“Now, your heart recognized me.”
My mind made some more connections. “We spent this whole day talking about Jessica, celebrating her, remembering her, and grieving for her together. Because you shared that load, and I could see and feel more clearly.”
“Anytime, anything, or anywhere you think of her, I will share the load.”
I looked into Rachel’s eyes and could feel how sincere she was. I loved her for it. And I loved her.
“Is that why you fell in love with me so fast? You already knew all about me.”
Rachel caressed my face and lifted my chin until our eyes met. And she said, “I have been in love with you most of my life.”
She embraced me, and I could feel that love that she had lived on for all those years. Suddenly, I found all the wishes and dreams of meeting her again in that kiss. We had been kissing and making out for the last year. But this kiss felt like we had been in love for years.
“This is so overwhelming. I have felt so confused for the past year. Then like an angel, you come back into my life and give me hope and love. What did I do to deserve this kind of love?”
Rachel pulled me off the bed, dragged me to the desk, and set me beside her. She pulled out those crayons and the scribble pad I gave her. She started to draw a picture, and I watched with great anticipation.
She drew a picture like the one from eleven years ago but with a skilled hand of a true artist. I watched how she added more detail than the original one. She added little hearts coming from us and floating around us. With some simple crayons, she made the picture come alive. She captured all the feelings of the moment on that simple page.
She touched my hand, and I looked into her eyes. That magic moment took me back to those years ago when I watched her draw as a girl.
She said, “It was moments like these that made me fall in love with you. While my mother was destroying my crayons and my hope, you were filling me with love and hope.”
I sat there in awe at this moment. “But I just sat there!”
Rachel leaned close to me, just inches from my face, and touched the tip of my nose. She said with a warm smile, “Uncomplicated.”
I led her back to the bed, and we sat there and held each other for a few minutes, and then Rachel laid down and put her head in my lap with a contented look on her face.
Yesterday, I was looking forward to spending a whole day with Rachel. I had no plan or expectations. This day turned out to be way more than I had ever dreamed about. That burden of grieving for Jessica was lessened and shared with Rachel.
The last couple of years, I had wondered about my feelings for Jessica, whether she was destined to become my lover, or was she just my best friend? We had tried to mix romance with our friendship, but it was more sensual and sexual than romantic. Yet, our friendship stayed intact.
But that man who took her away from me. He had challenged Jessica’s feelings for me and had confused me as well. He wanted her to forget me, and she wanted to explore her feelings for me more. Finally, when I decided to go to college, I did exactly what Don had suggested. Jessica must have felt justified in trying romance with me, but we would not give up our friendship.
Somehow, he convinced her that it was best not to talk with me about it. If only I knew what he was doing to her, I could have helped her through it. But that left me still confused and wondering.
During this past year with Rachel, I tried to reconcile my feelings for Jessica and Rachel. Rachel was right there next to me, all the time, but my heart still ached for Jessica. My heart was confused, and my mind was shrouded in a fog.
Then today, that woman whom I love, that warm and caring smile, and the soothing, gentle touch took me by the hand and led me through a field of memories of Jessica. We laughed and cried with Jessica. We played, sang, and danced along with Jessica. She donned her dress. We ate her food. We experience our friendship again. Rachel showed me how much I loved Jessica, my best friend, and showed me how important a best friend really was.
By that same token, I realized how important Rachel was to me. One of the confusing parts of my attempted romance with Jessica was that my mind would reflect on that little girl in the drawing. She had won my heart, but I did not recognize that I had been in love with Rachel all those years.
But like the rest of my past, she was gone. My mother was gone. Jessica was gone. Now today, I found my love for my best friend. I found Rachel, the love of my life. And I found my mother still watching out for me.
Now, as Rachel laid on my lap, everything was so clear to me. I was not confused anymore. I knew who my best friend was and who my lover was. I knew exactly what I had to do.
I lifted Rachel from my lap. I took her left hand and slipped that toy ring on her finger. “Rachel, will you marry me?”
That look of surprise, joy, and love on her face was worth waiting all those years. She hugged me and whispered in my ear, “Yes, Jake. It is about time.”
———————————————————-
As we prepared for bed, that emotional high we were on still lingered in the air.
We snuggled close together on the bed and basked in our newly rekindled love. My thoughts drifted to Jessica and how she had wanted me to find a college girl to fall in love with. While deep in my thoughts, Rachel began rubbing my chest. I turned my head to look at her, and she was looking at me with expectant eyes.
After I didn’t say anything, she rolled her eyes, flopped onto her back, and looked up with a sigh. Somehow Rachel could read me, but I was still learning to read her. But in this case, I seemed to have misread her.
“What is it?” I asked.
She turned to look at me like she was waiting for something. “Out with it,” she said.
“Out with what? I was just lying here. Thinking about Jessica,” I said. Then it dawned on me, “You want me to share my thoughts?”
She nodded as her eyes tried to bore a hole in my head.
“How do you do that? How do you know I am thinking about her? Can you guess what I was thinking about?” I challenged her.
“Something about you and Jessica in bed?”
“Nope,” I said, satisfied that she didn’t know everything.
She turned toward me again and said with a naughty grin, “No, but you want to tell me about you and Jessica in bed.” She traced a line down along my chest.
“Now that we are engaged, you want to get naughty, is that it?”
She rubbed my chest and had this cute and coy look on her face.
“I have to be honest then. I don’t want to go back to Jessica in bed. I don’t want that to be part of my friendship with her anymore. You helped me discover my true feelings for her, and they do not include sex.”
She looked a little disappointed and maybe a little guilty for trying to bring Jessica into our bed.
I said, “I was thinking about how Jessica wanted me to find a girl at college and marry her. She would love this moment right now. I want to tell her so much about this moment.”
Now, I was bringing up the sad part of the day again and spoiling the mood. Rachel snuggled next to me, and we lay there in silence.