From there, it all erupted into a slurry of words, as everything Helena had bottled up came flooding out. Strange, though, that she was smiling while she spoke, even when she described some of the most terrible moments of her situation. There were times when she began to cry while telling the story, but still, she smiled and even laughed.
“Please, Father, I need your advice. I hate him. I hate him so much that I can’t even describe it. So why? Why is that the longer he’s around, the easier it is from him to make me smile and laugh? I’ll think back to all the times he raped Sophie and I’ll remember the sound of her screams of pain, I’ll remember all those humiliating trials he put me through, but then in my mind, I’ll see him with that dog in the park. I’ll remember when he protected me from Sister Olivia and helped me with those muggers. I imagine myself back in the pool.
He keeps saying that he’ll win my heart, but I don’t want him to. I don’t want to fall in love with him. I just want to hate him and feel nothing but that. Every day, my will weakens and it becomes harder and harder for me to fight back against him. If I at least knew what I was supposed to do, it would be different. I’m all alone and I have no clue how to beat him. Please, tell me how I can put a stop to this. How I can make everything go back to the way it was before?” At last the room was silent, and after some deep breaths, she smiled, gave a sad sigh, and stood up. “I didn’t think so, but thank you… for listening.”
Feeling like her soul was a fraction of its former weight, she left the hospital and began the walk back to her school. It was a beautiful day, and for that brief reprieve, it felt like nothing could go wrong and everything was as it should be. Then, of course…
“Oof!”
Helena was knocked to the ground as she turned a corner and bumped into someone. Looking up, she muttered a very unchristian swear. Xavier was looking down at her, a quizzical expression on his face. “Huh. You may not believe me, but I actually had no plans to bother you today, so this is quite interesting.”
He offered to help her up but she smacked his hand aside and got to her feet. “Yeah, right. Why else would you bump into me like this?”
“I actually had business in town and was making my way back to the school. I’m guessing you’re doing the same. Let’s walk together.”
“You’re just going to follow me if I go an alternate route, aren’t you?”
“Bingo.”
Helena gave a loud groan and strode past him. “You’re not allowed to hold my hand or do anything like that.”
Xavier chuckled. “Yes dear.”
For the first few minutes, the walking was silent. Helena almost forgot that Xavier was there. Soon enough though, it broke.
“You were visiting Father Hauser, weren’t you?”
Helen straightened her posture and deepened her voice. “Yes, I was.”
“You said before that he was like an actual father to you, what did you mean?” Helena didn’t respond, not wanting him anywhere near her memories or personal secrets. “You know, I reversed his brain damage and I removed a really nasty tumor on his pancreas. You could at least talk to me.”
‘Goddammit, now he’s guilt-tripping me.’
She took a deep breath, working up the courage to speak. “When I came here, to Rosewood University… I hated men. I absolutely despised them and thought I could never trust them. Hell, it wasn’t even men, I was just afraid of everybody. I would attack anyone who came close to me. I was like a wild animal, nothing more than a feral creature in a schoolgirl outfit. Soon after I arrived, I found myself in the corner of the cafeteria. I had taken a knife from the kitchen and was swinging it at the teachers trying to approach. I was high on adrenaline and terror, and thought that they would do something terrible to me if they got me.”
She glanced up at Xavier and saw a peculiar look on his face. He was stoic… almost somber.
“Then Father Hauser came. He was smiling, but I didn’t trust him. A lot of men smiled before doing something cruel. He reached out to me and I stabbed at his hand. The blade went through his palm like the stigmata, but with little more than a wince of pain, he clutched my hand and said, “God will forgive you if you are sorry, but don’t do something that you can’t forgive”. I just fell apart and burst into tears and he held me with his hand still bleeding. From then on, he was like an actual father to me. He taught me to trust people, how to not live in fear and anger, and to accept the love of God. He’s been my oldest friend, as well as my dearest.”
She came to a stop, lost in thought, feeling like her emotions were going to pour out of her like tears. She then turned as Xavier gently interlaced his fingers with hers, raised her hand, and kissed the back of it. It took her a moment to react to the gentle action, but she quickly pulled her hand away with her face flushed. “W-what the hell was that?!”
He gave a small smile. “I just felt like giving you some affection. Tell you what, if you’d like, we can split up here. You can walk back to the school alone.”
She looked away from him, pouting. “We’re already so close to the campus, there is no point. But don’t touch me again.”
“Sorry, just one more time…”
She closed her eyes as his fingers approached her face. Oh God, was he going to stick them in her mouth like he had done the other night? No, he simply brushed back a lock of her hair and tucked it behind her ear, then cupped her cheek. At that moment, Helena had never felt so small. She felt like a tiny bird cradled in his palm, but his hand… it felt so… gentle. After a couple seconds, he released her and continued walking, leaving her with her heart racing.
She took a deep breath and then followed. “By the way, what were you doing here in town?”
He looked at her with an evil grin. “Are you sure you want to know?”
She shuddered. “No, scratch that.”
An hour earlier:
“Welcome to our new home.”
Lily gazed in amazement at the small flat, unable to believe what was going on. Out of nowhere, Xavier had just told her that he had gotten a part-time job and was using his money to get an apartment for them. Her mind had been spinning the whole time as he led her across Rome to this one bed/one bath.
“So we’re really going to be living here?”
He pulled her in close and kissed her on the top of the head. “Like husband and wife.”
“Oh, this is what I’ve always dreamed of having! But what about school?”
“Well I’ll need to keep attending so that I can graduate and get a better job for us. But you don’t need to worry about going back. You didn’t have friends and I doubt the teachers cared. No one there will miss you.”
Her slender shoulders slunk and she clutched his arm, needing him with her. ‘That’s right, nobody cares about me but Xavier. Without him, I’m all alone. I have to do whatever I can to keep our life like this.’
“But as you know, life isn’t fair. There is a catch to all of this. The job I have doesn’t pay enough for us to stay here. It only covered the security deposit. For this to be our home, you need to make money as well.”