So far we had been following the path set out for us, with Katie religiously writing in her journal to express her thoughts and feelings, even though I had so far chose not to read them. Likewise, Katie would unlock her phone and hand it to me, usually before walking away to do something while giving me the privacy to look. I never have looked yet though.
As for her weekly illicit public sex act, well that I did partake in that of course. Just yesterday we had lunch in the city in the library gardens. The library has a large garden that wraps around the building with some hedges, plants and flowers, along with sitting benches scattered throughout so people can sit and read.
Katie led me to the furthest part of the garden where we found a secluded spot with a bench we sat on. I was about to ask Katie about her day when she let out the sexiest and most devilish giggle I had ever heard before dropping to her knees between my legs.
The look of surprise and panic on my face would have been funny to see, as Katie quickly pulled out my cock and began to show it some love with her mouth. I was looking around frantically as Katie got my cock hard, sucking on me with a rapid determination that matched the outright thrill of the moment.
“My god Katie, I can’t believe you want to do this here of all places, there are so many people around.”
Katie then looked up at me, momentarily releasing my cock from her mouth.
“Quiet Greg, we’re at the library. People are trying to read.”
Oh my god, I could not believe this was happening. Part of our agreement for Katie’s weekly public sex act was that she would not tell me when or where they would occur. She did not herself always know when they would happen. It was the fact they could be unplanned and spontaneous that gave the risk of the act even more impetuous.
In what must have been record time for me, I unloaded into her mouth, with Katie swallowing every drop before licking her lips and sitting back up on the bench beside me only to start eating her salad as if everything was completely normal.
She looked across at me and saw my expression of amazement at her.
“What? Eat your lunch Greg or it’ll get cold.”
Just wow, I was enjoying being back together with Katie.
Back at the dinner table at her mom’s house Katie asked me a question.
“Can I ask if you have been reading my journal entries yet?”
“Not yet.”
“Why?”
“You mean why not?”
“Greg.”
“Alright, I just wanted to give you some space to figure out what exactly you wanted to say. To not feel like I would be running to check every entry you added. Analyzing it, scrutinizing it or something like that.”
“I’m writing these for you as much as for me. I want you to read them, no I need you to read them.”
“I promise I’ll read them after dinner and will read them every few days from now on, I swear.”
“Is that why you also never look into my phone?”
“No. That’s different. That’s about trust, and I feel it’s about me as much as it’s about you.”
“What do you mean?”
“Me trusting you again is always going to be hard. For us to work I need to learn to trust you again, to be able to trust you again. If I’m spying on your phone every day, I’m hardly going to learn to trust you am I?”
Katie smiled.
“You know Greg, Dr Forsyth told me that when I hand my phone to you each time, it is me trying to allow you to trust me, but that if you looked into my phone it meant that you were not there yet and I needed to work harder at gaining your trust.”
“Damn, Dr Forsyth is pretty smart isn’t she?”
“Yes she is. By the way when we go to bed tonight, I need to talk to you.”
Okay, so in the two weeks since our sessions ended, Katie has never raised her desire to be sexually satisfied outside of our usual lovemaking. I nodded an acknowledgement to Katie and continued to eat my dinner.
Later I sat down in the lounge with Katie’s journal and began to read. There were a lot of thoughts, feelings and emotions already detailed over the last two weeks. It seemed liked a cathartic exercise for Katie, to express them all clearly and concisely. Part of that may have been the lawyer in her, but I also felt a lot of emotion in the words on each page as well.
There was really nothing I did not already know about Katie or how she felt, but it was somehow soothing for me to read them written on paper, to have them documented. It did though remind me of how Katie was not only extremely intelligent, but also passionate in her love of life and that for the last three years that passion for life had been missing from her.
As we hopped onto the bed later that evening I leaned over to Katie.
“Did you want to talk now?”
“Not right now, I want you to fuck me first.”
And I obliged. Katie and I were getting into sync sexually again. Not a routine, but more that I could tell by her movements or expressions of what she wanted or needed in a given moment, and she the same for me. I guess all couples in love gain a sense of awareness of each other’s needs during sex. It’s what makes sex great when it’s with someone you love deeply.
We laid there catching our breath, still holding each other after we had finished fucking.
“Do you want to talk now Katie?”
“Give me a few more minutes to catch my breath, I can’t think straight right now.”
With that Katie got up and went to the bathroom. My thoughts turned to what Katie would say, would her craving to have more than what we just experienced be requested? I thought back to just over two weeks ago when we first had sex again since our divorce, that Katie was able to orgasm while I was fucking her for the first time ever. She had not however repeated that during the several times we have had sex since. Could that be why she wants to talk?
Katie came back into bed beside and laid with me, with her arm across my chest and resting her head on my shoulder.
“Tell me Greg, please be honest, are you worried about what I might ask you now?”
“Worried? No, I get why you think I might be apprehensive though. You’re probably thinking that when you ask for more than I’m giving you that I may see that as a blow to my sexual pride, my lack of sexual prowess, right?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“I realized before we even began seeing Dr Forsyth that it wasn’t my ‘sexual prowess’ that was what you were lacking it was that you needed something different to what I could give you.”
“You figured that out yourself?”
“Hey, I’m an engineer, it’s kind of what I do.”
“Tonight I’m not going to ask you to provide me with ‘something extra’ Greg, tonight I wanted to talk about it with you. Really talk about it, you know with why I wanted Jake.”
“Okay, should I have a defibrillator ready just in case?”
“Maybe, this might not be easy, but if I can talk about who he is and what he was to me, maybe that will help explain some things so we can finally move on and have nothing hidden between us.”
I reached up and stroked Katie’s face and brushed some of her hair away from her eyes.
“Alright, let me start back when I was dating Jake in high school. We actually didn’t talk that much to each other. He was handsome and tall with short curly blonde hair, and I was a teenage girl in love for the first time. More lust now looking back, but it was the closest thing I had felt up until then.”
I kept slowly stroking Katie’s back as she continued.
“When we did talk to each other it was about truly mundane shit that was of no real interest to me you know, there was very little connection on a conversational side, he was sweet though and he cared about me. Physically I lusted after him, all the girls did, he was handsome and cocky as hell.”
“About Jake, his father had left his family before he was born, he had two older brother that were a fair bit older. Jamie was about ten years older and I think Cliff was about eight. The rumor was that their dad left their mom because Jake was not his. That his mom had cheated on him so he left.”
“Even his brother’s used to tease him that he was the bastard son, and that is also where he got his big cock from, the guy who knocked up their mom.”
“Anyway, Jake’s mom died of cancer when he was about thirteen and I think he has struggled to really trust anybody since then except his brother’s and perhaps me just a little. You know Jake is not the type of guy that wants to be in relationship’s, I think he is afraid of getting close and then losing someone like his mom again. He never really let me in to what he was thinking or feeling. That’s probably why our relationship ended up being all about the sex, it was how we connected, it was so that he would never have to let someone in too close to him.”
“During the five years that we hadn’t seen each other after high school, I found out he had a few short-term girlfriends but nothing serious in all that time. He preferred the ‘friends with benefits’ type of arrangement and I guess that is what we started doing once we hooked back up.”
“He was very happy with our arrangement, he didn’t want anything more serious with me, and he knew I would never give that to him anyway. He got to spend the week working and being with his brother’s, then he would get all the sex he needed from me.”
“So are you saying he would never have tried to take you from me? That he didn’t want to be in a proper or romantic type of relationship with you?”
“Yep, in my mind because he was no threat to what we had It helped me to justify it in a way, even though I knew it was totally wrong. That it would destroy our relationship if you ever found out. I started to hate myself for not being able to stop it, or not wanting to stop it, long before you ever found out.”
“I just struggled to understand why I craved the kind of sex we had, sure I enjoyed it a lot, but to ruin my marriage over it? Why against everything my brain was telling me, I just did not want to stop. I knew I was being so selfish, that I was betraying you and being so hurtful and deceptive. The fear I had that I would lose you, that it also fueled the thrill I got with sneaking off with him, it’s hard to explain. I tried my best to not think about it, the stress I felt when I did was too much.”