I had never had any inclination or desire to be with a woman. It was so foreign to me. Depraved. Deviant. And what would the town think if they found out? I would be ostracized. Shunned. Spat on. I would lose my job at the bank.
Mostly, though, I worried what Desmond would think. Would he shun me? Hate me? Would I lose that special look he gave me? Would I forever lose that chance? A chance to…
My mind veered quickly away from that thought before it could form. To grow roots.
I could simply say we were too drunk. That we only wanted to sleep and that sharing a bed wasn’t abnormal. Just two friends sleeping in the same bed. Surely, he could believe that. It could be totally true. I wasn’t committing to anything. I had already told her I wanted to just sleep.
Dammit, Desmond would insist on driving her home. He only had a few beers. People around here drank and drove all the time. The chances on hurting someone was unlikely in the sparsely populated area. And it was just up the road. Two minutes there and back.
Desmond came upstairs from the Game Room. He made more noise than normal, and we looked as he rounded the corner into the kitchen. We watched him closely and I could tell he was totally aware as he kept glancing at us. I wondered how we looked. Like two schoolgirls, caught smoking behind the school?
He grabbed a beer from the fridge and cracked it, the foam pushing up through the opening. He slurped away the foam and stared at us.
“Okay, what’s up?” he asked.
“Nothing,” I replied.
“You two look guilty.”
“No, we don’t” we both said at the same time and shot looks at each other.
“Ah, yes, you do.”
Jennifer spoke first. “Is it okay if I crash here tonight? I just love it here and your mom and I are really talking. I haven’t had this in a long time. I suggested I just crash here. Would that bother you?”
Desmond looked between us and lingered on me. I looked down and pulled my sundress down a little lower. It had ridden up to just below my panties.
“Yeah, sure. We have the guest room. I made it back up after Leanne left.” Part of me noticed his manner of speech. It was authoritative. He was the man of the house and I had never heard this side of him. A little dominating. A shiver went through me.
Jennifer watched me, waiting for my answer.
“No, we’re going to have a girl’s night. We’re going to stay up in my room, swap stories about boys, and probably just sleep there.”
There, I said it. It was out. I watched him for his reaction.
He shrugged and drank his beer.
I waited for more. The silence dragged out.
He finished his beer and crushed and tossed the can in the recycle bin. “I feel like I’m interrupting something. Sorry, ladies. I’ll get out of your hair.”
Desmond crossed over to me and then hugged me and kissed my forehead. He held his lips there, and I loved the feeling. His arms held me so easily. So effortlessly. I felt as light as a feather. He let me go and stood up.
“Can I get a hug, too?” asked Jennifer. She used such a small voice. She looked at me and I nodded, smiling.
“Sure? For my mom’s new friend, I can do that.”
Desmond went over and hugged her, his arms wrapping around her back and pulling her up to him. He kissed her forehead, too, and that shocked me. It shocked Jennifer too judging by her face. He let her go and stood up. His jeans looked a little tight to me and I looked away.
“Night ladies, don’t stay up too late.” Desmond grinned at me and walked away to head upstairs.
We listened to him head into the bathroom. A moment later, the toilet flushed and then his bedroom door closed.
I stared at Jennifer the entire time, and she stared back.
“Wow,” she said.
“He kissed your forehead,” I said at almost the same time.
She giggled. “He did. I guess I’m your friend now?”
“If you want to be.”
“Would you like that?”
I nodded. “I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school. I think I need this. Would you mind?”
“God, no. It’s been a long time since I had someone to be open with. Talk through things. I missed this. Badly. I know we’ve just met, and this is going really fast, probably because of the wine, but I feel so at peace right now. Comfortable. Happy.”
I stared at her, trying to get her face to imprint on my memory. She was dazzling gorgeous. Petite, slim, busty, with a perfect complexion, and her hair shone in the light of the sunroom. Her legs were stretched out like mine and her skin shone. She was beautiful.
“You think I’m beautiful?”
I started and then realised I had spoken the last thought out loud. “You are. So beautiful.”
Her face warmed, and she looked embarrassed. “So are you. So tall and beautiful. Desmond looks at you like my father used to look at me. Did you know that? Can you see it?”
I shook my head, fear running through me. Speaking of this made it real, and I didn’t want it to be real. I wanted it to remain just a fantasy. I could only see pain and rejection down those thoughts.
I went to sip my wine but found my glass empty. I stared at it like it had betrayed me. “How much wine did we drink?” My words were slurred.
“A lot. Way more than we should have. It just went with the company.”
I was afraid of my next words, and I forced them out. “Ready for bed?”
She nodded.
We rose, and I led the way to my bedroom. The stairs felt higher than normal. The hallway stretched to infinity. And then we were inside my bedroom, and the door closed behind us, sealing off the outside world. I turned to her and found her right behind me.
Her arms went around my waist, and she placed the left side of her face up against my collar bone and hugged me. I could feel my breasts pressed against her, and right below them, her breasts pressed up against my upper stomach. We fit together perfectly.
I plunked my chin on top of her head. “I, ah, sleep naked.”
“Me, too,” came her muffled reply.
“I need to pee, first.”
“Me, too. You go first.”
I nodded and slowly let go of her. She kept her arms around me and looked up at me. I could see how drunk she was. As drunk as me, most likely. I gazed into her eyes and saw nothing but admiration in them. Her lips were wet and plump and delicious looking. I knew then that I was attracted to women, and it upended everything I thought I knew about myself. American society frowns on same-sex relationships. The result of far too much interference by a repressed tiny segment of the US population. Part of me had been swayed by that overly loud misinformed minority. I fought those useless voices in my head.
Imagine being at the top of a building and wanting to jump. Knowing you could fly but everyone says you can’t. That’s how I felt. Trapped between what my heart wanted and what society expected of me. Was I strong enough for this? Would this change me? Make me have regrets? Would I wake in the morning and hate myself, or hate Jennifer for allowing it to happen?
I had no idea. But I was drunk. And horny. And Jennifer, in that moment of time, looked like everything I could possibly need or want.
I lowered my head, staring into those eyes. My lips crept closer and closer to the event that would likely change my life. My heart pounded so hard in my chest, I swear I could hear it. My lips grew closer and closer to hers.