—–
Out behind a Native American casino in eastern Wyoming was a large meeting room which held the monthly meeting of Gods United. Many gods and sacred ones would show up to chew the fat and tell stories of humorous events and drama they had caused. They also liked to share a few drinks, the most favorite being mead, better known as nectar of the gods. On this one occasion, a few gods of love happened to be sitting at the same table. They liked to brag to each other how they had helped mere mortals fall in love.
The subject came around to tough cases. Every once in a while, a human would prove to be particularly resistant to the celestial machinations of the love gods and remained unattached and celibate.
Eros was the first to talk about Joe Cuthbert, an ‘old before his time’ fellow living just outside of Centerton. He was a programmer and enjoyed hiking, both of which he did alone. He never seemed to be interested in women or in men, for that matter. There were concerns he was asexual or perhaps simply ‘on the spectrum.’
“He’s a tough case. Usually, humans get together on their own, but Joe, well, I don’t think that will ever happen.”
“You’re right, E, he’s a tough one. Have you ever tried your skills on him?” asked St. Valentine.
“No, but I plan to pretty soon, I guess.”
“I think you’re a pussy and don’t want to face failure,” jumped in Cupid. “You know deep down that your erotic methods don’t cut it like they used to, what with on-line porn like it is.”
“What? You doubt my abilities? You, you who depend on little bows and arrows and ‘meet cute’ romances, you think I can’t get him together with someone?” said Eros with a raised voice.
“Now, guys, take it easy. Turn the other cheek, you know,” said an earnest Val.
“But he just doubted my abilities,” replied Eros.
“Yeah, I did, because it’s true. You are O.O.D. Out of date!”
“Why you little baby faced…, I’ll get you for that…”
“Settle down, Eros, this is just a discussion,” jumped in Val. “We all have our abilities and some of us are just more successful than others.”
“Yeah? Like who?” asked Cupid.
“Val, are you saying you’d be more likely to get ol’ Joe together with someone?”
“Maybe. Maybe I would. I mean, I’m the youngest of the three of us and I think I have the ability to reach into the true essence and faith of someone and get them to see the Big Guy’s will. Once they do, they’ll find someone,” answered Val.
“But,” jumped in Eros, “your Big Guy and my Big Guy don’t always see eye-to-eye. Maybe my Big Guy is smarter than yours. Maybe he’s given me the ability to hook people up better than yours.”
“Hey, I have an idea,” mused Cupid. “How about we see who can get Joe to tumble for someone? A little competition, maybe.”
“I’m not one much for games of chance,” said Val, “but since this is a game of skill, yeah, I’d be up for that.”
“Yeah, me too,” answered Eros.
“So, we’re all agreed. We all will work on Joe and see which of us can get him to hook up,” said Val.
“No, not a hook up. A relationship. If we’re going to do it, we’ve gotta make the final goal a true relationship,” said Cupid.
“Marriage?” asked Eros.
“No, not needed, but certainly would meet criteria. Any long-term relationship including living with each other will count,” announced Cupid.
“Care to make it interesting?” smiled Eros.
“Wait, I’m not sure I can do that,” sighed Val.
“Sure, you can. You said yourself it wasn’t a game of chance. Put your money where your mouth is,” replied Eros.
Cupid smiled at his comrades and said, “Here’s what I propose. We each get one month to try and get Joe together with someone…”
“Wait a second. Whoever goes first has an advantage. We should all have a crack at the same time,” complained Eros.
“I agree,” said Val.
“But we’ve all said we believe we’re the best and the others are no good, so it doesn’t really matter who goes first. We can randomly choose the order and all put something into the kitty. The one of us who gets him to turn first takes it all,” replied Cupid.
The other two finally agreed with the plan but then asked what the ante would be.
“I propose fifty bitcoins,” announced Cupid.
“That’s easy, not too much to hurt if you lose but enough to make it fun to win. I’m in,” announced Val.
“Yeah, me too,” said Eros. “Boy, if humans only knew how easy it is for us to manipulate the market,” he added, laughing loudly. “But let’s hold off on that until after our bet is over. Agreed?”
The other two agreed just as the beautiful and lovely Aphrodite walked up. “Hello, gentlemen, or should I say Fellow Gods and Saints. How are you today?”
“We’re fine, Beautiful,” replied Val. “If I weren’t a saint, I’d be asking you out. Well, anyway, we’ve just decided on a little wager to see which of us is the best in getting recalcitrant humans hooked up or to the altar. Wanna join us?”
“You serious? A bet? Who’s the human?”
“Joe Cuthbert.”
“You’re crazy. He’s a confirmed loner. You’ll never get him to tumble, mark my words.”
“Too bad you’re too chicken to join in,” chuckled Eros.
“I’m not too chicken. I just don’t think it can be done. Nope, I’m not joining in, but thanks for the invite, anyway. You gentle beings have a nice day,” she said as she glided away, her delightful hips swaying nicely under her long gown.
After she left, the three of them decided to play Rock, Parchment and Sword to pick who went first, second and third. After several tied rounds, Val picked sword while the other two chose parchment, so he opted to go first. Eros and Cupid played a few more rounds before Cupid won, choosing to go second.
They put their heads together to finalize everything, agreeing on the months, what constituted a relationship and a few other minor details.
Just then Frigga came crashing through the door.
“Uh oh, here comes friggin’ Frigga,” muttered Eros.
“Yeah, no kidding, the Norse know-it-all,” sighed Cupid.
“Hey guys, or should I say ‘Hey gods’ to you all? How are you doing?”
“Fine.” “OK.” Came the less than enthusiastic responses.
“What brings you three symbols of love together today?”
“We were just talking, drinking some mead and came up with a little wager to see which of the three of us can get Joe Cuthbert to tumble and fall in love.”
“You three? Really? Joe is so way out of your league,” she laughed. “Only a good, Norse love goddess like me has a chance with Joe.”
“Oh, you’re so full of it,” responded Eros.
“Now, now, that’s not a very Christian thing to say to a fellow god or goddess, now is it?” asked Val.
“I’m not Christian, Val, and don’t try to convert me. And Frigga is full of it. She couldn’t win this bet in a million years.”
“So, Eros, what’s the bet, anyway?”
Once they had explained everything to her, she smiled at them and said, “I want in on the action. I’ll show you guys something!”