“You better give me a yes or no or we’re finished.”
I mean to say no. I really did. But I opened my mouth, and his fist tightened in my hair, and the word popped out before I could stop it. “Yes.” I bit my lip, squinting my eyes shut in humiliation.
He gave me a second to take it back. To change my mind. But I couldn’t take that either, because now that I was halfway there, all I wanted was to feel what it would be like to be so completely overpowered by him that I shattered into a million pieces.
Break me, I wanted to beg. But I swallowed my plea and submitted to him repositioning me.
He unbuckled my wrists and set the belt on the table beside me so I could see what was coming for me. Holding me by the neck and the hair, he pressed his knee into the back of my leg, forcing my knees to buckle. He had me on the ground before I knew what had happened. I caught myself with my hands, and he pushed me down until my forehead was in the ground, my hair splayed out on the ground in front of me. Then he stepped to the side and put his foot on my hair, pinning me there with one foot.
Humiliation washed over me, and I felt… Small. Embarrassed. Stupid.
The belt clinked as he picked it up. “Tell me to stop.”
I bit my lip.
“Last chance, Alice.”
I released the breath I didn’t know I was holding, and felt myself give in to my predicament. This was it. I would take whatever he threw at me, and there was nothing I could do.
The belt sliced through the air and struck me on my ass, sending a terrible burst of pain through my whole body. I cried out, but forced myself to breathe.
“You don’t get to flirt with useless little boys.”
“Fuck you,” I whispered.
“You’re going to apologize, and you are going to refrain in the future.”
Strike. I gasped at the pain, and a burst of laughter, or maybe shock, escaped from me. “Bet.”
Then he struck me again, much harder. The other strikes must have been to gauge my reaction, because this… this was brutal. I hated it. My whole body screamed with pain. He struck me over and over, not giving me a chance to recover, until every inch of me inside and out was trembling.
He laughed at me. “You’re dripping on the floor.”
He was right. I was so wet, and so desperate for release I couldn’t stand it. I felt broken. Helpless. Useless. Completely powerless.
Strike.
Cared for.
Strike.
Important to him.
Strike.
Beautiful.
I sobbed into the ground as I felt myself consciously admit that this was where I wanted to be. I breathed through the pain and the next series of strikes, drinking it in like hot medicine, letting the brightness of the pain explode behind my eyes. Reuben noticed the change in my body language, and struck me a few more times with vigor, and he groaned in pleasure.
It was that sweet moment from him that did me in. The overwhelming, blinding pain combined with the tremor of pleasure at the sound of his enjoyment of me overwhelmed my brain. My anguish and tension, and the brightness that had been building in me evaporated with my release on his final blow. I collapsed on my side, panting and crying and shuddering from the relief of my forced catharsis, my body buzzing and my head melting away into a fuzzy, distant place of complete submission and bliss.
Nothing mattered. I was safe here, floating in relief and free of all other emotions. Quiet. Relaxed.
Empty.
Distantly, I recognized he stepped off my hair and gathered me in his arms, carrying me like I weighed nothing. My eyes fell closed and I felt my body press into his chest.
He carried me until we were back in my room, and he set me on the bed, climbing on beside me and letting me rest my head on his chest, his strong arms settled around me gently. With one hand, he stroked my hair, petting me like a treasured pet.
I could smell the sweat on his skin mixed with his cologne, and it tasted good on the back of my tongue. He was still breathing hard from the effort of beating me. He held me while I cried softly, catching my breath and relishing the quiet serenity of subspace.
After some unmeasurable amount of time, I felt like I’d woken up from a trance. I was back in my body, and although I still felt floaty and relaxed, I felt a little more like myself again.
I lifted my head and looked up at him. He was staring down at me, his dark brown eyes bright with excitement and pleasure.
He had a soft smile on his face. “You alright?”
I nodded.
“Are you going to keep flirting with useless frat boys?”
I shook my head.
“Hm. And why is that, Alice?” His voice was thick with satisfaction.
It would be so easy to give in, to go with it. To try, just one more time. To give him the benefit of the doubt, to trust him. Hell, I could fall for a man like Reuben if I let myself. I was halfway there already.
I could fight this, I thought. I could. I could totally… but I don’t want to. I want to let him win.
Maybe it was me being stupid, maybe it was my Borderline, maybe it was Alex’s suggestion, or the fact that I was still floating. But despite the war inside me and the fear clawing at the edge of my mind, I knew he was right. He wasn’t the kind of person I could avoid.
I never stood a chance.
“Because… I want to belong to you.”
He smirked, and pulled me against his chest.
***
Reuben and I laid there for some time. I fell asleep with my head on his chest and his hands on my back like a weighted blanket, and woke up with a little bit of a headache. He helped me sit up and made me drink some water, which helped a little, and then went downstairs and brought me some apple juice and a sandwich. I lay on my stomach and nibbled on my sandwich while he gently massaged some lotion into my abused ass.
I peeked back to watch him. He was staring at my butt with a satisfied, calm smile on his face while he rubbed the cream in. He looked like a completely different person.
And the welts on my ass? Oh, man. They were gorgeous. I got all fuzzy and happy looking at them, and sighed and laid my head down on the bed, enjoying the feeling of his strong hands on my body.
“Are you alright?”
“Oh, I’m great,” I mumbled into the bedspread, giving him a thumbs up. “Five stars. Ten out of ten would recommend.”
He chuckled. “Are you going to keep being a brat in church?”
“I won’t need to if you keep spanking me like that.”
He gave me a playful, and very gentle pat, and then laid back on my bed, folding his arms behind his head and staring up at the ceiling. I flipped over to watch him, and then scooted up beside him.
“So, what does this mean for us,” I asked quietly.
“I’m sorry, Alice. I lost my mind and jumped into this far too fast, and skipped all the important parts. You’re probably confused as hell right now.” He looked a little guilty, and the serene look on his face started to fade. No, I like chill and happy Reuben. Bring him back.
“Trust me, it’s not the most confused I’ve ever been in a relationship. I had one playmate who turned out to be a serial killer.”
Amazingly enough, Reuben did not even blink an eye at that. “I want you to come over tomorrow evening. I’ll make you dinner… we have a lot to discuss.”