“Yes, it is semantics. It would mean that I would be agreeing to be cuckolded over and over though.”
“Greg, you already were a cuckold, You can’t be cuckolded a second time with the same person. You either are or you are not, it’s like saying you’re an American, you either are or you are not. You can’t be an American over and over, although if you do marry the same woman again, I’m not so sure.”
Ana laughed a little at this, making me chuckle too, the absurdity of the conversation we were having.
“So, are you saying that we would have to figure out a way for Katie to get her sexual mojo dealt with, but that there are options for doing that?”
“Yes, that is correct.”
“Alright, hit me with them and let’s see if there are options I can agree with.”
“Okay then, I’m going to remind you first though that Katie would need to agree to these as well. But as they are your roadblocks, you will have ‘veto’ rights on the choice of these. Be aware that Katie has her own roadblocks to overcome that you will need to be part of as well. But we will discuss those on the joint session next week. Now each option has positives and negatives for you that we should identify as we go.”
“First option is the most obvious one and the one you’re most likely to not want to choose. That is to find someone who can provide Katie with the sexual gratification she occasionally needs. Whether that be Jake, or a substitute.”
“Jesus, what was the point of us getting divorced then? Are you telling me that Katie had it all worked out from the start?”
“No Greg but well, sort of. You didn’t choose for Katie to fuck Jake did you? She betrayed your trust by going behind your back rather than telling you she needed something more and deciding with you how to achieve that. She just knew she was missing something and acted on it. It’s a huge part of where her guilt and self-hatred has come from. Her guilt for letting this become an issue that destroyed your marriage, not just each time she cheated on you, and the self-hatred for not wanting to stop.”
“Positives. We already know this works for giving Katie her sexual gratification which, if that was the only criteria, then this would be the easiest option.”
“Negatives. Others are involved to provide this gratification for Katie. If not Jake, then how will you find the substitute? How many men will Katie need to ‘try out’ to find the right one. If it is Jake you choose, how will that affect you? How will it affect you no matter who it is?”
“I can’t even respond to that option right now.” As I rubbed my face with my hands.
“Option two. Sex toys. Now there are two options here with using either dildos or penis sleeves. So let’s start with dildos.”
“Positives. They could be fun for both of you to use and involves no other person.”
“Negatives. Katie already went down the dildo route and it didn’t seem to work that well for her on her own.”
“We never used dildos, Katie didn’t even own one when we were together. She only had a small clitoral vibrator I bought her.”
“Well, this came from Katie’s sessions and yes, you didn’t know Katie owned a few dildos. She was too embarrassed to show you or use them in front of you because of what they signified. I’m not ruling this out yet as it may work better for her with you there when she uses them.”
“What do you mean by she was too embarrassed because of what they signified?”
“Her dildos were of a few different sizes, but all were bigger than you, some considerably so. She was afraid you would think that she wasn’t satisfied with your penis size.”
“But she wasn’t.”
“She was Greg, just that occasionally she needed more than you had to offer. She was afraid you wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t see it that way.”
“Okay, I guess.”
“Option three are penis sleeves. If you don’t know what they are, basically it is a rubber or silicone sleeve shaped like a penis, you place your penis inside. It can make you longer and thicker while you can still somewhat enjoy intercourse as well.”
“I think I’ve seen them, there kind of like a dildo with a hole for your dick to go in.”
“Pretty much. you need to have them fitted correctly though, so you will need to get an accurate measurement of your erect penis size for the inner sleeve before buying.”
“Positives. Again no one else is involved, and that both you and Katie may enjoy the sex.”
“Negatives are that you need to get them sized correctly, they can be limited in size options, and still they may not give Katie the gratification she needs. Basically, there could be some trial and error involved until you get the right one, if there is a right one, as well as the ease of use. Do they come off? Can you be as energetic during intercourse while wearing a sleeve? This may be determined by the accuracy of the fit, or the brand in question.”
“Okay, are there any other options?”
“You could try strap-on dildos as well but they very much fit into the dildo option as do sex machines that you use with a dildo as an attachment. Apart from those, no not really.”
“I have not included the option of where you get back together and Katie does not experience the sexual gratification she has previously had. Over time her craving to get that sexual gratification will most likely grow. She may then resent you or herself for denying her that, it is like you said before that it would most likely be detrimental to your relationship together. Imagine if you never got orgasm during intercourse with Katie? Would that get to you after a while if you could not have your own ejaculation every time you had sex, for the rest of your lives together?”
“So, we are down to me sometimes using a dildo, sex machine, strap-on or a penis sleeve on Katie to get her off, or we revert back to Jake?”
“Yes, I guess that sums it up. Remember that these options are only required when Katie wants you to use them, it will not be a regular thing. Are you willing to explore these options and to have a relationship that might just work for you both going forward, or do you prefer not to pursue the relationship further?”
“Do you need to know right now?”
“I will need to know before our joint session next week. Basically, I need to prepare the session for whether we are working through the different options with both of you to move forward together, or how I work with Katie alone to move her forward without you. You will not be required any further if the choice is not to progress.”
“What about me? I had two failed relationships because I still love Katie, how will I know if I’m ready to move forward without her?”
“Greg, if you choose the option to not progress a relationship with Katie, you are actively making a decision to not be driven by the way you still feel for her. You already now understand the reasons why your marriage failed and that it was not your fault. Over time it will be easier for you to let go and fully commit to loving someone else. I have no doubts about that.”
“So, you’re saying that if I did choose to walk away, that I should be able to move on?”
“Yes. Our joint session next week will be cancelled and more sessions with just Katie will be planned.”