All over the world, people suffer just like these women. They are enslaved, raped, and murdered. It has been like that for eternity. Yet you sit in your lofty university, hidden within the extravagance of Rome, believing that this world is God’s paradise. You believe that life is fair, that God will provide for those who are loyal to him, but the bloodshed never ends!”
“Please! Just stop this!”
“You can stop this yourself! You have the chance to break the endless death march of time! Use me! Use my power to make this world into what you want it to be! I am offering you the kingdom! I’m offering you a chance to end the horror once and for all! Whether humanity thrives or suffers, I couldn’t care less, but can you really just ignore everything around you and remain stagnant like this? Maybe I should just destroy this world! Maybe I should create Hell on Earth! How can you claim you’ll stop me if you can’t even stop the evil already around you?!”
“I told you I’ll give in! Please, I’ll do whatever you want! Just let them go!”
“NO!”
Xavier tossed her aside and then clapped his hands together. All the men in the room burst into flames, their flesh peeling off their bones with streams of fire pumping from their veins. All of the woman lost consciousness and vanished, teleporting back to their homes. Only Lily remained, passed out on the bed.
He turned back to Helena. “Enough lying! Enough lying to me and lying to yourself! Why are you so scared of the future? Why are you so unwilling to accept your feelings? The Helena I know and love has eyes full of passion and a will to fight, but look at yourself now. I offer you a life beyond your wildest dreams, a chance at happiness and the ability to protect mankind, and you fall apart into a pathetic wreck! What are you so afraid of?! WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT?!”
“I DON’T KNOW!” Helena screamed as she held herself, sobbing harder than ever in her life. “I don’t know anything anymore! I’m afraid! I don’t know why, but I’m afraid of every day! I’m afraid of the day after! I’m afraid of growing up and my life changing! You’re right, ok? You’re right. I’m terrified of the future. I don’t know why, but I just can’t move forward.”
Xavier stood over her and lifted her chin. She clutched his arm, crying into his hand.
“There is only one way to help you. You’re unable to face the future because you can’t get over your past. You’ll never be able to live until you stop ignoring your wounds and actually let them heal. Come on, I’m taking you home.”
Chapter 12
The suffocating shadow receded but Helena was still submersed in darkness. The floor of the apartment had been replaced with the feel of grass against her knees. In seconds she was drenched from the pouring rain, making her shiver.
“So this is where you came from.”
She looked around, feeling Xavier’s hand gripping her shoulder as he stood over her. At last, her head stopped spinning and she was able to look around. Her heart dropped into her stomach at the sight of the shabby house, two miles from Dublin. She was back in Ireland, staring at the crap-shack that had once been her home. Kneeling in the fields outside, she stared at the lights in the windows, and even over the rain, she could hear her mother’s voice. She had company over. When Helena had been a child, she remembered her mother always having company.
“Please, no, not here.”
“This is where it all started, isn’t it? This is your home. What happened here to make you so angry at the world?”
Helena got to her feet and turned to him, and even in the rain, he could see her tears. “Why are you doing this to me? Why must you be so cruel?”
“For once in my life, I’m not being cruel. I’m trying to help you. With or without me, you’ve been stagnant at that school, and your movement into the future will be long and agonizing unless you come to terms with your past. Tell me what happened here. Let it out. It’s time for you to tell me the truth, and tell yourself the truth.”
She grabbed him by the collar as if trying to lift him off his feet, but instead, simply leaned against him. “Please, just take me back to the school! I’m begging you! Just let the past stay in the past!”
“Not until you move forward! You claim you left your old life behind, but all you did was lock it up in a giant safe that you’ve carried on your back all these years. You shut out your past but you haven’t let it go. Face your fears and stop lying to yourself! The truth will set you free.”
She let go of him and turned around, taking a few steps to the house. It looked like it hadn’t seen any maintenance since she left. She had kept this a secret for so long, but why, of all people, would Xavier be the one to finally hear it? Perhaps he was right, though. This vile place has been holding her back even after she left. She was about to speak, but stopped, startled by Xavier putting his coat over her shoulders. Even when soaked, the fabric held his warmth. She hated that warmth, hated how good it felt.
“My mother… was an alcoholic whore. Just listening to her, I can tell that nothing has changed. She gave birth to me out of wedlock and resented me ever since. She was never there for me, never supported me, and never gave more than the smallest amount of effort to take care of me. There were more liquor bottles in that house than food. I remember pushing them aside in the kitchen, desperately looking for something to eat. I remember them smashing by my head when she threw them at me and I got showered in glass. I used to dream that someday I would meet my father and he would take me away to someplace wonderful, away from this dreary country.”
Xavier looked at her quizzically. “Did she never tell you about your father?”
“She didn’t even know who he was. Considering how busy she was, half the men in Dublin could have been my father.” She looked back at him and gave a bitter laugh, her face wet with both rain and tears. “How fitting would it be if you ended up as my father? What a cliché twist of fate. Seventeen years ago, a scumbag like you screwed my mother and I was born, the granddaughter of Satan.”
“Helena…”
She looked back at the house, hearing a woman moaning inside. “When she wasn’t on her back for money, she was bringing home a new boyfriend every week. Each of them was worse than the last. They would yell at me, they would hit me, and they would throw things at me. Sometimes… they would climb into my bed at night and touch me, just like you. That was how I learned to fight, to keep back the pedophiles looking for a cute little girl to deflower. Why do you think I hated men so much? Every man I had ever met was either a loser or a monster.
Then, one day, I saw missionaries at the local church handing out pamphlets for Rosewood University. It was my chance to escape from Hell and I took it. Tuition is free if you tell them that you’re an orphan. Considering the clothes I was wearing, they didn’t even question me. They took me with them and I got to leave this wretched country behind and bask in the warmth of Rome. I never wanted to come back here. I burned every bridge and severed every link connecting me to this godforsaken house.