It was now dark and Mike could see the park ranger beginning to make his rounds letting folks know it was time to leave. Mike waved him off with a quick, “Hi Reggie, we’re packing up and will be out of here in ten minutes!”
Reggie shouted back, “Sounds good Mike, nice to see you… and you too Martha.”
As they cleaned up and headed out Mike didn’t take Martha’s hand, but he walked closely to her. He wanted her to know he was genuinely thankful for their time together. He helped her load her car up, thanked her for the dinner and held her car door open for her. He stood and watched her drive away thinking to himself, “Well Michael, that was interesting…”
The next Wednesday found them in the same spot. Interestingly when Mike got there at 4:30 to make sure they could grab the same spot he found Martha had already arrived and laid out their picnic. It was cooler and Martha was wearing a sweater over her hunter green dress, but he also noticed it was a little shorter, a couple of inches above the knee. He was reminded that his ex-wife had great legs. “Fuck me” he sighed as he approached.
Martha’s questions were about how Mike processed her infidelity. She desperately wanted to ask if he had found solace in the arms of another woman or was seeing anyone now, but Sally had hinted that wasn’t the case, and she knew she had no right to ask. The conversation was hard! Again, they found themselves revisiting the most profound pain of Mike’s life.
Toward the end of the conversation Mike was sharing the darkness of nights alone in the early stages of the separation and divorce. Martha decided to throw caution to the wind. She reached out and took Mike’s hands in hers. She was mildly surprised and thrilled to no end that he didn’t flinch, recoil or ask her to stop. He accepted her hands in his as he spoke.
Again, it was getting dark and Reggie would be coming by soon so they turned their attention to the next two meetings, both agreeing they’d like to continue. But Mike once again surprised Martha.
“Martha, what would you think of us spending our next two get-togethers with your counselor? I’m very grateful for our conversations and believe we’ve made progress. However, I feel like we’re in the first stages of our journey for which I have no road map. I’m encouraged, but I don’t know how to process the deep pain in a way that will lead to some amount of reconciliation. Part of my success in business has come from knowing when I don’t know the answers. At those moments I was lucky enough to have good people around me to help. I think we’d be wise to acknowledge that now and seek some guidance.”
Martha’s heart was leaping, but she tried to hide her joy. “I think that would be very good for us Mike. I’ll call her first thing tomorrow morning and see what she can set up.” That ended up being the last lie she ever told Mike. She didn’t wait until the next morning; she called her counselor from the car as she drove away from the park and left her a voicemail.
The next two weeks were both fascinating and painful for Mike. While the counselor didn’t make Martha dive deeply into the physical aspect of her affair and subsequent cheating on little Billy with Miles Keller, she did probe the attraction and physical intimacy enough to make Mike uncomfortable. However, Martha’s confessions included her serious disappointment in both men. According to his ex-wife neither measured up to Mike on any level. Mike kept his poker face while listening, but inside he felt some sense of vindication. “She left me for something better and found out it was much worse. Good for her!”
They spent most of this time on little Billy although the counselor refused to include the adjective. She politely asked Mike to drop it as well. He politely, but firmly declined. “Sorry doc, not gonna happen.” And that was that.
For Martha’s part she began to see more and more just how shallow she had been. She’d tossed away a gold mine for a trunk full of lead. Acting out her fantasy with Billy left her feeling empty which is why she migrated to Miles. With the help of the counselor, she began to make progress. They decided after the first two weeks to stay with it. Five more sessions in, it was late October. Halloween was only two days away as they sat with Dr. Myers.
“It was never really about Mike, was it?” Martha asked their therapist.
“What do you think?” This was the doc’s standard answer when she discerned a client was seeking an easy out.
“I think I used some of Mike’s flaws to justify my behavior and shield myself from any serious reflection. This allowed me to beat him up emotionally while I gave myself a free pass on my ugly betrayal of him and our marriage.”
“That seems right to me Martha. Let me ask you this. If you could go back three years and talk to that Martha today, what would you tell her?”
“I’d tell her to get her head out of her ass.” Martha said with a sad smirk.
“Anything else?” Myers responded with a kind tone suggesting there needed to be more.
“I’d tell her she was trading a wonderful marriage for a lonely life full of remorse and regret. I’d challenge her to be a person of integrity. I’d march her into her husband’s study, sit her down and tell her to be honest with Mike. I’d urge her to tell him about her changing attitudes and struggles. I’d tell her she could trust her husband to grow with her and love her through these difficult moments. I’d tell her to be fair to him and give him a chance to be the husband she knew he was. I’d remind her little Billy couldn’t hold a candle to her husband, physically, emotionally, spiritually or intellectually. I’d warn her about how hard it is to be forgiven for betrayal. I’d show her pictures of her kids and granddaughter, letting her know in no uncertain terms she could do terrible damage to all of them.”
Martha drew in a deep breath and let out a long sigh. “Finally, I’d tell her to GET HER HEAD OUT OF HER ASS!”
Mike smiled at that for a couple reasons. First, he could tell she meant every word she said. There was deep and genuine sorrow for her choices and actions in her heart and mind. The woman he fell in love with was back. Crazy Martha had somehow evaporated into nothingness like dew from grass on a hot summer morning. And secondly, she had an amazing ass he’d always enjoyed. He liked thinking about his head close to her ass.
Mike knew it was time. He looked at his ex-wife in all her honesty and lost in her pain. Doc Myers knew in some way they were on holy ground and this was the moment of truth. She remained silent as Mike held Martha’s gaze. She was desperate for something, anything from him.
His eyes softened and he offered her four life-giving words. “Martha… I forgive you.”
If Mike had expected a calm reaction, it clearly wasn’t what he experienced. Martha gasped covering her mouth with her hands as her eyes immediately teared up. Within five seconds of her initial shock, she leapt from her chair and threw herself into his arms sobbing. Mike was a big guy and a pretty tough guy. He was cultured, he knew his wines but he’s also boxed golden gloves and worked out four days a week. But Martha’s grip on him was overwhelming. She didn’t say anything, she just clung to him making it tough for him to breath. He didn’t say anything else, he simply wrapped Martha in his arms and let her sob.