Chapter Two- Diandra
My tears mix with the steamy water. I’m in the shower and wondering what’s wrong with Clay. I squirt strawberry scented shower gel into my bath pouf and start to lather up.
I see the way he looks at me and he never does anything about it. Nana says I should just use my feminine wiles and seduce him but I’ve never used my feminine wiles on anyone. I’ve always been shy.
He’s my best friend. I once called him my big brother. I should just fill the bathtub with water and drown myself. Why oh why did I ever call him that?
Oh God, he’s so beautiful. I move the soapy pouf over my body and pretend it’s his hands. He has such strong, amazing hands. He can fix anything. He’s always been so good with his hands. I can only imagine what his hands would feel like on me.
I’m pathetic because I’m so in love with him and I know he would never feel that way about me. I see how other women look at him and who can blame them? He’s so tall and has such a strong physique. He’s such a hard worker and he’s so kind and caring. And those dark brown eyes of his always seem to be undressing me and yet…nothing.
I whisper his name as I slide my hand between my legs. Uncharted territory. No one has ever been there. I want Clay to be my first, my only. I know it’s never going to happen. He looks at me like he wants me but he never does anything about it. I should talk.
I should be thinking about Tom the way I think about Clay but it’s impossible. I like Tom but I love Clay. I love him so much but I know he’ll never be in love with me the way I’m in love with him.
Sometimes I dream about Clay pleasuring me with his mouth, his dark stubble tickling my most sensitive area. I once heard that you can have an orgasm without actually having sex. They say the brain is the body’s biggest sex organ. It must be true because I’ve experienced the most amazing sensations down there just thinking about Clay.
Use your feminine wiles, Nana told me. Maybe it’s time I stopped being so shy and try to light a fire under him, show him what I really have. He’s seen me in my nightgowns and in bathing suits but I have just the thing that might turn him on his heels. I finish showering and then wash my hair. I’ve got to do this fast before my little church mouse comes back out and tells me not to be such a tease. I dry off and towel dry my hair, staring at myself in the mirror. I’m grateful for my naturally tanned skin and fit body.
Not too long ago, I bought a very revealing bikini. It’s basically three small triangles with some strings attached. The green color brings out the natural shade of my eyes. I’ve tried it on and it looks amazing on me but it never seemed practical. I bought it hoping I could one day wear it for Clay and that day had finally come. I was going to put it on and ask his opinion of it. I’m going to use the excuse that I bought it to wear on Tom’s boat.
I put on a long tee shirt and pad into the kitchen. Clay’s by the sink and he’s bleeding. He looks up at me when he hears me and says, “I broke a glass.”
I see his eyes travel down my body just for a moment.
“Are you okay?” I rush to him to see the extent of his injury.
“I’m fine. It just needs a band aid.”
I grab his hand and feel the electricity between us. “Did you wash it out good?”
“Yea. It’s fine, really. Don’t worry.”
I get him a band aid and gently put it over his cut.
Now that I know he’s going to live, I summon my courage and say to him, “I bought a new bathing suit and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. Can I try it on for you so you can give me your honest opinion about it?”
I see a blush run up his cheeks and hear him swallow hard. “Yea, sure.”
He’s trying to sound like it’s no big deal. I go into my bedroom and quickly change. I stare at myself in the mirror and I look freaking amazing. I’m so glad I exercise several times a week. The thin green material barely covers even the essential parts.
I find Clay in his bedroom. “So, what do you think?”
He looks at me and for a moment, the earth stops spinning. His mouth opens and he’s staring at me, not even blinking.
I turn around to give him the full effect. I feel so sexy at the moment. I’ve never felt this way before and knowing he’s looking at me makes me feel amazing and desirable.
“Well?”
He mutters something under his breath that I can’t hear and I’m only guessing what he’s thinking. He sits on his bed, his eyes never leaving me.
I need more of a reaction. I get a lot more than what I bargained for when I make the mistake of telling him, “I bought it to wear on Tom’s boat. Too much?”
Now his expression changes. He stands up and he looks angry. “Too much? You mean not enough, don’t you? Tell me you are not going to wear that when you go out with him.”
“Why not?”
“Have you lost your mind? ” His face is getting red and his voice is getting louder. “That is not sexy. It’s slutty.”
I know I deserve this because I would never wear anything so revealing. Still, it’s hurtful and I tell him.
“Why bother wearing anything? Why don’t you just wear nothing on his boat?”
“Maybe I will!” I storm out of his room and go into mine.
He follows me. “Are you planning on sleeping with him?”
I face him. My hands are on my hips and my chest is heaving. He’s staring at my breasts which are spilling out over the tiny top. I’ve never felt sexier. “That’s none of your business.”
“It is my business. I’m your big brother, remember?”
I can hear the anger and pain in his voice. I should have never said that to him. It’s always going to come back and haunt me.
“And I’m a grown woman. I can do whatever I want with whomever I want.”
“Then do it with me.”
I stare at him not sure I hear what he says. “What did you say?”
“Nothing. Just forget it.” He leaves my room but not before I notice the huge bulge between his legs.
I follow him back into his bedroom. “What’s your problem, Clay?”
“I don’t have a problem. You wanted my opinion and I gave it to you. You look slutty.”
“What if I told you I was wearing this for you and not for Tom?”
He looks hopeful for a moment but then says, “Then I’d say you not only look slutty but you’re a tease too.”
My insides freeze. I go up to him and give him a punch in the gut and then walk out.
I’m shaking as I change into jeans and a tee shirt. I feel like crying but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction. I know he wants me. He gets so jealous and so protective but he never does anything about it. He wants me physically but he’ll never love me the way I love him.
to be continued