From then on, his jealousy and controlling behavior only got worse. He would always check my phone and social media, and would get angry if I talked to anyone other than him. If we ever went out, he would constantly accuse me of flirting with other guys, even if it wasn’t true. I felt trapped and suffocated, but I was too afraid to leave him.
It wasn’t until I turned 18 that things took a darker turn. He started physically abusing me, hitting me whenever he was angry or when he thought I was “disobeying” him. I would always try to defend myself, but he was much stronger than me. One time, he hit me so hard that I fell to the ground and passed out. When I woke up, he acted like nothing had happened and said I must have “tripped” or “fainted.”
The emotional abuse was just as bad. He would constantly belittle me, make fun of my appearance, and say hurtful things to me. He made me believe that I was worthless and that no one else would ever want me. I felt like a prisoner in my own home, and I was too scared to tell anyone about what was happening.
But the worst of it was the sexual abuse. One night, I had told him that I was tired and wanted to go to sleep, but he insisted that we have sex. When I refused, he told me to shut up and said that I owed it to him because he had spent a lot of money on me that day. He proceeded to forcefully take off my clothes and raped me. I cried the whole time, but he didn’t stop. This went on for an hour, and when he was done, he told me to wash the sheets while he took a shower. I was filled with rage and wanted to hurt him, but I pushed those thoughts away. However, the abuse continued for three more years until I finally gathered the courage to leave him when I was 22.
I have only told my best friend and sister about what happened to me, and this is only the third time I am sharing my story. I am now in a new relationship, but I am scared to tell my boyfriend what I have been through because I fear his judgment. My abusive relationship started when I was a naive 15-year-old, and I never want anyone else to go through what I did.