I squeezed back, letting her know I was interested in her. “Olivia, I’m very flattered, especially since I know I’m an average looking man, and you are stunningly beautiful.”
“Jon, I think…”
“Let me finish what I need to say, please? You are beautiful, inside and out. Like my wife was, but different. I’m glad you’re different. I wouldn’t want to be comparing you to each other. I want to like you for who you are, and I do. Quite a lot. You’re smart and sweet. So kind. I am very attracted to you. But I don’t know if I can go home with you…like you’re suggesting. I get your point, that for both of us, time is somewhat limited. Even more so for me. But I need a little time. Maybe a few days. Maybe longer. I have to work this out for myself. I really enjoy your company. I’d like to take you to the New Year’s Eve party at the club. And maybe I’m crazy, but my family are all coming to town next week for my birthday next Wednesday. Whatever happens, I’d like you to join us for dinner that night. Not so much because I’m ready to introduce you to them. I mean, I am. But I want to celebrate my birthday with you as well as with them. Damn, I’m kind of making a mess of this.”
She smiled at me, a touch disappointed but overall, very pleased. “There’s a lot to respond to there. First of all, I would love to join you Saturday night for New Years. I was hoping you would ask me. And normally, I would agree, it’s very soon to meet your children and your sister. But I do want to join you for your birthday. So I guess it’s a package deal. Your birthday and your family.” We both chuckled. It wasn’t much of a joke, but it was light and sweet. “And I disagree. I think you’re a very handsome man. Very distinguished looking. I’m a little sad about tonight, Jon, but I understand. I’ve had more time to come to terms with this. So think things over. Maybe you’ll decide you’re ready soon. Hopefully, very soon. If not, we could at least be friends?” Her smile was so kind.
“At the very least. Please understand, it’s not that I don’t want to. You’re a very beautiful woman and you’re fun and interesting, far and away the most desirable lady I’ve met since I’ve been single. It’s just…”
“I understand. In the meantime, we can look forward to bringing in the new year together.”
We talked a little longer, learning things about each other. When you get older, there’s so much to discover. A lifetime of experiences. She also loved traveling. I thought it would be great to have someone to travel with. There were still so many places I wanted to see.
Our kiss goodnight was still passionate like the previous night, but there was no question that was all there would be. I felt kind of bad as I walked to my building. Olivia paid me a great compliment and I kind of rejected her. Not completely, but I knew that couldn’t have been good for her ego. I had some thinking to do. And I knew where I needed to go to do it.
The next day I went to the cemetery in Wayne to visit Eva. It was a very cold day, cloudy and grey, and I shivered as I stood by her grave and placed a couple of small rocks on her stone. It’s a Jewish tradition; we don’t do flowers on a grave. Stones symbolize permanence, that the deceased will always be remembered. There were a couple of rocks there already, meaning Cammy had been there recently, since none of my kids lived in the area. That made me smile. My sister loved Eva as much as we loved our parents.
I stood there, cold, seeking some sort of answer to my problem. Would Eva really understand if I got deeply involved with another woman now? I know, I’ve said neither of us believed in God, but we were somewhat spiritual in our way, and I hoped there was a place where she was, waiting for me as she spent the time with our other loved ones, her parents and mine, friends who passed on. I looked at her stone and tears came, warm on my cold cheeks. “Angel, I don’t know what to do” I said very quietly. “She’s a wonderful lady, and I think you would have liked her under the right circumstances. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you anymore. I always, always will love you. It’s not just sex, honey. I like her, I enjoy her companionship. I wish I knew if you’d understand.”
I kept sniffling, using a tissue to dry my eyes and cheeks (I always brought tissues when I went to visit her). Just then, the clouds parted for a few minutes and the Sun came out. I looked up and it was as if she was telling me something. It was love and understanding. It was her caring embrace, as if her kiss was on my face. When the clouds closed again, I was sure Eva was giving me her consent. She wanted me to be happy and not to be alone.
“Thank you, Angel. “I love you so much. You’ll always be special beyond words.” I kissed my fingertips and pressed them to the engraving of her name, and I felt the ache ease from my heart. I walked back to my car with a lighter step. I was at peace with my Angel finally.
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Saturday night I picked Olivia up at 8 and we went back to my place and met some friends for a drink before heading over to the club. It was the first time she’d been to my home and she told me she liked my choice of decor. It was modern and cozy, a real homey feeling. At 9 we all walked over to the party, dressed in formalwear. All the men wore tuxedos and looked more or less the same. The women were in gowns and all looked different. Olivia wore a shimmering deep blue gown that fit her well, cut kind of low, showing her brown skin, very complimentary to her.
I had told her how beautiful she looked when I picked her up, and as we danced between dinner courses I told her again. “You’re really stunning tonight. I think you’re always a beautiful woman, but tonight you look amazing.”
“Well, let me say you look very dashing yourself. My own James Bond.” We laughed easily together. I was kind of old to be a James Bond. But I liked her compliment. During the night we kept dancing, drinking a little but not enough to get more than tipsy. It was a lot of fun and I knew I really liked Olivia, quite a lot, and I could sense she felt the same way about me. But I assumed nothing regarding after the party.
A few minutes before midnight, the champagne glasses were filled and then the bandleader counted down from ten until it was 2035. I took Olivia in my arms and I said “Happy New Year, Liv. I think it’s going to be a great one.”
“Happy New Year, Jon. Let’s make it special together.” We kissed, a long, warm caring and sexy kiss. We looked into each other’s eyes and we both knew how the evening would end. We agreed with silent consent. Then we went around the table, kissing our friends before we got back to each other and kissed again.
We stayed for a couple of more dances, about an hour, before we made our excuses and said goodnight to our companions. I slipped her coat on, then my own, and we walked the short distance to Olivia’s home a few minutes away. As soon as we were inside the door, we were kissing again, but with greater urgency and intense desire. We tossed our coats onto her couch and we kept kissing outside her bedroom door, stoking the fires that raged inside us. Before we went inside, before we officially crossed over the line to become lovers, Olivia asked me “Jon, are you sure you’re ready? Do you want to tell me what changed since Wednesday?”