“I’m not going to apologize for having needs. I masturbate way more often than we fuck. It’s kind of messed up. If I want that release I take care of my needs.”
“Same here,” Joe said low.
“I feel bad that you’re alone. Are you lonely?”
“I have moments, but not often. I’m fine, T. I can go without sex… until I meet the right woman. Hey, does Troy know you masturbate?”
“He caught me once.”
Joe laughed, “That must have been emasculating, busting your wife doing herself when you’re right there, in the next room.”
“He was distraught. Now I do it when he’s not home, or I’ll take a bath and he can’t see under bubbles.”
“How often?”
“It varies, but only a few times a week.”
“I’ve had stretches when I jack it every day for weeks.”
“I’ve done that too. Sometimes I need it more.”
“Are we having phone sex again? Did you just trick me?”
“No, Joe, we’re just talking. I can’t believe you go so long without a woman. You’re a very sensual man.”
“If I was desperate I could hook up, but I don’t do that here.”
“You told me long ago that you could find pussy on the boardwalk, but you don’t do hookups in your hood.”
“That’s true. The thing is, T, I haven’t had many long-term relationships. You and I were together for five years, Jas and I had two years, and Isabelle was sixteen months. I’ve had lots of dry spells in my life.”
“I’ve had a few,” Tina said quietly.
“Well, you and I had a good run, but you’ve been with Troy a lot longer than you were with me. He’s the love of your life.”
Tina ignored that dig.
“You’ve had twelve years in committed relationships,” Joe added, “not many droughts.”
“Between you and Troy there were a few, and to be honest, he and I have had some rough patches when I had no interest in being with him. Most marriages have ups and downs.”
“You’re not diddling yourself right now, are you?”
“No. I’m not, but if you want to talk dirty to me, I’ll take care of myself.”
Joe didn’t answer.
“Or I could talk dirty to you while you jerk off. I’m flexible. We could both get off and then sleep like babies.”
“As I said before, T. You are a shameless siren, a temptress. I appreciate the offer, but no. I’m good.”
Tina exhaled. “Hey, I took a shot, but you’re no fun anymore. So where are you taking Mila for lunch?”
“I haven’t decided, but someplace close to home.”
“I have to get some sleep. Good luck with Mila. I’m looking forward to reading what she thinks of you.”
“Goodnight, T. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
The following morning while jogging along the boardwalk, shopkeepers opening their doors all down the beach, Joe pondered his situation. He was back in 1993, before he hooked up with Jasmine. He’s alone, feeling shitting, one day blurs into another, having phone sex with T.
He turned east, onto the Venice Beach Pier, fisherman held poles with lines over the rail. Joe had to jog around buckets of bait and coolers.
It was dawning on Joe that nothing had changed since then. He was muttering to himself as he came to rest at the end of the pier looking over the Pacific.
“Fuck,” he said, hand on the rail, trying to catch his breath. “Jenna was right. I’m back to square one.” He looked to the sky. “And I haven’t even fucked T.”