“So, I’d like to suggest something if that is OK with you.”
Martha had barely been breathing as Mike had spoken. This was more than she could have possibly hoped for. Mike being willing to talk was like a miracle from heaven. However, she didn’t want to sound too anxious.
“Of course, Mike, I’d love to hear your suggestion.”
• “I propose a series of four meetings, once a week for the next month. Either party can stop after any meeting and not continue. I think the first two are no brainers. The first week I’ll come with my questions and comments for you. The second week you do the same. If we’re still talking, we can figure out meetings three and four.
• “I also want to suggest a two-hour time limit. I’d like to spend thirty minutes just catching up on family matters and life in general. The last ninety minutes can be spent in the important issue of moving toward forgiveness.”
• “Next, I recommend a semi-private location for both our sakes. This could get heated as we dig up hurts so we shouldn’t be completely alone. However, a café or restaurant is too much. I think one of the picnic tables towards the back of the park by the lake would be a good spot. Plenty of dog walkers or joggers in case you get mad and try to drown me, but nobody close enough to eavesdrop on our conversations.”
• “Lastly, I hope we can keep this from the kids for a while. I know we’ve both talked to Sally and Jim in generalities, but neither of us, as far as I know have talked about any of this with MJ and Pam. No point calling too much attention to this.” (MJ was short for Michael Junior)
“That’s all I have, what do you think?”
“It sounds good and right to me Mike. To be completely honest, and please feel free to fact check me on this, I have spoken with Sally. I told her my intentions to ask your forgiveness on the morning I asked her to forgive my terrible treatment of my family. I didn’t give her any details, and unless you’ve shared it with her, she knows nothing of our conversations to this point.”
Mike was pleasantly surprised to hear Martha share her desire for grace from others in the family whom she hurt. While deeper trust was a long way off, if it ever came, he had no trouble believing what she just told him.
“No need to check you on that Martha. I take your word for it. You have no reason to lie to me about that. Do you have any suggestions to my plan? It’s also perfectly fine if you want to think it over and get back to me. It’s the 27th today so I suggest we begin next week. You tell me what evening is good for you and I’ll make it work on my schedule. I have no business trips on the horizon so I should be fine with whatever works for you.”
“I have nothing to add Mike, although I appreciate you giving me time to sleep on it. If I come up with anything that I think is worth mentioning, I’ll call you if that is OK with you.”
“Fine Martha, I look forward to our conversations… I think…” Mike concluded somewhat cautiously.
Martha laughed at the obvious discomfort they both felt for good reason. “Yeah, me too! Bye Mike”
Martha called Mike late the next afternoon. She had no changes just a couple of clarifications. She proposed they meet at 5 PM the next two Wednesday’s. The sun was going down sooner as fall moved on, so it would be almost dark by 6:30. She also suggested Mike let her bring a light meal and a bottle of wine to the first two visits. Mike agreed to her providing food but insisted on bringing the wine. Martha saw that as another hopeful sign. Plus, Mike was actually a level 2 CMS certified Sommelier. He’d spent two years in France during college and knew his wines!
“This may end in disaster, she thought to herself clicking off her call with Mike, “But at least I’ll be in good spirits when it blows up!”
Their first conversation began at one of the more secluded spots at the local park. They picked a table slightly hidden from view by several medium to large oak trees. About nine months before MJ was born, they’d enjoyed a picnic at this very spot. They’d also enjoyed each other’s bodies which may have explained the timing of MJ’s arrival into the world. Neither spoke of this, but it wasn’t lost on them either. Martha had pulled pork sandwiches, her homemade potato salad, sliced red tomatoes and some strawberries she’d frozen earlier the previous summer. She brought some whip cream for the berries, remembering their sexually charged previous picnic here about 28 years ago. If she recalled correctly, whip cream was what had started the shenanigans.
Mike knew intuitively Martha would pick a red meat this time of fall so he brought a very nice bottle of Chateau Montelena 2013 Cabernet. Most of the 20-teens had been spectacular years for both Napa and Sanoma. The crew at CM always did a nice job, but 2013 was one of their best efforts in recent memory.
They enjoyed the meal and small talk about the kids, Emily, work and where they were volunteering their time in the community. Neither seemed anxious to get to the most important aspect of the evening, but when Mike looked at his watch and saw it was 5:29, he switched gears.
“Well, we better get to it Martha. I’m glad we could chat casually, but obviously we need to talk about the elephant in the room if the goal is to find a way forward that isn’t defined by hurt and hate. First, let me say I have no interest in hearing the sexual details of your affair. I don’t need to know where and when, if he was bigger or better or anything of that sort. I’m confident in who I am and how I treated you. Laying out lurid aspects of your unfaithfulness will only hurt, not help.”
Mike continued, “Martha, I was a good husband to you. I worked my ass off to get ahead but never at the expense of our relationship. I was home evenings and weekends. I was engaged with our kids from day one, but always put our relationship ahead of being a dad. I knew if we were good, the kids would be fine. I wasn’t perfect, far from it. I know I could be stubborn and unreasonable at times.”
“Occasionally, I’m ashamed to say, I had a short fuse with you. But dammit, I never gave you any reason of which I know to betray me and crush my heart like you did. So, I don’t care about the sex. That is only the tip of the iceberg. What I want to know Martha, is what compelled you to turn your back on me and our marriage in such a destructive manner? If I prompted it in some way you need to tell me and tell me now. Don’t sugarcoat it or be nice. If I was hurtful, neglectful or in some other way drove you into Little Billy’s arms tell me here and now.”
Mike was breathing heavily now, as the hurt and rage began to resurface. Up to this point, they’d been speaking politely, even in a friendly manner. Now Martha could see Mike’s pain up close and personal. It made her flinch and look down at the ground.
“Mike, I felt you would ask me something along these lines. I’m not going to insult you by skimming over your pain like it wasn’t that bad. Nor am I going to say it was nothing you did, just something I had to get out of my system. What I will say is this. I am convinced I’m 95% responsible for what I did. Your part in it was small.