“Have you sought professional help prior to now to try to deal with your depression?”
“Yes, I have had sessions with two different counselors.”
“Would I be able to get their details from you later and make contact with them on your behalf?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Thanks Katie.”
Dr Forsyth spent the next minute or so writing notes before eventually looking up at us both.
“Okay, so this is the part where we discuss what we are hoping to achieve out of these sessions. My first question is for you Greg. What is it you hope to walk away with?
“I would like for Katie to not be suffering from depression. For her to be back to her normal happy self.”
“That’s nice Greg, but you just stated something that Katie might want out of these sessions. I’m asking what you want. You need to be a little selfish here and be honest with yourself.”
Okay, this was going to be difficult, what did I really want out of this? I was looking down at the floor as I responded.
“Alright, I want to know if there is a future for Katie and myself. If I can forgive her for what she did to me. To understand why she did it. If we could still be happy together, in love together.”
“Good, thanks Greg I bet that was not easy. Now Katie your turn.”
Katie looked up at me for a few moments, I think she was trying to summon her courage before giving her answer.
“I want for us to be together again. I want to be sure that I will never do what I did again, to not ever hurt him again. And to not hate myself anymore.”
“Okay thanks Katie.”
“You have both taken a big step here today. The first of many. Well done. For the next step, I want to see Katie first for a couple of one-on-one sessions. Then it will be your turn Greg.”
“How many sessions with both of you will depend on what we need to work through, and how much you are prepared to be honest with yourselves and with me.”
“I won’t hide it from you, these sessions will be tough for both of you. You might not like some of the truths we uncover. But it will be necessary if you two want to be happy at the end of this, whether that means you are together or not.”
“That’s it for today. If you can hand reception this note, they will arrange with you the next bookings starting with Katie.”
We both got up and left Dr Forsyth’s office. Katie was booked in for her first session in just two days’ time, with two follow up sessions next week.
I drove Katie home to her Mom’s place. We didn’t say much on the drive home, but Katie did put her hand on mine all the way there.
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It was 2pm Tuesday as I walked into Dr Forsyth’s practice for my first solo session with Ana.
It has been over two weeks since both Katie and I went to our first session, since then Katie has had five one-to-one sessions with Dr Forsyth. Katie was also asked to not discuss her sessions with me until after I had been through my own one-to-one sessions. I was asked to give Katie time and space during the last two weeks.
“Come in Greg please.” As I was ushered into the office.
“Good afternoon Dr Forsyth.”
“Please call me Ana thanks Greg.”
“Yes, sorry, Ana.”
“First off I just wanted to check that you and Katie have not been discussing her sessions with me so far?”
“That’s right. We don’t live together so we have kept our distance over the last two weeks or so.”
“Good. The reason I asked that of you both, is that it is far easier to go through this if you are not having to justify or explain yourself to the person most affected during this process. These sessions are for you to work out your thoughts, emotions, concerns, insecurities, fears, to be able to get to a place where you can move forward, with or without each other.”
“Okay let’s begin.” Dr Forsyth was looking back over her notes, I’m not sure if they were from our first session, or from her sessions with Katie.
“First off, I will say that the sessions with Katie have been very productive. Some of the details already discussed may help with our sessions to progress a lot quicker.”
“And to be clear again, Greg, what you want and need is the focus of these sessions, not what Katie wants or needs. We will work on what you both want together when we have our joint sessions when we are done. Okay?”
“Yep, I understand.”
“So first, can you tell me how you felt about Katie during your time at college together. Were you in love with her from the start or did that grow over time?”
“Yes, I was in love with Katie from the start, I was also infatuated with her from the beginning of course. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, I lusted after her from the very first time I saw her, but as soon as we began to talk with each other, it’s hard to explain, I just knew she was the one for me. I never doubted that feeling.”
“Tell me about the first time you were intimate with Katie, I understand that was about a week or two after you went on your first date?”
“Yes, that’s right. Well, it was fantastic, I had no idea sex could be that good until then.”
“You had some sexual experiences prior to Katie then?”
“Yes. I briefly dated two different girls in senior year at high school.”
“And you had intercourse with them? How many times roughly?”
“Twice, for each girl.”
“Okay, so were you aware that you were coming into the relationship with Katie with far less sexual experience than her?”
“No. Katie had told me she had only slept with two people as well.”
“Alright, she didn’t lie to you, but of course did not tell how much experience she had either. That is to be completely expected as well, no-one should divulge that unless they want to.”
“So that first time, you didn’t notice that Katie knew what she was doing far more than yourself?”
“Yes I kind of knew that in a way. She was the one initiating everything, telling me what she wanted me to do, she seemed to be in complete control of what we were doing.”
“How did that sexual experience compare to your previous sexual encounters?”
“Night and day. That was easily the best sex I had been a part of, I told Katie that as well if I remember.”
“The best sex of my life! That’s what Katie said you told her.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“Did she tell you that it was the best sex of her life as well?”
“No, I don’t think so. I think she said she was happy for me. But I could be wrong. That was ten years ago now.”
“So over those next few years in college prior to you leaving campus, how often did you have sex, was it easy to be able to find somewhere to have it?”
“We probably had sex almost every day. The only times when we didn’t was if we had nowhere we could find to do it. We had to sneak around a lot. We had sex in public places a lot for lack of any other options.”
“The risk involved, did you enjoy that, did it add to your experience?”
“For me, personally I would say no. The anxiety and the rushed nature of it probably slightly outweighed the thrill I got. Don’t get me wrong, the thrill was there. I could tell Katie did enjoy the thrill quite a bit though.”
“Was it Katie that would find the places, take you there to have sex?”
“Yes.”
“Would you have preferred a private dorm room instead?”