“Look at me Micky, hear my words. You are not a burden to me — and I bet your parents would say the same. If you could only know my thoughts and feelings for you … how can I say it so you believe me? I don’t mean to sound dramatic, but you have captured me in a way that I’ve never felt. I’m almost afraid to say it because I don’t think you’ll believe me — I’m falling for you … and I’m glad I’m falling for you. You’re everything and more that I could ever hope for or dream of. Can you believe me? Will you believe me? Will you believe me when I say your face lights up my day every time I see you. Will you believe me when I say that I have never liked a woman the same way I like you?”
In the turmoil of my own destructive feelings — in the avalanche of years of doubts — his words break through. His comforting hold on me breaks through and I surrender into his embrace. The tears, I cannot control and let them flow … hoping that somehow they might wash away my doubts and rescue my broken heart. Finally I know that I cannot change myself — I cannot heal my infirmities — I cannot eject my feelings for him. “I’m sorry, I let my emotions get out of control. I do believe you because I have the same feelings about you. I’ve tried to stay away from such feelings — it’s because of my fear of being rejected. I know I’m a burden to anyone who care about me — I don’t want to be, and I try not to be. But there’s so many things I can’t change and it just pisses me off and breaks me down again and again. I want to go skiing, and hiking and swimming — I want to be able to step over the tub and take a shower. You see what you’re getting with me?”
Her pain makes me angry — not at her, but just angry at the Universe — angry that such a loving and kind person is saddled with such pain and doubt running around in her mind. “Micky, oh how I wish I could make it all go away. I’m sure your parents wished the same. But wishes won’t make it go away — you know it and I know it. But, I just can’t believe that we must abandon all hope for a good life — I’ve always liked you, and now I like you more than ever — I want to know you more. Will you toss that out because it might not always be easy? I’m not willing to do that — but I can’t and won’t try to force you to care for me enough to believe we can have something real between us. You and you alone must make that decision. For me, we’ve been friends and have embraced the love of friendship — now we’re talking about maybe embracing something more. Only you can decide if you want more.”
I hear all of his words — he said we and they are beautiful words that describe beautiful things. I know he’s right … it’s now my decision to make. His warm strength holds me and I let it fill me with strength of my own. “Jason, I do hear you and I agree with you.” My confidence stumbles … “I’m afraid to say it, but I feel love for you too. It seems too soon to have these feelings — but the feeling seem very real. I’ve thought about you many times before we met up again at Farquahrts. I was watching you with envy when Shelia rejected you. I have never felt this way, have you?”
“No, and that’s why I know the feelings are true and honest. I want you to love me, but I can’t push you into it. We still need to let things unfold and see if our feelings will stand the test of time. Don’t you think?”
“I think so too. Last thing I want is for you to one day realize that I am just too much to deal with. We should take some time, but also enjoy this — this … whatever it is right now.”
“I agree.” Still sitting close on her bed, she looks up to me and our kiss feels perfect and sincere and so very wonderful. When it finally comes to an end, she asks me, “Will you help me into the bathtub?”
“Of course. I’ll step out to the hallway while you get into you swim suit.” Before I can even get up she says….
“No, I don’t want to hide my body from you, I’m tired of hiding … it’s been too long. Maybe you can help me get undressed?”
I stand up and smile down at her once again. Sitting on the side of the bed, Micky unbuttons her shirt. Like many of our crowd, she’s not wearing a bra. She looks up into my eyes, it’s a look unlike any before it. It’s a shy look but also it’s a bold look — a shy woman taking a bold step forward on the quest for a full life. I bend down — our lips do the talking now. Her hand finds mine and she guides me to her breast — a perfect breast neither too big or too small — the dark brown nipple is peaked and straining to grow harder. With our lips still together, I go to my knees — she lets me in-between her jean clad legs — our bodies now warming each other. As another kiss fades, we rest our cheeks one against the other — our embrace grows tighter into a hug. Together we rest against one another — the battle against fear and doubt fades into history. Her words stir me back to a bigger world ….
“Will you get my legs up on the bed so I can lay flat?”
I simply and gently do as she asked. Now I can see her even more, her breasts, her flawless sepia skin, the silky black hair, even the hair under her arms is straight and black. What I can’t see is what is hidden by her jeans. “Would you like some help getting these off?”
“It’d be easier if you did it, please.”
Only a fool would deny that request, but it’s with tenderness that I unbutton them. With gentleness that I pull them down as she raises her bottom enough to free them. It is with joy that I take them all the way off — it is with soft, tender feelings new and strange and seasoned with lust that I gaze down on my girl … my girl now clad only in lacy, gauzy underwear.
Her skin is flawless — I slide my hand over her stomach — her shiver revealing her pleasure. I can’t resist and kneel beside the bed, bend over and kiss her sacred secret, a secret still hidden and guarded by the white lace. Again her body responds and breathing her scent deep into my body makes my body respond in kind. Unable, or perhaps unwilling to stop, I encourage her to spread her legs with a soft touch to her inner thighs — she raises up enough to take her weight off as I slowly begin to take away this last scrap of clothing. I again kiss her inner thigh, my nose nestled in the crevasse where her thigh meets her feminine treasure. I kiss her gift to me, again her body tells me she agrees and again I lower my lips to her — she is truly and fully exposed to my eyes, my lips and my tongue now. The dark brown of her labia is new to me, but beautiful and I explore her secrets even deeper — deeper where the dark brown turns to pink. As I pleasure her — as we pleasure each other — I savor both sight and taste of her, her smell, her softness. I want more, I need more … but know it will be better after our bath and when we are in one bed together — the second bed unneeded. “You ready for a bath?”
“Very ready. Thank you Jason, thank you for your patience and understanding.”
“Thank you for trusting me. I promise, and want you to believe me, I will never do anything to hurt you. This is all so new to me, but I’ve needed something for awhile and I think this — I think you might be that something. Now, do you want a bath or a shower?”