Never in a Thousand Years by Privates1stClass,Privates1stClass

“I’m yours, no matter what they decide,” she whispered.

We sat for about fifteen minutes, awaiting our parents’ decision. Finally, we were called back to Heather’s dining room.

Dad said, “Here’s what we’ve decided. There’s a Biblical story I’ll paraphrase as ‘He who is without sin may cast the first stone.’ After we discussed what you did, we decided we’d be hypocrites to punish you for what we did when we were your age, but we didn’t get caught. We married young, and we know what young love is. Now don’t think you’re going to get off scot-free–there are going to be some rules you’ll have to agree to.”

Dad’s admission that he and Mom had done what we did came as a revelation. By what he inferred, Heather’s parents must have done the same thing.

Dad said, “We’ve agreed to a number of rules you must follow and Linda wrote them down. We expect you to follow them. First off, what we’re offering are privileges, not rights, and they can be taken away. So now to the rules.”

Heather’s mom picked up where Dad left off. “If either of you have a question about these rules, we want to hear it now rather than later. Do both of you understand?”

Heather and I both nodded our heads.

“Well then, Rule number 1. We’d prefer you don’t have sex, but if you do, Michael must wear a condom every time. Do you agree?”

She looked directly at me, and I answered, “Yes.”

“Rule number 2. We’re putting Heather on birth control pills and she must agree she will take one every day without fail. Heather, do you concur?”

Heather answered, “Yes.”

“Very well, let’s go to Rule 3.

“We four parents have decided we’ll continue playing cards, bowling, or birding on the weekends, just as we have for the past several months. You two may participate if you wish. Or, you may decide to spend time with each other at the empty home. You’ll have a few hours alone with each other, and we’ll call before we return home.”

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Heather and I looked at each other in disbelief as Mrs. Fuchs continued. “Now here’s where Rule 3 applies–you will not, and I repeat, NOT mention this to your any of your friends. This is a privilege given to you alone, and if you abuse it, it will be removed. Do you both understand?”

Both of us nodded our agreement.

Heather had a puzzled expression, “Mom, we expected worse. Why aren’t you punishing us?”

Mr. Fuchs answered, “Your mother and I were in love and going steady when we were your age. At the same time during the sixties, hippies were pushing their ideas of free love. We heard their message and gave in to our desires, so it would be hypocritical to punish you when we engaged in the same activities.

“That’s the reason why you aren’t being punished. At the same time, we’re asking you to be mature about the privileges you’ve been given and don’t abuse them.”

I breathed a sigh of relief as I squeezed Heather’s hand.

During the next several months, Heather and I took advantage of our new-found freedom to have sex. She regularly took her birth control pills and I always used a condom. We’d have preferred going bare-back as we had our first time, but the rules we’d been given were the most generous we could have ever considered.

* * *

Epilogue

As I reflect on my history, perhaps failing to win the state championship 400-meter was better for me than I thought at the time. It allowed my relationship with Heather to blossom.

Heather and I both graduated from high school and attended U of I. During our freshman year, we had to live in the dorms. However, the next three years, we shared an off-campus apartment, saved money from dorm fees, and engaged in as much sex as we desired.

Heather completed her nursing degree and I graduated with a degree in computer science. Our love for each other grew stronger during college and our joyous wedding was just a couple weeks after our graduation. Our parents were elated that we’d become a perfect couple. It wasn’t long afterward when they badgered us to begin a family so they could begin grandparenting.

Never in a thousand years would we have guessed our parents would have been so indulgent, considering we’d been caught.

Yes, after 30 years and two children later, Heather and I still play chess. But now, my chess skills have improved, so my win-loss rate is about the same as Heather’s. Instead of choosing the weekend movie, the winner gets to be on top when we have sex. The $10 bet was the best investment I ever made.

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