FREDDY [long pause]: So wait…Alexis really did one of those things?
FILIA SOROR: You know the rules Freddy, time is wasting.
FREDDY: Uh…c)?
[Loud buzz sounds]
FILIA SOROR: Oh Freddy, I am sorry that was incorrect. The correct answer was b). Your sister and her ex-boyfriend got drunk and, on a whim, decided to piss on each other in the shower. Your sister opened her mouth and said that the depravity of it tasting someone else’s piss drove her absolutely wild
FREDDY: I don’t need to know about it.
FILIA SOROR: Freddy, we all know you were picturing your sister with two dicks in her mouth. How is the reality any worse? [Pushing buttons on her desk. The lights dim in Freddy’s booth and come on in Ashleigh’s booth]: Okay, Ashleigh, it is your turn for your fourth question. So, we asked your sister Kassie, “what is the craziest rumor about you that is actually true” So what do people say about your sister behind her back that is actually true, a) that she swallowed a load of cum from every member of the football team in a single night, b) That she slept with the prom king and prom queen separately on prom night without the other knowing it happened, or c) that she filmed herself having sex with a friend’s father?
ASHLEIGH [tight-lipped]: When does she come out here, because I need to speak with her.
FILIA SOROR: Ashleigh, time…
ASHLEIGH: This is humiliating her, not me. Fine. a).
[Bell rings]
FILIA SOROR [smiles broadly]: Congratulations Ashleigh, you just banked $500.00 for your family! Your sister celebrated the district championship in style. She says she wasn’t hungry again for a week.
ASHLEIGH: Yeah…well…
FILIA SOROR [Pushing buttons on her desk. The lights dim in Ashleigh’s booth and come on in Zach’s booth]: Alright Zach, time for your fourth question. So, we asked your mother Candace, “What do you do in bed that you say that you just do because your partners ask for it, but secretly love?” Did your mom say a) giving blowjobs, b) anal, or c) giving analingus?
ZACH: a). Just like, be done with my turn.
[Loud buzz sounds]
FILIA SOROR: Oh Zach, I am sorry that was incorrect. The correct answer was b). Your mom loves to take it up the ass.
ZACH: Yeah…okay.
FILIA SOROR: Don’t worry, she likes the other ones too. In fact, last Valentine’s Day…
AMBER: Filia, time is up for round one!
FILIA SOROR [pushing buttons on her desk. All the lights come on. Also, the doors behind the booth open. The other three contestants, Alexis, Kassie, and Candace walk in. Their family members don’t look them in the eye. Even the informed family members look a little sheepish]: Alright, all back together as happy family members! I am sure you all have a lot you’ like to catch up on. But there is no time for that. This is a paid subscription service (thank you to all our viewers or dead people whose credit cards haven’t expired yet), so no commercials here. The time has come for our second round. It is called “The Auction.” The rules are very simple. Amber, how do we play the game?
AMBER [she pauses. The family teams are whispering among themselves. The uninformed members looking angry, confused, embarrassed. But they stop as Amber begins to speak]: Filia is going to state an action. For example, she could say “shake hands.” She will then name a price, say, $100.00. Any team can “buzz in” and claim the Act. Both members of the team have to buzz in separately to light their lights. If the team performs the required act, they get the amount of money of their bid. If a team bids and fail to complete the act, the amount is subtracted from their total. If no one bids, the host keeps raising the price until someone does.
FILIA SOROR: Thank you Amber, and just a reminder to the parties, the current scores are as follows: Alexis and Freddy MacLeod are in last place with just $500.00. Kassie and Ashleigh Morgan are tied in the lead with Candace and Zach Lincoln with $1,000.00 apiece. But there is a TON of time left in the game and we have seen much bigger comebacks. Are we ready to get started?
[With the silence, the family members turn and start bickering with each other quietly again. Alexis and Freddy can barely look at each other, whispering quietly at one another and rubbing their arms. Ashleigh is yelling at Kassie under her breath and Kassie mugs for the camera. Zach says a single thing and then turns not looking at Candace. Candace just looks blankly at the camera.]
FILIA SOROR: I said are we ready?
[Reluctantly, all contestants turn towards the camera. Some nod, the rest sort of shrug.]
FILIA SOROR: That’s the spirit! Alright the first act is simple, elegant, and timeless: A French kiss. An open mouth kiss. A tongue kiss. I don’t care what you call it, you just have to do it. And we are going to start the bidding at just $100.00.
[The words “French Kiss” and “$100.00” appear on the screen. Some hand movement is visible from the knowledgeable contestants. But no light goes on. Kassie whispers into Ashleigh’s ear and Ashleigh sighs and shakes her head]
FILIA SOROR: A shrewd group! No one wants to sell a kiss to cheaply. How about this: the bid is now $500.00. And I warn you, things do not get easier than this. If you want to bank $500.00 easy, you should act now.
[The bid on the screen changes to $500.00. Kassie whispers to Ashleigh again. Ashleigh rolls her eyes but a moment later their light turns on. None of the other teams had even moved.]
FILIA SOROR: We have our first bid! Team Morgan has bid $500.00 on sultry French kiss! Now you have 5 seconds from the time I say “now” to start the kiss. If you refuse, you lose the $1000.00 you already have. Okay Morgan sisters… “now!”
[Ashleigh and Kassie turn and look at each other. Kassie licks her lips slightly and Ashleigh laughs nervously. Kassie begins to lean forward, but Ashleigh does not reciprocate.]
KASSIE: Ash! Five seconds! No time! Money, money!
[Ashleigh nods quickly and leans forward. The sisters’ eyes close and Kassie tilts her head slightly to the side. A moment later, their lips press together gently. Kassie’s lips part and her soft, pink tongue slips against her sister’s lips. Ashleigh waits half a beat, and her mouth slips open slightly. Kassie’s tongue presses firmly into Ashleigh’s mouth. Ashleigh opens her mouths wider, and her tongue is now visible as well, pressing into Kassie’s tongue. The tongues wrestle gently, a wet sound audible on the microphones. Instinctively, the girls’ hands rise. Kassie’s hands grasp her sister’s hips and Ashleigh’s hand rises to Kassie’s cheek. A slight moan is audible, but it isn’t clear who made it. The sisters move closer, their breasts touching gently through their clothes. This feeling seems to startle Asheligh, and she pushes back, breaking the kiss].
ASHLEIGH [looking down at her shoes, her eyes still closed]: Is that enough?
FILIA SOROR: Oh that was definitely enough for the $500.00! What a sexy kiss from two sexy sisters! Did you enjoy yourselves.
KASSIE [biting her lip and looking at the camera]: It was awesome! I can’t believe what a great kisser my sister is!