THE FIRST TIME by Miru
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This is my first experience in sexuality. , This happened about 16 years ago, when I was ten at the time. My first time was interesting, to say the least, but I only do because it was with my father, and I was so young. Although I remember a lot of it, there are still details that have become fuzzy, or forgotten, however there are still things that, even at that age become burnt into the mind forever. I will do my best to retell my first time. 


Close to my ninth birthday, my mother left. She would often say how her life sucked. I remember that every time when I was around her, she’d be complaining about this and that, and it all revolved around her. She would often degrade me in front of people, and in private. I was never allowed to be good, or achieve when she was around because it always had to be her who was better than everyone else. So, one day she left. No notice, or anything. In later years I learned from my father that she left to Texas to be with some guy she met online. He found out because the man dumped her and she tried to crawl back to my father, only to be rejected. He had found someone else by then. His son. 


I remember crying on my birthday, and most nights. I was young then and didn’t understand what was going on, nor why I wasn’t loved. That’s how I felt, of course. Unloved, but he’d find ways to make it up to me for her. Gifts, and more time spent with him, even trips to places I wanted to go, but when she was around we couldn’t. It was nice that we began to bond like that in the face of something negative, to build a more positive relationship with my father. That changed, however, something innocent became something more.


One night, around June, I remember, my father, who was pretty average in height, about 5’10” and a slim build, though he did have some muscle from his work. I don’t remember what he did then, only that one day he came home early and then three months later and a new apartment after he found another job. Money was really tight in that period, but love was always in an abundant supply, I made sure of that, even though I didn’t quite grasp the concept of what could have happened had he remained jobless. 


Anyway, on the night it began I had been ten for three months. We would normally watch television together, whether it was a show for him, or me. I always liked watching the shows he liked because it was some kind of secret insider into my father. I never really understood the programs, but I felt like an adult watching them with him. I would rest my head in his lap and he’d caress my hair, or cheek until I fell asleep. This time, however, he had forgotten to take a few things out of his pant pocket on the thigh I would lay on and so it was uncomfortable. I just nuzzled my head further in his lap, over his crotch. It seemed innocent to me, because I didn’t know anything about that. He didn’t really care, or take notice, but as he continued to watch television, I noticed a subtle growth pressing upward against my cheek. I remember thinking it was a pretty big bulge at the time, and kind of odd, but fun. I pressed against it with my head, nuzzling into it, again being innocent and curious. This made him moan, at the time I thought he was just making some unintelligible gesture to the television. He caressed the side of my body from cheek to hip and then back up. My father then gently lifted my head and rested it back on his outer thigh, but noticing my discomfort, he let me lay on his bulging crotch again. I guess not having anyone so physically close, let alone touch such a sensitive area sparked an erection within him, even if he didn’t mean it to.


I was a pretty curious kid at the time though, so I even reached underneath my cheek, as if to rest my hand under my head and rubbed it gently, but very subtly. I squeezed and tried to feel what it was. It wasn’t as jagged and uncomfortable as his wallet, which is what was in his pant pocket. It was soft, but still firm. He took note of this and promptly sat me next to him, he apologized and said something to the degree that he wasn’t feel well and it was probably best I didn’t lay on him. I asked him what it was. I knew that was were boys penises were, but his was so large and hard, I was used to just mine, small at the time and rarely worth noticing when erect. I had an average penis for kids at the time, at least that’s what i thought because I didn’t have anyone to compare it to.


He told me it was his penis, but i protested. I told him it felt so big. It was all so harmless, my intentions, I remember. I know looking back he was probably pretty uncomfortable being getting an erection because of his son’s touch and then having to find some way to get it off his kid’s mind. His kid who was curious about it. “Yours will be like it too, just when you’re older.” He told me, but as he did I reached out and touched his bulge again. I began to rub it as if I were trying to feel the outline of his cock. Trying to confirm what he was saying. My small fingers found the zipper and I nearly drew them down when he took my hand away.


That was all for the night, he told me, but I was drawn to his crotch now. It was on my mind for the rest of the night. I don’t remember why exactly, maybe some inclination of homosexuality within me, or just child-like curiosity, but I needed to see my father’s cock to believe it. I wanted to see what my own penis would look like when I got to his age. It quickly became an obsession nearly overnight. I even thought of going into his bedroom when he slept, because I knew he slept in just his boxers. I would go in and see his penis, just see it. Nothing else. I didn’t though.


The following evening, nothing had really transpired. Not like the last night, and even not between us. He was quiet, and a little reclusive. He would ask me how school was and if I needed help with my math homework, which was the only class I had a hard time with. I had finished it early because I wanted to spend more quality time with him, in his lap; with my father’s grown penis. I felt a little alone that night, and the next few nights. I think two, but maybe three. It ended when I woke up one evening and had to use the bathroom to pee. We had a small two bedroom apartment at the time with one bathroom, so when I got to the door and opened it, he was in the shower. I should have heard the noise and seen the light beneath the door, but I was preoccupied with needing to go that I just forgot the world around me. I’m still a pretty pensive kid. You could throw a ball at me and I wouldn’t notice until after the pain kicked in.


The shower had a glass door, so it was foggy and slightly transparent. My father was a little jolted, I think, but it was just his kid. He realized it was better I just go and then head to bed than make me wait. He told me it was all right when I apologized. My penis already out and going. I tried really hard while there to see him. It was foggy and there were very few clear sections where his hands, or other parts of his body touched the glass door. I could see the outline of his head and chest, even a little bit of his ass when he would move back toward the shower head. I wanted him to turn around so it would be a view of his penis that I could see instead.