An adult stories – PUNKS Ch. 20: Confessions by dadadadiox,dadadadiox This chapter is R rated with no sex scenes.
December 1994
After Tina’s second honeymoon, Joe had no trips to New York on his schedule. He and Tina exchanged a handful of emails but had only two phone calls over several weeks. She told Joe that Jenna was still pissed off at them for hurting Casey. Jen hadn’t spoken to Joe since telling him how disappointed she was with him.
Joe and Jasmine entered their second holiday season as fuck buddies, this time, Joe was fine with that arrangement. He had accepted the reality of his situation. There were benefits to being chill. It gave him the freedom to pursue his other interests. Why rock the boat?
— Confidant —
Joe had trouble sleeping. He tossed and turned. There wasn’t anything troubling his mind. He simply couldn’t sleep. He decided to go down to the studio to play guitar. As he walked in the back door and saw something he didn’t want to see. Danny was sitting in the middle of the studio on a guitar stool with his pants down. A lady friend was seated on a drum stool sucking his cock. The music Danny had playing prevented them from hearing Joe enter.
“Oh fuck!” Danny said, pushing his friend back. She fell off the stool, landing on her ass.
“Oh my God!” she shouted, covering her naked chest, then running toward the control room.
Danny turned his back and pulled up his pants. When he turned around, Joe held a hand up, “Sorry kid. I didn’t know you had company. I’ll leave you two alone.”
Joe walked out and went back up to his apartment, amused, laughing to himself, a little embarrassed for Danny, but especially for the girl. The following morning, when he went to work, Danny apologized.
“Don’t worry about it,” Joe said. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Yeah, well, it was to her. And I’m not feeling great about it.”
“Who was that chick?”
“Brenda.”
“I recognized her. I’ve seen her around. I just couldn’t recall her name.”
“She definitely knows you.”
Joe laughed, “Now she does.”
“She was mortified. I thought she was going to cry, but she kept it together.”
“I know. The best thing to do is tell her I didn’t get a good look at her and have no idea who was sucking your dick.”
“That’s a good idea.” Danny smiled. “I’ll definitely do that.”
“I’m sorry I came down in the middle of the night,” Joe said, “I couldn’t sleep.”
“It’s okay. You do own the place.”
“What happened to Gloria? I know she was coming around but I haven’t seen her lately.”
“I think that ran its course. We’ve lost touch.”
“When I first offered you this crash pad, there was a moment, and only a moment, where I considered letting you stay in my guest room upstairs.”
“Really?” Danny responded, “I don’t think I’d be comfortable with that.”
“Nor would I. That’s why I didn’t offer. It’s not you personally. I’ve been living alone for over seven years. The last thing I want is a roommate. That awkward moment last night is another reason. I don’t want strangers in my studio. There’s no way I’d be cool with them in my home.”
“And you have Jas over on weekends. That might be weird.”
“Yes. The other thing is if you have too comfortable a situation, what incentive is there for you to find a place of your own?”
“That makes sense.”
“I understand you’re popular with the ladies, but you’ve got to be careful around here. I know you fucked Patty Sullivan.”
“She’s cool. We hooked up a few times.”
“Patty is cute, has a rocking body, and she’s fun, but she has one problem.”
“Don’t tell me she has the clap.”
“No. She runs her mouth. Remember when I told you how my ex loves talking about sex?”
“Tina?”
“Yeah. Patty’s the same. That’s how I know you banged her. She tells her girlfriends everything. When I tended bar, I heard it all. Patty and her girls would sit at the bar and talk about dudes.”
“Yeah, one of the oldtimers told me whenever you tended bar the girls would show up, but you wouldn’t fuck any of them.”
“That’s not true,” Joe said, “I was just careful to not get involved with the wrong ones.”
“I see,” Danny nodded. “Patty told me you don’t like her.”
“That’s not true at all. I like Patty. I just won’t fuck her. A few years back she hit on me hard. I was tempted, because I heard she’s… never mind. Anyway, I knew she ran her mouth so I stayed clear of her. Patty took several swings before giving up.”
Danny smirked, “She took me out of the park on the first pitch.”
Joe laughed, “Patty is a clutch hitter. I’ve seen and heard a lot of stuff, and I know anyone worth knowing around here.” He paused. “And… the word at the Surfside is, the girls say you have a big dick.”
Danny’s eyes widened.
Joe laughed, “That’s not the worst rumor to have around town. How do you think they know?”
“Patty?”
“Yup. And how much do you wanna bet Brenda heard that before she hit on you?”
Danny nodded, taking in the information Joe was giving him. “You’re telling me to be careful who I fuck and not let strangers in the studio.”
“Pretty much. I don’t want to cramp your style, but I need you to be respectful of my concerns.”
“Funny thing,” Danny added, “Patty said something about your junk.”
“Like what?”
Danny shrugged.
“How the fuck would she know?”
“You must have banged someone she knows.”
“I don’t fuckin’ know,” Joe said, exasperated. “Ya see? I didn’t even fuck Patty and she’s talking about me. A little discretion goes a long way, she has none. Look, it’s great if you’re popular with women, but it can get you in a lot of trouble if you don’t restrain yourself… just a little. The simplest thing to do is not fuck the wrong woman.”
Danny smirked. “Like Tina’s hostess?”
Joe chuckled. “Touche’. We still haven’t recovered from that. Think with this head,” Joe pointed at his temple, “before the other one gets you in hot water.”
Danny nodded. “I won’t bring strangers here. If you don’t know them, they won’t get through that door.”
“That’s fair.”
“If I meet someone new, I’ll at least introduce them, so you know who I’m with.”
“That’ll work. And I won’t barge into the studio after hours, even though I own the place.”
In the weeks since Danny had moved into the studio. Joe had invited him up for dinner a handful of times, about once a week. They talked about all sorts of stuff, but especially women and old friends. Joe didn’t tell Danny everything, like fucking Tina in the ass, nor did he share intimate details, but the kid got a pretty good dose of Joe’s situation with Tina, and Jasmine, and his affairs in NYC.
Maybe it was his Catholic past that made Joe feel good about speaking his truth. His talks were sometimes confessional as if he had to admit to someone impartial that he knows he did wrong.
Joe hadn’t had a confidant since his band stopped touring. Back in the day, it was Simon. Because Simon thought the world of Tina, Joe couldn’t tell him the trouble he had caused without being properly scolded by his British mate. In recent years Chico was his best man. The problem with Chi was, he would break Joe’s balls about his love life more than offer helpful words. Joe missed having a man’s point of view. Like it or not, Danny was filling that role, just a little. Joe was learning to trust him.
— Eldorados —
Chico had been pestering Joe about putting The Eldorados back together for months. Joe had placed ads at Grant’s Music and in LA Weekly magazine looking for a bassist and a drummer. When Danny proved he could adapt to the acoustic bass Joe had on loan from Grant, they only needed a drummer. He had met a couple of dudes but didn’t feel they’d work. One guy was too twitchy. Joe suspected he was high. The other drummer had his own ideas for a band that didn’t match what Joe was doing.
When a kid fresh out of high school showed up after answering the ad, Joe was skeptical. Bobby was a strange kid but Joe liked two things about him before he heard him strike a skin; he was enthusiastic and he looked the part. He dressed like a greaser from the fifties. His wavy hair was slicked back, he wore jeans and a sleeveless T-shirt and rings on every finger, eight in all.
As they talked in the studio, Joe couldn’t help but wonder how this eighteen-year-old could be so out-of-place for his generation. Who influenced him? When Joe asked, Bobby excitedly answered.
“My Gramps is a drummer. He just about raised me. My Mom had a tough road. We lived with my grandparents for some years while she worked two jobs. Gramps bought me my first kit when I was six, and it wasn’t a toy. He taught me everything I know. He plays old rock & roll, so I dig that. I love Van Halen and the Chili Peppers, but I’ve always stuck with the old stuff, especially rockabilly and blues.”
Bobby sat behind Joe’s simple studio kit. He made some adjustments to the standard five-piece Tama, then played some basic beats. Joe and Danny listened. When Bobby went off on an impressive drum solo, Danny looked at Joe and smiled.
The audition took only three minutes for Joe to decide, but the kid played on. When he transitioned into jazz, Joe was truly impressed. After a minute of jazz, bobby played African beats. When he stopped, Joe and Danny slowly clapped.
“Nice,” Joe said, “You have some range.”
“Gramps told me if I want to make money I better learn to play everything. I dabble.”
Joe handed him a set list of thirty-six songs, mostly rockabilly with some sixties garage rock and seventies punk mixed in. Bobby scanned the list, “Cool. A lot of these songs are straight from Gramps’ record collection. I know most of this stuff.”
“Take it home and bone up on it,” Joe slapped the kid on the back, “Danny’s been working out for weeks. He’s ready.”
“I’m hired?”
“Yeah. You’re hired.’
“Sweet,” Bobby banged the snare, “I thought you might say I was too young.”
“Pffft,” Joe scoffed, “If you’re dependable and you can play, age means shit.”
Danny picked up the sapphire and turquoise upright bass and started thumping a slow beat. The new kid picked it up on drums. They played it out for a minute before Danny changed gears, going upbeat. The kid followed. Joe left them to play, sold on his new rhythm section.
Later that day, Joe phoned Chico, “I found our drummer, and wait til you get a load of this kid.”
When Chico arrived two days later for their first practice session, he almost laughed out loud at Bobby’s hot rod flame cabana shirt and greased hair.
“How old is this kid?
“Eighteen. He graduated from Venice High School this year.”
“He looks like he’s from the class of ’62.”
Joe smiled, “I know. Isn’t he great?”
Chico stopped doubting when they launched into their first number, Red Hot, by Robert Gordon, a rockabilly standard. Bobby was an excellent beat keeper and added flair where he could. He was flashy but not overly so. They then played C’mon Everybody, by Eddie Cochran. The kid smiled as he played the soft beat, then realized they were playing the song harder than the original. He stepped it up.
“That’s great!” He exclaimed when they stopped. I like it hard.
“That’s Joe’s credo from his punk rock days,” Chico said, “He plays everything a little harder and louder. You have to match him or his guitar banging will bury you.”
They played most of the songs on the setlist Joe had provided in the order, with smiles, as they were far better the first time practicing than anyone could expect. The Eldorados were back.
Joe looked at Danny. “I can’t call you kid anymore.”
“I know.” Danny smiled. “There’s a new kid in town.’
*****
Two weeks into their jam sessions Jasmine sat in on a Sunday practice. The band was working through Joe’s rockabilly-garage rock-punk set list, now up to forty songs. They had nearly every song down and were now in the exchanging notes phase, ‘How about we try this, or maybe that would work.’ Songs were evolving as Chico and Joe became more familiar with Danny and Bobby. After the session, Joe and Jas went upstairs to cook dinner.
Jas turned the volume of Joe’s stereo down. “I want to talk to you about Christmas.”
“What about it?”
“I won’t be around. I have family stuff.”
“Same as last year,” he said. “That’s fine. We can have Christmas Eve then you do Brentwood and I fly home.”
“No. I can’t do Christmas Eve either. My aunt is having a party. Then I’ll be at my parent’s Christmas Day.”
Joe nodded but didn’t respond.
“I’m sorry, Joe. It’s family, and I have to…”
“You don’t have to explain, Jas. I’m well aware of the situation. We can do something before Christmas. It’s not a big deal. I’m atheist. Do you think I care?”
“I know you don’t care about the religious stuff, but you do care about the family side.”
“Yeah, my family. I fly home every year for them. You do your family thing, and I do mine.”
“No, I mean it bothers you that you can’t be part of my family.”
“Not as much as you think.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m over it.”
Jas stared at Joe, not sure what he meant. I’m over it is simple enough, but what exactly does he mean?
“What are you over?”
“I’m over hoping that we can have a relationship where I can be part of your life. It’s been a year, Jas. If it hasn’t happened by now…” Joe made a face.
“I’m sorry, Joe.”
“Stop apologizing. If you’re sorry, you’d do something about it. This is lip service. We talk about it but nothing ever changes.”
“I wasn’t trying to upset you.”
“I’m not upset. I’m simply stating the facts and telling you I’ve accepted them as they are and you don’t have to keep explaining your family situation or that you’re dating other guys. It’s okay.”
Jas stared at Joe, not sure what to say.
“Look, Jas. We have this,” he pointed at himself and then at her. “This is what I care about. That,” he pointed to the outside world, “is not something I worry about. Okay?”
Jas nodded, “Okay.”
Joe walked over to the stereo and turned the volume back up. Jas watched him, trying to access if he was upset and trying to downplay his feelings or if everything was in fact okay. This thought hung over her for the remainder of the day as Joe seemed quieter than usual.
After dinner, she brought it up again. “I think you’re upset with me.”
“About what?”
“My family, Christmas, all that stuff.”
Joe inhaled and then exhaled, blowing the air out. “You gotta stop this, Jas. We can’t keep having these talks when you damn well know you’re not going to do anything different. I just told you this morning that I accept things as is and I’m okay with that. What do you want me to do, start a fight, be a butt-hurt drama queen? I’m not doing that because I don’t care. We’re fine, you and me, no one else matters.”
“You seem annoyed. You’ve been quiet all day.”
“I’m annoyed you keep making this an issue. I’m just quiet today. How much should I speak to make you feel comfortable?”
“Don’t be a dick about it.”
Joe exhaled again. Now it was his turn to not know what to say. He was tired of repeating himself. He walked over to the dining table and sat down. He felt he was in no man’s land. If he suddenly became chatty to make her feel better she was certainly smart enough to know it was fake. If he remained in his quiet mood, she’d continue to think he was angry with her.
Jas sat across the table from him. “What do you want me to do?”
“Stop talking about this. I’ve already told you how I feel. We’ve had a few heated moments in this relationship. Have I ever held back when I’m truly pissed off?”
“I don’t think so.”
“I’m not holding back anything now. I’m fine. I do however find this conversation exhausting every time we have it. Let it go, Jas.”
“You seem distant today, ever since I brought it up.”
“I was quiet all morning. My being quiet doesn’t mean I’m hurt or angry.” Joe put his hand on hers. “Please, can we stop this?”
Jasmine nodded.
*****
A week before Christmas, Joe was watching an NBA game when his phone rang in the evening.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Joe, it’s Jenna.”
“Hey, Jen. How are you?”
She sighed. “I’m fine. Can we talk?”
“Of course we can. What’s going on? Did something happen?”
“No, but a lot of shit has been said.”
“Like what?”
“I’ll start with Casey. She and I had lunch a few Saturdays back. She told me a lot, Joe. Too much actually. Ya know, she’s like Tina when it comes to sex. She loves talking about it.”
“Yeah. I’m now aware of that.”
“She told me about the night of the benefit. I guess she was pass-out drunk in your hotel room and you took care of her.”
“All I did was carry her to the bed and tuck her in.”
“And you didn’t fuck her.”
“We’ll, duh. She was out cold.”
“Some guys might have taken…”
“Whatever, Jen. I just made sure she was safe.”
“Look, Joe. I’m not gonna lie. You sleeping with her and causing her to leave Amethyst hurts. I’m more pissed off at Tina. She chased Casey off, but you never should have fucked her.”
“I know. I’m sorry that she paid the price for that.”
“Casey doesn’t seem to care. She’s fine, but she has ideas in her head that you’ll stay with her when you come out again, so I corrected her.”
“Corrected her?”
“First I told her she was being delusional. You live in LA and she’s here. There’s no future for her and you. Then I said if it came down to her versus Tina, Casey has no chance.”
Joe didn’t reply. Jen continued
“She felt you showed real affection for her, and it wasn’t just sex. I explained that you’re capable of love in small doses. You meet women and have these brief relationships that are meaningful in their own way, but there’s no future. You’re a dog, but you’re also a romantic, and she’s got the wrong idea in her head.”
“Thank you for not making me a monster.”
“You’re a lot of things, Joe, a monster isn’t one of them.”
“I think the jury is still out on that.”
“Casey had been asked out by a guy connected to her new gallery. She turned him down, twice, because she wanted to be available if you came to town.”
“That’s not good.”
“No. It’s not. I told her to reconsider. She went on a date with him last week, and now they’re seeing each other.”
“That’s good.”
“Yes. I think Casey’s head is clear now. Can you do me a favor, Joe?”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t fuck her again. Let her move on.”
“Okay,” Joe said, “If she has a boyfriend I wouldn’t want to mess that up.”
“Thank you.”
“Man, that guy’s a lucky bastard. Case is gonna fuck his brains out. That girl …”
“Stop. I don’t need to hear this.”
“Sorry.” He wasn’t sorry.
“The other thing is Tina.” Jen went on. “She’s a mess right now. She’s upset with you and kicking herself. She’s taking this way harder than I’d expected. We haven’t been talking much, just business, no personal stuff. I just didn’t want to hear her shit right now. I started easing off and she finally unloaded on me, telling me how hurt she is. I’m sure you’ve already heard it.”
“I have. I’m not apologizing anymore. She knows it’s not sincere. She still wants me to grovel or something. I refuse, so she’s mad at me.”
“I know. She told me you’re shameless.”
“Yup, and that’s the pot calling the kettle black.”
Jen sighed, “The last thing is me. I’m dealing with this. I don’t want it to hurt our friendship. What happened had nothing to do with me, so I’m trying to get over it.”
“Am I out of your doghouse?”
“That’s why I called. I want to talk about this and get past it. Are you coming to New York any time soon?”
“I’ll be in Providence for Christmas. I was thinking about coming down on the train mid-week. I have some end-of-year business at the studio. I figured I’d pop in on you and Tina.”
“Oh, my God. Tina will lose her mind. She has a group of investors coming in on the twenty-seventh. She’ll be wining and dining them for two days.”
“That’s my best next opportunity.”
“You did promise to make some time for me next time you came out.”
“That was before you knew I was a dog who fucked his exes’ friends. You still want to hang out with me?”
“That’s what this call is about.”
“Okay. Let me get back to you when I know what day I’ll be there, probably the Wednesday after Christmas.”
“That’s the 27th. She’s not gonna like it.”
They talked for a few more minutes, getting caught up on other stuff, then Jenna had one more thing to say.
“Just to put it on record, Joe. I’m not sleeping with you.”
“That’s what Tina always says… right before she fucks me.”
“I’m not Tina.”
*****
The new version of The Eldorados had jammed a dozen times over a three-week period. Joe was thrilled with their progress. He called his old friend at The Surfside, Larry, and asked if he was interested in having them play his beach dive bar. Larry took the date and Joe brought the news to the band.
“When I get back from the holiday break we’ll do a couple of warm-ups, arrange the set list, and play out,” he told his bandmates, “I booked The Surfside for the seventh.”
“Your birthday?” Chico asked.
“Yeah.”
“Cool.”
“Is there going to be a problem with me not being twenty-one?” Bobby asked.
“Not at The Surfside, but I’m working on getting you an ID.”
“I don’t drink, so that won’t be a problem,” Bobby said, “I’m straight-edge.”
Chico furrowed his brow. “What the fuck is straight-edge?”
Danny fielded the question, “No alcohol, no drugs, some don’t even do caffeine or sugar.”
“I’m not that hardcore,” Bobby explained, “Just no booze or drugs. We have the drinky gene in my family. I’m trying to avoid my Dad’s fate.”
“Is he still with us?”
Bobby shrugged, “Is state prison still with us?”
“What’s he in for?”
“He’s been pinched for a bunch of DUI’s and then he finally fucked up big, vehicular manslaughter.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Joe said.
“Honestly, if he was around I’d probably be fucked up. My dad is not a good guy. He’s an asshole.”
“The easiest lesson are the ones we learn from other people’s mistakes,” Joe added, “Good on you for knowing that at a young age.”
“That’s my Gramps line.”
“I assume that’s your Mom’s father.”
“Yeah. He quit booze after he had a few run-ins and has made it clear that I’m a ticking time bomb if I drink liquor. He might have a beer or two, but no hard stuff.”
*****
Jasmine stayed over on the night before Christmas Eve. They had dinner, exchanged modest gifts, and fucked. Joe sensed she was still uneasy about her family situation but she pushed those feelings aside.
After flying home for Christmas and hanging with his sisters for half the week, Joe took the train down to New York. He had only a few hours of meetings with his partners in Chelsea. Then he made good on a promise.
Jenna picked up the phone in her office. “Hello.”
“I’m done for the day,” Joe said.
“I was waiting by the phone,” Jenna said. “What do you have in mind?”
“Well, I have an idea, but it might be risky.”
“I like that. Go on.”
“Let’s hang at The Cairo.”
“That is risky. They know me for sure, they know Tina, and I’m pretty sure they know you.”
“I know Cleo very well actually, she’s amazing. I started going there on those nights I had no one to hang with on weekends. I just sit at the bar. Cleo and I talk while she makes drinks and deals harshly with drunks.”
“She’s tough.”
“Damn right, she is. She’s from Tel Aviv and served in the IDF. Cleo has serious professional Israeli military training and skills.”
“Are you nearby?”
“I’ll race you there, loser buys the first round.”
Joe hung up. Jenna hung up, grabbed her overcoat, and walked briskly upstairs and toward the door. When Britanny tried to stop her to ask a question, Jenna waved her off without a word. She turned south toward Broome Street, walking so fast it was almost a jog. After so many years of friendship, Jen knew Joe probably made that phone call close by, that’s why he challenged her. He cheats like that, and she wanted to beat him.
Three zig-zag blocks later, she turned a corner to see Joe standing in front of The Ciaro, waiting for her. She slowed her gait. As she walked up, Joe put his arms out for a hug.
“I wanted to see if you were running,” he laughed as they embraced. “You kinda were.”
“I wasn’t running. I was in a hurry.”
“And you haven’t caught your breath.”
Joe turned and opened the door for Jen, she stepped through. Joe followed.
“Look at that,” he said. “You crossed the threshold ahead of me.”
“You let me win?” Jenna smiled.
“Chivalry is not dead.”
There were a dozen bar stools occupied in the dimly lit hookah bar. Two tables were claimed by men smoking. Joe waved at the bartender and circled around Jenna to the opposite side of the bar. She followed.
“Hi, Cleo. Can we get service in the back?”
“Hey sweetie,” Cleo smiled, “good to see you’re back in town. Can I start something for you?”
“My usual, shake it hard, and a Manhattan.”
Cleo smiled and finger-waved at Jenna. Jenna smiled and nodded.
“Go find your place. I’ll take care of you.”
Joe led Jenna to the back rooms, but not the back-back room he and Tina usually occupied. He liked one of the side rooms, the red room. The sofa and walls were red, and most decor had some shade of red in it. Jenna took her coat off and sat on the sofa, on the far left, leaning back against large soft pillows.
“I love this place,” Joe said, “the fabrics and colors.” he pointed, “That tapestry is my favorite thing here. It was handmade in Turkey. Everything here is imported from the Mediterranean, even the staff; Arabs, and Jews working together. It’s a great vibe here.”
“And you have memories of this place,” Jenna noted.
“I do.” Joe sat next to Jenna, not close, but not across the sofa.
Jenna talked of the many happy hours she, Tina, Casey, and other female artsy types shared in these rooms, usually the back-back room. Cleo arrived with a martini and a Manhattan.
“So where’s Tina?” She asked.
“With clients, wishing she was here,” Joe smiled.
She cautiously placed their full cocktail glasses down and smiled at Joe. “If you need anything, you know where I am.”
When Cleo left, Jenna scooted closer to Joe and leaned against him, “Do not fuck her, Joe.”
Joe laughed. “I know what you’re saying.”
“She’s not your type, you like sweet girls.”
“I know, but Cleo’s gorgeous in a rough way, it’s hard to explain.”
“I know what you mean. You want to sleep with her but you’re afraid of her.”
“She could probably kill me in a fight, I mean actual death, not a metaphor.”
Joe noticed that Jenna had not only moved closer but remained there. She reached for her drink. Joe took his drink in hand and raised his glass, but for once in his life didn’t have words. Jenna took her shot at a toast.
“Here’s to one of the best friends of my life. Thank you for taking the train for me, Joe.”
“A plane and a train,” Joe smiled, they clinked glasses and took a sip, then placed their drinks down. Jen fell back against the cushions, and Joe followed, shoulder to shoulder. Jen turned toward Joe.
“You’ve been the topic of conversation in these rooms many times. Tina always tells the story of you making out and the older couple just watching you. I’ve heard it so many times. I don’t know why she keeps telling it.”
“Whenever we came here we fooled around, a little.”
Jenna reached for her drink, “She enjoys putting on a show, and so do you.”
“It’s harmless fun giving people something to see, and it’s hot.”
“If you’re an exhibitionist.”
“You’re not into that?”
“No, I don’t have that confidence.”
“Well then,” Joe smiled as he reached for his drink, “It’s good that we have the room to ourselves.”
“There will be no fooling around, Joe. Please don’t make me keep saying it.”
“Saying what.”
“That I’m not going to sleep with you.”
“I’m not making you say it. That’s all you.”
“I thought I wanted to talk about Casey and that mess, but now that we’re here I don’t want to dwell on that. I’m kinda over it.” Jenna sat up, on the edge of the sofa, and turned to Joe. “I do want to talk about what you plan on doing next with Tina.”
“I don’t have a plan.”
“You may not realize it, but you’re on the right track, maybe by accident, but missing Tina two straight trips is perfect. I have a plan.”
“Of course you do,” Joe sipped his martini.
“You should show up at the gallery tomorrow morning, late. She won’t be able to see you. Her investors arrived this afternoon. She’s having dinner with them tonight. Tomorrow they tour the gallery and studio, then lunch, and then afternoon meetings. There’s no chance she can get away. You want her to know she’s missing you again.”
“You want to mess with her head while she’s in important meetings with investors?”
“I know it’s not nice, but she can handle the business. Do you have any plans to come out again?”
“Not at the moment. I’ve been seven times in eight months.”
“I know. If you could come out as soon as you can and manage to not fuck her, you’ll have set the stage. Three trips, no intimacy. Don’t do the Monday phone calls, especially not phone sex. If she does call, you need something else to talk about.”
“Like what?”
“Tell me about this girlfriend in LA. What’s her name, Jasmine?”
“Yeah, but saying girlfriend is overstating it.”
“Not serious?”
“Honestly. I thought we were moving in that direction but she’s not comfortable going there with me.”
“You did say she was a smart girl,” Jenna smiled.
“Fuck, Laura said the exact same thing,” Joe took another sip. “Jas knows about Tina and feels like she’d be my number two pick. Jasmine doesn’t want to be any man’s second choice.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, Joe. That can’t feel good.”
“No, it doesn’t, but I’m way past that.”
Jenna put her hand on his. “You do understand her position, right? I mean, your history with Tina looms large. It’s always going to be there.”
“I’m painfully aware.”
“I know you haven’t told Tina about her, and nor will I. She thinks you’re banging a bunch of beach bunnies out there.”
“I’ve never been that way. I mean, I’ve had my fun but I also have standards.”
“I know you do.”
Cleo came over and asked if they wanted another round. Joe looked at Jenna. She nodded. They ordered more cocktails. They sat quietly for a bit.
Jen sipped her drink and looked Joe in the eyes. “I think you should tell Tina about Jasmine.”
“Really, as part of your plan?”
“On this end, you keep coming to New York but never fuck Tina or share intimacy.”
“So we can’t come here.”
“Correct. It will make her a bit crazy, angry and hurt. Then you tell her all about Jasmine and how amazing she is.”
“You want to make her jealous.”
Jenna nodded, “I want to make her believe her time with you is running out.”
“So she’ll have to make a hard decision.”
“You need to be committed to this, Joe. One blow job and we’re back to square one.”
“Okay. I have an idea too,” Joe put his hand on Jenna’s thigh. “Are you going to that luncheon tomorrow with the investors?”
“Hell no,” Jen laughed, “No way. That’s a snoozefest.”
“When T can’t see me tomorrow, you rescue me and take me to lunch. But we have to make sure she knows it.”
Jenna flashed her evil smile. “I know just the place, the Bistro. That’s where she’s taking them. They have a room reserved, but it’s only semi-private. We can let her see us.”
“Aren’t you supposed to be her best friend? You want to torture her?”
“If the plan works, the ends will justify the means.”
Cleo delivered a fresh round of drinks and cleared empty glasses. They took a sip of their new cocktails and sat quietly for a moment. Jenna broke the silence. “I have a confession.”
“Okay.”
“Casey told me everything about your weekend with her. I mean, she is so much like Tina going on and on about fucking you. I didn’t know this side of her.”
“She’s probably been corrupted by our frank discussions on carnal matters.”
“Maybe. She was animated at times, excited to tell me.”
“She talks fast when she gets that way.” Joe furrowed his brow. “What are you confessing?”
“That I enjoyed her story. It was weird. I’ve heard Tina talk about you so many times I became jaded. She loves you and I just figured she’s exaggerating for effect. Hearing it from Casey was different. She was into it, telling me things I wouldn’t share with others. I don’t have that level of openness.”
“I think you do. You’re just a little more reserved.”
“I have another confession.”
“Oh, okay. I didn’t realize this joint doubled as a confessional.”
“I was also jealous.”
“Really?”
“I was deeply disappointed in you for sleeping with Casey, but there was more to it than that.”
“I have apologized a few times.”
“I know, and I accept it.” Jenna paused for a long moment. “I was hurt, Joe, because I was stupidly jealous that you picked her. How long have we been friends? You know I’ve had a forever crush on you. I was jealous of Casey and disappointed not just because you fucked her, but because you picked her.”
“Two things, Jenna. I didn’t pick Casey. It was Tina’s idea. And second, you won’t fuck me. If I had chosen anyone, it would’ve been you.”
“Then how did Casey get you?”
“I was teasing Tina about her ridiculous blow jobs aren’t cheating rule and made some comment like, how would you feel if Casey sucked my cock? Tina and I aren’t married, so that’s fair game, right? And blow jobs aren’t cheating. That’s how it started. I was trying to make Tina jealous by talking about Casey blowing me, and T tried to prove she wasn’t jealous. She started by saying the idea of me fucking Casey turned her on. Then she offered to set us up, but that was just her teasing me. Then she told Casey I wanted to go on a date. She was messing with both of us, and it kinda threw Casey and me on the same wavelength.”
Jenna smirked, “And Tina failed her own test. She was totally jealous.”
“Failed miserably.”
“Okay, that’s kinda what Casey told me, more or less. She also said you got her that raise and the new desk.”
“Yeah, that was weird. Tina actually listens to me.”
“She definitely does,” Jenna put her hand on his knee. “That’s why I know you can do this. You influence her. She wants your approval. Joe, it’s kinda needy. I don’t mean to bag on Tina, but you’re as deep under her skin as she is in yours.”
“Well then, she’s officially fucked up.”
Jenna laughed. “You both are.”
“What do you get out of this, Jen? Why are you so invested in our fucked up lives?”
It took a while for Jen to find the words. “I want my two best friends to be happy.” Her eyes got misty. “I love T and she is not a happy woman. It hurts to see her this way. And you! You could win the Oscar for cheerful and charming performance in a tragedy.”
“Did you just make that up?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Joe nodded with respect. “Very good.”
Jenna smiled because Joe’s compliment pleased her, stopping her from getting weepy. She took the final sip of her drink and looked at Joe. “You’re not fooling me. I believe you have made the best life you can for yourself without Tina, but you’re not happy.”
“Anyone who knows me knows the dark side.”
“I know you.”
Joe took his final sip. “What happens if you succeed and Tina moves to Los Angeles?”
Jenna laughed, “Tina leave New York? No way. She loves this city. You’re gonna have to work out a bi-coastal thing.” She poked Joe. “That’s what you LA celebrities do.”
“Don’t go there.”
She then got back to business. “Are we on the same page with this plan? Can you come out here and keep your dick in your pants? Will you tell her about Jasmine and create the illusion that you’re moving on from T?”
“I can do that.” Joe paused a moment. “I have a confession of sorts.”
“Okay.”
“Things aren’t great with Jas and me. We see each other on weekends, two or three times a month. She arrives on Friday and stays the whole weekend. That’s been our MO for a year. Her family doesn’t know about me.”
“After a year?”
Joe then explained the problem with Jas’ mom and her issue with white men dating black women and how that’s been an obstacle and a source of annoyance. He gave her the whole story and how Jas seems to be struggling with Joe in her closet.
“That’s fucked up,” Jen said, “like she’s living a secret life with you.”
“Exactly, but I don’t care. It’s troubling her way more than me.”
“Ya know, it doesn’t matter. All you need to do is give Tina the idea you have love in LA. If you’re getting what you need from Jas, great. If not, just keep the illusion alive for Tina.”
“And what about you?” Joe looked into Jenna’s eyes. “Are you getting what you need from all this?”
“I get what I need someplace else.”
“Oh, I thought the Big Dig was messing up your love life.” Joe scrunched his nose. “Is there irony in that?”
Jenna sighed. “It’s a problem. Steven is just not here often enough to make things work. He’s been in Boston nine months now, and I’m frustrated.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Look, I’m giving it my best shot. He was coming back every other weekend. That was okay, but not great. Then he started skipping. It became every three weeks. So I now take the train up there to share the travel burden. I’m trying to make it work, but it’s just not good.”
“When was the last time you saw him?”
“Just this week. He was here for Christmas and went back on Monday. It’s not the same. The distance between us is more than New York and Boston.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“Nothing at the moment. His contract is one year. If he renews it, I’m probably done.”
Cleo came by to check in on them. Joe looked at Jenna. She didn’t give it a thought. “I’m done.”
Joe looked up at Cleo. “I guess we’re wrapping up. I’ll pay at the bar.”
After Cleo cleared the glasses and left, Joe looked into Jenna’s eyes, “I didn’t pick Casey over you. It wasn’t a contest. It just happened that way.”
“I get that now,” Jenna looked down. “I was just telling you how I felt.”
“You’re not going to fuck me, so it’s a moot point.”
“I suppose. I have to use the ladies’ room.”
“I’ll meet you at the bar.”
After Jenna peed and Joe found a place at the bar, she hugged Joe and left. He stayed behind for another drink. While Cleo mixed his third martini, she reminded him of a hard rule he gave her many months ago.
“Three is the end of the road for you, sweetie.”
“I know.”
“So, you and Jenna. What’s up with that?”
“I’ve known her almost as long as Tina, like, within two months. We’re friends.”
Cleo smiled. “It looks like more than friends to me.” She slid his cocktail across the bar.
— Dog and Pony Show —
Joe arrived at the gallery at 11:15 AM. When Brittany greeted him she immediately informed him that Mrs. Giacomo was with important clients and unavailable. Joe pretended to be surprised and disappointed.
“Is Jenna in?”
“Yes, she is.”
“Great, I’ll see her.”
Brittany gestured to the book, “Please sign the visitor’s log.”
Joe scrunched his nose, “Nah. I’m not playing that game.”
“Then I can’t allow you inside.”
“Are you going to stop me? Imagine when I resist and start running around making a loud crazy scene. Tina and her clients will love that.”
Brittany’s posture of authority sagged. Joe walked towards the stairs, looking around for Tina and her guests. When he reached the bottom of the stairs in the work studio, just outside Jenna’s office, there they were. Tina was showing two men and two women the kiln on the opposite side of the long narrow room. Jen was with them. She saw Joe first, smiled, and waved. Tina saw that gesture in her periphery and looked over. Joe felt a rush when they made eye contact. Her facial expression was priceless, a combination of surprise, WTF, and then sadness she had to immediately hide with a fake smile.
Joe went into Jen’s office and watched them from afar, Tina glancing over every so often. She led the group around the studio, introduced two artists, then moved toward the stairs Joe had just come down. As she passed the office door, Tina stopped for a moment and flashed Joe a WTF look at him.
He winced, “I thought I’d surprise you.”
Tina followed her guests back up to the gallery levels and Jen joined Joe in her office, closing the door behind her. She sat at her desk with a big smile.
“Your timing was perfect. Did you see the look on her face when she saw you?”
“Duh, I was looking right at her.”
“They have a noon reservation. I say we wait for them to get there and settled in. Then we go and ask for a table in her line of vision.”
“Are you sadistic? It seems everything you plan is to inflict pain. With friends like you…”
Jenna smiled, “When you have her back, you’ll thank me for being a cold ass bitch.”
“How about we go upstairs to be seen leaving together.”
Jenna grinned devilishly, “Now you’re catching on. Let’s go.”
On the gallery level, Tina and her visitors were in the conference room getting ready to leave for lunch. As Jenna and Joe passed the glass-walled room, they casually glanced over as Tina’s eyes followed them. Joe turned, smiled at T, and gave her a finger wave. She did not smile back.
“Let’s walk. We’ll take a long way there,” Jen said. She waved at Britanny. “We’re going to lunch, be back in an hour… or more.”
On the sidewalk, she turned to Joe and started laughing, “Did you see the look on her face when you waved? That was perfect.”
After a zig-zaggy walk through Soho discussing the business at hand. Jenna and Joe arrived at Tina’s favorite lunch spot. Jenna asked the hostess if they could sit in the back section. As she led them through the restaurant, they could see the semi-private room, separate from the main dining area, but open. Tall fake plants separated the rooms. Tina saw them walk in and duplicated her WTF expression.
When the hostess pointed to a table, Joe asked if they could have a different spot, gesturing toward another table. When he sat down, he had a clear line of vision to Tina. Jen sat ninety degrees from Joe, not across. She could see T with a slight turn of her head. It was perfect.
“So this is a three-day Dog and Pony Show?” Joe asked, “Who are these people?”
“It’s 48 hours, but yes, over three days. Tina wants to branch out into another venture, but her money is in the Gallery, and Troy’s legal problems have made a mess. You know how she and I dabble in fashion design?”
As Jenna spoke, Joe looked at his menu. He peaked over the top to see Tina watching him. He looked back at Jenna, “That’s how you met, in a fashion design class.”
“I was a Freshman and T was a Junior and a TA. And she was amazing. She helped everyone. We joked that Tina was better than Judy, the professor.”
“That’s because she took that class every year and knew the material.”
“She could have been a teacher. T would be a great teacher.”
The waitress took drink orders. As she did, Joe glanced over at Tina and made a sad face, and shrugged.
Jenna giggled. “Don’t taunt her.”
“I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.”
“I’m telling her I’m sad.”
“But you’re not sad.”
“Nope. I’m having fun.”
“Me too,” Jenna giggled again. “Anyway, she wants some seed money to have some of our clothing made; prototypes, and small runs so we can test the market. That’s the first step of her master plan.”
Joe glanced at Tina. She was talking to her guests. “What’s her second step.”
“That’s a long way off. I’m not even sure, but if she succeeds, it will be Amethyst Fashion or something like that. It’s women’s clothing, business and casual.”
When Joe looked at Tina again, her guests were talking and she was staring at him. Their eyes met. Jenna saw the connection in her periphery. “You keep looking at her,” Jen said, “And I’ll keep talking.”
Joe looked at Jenna, smiled, put his hand on his face, and laughed, leaning back as he did. Jenna knew it was fake. Tina thought Jenna just said something very funny.
Joe fake-tittered, “You realize she thinks we’re talking about her.”
“We are talking about her!”
Joe laughed again, this time for real.
The waitress delivered drinks and took their lunch orders. When she left Joe caught Tina looking at him again. He leaned into Jenna, “She’s drinking Coke. That must be killing her.” Joe held up his martini. Tina looked away.
“Don’t taunt her,” Jenna scolded him. “You’re on a train out of town tonight. I’ll have to deal with her wrath and whining alone.”
Once food arrived they focused on food and talked about possible plays they could use in the future. Joe fake laughed a few times when he noticed Tina’s eyes on him. Jenna did the same. Near the end of his ahi tuna lunch, Joe got up to use the men’s room.
Standing at the urinal, Joe heard the men’s room door open, close, and the lock click.
“What are you doing here, Joe?”
“Holy shit, T.” He looked over his shoulder. “What are you in here is a more interesting question.”
“Talking to you.” Tina’s hands were on her hips. “Why are you here?”
“I’m having lunch with, Jenna?” He kept peeing.
“Please, don’t be obtuse.”
For a moment, Joe considered turning with his cock hanging out. He laughed audibly thinking about it.
“What’s so funny? What’s not funny about this? Joe did an extended shake then zipped up. “Look, T. I tried to do a nice thing, taking a day away from my sisters to come visit you. ” He stepped to the sink and turned on the water. “You asked me to do this last Christmas. I wanted to surprise you. I didn’t know you were tied up.” He shrugged, reaching for a hand towel. “I tried.”
“I get that. Why did you have to come here?”
“I told Jen I came here to take you out to lunch and she said I can still have lunch with you. So we came here.”
“So you could tease me?”
“No.” Joe furrowed his brow, “This was so urgent you came in the men’s room. You locked the door, T. Are you sure you’re not here for something else?” he glanced at the bathroom stall.
“Don’t be an asshole.”
“But now you’re thinking of it.”
She rolled her eyes, “I am not.”
“How long do you think it would take for someone to bang on the door?”
“You can stop now. My guests are insisting we have dessert after I told them how good the baklava and pastries are. Why don’t you join us?”
“Dessert with those fossils?”
“Dessert with me.”
“I don’t know. I’ll ask Jenna.”
“Okay. Just come over and I’ll introduce you. I have to get back.” Tina turned, unlocked the door, and stood face to face with an old man investor. The look on his face was delicious, Tina paused, eye to eye, and then zip past him.
“Look, ” Joe pointed at the door and shouted down the hall, “They have little people to tell you which one is appropriate. He turned to the man. “The ladies room was packed, so she just ignored the rules.”
Near the hostess station, Tina stopped him. “Oh my God, this is awful.”
“No. I got you,” Joe smiled. “I told him the ladies’ room was occupied and you broke the rules because you really had pee.”
“Oh,” Tina leaned back, “That’s good… and quick thinking.”
Joe winked, “You owe me one.”
When Joe got back to the table he told Jenna everything. “There she is, while I’m pissng, doing her sitcom housewife impersonation, and I’m…”
“Her what?”
“When she puts her hands on her hips, indignant, like an offended TV housewife.”
Jenna laughed. Joe told her the rest of the story.
“Oh my God, ” Jenna covered her mouth, eyes wide. “John Rosenthal saw her come out of the men’s room? Oh my God.”
Joe flashed a Grinch smile, “It was fucking great.” Then he told her the end of his men’s room story.
Jen looked at Joe with caring eyes, “You always protect her.” She sighed. “So, she wants us to come over?”
“Yeah,” Joe smiled. “Well played T. and the right play for us is to decline her invitation, right?”
Jenna smiled. “I was thinking the same thing. Besides, I can’t do what she does. The schmoozing is too much for me. It’s fake.”
“Ass kissers are irritating, but no more than those who need their butts smooched.”
“That’s why I don’t hang with her happy hour crew. It’s all, ‘you’re great. No, you’re the best. I love what you do. I love you more.’ I can’t do that.”
“And then Ramona talks shit behind your back, like how she told me you’re not social and don’t network.”
“Ramona’s a bitch!” Jenna said too loud, “Thanks to you they finally realized it.”
“That wasn’t my intention. I just stated what I had observed that night.”
The waitress left their check at the table. Joe saw Tina looking over and shrugged. She looked away. Joe paid the tab. He and Jenna left with Tina’s eyes following them.
On the walk back to the gallery, they laughed about Tina’s obvious distraction from her business and her frustration. Jenna then reiterated the long-term plan; come to New York, don’t fuck Tina, limit phone contact, and tell her about the amazing Jasmine.
“Hey,” Joe stopped in his tracks, “why don’t you tell her about Jas?”
“Why me?”
“What is she going to ask you when her guests leave?”
The lightbulb lit over Jenna’s head, “I see. When she asks what we talked about, that’s the big news.”
“I’ll be unreachable in Providence. She can chew on that info for days before she can call me.”
Jenna flashed her evil smile and resumed walking, leaning against Joe. “I can use that time to tell her how your life in LA is so good, and now you have a girl.” She looked up at Joe. “We make a good team.”
A half block from the gallery Joe hugged Jenna. “I have a train to catch.”
She looked up at him. “This was fun. Thank you for coming to visit me. It means a lot, Joe.” Jenna kissed him on the cheek and walked away. Joe watched her from behind, for several seconds
— 1995 —
Joe flew home on Monday, January 2. At nine o’clock Tuesday morning, his phone rang.
“I cannot believe you came here and I didn’t get to see you, again?”
“I’m pretty sure watching me piss is seeing me.”
“About that, I should have waited outside, and thank you for the save.”
“That was a diving skate save,” Joe smiled, “with the game on the line.”
“I know, but you came to the Bistro to tease me. I know you did. Don’t even deny it. That is so like you.”
“Believe what you wish, T.”
“And you’ve been seeing someone for a year and didn’t think to tell me that?”
“It’s not serious.”
“A year, Joe. That’s serious.”
“Jenna really yakked it up. Did she tell you anything else?”
“You and her at The Cairo.” Then Tina made a silly mocking voice, “And everything is so bright and sunny for you in California. It never rains on your life.”
“Ya. I do have a good life. And Jen was awfully chatty when we hung out, confessing little secrets, and then she sees you and confesses more. What’s up with Jenna? Did you get her drunk?”
“No. We talked in my office, during lunch. And it seems you were confessing to her too, about your girl.”
“Look, T. I’m not going to apologize for trying to do something nice, taking a train to visit you, and then striking out.”
“So, tell me about this girl.”
“She’s not a girl and her name is Jasmine,” Joe said in a kurt tone. Then he waited a second, thinking of how he wanted to play this. He didn’t want twenty questions, so he crafted his words so Tina wouldn’t want to hear more about this girl in LA.
“Jasmine is incredible,” he said. “I told you all about her, last year, before she and I reconnected. We’ve known each other for almost five years, so it’s easy to just be with her. I told you we’ve always had a mutual crush. She’s beautiful and passionate and super smart.”
“Yes, you told me, cancer research.”
“She works with children’s hospitals and kids in cancer treatment. It takes a special kind of person to do that work. She’s kind and caring. Jas is an angel.”
“So why aren’t you serious?”
“I’d like to be. I’m crazy about her, and I’m working on T. She could be the one.” Joe paused for the finale, “And the sex is fucking fantastic. You wouldn’t believe… ”
“Okay.” Tina interrupted. “I’m good. I get it. Jasmine is fantastic.”
“Yeah, she is.”
There was a quiet moment before Tina said the next thing.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch enough lately. I don’t even have an excuse. But ya know, we’ve had some problems, and it’s been hard.”
“What’s it been, three and half years since that Beacon Theater show? From that day I said you’re the married one, you set the rules. You have to decide what we have here. I know I’ve cut you off a couple of times, but I always come back. You set the boundaries T. I’m just along for the ride taking what you give me.”
“I’ll try harder,” she said softly. “I do miss you. My life is so messed up right now. I know you don’t want to hear about Troy’s troubles… but fuck! His attorneys are filing motion after motion, delaying at every turn, just moving the inevitable down the calendar. It feels like it’s never going to end.”
“Those lawyers bill by the hour. They’re happy to drag it out and take your money before the Feds take his millions. Also, T. You can end this any time you want. You choose to stay.”
“I knew you were going to say that. Why do I bring him up?”
“I have no idea because I always have the same take.”
“Yes, you do. I have to go. When you come to town, at least let me know so I can decide if I have time to see you. I always try, Joe. I love you.”
“Okay. I love you too.”
Joe couldn’t wait to hear from Jenna about how Tina took his glowing review of Jasmine.