sip of the wine and had to smile, it really was good. Not too dry, a little sweet, nice. I nudged Sarah with my right elbow and nodded at the wine glass.

“I know. Right? I really like this brand.” She said as she raised her glass to mine to toast before she took another sip.

“I’ve never been much of a wine drinker, till I met you and Dave. I’ve had more wine in the past year than I’ve had in my life.” I confessed as we watched the flames dancing in the Smokey Joe grill on the table across the deck from us.

“I’m such a bad influence… I’m sorry Jim.” Sarah said sarcastically and giggled a bit. She reached down with her left hand and took my right hand in hers, interlacing her fingers in mine and just held it.

“No, Sarah, you are not a bad influence. You are a dear and special friend with a lovely caring and loving heart. Don’t ever apologize for being yourself.” I said in a low voice, never taking my eyes off the fire.

We sat and watched the flames die down as the charcoal caught and began to smolder and turn white. I could tell that Sarah had something on her mind but for some reason she was reluctant to talk about it. I knew enough to be patient though and not pry. She would speak when she was ready. So, we both just sat there gently rocking in the porch swing, sipping our wine and still holding hands. There was a peacefulness about it that would be hard to describe to anyone who has never felt that calmness.

I was holding my glass up in my left hand gently swirling the wine still in it around and around. My eyes were on the glass but my mind was seeing other times and other places. From my right I heard Sarah take a long deep breath and felt her squeeze my right hand gently with her left just before she began to speak.

“Jim… About last night… I’m sorry I pushed you so hard to… well… you know… read your cards.” She began. I sensed this was only the opening, there was more to come so I just remained silent.

“But now that I have and… and now that I know that you were hurt so very much in the past… I have to know.” She added when I hadn’t said anything.

“Please Jim… I don’t mean to pry but I care about you and I want to know who or what hurt you so badly…” Sarah pleaded softly, almost a whisper. She leaned over and rested her head on my right shoulder while squeezing my right hand.

“What was her name?” She asked.

I tried to swallow the sudden lump in my throat as I leaned my head back on the back of the swing and gazed at the underside of the awning over our heads. It’s funny how emotions from so long ago can spring forth in less than a heartbeat sometimes. In a gravelly voice that I almost didn’t recognize as my own I responded.

“Which time?” I managed to choke out with a humorless half laugh.

“Maybe the first?” Sarah offered by way of a question.

“It would probably make more sense that way I suppose.” She added after a heartbeat, and gently nuzzled her head further into my shoulder as if to lend me a little bit of comforting encouragement.

“Her name was Michelle…” I began, and told her of my first true love and how we met in high school, only to be separated by a move to another county and another school. Later how we reunited while both working with two very dear and special teachers. I told Sarah about the special tutoring and lessons that we had with these teachers and how they became more than family to both of us… and sadly… the way that it all came to an end thanks to a senseless traffic accident caused by a drunk driver. All the while I spoke and told my tale, Sarah remained silent and her head nestled on my shoulder. A shoulder that had become damp with tears from my dear friend as she was overwhelmed by the emotions she felt for me and my dear loved ones and my loss.

“Oh Jim… that was so tragic… I’m so sorry…” Sarah said with a sniffle and squeezed my hand fiercely.

“But there’s more… more recently… isn’t there?” She asked quietly, lifting her head from my shoulder and turning to look at the side of my face.

I turned my head to face Sarah, with sad eyes and a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow. I looked back to the grill and then drained my wine glass. I pried my fingers loose from her hand and placed my empty glass in her left hand. Looking back into her eyes I saw nothing but sympathy and love along with her hopeful curiosity. Closing my eyes again and taking a deep breath I spoke.

“I’m gonna need another glass for that, and I should probably get the chops on the grill, the coals are ready to cook now.” I said standing up and busying myself with spreading the glowing red-hot coals about the bottom of the little Smoky Joe grill. I dropped the grill surface into the kettle and waited for it to heat up. I looked around Dave’s gas grill and found his wire brush and scraper. I cleared my throat and spoke loudly enough for Sarah to hear me in the kitchen.

“Could you bring some paper towels and the olive oil with you too?”

A couple of moments later Sarah stepped out of the sliding glass doorway with paper towels and the bottle of olive oil in one hand and the two wine glasses in her other hand with the wine bottle in the crook of her left arm pressed to her side. She smiled at me halfheartedly as if not to scare me off of my intent to tell her yet more of my past… my pain. I smiled just as halfheartedly and accepted the oil and paper towels. I whetted the towels with a little oil and then rubbed them on the grill surface prepping it for the chops. After I had settled both chops onto the grill and covered it with the kettle top and cracked the vent so that it would “breathe”, I turned reluctantly and went back to the swing where Sarah was sitting again.

Once seated again Sarah handed me my empty glass back and then poured some of the wine in it, not quite full but a fair amount none the less. She poured herself about the same and set the bottle by her feet off to the side of the swing. Again, she clinked my glass in a silent toast and then sipped her glass. I took a long sip of the wine myself and settled back in the swing and crossed my feet out in front of me. I began my tale of my second awakening and the girl that saved my life. Kathie… with an Eye Eee.

I told Sarah of how I had been wandering through life basically an empty shell after the tragedy that robbed me of both Michelle, the love of my life and… well… my life… and our dearly loved teacher and friend Miss Penny. How my life restarted with the meeting of Kathie at the university. How her persistence and personality wore me down, and sparked life back into the darkness of my cold empty soul and heart. How love grew and overwhelmed the both of us. Life suddenly had meaning once more, life had endless possibilities and we made plans for so many things, together forever. It was all tempered of course by her mother’s terminal illness and her rapid health decline. I spoke of how I gave her my everything, heart and soul and how I proposed to her… and she had accepted… joyously. For a time, the happiest time of my life, I was in heaven on earth. Of course, life had other plans for me it would seem.

After tending to the chops on the grill, checking and turning them, I settled back on the swing and resumed my sad tale of fate and the cruelty of life. I spoke of how Kathie’s mother declined far more rapidly than the doctors could treat her… how she eventually took her own life to end the burden on her daughter and her sister. Of course, being a Catholic girl born and raised, Sarah was immediately appalled at this but she could understand Ellie’s (Kathie’s mom) decision. Sarah was happy that the doctors recorded it as an accidental overdose so that the church would accept her remains on consecrated soil.

That was the easy part of this tale unfortunately and I knew I was going to break down when I finished this telling so I excused myself once more to check the pork chops on the grill, they were all but finished so I took some tongs and put the oiled and seasoned asparagus on the grill along with the chops and asked Sarah to get a plate or something to put the cooked food on. She hopped up and went inside to get a platter. She was back in a flash and that’s just about all it took for the asparagus to be fully cooked. I plated all the food from the grill to the platter and then replaced the grill cover and closed down the vents. We took our glasses and the food inside. I asked Sarah for a piece of foil to cover the chops and the asparagus before we went back outside to sit in the swing again.

After resuming our seats on the swing. I drained about half the wine in my glass and then set the glass in my lap and held it with both hands. Bowing my head, I closed my eyes and picked up the tale of Kathie and how my heart was broken for the second time in my life. Kathie had learned that she had the same disease, or carried the gene for it anyway and could very likely develop the illness later in her own life. She was determined, especially after having taken care of her own mother, that she would not become a burden on anyone that she cared for or loved. She also decided that she would stop this disease from continuing, at least through her own genes, by having herself sterilized.

“Oh Jim… No children? But you could adopt, right?” Sarah spoke up finally… inevitably the same arguments that I had offered myself back then.

“I said the same thing, but she said that one would only be half an answer. If she did come down with the illness, those very same adopted children would be put into the same situation that she didn’t want natural children to have to face… or anyone else…” I choked the last out before draining my glass and laying my head back on the back of the swing with my eyes clenched tightly closed but a tear leaked out all the same.

I told Sarah how Kathie had given me back my ring and told me that she would love me forever but that she would not marry me and tie me down. She knew how much I wanted a family and children so she wanted me to find another who could give me those things. I fell silent for a long long time after that. Sarah sniffed quietly next to me and wiped tears from her own eyes before she leaned into me and rested her head on my right shoulder once more.

“It’s tak… AHEM…” I cleared my throat.

“It’s taken me a long time to grow out of that abyss, again…” I said in an emotionally graveled voice.

“I can see that… and now I know why…” Sarah spoke quietly, her head still on my shoulder, her right hand now stroking my right arm up and down between my elbow and my shoulder.

“Jim… I know I asked for it… but I also know that it took a lot for you to just share what you did… with me. Thank you, for trusting me.” Sarah all but whispered and she sniffed again as I felt her tears warm my shoulder yet again. I felt my own bitter tears rolling down my cheeks and smirked. Then I realized that this was the first time I had actually told anyone, with any detail, about my past. I felt my smirk turn into a genuine, if sad, smile. I took a deep breath and released it slowly. Lifting my hands and my empty glass from my lap I turned my head towards Sarah’s and asked.

“Is there any more of that wine left?”

“That’s a great idea!” Sarah responded and straightened up then bent over and retrieved the bottle from beside the swing. She poured half a glass for me and then emptied the bottle into her own glass, about the same amount really. She smiled at me and shrugged slightly.

“I think we should drink this with our dinner.” I said and stood up and turned to offer my hand to her. She smiled up at me graciously and accepted my hand and rose to join me.

We went inside and put the food onto plates, a little of the rice then the asparagus on top of that, then a pork chop on each plate. We carried our plates to the dining room table and sat across the table from one another. I bowed my head for a brief if silent blessing as I was want to do. When I looked up Sarah was just finishing with the sign of the cross and her own silent blessing. We smiled sheepishly at one another. I sensed something new between us, a level of understanding that didn’t exist before, it felt… comfortable. We dug into the food.

Sarah was amazed at the flavor of the pork chops and just went on and on about the asparagus. Between the two of us we ate all the asparagus and most of the rice, the only thing left of the pork chops were the bones which both of us picked and gnawed at with our fingers like children. Both giggling at the other with the greasy tracks on our faces from our primitive eating strategies. With the last couple of sips of our wine we toasted one last time.

“To good friends.” Sarah said.

“To good friends.” I echoed, and we drank the last of the wine.

We both cleaned up the mess, what there was of it. Two plates, two sets of silverware, two wine glasses, one platter and a pair of tongs, one sauce pan and one spoon. Short work even if done by hand side by side at the kitchen sink. I was very aware of the warmth radiating from Sarah’s body as she conveniently or accidentally bumped or rubbed against me as we washed and rinsed and dried the dishes. The wine we had consumed had me feeling warm and toasty, and the emotional drain from my telling of my woeful tales had my head spinning and my heart racing. I had the distinct impression that Sarah was pretty much the same way. We had just placed the last plate in the cupboard when the phone rang.

“That would be Dave… I hope.” Sarah said as she stepped across the kitchen to retrieve the hand piece from the hook.

“Hello? Oh, hi honey… you did? Good. How’s your mom?” Sarah began speaking with Dave. I smiled and motioned that I was going to go use their bathroom. Sarah nodded distractedly as she listened to Dave on the other end of the phone.

Sarah was still talking with Dave when I came back to the kitchen and got a glass from the cupboard and opened the fridge freezer to get a few ice cubes. I then filled the glass with water from the tap and turned and leaned back against the edge of the sink, crossing my feet and sipping at the iced water. Sarah looked up from her seat at the kitchen table and smiled. I held up the glass silently asking if she would like one too. She smiled and nodded appreciatively. I repeated the process and set her glass down on the table in front of her. I patted her right shoulder and took my own glass into the den and had a seat on the sofa and reached for the remote for the TV and cable box. I could still hear bits and pieces of at least Sarah’s end of the conversation but I didn’t feel the need to eavesdrop on their conversation. I did catch part of Sarah telling Dave about the car and how I “came to her rescue” again.

The evening news was just going off when I flipped through the channels, nothing really much very interesting on to watch so I settled on MTV and figured I’d just enjoy a few videos while Sarah and Dave caught up with one another after today’s events. I leaned back on the sofa and let my head rest on the back and closed my eyes. I guess I fell asleep. I’m not sure if it was the wine or the food or the emotional soul baring, but I was wiped out for some reason.

I awakened sometime later to a dark room. I was momentarily disoriented and had just a moment of panic before I remembered that I had come to Sarah and Dave’s house to have dinner with Sarah. It was about that time that I realized that I had a blanket draped over me and there was something, or rather, someone warm nestled up beside me on the sofa. Sarah, of course. I felt a little awkward, but I also felt a little…excited. As soon as I realized this however, I stomped on those feelings and put them out of my mind. Not Sarah, I couldn’t do that to her or Dave. I tried to raise my left hand up to see my watch, the movement must have been enough to awaken Sarah because she stirred.

“Mmmmmm… You’re awake…” She yawned and stretched sitting up straight on the sofa beside me.

“Sarah, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I just closed my eyes for a minute…” I began apologizing only to be interrupted by her soft giggling.

“What’s so funny?” I asked perplexed.

“You! You rescue me yet again from car problems. You have my car repaired. You make me dinner and eat with me. And you bared your soul to me… that was one busy day… and you are apologizing to me for falling asleep? You are too much sometimes Jim. Here, let me get up so you can kick your shoes off and stretch out. Why don’t you just sleep here tonight?” Sarah asked as she stood up and gathered the blanket ready to spread it over me.

“That’s just it babe, I’m usually awake this time of the night… all night. You’re the one who should be sleeping. Why don’t I just go on home and let you get your rest?” I said scootching to the edge of the sofa readying to stand up.

“Oh please… please stay. You can watch TV if you’re not sleepy. I would sleep better knowing you’re here with me… besides, didn’t you drink a bit of wine earlier?” Sarah pleaded while holding the gathered-up blanket in both arms to her chest and bending over just a bit.

I sighed knowing that she was probably right, I had had some wine. Probably not enough wine to affect me but I was strongly against any sort of driving under the influence no matter how small it might be. I knew it was the right thing to do but it still felt a little like I was imposing and… well… Dave wasn’t home. Would that even be right to stay with his wife over night? Well… maybe if I stayed out here in the den on the sofa.

“Tell ya what… I’ll stay till morning. If I get a nap in great, if not I’ll sleep when I get home. Are you sure TV won’t keep you awake?” I asked giving in.

“I’ll close the door, it should be quiet enough it won’t bother me. I’ll sleep better knowing you’re here. Thank you, Jim.” She said in a relieved voice as I stretched out on my back and she draped the blanket back over me from my feet to my chin. Then she actually leaned down and kissed my forehead and patted my cheek.

“Good night, Jim.” She said smiling and shuffled off to her bedroom.

I picked up the remote and first turned the volume down to barely a whisper, then started flipping through the channels looking for something interesting. I ended up settling on Turner Movie Classics with an old black and white Humphrey Bogart/ Lauren Bacall movie. After a while It was just light and shadows flickering on the screen as my eyes unfocused on the external and my mind’s eye took over. I was revisited by sights and faces of long ago. My retelling of my woeful tales had taken far more out of me than Sarah could ever suspect. Memories once recalled have a tendency to linger. Yes, there was sadness, but thankfully there was also all the feelings of love and joy that I experienced then as well. I guess I drifted off to unconsciousness if not sleep at some point.

The next thing I was aware of was the sound of slippered feet shuffling and sliding around on the kitchen linoleum floor. I heard the tap turn on and some water run into something. After a few minutes I smelled coffee and I knew for certain that Sarah was up and awake. I sat up and rubbed my eyes before stretching my arms over my head and flexing my back. Dave and Sarah’s couch was comfortable… to sit on, but not so much for sleeping. My bladder’s urging got me to stand up and make my way to the bathroom.

Upon returning to the den and then on into the kitchen I found Sarah busy cooking scrambled eggs at the stove. She stood there dressed in what I knew was her uniform for the pharmacy. Well… except for the fuzzy slippers on her feet anyway. For some reason that sight just made me giggle. And I did… out loud. Sarah turned and gave me a curious look with one eyebrow raised in question.

“What? You never seen anyone cooking eggs before?” She asked

“Oh, it’s not that, I was just admiring your choice of footwear.” I told her with a grin as I walked over to her and leaned in and kissed her cheek before reaching for a glass for some water.

“Hey…. They’re comfortable. Are you hungry? I’ve scrambled some eggs and there’s a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster. I’m sorry I don’t have any bacon or sausage right now.” She said a little sheepishly.

“No. I mean yeah that’s fine. Toast and eggs would be wonderful but you really didn’t have to fix anything for me. What time do you have to be at work?” I asked checking my watch and seeing that it was a little after seven in the morning.

“My shift starts at eight. I usually leave around seven thirty, to make sure I get there on time. If I have to catch the bus. If I have to walk, I usually call in and they let me come in a little later but stay later to cover it.” Sarah told me as she served out the eggs on two plates and put some toast on each plate before setting them on the kitchen table.

I opened the fridge and got the butter dish and the jar of orange marmalade Sarah told me was in there. We sat down across the table from one another, me with my glass of water, and Sarah with her coffee mug. I bowed my head for a blessing and then we both dug in. The eggs… were… eggs. Hard to go wrong with them. The toast was a treat with the marmalade though. I told Sarah I’d have to get some for my fridge too. A few minutes later we were closing and locking the door behind us as we both left the duplex at the same time. Sarah gave me a hug before she climbed into her car and I waited until she started it up. All smiles, she waved at me and drove off to work at the pharmacy. I got in my car and drove back to my apartment.

Despite my naps throughout the night, I had not slept well and since I had to work that night, I figured it best if I did get some sleep. I changed into my sleep wear, sweat pants and a t-shirt, then I brushed my teeth and emptied my bladder. I remember setting my alarm for later in the afternoon but I really don’t remember closing my eyes. Next thing I knew, my alarm was ringing. Time to get up.

After answering Mother Nature’s call, I fixed a bite to eat and packed my dinner for work. I then settled in at my computer and fired it up. I checked my emails then logged on to Night Friends for a few minutes before I had to head off to work. I found a message from Dave, thanking me for rescuing Sarah yesterday and for spending some time with her. I replied with a short message telling him that it wasn’t a big deal, I was happy to do so. I noted that I was working that night and the next two but if something came up, I would be home each morning. With that, I signed off and headed off to work.

The first night of work that cycle was uneventful and it was a normal morning when I got home. I went through my daily routine, shower, a bite to eat, checking online for email and playing a game of trivia for a bit before bed. I hit the sack about an hour after I got home. So too was the second day, or in my case, night of work and getting home. Day three, or night as it were, was a little different. We had been very busy at work and I was tired when I got home that morning. I showered and contemplated just going straight to bed after that but my stomach was growling. I had just about decided to fix something to eat when my phone rang.

“Good morning!” I heard the dulcet tones of Sarah’s voice practically singing on the other end of the phone. I immediately thought that something had broken down on her car again. Funny that. You kind of get used to some things.

“Hello beautiful…” I said uncertainly as I leaned back against my counter in the kitchen and crossed my arms and my legs settling in for whatever was going to come up.

“Did I catch you before you ate breakfast?” She asked.

“Well technically it would be supper for me, but yeah, I was just thinking about what to have when the phone rang.” I admitted.

“Great! Then would you humor me and come have breakfast with me this morning?” I’m off today and I was up early and felt like cooking something. I made way too much for just me and I thought I would share it with you… if you would like that is.” Sarah practically gushed.

“Sure babe. I’ll have to put something on but I can be there in a few minutes. At least I’m clean from the shower already.” I chuckled a bit.

“Oh, you don’t have to dress up, I’ve not invited anyone else, just you and me. You can wear your sleep clothes if you want. It’ll save you from having to change when you get home before going to bed. Or you can just sleep here on the sofa if you want…” Sarah laughed a little. It sounded like music to my ears.

“Okay then… Let me grab my wallet and my keys and I’ll be there in a flash.” I said as I stood up straight and stretched.

“Great see you in a few minutes then… bye now.” Sarah chirped and the phone connection was broken.

I shook my head in wonder and hung up the phone. I did take time to brush my teeth first, but I did just grab my wallet and my keys and headed off to Dave and Sarah’s duplex. It was a short drive, as always, since they lived nearby. I parked on the curb out front and then went to the door. I was about to knock when I heard Sarah shout from the kitchen and I heard it through the screened storm door.

“Come on in Jim, the door is unlocked.” I shook my head and smiled as I opened the door and entered the familiar dwelling.

I found Sarah in the kitchen pulling a pan of hot biscuits out of the oven. The sight of her bent over at the waist in what could only be described as enticingly tight jeans was distracting. It wasn’t until she turned and saw me standing there, and was caught staring, that she grinned at me and told me to sit at the kitchen table. I blushed of course but did as she said. To my amazement and my empty stomach’s happiness I found the table was indeed set for breakfast and what a spread it was! A bowl of scrambled eggs with what appeared to be melted shredded cheddar cheese on top, another bowl with milk gravy in it that was still steaming. There was a platter with both crispy bacon and some sausage links on it. There was also a bowl of Sarah’s fruit salad that looked oh so good. I think I let out a little groan of anticipation as I sat down and my mouth began watering.

“I know… I just couldn’t make up my mind this morning.” Sarah said as she sat down at the table with a basket of the fresh hot biscuits, she had just liberated from the baking sheet.

“Wow… Sarah… just… WOW!” You can invite me over for breakfast anytime! It all looks so good. I don’t know where to start.” I said enthusiastically.

“Well, I know you say grace, so that’s where you begin.” She said with a slight blush and a pleased grin and bowed her head and did her own little blessing silently complete with the sign of the cross. I bowed my head and offered my own silent blessing, and thanks for being invited.

After that it was mostly silence as we both dug in. Biscuits were broken and slathered in gravy. Eggs heaped on the plates and devoured along with the bacon and sausages. Mostly silence that is except for the appreciative moans and groans from the both of us savoring the flavors and joys of the food she had prepared. After two helpings of everything I finally spooned a little of the fruit salad onto my plate and had to sit back to catch my breath. I watched Sarah as she too slowed down and found her beginning to study me. Something had changed in Sarah since the last time we were together. I wasn’t sure exactly but it felt… different. She was still the same lovely gal I knew as my friend and she still sounded the same but… still…different.

I decided it was the look in her eyes. Those dark brown almost ebony eyes were shining with quiet concern, and something else. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but I’d seen that look before, in other women that I had known. It wasn’t quite curiosity, perhaps just a longing to understand… or something else entirely. Definitely there was longing. And that’s what set me back on my mental heels… the look of longing in her eyes. It was unfamiliar ground between Sarah and I. I had never seriously considered her more than anything but a friend. Oh sure, a very sexy, vibrant, womanly friend but a married one that was off limits for real. I was also friends with her husband and I knew how much they loved each other. I could never do anything to jeopardize what they had together. So, I was a bit uncomfortable to say the least, at this unspoken change.

Now that we were both pretty much finished eating other than to savor a little of the fruit salad, we talked a bit. Sarah wanted to know how my night had been at work last night. I told her a little bit, of course having to explain certain parts to her as she was unfamiliar with the factory processes, I dealt with every night. She shared with me how she had slept little last night as she was worrying about Dave and his mom and that whole situation. When she spoke of Dave, she unknowingly averted her eyes as if looking off into the distance. Her hands unconsciously rubbed her arms as if warding off a chill, and there was a slight look of sadness on her face. I had the distinct impression that it wasn’t entirely about him just being away from home. I figured it was time for me to head home and get some sleep when I suddenly yawned uncontrollably out of nowhere. Sarah giggled a bit and stood to clear the table.

I helped her clean up a bit and was about to say goodbye when she took me by the hand and then hugged me closely. She quietly thanked me for keeping an old woman company for a little while. Then she pleaded, yes pleaded that I should stay. She said that I could crash on the sofa or if I wanted, she would let me lay down on their bed. It might not be as dark as my bedroom but it was fairly quiet. That’s when I put my foot in it… big time.

“Would you be in the bed too?” I jokingly asked.

Sarah stiffened, as if shocked by my offhand question, but I felt, too, something else course through her contact as we were still hugging. I could have sworn there was an electric charged that pulsed from her to me and back. Sarah pulled back at arm’s length and looked me in the face to see if she had heard me correctly. The look on her face was both full of hope and a little shocked. She blinked rapidly a few times before she finally seemed to snap out of her disbelief and realize I was just joking around.

“I would… if you wanted me to… but that might not be safe…” She said a little coyly with a slight turn of her head as she gave me a questioning sidelong glance. Those ebony dark eyes flashing momentarily.

“What I want and what is right might be two entirely different things. My head screams NO, but I have a human heart and the weaknesses of a man. I have been sorely tempted before and have failed to stay on my morals. Sarah, you know I love you and I would never want to do anything to come between yourself and Dave. You’re both my friends and I wouldn’t want to break that trust for anything. It’s probably better if I just went home. I’m tired, and weak and… god… you are oh so tempting even if you don’t think you are.” I said hanging my head with a sad smile, I was also biting my tongue. Until that very moment I had never really told or admitted to Sarah that I found her tempting. And there was that look again, in her eyes. That look of hunger, of longing, almost desperation that I couldn’t explain.

“Oh… okay… If that’s what you want. I wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable or anything.” Sarah said in a noticeably disappointed soft-spoken voice… almost sad really. The warm, if sad smile and that look in her eyes made me want to just wrap my arms around her and hold her tight until she smiled and was happy again.

“You’re off tonight and the next two though, right?” Sarah asked to confirm my schedule.

“Yeah, off for three nights, tonight being the first.” I smiled and nodded as we turned arm in arm and she walked me to the front door through the den.

Turning once more to face her at the door I took her hands in both of my hands and looked at my feet and smiled before I raised my eyes to look into hers. I had the impression that she hoped I had changed my mind. Or at very least I would be my normal flirty self with her. Instead, I swallowed the lump in my throat and smiled uncertainly at her.

“Sarah… You know you can call me for anything. But I will never take advantage of you. You are my friend first and foremost. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable just now. I thought you already knew I thought you were adorable… sexy even. Dave is a lucky man indeed.”

“Sleep well, Jim.” Was all she could say, her quivering smile and a single tear threatening to leak from her eye summing it all up. She gave me another brief hug and I turned and left.

I wasn’t very happy with myself on my drive home. I felt like a heel. I couldn’t think of what I did wrong other than joking around about her being in bed with me as I slept. Could it be that she wanted that? Could Sarah need human touch, or more? Surely not. I was still thinking these things as I kicked off my shoes and collapsed on my bed in my apartment. And, promptly fell asleep.

It was a restless sleep however, and when I awoke later around noon I just lay there in my bed and mulled over the events from that morning again in my head. Yeah, I still felt like a heel. I couldn’t shake the feeling of regret when I saw Sarah’s eyes tear up as we parted that morning. I knew that she didn’t accidentally make too much food for breakfast, she had made breakfast specifically for me. I’m sure it was an act of kindness and friendship but I also had the troubling suspicion that there were other undercurrents of motivation on her part as well.

I have been remiss… I felt like I was if not dumb as, then surely, I wasn’t one of the brightest rocks in the box so to speak. All of adult life I’ve been a keen observer of those around me. Mostly it was a way to compensate for my shyness and insecurities from early on but as I got older and more comfortable with myself and those around me, I continued to be a people watcher. I, unfortunately, have let my observation skills slip… or rather… I’ve not paid as close attention to what I observed and therefore missed clues and signs that at an earlier age I would have spotted immediately. Such it was with my friends Dave and Sarah. Sarah in particular.

I knew their stories, but I’ve overlooked more recent developments. Yes, Sarah is feeling lost and misplaced living here in Kentucky, far from her childhood home and where she grew up. All of her old friends are far away and aside from the occasional phone call she rarely hears from them and certainly doesn’t get to see them. Adrift in a strange land with her sole anchor, Dave, often busy or away with work, she was lonely and obvious to me now… depressed. Sarah, fights it though, and does a marvelous job of hiding it for the most part. Her vibrant personality and drive to please others make others think that she’s happy and content. But I know… now… that she’s not. This morning was just another cry for help in her own way.

The thoughtless joking comment… question really… about her being in the bed with me as I slept hit too close to home. I see that now that I actually thought about it. Her heart had leapt and for a moment her hopes soared. Then realizing I was only joking… even if I was so tired and drowsy from a wonderful breakfast… she nearly crashed. The quivering smile and the teary eyes haunt me now. How could I have been so thoughtless. Yeah… I was a heel. I needed to make this right. I needed to show Sarah that she was important to me… that she was special.

I rolled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom to empty my bladder and wash my face. As I stood there at the sink, I looked at my face and in particular, my own eyes. These eyes have seen so much beauty and so much sadness. Witnesses to so very much longing and hurt from peoples’ past as well as the sparks of hope and happiness and joy… and yes… love. I grimaced at myself as I recalled seeing a mixture of all that in Sarah’s eyes this morning. What to do? Sighing, I went ahead and shaved and then stripped out of my sweats and climbed in the shower.

Later as I was drying off, the phone rang in my kitchen. Still rubbing the towel over my head, I stepped the three or four steps down the hall and reached around the doorway to pick the phone up off the hook.

“Hello?” I spoke.

“Well, hi there…” a slightly amused but smokey sensuous voice all but purred through the receiver.

“Barb?” I said standing up straight and dropping the towel as I switched the receiver from one hand to the other, my face brightening at the mere sound of her voice.

“Oh, you still remember the sound of my voice, do you?” Barb said with a chuckle. I could just see her smiling eyes and lips in my mind.

“Beautiful, I could never in a million years forget the sound of your voice.” I replied in all honesty.

“So, is the training for the new job all completed? You’re calling me to tell me you’ll be home tonight or tomorrow maybe?” I asked trying not to so as desperately hopeful as I indeed felt.

“Oh Jim… I wish I could tell you’d I’d be home tonight… or even tomorrow…” Barb lamented in an almost sorrowful tone. Damn.

“They changed two of the jobs so much that they’ve extended the training for another week. I’m afraid I won’t be getting home this week. I’m so sorry babe. I’ll make it up to you soon though.” She sounded a little more hopeful and then I could hear her changing gears even if I couldn’t see the look on her face. She knew me too well and was about to stroke my ego I just knew it.

“I’m sure you can find someone else to keep you company for a little while. You’ve probably been chasing two or three while the cats away, haven’t you?” She asked with a bit of a giggle on her end of the phone line.

“Now Barb… you know I don’t talk about my friends in that way.” I admonished her with mock severity… then sighed in defeat.

“Actually, I’ve been good the whole time you’ve been gone… working too much too.” I lamented.

“Uh huh, I’m sure you’ve been good… you’re always good!” She giggled out loud.

“Well… I try. But seriously, no dates really. I went out a couple of times with a gal that another friend tried to set me up with. Little did she know that the gal was more interested in HER than she would ever be in me.” I laughed. I knew Barbra knew exactly what I was alluding to as she had friends who lived alternative lifestyles so to speak.

Since Barb actually knew Sarah and Dave from several Night Friends get togethers and from online, I told her a little bit about the varied attempts that Sarah had made at matchmaking for me. Barbra got a laugh out of that but in the end, she sobered up a bit and told me that Sarah had a good heart and I should appreciate what she tried to do. Of course, I told her I did appreciate it but I had told Sarah that she had to stop it all the same. I also went on to tell her about Dave having to fly home to Jersey for his mom, and how he had asked me to keep an eye out for Sarah while he was gone. I related the incident with her car breaking down at the airport and getting it to the Midas shop to get it fixed. Lastly, I told her of the fiasco this morning. How Sarah had made a wonderful breakfast and invited me over after I got home from work and how in my exhaustion addled, full bellied, disjointed mind I had jokingly asked about her being in the bed she had offered to let me sleep in. Barb was uncharacteristically quiet for a few moments.

“Jim… She’s not trying to fix you up any longer. She’s all but throwing herself at you. You know that, right?” She informed me and then posed the question of whether or not I was aware if this.

“This morning, I think I had a glimmer of that notion… as I was driving home. This afternoon, after having thought about it and thinking back over the past few weeks… Yeah… I think I get that impression too.” I admitted with a forlorn sigh.

“Barb… she’s a friend… Dave is a friend… I… I really don’t want to get in between them and mess up their lives. They really do love one another, I know it…” I said as I slumped against my kitchen wall by the phone and slid down to a crouching position… still dripping a little water off my naked body. The towel I was drying with, by my feet as I rested my elbows on my knees and held my head in my hands. Well… one hand, as the other held the phone to my ear anyway.

“Oh Honey, I’m not saying that you should, or shouldn’t. I know you and your big wonderful heart lover… you will do what’s right by her. You always do for those you care for.” Barb reassured me in an almost motherly tone. It was like her words were stroking the back of my head like a warm soft hand, that she would have surely done had she been beside me in person.

“But that’s just it, Barb, I’m not sure I know what to do this time. I don’t want to hurt her feelings… well… more than I already have I suppose. I just feel like such a heel. I never saw this developing with her.” I said in an exasperated voice… not quite whining but not optimistic either.

“Listen to your heart Jim, you’ll know what to do. Just give her time… your time. You’ll make her feel just as special as you have me, or any of your other “friends”, I know you will. I love you darlin’.” Barb said in a warm steady voice, the affection just oozing out of every word.

“I love you too Barb… You know that… right?” I replied.

“I know it, and I cherish it lover. I’ve got to go now, I’m sorry about not coming home sooner but it’ll be soon. Take care of your friend Sarah, Jim. I’ll try to call you in a few days. I love you… Bye” Barbra said in way of parting.

I took a long deep breath and leaned my head back against the wall behind me and looked to the ceiling. I wasn’t actually seeing the ceiling of course, my mind was off on a tangent somewhere inside the vortex of whirling thoughts and emotions bouncing around inside my noggin. It wasn’t until the air-conditioning kicked on that I shivered and realized that I was still damp and very naked having answered the phone after getting out of my shower.

I stood up and hung up the receiver, retrieved my towel and resumed drying off as I walked towards my bedroom across the hall and through my black out curtain. I glanced at my wind-up alarm clock on my headboard and the word, time, roared in my head. Barb had suggested that I give Sarah my time. In other words, spend some time with her, give her my attention. I could do that. Carefully, I admonished myself. I remembered Sarah mentioning that she worked a short shift today at the pharmacy, so I knew that she would be getting off work in about an hour. If I hurried, I could catch her before she left work.

I got dressed and then looked through the paper to see what movies were showing at the theaters. Not really having a preference I just took the movie listings with me and headed out of my apartment. As I drove to the pharmacy where Sarah worked, I planned, or at least called myself planning what I would do for her this evening. I wanted to surprise her, ambush even, in a good way. I wanted to sweep her off her feet so to speak. First, showing up at her job would be surprise to start with. Openly flirting with her in front of her coworkers could be fun.

I was going to ask her, first, if she wanted to go to dinner, on me… anywhere. Secondly, I wanted to get a couple of bottles of that amazing white wine she picked out last week. Of course, I had thoughts of taking her to a movie if she so desired… I’d let her pick the show even. I wanted her to feel special, to feel appreciated and loved. I could do that. I could give her my time and attention. I owed her that much for the friendship that both she and Dave had given me over the past year or so.

When I got to the small shopping center where the pharmacy was located, I parked my car and went inside. I didn’t see Sarah at the register so I figured she must be stocking shelves or doing something in the back maybe. I walked to the back where the wines and spirits aisle was located. I found that white wine that Sarah had fallen in love with but thought I might play it up a little I caught one of the other girls who worked there and asked if she could send Sarah out to help a customer with the wine. She gave me a slightly puzzled look but then shrugged her shoulders and said sure, she’d send her right out.

I was kneeling down, well… squatting actually, with my back to her when Sarah came around the end of the aisle. She didn’t immediately recognize me from that angle, which was good.

“Hi sir. I was told you were having trouble finding a wine. How may I help you?” Sarah asked politely in her most friendly customer service voice.

“Well, I don’t know… I kind of like several of these but a friend of mine is quite taken with this new white that she told me about…” I began but I knew instantly that Sarah recognized me now.

“Jim! What are you doing here?” She asked in a happy voice.

“Oh, just picking up some wine for a date later tonight maybe. I don’t know if she’ll want to just hang out at home or go out to dinner and a movie.” I said with a shy grin and glanced away as if very interested in the wines again.

“A date? Wait! You got a date tonight? Oh my god! That’s great!” Sarah effused excitedly. I think she was genuinely happy to hear it.

I pulled two bottles of the white off the shelf and we headed towards the registers up front at a slow walk. Sarah was arm in arm and she leaned in conspiratorially trying to get more information out of me.

“Is it someone I know?” Sarah asked. “Is she online at Night Friends?” She continued to pepper me with questions. My silence and mischievous grin were starting to agitate Sarah a little though.

When we got up front, Sarah went around the end of the counter and to the register to ring up my bottles of wine. She was still grinning at the thought of me going on a date but chagrined that I was not forthcoming with the who and what and other pertinent information. Sarah’s coworker returned from the back and was doing something behind the counter, eavesdropping mostly I suspect. I figured now would be a good time to let Sarah know who I had intended on seeing that evening.

“So, you get off work in a little bit… right?” I asked trying to seem nonchalant about my curiosity.

“Yeah, just another twenty minutes actually.” Sarah responded as I handed her the money for my wine purchase.

“Have you had dinner yet?” I asked, knowing full well that she wouldn’t eat till she got home.

Sarah gave me a curious look as she counted out my change. I couldn’t help but to smile a little but still tried to keep a straight face.

“No…. I haven’t.” She answered with that one lone eyebrow rising slowly as she turned her head ever so slightly and her chin went down just a bit affecting that sidelong glance that so many women have mastered.

“What would you be in the mood for? Dinner I mean?” I asked, biting my lower lip and raising both my eyebrows as I idly traced circles with the index finger of my right hand on the countertop. It took a moment or two but you could almost literally see the light bulb go on over her head. Her eyes lit up and her mouth opened slightly in surprise.

“Jim! Are you asking me out?” She exclaimed almost disbelievingly. Her coworker leaned over and in mock conspiratorial fashion whispered loudly “I think he is Sarah.”

I couldn’t help but to smile brightly at that and I nodded. My eyebrows were still raised in question awaiting her reply.

“Are you serious?” She asked again still wondering if she heard me correctly. So, I made it plain and simple with a new request.

“Sarah, would you do me the honor of accompanying me to dinner this evening, and maybe even join me in seeing a movie as well?” I paused a moment then added… “Or we can just go to your place or mine and drink all this wine.” I giggled. That’s when I thought I might have made a mistake.

Sarah’s startled demeanor turned pensive for a moment then her eyes began to tear up and her bottom lip began to tremble. “Oh no!” I thought to myself… “She’s going to cry! What have I done wrong now?” I wondered, my mind going at light speed. But I needn’t have worried as that trembling lip turned up into a big bright smile, even if her eyes were still watery and threatening to overflow.

“Katie, would you mind if I left a few minutes early tonight?” Sarah asked her coworker, who it turned out was actually her boss. Who knew? Katie smiled and then winked at me before telling Sarah that it would be fine. Sarah smiled and hugged her then told me she’d be right back. She was pulling off her apron or smock or whatever they called that “uniform” garment that all the pharmacy employees wore while working, even before she got to the end of the counter and went around the corner to the back room. Katie looked at me and smiled. She looked over her shoulder to see if Sarah was within earshot or not then turned back to me.

“You are Jim, the guy that fixes Sarah’s car and comes over for dinner and games and stuff… right?” She stated more than asked really. I tilted my head slightly to one side and nodded.

“That would be me, yes. I hope you haven’t heard too many wild stories about me.” I said a little sheepishly.

“Nothing but good things actually, but you’re a little shorter than I had envisioned… sounds like you’re ten feet tall and glow in the dark to hear Sarah tell it.” Katie told me with a wry smile just as Sarah came around the corner from the back carrying her purse and fussing with her hair a bit nervously, but beaming that beautiful smile all the same. Sarah and I said goodnight to Katie and I waved as we headed out of the pharmacy to the parking lot.

I had parked next to Sarah and Dave’s car when I arrived earlier so as we walked out to the cars Sarah was a little surprised when I opened my passenger side door and held it for her. The happy confused smile in her eyes and on her face warmed my heart. After she was seated, I closed the door and went around the car to get into the driver side. I set the bag with the two bottles of wine in the floor board behind my seat first. After fastening my seatbelt, I started my car and then turned to Sarah, trying to keep a straight face but failing somewhat as the corners of my mouth turned up.

“So, what kind of cuisine would the lady prefer this evening?” I asked and then bit my tongue to keep myself from giggling.

“Are you serious? Jim! You really meant it when you said you were taking me to dinner?” Sarah asked still doubting her own ears I suppose.

“Yes, Sarah. I meant it. You’ve been really good to me, for a long time. You care for me, you try to make me happy… even if I didn’t need to be helped. You cook for me all the time and I love your company. I want to show you that I appreciate you for the friend you are and the beautiful woman that you are. It would be my honor to have you with me for a dinner, a movie or anything else you might so desire.” I said in a soft voice and I meant every word of it. Sarah’s eyes darted back and forth between my eyes studying them trying to see if I was trying to pull her leg or kidding around. “So…” I continued, “What would you like to have for dinner tonight?” I asked with a sincere smile.

“I don’t know…” Sarah all but whined but she was smiling brightly even as her eyes clouded once more with tears. “Take me someplace that you like maybe…” She offered.

“Okay… hmmm… Someplace different from what you might be used to…” I pondered out loud as I gazed off into the distance as I thought about the possibilities. Then it dawned on me. A place that holds both wonderful amazing happy memories and also some very sad ones. I snapped my gaze back onto Sarah’s face and her eyes and smiled mischievously.

“I think I know a place you might like.” I said as I put my car in gear and pulled out of the parking space to begin our trek to our dinner destination.

On our way there I told Sarah a little bit about “the Ho”. Tolly Ho’s, The epitome of the greasy spoon, a landmark on campus and a home away from home for many students over the decades. I spoke of the many get togethers and meetings with friends and special someone’s over the years in my own past. I tried to paint her a mental picture of what to expect but I think I fell far short. I know that when we finally did get there she was just blown away.

Walking through the door at the Ho we were nearly deafened by the loud music coming from the jukebox. The low lighting accompanied by the many and various neon signs and advertisements on the walls gave the Ho a smoky bar room feel. There wasn’t much real smoke though, not too many who came to the Ho smoked, but even had there been smoke the perpetual grease laden air would have filtered the smoke, I’m sure. The front part of the place was taken up with tables and booths much like any classic diner, there was a long bar running along one side that served as the ordering counter as well. Midway through there was a game room with various coin operated video games and classic pinball tables. Further back there was a pool table that always seemed to be in use day and night.

I watched Sarah’s face, her eyes alight in wonder and delight as she took it all in. We found a seat in one of the booths but I made sure it was one that we could see pretty much the whole place. As is usually the case, most of the patrons at the Ho were college students, so Sarah and I both felt a little old as we watched the antics and mingling of the kids around us. I must have gotten a wistful look on my face, something a little sad perhaps because Sarah reached over the table and laid her hands on my own and looked deeply into my eyes. She was searching to see if I were okay, I know. I smiled at her and winked and shrugged as the music blared and the crowd noises bombarded all of our senses.

We both ordered cheeseburgers with everything on them. A large order of the greasy shoestring fries and a pitcher of Dr. Pepper. I also got an order of the fried banana peppers. That turned out to be a hit, as Sarah had never had fried banana peppers before. I thought I might have to make a second order of them. After we ate, we checked out the game room and each played the pinball machines a couple of times. All the while Sarah was beaming like a young girl. Her eyes literally sparkled with joy and happiness.

Ah, we had to move on before too long though. Our poor ears were nearly numb by the time we exited the Ho. I walked arm in arm with Sarah back to my car. The sun had already set by then and the street lights were coming on. After opening her door and letting her get seated, I got in on my side of the car and just sat there smiling for a bit as Sarah continued to rave about how much fun that was.

“The night is not over yet girl…” I told her giving her that half smirk that I usually have when I’m up to something.

“What do you mean?” Sarah asked in a guarded voice.

“I still want to take you to a movie… if you’re up for it that is.” I said as I pulled the newspaper movie guide section from my door pocket and opened it up. I turned on the dome light and read off several movies that were showing and their times.

“You were serious about a movie too?” Sarah asked incredulously.

“I was, and still am. I mean I’m not going to make you go to a movie if you don’t want to but I thought it would be nice to get out of the house for a while.” I said with a shrug, still grinning.

And so we went to a movie, a chick flick for sure! The Bodyguard. Oh well, I had to squirm during the romantic scenes, but Sarah just loved the movie. Of course, the end left her feeling saddened and excited at the same time. Still though, she had a good time. It was getting late by this point and I figured I should be getting my lovely “date” home… or rather back to her car at the pharmacy and then follow her home to make sure she got there okay. As we drove from the theater towards the pharmacy we were about to pass by Jerry’s, another memory laden hangout from my past. Sarah surprised me but asking me to stop in. She felt like a hot fudge cake before the night ended. I swallowed a lump in my throat and smiled and pulled into the parking lot.

Jerry’s is another longtime favorite for those who are out late at night or the wee hours of the morning. It wasn’t that late this night, of course, so the drunks and late-night partyers still hadn’t started showing up just yet. It was a little busier than what I remembered most of the times I had been here long ago. Sarah and I waited to be seated by one of the hostesses who were a bit frazzled, I think. It was a little startling then when a pair of arms wrapped around me from behind and I felt my ribs compress with a whoosh. The bright happy “JIMBO!” nearly blew out my left eardrum. The startled look on Sarah’s face registered in part of my mind even as another part identified the voice that greeted me so loudly in my ear. Those arms could only belong to one very bold brash woman. Well… maybe two, but judging from the size of the breast squashed against my back I knew it could only be the one.

When I was finally released, I turned to behold this bear hugging buxom beauty. Yeah, she was still butch as butch can be but those absolutely gorgeous big brown eyes gleamed with happiness at meeting me out and about after not seeing one another for such a long time. Standing there in a cutoff sweatshirt that bared her midriff and dangerously close to revealing her very womanly charms that jutted out bigger than life. Her tight faded jeans couldn’t help but show off her slim waist and curvy hips and that very tight backside that would make any man bite his knuckles. Her hair was longer than the last time I had seen her but it was still tucked under an old baseball cap and her ears still looked like a Christmas tree with too much tinsel and ornaments. And that smirk. Like she knew a very juicy secret and she wasn’t going to share it.

“Sam! Oh my God! How are you doing girl? Long time no see!” I gushed

“Yeah, it’s been a while Farm boy… what have you been up to?” Sam asked, but even as she said that she was checking out Sarah who had eased up to me and slipped her arm in mine, almost possessively. I hadn’t missed that but I was a little surprised by it and the look in Sam’s eyes told me she thought there was more than there actually was between Sarah and I.

“Sam, I’m sorry… this is Sarah, a very dear friend of mine, we’ve been out playing tonight, just saw a movie earlier.” I said as I began introductions.

“Sarah, this is Sam… Samantha, but don’t let her know I told you that…” I grinned at Sam. “Sam is a friend from way back… we…” and my voice faltered as I felt all those old emotions and the pain associated with them come rushing back and choked me up. Luckily Sam stepped in and saved me.

“We had a bunch of the same friends…” She started but she too had to look away for a moment and take a deep breath before turning back to us smiling. Just as someone wrapped a pair of arms around her from behind. A cloud of curly auburn hair appeared over Sam’s shoulder and a pair of turquoise blue green eyes peeked out around Sam’s ball cap.

“Terry?” I asked in almost a whisper. My heart really was stumbling now. I know Sarah had to be confused with the sad smile and almost teary eyed looks the three of us were sharing.

“Terry?” I heard Sarah ask as well from my side. I turned to look at Sarah and saw that there was recognition on her face. I did a double take, looking back and forth between Sarah and Terry.

Terry released Sam and stepped around her she held out her arms to Sarah and they embraced like old friends. Okay now I was confused. Then it was Sarah’s turn to be confused as Terry turned to me smiling shyly then stepped over to me and put her arms around me and hugged me like a long-lost brother.

“Okay… Now I’m confused. Jimbo, I know you know Terry, but how do Terry and Sarah know each other?” Sam spoke for all of us, I think.

“Well, Terry and I had the same… uh… teachers, years ago… and we both worked for Dom’s for a while.” I offered up.

“I know Terry from her making deliveries to the pharmacy I work at.” Sarah added for her part.

Terry just stood there still holding me and looking back and forth between Sam and Sarah and actually blushing a little… well actually a LOT. I knew that Sam’s preference leaned, while not exclusively, but predominantly towards other females. Terry was also a free agent and swung both ways from time to time… Sarah on the other hand knew none of this, so I was a little worried about what I should say or explain.

Sam caught on quickly though and in a way, she saved me from having to make any embarrassing revelations. She didn’t care one way or the other what people thought so she just put it out there.

“Terry’s one of my girls!” Sam proclaimed just as the hostess approached us and asked if we needed a table for four.

Sam and I looked at one another as did Sarah and Terry and then we all glanced around to one another and shrugged or nodded. I told the hostess that yes, a table for four would be fine. She grabbed some menus and some silverware wrapped in napkins and asked us to follow her. We ended up in a booth Sarah scooted in first on one side and I sat next to her, Sam and Terry sat opposite of us, Terry sliding in first to be across from Sarah. All the girls ordered coffee and I asked for a large coke. We all sat there in silence for a few moments after the waitress went off to get our drinks.

“So, what do you mean one of your girls?” Sarah asked a little timidly looking at Sam. Sam smirked her trademark grin that reminded me so very much of our mutual friend Jules. Terry Glanced at me then Sara and kind of bowed her head a little and blushed while biting her bottom lip. Sam gave me a veiled questioning look and all I could do was shrug.

“She’s a girlfriend, one of very few dear friends I might add. We hang out now and then.” Sam explained in what I thought was an acceptably vague manner.

“Wow… I had no idea you knew Jim Terry. Maybe I should have invited you to dinner instead of Franky…” Sarah half mumbled and gave me a sidelong glance that was a bit sheepish and embarrassed.

I raised my left hand and set it atop of hers on the table as she toyed with her silverware that was wrapped in the paper napkin. Sam didn’t miss this, nor did Terry. Both looked at me and gave me sly little smiles but didn’t say anything about it. Well, about my reassuring Sarah anyway, Sam did speak up at the mention of Franky’s name.

“You know Franky? Redhead with a gap in her front teeth?” Sam asked brightly, her big deep chocolate brown eyes shining brightly and her eye brows dancing under the brim of her ball cap.

“That has to be the same Franky.” Sarah giggled at the de***********ion. “She really is a sweetheart, isn’t she? I invited her over for dinner hoping to have her meet Jim here and maybe see some fireworks. They seemed to really hit it off at first…” Sarah added with a slightly defeated sigh then grinned and shrugged her shoulders.

Terry glanced at me with tight lips and her reddish eyebrows dancing over her blue green eyes that were filled with amusement. Sam tilted her head down a bit and looked up at me through her eyelashes and bit her bottom lip, the look was plain and clear to me… “should I tell her?” she was silently asking me. I just frowned slightly and gave a barely perceptible shake of my head. I should have known that that was not going to cut it with Sam though. Her questioning look morphed into one of devilish delight and that devious little glint filled her brown eyes. Raising her head, she cocked it a little to one shoulder leaning towards Terry a bit but looking at Sarah who was looking at her intently.

“Terry, I think Jimbo here is trying to save this hot little number some embarrassment. I don’t think she quite understands.” And with that statement she flipped her head slightly back to the other side as she waited for Sarah to say something… anything.

“What do you mean, save me embarrassment?” Sarah asked then she turned her head to look at me to see if I would enlighten her further. Under the table I kicked Sam’s foot and above the table I hung my head and shook it sadly, resignedly, knowing I was going to have to explain and having a feeling I was going to get some backlash for having kept my silence about Franky… Francine…

“Sarah…” I said, then sighed before continuing. I glanced up at Sam to see that she was grinning at me and she raised one eyebrow as if to say “Well?”

“Franky is a lovely girl and I like her very much. I really shouldn’t say this, especially as I promised HER that I WOULDN’T…” I emphasized while staring at Sam. “Franky likes the same kinds of things I like… or rather the same kind of people I like.” I said, still trying to beat around the bush.

“You mean like me?” Sarah asked still puzzled.

“Um… yeah… but… well… Oh hell. Sarah, she likes girls more than boys. When you invited her over to dinner, she thought that maybe you liked her in the same kind of way. She realized it pretty quickly though and was a little embarrassed that she had thought wrongly. I figured her out while we were eating dinner. We talked after we left that night and she asked me not to tell you because besides being interested in… more… she really does like you as a friend. It would break her heart if she hurt you or alienated you because of her own preferences. She would very much like to remain friends with you even if nothing else would ever happen.” I finished with my head down staring at the tabletop, almost fearing to look up at Sarah’s face to see how she was taking the news.

I needn’t have worried though, Sarah was nowhere near so shallow as to be offended like I had feared she might be. When I felt her hand slide over top of my left hand on the table, I finally looked up to see her smiling at me with those soft dark eyes of hers. She then cocked her head slightly to one side as a thought crossed her mind. She turned to look at Terry.

“So… does that mean that you are…” She couldn’t quiet ask it but the question was there all the same. Surprisingly it was Sam that answered again.

“Sarah, Terry is bi. She likes guys just fine, but sometimes she likes us gals too. I think it’s beautiful, just like she is.” Sam declared and leaned over and bumped shoulders with Terry in a very tame show of fondness and solidarity. Terry Looked at Sam with a look of thanks, then glanced at me and then at Sarah and shrugged her own shoulders but smiled that enigmatic smile of hers, just a slight upturn of those full gorgeous lips.

Our waitress showed back up at that moment with the girls’ coffees and my soda. We all ordered something to eat, Sarah and I the hot fudge cake that we had stopped specifically to get. Sam and Terry ordered a plate of fries. After she left to fill the orders the four of us at our table began to talk again. We had cleared the air a bit, explaining some connections, how everyone knew each other. We talked about friends, both now and from our past. Sarah learned that Sam was my Michelle’s roommate back when. That Terry and I, Michelle, and even Sam and Jules had all been students who were tutored by those two very special ladies that I had told Sarah about. As such we were all really kind of like family, maybe more so than just friends. Sarah seemed to like that. The look of love in Terry’s eyes and more profoundly, the same look in Sam’s eyes as I declared them my family almost made me tear up just as they were. Nobody cried but our voices did get a little tight for a minute or two.

Sarah kind of fell in love with my two dear friends that evening, I think. Even if Sam did end up flirting with her shamelessly. Sam would have made Jules proud I think, both of them are just… well… shameless when they meet a girl they like. Eventually we decided that it was time to go. The food had been eaten, and several refills of coffee consumed. A quick stop at the restroom was in order before we left though. Even I had to empty my bladder. Sam and I ended up back at the checkout register before Sarah and Terry. We paid our bills and waited on the other girls to get back to us. We all walked out to the parking lot together. To make our goodbyes.

Sarah and Terry hugged. Sam, of course, being Sam, bear hugged me, this time from the front, pressing those massive sweater puppies of hers complete with their pierced nipples and hidden jewelry right into my chest. The facetious grin on her face as she knew I indeed enjoyed the close contact. Maybe it was the teasing she was giving me or maybe it was my own competitiveness but I upped the ante so to speak but reaching my hands that were at waist level where my arms were pretty much pinned to my sides by Sam’s bear hug… I reached around and grabbed her by the ass and picked her up off her feet. Sam let out a whoop and started laughing as I set her back down. Sarah hadn’t seen it but Terry had and she was grinning from ear to ear at me and shaking her head. We all said goodbye and I opened the door for Sarah to get into my car. We waved to Sam and Terry as I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to the pharmacy to get Sarah’s car.

“Well, that was fun!” Sarah exclaimed as we drove. “It sure is a small world sometimes isn’t it, Jim?” she asked.

“Yes, it is Sarah, yes, it is.” I agreed softly and smiled warmly.

The rest of the drive to the pharmacy was quiet with only the music on the radio breaking the silence. I was lost in my thoughts, having run into Terry and Sam had sent my mind spinning back to an earlier time in my life, one that I had just recently shared some of with Sarah. The loss of my Michelle and our dear teacher still made my chest tight and hard to breathe… There were no tears this time, just a little watering in my eyes maybe. Still though, it was good to see the girls out and about. I was happy that they got along so well with Sarah and delighted that Sarah took to them as well. I wondered how Sarah was feeling about my complicity to keep quiet about Francine though. Maybe I wouldn’t hear about it this night but maybe in the future. Oh well, life is funny sometimes.

“Here we are, back to your chariot.” I kidded as we pulled up next to Dave and Sarah’s car in the parking lot of the pharmacy.

“Yeah, I hope it starts.” Sarah quipped, mostly from habit, I think.

“Jim, I had a wonderful time tonight. I haven’t had this much fun in a long time. Thank you so much.” She said as she reached out to hold my right hand.

“I should be thanking you, Sarah. I couldn’t have hoped for a more lovely date or better company.” I said in all honesty.

I saw her swallow and her eyes mist over a bit again. Her smile was still there but it quivered a bit as she squeezed my hand and turned to climb out of my car. Before closing the door, she asked me if I would wait to make sure her car would start. I laughed and told her I had planned on following her home to make sure she got there okay. She did a double take and smiled again, then said thank you again.

Sarah’s car did start just fine, with a honk of her horn she led off towards her and Dave’s duplex. I followed her as I had said I would. When we got their house, I sat in my car and watched her climb out and go to her front door and open it. She turned and waved to me before going inside. I put my car back into gear and was about to pull off and head home when I remembered the two bottles of wine in the floor board behind my seat. I put my car back in park and turned it off I got out and grabbed the wine and walked to their front door. I rang the bell and stood there waiting.

Sarah opened the door and had a startled but seemingly happy look on her face. I held up the bag with the bottles of wine. She looked at the bag then back at me slightly puzzled.

“I bought these for my date…” I said and smiled a little sheepishly maybe. “I probably will never drink them at home by myself so I thought I’d leave them here with you. You can share some with me next time I’m over for dinner or whatever.” I told her.

I held the bag out for Sarah to take from me. She looked into my eyes and I saw that glimmer again. Hope? Desperation? Longing? So much confusion it almost made my own head spin. Instead of reaching for the bag she instead reached for me. She put her arms around me and buried her head against my shoulder and hugged me for all she was worth.

“Oh Jim, you are too much!” she sobbed into my shoulder as she began to shake in my arms that had somehow wrapped around her out of reflex I suppose.

Okay, now I was confused. I thought Sarah had had a great time tonight, I thought I had managed to make her happy. But here she was hugging me and crying… sobbing even… What did I do wrong?

“Hey! Hey! Hey! What’s all this? Sarah? What’s wrong?” I pleaded even as I held her gently while she sobbed.

“Nothing is wrong…” Sarah began and sniffed loudly as she tried to reign in her emotions. “You were wonderful tonight. I haven’t had so much fun in a long time. Thank you, thank you, thank you Jim…” She said and paused to sniff again.

Sarah released her bear hug on me and leaned back to turn her puffy eyes and trembling smile up to look me in the face. Those teary glossy deep dark eyes searched mine for a moment, darting back and forth from one eye to the other. Our faces were just inches apart, her ragged breath on my neck, her racing heart almost loud enough for both of us to hear.

“Jim… I…” She all but whispered. Her face moving closer to my own in slow motion.

“Sarah… We… I…” I responded in the same whispered voice even as my own face came closer to hers.

Our faces tilted ever so slightly, instinctively. Our noses barely brushing against one another as our lips collided in a soft velvety tentative embrace. Just the lips, brushing hesitantly in pillowy softness. After a moment we both pulled back and looked one another in the eyes, searching, questioning, admitting our need and longing. Then our eyes were closed and our lips were pressed together again, this time passionately, hungrily as if we were both drowning and fighting to breathe. I felt Sarah’s hands on my neck and then on the sides of my face as she pulled me into her with a desperation that only fed the fire between us. My own arms were on her back pulling her into and up to my own lips. And then I felt the first foray of Sarah’s tongue.

It darted along the outside of my teeth along my lips almost as if asking for permission to dance with my own. Of course, my tongue responded with all the joy of a love starved soul. Eagerly our tongues danced and twirled with one another as we tried to suck the breath from each other. Sarah moaned into our kiss. I felt her body almost collapse as she nearly swooned in my arms. I’m not sure how or when but I found myself falling on my ass on the sofa. Sarah somehow twisting in my lap, her arms about my head as the kissing continued unabated and still passionately searching each other even as our breathing became desperate.

Eventually we had to stop if for nothing else but to catch our breath. Sarah pulled back away from my face and I let my head fall back on the back of the sofa as my eyes searched her face. My heart was racing in my chest, I knew this was so wrong, so very wrong but if felt so very right at the same time. My thoughts were reflected in Sarah’s own as her eyes darted back and forth searching mine. Her face was flushed red from her big dark eyes all the way down her neck and into that open part of her blouse that showed her cleavage rising and falling with her panting breaths. I felt Sarah’s arms trembling even as she held my neck and head… not just her arms but her entire body, it was practically vibrating. We both began speaking at the same time.

“Sarah…”

“Jim…”

We both smiled embarrassed but I continued before she could start again.

“Sarah… You know I… You’re one of my dearest friends… I care for you, I… I… you are so very…” I sighed and closed my eyes for a moment trying to gather my wits about me.

“Jim, I’m sorry… I… I couldn’t help myself. I’ve just been so lonely and… you are so kind and attentive…” Sarah whispered, perhaps not to break the spell that had fallen over the both of us.

“I want you Sarah… any man would, but it’s… it’s not right. Dave…” I choked up still searching for the words.

“Jim… it’s been so long… Dave… he doesn’t want me anymore… not like he used to when we first got together… I don’t think he finds me attractive anymore…” She nearly choked on the words and I could feel her whole body begin to shake, as if she were about to begin crying again. Sarah buried her head in the crook of my neck on my shoulder, one hand stroking the back of my head, running her fingers through my hair. I instinctively ran my hands up and down her back to comfort her.

“Sarah, Dave is my friend… you are my friend. I love you both… it just wouldn’t be right for me to… to take advantage of you like this…” I murmured into Sarah’s ear. Sarah surprised me with a bark of laughter, bitter or maybe incredulous would better describe it.

“You? Taking advantage of me? I thought I was the one taking advantage of you.” Sarah muffled into my shoulder and she began shaking again with silent sobs.

“Oh baby, I’m so easy I don’t think anyone could ever take advantage of me… especially someone as exciting as you…” I snorted in amusement. Sarah sat up pulling away from my shoulder so that she could see my face again.

“Seriously? You think I’m exciting?” she asked with a trembling, disbelieving smile.

“Oh, my, God! Seriously? Sarah? Have you not looked in the mirror anytime lately? Do you not see yourself? Of course, you are exciting. You could turn most any man’s head. Hell! You turn the heads of other women! What’s more, you don’t even seem to know that you’re doing it! It’s not just good looks, but it’s YOU, your personality, your… your heart. You are a genuine bright spirit here on earth.” I told her as she looked intently into my eyes, appearing to be in shock at my declarations.

“Me?” She asked again. The doubt and fear and hope all fighting for dominance in her eyes. I knew I was lost at that very moment. Part of me, I guess the logical sane thinking part of my brain was screaming to STOP THIS, to get up and go home before things got more out of hand… But the other, baser side of my brain, that animalistic, instinct driven, living breathing heart beating lust filled part of my brain just took charge. The look of doubt and fear and hope in Sarah’s eyes triggered a response in me that wanted to just hold her, to take her and make her see that she was the most exciting girl in the world… that she deserved love and affection. My hands came up of their own accord and grasped Sarah’s face gently and pulled her to my lips once more.

I watched as our faces neared one another once more, Sarah’s eyes slowly closing as she gave in to her desire and then the fireworks began. Lips crushing and caressing, tongues dancing, our breath commingling and whispering those little noises of surprise and delight… the soft moans coming from both of us, softly at first but growing more urgent and louder as our hearts fell into a synchronicity, racing ever faster, ever more urgently beating.

Honestly, I don’t remember ever getting up from that sofa that night. I have but a vague recollection of being led or guided haphazardly through Dave and Sarah’s duplex, from the den where we three had spent so many hours playing cards, or board games, watching movies or TV, having meals or just relaxing with drinks. Through that den, down the hall, bouncing off of furniture and the walls as we continued our frantic lust driven passionate kissing. Shoes were lost along the way, buttons undone, fasteners unfastened.

I do recall halting beside their bed. The bedside nightstand with a little touch lamp turned on to softly illuminate the room. Sarah stood in front of me, her blouse open but still on her shoulders and arms in the sleeves. Her bra still on and secured but her chest was heaving, as she looked into my eyes intently, almost daring me not to stop her at this point. Sarah’s hands were at my waist unbuckling my belt and unsnapping my jeans. My own hands were once more on the sides of her face, my thumbs brushing her dark silky hair over and behind her ears.

When Sarah’s hand found its way inside the waistband of my boxers and wrapped around me, I was almost fully erect already. I couldn’t help but to shudder myself and gasp. The momentary surprised look on her face was replaced almost instantly with one of wanton lust. Those shining dark eyes of hers half closed and that shaky uncertain smile firmed up into something more predatory. She leaned into me again and kissed me slowly but the passion was still there. This time her eyes remained open as if she were trying to remember every moment of what was happening.

“Is this really happening?” My mind pondered “Am I going to actually do this?” That logical part of my mind queried, desperately trying to regain some control.

Sarah’s groping hand on my manhood made me forget all about that little voice or reason though, and the moan she let out was like a call to my caveman soul. I found my hands sliding Sarah’s blouse down her shoulders and arms. She switched hands in my boxer shorts to allow that blouse to fall free to the floor. My hands then found that restraining little clasp on her back that kept her bra in place. With a flick of my fingers, it was undone and that strappy cupped garment was also over her shoulders and down her arms to be discarded. Sarah’s free hand was tugging at the tail of my shirt pulling it up my abdomen and to my chest.

She released my now fully rigid and throbbing manhood and grabbed the bottom of my shirt with both hands to pull it up over my head and off. When her hands were up over my head, I let my own grasp at the snap on her own slacks. The polyester or whatever material they were made of made them stretchy and instead of fighting with the dainty little zipper, I merely hooked both of my thumbs and fingers in her waistband and tugged them down over her hips. I pulled them and her panties down her thighs and to her knees. Sarah did a little stomping step a couple of times and they were soon puddled at her feet.

I was kneeling on the floor at that point eye level with that dark silky oasis of Sarah’s fragrant and moist sex. With my hands gently on either thigh at her knees I leaned in and kissed her lower abdomen just above that sparse little tuft of pubic hair above that treasure of treasures. The humid intoxicating natural aroma that Sarah was putting off had my head spinning… even more than it already had been. My hands slowly slid up the backs of her thighs even as I pulled her closer to me. When my hands, my fingers, brushed at the divine divide between her legs and then delved into that cleft between her ass cheeks, I felt Sarah shudder with anticipation.

I gripped her ass in both hands and turned her so that her back was to the bed and I guess she understood my intentions as she let herself sit on the edge of the bed. My hands then rotated around to her hips and then back down along the tops of her thighs with my arms wrapped around under her legs. I leaned forward and began kissing her thighs, working my way from the top of her right thigh, down onto the inner thigh, then across to the inner part of her left thigh and then on up to the top of that leg as well. When I felt Sarah’s hands gently come to rest on my head, I knew it was time to stop teasing and show this amazing woman just how much she excited me.

Bringing my hands around under her legs, I placed my fingers on the insides of her thighs and gently pressed them out and apart, wider and wider as I kissed along their insides towards that almost steaming cleft between them. In the soft light of the bedside lamp, I noted that while Sarah was not one to shave her intimate areas, she was not very hairy at all. She had a very fine almost velvety soft downy covering of hair on and around her outer lips. There was a darker somewhat thicker tuft of hair on or at her pubic mound with a whispery thin trail of hair tracing up almost to her belly button.

“Oh… Jim…” Sarah moaned softly as my hands continued to caress and feel all that forbidden intimate flesh that is usually hidden from view. My fingers danced and glided across her soft quivering abdomen, tracing the crease where her legs melded into her little tummy. My hot breath, my lips and my tongue explored her femininity making her shudder and shake with growing excitement and her breath caught and gasped with each new sensation. When my tongue finally touched the tender sweet flesh of her weeping vulva, and split those outer lips to dip into that smoldering honeypot… I swear Sarah had a small orgasm… a petite mort… a little death… Sweet sweet agony indeed. I took a long deep breath, inhaling her fragrance like an addict who hadn’t had a fix in far too long. I lay my cheek against her inner thigh as she recovered for a moment… but I knew this was only the beginning. I intended to use all the skills and little tricks that I had been taught and learned over the years. I wanted to rock her world… This might only be a one-time thing… even if it should never have happened to begin with, but I wanted it to be memorable in a good way for her.

“Oh my God… Jim! So… so good!” She panted as she began to catch her breath again. Time for more. I kissed her inner thigh then my ravenous lips and tongue returned to the object of my fascination… Sarah’s velvety cleft. I slid my hands under her legs at the knees and lifted and separated them, pushing them up gently causing her womanhood to open up like the lust filled flower that it indeed was. Her inner lips peeking out in all their moist goodness were the first thing I devoured. I sucked them in and tongued them drawing them out even further, and drawing out a long melodious gasping moan from Sarah.

“So beautiful…” I murmured loud enough so that Sarah would hear me and then my lips and tongue rejoined that heaven scented flesh. I let my right hand slide down the underside of Sarah’s left thigh, on the top as it was now bent over with her legs up towards her chest. The fingers fanning and feathering Sarah’s outer lips and then the inner lips as they made their way to the entrance of her molten core. I traced the opening with a delicately light touch of my index finger, tracing and drawing her own moisture down onto that sensitive patch of skin between her downy muffin and her proud little brown puckering rose bud. When my tongue repeated the same tracing and then circled and dabbed at that rose bud, I thought Sarah was going to take flight as her hands and arms began flapping against the bedspread.

Leaving that erotic little beacon, my tongue glided to that opening to delve in as deep as it could go to lap at the nectar that was now seeping out in ever more copious amounts. Now it was my turn to moan again. Oh my God it was so good. Tangy and earthy with a hint of sweetness and something else that I couldn’t quite define… something unique to Sarah herself I supposed. I wanted more of it, so I set my fingers to delve deeper than my tongue could reach, to plumb the depths of Sarah’s flower… to draw out more of her sweet juices.

As my index finger was joined with a second finger, I turned them upward to hook and scratch at the insides even as my tongue explored the very top of those lips and then onto Sarah’s hooded pearl. That little button of super sensitive flesh of her clit. By this point in my life, I knew that it was best not to out and out attack that little lust switch directly, at least not at first. It was far better to tease it out from its hiding spot and caress it lovingly with the softest of touches and let nature take its course. From the sound of the ever increasingly louder moans and sighs coming out of my sweet Sarah’s lips, natures course was running rampant. My hooked fingers were tickling her g-spot maybe while my tongue danced and teased about that shy little love button. Long slow licks and gentle drawing kisses had it peeking out boldly now, standing proud and alert ready for the attention I was giving it and eager for more.

I sensed that Sarah was teetering on the verge of that orgasmic peak ready to take flight and soar to the heavens. While the hooked fingers of my right hand were busy pistoning in and out of her now abundantly wet and aroused velvety cleft, my left hand was gliding across her lower abdomen with my fingers splayed trying to make maximum contact with that soft overlooked but very sensitive area of a woman’s body… all the while my lips and tongue were engaged with both the nether lips and that excited nubbin her clit. I locked my lips about it and drew in suction much like drawing on a straw. Sarah’s gasping ragged breaths suddenly stopped and she began vibrating from her very core. Now was the time. Time for two little things that I’ve found over the years that just send my female friends over the edge. I gently closed my teeth on her clit and rocked my jaw slightly left to right in order to roll her little nubbin back and forth… and I began humming creating vibrations that connected directly to her clit and shot through her entire being… giving flight to my angel and releasing her spirit to soar.

I heard only the very first shrieking exhalation that Sarah let loose when her body was rocked by a beautiful orgasm. I only heard the first of it because the instant she triggered into that soul expanding enlightened fulfillment of wound-up bodily tension, her legs slammed shut trapping me between them. My head, my neck, my right hand all ensconced between those two gorgeously shapely thighs as her body quaked and shook as it was wracked with at least three distinctive waves of that first orgasm. Of course, the three waves might have actually been three individual orgasms as I was stuck in that vice like grip with my fingers still inside of her in contact with that elusive g-spot, and my mouth and tongue were still in contact with her deliriously engorged and receptive clit at this point.

I would have laughed if my mouth wasn’t pressed to her most sensitive of bodily parts when Sarah’s hands both ended up on top of my head pushing or trying to push me away from her now over sensitive clit a few moments into this convulsive explosion. Finally, she either figured it out or somehow lost some motor control of her legs as they opened enough that I was able to be pushed or for me to withdraw a bit. I was gasping for breath at this point too. Now free from those vise like thighs I could hear the noises and the stream of words coming from her panting mouth too.

“…esus Christ!” gasp “Holy Mother Mary!” gasp “Oh my God! Jim!” gasp Sarah rasped out in a hoarse voice as she tried to catch her breath, her body was still twitching and limbs jumping slightly. This woman was wound tighter than any that I had been with in recent memory. I was marvelously stunned and delighted that I was able to give her such a release by just indulging myself of something that I absolutely love doing anyway. The smell, the taste, the feel of a woman’s most intimate body regions, her sex in particular has been from my earliest years the greatest fascination of my life. They are all so alike in many ways yet each and every one unique and different. That I can give these women in my life pleasure by my worshiping of their uniqueness and individuality is immensely pleasing to me. I get off when the woman or girl that I’m with gets off by anything I do for them… even if I don’t. Oh, but that is usually not a problem. Most have always tried their best to return my attentions in like fashion or better. My darling friend Sarah was one of these… She groaned as she finally caught her breath and stretched languidly, like a cat waking up from a pleasant dream.

“Oh my God Jim! What did you do to me? I haven’t felt like that in… in so long I can’t remember when.” She exclaimed as she propped herself up on her elbows as her legs dangled off the edge of the bed, her heels barely touching the floor on either side of my still kneeling body.

“So, I take it you liked… what I was doing?” I asked in a quiet but playful voice, trying not to grin like a wolf.

Sarah’s face and chest were flushed bright pink, her mascara had wilted and run with her sweating. Her hair was tousled and flying a bit about her head as she shook it slightly in the negative fashion as if disbelieving what I had just asked of her. She smiled a little bashfully and extended her hands and arms towards me as she sat up and pulled my face to her chest and rocking rhythmically, to her heartbeat I suspect. She began kissing the top of my head and then my forehead only to devour my lips in a long breathless passionate open-mouthed kiss when I tilted my head up to face her. My tongue was assaulted by her brazen adventuresome one. She literally stole my breath away.

Sarah discovered something about me that night, that so many of my other lovers had over the years. The kiss is the thing. A kiss will send me. I can and will kiss for hours if allowed as it is the most erogenous part of my body I suspect. It excites me like nothing else in this world. Apparently, it was something that we both shared… not just this kiss, but the effect that kissing has on us. Talk about throwing gasoline on the fire! In moments… seconds… heartbeats… we were both breathless and panting with excitement. Pulling back to look one another in the eyes we both saw the passion and lust fueled excitement.

“You have too many clothes still on Jim… stand up.” Sarah commanded, her gaze brooking no argument on my part even if I wanted to.

I stood and her hands both grabbed the waistbands of both my opened jeans and my boxer shorts. In one deft motion, she pulled them both down to my knees as she leaned into me kissing my abdomen a little above my own navel. My skin moved with the jumping abdominal muscles under it. My fully excited and erect manhood stood proud, all meager six plus inches of it, being pushed upwards against my lower abdomen by Sarah’s bare and heaving breasts. Even as she kissed my stomach again, she brought her hands slowly, sensuously up along the backs of my legs from the knees to my now bare ass. She groaned as she felt both my ardent member on her chest and my ass cheeks in her hands as she held and grasped and squeezed on in each hand as she continued to kiss me. The kisses turning to pecks before she finally released my ass and leaned back with her hands on my hips, and looked up at me again.

That wanton look of lust was in her half-lidded eyes again. Her grin was primal, visceral even as she splayed her hands, fingers spread wide, as they glided from my hips across my abdomen and down to finally grasp and wrap around my erection. She gasped and I moaned, neither breaking eye contact. Her hands divided, one going lower to cradle and fondle my balls in their fleshy purse, the other slowly beginning to stroke me up and down with her soft but strong delicate hand. When my eyes rolled back in my head and I groaned yet again, I felt heaven on earth as Sarah’s trembling lips encased the head of my erection. That snapped my head back down and opened my eyes as I saw her dark intent eyes staring up at mine. If anyone can smile with their eyes, Sarah is one of them. She winked once and gently squeezed my balls before pulling back.

“I need you in me Jim… Make love to me… Please…” Sarah said in a quiet almost timid voice.

The pleading hungry look in her eyes would have driven any man to do anything she asked, and I certainly couldn’t resist her either. When I nodded breathlessly, she released me and scooted back on the bed I finished kicking my jeans and boxer shorts off. I climbed onto the bed with her on my hands and knees. As my hands straddled her waist and I edged closer towards her, she brought her legs and knees up so that I was between them. Sarah’s hands came to either side of my face as she pulled me down and into another passionate open-mouthed kiss even as my sex bumped along hers. Still though, even in the midst of my own lust fueled storm, excited as I was, a small voice in the back of my head wrested my attention to things that I had to do. One, there was a question of protection. Second was a warning of my own peculiar aftershock. Time and time again I’ve had to deal with this, and it was now ingrained in me to do the right thing… beforehand.

“Sarah…” I began, breathlessly.

“Jim?” She asked, her eyes almost in panic as she thought perhaps, I had sopped because I had changed my mind about going forward with what we were doing.

“Sarah… Protection? Do we need to use a condom?” I asked quietly… earnestly. The look on her face morphed from the uncertainty and fear to one of relief in a heartbeat. She actually smiled a little sheepishly before responding.

“I don’t have those parts anymore Jim… I can’t get pregnant.” She said and then bit her bottom lip as a different emotion flitted through her eyes and across her face.

I would learn later that she had had a miscarriage when she was younger and diagnosed with a severe case of endometriosis led to her having a hysterectomy. My beautiful sweet Sarah was barren, a cause for her secret shame and partly for her low self-esteem it would seem. That fleeting look of sorrow vanished as her body reminded her of its current need and desire.

“It’s okay Jim. We don’t need anything.” She said, her voice almost growling now.

Well, that covers the first obligation self-imposed by my conscience… But I still had the second thing that I had to tell Sarah about. I knew from personal experience with several ladies over the years, if I didn’t give them an idea of what to expect, they tended to freak out and panic when it happened. My aftershock can be startling when observed and experienced for the first time, and not warned about it in advance. Steeling myself, I raised my right hand and gently brushed the backs of my fingers along Sarah’s left cheek, brushing some of her wild dark hair back over her ear.

“Sarah… I don’t want to scare you, but I… I have this thing… something that my body does after… After I climax.” I stammered a little unsurely my gaze furtively going to and from her eyes trying to judge her reaction.

“Wha… what do you mean Jim?” Sarah asked, her face again showing a little worry and concern.

“After I cum… a little while after… my body has what I call an aftershock. I’ve been told it looks like a seizure or an epileptic fit… I’m okay, really… I just don’t want you to freak out and get scared. Just wait it out and stay calm… that is… if you still want to take a chance on me.” I explained and then lowered my head a little expecting that she might indeed change her mind at this point.

I looked up when I felt Sarah’s fingers close around my hand on the side of her face. The look of wary excitement literally glowing in her deep dark eyes. Her right hand lighting on my left side below my arm pulling me towards her… drawing me down for another long luxurious passionate kiss. Her voice caught in her throat as we separated our faces a bit to look into one another’s eyes again.

“Jim… I feel safe with you. I… I need you… Please… Love me.” She spoke haltingly in a tiny voice.

I couldn’t help but to smile. My conscience appeased and my lover apprised of my strange affliction, I bent closer and kissed her again. A slow soft lovingly passionate kiss. I rested my forehead to hers and looking into her deep dark eyes I asked her.

“Ready?”

Sarah whimpered slightly and nodded her head. Both of her hands were now on my sides as if she were afraid I would disappear if she let go. I pushed myself up on my arms and looked down between us. Sarah’s stomach muscles quivered in anticipation as I inched myself forward on my knees to position my still steely hard member to her velvety lips, her feminine treasure… what I would soon realize was the gateway to heaven itself. Glancing back up to Sarah’s face, she looked me in the eyes and nodded again. Her eyes were so big it reminded me of someone actually more scared than excited. She felt the head of my erection touching and separating the outer lips of her vulva and she shuddered again. I felt her hands flex on my sides and she pulled me towards her again, silently urging me further.

“Oh God, Sarah… you are so gorgeous… So sexy.” I murmured as if in a trance.

Those deep dark eyes of hers fluttered and then closed as her mouth opened in a silent scream and her head arched backwards on her neck. Sarah’s fingernails dug into the skin of my sides as I pressed myself into her slowly, an inch, maybe a half inch at a time pausing a heartbeat or two before advancing further… slowly… ever so slowly… slipping into that velvety furnace that seemed to be quivering around me.

“Oh my God… you are so hot… so wet… Oh God!” I exclaimed as if in a trance. I marveled at the look of ecstasy on Sarah’s face as she turned her head slowly from one side to the other. Her mouth still agape, her eyes clenched tightly closed. Her hips rose up to meet my advance as if to hurry me along. And then I was in, completely. Our bodies joined and pressed together as closely as they could possibly be, skin to skin, flesh to flesh. I moaned softly as I felt the inside walls surrounding me and gripping me, squeezing in an almost rhythmic way, like waves, stroking me. Sarah, too, moaned. Her eyes opened or at least half opened as her gaze locked on my face. I had stilled after I had gone in as far as I could. Such an amazing sensation… but the look Sarah gave me spoke volumes. It was time to move.

I teetered on the very thinnest of lines. The line demarking control of my thinking brain and that of the instinctive caveman brain, the animal within. Sensations flooding into me from the feel of Sarah’s strong fingers digging into my sides, the enormously distracting sensations from our most intimate of joining of our sexes, the sounds of erotic moans and choppy breathing… and finally the visual inputs, seeing Sarah’s face, her eyes especially as well as her lovely body in its naked and excited state. The caveman longed to be set free and ravage her with the animalistic lust taking my own gratification above all else. Fortunately, that fine balancing act as precarious as it was, left me or at least my thinking brain still in charge… barely. I did begin to move, but slowly and with care, and with design. As absolutely awesome as it felt for me, I was determined to make our time together as best as I could for my friend… my lover… Sarah.

Slowly I began to withdraw. Every nerve ending in my cock crying out in protest as less and less of it remained in contact ensconced within Sarah’s velvety honey heated walls. Slowly, reluctantly, until only the very tip, the crown remained within her fleshy embrace. Her inner lips, her labia clinging to me and stretching and pulling out as if to desperately hold me. The tiniest of plaintiff moans sighed from Sarah’s pouting partially opened mouth. Her eyebrows quivered as if she were in distress. Stopping just shy of complete withdrawal, I paused, for one, two, three heartbeats… then with a deep breath I began to push back in… just as slowly. Little by little, Nerve cells rejoiced, both my own and those within Sarah.

In and out, slowly building up speed along with the urgency within us each. Sarah’s nostrils flaring, her beautiful face almost twisted in a grimace of determination as temperature of her inner core rose with the flames of our lust. I could feel my control slipping as that caveman brain tried so very hard to assert his dominance. I knew I had to change it up, alter the pace or I’d lose it for sure. Sarah was just so very hot and sexy… and hungry for this. “Make it special. Make her feel like the queen of the world.” I heard inside of my head.

I stopped suddenly… unexpectedly when I bottomed out deep inside of Sarah. I could feel the all too familiar tingle in my balls… they were ready to explode, but I was not. Not yet. Stopping let the urgency bleed off a bit and I regained control. Running my hands down either of Sarah’s legs while she looked up at me in silent askance, I let my hands go under her knees and lifted her legs. As they rose, I let my hands travel further down to her ankles and grasped them both in my hands and held them tight. This forced Sarah’s knees to be pressed to her chest and shoulders, pulling her ass and her impaled oasis higher off the bed and changed the angle for which I was entering her. I brought her ankles together and set them on my left shoulder and wrapped both my arms around her thighs just at her knees.

Not only did this change the angle of attack, but it forced Sarah’s legs together and tightened her already amazingly tight vagina. Her swollen clitoris now protruding proudly from its little hood and it rubbed against me with every stroke into her. Again, I started haltingly… stuttering in and out, trying not to set up any kind of regular rhythm. First slow, then fast, then slow, then fast, then stopping unexpectedly. Finally, though, as it always happens eventually, I sensed that I was not going to be able to control myself any longer. I also sensed that Sarah was or had been hanging on the precipice of her own climax for some time now… I had been edging her along and trying to build it up to a memorable one for her. I knew that this would be mostly guesswork on my part going by what I had experienced with other women over my lifetime, and never having been with Sarah before tonight. So, like a runner in a long race, the time for holding the pace or holding back was over, it was time for that last sprint. Time to give it my all… and give Sarah my all… All my energy, all my determination, all my attention.

Hammering. That’s what I began to do. I pounded myself into and out of her as fast and as hard as I possibly could, trying as hard as I could to hold off as long as I possibly could. Sarah was gasping and grunting with each impact her eyes as big as she could open them, a wild excited expression of wonder on her face. Her mouth agape as she tried to breath. At some point her hands had released my sides and now they were clenched around my wrists as I gripped her legs tightly to my torso as I pounded into her over and over and over. When Sarah’s eyes rolled back in her head and she stopped breathing for a few strokes I knew I had managed to get her to the finish line ahead of me. The cascading ripples and contractions within her around my pounding and swelling cock signaled her climax even before the banshee’s wail erupted from her very soul. And I lost it. My own grunting ended as I froze deep within her trembling molten core and spewed pump after pump of my own essence just adding fuel to her fire.

I don’t know if I groaned or moaned or both. I’m pretty sure I praised God and all his handiwork in the form of my Sarah though. I held her legs there to my chest even as she twitched and kicked and flopped about the bed under me. My own convulsions were mostly in the form of spastic pumping of my still rock-hard erection still buried inside of Sarah. Every little twitch and pump just rubbing her clit that much more and causing her to twitch and moan and spasm all the more. Eventually it slowed enough that we could begin to catch our breath. Knowing that in a matter of moments I would be consumed once again by my own echo… my aftershock… I reluctantly withdrew myself from Sarah’s little bit of heaven on earth and eased myself down on the bed beside her. She lay there gasping and panting and still shuddering now and then as she watched me intently.

Laying on my back with my hands to my sides. Comically, my erection, though slightly softened and slowly deflating was still standing up, even if leaning a little to one side… towards Sarah of all things. I started to say something about that when I felt the first heralding signals that my impending flashback was about to sweep over me. My aftershock. I spoke up.

“Oh lord… Sarah… here it comes… don’t freak ou…” And then it hit… I wasn’t able to finish what I was even saying.

It began in my toes, a tingling itch like feeling and raced up the backs of my legs. Somewhere around my pelvis the signal splits… the jolt of electricity diverges and part of it zaps my right in my nuts and the other races up my spine to simultaneously zap my brain stem. My whole body goes rigid and I stop breathing for a heartbeat or two. And then I experience a second cumming. All the spasms and quaking and shaking and convulsions of a normal climax… save for there being no ejaculation this time. I get tunnel vision and often black out… or white out as the case may be… whatever, I lose consciousness for a moment or so. From the outside looking in, I’m told that it looks like an epileptic fit or a full body seizure… I guess it can be scary to witness.

When I realized that I was looking at the ceiling in Dave and Sarah’s bedroom I knew that I had come back from my aftershock-driven time out. My first concern, of course, was how Sarah had handled it all. Warily I turned my head to my right to find her still laying on her back. Sarah’s head was turned to her left, to study me. I felt her left hand squeeze my right hand and realized that she had been holding my hand or at least her hand was covering mine as I gripped the bedspread.

“Hi…” I said meekly trying to get a read on how or what Sarah thought of my little freak show.

“Oh my God Jim… Are you okay?” She asked in an equally meek voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was more worried about how you might be handling things.” I responded.

“Whew… if you hadn’t have warned me to expect it, I might have freaked out, you’re right.” She admitted then her face softened and she went on.

“You’re sure you’re okay?” she asked again.

I smiled weakly and lifted her left hand to my lips and kissed the back of her hand gently before I rolled onto my right side and brought my left hand over to rest gently on her abdomen… just above her softly sparsely furred pubic mound. I felt her whole body quiver again at my touch.

“The question is, Sarah, are you okay?” I asked with a tight-lipped concerned look that was part worry and part sadness… and a part exhilarated joy.

“I shouldn’t have allowed this to go as far as we went Sarah, you’re married, and to a friend of mine… I’m so torn right now, but I’m more worried about you.” I explained.

“Jim, I could have stopped you if I wanted to. If anyone is to blame it’s me… but I… I didn’t want to stop it. God, it’s so confusing, isn’t it? But it felt so right… with you… I… I should be apologizing to you.” She said as her eyes welled up and she turned her head to look at the ceiling.

“Sarah… Sarah please… look at me…” I spoke… still holding her left hand in my right and kissing the back of her hand again for silent emphasis.

Sarah turned her head slowly towards me but was reluctant to look me in the eyes, only giving me furtive guilty glance. Her brows were knitted with worry, tears spilled out of her eyes and ran from the corners of her eyes towards the bedspread and her hair. Her lips trembled and quivered even as she attempted to smile. With my gaze locked on hers I allowed my left hand to slowly slide up her naked torso, across her tummy and then up her rib cage. My hand slid under then on and then reluctantly over her right breast, pillowy soft yet firm. Onwards and upwards my hand slid until it reached her knotted up and tense neck, then further up to the right side of her face to cup gently her cheek.

“Sarah, you have nothing to apologize for… at all. We are both adults here. It was so wrong… but you are right…it did feel… right somehow. Maybe it was because we are friends, that we felt so comfortable with one another… enough to allow us to get so carried away. At least I hope we are still friends. I hope I’ve not ruined it for us.” I said quietly, almost sorrowfully as my gaze left Sarah’s feeling a sadness growing within me.

It was the sudden intense grip I felt on my right hand from Sarah’s surprisingly strong left hand that brought my gaze back to her eyes.

“Jim, stop it. You’ve not ruined anything. I still think of you as my friend… I lo… I love you… I don’t know if I can explain it though. I mean I love Dave still and always will. But I… I love you too. Does that make any sense?” She asked as she half rolled onto her left side so that she could face me more directly.

“I understand it better than you can imagine… I’ve been here before. Loving more than one person, each in her own way. It can be confusing. But what about Dave? You know I don’t want to come between you two.” I stated in my still worried voice.

Sarah’s face sobered up a little and her gaze again left mine to search the answer from somewhere other than my eyes.

“I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about… being with you… before this happened. I guess it’s normal curiosity mostly but partly because of…” Sarah began but fell silent and bit her lip as her eyes slowly climbed to look me in my own again… a worried and hurt expression on her face.

“Because of?” I nudged her verbally… wondering what she had hinted at.

“Oh Jim… I don’t want to sound like I’m making excuses. I just… I didn’t feel like I was desirable anymore… even to Dave…” Sara spoke in a meek quivering voice. Her eyes once more tearing up. I lowered my left hand down to the middle of her back and pulled her into me and held her as she buried her face in my neck and shoulder and sobbed quietly, her whole body shaking with the mixed emotions at war within her.

After a few minutes or so she calmed down and perhaps the intimate closeness of our naked bodies had something to do with it, but Sarah seemed to collect herself and change gears a bit. I felt her lips on my neck and shoulder, kissing me softly even as she sniffed at the tears and other bodily fluids congesting her nose and sinuses. Her soft warm hands, one clasped tightly in my right, and the other rubbed gently up and down the small of my own back. I was still worried about the emotional melt down that seemed to be going on inside of Sarah but my own body was once again responding to the sensations that she was giving me as well.

When Sarah raised her face from my shoulder and neck to look me in the eyes again, I could see the fire deep within those dark Mediterranean jewels. Despite her own doubts and fears there was an undeniable lust there, a hunger for more of what we had just experienced. Perhaps she was just feeling like she wanted to get as much of that feeling while it lasted as she could… perhaps she was afraid that this would be her one and only respite for feeling so lonely and undesirable for who knows how long…if ever again.

I felt as though there was more to talk about and more to learn… far more… but at that moment, the look in her eyes… the feelings I got from her touch… I melted down myself and gave in to my animalistic needs. Our lips joined once more in a passionate, long, breathless kiss. Our tongues once more dancing the dance of the ages. My hand went from her back to the back of her neck to pull her head and face as close to me as I could get her. It was a start when I felt Sarah’s right hand go from my own back to slip between us and grope for my now reawakening male anatomy. Her touch was both warm and soft… and surprisingly urgent. She encircled her fingers around my growing shaft and first tugged and then stroked it back to full awareness. Standing proud once more, Sarah released my lips and my right hand to push herself up to a sitting position.

Looking down at me with that wanton expression, I got the silent message loud and clear without a word being spoken. I rolled over onto my back and Sarah straddled my legs and edged herself up and over me. With her right hand she leaned forward and stroked the side of my face before placing her hand on the bed beside my head. With her left hand she reached between us and grabbed me to guide me once more to her entrance. That dripping flowery gateway to heaven… and hell… the heat of her core enveloping me in a single downward thrust as her sweet soft shapely ass cheeks met my thighs. Again, she leaned forward and placed her left hand on the other side of my head from her right. Her dark hair hung around her face like an ebony cloud of silk as she brought her lips to mine once more for another breathless soul mingling kiss.

Even as the kiss lingered, she began to move. Sarah’s hips rocked backwards and forwards on my impaled manhood. My throbbing erection feeling both familiar and… alien to me for some reason. Perhaps it was because of the taboo nature of our tryst, Sarah and I. Perhaps it was because of my innate and growing guilt over our carnal union and how freaking amazing it felt at the same time. I truly did love this woman. I felt her desires and her need and I felt I should do everything in my power to help her, even if it was bending my mind. That caveman came to the fore again… As Sarah’s gyrations and grinding grew in speed and intensity so too did my own urgency. I began to rise to the occasion with thrusts of my own, matching her every move with an equal and opposite force. There was no surprise when I noted that my hands, both of them were pressed firmly to Sarah’s now wonderfully hanging and swaying breasts. To feel the hardened and fully aroused nipples tickling the palms or my hands as I lifted their soft pliant fleshy pillows as if to weigh them and to press them into her chest. My fingers splayed to make as broad a contact as possible. But the most erotic, the most overwhelming sensation was the look in Sarah’s eyes.

Those deep dark eyes shone with that lusty fire from within. Their gaze was riveting, so intense and focused. I have seen that look in a few of the women I’ve known in my lifetime, always in similar situations as what we were in at the moment. That look a woman gets when she’s all in. When desire and fulfillment override common sense or better judgement perhaps. I’ve decided it’s the woman’s beast, her sexual animal finally unleashed. At this moment I was witnessing Sarah’s inner beast being unleashed. It was glorious and thrilling… and to be honest, just a hair short of frightening. But I too was beyond the point of caring, as our bodies slapped together as the carnal race to orgasm was reaching that final destination.

With a final grimace, Sarah’s eyes rolled back into her head just before she clenched them tightly closed. Her head wrenched back on her neck as if she were searching the heavens. The cords and muscles of her neck were stretched tight and strained nearly to the breaking point as her whole body halted any movement… well… except inside of her. That fiery velvet furnace was spastically clenching and unclenching wave after wave. When her whole body began to quake again, I too could no longer hold back my own response… My core exploded along with my seed launching deep within this dark-haired angel of fire and lust. The last thing I was aware of was the vignette in the center of my tunnel vision of Sarah’s seductively smiling face, her eyes still closed as her neck relaxed and her face tilted down towards my own once more. Then it was lights out for me.

When my awareness returned, probably only a few moments after losing my consciousness, I found myself draped with a panting sweaty warm blanket… with ebony dark hair and gleaming if half lidded smiling eyes looking at me from my own shoulder. I felt Sarah’s hand and fingers running through my hair as she studied me.

“Oh my God Sarah!” I breathed out with my own labored breathing still coming in gasps and pants.

“Are you okay?” Sarah asked quietly.

“Oh, I’m more than okay… Damn girl! You are wild.” I stuttered between gasps.

“You’re just saying that…” She said with a blush but the smile on her face and especially in her eyes told me she loved hearing it all the same.

“No, I think I can safely say that being with you tonight has been one of the wildest trips I’ve ever experienced. It’s the passion in you. Wow!” I confessed as I stroked her bare back with my right hand from the middle of her back down to that warm soft but firm ass cheek. I had just grasped it when I felt the first tingling in the backs of my legs… Here we go again I thought.

“Sarah… I… Oh Go…” I began and then my aftershock was upon me. I stiffened to statue like rigidity and stopped breathing other than perhaps a strained groan that rumbled out of my throat from deep within. Then it was lights out again and my body convulsed and twitched and did its macabre dance of the petite mort once more.

When I came to my senses afterwards, I opened my eyes to find Sarah still sitting astride my waist looking down at me. Her dark eyes wide but gleaming, her face framed in an ebony cloud of her hair. Sarah’s hands were resting lightly on my chest as if to hold me down to the bed to keep me from rolling or falling off the bed perhaps. When she realized my eyes were open and I was cognizant again she smiled nervously and leaned down to kiss me.

And what a kiss it was too. Oh my God that woman could kiss. Those full lips, that daring tongue of hers… Wow! It was in the middle of this kiss that I became aware that I was still very much aroused and still securely joined to this dark-haired dynamo. I must have twitched or moved a bit because Sarah moaned softly into our kiss and her hands slid up my chest to come to rest on either side of my neck. She never broke the kiss, so fervent was her desire… but she did begin to move her hips again. It was a swiveling motion to start with, a gyration almost as if she were trying to swing a hula-hoop or something like that. Of course, that evolved into a more efficient rocking motion with her hips rising and falling slightly and the motion increasing little by little.

By this point I was moaning softly into our kiss. Both of my hands were now on Sarah’s hips, or rather her waist, just above her hips. Now I’ve always thought I had pretty good staying power… stamina if you will… but this was outrageous… at least for me anyway. I’ve already came twice in the short time we’ve been at it tonight and here we are rocking it a third time. It was all Sarah, of course, she just had that hunger, that drive, that… that need. So, I held on tight and let her have what she wanted. Her beast was in charge and I was not going to deny her anything if I could possibly help it. Spent and drained but still hard as steel and determined to give it my all I held on… and began matching Sarah’s moves with my own, speeding her along to yet another trip into the heavens.

As the pressure mounted and her excitement climbed yet again, Sarah pressed herself upright, her hands still pressed down on my chest, fingers splayed but digging into my skin. The intense look of concentration on her face made it look almost as if she were grimacing or perhaps snarling. No words were coming out of her mouth but there was that animalistic growl or grunting increasing in volume with every rocking motion. I’m not sure what my own face may have looked like but I can imagine it was a look of surprise or at least amazement.

Faster and faster and more insistent and urgent Sarah’s movements and my own matching movements became. I could feel her edging closer and closer to her peak and despite having climaxed twice already I could feel my own completion nearing once again as well. The wet squishy slapping sounds of two overheated highly energized sex crazed humans filled the bedroom as we grunted and groaned our way towards the finish line one more time. And then… we were there. Or at least Sarah was.

Again, she went rigid and all motion stopped saved for her churning cauldron inside of her. All the frenzied and frantic convulsions and clenching and grasping her insides were doing to me was almost beyond de***********ion. All that spasming was soon duplicated by every muscle of her being, Sarah’s head rolled back on her neck again and her legs and arms were jumping and twitching, until she collapsed on top of me. I just stopped and lay there under her, feeling her ragged breathing and her heart pounding. I wrapped my arms around her and held her and I could feel my once steely soldier relaxing and beginning to wilt away all the while still inside of Sarah.

As I didn’t quite make it to a third orgasm, I was able to remain alert and observe Sarah’s recovery back from the stars to the here and now. Her heart was still racing but it was slowing back down, when her eyes opened and she focused on my face just inches from her own where her head lay on my shoulder. That was about the time my little soldier had shrunk down and slipped out of her still fiery furnace and fell wetly against my leg. Sarah let a little sigh escape her lips as she closed her eyes and turned her head to kiss my shoulder before turning back to look me in the eyes. Then her face screwed up in confusion, her brows knitted a bit.

“No aftershock this time?” She asked a little puzzled.

“I didn’t finish this last time around.” I said with a slight shrug of my shoulder.

“I’m sorry.” Sarah said with a bit of a pout.

“I could try something if you wanted to…” Sarah began as she slid off of me to my right side, her right leg still draped over my legs, her breasts still pressing against my chest and my side, as her right hand began to slide down my chest and across my abdomen.

“Sarah…” I began even as her hot hand grasped my still wet willy still laying plumply on my thigh.

“Jim, it’s okay… I want to make you happy too.” She purred in my ear as she kissed my shoulder and across my collar bone towards my neck. I groaned as I felt my poor overworked Johnson respond to her fondling. It began to grow once again even as it ached from hard use so recently.

“Ordinarily I wouldn’t dream of complaining Sarah, but honestly, you’ve already worn me out. I mean WOW! It might get hard again, but it’s too soon to be able to do anything with it or at least get anything else out of it. Maybe in a couple of hours or so.” I said by way of explanation or perhaps excuse… and my left hand came to my mouth reflexively to cover an unbidden yawn.

“Does that mean you’re going to spend the night with me?” Sarah asked with baited breath… I got the distinct impression she was hoping beyond hope and maybe also a little afraid of how I might answer.

I turned my head to look Sarah straight in her half-closed eyes, even as she continued to grasp and stroke my revived erection. I reached over with my left hand and gently brushed some of her ebony hair out of her face and back over her right ear. I knew it was so wrong to stay, but would it be any worse that what I had already done? I knew that Sarah wanted me to stay, to make this real and not just some fleeting dream like episode of chance. I inhaled a long breath as subtly as I could before I spoke my answer.

“Sarah, I am normally wide awake at this time of night… or rather morning…” I spoke as I made it a point to look at my wrist watch, noting it was going on three in the morning at this point.

“If you wouldn’t mind… I would like to stay… and just hold you if you would let me…” I added hesitantly, giving her the final decision as to whether I stayed or I left to go home to my own apartment.

Sarah’s answer was twofold… first she beamed the brightest happiest smile I think I’ve ever seen her show the world, then secondly, she let loose of junior and wrapped her right arm around my chest and squeezed me in a full body hug that included her legs as well about my own legs. After a few moments and a couple of deep stuttering breaths, Sarah raised her head up off my chest and looked me in the face again… her smile dialed down a bit but still very happy indeed.

“Thank you, Jim. You just made me very very happy. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” She said then pushed up to lock her happy lips on mine again.

It was a long tender and very wet kiss. A kiss with only a hint of a little tongue play but with lips as agile and delicate as any she had ever shown me yet. It was a kiss of contentment and thanks… a kiss of love. Once more she let herself slide down and nestle comfortably against me, her head on my right shoulder, her lips inches from my neck. Sarah’s right hand came to rest on my chest, her fingers scratching at and running idly through the sparse hair on my chest. I can’t be sure how long, but I suspect we were both asleep in moments after that.

I awoke disoriented, and alone in a strange bed. It took me a few moments to remember where I was and a quick feel to either side of my still naked body, now covered in only a thin sheet, let me know I was indeed alone in a strange bed. The marital bed of my friends Dave and Sarah. I closed my eyes and pressed my head back into the pillow and grimaced. I brought both hands in fists to my forehead as if to pound some sense back into my addled brain. “Oh my God! What have I done?” I asked myself in my mind.

A guilty conscience is a weight on one’s soul, I know I’ve had it before and this time it was a doozy. Still though, my thoughts of Sarah outweighed my own self reprimand for the moment. How was she feeling I wondered, more importantly, where was she? The bed beside me was still warm so she couldn’t have been up for too long. I sat up and rubbed my eyes with my fists before getting out of the bed and looking for my shorts and jeans. I found them and my shirt where they were dropped last night. Dressing didn’t do much to quell my guilty conscience though, but at least I felt a little more presentable and… maybe humbled. I first went to the bathroom across the hall from the bedroom thinking that maybe Sarah had gone there to answer the call of mother nature. No, she wasn’t there.

I walked down the hall and into the den where it all began last night, not there either. Through the dining room and into the kitchen still with no Sarah. Finally, I noticed that the sliding glass door to the back porch was partially open. Looking through the door, I saw Sarah sitting on the covered porch swing… or rather on the edge of the seat anyway. Both of her bare feet were flat on the deck, her legs closely together. She was wrapped in a thin light blue cotton duster or bath robe maybe. Sarah’s body was hunched forward with her elbows resting on her knees, her head was down with her face buried in her hands. The sight drove home and amplified my own feelings of guilt over what we had done… I could only imagine what she was going through at the moment. At first, I didn’t want to intrude on her moment… but a deeper part of me, maybe my heart, drove me to go to her and do anything I could to comfort her.

Sliding the door open a little further I eased out onto the deck and walked to the swing. Carefully I sat down next to Sarah much as she was, on the edge of the swing, my forearms resting on my knees. I didn’t say anything, I knew that Sarah realized that I had joined her but she remained quiet, her face still in her hands. We sat there in silence for a while, both going over what we had done last night. I wasn’t sure how Sarah was thinking but I knew that I felt guilty. Guilty for having broken the trust between Dave and I… and the trust between Dave and Sarah. I felt the guilt but I also felt as if… as if it was still right. What Sarah and I had done felt so very right, so… wonderful… but still wrong. It’s hard to explain. The connection between two people, call it chemistry or Kismet or whatever… when it’s right it’s just… beautiful. But life is rarely uncomplicated, is it?

After some time, both of us lost in our own contemplation, Sarah leaned over against me. She still didn’t say anything but she pressed her shoulder and body into mine, maybe just for reassurance, I don’t know. I do know that my own instincts drove me to raise my left arm and wrap it around her shoulders and gently squeeze her and hold her tight. I wanted so badly to say something… anything… that would put her at ease. Saying sorry just didn’t seem like it would be enough. It was Sarah that ended up breaking the silence before I could find the right words myself.

“Jim… I want you to know that… I love you. What we did last night probably shouldn’t have happened, but I don’t blame you at all. It’s not your fault.” She spoke in a quiet but steady voice.

“Sarah I still feel awful that I let myself get swept up and carried away. I knew better… but I… You… Oh God, this is so messed up.” I lamented.

“We both knew better. But it happened. Jim, I’m not sorry it happened, not with you. Had it been anyone else I would be… I don’t know… but with it being you, it just felt… I don’t know… right somehow.” Sarah spoke the words that echoed my own thoughts and I had to pause in shock maybe before I could process what she had said.

“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t amazing and fantastic. It was more than anything I could have ever dreamed of, but it should have remained only a dream. I feel like it was my fault because I made you think… made you feel… Oh hell! I just wanted you to know that you were… ARE… special. You are a beautiful woman that any many alive would want to be with. You seemed to think that you didn’t have that appeal to anyone. It hurt me as a friend to see you down and doubting yourself. I wanted to make you happy.” I told her in a steady but tight voice.

Sarah sat silently for a while thinking about what I had just said I assumed. Sarah’s left hand settled over my own left hand that was still on her shoulder. She took a deep breath and let it out in a long sighing exhale before turning her head to look me in the face, or at least in a sidelong look as we were so close together. Her eyes were still troubled but there was a warm soft smile on her face.

“You did you know… make me feel special. You made me feel like a woman should feel, wanted, appreciated… desirable. Thank you for that Jim. Dave has said all those things over the years but since we moved here to Kentucky… He just doesn’t show it. I know he loves me but…” Sarah voice cracked and she trailed off to silence. She closed her eyes and leaned her head into my shoulder.

I leaned back in the swing and drew Sarah with me. I began rocking the swing slightly and we just sat there in silence holding one another for a while. I hadn’t thought about the time since I had awakened a while ago but I realized it was still early. It was the twilight of dawn, the sun still hadn’t come up yet but the skies were lightening, and people were stirring, starting their day. Birds were chirping, somewhere in the neighborhood a dog was barking, and we heard an occasional car of truck drive down the street out front. I wondered if Sarah had to work today, and if so, what time?

“Are you hungry Jim?” Sarah asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“I hadn’t thought about it… but I guess I could eat something. Sarah, do you have to work today?” I answered her question and posed one of my own.

“Yeah, I have to be at the Pharmacy at nine. I’m covering half a shift for one of the other girls today. Come on, let’s make a bite to eat before I have to get ready to go.” Sarah said as she pulled herself up from the swing.

“I can help.” I said as I too stood up and we both walked inside into the kitchen.

We made breakfast, Sarah cracked and scrambled some eggs, I made some toast and got out the butter and a jar of jelly. I found a couple of glasses and poured some orange juice. We sat at the kitchen table and ate in a bit of an awkward silence. Both of us still processing last night and what we had said this morning. We may have been mostly silent but the glances and looks between us while furtive, spoke volumes. Sarah looked at me with tenderness and perhaps adoration. I’m not sure what my face revealed to her but I tried to maintain a smile despite my misgivings.

It was eight o’clock as we were putting the dirty dishes in the sink to be washed later. Sarah stood before me at the sink, her arms crossed, her hands holding her arms as if to stay warm or to calm herself. Her brows where knitted but her soft smile was barely there as she looked into my eyes. I couldn’t think of anything to say at that moment, instead I just reached out and wrapped my arms around her and pulled her into a gentle hug, her head going to my shoulder and mine alongside hers.

“Sarah… I want to say thank you… but I feel like I should be apologizing instead. I hate that I’ve put you in this situation. We need to talk about this more later maybe.” I said softly. Sarah nodded her head silently but gave a little gasp.

I released her from my hug and Sarah looked up into my face once more. Her eyes were a little watery abut she was smiling sweetly. She closed her eyes and nodded a few times in agreement before looking back up at me.

“I should go get cleaned up and dressed. You’re welcome to stay if you want, I’ll be a few minutes though.” She said after she cleared her throat.

“I think I should probably just head on home to my place and get out of your way. Call me later after work?” I said hoping we could both work this out somehow. Sarah nodded again and walked me to the front door. I rubbed her left arm while we smiled at one another at the door. Then I left.

Once home I plopped down on my sofa and just stared at the wall… not really seeing the wall of course, my mind was elsewhere. My mind was conflicted, or rather, my heart was conflicted. Spending time with Sarah yesterday was fun. Seeing her light up and happy and having a good time made my heart swell. Even meeting up with Sam and Terry turned out to be amazing really. Then there was what happened afterwards… Even as it was happening, I knew it was wrong but part of me wanted it to happen. I wanted to be with Sarah. But now… there were consequences… guilt… remorse… and worry. Worry at how Sarah was dealing with it all too. It got too heavy to think about after a while so I got up and went to my bedroom. I peeled off my clothes and went to take a shower. Then I put on my sweats and crawled onto my bed… and soon was asleep.

The term “sleep on it” gets used a lot, but do most people actually practice this, on purpose? I don’t know that I intentionally do this but all my life I’ve done it whether I tried to or not. My subconscious mind takes over and sifts and sorts through all my thoughts and observations and mixes it with memories and impressions stored in my brain. I don’t always come up with answers or solutions but I think they take root and begin to emerge with time. I’m sure my mind was in overdrive as I slept that day but it may not have gotten far as I was awakened only what seemed like a few minutes after I had laid down. It was actually several hours I noted as my conscious mind began to reengage. I heard my doorbell chime once more and then a soft almost apologetic rapping of my door knocker. “What the hell?” my mind mumbled as I rolled out of bed and began to make my way to my door.

As I went through my kitchen, I noted the time on the microwave showed it to be a little after two in the afternoon. Skirting my dining table, I stopped to look through my peep hole in the door. My heart did a little flip in my chest and my breath caught in my throat as I realized it was Sarah on the other side of the door. I immediately unfastened the safety chain and opened my door.

“Jim… Hi…” Sarah said looking at me with a mixture of emotions on her face and in her eyes. She was smiling but I sensed she was at once both excited and fearful… perhaps of how I might receive her at my door. Maybe it was the look of surprise on my own face. After a moment’s hesitation she spoke again.

“You said this morning that we should talk… more… about last night. Since I got off early today, I thought it would be a good time… if you want…” She said and then bit her bottom lip awaiting my response.

“Yeah! Sure! Come in! Come in!” I said and stepped back and held the door for her to enter.

As she entered the apartment, I noticed that she was carrying a brown paper bag with an unmistakable shape of a bottle within it. The curious look must have registered on my face as Sarah grinned sheepishly and shrugged.

“I figured that we might as well enjoy one of the bottles of wine that you left me… last night… I… I could probably use a little to calm my nerves.” She said in a timid apologetic voice. Her eyes searching mine.

I closed the door behind her and turned to her, my own eyes searching hers. All the emotions that overwhelmed me last night hitting me full force yet again. Standing almost toe to toe with her I could almost hear Sarah’s own racing heart. I could feel as well as hear her rapid breathing. And the look… the look in her eyes, the pleading, the longing, the uncertainty… Before I knew it, I had her in my arms and our lips were melded together in a lingering sensual kiss. I felt Sarah’s hands splayed on my back, drawing me to her or herself to me I couldn’t be sure. It wasn’t even important anymore… nothing was…only Sarah.

It may have been a few minutes, it may have been an hour, before we broke that kiss and came up for air. Our faces barely parted, only pulled back far enough to look into one another’s eyes, again, searching for answers to our questions and fears and doubts. I swallowed with some difficulty and somehow found my voice.

“Sarah… this… this isn’t talking…” I began. Sarah’s eyebrows quivered and her eyes grew watery.

“No… it isn’t… Jim? I… I need to… no, I want to feel how I did last night… again. We can… we can talk later.” She said then her bottom lip quivered much as her eyebrows had a moment ago.

My two minds roared. My thinking mind screamed “No! No! No!” And my Caveman mind elbowed him aside and pounded on his chest and grunted like the ape he rose from. Before either mind could give any more input however my body took over. Sarah was once more pulled into me and our lips collided in a lust fueled hungry kiss. Somewhere in my distant recollection I think I noted that the bottle in Sarah’s hands had thumped to the carpeted floor. Sarah was ravenous, and perhaps her beast had forged to the front and had taken over her as well. I felt my back slam into the wall beside my easy chair, somehow, we had moved from the front door to halfway across my little living room.

My next conscious thought was trying to figure out how I ended up flat on my back on my bed with this wild woman straddling me trying to pull my shirt over my head and off my body. It might have been easier for her if my own arms weren’t tangled with hers as I tried to pull her blouse over her head at the same time. I rose to a sitting position to ease both of our struggles with the superfluous clothing. I reached for her bra’s clasp behind her and fumbled not being able to find it. Sarah slapped at my arms and pushed me back down to lay and then brought her hands to the front and unsnapped it herself. The bra went flying and my hands leapt to cover those luscious bared breasts. Sarah’s own hands covered mine as if to trap them there and press them even harder against her flesh.

When she realized that I wasn’t letting go she moved her hands to the waistband of my sweatpants and began pulling them down until she came to the realization that with her astride me and me laying down, they weren’t going anywhere. With a growl, Sarah literally stood up on my bed and undid her own pants and shucked them down to her knees, panties and all, before dropping down beside me to put her feet in the air and finish removing them and tossing them aside. In a heartbeat she was again tugging at my sweats and I raised up enough for her to get them down my legs and they too went flying.

Now on her hands and knees, Sarah locked her feral gaze on my face as she crawled from the foot of the bed towards me. She stopped however, at my side by my waist. Her left hand reached down and she trailed her fingers lightly up my left leg from just below my knee, slowly, till her hand made contact with my balls. I jumped involuntarily and her mouth split into a toothy grin as her fingers wrapped around them and squeezed ever so delicately while pulling them out away from my crotch. Before I could get worried about how far she might pull them though, she released them and wrapped her fingers around the base of my growing erection. Sarah’s gaze returned to my face and her smokey eyes seemed to blaze with an inner fire. She licked her lips and then looked back down at my cock in her hand. She started to bend down towards it but I reached out with my left hand and grasped her right arm at the elbow, drawing her gaze back to my face.

“If you’re about to taste me… I want to taste you too.” I stated with a hunger in my voice that made it almost unrecognizable to myself.

For a moment Sarah looked confused then it dawned on her what I intended. Her feral grin returned and she raised her right leg and pivoted over my torso so that she was looking towards my feet and her gorgeous rear end was pointed towards my face. I reached up with both hands and placed them on her hips and drew her backwards towards me. She inched backwards on her knees until she felt me raise my head up and my face was buried in between those creamy cheeks. A moment later I felt Sarah’s velvety soft lips slip over my swollen crown and slide down my throbbing shaft. Not once while all this was happening did she release her hold on my cock with her left hand.

For the next few minutes there were muffled moans and wet slurpy sounds coming from both ends of this wonderful arrangement. Tongues and lips engaging and savoring one another’s excited sexes, hands and fingers engaged in groping and probing and stroking. I’m not sure who succumbed first but both were soon overwhelmed. Sarah pulled herself away from my eager tongue and spun around to face me. Her face was flushed red and the flush went all the way down to her chest and her cleavage. The look in her eyes would ordinarily been… well… alarming perhaps. But at that moment it was the most exciting thing I could recall seeing in a long time. She didn’t have this look last night, this was new in my experience with her. It was a wild-eyed wanton lust, there was very little reasoning going on behind those eyes, this was instinctive, primal.

I lifted myself up on my elbows to look at Sarah, she lowered her head a bit and stalked slowly up my torso on her hands and knees. Her mouth was opened slightly to facilitate her heavy breathing. Her eyes were… wild… even if they were only half open as she looked up through her lashes and eyebrows and a thin curtain of her dark hair that had fallen across her forehead. Stalking me… about to pounce, she arched her back even lower and her breasts drug slowly across my own heaving chest just before her lips covered mine and we kissed. It wasn’t a kiss really it was sex incarnate. Our tongues ravaging one another’s mouths, our lungs struggling to breathe the very breath of the other. Hands grasping and groping anywhere and everywhere… and then… we were joined.

I can’t say I was conscious of when or how I entered Sarah or if it was her that impaled herself on me, but there we were. I was in to the hilt, rising up off the bed as I pushed more trying to get even farther into that wonderful wet haven between Sarah’s energetic and insistent legs. She took a firm grip on my upper arms, one in each hand as she began that carnal dance. The urgency was contagious, I had my hands about her waist, just below her ribs in that soft flesh of her sides above her womanly hips. Sarah would rise, I would pull her back down even as I drove up from below her. The sound of our bodies slapping together got faster and faster as did our already labored breathing.

I was no stranger to simultaneous orgasms, I had experienced them over the years with different women I had known. That’s not to say that it happened very often, no, in fact it was quite rare indeed. So, when it happened with Sarah, this day, it was astounding… it was mind blowing… it was… special. Of course, when we both hit that peak and launched into the heavens, our minds and bodies separated, our minds to soar, and our bodies to writhe and convulse in carnal euphoria clutching one another joined as one. And then I felt Sarah collapse atop of me even as my tunnel vision closed in and I went dark.

The feeling of fingers running through my hair brought me around. The murmurings coming from Sarah’s lips next to my ear were like music to my soul. I wrapped both arms around her and just squeezed her in a hug to beat all hugs. She began kissing my neck between gasping breaths and I began to discern words mixed in…

“…so good… oh God, it’s been so long… Thank you Jim, thank you, thank you, thank you…”

I felt Sarah tense as my deflated cock slid wetly out of her and flopped down onto my thigh. She relaxed with a sad sigh but continued purring and kissing my neck and running her fingers through my hair. I continued to hold her tightly and was about to whisper my own thanks and amazement to her when I felt the all too familiar harbinger of my coming aftershock. I tensed up as the waves of electric impulses rushed up my legs, I had only a heartbeat or two to warn Sarah of the pending convulsions.

“Sarah… it’s happening… hang o…” and then it was upon me.

My mind awash in the white light and fireworks, my body tensed and stilled momentarily then let loose with the spasms and convulsions that wrack my being as the aftershock takes me away with the echo of the orgasm I had just enjoyed with Sarah. I’m told that these episodes only last about thirty seconds or so but to me they seem to take forever… minutes, hours, days? And every time, when I regain my senses, my first thought is for the woman I’m with. How did she react, is she okay? I needn’t have worried this time however as I could feel Sarah’s head on my shoulder and her arm and leg draped over me from my side.

I opened my eyes to see the ceiling above my bed… my bed… my apartment. Sarah came to me. To talk… but it happened again. The chemistry, the longing, the mutual attraction, whatever it was got the better of both of us again and here we were. In my bed… afterwards. I turned my head to see Sarah studying my face intently with her dark eyes. Her hair, disheveled and flying about her head and hanging in her face… sticking to her sweaty face. There was a soft, relaxed smile on her face but it had a sad air about it all the same. So many emotions and thoughts running through my mind and undoubtedly through Sarah’s mind as well. We just looked into one another’s eyes and remained silent for a while. I know I had a troubled smile on my face as well, and perhaps worry in my eyes.

“Why is life so fucking complicated sometimes Jim?” Sarah wondered softly as she drew her right hand ever so lightly across my chest to come to rest near the hollow of my throat.

“I don’t know Sarah… It seems every time I think I’ve got a handle on it, something happens to throw me a curve and twist my mind and understanding yet again.” I confessed as I brought my left hand up to rest atop Sarah’s right hand on my chest.

“I’m so torn and… confused. I’m not sure how or what to think anymore.” She said with a sigh.

“I know I haven’t exactly helped with that, have I?” I asked knowing that I had played probably the biggest part in confusing her mind and emotions.

“No, Jim, it’s not your fault…. Well… okay… maybe a little. But I don’t blame you… I… I love you.” Sarah all but whispered as if she were afraid to admit it to herself.

“But Sarah… I…” I began only for her to cut me off.

“I Love you Jim, but I don’t love Dave any less. He’s still my husband and I don’t want to leave him or lose him. How is this even possible? To love two people… to men… like I do?” Sarah queried raising her head slightly to look into my eyes even more intently.

“I don’t know how it’s possible but if nothing else I’ve learned in my life, it’s that our hearts are complicated beyond understanding. They are so fragile yet so resilient. I thought I had lost my mind when my Michelle…” I gasped even as the pang of pain lanced through me and caught my breath. It was only a moment but it was poignant all the same.

“When my Michelle died, I thought I had too. I wished I had died, it hurt so bad. But, in time, years, my heart was reawakened by another… Kathie…” I gasped again even as I smiled sadly.

“Kathie brought me back into the world of the living by showing me that my heart did still beat, and that I was still capable of love. I didn’t love my Michelle any less, but I loved Kathie with all of my heart too… before she ended it. I still love her with all my heart even now. I love others as well, I can’t explain it. I can’t explain how I love you too, but I do.” I confessed the last in barely a whisper. But I might as well have been shouting at the top of my voice from the reaction that I got in Sarah’s eyes when she heard it uttered.

“Oh Jim…” was all she said as her eyes welled up with tears and she buried her face in my neck.

“Sarah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you…” I lamented as my right hand gently stroked the back of her head. I heard her sniff wetly trying to clear her nose and then she rose up again to look me in the eyes once more.

“Jim, you didn’t upset me you goof!” She barked out a choked laugh.

“You didn’t have to say that you loved me, I already knew it, I felt it, I feel it every time you are around me. I… I think that’s part of why I fell so hard for you too. I feel a connection to you beyond anything I can explain. Even if we had never… done… done this. I would have loved you just as much.

“But we did… do what we’ve done…” I stated the obvious.

“And now it’s complicated, and confusing… and troubling.” I continued.

“Yeah… troubling.” Sarah echoed as she lay her head back down on my shoulder.

“Jim… I still don’t regret it… being with you, like this. I know it’s wrong in so many ways, but at the same time it’s so right. Thank you, for making me feel desired… feel wanted… even loved like a woman.” She told me.

“Sarah, I should be thanking you. What you gave me was as special as any gift I’ve ever been given, you gave me part of yourself, your heart, your body…” I told her as I kissed the top of her head.

“… but what do we do from here?” I asked

“I don’t know Jim. I would never want this to end but I know that’s not possible. I still love Dave and the thought of hurting him just… hurts me. And I want you to be happy. I want you to have someone who can be with you and be everything for you. I know it will happen, I just know it.” Sarah professed.

“I don’t want to hurt Dave either. I feel awful about it already. My conscience is a bitch, this is going to hard for me to carry around.” I muttered mostly to myself.

Sarah fell quiet for a while. We both just lay there lost in our own thoughts, holding one another and taking strength from each other through our gentle touching. I could hear the familiar sounds of my apartment building around us, doors opening and closing, people tromping down the stairs to the building’s front door. Traffic outside in the parking lot or on the street. The air conditioning kicking on and blowers moving air. Sarah sat up and told me to lay still. She climbed off the bed and went through my blackout curtain only to return a minute or so later carrying the bottle of wine she had brought with her. She handed it to me to open it after I too sat up.

We sat there naked as babes on my bed, drinking that sweet white wine from the bottle. We sat facing one another, Indian style, our legs crossed in front of us. Sarah told me that she had spoken with Dave this afternoon. She had called his mother’s house from the Pharmacy after her manager had said it would be okay. Dave had told her that his mother was just barely hanging on, but she didn’t even know who he was anymore. Sarah said she had told Dave about going to dinner and then seeing the movie with me last night. He was happy about that. He said he would call and thank me when he got a chance. And there it was… the guilt rising up again to remind me that I had broken the trust my friend had placed in me. Sarah sensed my mood and handed me the bottle again. I smiled weakly and took another long slug of the sweet wine before handing it back to her again. She tipped it up and held it… we had emptied the bottle between us. Of course, Mother Nature had to show up about then. I felt my bladder signaling for a release. I suspected that Sarah might be in need to use the restroom as well.

“You know where the bathroom is…” I began but she was on her feet and heading through the blackout curtain before I could even finish.

I just shook my head and smiled. Oooh… not a good move. My head swam a little. Yeah, it had only been half a bottle of wine but I have a low tolerance for alcohol to start with. I heard the jet stream like spray of Sarah’s release hitting the water in the bowl just before a long sigh. A rattle of the toilet paper roll then the flush. Sarah, reemerged though the curtain smiling sheepishly.

“Next…” She said and giggled.

I relieved my aching bladder then washed my hands after flushing. I returned to my bedroom to find Sarah stretched out languidly, her head propped up on her right hand with her elbow on a pillow. She patted the bed beside her. I sighed internally knowing that if I laid down next to her, things were going to get even more complicated. But the wine had lowered my inhibitions or at least fogged my thinking mind somewhat. The caveman was there to take over though, willingly. And so, I crawled onto my bed and lay next to Sarah and we looked into one another’s eyes… right up until our lips met once more.

The heat of passion and wanton lust had cooled. This kiss was simple in that it was just soft and sensual. It was a loving kiss for the sake of love. The touching and caresses were the same, soft and sensual and loving, gentle and kind. Yes, we made love. It was slow and deliberate and so very sweet and warm. There was the inevitable frenetic climax of course, and again it was simultaneous, as if completion was a combination of our bodies and spirits. Even my aftershock seemed somewhat subdued this time. Afterwards we lay in each other’s arms and just held one another. No talking, just feeling of completeness and togetherness. Inevitably, with the heavy mental load, and the physical excitement and exercise we had between us… and of course, a bottle of wine… both Sarah and I drifted off to sleep in each other’s arms.

We slept for nearly three hours before we woke up. Well… before I woke up, Sarah slept on peacefully in my arms for a while longer. I lay there holding her and thought about the mess that I had made of my friendship with her and her husband Dave. I was not proud of myself, not by a long shot. This was the first time that I had knowingly entered into a relationship with a married woman whose marriage was not on the rocks or over. The others I had been involved with had extenuating circumstances. Like Anne, but she and her husband Todd had an open marriage that I still had trouble wrapping my head around. There is Barbara, she was married in name only and was going through a divorce even before we entered into our relationship such that it is. Gail, Barbara’s sister was married and still is but that was a one-time thing and a surprise to both of us. There had been a couple of others over the years that I didn’t find out they were married until after the fact. No, this fiasco with Sarah was new territory for me emotionally and intellectually. I truly did think we were friends and friends only. I was friends with her husband Dave and that is the what was bothering me the most, I think.

Trust… one of the three pillars of any relationship. Respect and honesty being the other two pillars and they were just as important, but without any one of the three a relationship was doomed. Any kind of relationship… romantic or even just friendship. My imagination was painting a horrible picture of what was to possibly come out of this interlude between Sarah and myself. Her relationship, her marriage with Dave would suffer. Would it survive the broken trust of infidelity? I know Sarah would be heartbroken if it didn’t, as would Dave. Looking down at Sarah’s sleeping face I felt a pang in my heart for being the cause of her and Dave’s heartache that might come. What to do? Would it be better to pretend it had never happened and continue on day to day as we always had? That soured my thoughts too though. Living a lie is never easy to do and it wears on your soul. Would I ever be able to look at Sarah again as only a friend, or she look at me as the same?

I was lost in my jumbled turmoil of thoughts when I felt Sarah’s hand on the side of my face. I looked down and saw that she was awake and her beautiful dark eyes were studying me intently. There was a sad smile on her face as I know her thoughts had to be similar to my own. Her fingers brushed lightly across my lips before she withdrew her hand to clasp both together and hold them to her chest as if hugging a memory close to her heart.

“What time is it?” Sarah asked, breaking the silence. I glanced over at my clock on the bookcase headboard and noted that it was a little past seven o’clock in the evening.

“It’s after dark, we’ve been asleep a while.” I told her with a sad and somewhat sheepish smile.

“Jim… I’m sorry if this is troubling you…” Sarah spoke softly.

“Sarah, I’m a grown man, I can admit to my failings and mistakes. It was as much if not entirely my fault.” I said somberly.

“Was it?” Sarah asked quietly. “A mistake? I know it was wrong but was it really a mistake?” She asked further, her bottom lip trembling with emotion.

“I wish it wasn’t Sarah… but I failed… I broke the trust of friendship with both you and Dave. I overstepped my boundaries… knowingly.” I lamented with a sad face and a heavy heart. Again, I felt Sarah’s hand on my face. Her fingers gently stroking my right cheek, drawing my eyes back to hers.

“Jim, we are both guilty of stepping out of bounds, but you haven’t hurt me in any way.” Sarah pronounced with no uncertainty.

“I still love Dave just as much, I’ve never stopped loving him. I know that in my heart he loves me too, and what we did is likely to hurt him deeply. I should be the one to tell him. But…” she halted, biting her bottom lip and breaking eye contact and hanging her head.

“But what?” I asked softly, even though I thought I knew what she was hesitant to say.

“Does Dave have to be told?” Sara asked in a near whisper slowly raising her head to again look me in the eyes questioningly. “I mean… I know it sounds awful and like I don’t care, but If he didn’t know, he wouldn’t be hurt by it… you think?” She asked almost afraid to pose the question let alone hear my answer.

I grimaced as I had already thought of that very idea and it didn’t sit well with me since it would be basically continuing a lie. I had to admit that on the surface though it did seem appealing in that it saved Dave the heartache that was surely to come from the knowledge of what we had done. I guess my quiet contemplation was perceived as disagreement with what Sarah had asked. She again lowered her head and fell silent for a bit. Before I could answer her though my stomach growled, loudly. I hung my own head and shook it resignedly. Of all the times that could happen it does it at a time like this, during this conversation? Before I could even comment on that either there came another growl… this time from Sarah’s empty stomach. That was enough to shatter the somber mood as we both began to chuckle at the absurdity of it all.

“I don’t guess I have to ask if you are hungry or not.” I said as I reached over with my left hand and brushed a few strands her Sarah dark hair out of her face and back over her ear.

“Or yourself…” she chuckled in response. She turned her head to look at me and we both smiled sadly. Looking into one another’s eyes we both felt the draw again, and we both took a deep breath and sighed at the same time.

“Come on, let’s get up and get dressed and go get a bite to eat. Frisch’s sound okay to you?” I asked.

“Yeah, I can afford that.” Sarah responded and sat up stretching her arms high over her head.

“No, no, no… I’m asking you to join me, my treat.” I corrected her and smirked and shrugged when she gave me that single eyebrow raised questioning look.

We got up and both used the bathroom, again, and looked around for our scattered clothing. I had to put something on other than the sweats and tee shirt I had been wearing when Sarah had arrived hours earlier though. We were just about ready to head out the door when my phone rang in the kitchen. Wondering who it might be I reached for the receiver and picked up.

“Hello?” I asked.

“Jim? Hi, it’s Dave… I didn’t wake you, did I?” He said as I looked towards Sarah and felt my stomach flip.

“Hi Dave, Sarah was just talking about you.” I said as Sarah glanced at me and tilted her head a bit to one shoulder and her face took on a slightly worried expression.

“Oh?” Dave responded.

“Yeah, we were about to go have dinner at Frisch’s. She told me that she had talked to you this afternoon.” I explained. Sarah leaned against the edge of the doorway from the kitchen to the dining area, her left hand at her lips and chin as she listened to my end of the conversation.

“You’re taking her on a date again tonight?” Dave asked with a laugh.

“Well, not really a date, just hungry and thought I’d like company. She said she’d be delighted to join me… so…” I elaborated.

“Yeah, I think it’d be hard to top last night from what Sarah told me this afternoon. Hey Jim… thanks man. You really made her day last night.” Dave told me in a warm voice. My stomach soured just a little bit more thinking that if he knew everything that we did last night he wouldn’t be quite so thankful or happy though.

“It wasn’t much really.” I stated. “I just took her to an old campus hangout for a greasy burger, then we went to see a movie. It was nice to get out and just relax, especially accompanied by a friend.” I effused and smiled softly at Sarah as she smiled meekly at me when she heard my words.

“Well, my friend, you really lifted her spirits. She sounded so happy when she told me about it all. I also heard that you guys ran into some mutual friends after the movie.” Dave chuckled. I had a feeling he was told more about Terry and by association Francine and her learning of Franky’s preferences.

“It was… quite a coincidence, that’s for certain. And quite an eye opener too. I felt like crawling under the table and disappearing at one point. I was put on the spot and called out.” I sighed and blushed looking at Sarah whose eyebrows were giving me that questioning look again since she could only hear my side of the phone call.

“Oh well, at least she didn’t find out from you or me.” Dave said with a laugh.

“Yes, there is that. Dave, Sarah told me about your mom, I’m sorry man. I know that’s gotta be tough to deal with.” I said in a somber voice knowing I was bringing the mood down.

“It’s hard Jim. I thought I was ready for it, you know? We’ve known it was coming… but still… It’s hard.” Dave admitted with a sad resigned voice.

“Honestly man, I can’t imagine. I feel for you though.” I offered with sincerity that was heard in my voice. Dave paused for a moment or two on the other end of the phone line. I could imagine him wiping at his eyes and taking a deep breath. I glanced up at Sarah and she had a sad smile that verged on pouting and a soft look in her eyes. I had to glance away again as I felt my throat tightening.

“Thanks Jim, and thanks for taking care of my girl for me man… You don’t know how much it means to me… and to her. You’ve been a lifesaver for us, for her. I owe you man. Listen, I’ll let you go, tell Sarah I love her and I’ll talk to her tomorrow.” Dave said in a choked voice. I had to struggle to reply with a clear voice.

“I will Dave, and thanks. Talk to you later man.” I managed to get out without croaking like a frog. I heard the line break and then turned to hang up my phone. I just stood there for a moment with my hand on the phone as I collected my thoughts and tried to get a grip on my emotions.

“You didn’t tell Dave I was here?” Sarah asked quietly as she tilted her head slightly to one shoulder.

“He didn’t ask, and I thought it would be… a little awkward to explain. I think he got the impression that you were here though.” I said as I replayed the phone conversation in my mind.

“Well, you didn’t lie to him… I wouldn’t ask you to do that Jim.” Sarah offered in a steady voice and a serious look on her troubled face.

“I know Sarah, I don’t know if I could lie to him anyway though. It’s not what friends do. Hell… what we did is not what friends to either… but I did it…” I said in a small voice and hung my head with my eyes closed for a moment.

“Jim…” Sarah began, but I cut her off by raising my head and looking at her with a sad smile and shrugged. I stepped over to her and stood toe to toe as we looked into one another’s eyes. I brought my right hand up to rub her left arm from the elbow to the shoulder and back softly.

“Sarah… I’m sorry. I’m sorry I let myself give in to my desires and temptations. I’m sorry I put you… us… into this situation. It’s complicated… it’s fucked up! But Sarah, I’m not sorry for feeling what I feel for you. There’s not a man alive who wouldn’t feel this way had they had the same fortune to have your favor and attention. For that I thank you. I will treasure our time together forever… I just hope that this mess won’t end up hurting you… or Dave. I’m afraid it will though, and that’s killing me.” I spilled out my heart to her as we stood there in the doorway between my kitchen and my dining area in that small apartment.

Sarah stood there quietly, looking deep into my eyes. Here dark ebony eyes shined with wetness of threatening tears and her bottom lip trembled ever so slightly as she fought to keep smiling softly. I hadn’t even realized that she was holding her breath until she gasped in a lungful of air and shuddered under my touch. Before I could even process this however, Sarah wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me into a fierce hug and buried her face in the crook of my neck and sobbed. After standing there for a moment or two with my arms up in surprise, they closed about her to hold her tightly. My right hand stroked her from the back of her head down her neck to the middle of her back and repeated several times. My own head leaned into her hair and I kissed her head softly while making shushing sounds as if to quiet a crying child.

“Jim… how the hell are you still single? So kind and gentle and… and… good. Any girl would fall in love with you if they got to know you.” Sarah sobbed into my neck. I rocked her gently from side to side in a twisting motion, not even aware that I was actually doing it really.

“I don’t think I’m quite as special as you make me out to be Sarah, I’m just a regular guy…” I told her in a self-depreciating voice… bashful voice.

“HA! There’s nothing regular about you Jim!” Sarah barked in an ironic laugh and sniffed before pulling back to look me in the face again.

“I think your biggest failing is not seeing yourself as others see you. But then, that might be part of your charm, I guess. Being modest and open and… real. I’m so glad I got to meet you and to become your friend… and…” Sara professed and then hung her head again as the last omitted confession went unsaid. She took another deep breath and snapped her head back to face me though.

The teary eyes and quivering smile softened the pain I felt for the fact that she was in turmoil and obvious emotional pain. Those dark ebony eyes locked onto mine and I felt that familiar draw. I hardly had time for a sigh before her lips were on mine and we were swept away on the wave of sensations carried in that warm sensuous kiss. There was no tongue play, no biting or breathlessness, only soft electric gentleness of love and appreciation of one another. When the kiss broke, we stood there, forehead to forehead catching our thoughts once more. And then, my stomach growled.

Sarah giggled and pulled back to look me in the eyes, hers were shining still with latent tears but she was smiling genuinely and yes, happy, I guess. I smiled in return and we both knew that we would always feel this way towards one another, whatever might come yet. Sarah slipped her hands from around me waist and took one of mine in hers and led me to my door. Without another word, we left my apartment and took my car to Frisch’s to get some dinner. I don’t even remember what we ordered, I remember watching her across the table, and her watching me as we talked about anything and everything other than what was on our minds. Then the drive back to my apartment where I walked Sarah to her car. We hugged one last time, no kissing this time, before she got in and drove off towards home.

I didn’t get on my computer and dial up Night Friends that night. I just kind of vegged on my couch in front of the TV. I’m not even sure what I watched really it was just pretty much moving lights and background noise to the thoughts racing through my mind Yeah, my mood was pretty somber that night. That night, and for the next three or four to come actually. I must have been in a fog for most of my twelve hour shifts the next few nights, as my conscience and my heart went round and round over what happened with Sarah. So many times, I wanted to pick up the phone when I got home and call her, to talk to her, to hear her voice, to check on her to see how she was holding up. I didn’t call her though. I did get online a few minutes most mornings but either she hadn’t been online or she didn’t leave any messages for me. I felt bad for her… I felt bad for myself.

It was my second night off when I found myself in need of a grocery run. My cabinets and fridge were bare and empty. As I pushed my cart along absently in the grocery store lost in a fog, I heard someone say hi. It took me a moment to realize that they were talking to me and I glanced up from my daydreaming to see the owner of the voice. It was a blonde young lady with a cute smile. I was a bit puzzled for a moment as to if or how I knew her but then I saw a few tomatoes in her cart and it came to me.

“Hi… uh… Suzanne… right?” I asked hesitantly. Her eyes lit up and her smile got even brighter.

“Yeah, right! You remembered. I asked you and your… friend… about tomatoes a while back.” She said with a curious lilt to her voice, almost as if it were a question rather than a statement. I knew she was fishing a little as Sarah and I never really said what our relationship was, so she had to wonder or assume.

“Oh yeah…” I said and smiled a little self-consciously.

“Well thanks again, it was good to see you… bye.” Suzanne smiled sweetly as she gave a little girly wave and pushed on down the aisle in the opposite direction from my own.

I had to smile wryly to myself as I remembered how aggravated I had been with Sarah that afternoon when I had first met Suzanne. Sarah was in rare form trying to play match maker again. Yeah, it seems so trivial compared to the mess I’m trying to figure out now. Then it hit me… I had been so wrapped up in my self-loathing and personal pity party that I had done something awful. I had left Sarah out in the cold. I had not talked to her or reached out in any way since the last time I had seen her. The day she came to my apartment… the day after all this started. I cringed as I thought about what she must be thinking of me or what she might think that I felt about her. God! How many guilty consciences did I have anyway? Damn it! She deserves better than how I’ve treated her that’s for sure. I resolved to talk to her as soon as I got home. I would call her, or try anyway. With a cloud over my head and my stomach churning from stress and worry, I finished my grocery shopping and went home to my apartment.

Once I put my groceries away, I picked up my phone and dialed Dave and Sarah’s phone number. I turned and leaned back against the wall and as the phone rang, I let myself slide down the wall till I was sitting on the floor of my little galley kitchen. The phone just kept ringing and ringing and ringing… I let the phone drop to my lap when the continual ringing began to sound like an alarm in my mind. Another not so subtle reminder that I had fucked up… again. Eventually I stood up and hung up the phone. Maybe Sarah was still at work… if she worked that day that is. With a heavy sigh I silently vowed to try to call her again later.

I pushed through my black out curtain into my bedroom. I switched on my bedside lamp then took a seat at my desk and fired up my computer. I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my face with both hands as the modem went through its electronic dance with the warbling tones and static that heralded a connection being made. When my screen began to scroll and fill with text I sat forward and entered my user ID and password to log onto Night Friends. Out of force of habit I checked for messages first. There was nothing from Sarah or Dave. I had a brief message from my buddy Todd though and that brought a sad smile to my face for a moment. Yeah, to think that my hesitancy to join him and his wife Anne in a three-way playtime used to give me pause… that was nothing compared to the fiasco I just jumped feet first into with Dave and Sarah. According to this message though, Todd and Anne were still hoping that I might break down and join them sometime. It would be a little tougher to do now though as they had moved back to Virginia to be closer to his ailing and aging mother. Someday maybe.

A private message popped up on my screen as I was contemplating dropping into the Trivia game for a while. It was from Barbra…

Wildone: “Hi there!” Barb sent with a kiss action.

Frodov: “Hello gorgeous. Are you home?” I asked with a noticeable speeding of my heart rate.

Wildone: “No, not yet. We should be wrapping up this training class the day after tomorrow though. I couldn’t wait to tell you about it.” Barb lamented and sent a pout action with her text.

Frodov: “I’ve missed you babe… I could really use some advice… I think I fucked up… BIG TIME!” I sent with a frown.

Wildone: “Oh did you? How? Damn! I have to go, I borrowed the computer I’ve been training on so that I could log on. My group is heading out to dinner now. I’ll call you later tonight though.” Barb sent.

Frodov: “Okay babe… and thanks. I love you.” I sent to her in response.

Wildone: “I love you too… cheer up… it can’t be that bad… tell me about it later. Gotta go. Bye.” She sent and then she disappeared from the list of users online at the bulletin board.

I sat back in my chair again and brought my hands to my face to rub it and groan out loud in frustration. I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind or the mood to play trivia so I just logged off the board then shut down my computer. After sitting there looking at my darkened monitor for some time, I got up and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Leaning against the counter at my sink, looking at my phone on the wall across from me I was thinking about trying to call Sarah again when the phone rang. My first thought was that maybe Barbra had begged off from going to dinner with her group and had returned to her room to call me. That would have been great but that’s not what I heard when I answered the phone.

“Hello?” I queried into the receiver.

“Jim…” I heard Sarah’s voice… very subdued and almost hesitant in response.

“Sarah… I… I’m so sorry… I…” I began but she cut me off in mid-sentence.

“Jim… don’t. Please don’t apologize… I don’t know if I can take that right now.” She gasped.

I stood there in my kitchen, the phone to my ear and my forehead resting against the wall next to the doorway. My heart was racing and my stomach was doing flips. I could hear Sarah breathing on her end of the phone line, and a sniff as if she were crying. After a few moments she went on in a calmer voice.

“What we did… was beautiful Jim. I know at least for me it was all about love, and being loved. I know you would never do anything to hurt me. I know what we did was… was wrong in so many ways. But… I don’t regret it for a moment. So, just don’t apologize. Please.” Sarah’s voice began to crack with the last of what she had just said. I had to gulp and steady myself before I could speak again myself.

“I just don’t want to hurt you, Sarah. You mean too much to me for me to feel anything but sorry if I even thought that I caused you any pain. Honestly… I’ve been so self-absorbed and wracked with guilt these past few days I hadn’t even thought of at least just calling you to see if you were okay. Today, in the grocery store I ran into that blonde gal that you tried to… the tomato girl… I… I realized I had been an idiot for not reaching out. I wouldn’t blame you for being angry at me.” I confessed in a rushed voice trying to get it all out there before she either hung up or interrupted me again. There was silence on her end of the phone. I held my breath.

“So? Did you get her phone number this time?” Sarah asked in a quiet voice. My brows knitted in confusion.

“No… What? Sarah…” I began plaintively.

“Well, why the hell not? She was gorgeous Jim! She obviously remembered you. I’m sure she would have given you’re her phone number.” Sarah half spoke and half giggled.

“Sarah, you are unbelievable!” I croaked as I started tapping my forehead on the wall repeatedly. I will NEVER understand women!

“Jim! I love you! I want you to be happy. I know that I can’t do that for you… not forever anyway. You need someone in your life, not just passing interests. I know you’ve been hurt but life goes on. You are allowed to be happy!” Sarah whined in that familiar plaintive voice she used time and time again when she tried to fix me up in the past.

“I know babe… but it’s so hard to let my guard down and… trust again. But honestly, I don’t know if I’m smart enough to do right by someone else. I mean look at us…” I began but she cut me off almost instantly.

“STOP IT JIM! Just… stop it! I swear to God I’ll kick your ass if you start apologizing to me again.” Sarah proclaimed but I heard the catch in her throat and the sniff again. I had to smile even though my heart was breaking because I knew she was in fact still hurting.

“I’m tempted you know…” I all but whispered into the receiver.

“What?” Sarah asked, confused by the statement I’d just made.

“I’m tempted to say it again just to get you to try to… kick my ass…” I chuckled softly… sadly.

“Oh God! You kill me!” I heard Sarah bark a little laugh… a teary eyed choked up laugh… but a laugh all the same.

“Sarah… you are worth every bit of this… mess. Don’t ever doubt yourself. Please…” I spoke softly from my heart.

“And so are you, Jim. I need to get off the phone now. Dave said he would call me tonight…” Sarah sounded hesitant again.

“Yeah… Okay. I… Goodnight, Sarah.” I said in a quiet voice.

“Goodnight, Jim.” Sarah spoke softly and I heard the phone disconnect a moment later.

I hung the receiver on the phone’s base unit on the wall… and again tapped my forehead over and over against the wall. Now I’m not much of a drinker and never have been really but that night I needed something. I turned and opened my cupboard and got a glass. Turning to the fridge I opened the freezer door and got a few cubes of ice out of my ice bucket. Then I reached farther back in the freezer and grabbed the lone bottle of alcohol… a fifth of Maker’s Mark Bourbon. I poured myself about two fingers over the ice and then closed the bottle back up and returned it to its resting place. I picked up my glass and stirred it with one finger as I walked into my living room and plopped down on my sofa. I grabbed the remote and turned on the TV and cable box. Sitting back, I took a long sip from my glass and nearly gagged at the fiery amber liquid’s burn down my throat. It was a slow burn all the way to my stomach.

I have no idea what I was watching or how long I had been sitting there zoning out. I was startled out of my funk when I heard my phone ringing in the kitchen. I looked down to my chest where I had both hands wrapped around the glass and noted that while all the bourbon was gone now, there was some melted water and some much smaller ice cubes still in the bottom of the glass. Again, the phone rang. I leaned forward to stand and got a little light headed. Carefully, I sat the glass down on my coffee table and with one hand on the table and one on the sofa cushion beside me I stood up. I waited a moment for my head to come to equilibrium again then started towards the kitchen as the phone rang again. I made it there without falling down or even falling over. Whew!

“H…Hello?” I mumbled into the phone.

“Hi there… Did I wake you?” Barbra’s voice purred through the phone line like a velvet gloved hand stroking my ear and down the side of my neck. I Gasped as if I had been holding my breath. Turning to put my back to the wall, I again slid down to sit on the floor next to the doorway.

“N… No, you didn’t wake me. I was… I was self-medicating…” I confessed.

“Oh? And what are you drinking? That same bourbon that’s been in your freezer for what? Two years?” Barbra asked with a sultry chuckle. I couldn’t help but to smile.

“As a matter of fact, yes. Yes, it was.” I smiled even though Barbra couldn’t see it.

“And this is because… you’re troubled?” Barbra asked in a softer more concerned voice.

With my back to the wall, sitting on the floor, I had the phone cradled between my ear and my left shoulder… my right arm was up and my forearm resting on top of my head. I sighed heavily as the weariness swept over me all over again. To her credit, Barb waited for me to speak again…

“I fucked up Barb… I did something bad.” I sighed into the receiver.

“Did you?” Barb asked point blank… then added. “What did you do, exactly?” Again, she paused… waiting on me to continue.

“I went too far Barb. I got swept up in the… Fuck! I just shouldn’t have gone that far.” I lamented as I brought my right hand down over my face to cover my eyes that were suddenly burning even in the dim light of my kitchen with the lights only coming from the living room.

“Jim… I know you. I Can’t believe you did anything wrong… Tell me what happened, from the beginning.” Barb told me softly, her voice tinged with concern and… regret… that she wasn’t there in person perhaps.

I went on to tell her everything. Well, everything that she didn’t already know anyway. Barbra knew that I was friends with Dave and Sarah and had been for quite a while. She knew them from the Night Friends bulletin board as well as having met them at the one or two get togethers that Barbra actually attended. She knew too, how much I cared for the both of them as friends. She reminded me that sometimes friends become… more… than friends. She and I had done just that, and we still were. Barbra wasn’t the least bit surprised that Sarah and I had crossed that line, she told me that it was just in my nature to be a giver. Someone who gave love, no matter in what form, to those I cared for.

Barb did agree that I had crossed a line as far as our friendships go with Dave. I had broken a trust that might be impossible to repair. She asked me how Sarah felt about it, or at least what she had told me anyway. I related that Sarah was still very much in love with Dave and didn’t want to leave him for any reason. I noted that she had actually floated the idea of not telling Dave about anything at all. When Barb asked me what I thought about that I had to tell her that it didn’t sit well with me at all. She actually laughed at me as if confirming what she knew of me already. She told me I had always been too nice for my own good sometimes. Eventually Barbra asked me that most important question… Was this over between Sarah and I?

“Honestly, Barb, I don’t know. I mean… my brain screams YES! It’s OVER!… but my heart… I don’t trust myself around her Barb.” I lamented softly into the phone.

“Is it the physical attraction? Are you just horny, or is it something else?” Barb asked with a reserved tone in her voice that I had only heard a few times from her… like she was trying to hold back judgment.

“I’d be lying if I said that there was no physical attraction… but no… I think it’s something else. Something that’s hard to describe, at least not completely. There’s just a connection… a draw… I’ve felt it before with a few others… I’ve felt it with you Barb… I don’t know, it’s like I just can’t say no to the attraction, it’s like a drug.” I ended with a sigh

“Yes… I know that feeling… I felt it… with you… for the first time in my life. My guess is that she feels it too, and it may be the first time in her life as well. It can be… overwhelming… and addictive.” Barb gave a soft chuckle as she confessed her own feelings.

“Barb… What do I do? They are both my friends… or were anyway. I don’t want to hurt Sarah, but I know I can’t live with this guilt. I’m not a very good poker player, if I go around Dave and Sarah, I’m afraid I’ll do or say something that will… Fuck! She’s going to get hurt either way. If she tells Dave then he will hate me and worse, he’ll hate her. If I tell him maybe I can take all the blame and he might not hate her at least. He’ll still be hurt either way.” I said with an exasperated sigh and let my head fall heavily back against the wall behind me.

“I can’t tell you what to do, Jim. But I know you, you have a good heart. Whatever you end up doing, it will be the right thing. Have you heard from Dave since last week?” Barb asked.

“No… I haven’t. He’s got so much on his plate right now it makes this all the more cruel and… just wrong. His mom is literally on her death bed, she could go at any moment. He’s got to deal with that and then her estate afterwards… then come home to this freakin’ soap opera.” I explained as I pinched the bridge of my nose with the thumb and fore finger of my right hand.

“Again, I can’t tell you what to do, but…” Barb began and then trailed off into silence.

“But what?” I asked with a tiny sliver of hope that she might give me some wisdom.

“Well, you said that Sarah asked about the possibility of not saying anything about it to Dave… Maybe you should just sit tight and let her take the lead on this. She would know him and his thoughts far better than anyone else… Trust her instincts. I know that will be hard to do, but maybe you should try.” Barb offered questioningly. I had to admit that her logic was more practical than my own at the moment.

“Barb… Thank you… for trying…” I half choked into the phone as realization began to settle into my brain that the woman I was talking to loved me more than I even suspected. We may be friends, true, but we shared a love that went far beyond just friendship, even farther than that of being lovers. Just as I cared for her, she cared for me just as deeply. I knew she had my best interests in mind.

“I wish I were there with you right now. I want so badly to just wrap you in my arms and hold you to quiet your mind.” Barb confessed in a soft loving voice.

“And I you, babe. I’m afraid that if you were though… uh… something might come up.” I said meekly with a sheepish grin on my face that she couldn’t see.

“Well, I would certainly hope so!” Barb chuckled in that sultry voice once more. Us older girls like to be appreciated too you know.” She added with another chuckle.

“Barb?” I asked coming back down to reality

“Yeah?” She asked in response.

“Thanks… I mean it. I… You know I love you.” I professed in a quiet voice that was full of the sincerity I felt in my heart.

“I know, Jim… and you know I love you too. I always will. Now lighten up, it will all work out. Try to rest your mind. And hey… I’ll be coming home the middle of next week. I could deliver that hug in person soon.” She said with a serious voice that lifted into a slight tease at the end.

I couldn’t help but to smile at that. I told Barb that she already knew I’d be willing and ready and waiting when she could come to see me, or I to go see her. Now that her divorce had been finalized, we were no longer under the onus of keeping our relationship, such that it was, under cover. I could be seen coming and going from her house. We still hung out with her circle of friends whenever we could all get together. Hell, they even teased me about seeing other girls when we did get together. They knew that what Barb and I had was special and unique in many ways. Honestly, I think most were a little jealous of us at times. I can’t imagine what they would say about this situation with Sarah though. I slowly stood back up and hung up the phone after Barb and I said goodnight. I smiled as I realized that she really had lightened my heart and mind. Oh, I was still troubled, but not nearly as much now.

Normally, this time of the night, the PM side of midnight, I would be wide awake and looking for something to occupy my time and attention when I was not working. This night however, I was fatigued. I know it was mostly due to the stress on my heart and mind, maybe partly due to not having eaten anything in almost 24 hours too though. My stomach growled and was reminded that I did in fact, need to eat. I opened the fridge and looked over some of the purchases I had made earlier in the day. I ended up deciding on breakfast food. A couple of eggs, some ham a couple of pieces of toast and maybe a slice of cheese.

I toasted the bread as I warmed my skillet on the stove. I put a pat of butter in the hot skillet when it was ready and warmed up a slice of ham. I put a slice of cheese on each piece of toast then set the ham atop of that when it was warmed. I then fried two eggs, over easy, which I set atop the ham when they were done. I fixed myself a tall glass of iced tea and grabbed a fork and a knife then took it all to my coffee table in the living room. Sitting on my sofa while I watched TV, I ate my breakfast. Once finished, I sat back on the sofa and put my feet up on the coffee table and sipped at my ice tea while my mind wandered.

At some point after I had finished my iced tea, I had nodded off, still sitting up on the couch. It was a door slamming somewhere in the building that roused me from my slumber. I awoke with a start. Not finding anything amiss, of course, I figured what the hell, it was after two in the morning, I could go to bed and get a little sleep earlier than usual. It would certainly be far more comfortable than sitting on my sofa. I gathered up my plate and silverware, and grabbed both my ice tea glass and the long-emptied glass I had the bourbon in earlier, and took it all to my kitchen. I put my dirty dishes in the sink to be washed tomorrow sometime, then turned off the light as I left the kitchen. I stepped across the hallway to push through my blackout curtain and into my bedroom the bedside lamp was still on glowing softly. I slipped off my clothes and pulled on a pair of sweats and a tee shirt before hitting the bathroom.

I don’t think I even recall laying down that night… I know I didn’t bother turning off the lamp, as it was on the next morning when my bladder woke me back up. I didn’t even bother looking at my bedside alarm clock because I already knew it was around eight o’clock in the morning. Groaning I rolled out of bed to answer the call of Mother Nature. Once my bladder was relieved, I washed my hands and face and brushed my teeth. I sniffed at my underarms and frowned… looking at my red rimmed eyes in the mirror I sighed knowing I’d not find any answers there. I turned on the hot water on the tap and set about shaving my ugly mug. A quick shower afterwards and I was starting to feel almost human again.

I was just stepping through my blackout curtain back into my bedroom when I heard the rattle of my door knocker. I paused for a moment to make sure it was coming from my door or one of my neighbors’… a second staccato of taps made me realize that it was indeed my door. I hastily threw on some sweat pants and was pulling a tee shirt on over my head as I peered through my peep-hole to see who it was. My heart skipped a beat and I grimaced as I saw that my visitor was Sarah. She was looking stone faced directly at the lens on the other side of the door. Bowing my head and saying a silent prayer for strength, I reached out with shaking hands and undid the chain and unlocked and opened my door.

There were no words spoken… we both just looked each other in the eye for several moments. We both smiled meekly with almost painfully apologetic expressions on our faces. I stepped back and held the door open for her to enter my apartment. I closed the door behind Sarah and again we stood there almost toe to toe, silently searching one another’s eyes. Sarah looked as though she had been crying at some point this morning, her dark ebony eyes were red rimmed but dry. Her lips were tight as if she were trying desperately to keep them from quivering. She held her purse in both hands at her waist as if she didn’t know what to do with her hands, or maybe to keep them from doing what she really wanted to do with them. I suspected it was much the same as my own desires… to reach out and pull her into me once more. Sarah took a shuddering deep breath and raised her head up from the slight dip that it had been in while studying my eyes.

“Jim… I wanted to catch you before you went to bed. I… I needed to see you… to… to talk.” Sarah stumbled her explanation for the visit. Her words said one thing, but her eyes were screaming the exact same thoughts I had when we first locked eyes as she stood outside my door.

“I just got up a little while ago actually.” I confessed in a quiet distracted voice, almost as if I were talking to myself. Sarah swallowed and her face softened a little as she changed gears mentally while processing what I had just said. She broke eye contact briefly, looking down at her hands or her feet maybe before lifting her head mostly back up and looking at me almost pleadingly.

“I… I spoke to with Dave last night when he called from his mom’s house.” Sarah began, she paused to swallow again before going on.

“His mom is not going to last much longer he thinks. The doctors said that they were surprised she’s still hanging on. His sisters have finally arrived and they are taking turns sitting with their mom. She doesn’t recognize any of them anymore. They… they are all strangers to her now.” Sarah gasped and again broke eye contact. “She’s all alone in her mind, Jim.” Sarah croaked as she began shuddering slightly.

I could feel the emotions coming off of her like vibrations. I knew that Sarah was comparing herself to Dave’s mom somehow, feeling all alone even in the company of people who loved her. I stopped thinking and just raised my hands and arms and stepped forward and wrapped Sarah up in my arms to hug her softly. Her head went to my neck and shoulder as she sobbed softly and shook in my arms. Neither of us spoke again for a while.

When she finally settled down and was breathing easier, Sarah sniffled and drew back from my embrace. Looking up at me sheepishly with watery eyes and a trembling lip… a lip that she bit softly as she fidgeted with her purse still held in both hands in front of her. I shifted my hands from her arms up to gently take the sides of her face. With my heart racing and my thinking brain screaming at me to stop… stop… STOP! I leaned in and our lips met. Softly, tenderly, hesitantly. There was no tongue, only soft pliant gentle lips. I drew back and Sarah opened her eyes again to study mine. I felt as much as heard her purse thud to the floor between our feet. Then her hands were around me and our lips collided again… this time with an urgency. “FUCK” my thinking brain screamed at me… my conscience beating its proverbial head against a brick wall as my caveman brain roared with glee and excitement.

I don’t know who disrobed who, but we both were pretty much naked to the world. We groped and grabbed and squeezed and stroked and kissed and kissed and kissed some more. We coupled in every position on every piece of furniture in my apartment, including my dining room table. I sat her down on the table at some point and kissed and fondled and… well… but we didn’t stop there, at one point I was pressed back up against the edge of my kitchen sink and Sarah was going down on me like it was her last meal on Earth. The next thing I knew I was on my knees at the side of my bed with Sarah’s thighs on either side of my head as I worshiped her wishing well. After she had come at least once like that she grabbed me by my hair and pulled me onto the bed with her. We probably performed some maneuvers and positions that even the Kama Sutra might find new. Our sexes joined in passion, our lips almost constantly in contact or at least searching for one another.

It all culminated with our legs scissoring one another, me slightly behind Sarah. My right hand holding her right shoulder at the neck. My left arm crossed over her left arm with her hands grasping at my left ass cheek… my left hand grasping and holding her left breast as we pounded and ground into one another. Our faces were cheek to cheek as we gasped for air as we reached that climactic finish line…

“OHHHHHHHGODDDDDD…. JIMMMMMMMM!” Sarah screamed. I almost didn’t hear her for my own animalistic wailing and grunting. And then… the lights went out.

When I finally swam back up from the deep dark warm depths of bliss to consciousness, I found myself still tangled with Sarah. My now spent manhood had lost his ardor and slipped out of her still wet and quivering garden of Eden. I was no longer inside of her but I was squished between our two bodies as I still lay alongside Sarah’s back. My left arm and hand were clasped in Sarah’s own and held tightly between her breasts as she panted and wound down from that orgasmic summit. I felt my pulse roaring in my ears… competing with the alarm bells and screaming of my conscience that was finally winning out over my now satiated Caveman brain… at least temporarily.

Sarah must have felt my body stiffen as I didn’t even have to warn her of my pending aftershock this time. She merely squeezed my left arm in reassurance as my body tensed and went into the now familiar paroxysms and seizure-like convulsions. She was still holding me tightly, when my brain reengaged and I became aware once more of my surroundings. We both lay there and contemplated what we had just done. It felt different this time somehow. It felt desperate… Desperate on Sarah’s part, the need and desire and longing were overpowering… Desperate on my part to give, to comfort, to reassure… and to hold on. Even the thinking part of my brain had to admit that I did desire this woman even though I knew it was wrong to do so, or at least wrong to act on that desire. It was Sarah who broke the silence first.

“Jim… I’m sorry. I told myself I was coming here to talk, honestly… but I think I know deep down I just wanted… wanted to be with you again.” She confessed in a soft almost whispering voice as her right hand drew her fingers lightly across my chest and through my chest hair to idly circle my left nipple.

“You know what? I had convinced myself last night that I had to find you and talk to you today too… But just like you, I think it was just an excuse to see you again… and… well… here we are. God Sarah, as much as I love you and as much as I… as I want you… we have to stop doing this. It’s just not right.” I told her confessing my own thoughts and ending with a sigh.

“I know… I know, I know, I know… This… We can’t keep doing this. As much as I want to, I know it must end. But… Damn it, Jim… It just feels soooo good. Until you kissed me last week… and we… I… I just felt like I had been holding my breath… like I had been dying of thirst and you gave me a cool drink of water. I wanted more… I NEEDED more. I know we have to stop. We… just… have to.” Sarah lamented in a half whiny half choked voice. I heard her sniffle again and felt what must have been tears running from her cheek to my neck and shoulder.

“You understand that it’s not because I don’t want you… or that I don’t desire you… right? I mean don’t you see that any man in his right mind would see you the same way that I do… the same way that Dave does…” I asked knowing that it was going to feel like a knife to Sarah’s heart. I know it, because it sure felt like one to my heart simply for the fact that I was hurting her and that I had hurt my friend Dave even if he didn’t know it… yet.

“See?” Sarah asked and slapped my chest half-heartedly and let out a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a sob. “Who else in this world could flatter me and guilt me in the same breath? And… make it feel like love at the same time. Jim, you kill me.

“It’s going to be hard… To be around you again when Dave comes home. I will always remember what we’ve shared. I will long for it, long for you. But I won’t be able to have you, it wouldn’t be right.” I declared in a steady but soft voice as I stroked Sarah’s hair with my right hand.

“Yes, it will be hard. But you will come around, won’t you? Oh, please tell me you will still visit me… us I mean. Come to dinner, movies, play cards… please Jim!” Sarah pleaded softly almost holding her breath waiting on my reply.

“I… I don’t know, Sarah. I… You know I want to… but… I…” I gave a heavy sigh and took a deep breath. “We’ll see. I can’t promise I’ll be around as much as… as before… But I’ll still come around. I just don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable or make anything weird between the three of us. You know we have to think about Dave too, right?” I stated more than asked.

“You couldn’t imagine how much I think about Dave and… all of this. Oh, Jim, I do love him, and… I know I’ll have to tell him… sometime. I know it will hurt him when I do. And it should be me that tells him.” Sarah spoke in a steady voice, her soft tone told me that she was not going to argue this point.

“Sarah…” I began, but she cut me off by grabbing me by the side of my face and turning me to her so that her lips could still mine and stop me from speaking or arguing.

In less than two heartbeats she had my face in both hands and she was kneeling beside me, her breast pressing into my chest as if she were trying to push me through my bed to the floor. I felt her right leg lift and cross my waist. Now straddling me once again, Sarah started grinding her body into mine. Yes, my body responded in kind. My heart began to beat faster again, my hands found themselves on Sarah’s flanks and were sliding up her sides, her skin hot to my touch.

As much as I would have loved to have… made love… to her again, right that moment… it was way too soon from what we had just finished. My tank was out of gas and I was running on fumes. I think Sarah realized that too though, as she finally released her ravenous lip hold on me and sat up still astride me. Her arms and hands sliding from my face and across my chest. With wanton lust still vivid in her ebony eyes, she gave me a sad smile and then tilted her head back to look at the ceiling and gave an almost angry exasperated sounding groan. Then she let herself fall to her back between my legs. Her ass and therefore the rest of her sex was still sitting on top of my waist as her legs unfolded from under her and straightened out on either side of my torso. Oh God! What a display! Her lips were partly open and she was weeping our combined fluids. I may have been spent, but even so, my manhood stirred slightly at this sight. I had to take a deep breath to steady myself.

Sarah giggled. It was a little odd really, I mean as heavy as our thoughts and conversation had been just a minute or so ago, and as fast as our lusts had fanned into flame only to go out again… but to giggle? There it was… she giggled again, this time it stretched out for a bit even as Sarah brought her arms over her face. I rose up on my elbows to look down my body to see her. I was about to ask her what she was laughing about when, again, she spoke before I could.

“Jim, do you have anything we can cook for lunch?” Sarah asked. Huh? I thought to myself.

“Yeaaaah…” I responded in a little confused voice. “Why?” I asked.

“Because… I’m hungry. I know you are probably hungry as well. I had thought about taking you out for lunch but I don’t want to do that now. I want to have something here… and Keep you HERE.” Sarah said raising up on her own elbows and scooting down a bit so that her ass was now between my legs and my half erect manhood was brushing her still very aroused and weeping temptation.

“Jim, this is wrong, we shouldn’t be doing this… It’s got to stop… it… it will stop. But for now, for today… if you will have me… I’m going to have as much of it… as much of you as I can possibly get. I’m making memories, because that’s all we will have after today.” Sarah proclaimed with a fierce determination even if her voice was practically breaking and almost pleading. The look in those watery ebony eyes was almost steely. I knew she meant every word she just said… so I was not prepared for her next ones.

“Can you do that… can WE do that, Jim?” Sarah asked and her voice cracked with my name.

“I don’t have much to offer… as far as food goes, I mean…” I said with a grin, thinking to lighten the mood just a bit before continuing in a more serious tone. “As far as spending the day with you… What’s the saying? “In for a penny… in for a pound?” Considering what we’ve already done, anything else we do today is not going to make it any less wrong… I’d be honored to be in your company and show you how much I love and admire you.” I said in an even voice while looking her eyes with an unwavering gaze.

Sarah’s watery eyes overflowed and her smile broke out just like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. She sat up, as did I and we embraced, and of course we kissed again. Then we were on the move. Sarah fell backwards and rolled over separating from me to climb off my bed and head to the bathroom. I brought my hands to my face and scrubbed them as I struggled to make some sort of rational sense of what I was doing. It was true what I had told Sarah. Nothing we did today could change what we had already done. And, if we were going to end this… this affair… that is what it was really. If we were ending this affair then today would be our last fling together. It made an odd sort of twisted sense that we should enjoy it as much as we could. Enjoy one another as much as we could. With that thought, I smiled and twisted to scoot off my bed and head to the bathroom as well.

I was just going through the bathroom door as Sarah turned to flush the toilet after emptying her bladder. I thought of Barb of all things and how she liked to freshen up after we played. I mentioned to Sarah that there were some bottles of Massengill under the sink if she would like to, “rinse” out. She smiled and turned her head slightly to give me that sidelong glance that women do when they are trying to figure you out. I shrugged and stepped to the toilet to empty my own bladder while she got a bottle out and readied it for use. We traded places again, her sitting on the seat while I washed my hands and tried not to watch the machinations of her cleansing. The sound of the bottle squeezed then the jet stream of the liquid being expelled were hardly masked by the running water of the tap. Again, wiping and then flushing the toilet.

Sarah stood and looked slightly up into my eyes, studying me calmly, but she didn’t say anything more about the rinse or ask why I would have this kind of thing under my sink. Instead, she stood on her toes and kissed me softly on my lips and then took my shoulder and turned me to head me down the hall and to the kitchen. And so, we went… to the kitchen… both of us still completely naked.

We inventoried my food in the cupboards and my fridge and came up with a small salad each and a couple of cold sandwiches. We poured a couple of glasses of iced tea and took our lunch to the dining room table just outside the kitchen. Each took seats across from the other and we began eating. Slowly at first, awkwardly as we were both still naked… but soon we were eating with gusto. I guess we were both hungrier than we had realized. At one point I reached out and pulled a wrinkle out of my white table cloth, smoothing it out. Sarah watched me, then began to giggle almost silently. She was thinking back to earlier in the morning when She was sitting atop this very table and had caused that wrinkle to form. I grinned thinking the same thing myself.

When we had finished eating, we put our dirty dishes in the sink and again we were wrapped arm in arm and standing face to face inches from engaging in another marathon of kissing. Sara tilted her head down slightly and drew her bottom lip into her teeth. That look in her eyes told me she was considering something, her next idea perhaps. I didn’t have to wait long to find out.

“Jim, let’s take a shower…” She suggested and started backing towards the doorway to the hall behind her. Her hands still grasping my elbows, drawing me along with her.

“That sounds wonderful.” I said in agreement and she finally turned and walked… no… prissed the three strides to the bathroom. Her beautiful bare ass swaying seductively slightly from side to side as her feet crossed with each step like a model prancing down the runway of a fashion show.

I’m not sure what was hotter… the temperature of the water coming from the shower head or Sarah. It was certainly not my first time in a shower with a beautiful woman, but not a single previous time came to mind while Sarah was in my arms and she held me in hers. We did bathe, slowly, sensually soaping and rinsing one another’s bodies, exploring every watery inch of skin. We kissed slowly and sensually as well. Our tongues dancing and darting about with abandon. We made love… yes… slowly and sensually. The touches of our hands lingering and savoring all that we held and caressed.

Our watery, lusty dance culminated with Sarah’s right foot raised the edge of the shower/tub and her right arm grasping and holding onto the towel rack on the back wall of the shower. Her left arm over my right shoulder and around my neck, her hand and fingers grasping and digging into my neck and left shoulder. My hands were grasping her water slicked waist as my legs straddled Sarah’s left leg. With slow and steady repetition my steely erection plumbed Sarah’s swollen and tender feminine cradle.

When we both stopped kissing in favor of simply breathing, I knew we were in dangerous territory. Sarah was nearing the point of no return for her building climax. I knew that I could put off my own finish a little easier this time as I had already climaxed earlier. I would love to finish at the same time with Sarah but as we were in the shower and I would surely black out, it could be dangerous to let myself go. Instead, I egged her along hoping to give her all I could and then finish myself elsewhere, but not in the shower. To this affect I gripped Sarah’s sides even more urgently with my hands. I nipped at and bit her neck while speeding up my repeated thrusting into her. My hips propelled me into her with shuddering force causing Sarah to grunt with each thrust.

“Oh God! Oh Jim! Oh… Oh… Oh… Godddddddddd! OH! G… OH! Jimmmmmmmm!” Sarah grunted as she finally relaunched into orgasmic bliss. Her right arm wrapped around my head and neck and her right leg wrapped around my left leg. Her whole body clung to me and she shivered and twitched and convulsed around my throbbing manhood still buried in her very core. Her very active molten hot core that was making it extremely difficult for me to so much as breath, let alone think straight.

After a few moments of undisturbed bliss, Sarah pulled her head back and looked up dreamily into my eyes. Her dark ebony eyes glowing with contentment and warmth, squinted slightly as she registered in her mind that I was still hard and inside of her, and that I had not cum this time. She leaned in to softly kiss me and then drew back again to look me in the eyes.

“Why did you stop if you haven’t finished yet Jim?” She asked curiously.

“Shower…” I said by way of answer, but knew I would have to elaborate a bit yet. The slight tilt of Sarah’s head and questioning look in her eyes confirmed that thought.

“It’s not safe for me to climax in the shower… I might lose it and pass out… then there’s my aftershock to consider… just not safe.” I explained and I knew she understood when both eyebrows shot up and her mouth formed that “Oh” just before she smiled an endearingly sheepish grin and then bit her bottom lip.

Sara let her right leg back down to the floor of the tub and unwrapped her arms from around my neck and I reluctantly withdrew my patient little partner from Sarah’s velvety sheath. With one eyebrow riding up slightly she glanced fist to my face and then back down to my bobbing erection and took it in both of her hands gently to pet it and stroke it lovingly. She had me back up under the water to rinse him off before bending at the waist to kiss the head softly as one would a baby.

Letting go of my cock, Sarah stood back up straight and stepped into me, running her hands up across my abdomen and onto my chest as she tilted her head and pressed in for another round of watery kisses. By this time the water was turning colder as the supply of hot water dwindled. With an unspoken consent we turned off the shower and stepped out to dry one another off. Again, it was an act of discovery and…love. And all the while, my erection bobbed patiently between us. Smiling, and dropping her towel, Sarah took me in her small hand and pulled me along back to my bedroom.

Stopping beside my bed, Sarah turned to face me. Her ebony eyes glowing in the soft light of my bedside lamp, looked into mine and I could see the gears turning. She actually winked at me then slid down in front of me to her knees. Taking me in both hands she brought her lips to my crown and first kissed it again softly then her tongue came out and circled the head like it was a lollipop.

Sarah glanced up at me and bit her lip for a moment then looked back at the toy in front of her. Her lips encircled the head and slowly slid down my modest length. Lower and lower…deeper and deeper she took me into her mouth. Now I’m not very big as far as length goes, but I do have a nice girth to my God given male endowment. My modest cock has never been complained about, to my knowledge anyway. That said, I’ve only been with a very few women who could take my full length orally… In this Sarah was not one of those who could either. Still though, she managed to engulf well over half my length before she started to gag and had to back off. She was persistent however. In and out, slowly and wetly with a suction that had my toes curling and my breath becoming ragged.

At this point in my life, I still had not overcome my mental block that prevented me from fully enjoying…to completion…the gift of a woman’s oral attention. Sarah did not know this however, so she was a bit perplexed when I gently reached down and took her by her shoulders to ease her back up to stand before me. She still had one hand on my cock and was gently stroking it even as we leaned in to kiss.

“You’re going to finish, Jim… what do you want me to do? How do you want me?” Sarah informed me in a breathy low voice that brooked no argument at all.

“This is your dance beautiful, I’m letting you lead. How would you like to have me?” I breathed into her ear as I kissed the right side of her neck just under her ear. I felt her whole-body shudder in my hands on her shoulders.

Sarah’s left hand came up between us and pushed gently at my chest to separate us a bit. She looked first at my bed, but then turned and looked at my desk with my computer on it. She smiled in devilish delight, and her eyes taking on a mischievous glint as she pulled me by my cock towards the desk. She looked up through her lashes as her slightly dipped head tilted ever so slightly to one shoulder with a hint of questioning suggestion.

Releasing my cock from her right hand, Sarah slowly turned around to face my desk. She lowered her bare chest down to where her hanging breasts were just touching the surface and placed her forearms along either side of my keyboard and monitor. Spreading her legs just a bit, Sarah arched her back downwards a little bringing her gorgeous shapely ass up as she stood on her tip toes. Looking back over her shoulder at me with that lusty smile she swiveled her hips seductively as if to say “Come and get me.” And so… I did.

My hands rose of their own accord and alit on the creamy white flesh of her shapely bottom… a cheek for each hand. My thumbs were resting in that dusky crevasse right where they diverge to frame her puckered little rosebud and her velvety aroused sex. Sarah’s labia were still swollen and flushed, pushed out and literally dripping with her excitement. I couldn’t resist the temptation… that wanton invitation. I released her cheek from my right hand and reach down with my palm up to run my fingers slowly from her pubic mound, across her engorged clit, causing her to gasp, then moan audibly. My fingers pulled through those meaty, hot and damp lips, my middle finger delving deeper into her ready and waiting opening as my hand neared that end of that sweeping motion.

Sarah again swiveled her hips and wiggled ever so slightly from side to side by relaxing first one leg then straightening it as the other leg relax slightly. Oh God that was sexy! With my right hand still wet from my sweep of her weeping offering, I rubbed the head of my cock briefly then slid my hand down to the base. I stepped up to Sarah and guided my ready volunteer into her from behind. At this point, both of us were beyond the hesitancy of foreplay and restraint. I did not ease into her heaven’s gate slowly as I had previously. I didn’t just ram it in harshly or course, but with one steady push I bottomed out… at least as far as I could reach with what I had to offer anyway. Sarah let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a grunt.

Again, she looked back over her shoulder at me. Her mouth slightly agape and her eyes furrowed in concentration. She arched her back even more rotating her sex even more to take me just a little deeper still. Then she took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them back up, she nodded slowly once and spoke.

“Okay Jim… Do it. Don’t worry about me, this is yours. Go as fast and as hard as you need to. I want to feel you inside of me when you finish. FUCK ME!” Sarah nearly snarled with that last two words.

I was slightly taken aback as it was so out of character for her… but strangely too… it excited me. It triggered my inner caveman and he happily obliged her command. Taking a firm grip on Sarah’s elevated hips, I pulled back almost all the way out of her, her labia stretching out with my cock clasping at it as if reluctant to let it go. I pushed back in, steadily, but not too slow. I repeated this motion getting faster and more insistent with each stroke. My hands gripping and pulling myself as much as my hips were driving myself. In a very short time, I was pounding away as our bodies were slapping together wetly.

The familiar feel of churning and boiling in my balls let me know that I was very close to reaching that finish line. This race, even as a solo racer, was nearly done. Part of my brain still let me know that I should be doing something for Sarah as well but old Cavey was still in charge. I needn’t have worried though. I guess the thrill of giving herself so objectively, so wantonly as well as my animalistic pounding had brought Sarah right along with me. Her head was down on my keyboard and she was moaning and gasping as she was as short of breath as I was. Suddenly I had the urge to see her face, so I reached out with my right hand and grabbed a handful of her damp dark ebony hair and pulled her head up. That was it. Sarah screamed.

“YES! OHHHHHH GODDDDDDDD YESSSSSSSS!”

Her eyes were wide open and wild! Her hands and arms were straining to grab and pull my desktop towards her. Her ass rammed backwards into me even as I locked up and began to fire off my creamy delivery deep inside of her. The inner walls worked their magic as they clasped and squeezed at me. I began to get light headed and the tunnel vision began to close in from the edges of my sight. I released Sarah’s hair and slid my hand down along her spine as she continued to grind on me, rocking her hips and swiveling her ass on my now spent cock.

“Oh my God Sarah… That was… Oh… I… I gotta sit down…” I sputtered breathlessly even as I gently pushed off of her ass cheeks and stumbled backwards two or three steps before sitting heavily on the edge of my bed. Still looking at Sarah’s sexy ass bent over my desk… our combined fluids beginning to drip out of her gaping lips. That was my last vision before everything went dim… then dark.

I was disoriented momentarily when I regained my senses. I was lying on my back looking at my ceiling and my legs were dangling over the edge of my bed. I could feel my deflated or still deflating erection rolling down to my right thigh to hang half engorged but limp atop or next to my nuts. My breathing was still ragged and my heart was still racing. SARAH? I lifted myself up on my elbows and looked down my torso after I had turned my head to either side and not seen her on the bed with me. I saw her sprawled in my office chair that was turned to face the bed.

Sarah’s ass was perched on the very edge of the seat cushion, her legs spread wide haphazardly. Her torso was reclined and her head was laying back against the backrest, her hair a messy cloud around her face and sticking to the leather of the chair. Sarah’s arms were draped on the armrests, her hands hanging limply as they dangled in the air on either side of the chair. Sarah, too, was still breathless and panting. She had a silly if slightly amused grin on her face as she noticed me looking at her.

“Never… ever… in my life… have I… done something like… that. FFFFFUCK!” Sarah gasped out between ragged breaths. Her breasts rising and falling rolling with each stuttering breath.

“I can’t say… that I’ve… done any…thing… quite the same… either.” I agreed just as breathlessly.

I was about to ask Sarah if she were alright but before I could speak again, my freaking aftershock took me right back out of it again. I groaned and collapsed back down on the bed just before it hit me full blast. I’m not sure what it looked like from Sarah’s perspective, sprawled in my chair as she was, but don’t guess it made much difference where she was located. At least she wasn’t likely to be struck by a flailing arm or leg as I went through my epileptic like seizure and convulsions. I have been told, in the past, when I have been fortunate enough to have multiple rounds of sex in one day that the second and any following aftershocks aren’t quite as dramatic as the first one always is. Maybe my body is just too spent by that point. Who knows?

Coming around this time was far more enjoyable. I guess at some point, Sarah had stood up from my chair and crossed over to the bed to join me. I became aware of my face being stroked on one side and the other was pushed up against some very soft and warm flesh. I could hear a heartbeat and it wasn’t my own. Sarah had laid down across my bed near my shoulders. She had raised my head and cradled it to her breast… the left side of my face resting against her left breast, her right breast was literally sitting on top of my head and resting on my right ear. She stroked the right side of my face gently with the fingers of her right hand. Her own head was resting propped in the palm of her left hand with her elbow on the mattress beneath us.

“Well… this is a first! I don’t think I’ve ever woke up so nicely as this from my aftershock.” I mumbled and kissed Sarah’s left breast softly. Sarah giggled and slapped the right side of my face playfully.

“Oh stop…” She said, then leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I rolled my head around to look up into her face. Her smile was so warm and sweet… and yet sad at the same time. No matter how good we felt in each other’s arms we were both still tinged with guilt I realized yet again.

“Sarah? I… I wish we had met in a different time… under different circumstances.” I spoke softly as she continued to stroke the side of my face softly with her right hand.

“I’ve thought that myself more than once over the last week or so. But you know, it would never have happened any other way. That’s just how fate works. It’s like we were meant to meet this way. I don’t think we are meant to be together forever.” She spoke so softly it was almost a whisper as she broke eye contact and closed her eyes.

“Well, I’ve had fate screw me over enough in my life already. Why does it have to happen again? As much as I love you and enjoy our time together, I know it’s wrong and it has to end… and that’s what I’m afraid of the most. Not that it ends but that you get hurt in the process. Not only did fate or whatever the hell is calling the shots mess with my life again, but it’s screwing with yours too. Maybe I’m jinxed somehow… I shouldn’t get involved with anyone else…” I mumbled bitterly, feeling my gut tighten with the angst that was building in my soul.

I felt a warm drop on my face and I opened my eyes to see that Sarah’s eyes were shedding tears. They welled up from her closed eyelids and ran down her cheeks to drip onto my face. Her bottom lip was trembling again and I felt like a heel… again. I sat up and turned to face Sarah as she flopped over on her back and covered her eyes with her left forearm. It was killing me that she was hurting so much, it just wasn’t right. I laid down beside her and took her into my arms to hold her tight. Sarah wrapped her arms around me and buried her face in my neck and shoulder.

We lay there, cross ways on my bed for a while. Sarah’s quiet sobs finally calmed to an occasional sniff. All the while I held her and stroked the hair on the back of her head, willing her as much comfort as I could give. Eventually Sarah calmed down to the point that she could speak again, and speak she did.

“Jim… You know I love you and I always will. You have given me so much… I wish I could be the one to make you happy, but I know that I can’t. Please… Please promise me you will let someone into your heart. Someone that will make you happy… as happy as you have made me. Promise me that.” Sarah pleaded softly into my ear. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to think of something to say.

“Will you promise to not try to fix me up with anyone else?” I quipped facetiously. Sarah half barked a little laugh and bit my neck lightly.

“I already promised you that…” She said contritely and then sighed. “Oh Jim… This past week or so has been so wonderful. You’ve made me feel… so… so alive! You don’t know how much that means to me. I will never be able to repay you for that. But I will always treasure our time together for the rest of my life… Thank you so very much.” She half sobbed and began kissing my neck again.

I turned to face her and our lips met. The kisses were soft and sensual… there was no teasing or tongue play. This was not kissing from heated passion, rather, this was from the heart. It was like breathing fresh air, but it was both full of joy and sadness at the same time. Joy in the sharing of so many emotions and love, and the sadness in knowing that this was the end of our unplanned illicit affair. When we withdrew from our kiss, we searched each other’s eyes in silence for a few moments.

“Sarah, are you going to be okay? You know that this could be very awkward going forward, having shared so much.” I said, still studying her dark eyes.

“Yeah… It’s going to be hard, that’s for certain, and it might be awkward sometimes. But damn it, Jim… even if we aren’t together like this, I still want to see you and have you come around like you used to. You will always be my friend. I think I would die if I lost you because of this. No kidding!” Sarah protested vehemently. I tried to break eye contact but she would not have that, she held my gaze waiting for me to say something more to reassure her I would still be there for her as her friend.

“I… I will try Sarah. I promise.” I told her and then smiled weakly and nodded.

With that Sarah smiled that sad sweet smile and buried her head in my shoulder, her face to my neck again. We lay there in each other’s arms again for a while as we quietly dealt with our own thoughts. But as Mother Nature often does, urges from our bodies became urgent enough that we had to address them. I suggested Sarah go first to use the bathroom and reminded her that there was a stash of feminine hygiene products under the sink. In a few minutes Sarah came back through my black out curtain and sat on the edge of the bed. I sat up and scooted over to sit next to her. She took my hand in one of hers and looked at me with a timid almost pleading expression on her saddened face.

“Jim… This is likely going to be the last time we ever spend time together… like this… Would you…” She paused and took a deep breath then looked into my face and asked. “Would you mind if I spent the night here with your tonight?” After she spoke, her head dipped slightly and she chewed her bottom lip.

“I don’t know Sarah… I mean… I was about to ask you if you would be able to stay.” I said with a smile and watched as the confused expression on her face morphed into relief and then smirk as she realized I had started by pulling her leg. Then she took another deep breath and sighed then leaned over and kissed my cheek sweetly and said “Thank you.”

I got up after patting her hand and made my way to the bathroom to empty my bladder. I ran some warm water in the sink and soaked a washcloth to wipe my face off then I wiped off my well used manhood and my nuts. I stood at the sink and looked at my face in the mirror for a moment and contemplated what I saw. I didn’t look like a monster, but I still felt like I was less than honorable somehow. Yeah, the guilt was hitting harder and harder.

When I got back to the bedroom, I asked Sarah if she wanted to get something to eat or go out maybe. She said that she’d rather just stay in and… well… be close. We decided to order a pizza. I slipped on my sweatpants and a tee shirt then went to the kitchen to make the call. Dom’s was around the corner and it wouldn’t be long before they came knocking on my door. I stepped into the bedroom and took Sarah, who was still naked, by the hand and grabbed the comforter off my bed and led her to the sofa in the living room. After she had a seat, I draped the comforter around her. I sat down beside her, after she opened the comforter so that we would both be under it. She cuddled up against me and rested her head on my shoulder again. We flipped through the cable channels not really paying attention to the TV really as we waited on our pizza.

I got up and paid for the pizza when it was delivered. I sat the pizza on the coffee table and got a couple of cans of coke out of the fridge before settling down next to Sarah again. We ate a few slices of the pizza and watched a comedy channel improv episode. Snuggling was far more important though. And kissing. It was sweet and sad at the same time. So many emotions flowing through our touch and our lips.

In time we made our way back to the bedroom once more. We both lay on the bed and in one another’s arms of course. Just holding one another and kissing slowly now and then. We talked about cooking, we talked about our friends, we talked about our pasts… we talked about most anything but the pain that we knew was coming when we had to say goodbye to this intimacy we were sharing for this brief time in our lives. Eventually we both drifted off to sleep.

Morning came in with a roar. The sound of the garbage truck in the parking lot picking up and emptying the dumpsters is an effective alarm clock, if ultimately despised. On the other hand, waking up in a lover’s arms can soften the blow of any form of alarm clock, even a garbage truck. Even as I groaned at the harsh sounds of refuse collection outside, I both felt and heard Sarah stir in my arms. We were spooned, Sarah with her backside to my front, her arms clutching my right arm between her breasts. The soft scent of her hair filling my nose as I nuzzled the back of her neck gently.

“Mmmmmm…” She purred and gave a little wiggle as if to snuggle even a little closer.

“Good morning.” I whispered softly into her hair.

“I wish it wasn’t morning yet…” Sarah sighed softly in return.

“Me too.” I agreed.

“You work tonight don’t you, Jim?” Sarah asked more of a statement than a question really.

“Yes… do you… work today?” I confirmed then queried in turn.

“No. I’m off today. But I should go home… You’re going to be turned upside down having slept last night, won’t you? Can you sleep any today?” Sarah asked in a slightly worried sounding voice.

“I’ll be alright. I can sleep some later and I’ll be fine tonight at work.” I reassured her but I sounded as distracted as I felt.

“Jim? I know… this is going to be hard, but I’m not going to cry.” Sarah lamented softly with a slight catch in her throat. “You promised me though… that we could still see each other as friends… you will come around still… right?” She asked as her voice quavered slightly.

“I did. I promised, and I keep my promises… it will be hard though.” I said in a steady voice as I squeezed her in my arms and nuzzled the back of her neck again.

“Thank you, Jim… I will always love you, you know.” Sarah whispered then drew my right hand up from between her breasts and kissed it softly.

“Sarah… I know I’ve said it already, but it bears repeating… Thank you… for sharing with me. I will treasure the memories for the rest of my life.” I told her as I kissed the back of her head and neck.

Sarah quivered in my arms as she inhaled sharply and sighed. The sniff I heard belied the fact that she had shed more tears. My heart flipped knowing that she was hurting even though we both knew this time would come. She released my right arm and sat up in the bed. Sarah half turned to look down at me and indeed her eyes were watery and her smile was so sad. She brought the fingers of her left hand to her lips and kissed them then reached over and gently placed them on my own lips.

“Jim, don’t get up. I want to remember this day just like this. Seeing your smile as you lay there in your bed looking up at me liked this. I’ll get dressed, let myself out and go home now. You get what sleep you need for work tonight.” Sarah spoke softly as she smiled bravely. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak at that moment, my sad smile matching hers.

Sarah began picking up and putting on her scattered bits of clothing, from the bedroom, through the kitchen and in the living room. I heard her take a deep breath and sigh once more before opening my door and letting herself out. I heard the door knob jiggle as she tested to see if the door was locked behind her… then faint foot falls tread down the stairs to the entry door of my building. I lay on my back in bed with my right forearm over my eyes that were burning like two fiery coals. My emotions were so jumbled and torn. Yeah… this was going to be hard, mostly because of my conscience… my guilty conscience.

Eventually I got up and answered the persistent call of Mother Nature. Bladder emptied, hands and face washed and dried, I wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge. Staring blankly at the contents I realized that I wasn’t hungry enough to actually cook anything so I just grabbed a can of coke and closed the door. I moved into my living room and sat on the sofa, the comforter from my bed still draped on the back from last night. I sat down and saw the pizza box from last night as well. I grabbed a slice of the cold pie and sat back to stare at the TV as the Headline News played its vital information and coverage of all things important enough to be broadcast. Not that I was paying much attention to the offerings.

Maybe it was the mind-numbing repetitiveness of the cable news, maybe it was my overworked brain… or perhaps just my normal body clock asserting itself, but I got sleepy. Noting that it was going on ten in the morning, I got up and went back to my bedroom and set my alarm to wake me later so that I could ready for work. Then I turned off my light and rolled over to sleep… if only my mind would turn off as easily as the light. I did drift off eventually.

I had my lunch packed for work that night, I was just tying the laces on my work boots when my phone in the kitchen rang. I walked through my living room to the kitchen and picked it up off the hook.

“Hello.” I spoke as I reached for my lunch to put in a bag to carry to work.

“Hi there…” Came the sultry purring voice of my too long absent lover and friend Barbra.

“Hi Beautiful.” I greeted her happily as I turned and leaned back against the kitchen counter and crossed my feet.

“I know you’re on your way out to work but I wanted to at least let you know I am home.” Barb said, every word dripping with both longing and promise.

“And me going off to press my nose to the grindstone…” I sighed with a sad smile on my face. “God, I’ve missed you babe.” I said wistfully.

“Not as much as I’ve missed you, besides, I’m sure you’ve been keeping company with someone…” Barb teased.

“Yeah… well that’s complicated…” I said in a more subdued voice and Barb picked up on it right away.

“I know you don’t have time to talk now, but soon, Jim. You’ll have to tell me all about it, maybe something will come to mind to… ease your mind.” Barb said somberly.

“I can only hope, right now I’m still beating my head against the wall. UGH!” I lamented pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger as if to stave off a headache.

“Patience lover… it’ll work out. Now go, before you’re late for work Send me email or a message on Night Friends tomorrow morning. I’ll be at work but I will get it when I get home. Maybe we can do… dinner… on one of your next nights off…” Barb left the suggestion hanging as she always did, knowing full well that I would jump at the chance to spend time with her.

“Okay babe. Barb?” I queried.

“Yes?” She asked in response.

“I’m glad you’re home… and… I love you babe.” I said with a smile. I swear I could hear a small gasp on the other end of the line and at least in my mind’s eye, I could see Barb smiling that almost bashful flattered smile of hers.

“I love you too, Jim. Now go… before you’re late.” She said shooing me off the phone.

For the first time in almost two weeks, I left my apartment to go to work with a smile on my face. Oh, I still had troubles in my mind and my heart, but at least a small part of my world was right again. The love and kindness of a friend can put a whole new light on your troubles. Perhaps there’s a lesson in that for me as well… how does that apply to my situation with Sarah? Something to think about. Well, I’ve got twelve long hours tonight and two more nights after that to ponder and consider and think. Maybe something will make sense by my next days off.

As Barbra had suggested, I left her a message on Night Friends the next morning, and we corresponded that way for the next two days as well. Barbra worked during the day when I was sleeping and I at night when she was sleeping. It’s not a new situation, just one that we’ve managed to work around for a couple of years or more now. The morning I got home from my last night of work I had yet another message waiting for me from Barb. She asked that I call her that evening when I got back up from sleeping. She didn’t imply a meeting or anything but then we’ve long been passed making “dates” as it were. I told her would in a responding message in the off chance that she would check her messages when she got home from work. Then I made ready for bed. I was tired… and all the thinking and worrying and fretting over my situation with Sarah had still not been resolved.

There was no game plan really, going forward from three days ago when Sarah had left my apartment after spending the night with me… supposedly for the last time. It still befuddled my brain how something so good so seemingly right could be at the same time so very very wrong! I had promised to try to maintain our close friendship as it was before our… our tryst… but could I do that with the guilt my conscience was laboring me with? Only time would tell.

At some point, late that morning I was awakened by the rat tat tatting of the door knocker on my apartment door. Yeah, it roused me from a dead sleep… eventually anyway, I couldn’t be sure how many times the knocker was used before I actually woke up though. I stumbled through the blackout curtain and through my kitchen to the door. Squinting my eyes to be able to see, I looked through the peep hole and saw… It was Sarah, and she looked upset. This could not be good. I sighed heavily steeling myself even as she reached to rattle the knocker yet again. I opened the door just as she started to rap again.

“Hi Sarah.” I mumbled halfway intelligibly with sleepy squinted eyes… belying the pounding of my heart and the tingle of the hairs on the back of my neck standing up and dancing.

“Oh Jim! I’m so sorry to bother you! I know you worked last night and were sleeping… but…” Sarah began in a rush almost as if frantic. But there was something else there too, sadness and it was different from the last time she and I saw each other a few days ago. Almost as if by premonition, my stomach churned and I reached out to take her hand and pull her inside the apartment.

“Hey… what’s wrong babe?” I asked, suddenly fully awake and my senses in overdrive.

“Dave called this morning… His mom… his mom died in her sleep this morning.” Sarah said and looked up at me with her bottom lip trembling and her dark ebony eyes watery and threatening to spill tears any moment.

“Oh no! How is Dave?” I blurted out the question… and kicked myself mentally for such a stupid question. “He’s got to be devastated, I’m sure.” I mumbled sadly still studying Sarah’s saddened face. She nodded and sniffed audibly trying to rein in the tears before they began to flow.

“He asked me to fly up there to be with him. I’m all packed and headed to the airport to catch the flight. Jim? Could you take care of our cats while we are away? Just feed and water them.” She asked in a meek voice.

“Of course, I will, and clean the litter box too I’m sure… Don’t worry about it.” I reassured her. She smiled sadly and reached out with her left hand to place a key in my hand that was holding her right hand.

“Here’s the key to the front door. I didn’t tell anyone else except my boss that I’d be gone for a while. I’m not sure how long but maybe up to a week or so. I can call you when I know more.” Sarah promised.

“Don’t worry about it Sarah, just be there for Dave… I know this is going to be hard for him.” I told her. She nodded then locked her eyes on mine… and we both knew there was a whole different meaning to those very words I’d just spoken other than simply consoling Dave for the loss of his mother. A meaning that we were not going to discuss but that weighed heavily on both our hearts and consciences. Sarah quaked ever so slightly as she took a sudden deep breath and returned to her mission.

“Thank you, Jim. I’d better be going now, I have a plane to catch… She said as she tore her gaze away from mine and turned to the door as I opened it for her. Stepping out she turned again and looked me in the eyes.

“Really… for everything, Jim… Thank you…” She said as her eyes teared up once more and she turned suddenly and made her way down the flight of stairs to the front door landing of the building and let herself out.

My heart was still racing as I closed my apartment door and locked it. Turning to go back to my bedroom I set the key to Dave and Sarah’s duplex on my dining room table… the same spot where I sat Sarah a few days ago as we… Shaking my head to clear those thoughts I went on through the kitchen and across the hall into my bedroom. I flopped onto my bed with my face buried in my pillow. I could only hope that Sarah would not disclose our folly to Dave at this time. He had far too much emotional turmoil to deal with already. I’m sure she was aware of that though. Sarah is a smart girl, and she does love Dave. Sleep eventually reclaimed me.

Something nudged me there in the warm deep depths of my dark womb like slumber. It was an irritating sound that grated on my nerves… not so much in its intensity but in its persistence. What was that sound. It was familiar yet so alien here in the deep dark depths. Persistent indeed… there it goes again… Rat tat tat tat. Rat tat tat tat. Damn it! My consciousness rose nearer and nearer the surface…Rat tat tat tat… Suddenly my eyes were wide open and I was rising from my bed. Someone was knocking at my door. I stumbled through the blackout curtain and through my kitchen and dining room to my door. “Didn’t I just do this a little while ago?” my mind was asking as I peered through the peep hole in my door. With a suddenly warm feeling in my heart and lightness in my soul I unlocked and opened my door with a smile on my sleepy face.

“Hi there.” Purred Barbra with fire in her eyes and a killer smile on her face.

Not even waiting to be invited in she pressed forward and into me slipping her hands around my sweat pant covered hips pulling herself tight to me even as our lips met. The lavender and vanilla scent of her familiar perfume wafted through my sinuses and across my brain as the lightning and fireworks lit up my nerve endings from head to toe. Oh God! Those lips… Barb pulled back after a moment, still smiling that wanton sexy way she does and giggled at me.

“Maybe you should close the door Jim…” She purred and giggled again before taking a deep breath that I felt all the way through me as it was transmitted through the swelling of her chest and the pressing of her breasts into my own body.

“God, I’ve missed you…” she sighed as she leaned her head ever so slightly to one side again and let her lips caress my own again.

I don’t remember closing the door or locking it or anything else so mundane… only the feel of her lips on mine… the feel of her body pressed to me… the warmth of her arms around me and the desperate way she tried to undress me as we stumbled or I stumbled backwards through my apartment towards my recently vacated bed.

This was not to be a love making session between two people madly in love with one another, but rather a fast and hungry catching up of pleasures of the flesh by two people who’ve missed one another for too long. Barb wanted or rather needed an itch scratched and she knew just how to get it taken care of… me. No foreplay needed or sought after in this instance, once she had me naked and on my back, she climbed atop of me and impaled herself with a long exasperated sounding sigh. Barb’s gorgeous nails dug into the skin of my chest as she settled on… over me… her head tilted back and face pointed to the ceiling as she moaned and began to grind her hips in those so familiar gyrations.

Before long, she was rising and falling in that ancient rhythm as she scratched that desperate itch. Her eyes locked on mine as she watched my every move and thought that played out on my face as she raced ever closer to her growing climax… her mouth now agape as her breathing came in ragged gasps. Those deep brown eyes… the intensity… the need… the fire… she began to emit that low keening growl that I was all too familiar with. I knew she was almost there as I too neared my own finish, this was a shared experience between the two of us. One that we’ve managed to complete together so many times before. My hips rose now more urgently, meeting her every fall, my hands gripping none too gently at her waist just atop her hips. Bodies slapping and rippling and sweating with effort.

“Yes…. Yes… Yes… Oh… God… Yes… Oh… Jim! Oh… Yessssssssss!” Barb cried out in her ragged gasping voice as she began to shake and quiver in the throes of her climax.

“Oh GOD! BARB…” I managed to exalt before all voluntary movement or control of my mind was given over to biology and my own climax. The tunnel vision spinning down my view to just a small vignette of Barb’s sexy snarling grimace before I blacked out completely.

“Welcome back…” Barb purred in my ear as I felt her fingers caressing my other ear with her hand. Her breasts were pressed into my right side and chest, her right leg draped over my thighs just below my crotch. Her breath was still a bit ragged and fast so I knew I hadn’t been out too long this time.

“I… should be… welcoming… you… back…” I panted in return, a big goofy grin on my face.

“Oh, but you did, Jim… you definitely did!” Barb sighed and kissed my right cheek and nuzzled into my neck.

“I’m sorry I woke you, well… sort of… I just couldn’t wait any longer. As soon as I got off work today, I just drove over here to see you.” Barb confessed in the near whispering little girl voice she used whenever she felt a little guilty about anything she’d said or done.

Barbra’s statement made me tense a bit I guess but before I could elaborate or even think more about it, I was swept up by my body’s freaky curse. My aftershock took me full force before I could even utter a word. Fortunately, Barb was quite familiar with this odd thing my body does by this point, she could predict it as well as I could most times. Subtle things like my body tensing minutes after I had climaxed were obvious harbingers. I spasmed and twitched and convulsed in the throes of my aftershock as I always do. And finally, when it had passed, and I had recovered my senses, she was there waiting for me, patiently, lovingly. More nuzzling of my neck and kisses to my cheek let me know she was aware that I had returned.

“Whew… Wow! Somebody had it bad!” I chuckled as my breathing returned to normal. Barb pinched me in my side making me jump.

“Well, some of us had to go without for a couple of weeks… unlike someone I know.” Barb growled playfully in my ear. This time I tensed and Barb knew it wasn’t from my aftershock.

“What? Problems Jim?” She asked in a concerned voice and nuzzled my neck while stroking the other side of my face with her delicate fingers.

“I saw her again, today… this morning.” I informed Barb. I could feel Barb pause, not quite tense but pause as if taking stock and considering her next words.

“Oh?” she prompted me verbally to go on and elaborate.

“She stopped by to ask me to check on and take care of their cats. She gave me the key to their duplex when I said I would. Sarah was flying out to Jersey to be with Dave. His mother passed away this morning. They might be a week or more settling the estate with his sisters before they both fly back here. It was all I could do to keep my hands to myself this morning Barb. And even doing that I hated myself for it. I know it’s not right. I know it’s… wrong… but damn it! It hurts in ways I had long forgotten or buried away deep in my memory…” I lamented and fell silent.

“Poor Dave.” Barb said softly before pausing a moment and continuing. “What about Sarah? How is she dealing with this?” She asked me.

“I wish I knew for certain one way or another Barb, honestly I do. But I have no clue really. We both agreed that this… this thing… couldn’t continue. It wasn’t right and it wasn’t fair to Dave. She really does love him but now… Fuck! Now I’ve got her head all screwed up and she has feelings for me…” I groaned, taking a deep frustrated breath.

“Jim… Stop it! Stop this right now! I know you. I know you better than you might even know yourself sometimes and I know you did NOT set out to hurt this girl. You didn’t lie to her, you didn’t trick her in anyway. What did you do?” She spat out the words ending with the question that I sputtered and began to try to answer, only for Barb to cut me off and continue.

“Nuh uh uh… that was rhetorical… I’ll tell you what you did… hell… I suggested it. You gave her your time, you gave her your attention. You made her feel like someone cared and someone saw her as a person, as a woman. You made her feel special and loved. If you had never kissed her, she would have loved you just as deeply. But oh ho ho Noooo… Not my Jim… You just can’t help yourself sometimes. She probably hugged you… she was probably emotional and maybe crying… and you slipped up and responded as only you would. And that one kiss was all it took. Her dam broke and you swam through the flood waters like a lifeguard saving the day. Tell me. Did you force yourself on her… in any way at all?” Barb all but snapped at me as she sat up beside me on the bed and held her right hand flat on my bare chest awaiting my answer.

“No. I would never force myself on her… or anyone…” I spoke calmly in a guarded voice as I replayed all of Barb’s short rant in my head, word for word. It was all true. But why did it not make me feel any better?

“Barb… I know you care and I know you love me… But still, I fucked up this time.” I said evenly as I looked up into those soft brown eyes of hers as she studied my face.

“Everyone makes mistakes, Jim. Even you… Chalk it up to experience, remember it and move on.” Barb suggested in a softer more understanding voice. Perhaps speaking from personal experience.

“That’s the hard part, isn’t it? Moving on. Especially as Sarah wants to be just like we were… before this happened…” I lamented as I placed my right hand atop of Barb’s as it still rested on my chest.

“Can I ask you a question?” Barb queried.

“Of course… but wh…” I began only for her to start speaking again.

“If I told you, today, that we were finished… no more sex… ever again… Would you… COULD you still be friends with me?” Barb asked with an almost whispery voice and studied my face with the best poker face I’ve ever seen on her. Her expressions were giving away nothing, her eyes were steady and relentless as she gazed into my own eyes.

I swallowed involuntarily, I could feel a cold chill running up the back of my neck and my heart actually skipped a beat or two. Of course, Barbra and I have talked about this before, several times. But before today, it never felt as much like a possibility as it did hypothetical. Today however, it felt very very real. Maybe it was all the turmoil in my mind and heart over Sarah that made that thought take that hypothetical leap to possibility. I took a deep deep breath and let it out slowly before I spoke again.

“You already know the answer to that Barb. You were my friend, first and foremost. What’s more, you always will be my friend until such a time as you tell me you don’t want to be friends anymore. Sure, I would miss the physical… the sex… but you know I love you more than just for your body…” I professed with a steady calm voice even if it cracked a little at the end.

“Oh relax! I’m not suggesting or even considering changing what we have between us. All I was trying to do was to get you to think about Sarah the same way. If you loved her as a friend before this, you can still love her as a friend moving forward. Right?” Barb pushed her hand and rubbed my chest as she unconsciously dipped her head a little as if to prompt me to respond.

“Yeah, I guess I can… I mean…” I sighed heavily. “Of course, I will still love her as a friend. It’s just going to be hard to be around both of them knowing I broke Dave’s trust and had sex with his wife. What kind of friend is that?” I groaned.

“Just have patience, Jim. You said Sarah would tell him when the time was right… trust in her… give her time.” Barb reminded as she lowered herself to lay her arms across my chest and she rested her chin on her forearms.

“How did I get so lucky to have you in my life?” I asked Barb as I looked up into her smiling face and those warm chocolate brown eyes. She winked at me and drew her bottom lip in to bite it softly as she rolled her head a little to one side.

“You know what? I’m hungry. And I am so freaking sick of salads and box lunches… I would kill for a nice thick steak! Why don’t we get up and take a quick shower then you can take me somewhere to eat… preferably somewhere they serve good steaks.” Barb gave me one of those coquettish little eyebrow wiggles and tilted her head to the other side before pushing up to a sitting position framing her gorgeous breasts between her arms.

“I think I can do that… I kind of wish we had a little more time though…” I said as I ran my right hand up from her hand that was on the bed beside me to her elbow.

“Hold that thought lover, I’m not done with you yet today, feed me first then… feed me again… later.” Barb dangled the inuendo as bait that she knew I would go for.

We both rolled out of the bed and made our way to the bathroom. I stepped past Barb as I opened the shower doors and turned the water on. Barb took a seat on the toilet and… dribbled and peed. Stepping back to the Vanity I collected a little bottle of her Massengill and handed it to her. I was rewarded with a knowing smile as she assembled the nozzle and made use of the thing. I was already in the shower when she stepped in and joined me. Her long dark red hair was twisted into a rope and wound into a knot atop of her head. Two oversized bobby pins held it all in place.

After a brief but very passionate kiss, we lathered one another with soap and then rinsed off. There were of course, the obligatory fondling and caresses as lovers are want to do. Kissing as well, never get enough kissing. We did stop though. I turned off the water and Barb stepped out of the shower grabbing a towel off the rack. I stepped out behind her and grabbed another towel. I finished drying and applied a little deodorant before following Barb to the bedroom and started getting dressed. As I was in sweatpants and a tee shirt earlier, I got my clothes out of my dresser. Barb on the other hand, had to pick hers up off the floor from the bedroom to the front door.

With both of us dressed, I grabbed my keys and wallet and opened the door for Barb. She rode with me in my car to a family style steak house. Fortunately, we were a bit early for the usual dinner rush, so service was both fast and very attentive. The food was excellent as well. As we ate, Barb regaled me with anecdotes from her weeks long training that she had to travel for. I learned of her roommate who ended up hooking up with another participant and spent the last two weeks in his room every night, leaving Barb the whole room to herself. She mentioned that it would have been wonderful if I had been there with her.

I couldn’t argue with her thinking on that but we didn’t explore that line of thinking any further, rather, Barb wanted more details on my affair with Sarah. Not so much the sexual antics that we had gotten ourselves into but the things leading up to that point and the conversations afterwards. I recounted the idea that I had after speaking with Barb herself some weeks ago. Barb nodded knowingly at my recalling that she herself had admonished me and suggested that I give of myself to Sarah, my time, my attention… my kindness.

The recounting of showing up where Sarah worked and asking about wine, telling her it was for a date I had that evening, in particular was found to be quite humorous to Barbra. The look in her eyes as she listened to my story was one of warm endearment and adoration… maybe with just a hint of pride. She laughed when I told her of my choice of eateries for Sarah and I that night. Barb herself had spent many an evening at the Ho in her younger years. The choice of movie was begrudgingly approved as that was definitely a chic flick and very suggestive emotionally. The night cap of a Hot Fudge cake at Jerry’s was applauded at first but when I spoke of running into my old friends, and learning that one of them knew Sarah was we both had to wonder at the chances were of that ever happening.

It was when I detailed dropping Sarah off at her car, and following her home to her duplex that Barb sat forward in her seat and paid particularly close attention. I spoke of how I watched Sarah walk to her to her door and let herself in. Then as I was about to drive off, I remembered the wine still in my backseat floorboard. I turned my car off and got out and took the wine to her door. And then how Sarah broke down in tears telling me about the wonderful time she had had that evening and how she didn’t feel like she deserved the attention…the crying the hugging then finally the kiss. Barb sat back with a satisfied look on her face as all the things she had predicted and said had indeed come to pass.

Barb studied me with that one raised eyebrow as if to say “I told you so…” but she didn’t actually say it. That lone eyebrow also asked the question, in my mind anyway, of what are you going to do now smart guy? We had already been over this before though so there was no sense rehashing what we had both said again. Instead, I sagged visibly, bowing my head and sighing resignedly but not in defeat. Straightening back up in my seat I gave Barb a sheepish grin and shrugged my shoulders. My forearms held parallel to the table top palms up in supplication for a moment before coming together in front of me to be clasped as one while I studied them intently for a moment before looking back up into her warm eyes and speaking.

“Okay, so I let Sarah take the lead on this moving forward. We did what we did and there’s no taking it back. It’s over now but like you pointed out, we were friends and we still are friends, she deserves for me to behave accordingly and be the best friend I can. My guilty conscience will be my penance for what I did.” I offered in a humble voice. Barb smiled warmly at me and pursed her lips briefly and blew me a kiss across the table before reaching out and taking my hands in hers. She lowered her head slightly affecting that smoky wanton look she does when she is randy as a rabbit. Her soft brown eyes looking up slightly at me through her lashes and that slightly smirking closed lip half smile.

“I knew you would figure it out Jim, you are just… you… Most guys have to have a picture drawn for them, but your heart just does it naturally. Now… take me back to your place and let’s work on catching up a little more. Maybe you can have some desert?” Barb purred seductively.

I paid our bill and we drove straight back to my apartment. It’s a wonder I didn’t have a wreck on the way though as Barb was facetiously teasing me the entire trip. Her left hand toying with my crotch making me squirm and groan. When I finally closed my door behind us, I took her in my arms and did my best to steal her breath away with a heated and frenzied passionate kiss. She gave as good as she took though and we both ended up breathless in moments.

“Desert?” I asked when we pulled apart to breathe.

“My pleasure!” Barb purred as she took my hand and lead me to my own bedroom.

“Well, I’m glad you like it too, but I thought it was my pleasure.” I admitted even as Barb pulled me along by my hand.

For the next two hours Barb and I enjoyed one another’s company as we always did. The time apart only added to the pleasure of our reunion. Maybe it was the balm I needed to ease my troubled mind, something so familiar and enjoyable… and safe. The sex between Barb and I had always been amazing to say the least but it went far beyond the simple physical pleasures. We were close, closer than lovers really. Confidants and sounding boards, a warm dry shoulder when needed, in short, true friends. I knew Barb would always have my best interests in mind and certainly I had her best interests in mind. I would do anything for her, and I had a feeling that she would do the same for me.

Later in the evening, after our lusts had been at least temporarily sated, we lay talking and simply enjoying one another’s company. We talked about some of our friends, ones that had adopted me into their circle after Barb had introduced me to them. There was word that we might be having a cabin retreat in a few weeks. One of the girl’s parents owned a small vacation home in the woods near a national park. It wasn’t truly a cabin but that’s what it was called all the same. It would be a drunken party pretty much the whole weekend, to one extent or another anyway. Besides sharing a room with Barb, I knew that I was considered a bit of a balancing element to these parties. I didn’t drink enough to get drunk so I was level headed and moderated the outrageousness of some of the others. I didn’t mind, it was always fun to be around that group. Especially with Barb.

As always, there came the time that Barb needed to head home. I of course said she was welcome to spend the night with me. Honestly, though she did want to stay, she still had to go to work the next morning and she had obligations at home, feeding her dogs and what not. I knew that, I even offered to come with her and spend the night at her place, but that was shot down with a laugh. Smiling at me as she finished redressing for the second time today, she sat on the edge of my bed and stroked the side of my face with her right hand.

“Jim, you and I both know that if you came home with me, I would not get a minutes sleep all night.” She said with a bit of a smirk on her face and then leaned over to kiss me.

“You’re probably right. Oh well, I tried…” I said with a smile as I sat up and reached for a pair of sweat pants to wear to the door.

At the door we shared another long embrace and a kiss that was tender and sweet. One of those that spoke of thanks and was full of promise for more to come later. The endearing look in Barb’s soft brown eyes made my heart swell just knowing that we had a very special connection. It was so very close to love that I had known twice in my life, yet different in that while this was not exclusive, it was unconditional. “Maybe this is all I really need…” I thought to myself for the thousandth time, as Barb stepped out of my door and headed down the stairs to the front door of my building. I closed my door and rested my forehead on the door with my eyes closed. Love is a complicated thing.

The next two days were spent just tending to a myriad of trivial things, running errands, laundry, groceries, paying bills, playing on the computer or just watching TV. Oh, and thinking… yeah… lots of thinking. I did stop by Dave and Sarah’s duplex and tend to the kitties of course. I filled their food dispenser and their water, I cleaned the litter box. Wow, two cats can really make a lot of… cleaning. I realized that I would have to stop by on my way home from work the coming cycle, at least every other day anyway. I hadn’t heard anything from Sarah or Dave, but I figured they both had a lot on their minds yet so I wasn’t concerned.

It was five days later before I did hear from them. I had just rolled out of bed in the afternoon after woke up my normal time. My phone rang as I was heading to the bathroom so I stepped back into the kitchen and picked it up.

“Hello” I spoke.

“Jim, did I wake you?” Dave asked in a friendly voice.

“Dave, oh, no man, I was awake already. How are you doing buddy?” I asked as I turned and leaned back against the kitchen counter crossing my feet.

“Well, you know, as well as can be expected, I guess. It’s been a hard couple of weeks, I won’t lie.” Dave responded a little subdued.

“I’m sorry man, it’s got to be hard to deal with all that at once, even if you knew it was coming.” I told him sincerely.

“I appreciate that, Jim. And I appreciate you helping out so much with Sarah and now taking care of the fur babies.” He told me in a lighter voice.

“Speaking of Sarah, how’s she doing Dave? She seemed very upset the day she flew out.” I asked warily.

“Yeah, I think she worried about me far too much. She’s good, she decided to visit some of her family and some friends while she was up here, before we come home.

“Good, it’ll be good for her to touch base with them. She seemed so lonely here, so far away from all of them.” I spoke and then almost regretted it thinking I had said too much.

“So, you noticed that too huh?” Dave asked in a curious tone.

“She told me about your “date” Jim, I can’t thank you enough for that. It was just what she needed.” Dave told me again.

“Honestly, I didn’t think it was all that special Dave. I mean it was just dinner and a movie and then some hot fudge cake on the way home.” I said dismissively as if anyone would have done the same.

“Oh, you can think that if you want, Jim, but in her eyes, it was far more special than that. You showered her with attention and made her feel special. Like I said, I can’t thank you enough for that.

“Well, I’m glad she was happy.” I admitted.

“Listen, Jim, I’ve got a few more documents to get squared away with the lawyer types. And I have to get some repairs to mom’s house scheduled with some local contractors before we can list it for sale, but we should be flying home in a few days. Maybe we can all get together for dinner after we get back. Maybe grill some steaks or some pork chops or something.” Dave told me in a light hearted voice. I couldn’t help but to think that Sarah had not dropped the bomb on him yet. I took a deep mental breath.

“That’d be great, Dave. Sure. As long as Sarah doesn’t try to fix me up with someone.” I replied with a laughing voice. Dave chuckled on his end of the phone as well.

We ended the phone call with promises to catch up when he and Sarah got home. I hung up the phone and dragged both hands over my face and groaned. Yeah, this was going to be hard to deal with for me anyway. Let it go… let it go… I stumbled on to the bathroom to begin my day.

It ended up being a little over a week before Dave and Sarah flew back to Kentucky. I had just got home myself from work when I got a call from Sarah. She was using a payphone at the airport while Dave collected their luggage. It was a brief conversation. She told me that I didn’t have to check on the cats now that they were home. Thanks for that, again. She also told me that she had not spoken with Dave about us yet. She pleaded with me to let her do it, to give her time. I agreed of course. Sarah told me she or Dave would call later in the day. I told her I would look forward to hearing from them. And with that, the call ended. I hung up and shook my head as I headed to my bedroom to undress before I had a shower and got ready for bed.

It was around four that afternoon when I did get that call. It ended up being a short call though as I was on my way out the door to go to work. My third night of three. I told Dave I’d be off the next three days and we could catch up sometime then. Dave said that’d be great, and told me to call when I got up tomorrow. So, with a troubled mind I went off to work that night, knowing that my first test was going to be sooner rather than later. It made for a long night at work.

When I got home the next morning, after a shower and shave, I sent a brief email to Barbra letting her know about Dave and Sarah being home and that I would likely be going to have dinner with them at least one of the next three nights. I of course encouraged her to call me all the same, even though I already knew she would bow out of this situation, or at least step back and let me deal with it on my own. I knew she meant well. With that thought in my head I laid down to sleep.

Later that afternoon, when I got up for the day, I called Dave and Sarah. I was invited over for dinner, in thanks for taking care of their cats while Sarah was with Dave in New Jersey for the funeral of Dave’s mother. I really didn’t need to be thanked for that but I played along all the same. Of course, it was an opportunity to return their key as well. Oh shit, the key! I had to get back out of my car and go back to my apartment to collect the key that I had forgotten to put in my pocket. Yeah, my mind is wandering. Fortunately, it was a short drive to Dave and Sarah’s house.

“Hello!” I sang out at the open front door as I knocked on the screened storm door.

“Hi Honey! Come on in, it’s unlocked.” Sarah called out from the kitchen, the window over the sink being to the right of the duplex’s front door.

I let myself in and was standing in the doorway from the kitchen to the living room as Dave came through the sliding glass door from the deck carrying a platter with what looked like grilled chicken wings. Sarah was standing at the stove with her back to me, stirring something in a sauce pot. Her light blue sun dress looking particularly nice on her frame, the hemline just above the back of her knees. The strappy sandals were a nice touch as she seemed to be swaying to some unheard music, her hips swaying gently and her feet lifting and shifting alternately as she did a bit of a two step.

Dave paused next to Sarah to lean over and kiss the back of her neck at her right shoulder as he carried the chicken wings to the counter. Sarah moaned softly before glancing at him affectionately. Dave smiled at me and winked as he sat the platter on the counter and opened the fridge to pull out a bottle of beer for himself. He eyed me silently asking if I wanted one, and held up a wine cooler that he knew I liked. I nodded and he closed the fridge and stepped over and handed me the bottle.

“No surprises or blind dates tonight, Jim, she’s behaving.” Dave said in a mock conspiratorial whisper… loud enough for Sarah to hear. She looked over her shoulder at us with one eyebrow raised questioningly as if to say “Don’t start.” Dave and I both chuckled and clinked bottles in a toast.

“I told you Jim and I talked about that, he made me promise to not try to fix him up anymore.” Sarah lamented as she turned back to her stove and whatever she was preparing.

“Anything I can do to help?” I asked, feeling kind of useless just standing there watching.

“No, it’s under control, why don’t you just have a seat and get comfy, it won’t be much longer.” Sarah spoke as she reached for another spoon and stirred another pot.

“Okay.” I said as I followed Dave to the living room. He plopped down in his recliner and reached for the cable remote. I sat on one end of the sofa, closest to the kitchen doorway.

Ever the sports fan, Dave pulled up a baseball game and settled in. I thought maybe this would be okay after all, so far everything seemed to be like it was… before… but there was a small nagging little voice in the back of my mind that was telling me not to get too comfortable just yet. Still though, the smells coming from the kitchen were at war with the butterflies in my stomach. I may have mentioned it a time or two before, but Sarah was a phenomenal cook. I already knew there was grilled chicken wings on the menu but little else. I could smell tomatoes and peppers, and the distinct aroma of freshly baked bread just topped it all off. My stomach chose that moment to growl, and very loudly I might add.

“Jim? You okay there, bud?” Dave asked laughingly from his semi reclined spot across the room as he paused just before taking another pull from his beer.

“Oh, my god! Sarah is killing me with whatever it is she’s cooking.” I lamented and raised my own drink in a silent toast across the room.

“I heard my name… you two talking about me behind my back?” Sarah asked from the doorway to the kitchen as she toweled her hands dry.

That’s when my stomach spoke up for the second time in minutes with another loud growl. All I could do was blush and grin sheepishly as I toasted her with my bottle. Sarah smiled, locking eyes with mine for maybe just a moment longer than needed before turning back to the kitchen to finish her preparations. Looking up at Dave, I saw him smile warmly and he winked at me before returning his attention to the game on the TV. Yeah, the war in my stomach redoubled. Taking a deep breath, I then took a long pull from my wine cooler.

It might have been ten or fifteen minutes later before Sarah called to us to come and get it. She had three places set at their kitchen table. The platter of grille chicken wings in the middle. There was a bread bowl on each plate filled or half-filled anyway with white and wild rice and ladled full of a stew of sorts. The stew was roasted tomatoes and mixed peppers with bite sized pieces of asparagus. And Oh my God was it good! The sliced tomatoes and mozzarella cheese plate was just enough counterpoint to make this a meal to remember indeed.

Dave and I both raved about the meal to Sarah who in turn ate up all the attention and smiled so much it looked like it might actually hurt. When all the wings were picked to the bones, when the stew was eaten and the bread bowls picked apart and mostly eaten as well… when we all sat back and groaned from gorging ourselves, we couldn’t help but to smile at one another. I offered to help clean up but I was shushed and ushered into the living room with a fresh wine cooler in hand. Dave actually jumped in and helped Sarah clean up after the meal.

After drinking half my cooler, I still hadn’t seen Dave return to watching his game on TV so I got up and walked to the kitchen doorway. I paused as I stood in the doorway watching him rubbing up against Sarah at the sink, nuzzling her neck and kissing it even as he dried one of the dishes she had just washed and rinsed. Sarah, was in heaven I think as she leaned into the kiss and murmured something sweet in return before giggling. Feeling warmed and relieved I stepped back quietly into the living room and resumed my seat on the sofa, even putting my feet up on the coffee table. I lifted a silent toast to Dave and Sarah and wished them all the happiness they could find.

It wasn’t long after that when Dave strolled back into the living room with a smile on his face. He was literally beaming, as he took his seat in his recliner. Sarah came out of the kitchen a few minutes later carrying a glass of white wine and sat at the other end of the sofa from me.

“I know I said it already, Sarah, but that was a fantastic dinner, thank you both for inviting me over to share.” I said smiling at her.

“Well, we owed you for looking after the cats and… and for looking after my girl while I was away.” Dave said raising his beer in another toast. I smiled but there was another pang to my conscience…

“You have always been one of our best friends, Jim. We just want to make sure you know you are appreciated.” Sarah echoed from my right, smiling but not holding eye contact with me.

The look told me more than her words did. My own words to Barb about this subject played back like a sound track in my mind as I held my tongue. We sat in the living room half watching the ball game, but mostly talking about recent events with Dave’s family. He told me of how the estate was now being gone over by the lawyers and the will had been read so everything was being settled between him and his other siblings. No one wanted the house so it was being put up for sale and the proceeds were to be split amongst the siblings. A lot of what Dave said just seemed to go in one ear and out the other however, I must have put on a game face though as he kept on talking.

Sarah came to the rescue after a while, she broke in during a lull in Dave’s recounting to tell me about her visit home to her own family for a day or so. Mostly it seemed to have been a happy occurrence but I detected some sadness there as well. I didn’t press her for it but it was definitely there. Maybe it was our newer closeness after having been so intimate that I was able to pick up on her despair, I may never know for certain.

Eventually, after a couple more bottles of wine coolers and a lot of talking and reminiscing the night wound down. I had to excuse myself to head home. While I was off the next two nights, Dave and Sarah still had to work. I thanked them both again for the wonderful dinner and the evening together. They of course thanked me again for all that I had done for them over the past month or so. I got a handshake from Dave and was heading out the door when Sarah stopped me.

With no small amount of trepidation, I turned to see her intense dark brown eyes gleaming up into mine. With the porch light above and behind her and Dave standing in the doorway, also behind her, Sarah let her face slip slightly, the friendly smile melted into one that trembled and looked pained if not saddened somewhat. Her eyes shining and wet begged me to understand. They radiated love and… well… love. She laughingly admonished me for trying to sneak off without a hug and she wrapped her arms around me to hug fiercely.

At first, I stood there mute and still as if afraid to return the hug. It was the pinch to my back that spurred me on to wrap my own arms about Sarah and return the hug. Jokingly I made sure to say loud enough that I was thankful that she had not tried to fix me up with someone tonight. The convulsive gasp sounded surprisingly a lot like a muted laugh. Sarah leaned back in my arms and looked up at me shaking her head in resignation.

“You made me promise not to, so I’m just keeping my word.” Sarah spoke with a choking laughter then leaned in for another hug. While her head was by my ear she whispered quietly.

“I will always love you, thank you, Jim. Thank you so much. I’m so happy you are in my life.” Then she pulled back and spoke again with a teasing lilt to her voice.

“I do have your address and your phone number you know, I don’t have to lure you here to fix you up… I could just as easily send the girls to your apartment directly.” She smirked and stuck out her tongue at me and backed up to the doorway and Dave wrapped his arm around her shoulder affectionately.

Feigning mock horror… not too far from the truth really… I looked at Sarah and then to Dave. My eyes wide and my mouth open as if in shock. I held my hands up as if in surrender to ward off the implied threat Sarah had just made. Dave laughed out loud and said good night as I waved and turned to walk to my car smiling.

So, I survived the first reunion after the fire. And yes, fire is probably the appropriate word for the affair that I had had with Sarah. It was not something that either one of us had planned on or even anticipated, it just sort of blew up in our faces. The conditions were right for it, I know now looking back, but then hindsight always is closer to 20/20 than current vision or understanding. I had unwittingly played right into that situation, adding more and more fuel to the fire that would combust between us.

What we shared was short-lived and we both knew it should end, and end it did. Living with the consequences though is the hard part. My guilty conscience was continuing to make me miserable even as I gave into Sarah’s pleas to let her be the one to tell Dave. I felt awful about what I had done if for only two reasons, one that it put Sarah in this position to start with and, two, that I had wronged Dave, my friend. I feared that Dave would be hurt, but feared even more that he would blame Sarah and take it out on her or simply leave her. That would be worse. And so, the guilty conscience.

I didn’t hear from Dave or Sarah for the rest of that week, and all the next week. I hoped it was because they were both just so busy with work and not at odds or dealing with the consequences of the affair between Sarah and I. Barb had been busy with work and family as well. She had traveled to Louisville with her son and his fiancé to visit Barbra’s sister Gail and her husband. Seems everyone was busy doing other things. So, I just kept my head down and tried to distract myself with writing, and playing games on the computer. That and working of course.

It was the morning following my second work night of three that I got a call from Sarah. While I was very glad to hear her voice, I also was very anxious as to what this call might portend. I had just got out of the shower and was toweling myself dry when the phone in the kitchen rang. I made the few strides to the doorway and reached for the phone and answered.

“Hello?” I spoke into the hand piece.

“Jim? Did I wake you up?” Sarah asked a little hesitantly. The very sound of her voice made me think that she was not just speaking to me.

“Hi Sarah. No, I just got out of the shower, I’ve not gone to bed yet. What’s up?” I asked… I wanted to ask so much more but I held my tongue.

“If I’ve got your schedule right, you work again tonight, right?” Sarah asked… again leaving something unspoken.

“Yeah, one more night of drudgery at the plant then I get three off. Sarah? Is everything alright? Your car working okay?” I asked

“Oh! No, the car is fine, hasn’t missed a lick since you took me to Midas a while back. Thanks for that again. What I was calling about was to see if you were going to the get together with Night Friends tomorrow night. They’re meeting at the Italian restaurant down the street from the pharmacy I work at.” She informed me with a stilted conversational voice… still leading me to think there was something else she was trying to tell me.

“Oh crap! I had forgotten all about it actually. Good thing it’s tomorrow night, that way I can attend. Yeah, I’ll be there. Are you and Dave going?” I inquired at the end.

“Dave said he does want to go, but he says the food probably won’t be as good as what I cook.” Sarah said laughingly.

“Well, I’ll have to agree with Dave on that call. Still though, it’ll be nice to see everyone.” I admitted.

“Dave wanted to know if you might like to come over either the next day or the day after for a cookout… and he told me to tell you that I was not setting you up for a blind date.” Sarah said with a bit of exasperation in her voice. It was then I knew why she sounded stilted on the phone, she was not alone in the room.

“Sure, we can talk about it tomorrow evening… and Sarah… thanks… for everything.” I said sincerely, knowing that she would understand my meaning as much as my words.

“Okay then, I’ll let you get on to bed. I have to get to work too. Dave is going to drop me off at the pharmacy. We’ll talk to you later or see you tomorrow. Bye Jim.” Sarah told me with a much lighter sounding voice.

I hung up the phone then leaned over and rested my forehead against the kitchen wall. I slowly lifted and tapped my head against the wall several times as if I thought that might drive some sense into my brain. Taking a deep breath, I stood up straight and went into my bedroom and dressed for sleep. I took a few minutes to turn on my computer and log onto Night Friends. I checked my messages and then read the notices and comments about the get together planned for tomorrow evening. I fired off an RSVP. I sent Barbra a message asking her if she were actually going to attend this time. I knew that she probably wouldn’t but I was ever hopeful all the same. All that done, I signed off and shut down my computer then crawled into or rather onto my bed and was asleep in no time.

My last work night of three seemed to stretch on and on and on. It was probably because my mind was racing with so many thoughts and considerations. A guilty conscience certainly didn’t help matters much either. When I finally got home the next morning, I had a pounding head ache. I had a quick shave and shower then fixed myself something to eat. I sat at my computer as I ate and connected to Night Friends. I had a return message from Barbra telling me that she wouldn’t be able to attend the get together this evening but had hoped to see me one of my three days off, so either tomorrow or the next day. She said she would get a hold of me sometime. I had several other messages from various friends saying they would see me tonight.

Time to sleep, if I could. I turned off my computer and crawled into bed. Surprisingly I did sleep and I fell asleep pretty quickly. I dreamt though, so it turned out to be a not very restful sleep. I was stuck in some sort of loop where a scene kept playing out over and over again. I had been confronted by Dave… a very disappointed and angry Dave. Sarah had told him about our brief affair and he had come to question me about it. He cornered me at the Italian restaurant where we had gathered for the Night Friends get together. There was a lot of shouting and finger pointing and red faces. I felt absolutely awful. And then I woke up.

I rolled over and looked up at my ceiling. I didn’t actually see the ceiling of course, my mind was elsewhere. Replaying that dream over and over. Was it foreboding? Part of me was ready to get this off my chest, but part of me was fearful for how it would fall out on Sarah. Part of me was telling myself to suck it up and deal with it. So, I rolled out of bed and tried to busy myself. I bathed and dressed, I sat and watched some cable TV for a while. I got online and logged onto Night Friends for a while. All too soon it was time to head off to join everyone at the restaurant for the get together. Funny though, I didn’t feel much like eating. Maybe a glass or two of wine would help calm my nerves.

It was great seeing so many of my friends in person for a change. It really had been far too long since our last get together. People paired off or congregated in small groups and caught up. Dave and Sarah showed up finally. I saw them before they saw me. Curiously Sarah and Dave were arm in arm and they both seemed relaxed and happy even. Sarah was practically glowing. It made my heart leap with happiness seeing her happy. Dave spotted me after a moment or two and they joined me and a couple of others at a table.

No red faces, no pointing fingers, no angry words… only smiles and… happiness. Even when Sarah locked eyes with me furtively from time to time, there was nothing but happiness… well… mostly happiness in her eyes. Happiness and, maybe some gratitude? Everyone ordered their dinners and the banter and talk flowed freely. All in all, everyone had a great time. By the time everyone started breaking up to go home I was quite relaxed, or at least as much as my guilty conscience would allow anyway.

Dave and Sarah had again invited me over for dinner the next night or the night after that. We settled on the next night. I had to do some laundry and grocery shopping but I would be done by dinner time. I asked if I needed to bring anything and was told that I didn’t need to worry about it… well… besides my appetite anyway. Sarah gave me a big hug as we parted ways. The hug may have lingered just a bit longer than normal but it didn’t raise any questions I suppose. But why was my heart racing when she turned to walk away with Dave? With a heavy sigh I turned myself and headed to my own car.

At home later, I sat at my desk and tried to write on the latest story I was working on. After several false starts I gave that up and went to my living room and turned on the cable TV. Again, my mind wandered and nothing really held my attention. When I woke up around two in the morning sprawled on my sofa, I decided I’d just go on to bed. Again with the dreams. It’s funny how one’s brain can torture yourself.

I awoke to the sound of my phone ringing sometime the next morning. I wasn’t exactly sure what time it was till I stumbled to the kitchen to answer the phone. The little digital clock on my microwave informed me that it was just after nine in the morning.

“Hello?” I queried into the handset.

“Hi there.” Barbra’s voice purred through the phone line.

“Hi babe.” I returned nearly swooning with relief.

“I woke you up, didn’t I?” She asked with a touch of amusement in her dusky voice.

“Yes. Yes, you did, but I will not complain about that, ever!” I said meaning every word of it.

“Well, I just wanted to touch base with you before I got wrapped up in everything today. I was hoping that we could spend some time together tomorrow… if you’re not busy.” Barbra spoke with a bit of hopefulness in her voice.

“Busy today?” I asked smiling as much with my voice as I was with my face.

“Yeah, it’s getting down to the wire with the wedding plans and preparations. My son and his fiancé and everyone else are being whipped into shape by her mother. You know she’s an actual wedding planner, right?” Barbra asked and sighed

“No. I don’t think you ever told me that before. Shouldn’t that make things go a little more smoothly?” I asked.

“Well, it would I guess if they didn’t all have to be to her liking. It’s her way or no way it seems. UGH!” Barb lamented.

“Would you rather be doing the work yourself?” I asked jokingly.

“Bite your tongue!” Barb snapped and then laughed.

“No. I will let the bride’s mom run the show… It just gets a little tedious sometimes. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and I can’t wait to see you again.” Barbra said with a touch of longing in her voice.

“I’ve missed you too…” I returned with my heart beating a little faster in my chest.

“How goes…your… situation with Sarah?” Barbra asked hesitantly.

“No changes so far, I think. I saw them both last night at the get together, they seemed… happy.” I admitted guardedly.

“So, you think she’s not told him yet?” Barbra cut right to the chase with that question.

“I honestly don’t know, Barb. If she has than it is encouraging that they seem so happy. But I have to wonder.” I told her.

“Well, I hope it all works out for the best.” Barbra professed.

“I’m having dinner with them tonight… my gut is still in knots. Barb this stuff is killing me.” I lamented again.

“Give it time Jim, give it time. I know you will do the right thing, whatever that turns out to be.” Barb reassured me.

“I hope so… I really hope so.” I said doubtfully.

“Well, I have to run. I love you, Jim. See you tomorrow lover.” Barbra purred through the phone again before she ended the call.

With a wistful sigh I hung up the phone. Noting the time again I decided that I should sleep a bit more yet so I went back to my bedroom and crawled back into bed. I was asleep again in minutes.

Fast forward a few hours and I was awakened again, this time from the normal if aggravating sounds of every day apartment living. Someone slamming a door upstairs and then heavy footfalls tromping down the stairs to the front door of the building. Traffic in the parking lot outside, a distant wail of a siren… fire truck maybe? Groaning I rolled over and sat up on the edge of my bed. Yeah, it was almost time to get ready to go to Dave and Sarah’s house.

I arrived to find Dave and Sarah’s car not in the driveway. The front door was open so I knew someone was home, but who I wondered. With butterflies in my stomach, I got out of my car and walked to the front door as I had so many times in the past. Why did it feel so different this time? Oh yeah, my guilty conscience… that’s why. I knocked on the storm door and heard Dave shout from the kitchen to come on in.

I walked to the kitchen and saw the sliding glass door to the deck was open. When I looked out the door, I saw Dave lighting the grill. He looked up at me and smiled as he set aside the starter fluid and his lighter. Brushing his hands off, he picked up his bottle of beer and walked back towards the sliding glass door.

“Sarah called a few minutes ago, she’s going to be another hour before she gets home. One of the girls got sick and she’s covering for her. She felt like she owed everyone else for allowing her to be off recently.” Dave informed me then drained the last of his beer from the bottle and dropped it into the garbage can.

“That was nice of her.” I responded, still a little distracted as I battled with the forces in my head and heart.

“You okay Jim? You seem a little off or something.” Dave asked giving me a concerned look. Well, it might have been a benignly concerned look but in my state of mind it looked like a suspicious leer. And the butterflies churned…

Hanging my head, I swallowed a lump in my throat and I felt a spike in my heart as something in me snapped. I took a long deep breath and slowly brought my eyes up to meet Dave’s. I guess he saw something in my face as he turned his face slightly to one side affecting a sidelong glance.

“Let’s go in the dining room and have a drink… something a little stronger than beer or a wine cooler, I think. You drink rum, I know but how about a good Rye Whiskey?” Dave guided me with an open hand through the doorway into the dining room.

I stepped into the dining room and stood behind one of the chairs, my hands resting atop the backrest as Dave grabbed a couple of high ball glasses and splashed some Rye in both. He turned to me and reached across from the other side of the table and handed me a glass. Raising his own glass to clink mine he spoke.

“To whatever troubles you.” He said plainly and then raised his glass to his lips and took a sip. The grimace and his smacking lips and the shake of his head forewarned me that the drink was strong.

“To righting wrongs and making amends.” I spoke softly, barely a whisper really. Raising my own glass, I too took a sip of the Rye and swallowed. It burned all the way down and set my teeth on edge. Oddly it actually felt almost good in comparison to the knots my stomach was in.

“You know you can talk to Sarah and I… about anything… right?” Dave asked as he swirled the remaining spirits in his glass.

“That’s good, Dave, because I have something that’s been eating at me that I need to talk to you about.” I said with a grimace. I pulled out the chair from the table and sat down. I sat my glass on the table and folded my hands in my lap as I gathered my thoughts… or my courage.

“Dave, you’ve been a great friend, both of you really, you and Sarah. But…” I swallowed again, doubting myself again.

“But?” Dave asked, prompting me to go on.

“But I haven’t been as good a friend as you two have been to me.” I began again. Dave’s head cocked slightly to one side and he stood a little straighter as his eyebrows both rose in question.

“You’ve been a wonderful friend to us, Jim. How do you figure you’ve been anything less?” He asked.

“First of all, I want you to know that… that it was all my fault. I am the one to blame…” I stopped, nearly choking on my own words as I tried to gauge Dave’s reaction.

“I don’t understand Jim, what are you to blame for?” Dave asked again with concern, but in my heightened state or guilt it was more like an accusatory question.

“Dave… I mean it when I say I want to take all the blame for what I’ve done. It’s all my fault.” I began again with a little more backbone this time. I looked Dave in the eyes to drive home this declaration.

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about Jim. What’s your fault?” He asked holding his glass now in both hands, seemingly forgotten.

I hung my head for a moment and took a deep breath before looking back up to Dave and continuing.

“While you were away, dealing with your mother and… well… you had asked me to look after Sarah and make sure she was okay. I didn’t have a problem with that, that’s what friends do, right? But I went… I went too far Dave. I did something bad. I broke your trust.” I said solemnly and swallowed.

“How did you… break my trust?” Dave asked, one eyebrow rising questioningly. This was it, the moment of truth. I had to spill my guts and suffer the fallout for my actions.

“I… We…” I hung my head for a moment again steeling myself. “Dave, I made love to your wife. I am so sorry. Please, it was all my fault, really, I guess I confused Sarah. She loves you so much Dave. We both felt absolutely awful about what we had done… knowing that we had hurt you…” I fell to silence and mentally held my breath. My heart was racing as I waited for Dave to react. Waited for him to explode and rage like a wounded animal.

Dave stood there with a poker face as still and cold as any I had ever seen on anyone. His eyes bored into mine as my heart raced and time stepped outside to have a smoke break or something. Eventually, still not sure how long it was, but Dave’s eyebrows rippled slightly. He raised his glass to look into it and then tossed the drink back in one gulp. He turned and picked up the bottle of Rye from the side table and turned back to the table. He pulled out his chair and sat down. He set his glass on the table and poured more whiskey into it then reached over and poured a bit more into my glass as well. He set the bottle down and picked up his glass. Raising it in a toast he looked over at me and smiled.

Wait… what? Smiled?

“Jim… Thank you.” Dave said evenly, then took another drink from his glass.

“Thank you?” I asked confused as all hell. This was not the kind of reaction I had anticipated, not even close!

“Yes. Thank you. Thank you first for telling me. I already knew but it shows your true colors and proves to me yet again how good a man you are, a true friend. Thank you, as well, for doing just what I had asked of you, taking care of my Sarah for me while I was away. I knew she was safe and had someone who cared for her close by if needed… and lastly… Thank you for showing her that she was and is indeed every bit as special as I’ve been telling her for all these years. You really don’t have any idea how much that has done for her. Her self-esteem is through the roof now. Yes. Thank you, my friend… now I have a bit of a confession to make to you.” Dave teased that little admission at the end of his explanation.

“Wha… what?” I asked still struggling to come to grips with what Dave had just said.

“I’ve been steering you two together for almost a year now. I was hoping that something like what happened…would happen. I knew that Sarah’s self-esteem was rock bottom. No amount of praise or words from me could get through to her. I needed her to see that other people, other men see her the same way I do, that she was special and desirable, that she was wanted. I knew you would never hurt her and she would believe you… you could help her. So, I tried to get you two together whenever I could. My mom’s final days and me having to be away were unexpected but maybe it was a gift from on high as far as I’m concerned.” Dave said and shrugged his shoulders and smiled that warm sincere smile again before he took another sip of his drink.

“Unbelievable…” I barely whispered, and took a big gulp of my own drink… again the fiery liquid burned a path to my stomach and took my breath away.

“So, you’re not mad at Sarah?” I asked still trying to wrap my head around what he had just told me.

“Or you…” Dave said with a smile.

“Jim. Sarah is a changed woman because of you. When she came to Jersey to be with me after mom passed, I knew something had happened. She was so attentive and loving, almost like when we had first started dating years ago. She carries herself differently, she is full of self-confidence again. You gave that back to her. And Jim… she told me what had happened. She told me that she had made you promise to let her be the one to tell me. When she did, she told me that it was all her fault and that you were not to blame. That woman truly loves you too my friend. When I told her what I just told you she was just as unbelieving. She wanted to tell you right away because she knew you would be beating yourself up over it. I asked her to wait. I had a hunch that despite your promise to her that you would come clean to me, because you are an honorable man… and a good friend.” Dave sat back in his chair and smiled at me as I digested all that he had said.

“Unbelievable… Dave. I’m still sorry that I broke your trust and let myself get carried away with Sarah. That was just wrong… even if that was what you were hoping for.” I professed in all honesty.

“And I’m sorry that you felt so guilty for so long because of it, Jim. You can stop feeling sorry if you forgive me for what I did, to both of you.” Dave sat up straight and looked me in the eye hopefully.

I looked into his eyes and could not detect any deceit, only honest regret and… thankfulness? I shook my head ruefully and took a long deep breath and slumped back in my own chair as I exhaled a long long sigh. Finally, I nodded my head and smiled if somewhat sheepishly.

“You really are a lucky man, Dave. Sarah is something else… a very lucky man indeed. I can only hope I find someone even near as special as she is.” I told him with that same sheepish grin.

Two things happened about that moment. One, the timer on Dave and Sarah’s stove went off. Dave stood up saying that the baked potatoes were ready. And, two, we both heard Sarah’s car pull into the driveway. Dave merely turned off the oven and then met Sarah at the front door as she came in. I stood in the doorway from the kitchen to the living room and watched as they greeted one another with a big hug and a sweet kiss.

Sarah pulled back from the kiss with a puzzled expression and then noticed me over Dave’s shoulder. She stiffened slightly and stood a little taller as she looked between Dave and myself questioningly. Dave smiled and nodded his head. Sarah looked at me with a worried expression on her face only to have it soften when I smiled at her, closing my eyes blinking slowly in acknowledgement of the unspoken question that I had spoken with Dave and I now knew the whole story. Sarah bit her bottom lip and her eyes glistened wetly. She looked back at Dave and he pitched his head in my direction as if to say go ahead. Sarah dropped everything she had in her arms and stepped the two or three steps to me in the doorway and her arms went around me in a fierce hug.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry Jim…” She whispered in my ear as I embraced her.

“Nothing to be sorry for Sarah. Everything is okay now.” I reassured her softly.

Sarah pulled back to look me in the face, her tears spilling down her cheeks over the dimples caused by her broad smile. We both took a big breath and she separated from me turning back to Dave to gather her purse and a grocery bag that she had dropped.

“So, are we ready to grill the steaks yet?” Sarah asked as she swept into the kitchen and took charge.

That evening was certainly one that I will always remember. Dinner was wonderful as they have always been with Dave and Sarah. Maybe it had partly to do with the removal of that heavy weight of guilt that I had been carrying for weeks. Maybe it was the newfound amazement and yes even some respect for Dave in his secretive and questionable manipulations in order to help the love of his life. Whatever it was I certainly felt better than I had in… well… weeks. I still felt a small amount of guilt for having let myself go in the first place, even now knowing that I and Sarah had been pushed into that.

I slept soundly that night, going to bed far earlier than I normally would for even a night off from work. I was pleasantly awakened by Barbra the next morning. I had given her a key to my apartment some time ago but she rarely if ever used it. She did use it that next morning however. She knew that I would be sleeping and didn’t want to disturb me. She let herself in and disrobed quietly and climbed into bed with me trying not to wake me but failing in that. She spooned into me after giving me a long heart-warming kiss and telling me to go back to sleep. So, I wrapped my arms around her and snuggled into her long dark red hair at her neck and drifted back off to sleep.

I told the whole story to Barbra later that morning, well… after we had exhausted ourselves, temporarily anyway. She was just as amazed and dumbfounded as I had been, still though, she laughed about it in the end. The look on my face as Dave admitted to me what he had done must have been priceless she told me. I told her I was glad that she was amused but that I was still trying to wrap my head around it all.

“Okay, I’m showing my age here a little maybe but trust me, Jim, when I say that the heart has no conscience. Dave saw an opportunity to use you to get something he wanted. You helped him even if you didn’t know it at the time. If you love someone that much, you will do most anything to help them. No conscience indeed.” Barbra professed with a sad smile.

“I know that Barb… I know that all too well, but I’ve never been a pawn before to help someone else.” I admitted in a soft pensive voice.

The rest of that day, long into the evening hours, Barbra and I made up for lost time and worked off pent up frustrations. We both needed something from the other and we both provided that something for each other. While eating dinner at the very same Italian restaurant that the recent Night Friends get together had taken place, Barb opened up about her feelings and emotions regarding her son’s upcoming wedding. She lamented on how life moves so fast and never stops. She was starting to feel old. Of course, I did my best to reassure her that she was not old. Promising to accompany her on a little retreat after the wedding to as she declared it to recapture her sanity, went a long way to making her feel better. A weeks’ vacation with Barbra in a cabin in the woods sounded wonderful to me. Something to look forward to, indeed.

-the end-

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