Robin Frazer was gazing intently at the screen of the PC in the bedroom. Every now and then, he let out a little sob of pleasure as he stroked his penis through his jeans. The images on the screen were obscene, lewd, shocking, and outrageously naughty. There were pictures of Rob kneeling on the bed, his bare bottom facing the camera. In another picture he lay face down on the bed, submissive and feminine, dressed in white stockings and suspenders. There were others. Rob masturbating facing the camera, his face a mask of passion and slutty abandon. One detail dominated these images and Rob’s senses.
It was the carrot jammed up his bottom.
He felt a sense of fear looking at his pictures. It was risky looking at the images he’d produced the previous day, when Bernie could walk in at any moment. Looking at his own naked body in such degrading poses was just such a pull, a magnetic compulsion in him. There was something about being with Bernie, an undercurrent, an unnamed something between them that he felt and struggled to name. As their relationship had developed, the love deepened and with it, the passionate adoration that Rob felt Bernie. Rob had spoke of his growing love for Bernie with his therapist and in the week since this session, a knot in his tummy had been building. Old thoughts and feelings had begun to bubble up. They frightened him, they thrilled and aroused him beyond measure. He knew there was real and honest desire in what he felt. Shame and conflict raged in him.
“What would Bernie say if he saw me like this?” His mind raced. “What would Bernie think of me? He’d think I’m a slut, the kind of man who can’t control himself, a filthy little man whore.” He was perfectly aware that his thoughts and feelings were locked in fight or flight. He was just experiencing an episode of shame after posing for and creating these pictures and he had kind of expected the kickback. He knew that he hadn’t really done anything wrong or bad. It was what society had taught him. ‘Sex is dirty, gay men having sex is sick and wrong.’ A man who enjoys being penetrated by other men or enjoys his bottom erotically is even worse. A man who enjoys displaying his sexuality to others and looking like a slut? A man who enjoys the thought of experiencing pain inflicted on himself or others for sexual pleasure? Rob was growing in his understanding that he was all of these things and as his therapy progressed, along with his relationship with Bernie, it had become harder and harder for him to bottle up his desire and need to be fully himself with his new partner.
Bernie stepped out of the bathroom and headed into the bedroom, as Rob quickly snapped out of his reverie and hurriedly turned off the monitor on the computer. Bernie was dressing. Rob took a deep breath, screwing up all of his courage. “Darling can I show you something?”
“What’s up love? Hey, what’s the matter? Come and sit on the bed with me” Bernie was concerned, because Rob looked really scared. “Come here, sit with me, take my hand, I’m here”. Rob sat next to him.
“Bernie, I want you to look at these pictures I made yesterday and tell me what you think.” He was trembling.
Bernie was really unsettled now. What could be so terrible? “Show me” he said gently. Rob clicked the mouse, moving slowly through the images, forcing himself to take his time and allow his boyfriend to take the images in. Bernie sat, stunned and speechless for a moment. Then he spoke. “Bloody hell Rob! You look amazing! Rob, these pictures are incredible!” He grinned, shocked and delighted. “You filthy minx! I had no idea you had such a dirty mind, it’s adorable and really, really hot! You look so vulnerable and yet so rude, lewd and kinky as fuck! These are filthy! I ought to put you over my knee and give you a good spanking.” Rob emitted a low cry, a noise of shame and naked desire. Bernie stared, surprised. “You want me to spank you?”
Rob hugged Bernie tightly, trembling still and feeling like he wanted to cry. “Bernie, I would love you to spank me. Please. Put me over your knee and tan my arse for me. You could use the spatula, the wooden one in the kitchen draw”.
Bernie’s senses whirled. “I don’t know Rob. I’m really turned on right now and a part of me just wants to go ahead and do exactly that. Those pictures are so hot. You’re so hot. But I’m not sure what it would mean for us. I love you and I don’t want to fuck it up for us, I’ve never felt the way I feel about you with anyone.”
Rob shook his head pleadingly. “Please Bernie, it’s okay, I want you to. I can stop you if it gets too much for me. I’ve read a bit on the internet. About BDSM. About spanking. There a thing called the traffic light system and it’s like red is stop immediately, yellow is slow down and green is let me have it! Please Bernie, trust me. Do you want to? I have this fantasy, I’ve had it all my life, but maybe you’re just not into that?” There was a pause.
Bernie thought for a moment. “I need a minute to stop and think about this. I love the idea of having you over my knee and spanking your cute little arse. I don’t know. Let me make us a drink. Do you want a tea?”
“Yeah, okay”. Rob sat, anxious and uncertain. He practised his breathing.
“Back in a minute.” Bernie left the room.
Rob waited quietly. He was still scared but the trembling had subsided. “Will Bernie go for this? He wondered. “What if he doesn’t? What would that mean for us? His anxiety rose again. “I have to be me. I love Bernie, he’s lovely, kind, strong and clever and I love him so much. What if he thinks I’m weird, what if we’re just too different in what we need?
Downstairs, similar thoughts raced through Bernie’s mind as he made tea. Would spanking his sweetheart change their relationship? What would happen if he didn’t spank Rob? What would be worse?
Bernie came back with the tea. “Let’s do this. Do the traffic light thing. See what happens. We can talk afterwards” Rob noticed the spatula in Bernie’s hand.
“Oh my god!” He said aloud. “Bernie, I don’t care about the tea. Fuck the tea! Oh my god! I’m going to get spanked! On my bare bottom…please Bernie!” Rob was flushed in the face and breathing hard. That did it for Bernie.
“Take your pants and trousers off.” Rob stripped from the waist down. “Over my knee Rob. Now.” Bernie ordered. Rob lay prone over Bernie’s knee. As he lay naked over Bernie’s lap, he felt a thrill of fear, arousal and vulnerable exposure. He shut his eyes and tried to relax, taking slow breaths. He was frightened but he also knew that he really wanted this. Rob had been turned on by the thought of being spanked since before he had even reached puberty and understood that it was a deep sexual and emotional need he had. Something wired into his personality. Until now he had never shared his desire with anyone else. He thought about the traffic light rules and he felt calmer and strangely, more turned on than ever.
“I need this.” He thought “I’m ready”.
Bernie spoke “Rob. It seems to me that you are a very, very naughty boy. You’ve shown me that you have a lewd desire to exhibit yourself like a tart and apparently, you also enjoy the idea of having your bottom paddled with a spatula. This is inexcusable. Disgraceful!” Bernie scolded. Rob sobbed with arousal on hearing Bernie’s words. “But worse than this, much worse than this Rob, you have been denying yourself the joy of being naughty, of being the naughty, playful, sexy, sweet man you are. It’s time you were punished don’t you think? Ask me for your punishment. What do you want Rob? What do you need? To Bernie’s amazement, Rob was actually dry humping his lap.