Seated on one of the cushioned wicker chairs, he takes one of the quarter-filled glasses, then watches as she takes the other chair and crosses her legs.
She takes a sip and smiles. “Well, son, I’m just dying to hear what you’ve got on your mind. If email and text won’t do, it sounds kind of serious.”
He takes a sip and shrugs. “Well, don’t worry, it’s not life or death. Just something that I’ve been curious about.”
She purses her lips and nods. “Okay, let’s hear it.”
Sitting on the edge of his seat, he sips more wine, then takes a deep breath. “Mom, I’ve been having dreams. Not nightmares, just these crazy dreams.”
“How crazy? We’ve all had those.” When he doesn’t say anything, she says, “You look kind of tense, Billy. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong?”
He squirms in his seat. “Mom, when I lived at home, do you remember wearing skimpy clothing when doing your housework?”
Her hazel eyes widen. “Skimpy clothes? Like what? Thong underwear or bikinis? Because I would never–”
“No, no bikinis or thongs. Short, see-through nighties, short-shorts, short, tight skirts. Stuff like that.”
She utters a bemused chuckle. “Um, maybe. Is this what you wanted to discuss?”
He removes his glasses to wipe his eyes, then puts them back on. “This isn’t easy.”
She lets out a full-throated laugh. “I guess not for a grown man like you who wants to discuss the skimpy clothes his mother wore years ago. What’s the punchline?”
A nervous giggle, then a gulping swallow of more wine. “No punchline, mom.”
Then she says, “If I were in your place, I’d also need alcohol to fortify me. Want some more? I can bring out the whole bottle if you’d like.” While watching him laugh, she says, “Billy, if this isn’t the weirdest conversation I’ve ever had, I don’t know what is.”
He knows he’s stalling, but he also knows he’s too far into it to back out. He leans back in his seat, holding his glass with one hand over the armrest, trying to relax. “I mentioned the dreams. Well, lately I’ve been dreaming about you wearing those outfits around the house. Not sure what brought them on, but they’re becoming more frequent.”
She nods and takes another sip. “This is getting interesting. Okay, so what do you think brought them on? I mean, you’ve been out of the house for a few years.”
“I’m not sure. But will you level with me?”
“I’ll try.”
“Did you wear those outfits to…not to seduce me, exactly, but to get a rise out of me? Perhaps to tease me?”
She shakes her head. “Oh, my goodness. Not that I’m aware of, although I’ll admit that I remember you gawking at me and feeling, well, sexy when you did. You might be my son, but all women like to be admired.” She looks him over as if she’s meeting him for the first time, admiring his broad shoulders and photogenic smile. “You were a good-looking kid who grew into one handsome man, handsome enough to report the news on TV. As far as teasing you…hmm, perhaps in a playful sort of way. I mean, I wasn’t trying to make you frustrated or anything. Were you frustrated?”
“Not frustrated, just…this is hard to express but I’ll try. I felt weird because it got me aroused, when sons aren’t supposed to get aroused looking at their mons. And you had this gratified grin on your face when I gawked at you, like you knew I was aroused.”
“And what else were you feeling when I did that? Holy crap, Billy, I’m beginning to feel like some kind of psychoanalyst. All I need is a goatee and a Viennese accent.”
The humor helps, it does. His mom always had a good sense of humor. But he’s also got some serious business that he still wants to get to. “How did I feel? I felt like you enjoyed me looking at you. But it was a two-way street because, embarrassed as I might have been, I enjoyed it, too. In fact, well, maybe I shouldn’t tell you this, but I sometimes masturbated thinking about it.”
Tracie blushes, turns away and giggles. “Geez, Billy, I didn’t know it went that far. Oh, my. Well, do you also remember that I dressed more appropriately when you went into your senior year in high school?”
“I do. So it was a conscious decision. Why is that?”
“Because I got the sense that it wasn’t healthy exposing myself to my son that way. I was playing a game, I suppose, and I was beginning to think that maybe I had gone too far. You said you didn’t think I tried to seduce you. Speaking candidly, I kind of was, at least subconsciously, to get at least a rise out of you as you said. Your dad was out of the house and your sister wasn’t home much. If I caused you any trauma, I apologize.”
“No, trauma, just these latent thoughts, whirling around in my sub-conscience. Oh, and a few wet dreams also.” He holds up his wine glass. “This is making me bolder.”
She knocks back a laugh. “Alcohol usually does.”
“Mom, I don’t think I ever rid myself of the Oedipus Complex. I’m still that little kid who craves sexual closeness with his mom. You studied psychology in college. Am I on the right track here?”
“I find Fraud interesting but many of his theories don’t hold up today, and that’s because he didn’t have much of a database. He based his views about sexuality on one or two people who talked about things that fit his theoretical framework. He did contribute to our knowledge, especially when it came to the psychological development of children. The Oedipus Complex and the Electra Complex, its opposite for girls’ attachment to their fathers, is fascinating to me because I feel that there is some validity to them. Love him or hate him, Fraud is still a giant in the practice of psychoanalysis.”
She imbibes more and then continues. “So tell me about this latest dream of yours?” She leans forward and whispers, “Is it…sexy?”
Billy can feel himself blush even before he answers. Either that or he’s getting flushed from the wine. “It was to me, mom. You were sitting on your bed, legs tucked under you, dressed in a black Teddy, with your beaver hanging out. I asked you why you were wearing that and you said, ‘to turn you on.’
“Ohmygod! And then what happened?”
“Nothing. I woke up. Do you even have a Teddy?”
“I do, the one your father bought me years ago. But it’s not something I ever wore in front of you.”
“Right, because I would have remembered it if you did.”
After moments of silence and imbibing, she speaks up. “So, in this dream about me and the Teddy, what did you want to happen? I mean, were you sorry you woke up so soon? We all have dreams about things where we’re moving toward something we want, only to wake up before we can reach it. I guess what I’m really asking, if it wasn’t a dream, had you really been in my bedroom and saw me the way you said, what would you have done? If you think I’m probing too far, no problem, I understand. I mean, this is X-rated stuff we’re talking about in a personal way.”
“No, I’m fine. What would I have done? The least I would have done is slide up on that bed next to you and see where things might go from there. The thing is, I really did see your beaver hanging out, when you wore those see-through nightgowns and when you bent over with no panties on. Like I said, it got me aroused. So I’ve got to ask…did you ever harbor fantasies of getting intimate with me? And if so, do you still?”