Maybe I could start with the basics?
“So…you’re a photographer? That must be nice.” Inwardly, I cringe at myself. It’s basic all right, and it sounded forced. I don’t have anything in common with this guy. I honestly won’t blame him if he shuts the conversation down before it even starts. Maybe silence would have been better-
“I am.” he replies, to my surprise. Even had I not turned to look his way, I would’ve known he was was smiling; it’s in his tone. “And it is nice most of the time, even when I’m trying to get myself out of chaotic situations with clients. Sorry about that, by the way. I can’t imagine how crazy that must have been for you. Oh, wow. I’m so sorry. I haven’t even asked you your name.”
His eyes tear away from the slow traffic ahead of us and look over at me expectantly. He was still smiling.
Even though I usually work in the back managing and arranging orders, I’d had to deal with plenty of customers at the shop. Being friendly to snobs and rich people takes a toll, but I’d mostly gotten used to it.. What most people might not expect is that getting fake friendliness back is almost as exhausting. Fake smiles suck, especially when they’re coming from people that you know would never give you the time of day out on the street.
But this guy, his smile seemed so…genuine. I felt like he actually liked me – or at least didn’t mind me.
“Brielle. I’m Brielle. And you’re Milan, right?”
“That’s right,” He nods. “Earlier wasn’t the most traditional first meeting, so I’m glad we’re getting a do-over.”
“I’ve never really been one to follow tradition, so you don’t have to worry about that with me. But I have to admit, you did throw me off guard. Is your work usually like that?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“Eh, it can vary. Some days can be less wild than others. But every now and then I get those moments when things get a little crazy. Kind of like today.”
I chuckle. “Sounds a little exciting…and exhausting.”
“I’ll be honest, it really doesn’t seem like it’s exciting at the moment, but ‘exhausting’ definitely sounds right. Only when I tell the story to someone else does it sound like some kind of an adventure.” He turns his attention back to the road just as traffic begins to move forward, but keeps the conversation going. “Is the flower shop like that for you?”
I sit silently for a second, mentally running through my time spent working at Monika’s business. It hasn’t been terrible, but it certainly hasn’t been exciting.
“I think the most eventful thing it can get at the shop is probably with my co-workers. They can be pretty dramatic. Today was definitely no exception, hence why I was late. She was crying about some guy trouble and I…well, I couldn’t even help her. I mean I think I helped with her self-esteem. But as far as her guy trouble? I for damn sure didn’t do much with that.”
He grunts, “I don’t blame you on that. I’m not good at relationship advice myself. Photography? Yes. putting puzzle pieces and contraptions together? Yes. but how to maintain relationships 101? Absolutely not. I tried to help my friend out with it once and his girl didn’t talk to him for a week.”
“So do you prefer relationships that are more on the superficial side?”
“Superficial?” Milan looks over to me in question. “What do you mean?”
“Something on the surface that doesn’t have too much depth or requires you to commit to anyone or anything. “I explain.
“Wow,” he grins. “That’s a lot to throw at someone.”
“I guess I don’t always like beating around the bush and rather just outright ask it,” I shrug. “Unless you prefer not to talk about it.”
“No, I actually like that. I think I can handle a conversation about my preferences.” he laughs. ” I don’t think I’d call it that. It’s just what’s convenient for me at the moment. So maybe a temporary preference? What about you though? You got a preference?”
The question threw me off for a bit. Not because I find it inappropriate given the circumstance. I just tended to go with the flow of things, and if it got too complicated, I moved along.
But that was prior to being with the father of my child, Marcellus. Even with him, it hadn’t been a relationship built on a stable foundation. We were consistent in certain ways with each other but I never felt we were completely in sync with one another. But it was fine. The sex had been decent, so I just dealt with it.
“I dunno, “I answered truthfully. “I mean, I’ve never had a solid relationship. More so acquaintances. Maybe I don’t mind occasional sex”
“Doesn’t sound like it’s much of a preference for you though.”
My brow arches at him.
I don’t feel the need to get defensive at Milan. If anything, I find it a little amusing. So, I entertain it.
“How so?”
“You don’t sound satisfied, is what I mean.”
I fall silent, peering out the window and watching the cityscape scenery slowly go by. I never really sat with my thoughts and considered that possibility.
Me, not being satisfied with what Marcelles and I had? I can’t see why that would be the case cause if I wasn’t satisfied with that, what else was there for me to want? And Why else would I go along with it?
Then again maybe I wasn’t entirely ok with it. Maybe what my new acquaintance said had some truth to it. It would have explained why I stuck with Marcellus so long. Prior to him, I never tended to stay with anyone for a prolonged period of time. It didn’t matter if things went good or bad. But there was something about Marcellus’s approach that made me stick around.
I wasn’t in love with him I knew, but I did appreciate the times he’d been present…that is up until I told him I was pregnant. After that, he showed his true colors.
Like most men tend to do I suppose.
The rest of the ride is rather quiet. Only this time comfortably so. I imagine I exhausted his social battery which was fine since I didn’t have much to say myself.
That is until Milan turned to me once he pulled up in a parking spot near the train station.
“I didn’t tick you off or anything did I? ”
“No,” I stared at him quizzically. “How could you have done that?”
“By running my mouth.” He chuckled. “My aunt tells me as attentive as I can be. I don’t always take people’s feelings into consideration when I speak. So, I’m sorry if I said something that made you withdraw or anything.”
To my slight annoyance, I couldn’t help but be a little taken back at his care.
Had my relationship with men in the past been so tumultuous that I got easily amazed at a man being considerate of my feelings?
At my age of 31 no less.
“You’re fine,” I say with a smile. I place my hand on the door, but before pushing it open I speak to him, “I just get lost in thought a lot. But maybe you’re right about the whole preference thing. I mean I don’t know if I don’t want to indulge in casual sex any more. But I can’t really bring myself to get into it now.”
“You said cant. Like it’s impossible. “His brows furrow, “any reason why?”
Impossible? No. while I didn’t see myself warding off sex completely, I didn’t see myself being intimate for a while. My last arrangement with the Marcellus had done something to me to put me off. It could have had something to do with him bailing out on me with a child.