Rain by DB86,DB86

I carefully got out of bed and went out for a walk. My phone chimed, and I looked at the screen. It was a text from Lukas.

“Gutten abend, liebe Rain. I hope everything is okay with you and Rolf. I really didn’t mean to cause any trouble between you two.”

“Yes, everything is okay, Lukas. Can you pick me up tomorrow?”

“Sure. Where are we going?”

I hesitated for a moment, and then typed, “To have myself checked.”

“Did Rolf do something do to you?”

“No, of course not!. He is a very sweet person. I just–I need to go.”

“What changed?”

“Did you fall out of love with this Rolf guy?”

It would have been easy to answer ‘yes’, but I didn’t want to say more lies, so I typed, “No.”

“So I was right. You’re in love with him?”

“You’re so annoying!”

“You love him, and even so you’re leaving him,” Lukas insisted.

I looked at the screen for a while.

“You know why. I can let him fall for me.”

Another text chimed in.

“Does he know why you are leaving him?”

“No. He’ll never know. It will kill him.”

“You truly care about this guy.”

“Yes, I will. That’s why I have to leave before our relationship gets too serious, and he ends with a broken heart.”

“I think it’s too late for that. I saw the love in his eyes, and I think in yours too. I am not sure running away is a good idea. Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Yes. This is what I want. Are you going to help me or not?”

“You know I’ll do. But if Rolf loves you like I think he does, he won’t care.”

“I know. That’s why I have to leave. I can’t drag Rolf into what is certain to be months of pain and misery. I can’t.”

“I think you’re making a big mistake. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, though. Just text me when you are ready.”

I went back to Rolf’s place and climbed into our bed. I was lucky he was a heavy sleeper. I wrapped my arms around him and let the tears stream until exhaustion finally won, and I fell asleep.

***

The next morning, Rolf woke up and got ready to drive to Seattle again. I couldn’t help but think that this was going to be our last time together.

I was going to miss him.

Rolf opened his mouth a few times, testing the words before he spoke. “I-I’m sorry if you thought I was angry at you. I’m not. I had no right to act like I did.”

I looked at him, a reassuring smile on my face

“We talked and sorted things out. We are good, Rolf.”

He moved closer, his eyes roaming over my face as if he was seeing me for the first time, searching for something in my features.

“You have this light inside you like you’ve swallowed the sun or a whole star or something. You’re so happy and alive. I became addicted to you.”

I touched his face, a spark running through my body from the warmth of his skin as I cupped his jaw. “We’re all alive. We all have light inside us. We’re all living, breathing people who are lucky enough to be alive, right now, on this planet floating through space. Pretty amazing if you think about it.”

He moved his head up and down. “You look at the world with a child’s eyes. One of your many charms.”

“Now you’re sweet-talking me,” I said, while I playfully punched his arm.

“I want to kiss you.” His words, which tumbled in a low growl from his lips, stunned me. I could see by the way his eyes rounded that he’d surprised himself, as well.

“We have kissed. Many times. You never asked my permission before.”

“I know, but somehow I felt I should ask today. Something feels different…”

“If he knew.”

“Maybe, if I kissed him hard enough, I could chase away the sadness from his eyes. Perhaps I could remind him his life was still worth to be lived, even if I wasn’t part of it anymore.”

My arms came up to circle his shoulders, my fingers sliding into his hair as I tilted my head back, welcoming his mouth to mine. His lips were full and warm, and they slanted against mine.

His arms came around me, lifting me to the tips of my toes as he deepened the kiss, sliding his mouth across mine and drawing my tongue tentatively into a wanton dance with his. A small sound escaped me, like a contented sigh, and I felt his arms tighten around me, drawing me closer.

When the kiss broke, we remained close. I struggled to catch my breath.

The pulse in my throat still raced. I didn’t think I’d ever been kissed in a way that left me slightly dizzy before.

At least our last kiss was a good one.

“I’ll see you tonight, Rain,” he said, closing the door behind him.

I just nodded and waved.

I stood there watching the door for a long time. Then, I dragged myself to the bedroom and packed my stuff. I didn’t take much time. I always travel light. After all, I was the queen of moving.

I hated goodbyes, didn’t see the point of them, since they only made people feel sad and reminded them of how finite everything in life was.

“Better to just leave,” I told myself, “no sad, drawn-out goodbyes, leave while the memories are still good and ones to be cherished.”

I’d never made a commitment really to anyone or anything, but I could feel myself getting close with Rolf, and it scared the life out of me.

I texted Lukas, and he was at the door quicker than expected. I climbed into his car and let out a long sigh. Hot tears of pain pricked up in my eyes.

“Are you sure about this, Rain?”

“Yes, it’s for the best.”

“You didn’t tell him?” Lukas couldn’t help the accusation in his voice. I didn’t blame Lukas for confronting me, for making me answer questions I didn’t want to answer.

“No,” I said, keeping my voice as light as possible. “It’s not something I share with people voluntarily. The only reason why you know is because I got sick while I was staying with you and your family, and you took me to a hospital before I woke up.”

“Rolf looks like a great guy. I am sure he’ll understand.”

Tears escaped, flowing slowly and steadily for several minutes before giving way to huge, soul-wracking sobs.

“I’ve never seen you so happy, so in love–“