My heart started to break a little more, but Alex did whatever it was she was doing, and the pain and anguish melted away, being replaced with exhaustion.
{“Go to sleep, Alice. And tomorrow, at church… Talk to Reuben. He does care for you, and you can trust him. I know you’re brave enough to try one more time.”}
Her words got quieter and more distant as I slowly fell back into a dreamless sleep.
***
On Sunday, I dressed conservatively and put on just a little bit of makeup, and sat too long in front of my mirror trying to decide what I was going to do. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Reuben. I had promised Alex I would give him a chance, but I was still a little pissed about him basically ghosting me for a week.
To be fair, I have his cell number around here somewhere, and I haven’t reached out. But he didn’t even make an effort…
Sophie knocked on my door. “Hey, Alice, can I come in?”
“Sure,” I shouted, and grabbed my mascara to double down on my lashes.
Sophie cracked the door open and said, “I know you don’t usually do tours on Sunday, but… there are these guys downstairs who are interested in housing next semester. Would you…”
“Yeah,” I sighed. I needed a distraction anyway. Adjusting my skirt and running my fingers through my hair, I threw on some lipstick and went downstairs.
I always wore professional clothes to church and when I was working in the lobby, just in case someone important came in, and today I was glad I had. Three seriously handsome guys stood downstairs by the lobby desk, and their eyes popped when they saw me.
Unfortunately, Reuben was also standing in the lobby talking quietly with a young couple I didn’t recognize, and a young girl who I did. She was one of the girls who had come up to help for the holiday party.
“You don’t mind if we tag along for your tour, do you, Alice?” he asked, challenging me with his expression, almost daring me to make a fuss.
“Of course not, Mr. Weston. You are always welcome.” I turned away from him before I spat out something snarky. Oh, moved on to the next girl already, huh? And here I thought we shared something so special. Because I knew it wasn’t true. I knew who she was, and although I would love to see that flash in his eye, I wasn’t going to do it at her expense. I did have some respect for others.
“Hello Everly, it’s so good to see you again,” I smiled at the young woman. She seemed thrilled that I remembered her.
I introduced myself and took them around the facility for a tour, reciting the facts and the resources and showing all the cool features we offered for everyone; breakfast and packed lunches upon request; community space for hanging out and studying; the rec room; the gym downstairs; the pool outside. I showed them the model room and the double suites. We ran into a few kids, and I took a minute to explain how the money generated from the church through rent went back into being able to serve the community through our various outreach programs. All the while, the guys trailed behind me, asking questions and generally trying to get me to look at them and extend the length of the tour, and Mr. Weston trailed behind, close to Everly but not touching her.
After the tour, the guys hung around the lobby much longer than normal, trying to chat me up. Reuben walked Everly to the fellowship hall and sat her down in a seat near the back. The way he’d quietly guided her away, speaking to her encouragingly and checking on her before he left made me insanely, disgustingly jealous. Scott Murphy had found her almost immediately and was now talking to her and smiling softly as he stared at her pretty face.
I could feel the irrational anger and betrayal well up in me and prick at my heart. The truth was, even if Reuben and I did end up in some kind of relationship, I wasn’t the kind of girl people kept around for any length of time. I was the distraction they used to get their mind off shit, and then put on the shelf when they were done. I was the wackjob crazy masochist who couldn’t enjoy sex without pain. I was the weird, emotional, irrational one who was so annoying and so exhausting that, eventually, I’d say something and it would be too much for them.
Nobody ever kept me around for anything other than the role I could fill, the things I could give them.
Alex was wrong. I wasn’t brave enough to try one more time. I didn’t want another relationship, I didn’t want another dynamic with another Dom who thought they were “all that” but couldn’t deal with my crazy.
Fuck it, I thought. Fuck it, and fuck him. I’m not doing it. Now I wish I hadn’t wasted my time with all those damn lines.
Reuben came back a few moments later and glared at the young boys who were still talking with me. But I was still kind of pissed at him, plus I was desperate to see how he would react, so I flirted right back, and invited them all to the Tuesday night Bible study with the rest of the men, promising dinner and snacks afterwards in the rec room.
Finally, Reuben had clearly had enough. “Alice,” he said, cutting off one of the boys. “I’d like a word.” He stepped beside me and placed a heavy hand on the center of my back, guiding me away from the lobby desk and into the conference room, locking the door behind us.
Oh boy. Here we go.
I gave him my sweetest, most professional polished smile. “Yes, Mr. Weston. What can I help you with?”
He stood with his back against the door, his thick arms crossed over his chest, glaring at me. He looked irrationally angry. “What are you doing?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, why the hell are you flirting with those assholes?” He pointed a thumb over his shoulder while he glared at me.
“Why the fuck do you care?” I snapped. “You don’t give a shit about me! I’m just that annoying brat who pisses you off who you decide to put in her place. Well fuck you, you don’t own me and you never will!”
His mouth opened slightly and his bushy eyebrows furrowed like angry caterpillars.
“Reuben, I know how this works, okay?” I shook my head, trying to relieve some of the frustration and anger inside me with laughter because if I didn’t, I was going to cry. “You want those damn lines? They’re upstairs. Don’t fuck with me again. We aren’t doing this.”
I would have stormed out of the room at that point, but he was still blocking the door, so I put my hands on my hips and waited for him to move.
He dropped his arms from his chest, his expression still burning, and approached me one step at a time. It took everything in me not to run around the other side of the conference table but I stood my ground.
He’s not my Dom. He’s just a guy.
Reuben stopped right in front of me and stared down. His voice was low and harsh. “Maybe last week’s punishment was not clear enough for you.” He whispered, leaning in and speaking slowly. “You will not be a brat in church, nor will you act like a little whore.”
I clenched my jaw. Don’t say it.
Swallowed. Seriously, Alice, don’t say it.
“Make me.”
Ahh, I should not have said it. I could see it right away. He’d baited me again. His eyes seemed to glow, his nostrils flared, and his lips twitched very subtly.