Dave relaxed on the couch, while the late morning sun beamed in through the open blinds. He had a cold towel on his forehead, and was dressed in his running shorts and a tank top, while perspiration gleamed on his skin. On the TV, old reruns of Saturday morning cartoons played. Autobots battling Decepticons registered on some level in his ears, but his mind was drifting, replaying the feel of Erin’s light little kiss the night before. Suddenly, the cartoons stopped. A white, horizontal line stretched across the TV screen. Weird.
“Do not attempt to adjust your TV…” a voice said, and Dave sat up straight, wondering when this channel had taken up replaying The Outer Limits.
The line went vertical, but then began to pulse in time with Queen’s “We Are the Champions,” which began to blare. He set the laptop aside and stood up. What the hell? Just then, the front door opened, and the sound of two laughing girls filled the entryway.
“Good morning, Dave!” Erin crowed.
Casey followed her in, both of them dressed in cotton pajamas with the top two buttons undone, big fuzzy slippers on their feet. Casey tossed her overnight bag onto a chair, and they each hugged him tightly.
“You know, there really ought to be some kind of control on those things. Unexpectedly taking away a man’s Saturday morning cartoons is a big no no, and a nostalgia killer.”
“We are in control,” Erin said, evilly, “We control the vertical, and the horizontal!”
He sighed, defeated, but not in the least put out.
“I take it you two had fun?” He asked.
“Loads!” Casey answered, and Erin stifled a giggle.
“We got you a present!” Erin said, digging in her purse.
“If it’s a World’s Greatest Grandpa mug, you can keep it.”
“It’s only slightly better than that.”
She handed him a little black box. He took it, opened it. A set of shimmering contacts lay within.
“Are these…those things?”
The two girls swiped and poked at the air, and Dave watched as the color drained from their eyes, leaving them empty, black, and soulless. They approached him slowly.
“Dave…” Erin droned, “Join us, Dave…”
“It will be good for you, father,” Casey added, “You must join uuuusss…”
Despite how horrifying the effect was, Dave let loose a guffaw that had his belly hurting.
“Stop it! Jesus, that’s the creepiest thing. And no hearts!”
They poked the air, and their eyes returned to their normal colors.
“Put them in, Dave!” Erin cried excitedly, practically bouncing.
Dave took the box into the bathroom and removed his contacts, replaced them with the Haloes, and popped one of the accompanying earbuds into his ear. The sensation in his ear caught him off guard as the earbud seemed to expand, fitting itself tightly into his ear canal. A few seconds later, a glowing letter “H” hovered in the air in front of him.
“Too cool!” He exclaimed, and walked back to the living room.
The girls watched him anxiously as he went through the setup steps, then the Haloes asked him for a name.
“Suggestions?” He asked.
“Jarvis!” Casey said.
“No!” Erin cried, “Come on, Dave, you big nerd. If you don’t name them Hal, I will actually kick you in the balls.”
Dave grinned, and said, “Hal.”
“Hello Dave. I’m Hal.” A voice said in his ear, and it was a perfect match.
“Wow!” He exclaimed, “How did it know what Hal sounds like?”
“They’ve got perfect replicas of every pop culture AI built-in, of course.”
“This is wild!” He had a cheesy grin plastered on his face.
“Dave,” Erin said, and stood bouncing on her feet in front of him, “let me in. Leah, connect to Dave’s Halo.”
A message popped up in his vision, asking for permission for Erin to share his view. He accepted.
“Ok, she said. I’m ready. Do it.”
Dave looked at her quizzically.
“Do it! Do it! Do it!” She repeated, her whole body quivering, eyes wide like some little anime girl.
“Open the pod bay doors, Hal.”
“I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t do that.”
Dave chuckled, and Erin giggled, hands covering her mouth in glee.
“Again!” She cried.
“Hal, open the pod bay doors.”
“I’m sorry, Dave. I can’t do that.”
She laid her hand on his chest and whispered, “Did you just have a little nerdgasm, too?”
He nodded his head, jaw slack.
“No. Not again,” Erin said softly, “Save it.”
He nodded again.
Casey rolled her eyes, and said, “Geeks. I’m going to have a shower.”
“I’m next,” Erin said.
“You wanna walk me through the rest of this?” Dave asked her.
While Casey went to shower, Erin and Dave finished setting up the Haloes. She jabbered excitedly, showing him features and functions, how to set up quick access, and generally playing around. Dave was enthralled. It was like half the sci-fi novels he’d read growing up were suddenly real, and then it dawned on him that he was about to witness people leaving for another planet in only two days.
Erin saw the faraway look on his face.
“What is it?” She asked.
“It just kind of hit me that all my childhood fantasies about spaceships and cool tech just became real life. You know, when I was your age–”
Erin groaned dramatically.
“When I was your age,” He continued, “I never would have dreamed that I’d be alive to see something like this, but damned if I didn’t just become some sort of cyborg. It’s just, kinda nuts.”
“It’s all moving so fast,” Erin agreed, “Personally, I think it makes you value more, the people you have around you. Even if they are cyborgs.”
“Ok. Epiphany over,” he said, “Continue showing me cool stuff, please.”
Dave fed them sandwiches for lunch, during which he was treated to the sight of the girls, once again, in tiny panties and their pajama tops. He still felt like a guilty pervert, but he had to admit that it was enjoyable.
After lunch, he lounged on the couch, flicking through Halo menus and exploring his new toy. The sound of footsteps running down the stairs drew his attention, and he sat up, curious. Erin burst into the room, her hair whipping behind her.
“They’re coming out of the walls!” She cried, and dove behind the armchair.
“What?”
“Leah! Draft Dave into the war!”
A message popped up in his vision, stating, “Erin has requested you join the fight for freedom.”
He tapped yes. A giant mechanical spider crawled over the end of the couch in front of him. He yelled and fell off the couch. He looked up, and the thing skittered menacingly toward him, and then it exploded into a shower of sparks.
“Die!” Erin shouted.
Dave looked over at her, She wore a cowboy hat and held a smoking laser pistol in her hand. What the fuck was happening? Erin skirted the armchair and kneeled beside him.
“I’ve got you, Dave, but they’re holding Casey hostage. It’s up to us!”
“Jesus! What are they?”
“Mechanorachnids, and the queen has got Casey!”
Dave sat up, and noticed that he had a pistol in his own hand. He grinned like a kid, and felt like one, too. He pointed his pistol over Erin’s shoulder and blasted another spider as it crawled over the armchair, feeling a thrill of delight as it vanished in a puff of sparks. Together, they got to their feet. He had to admit that it was a little odd seeing Erin wearing a cowboy hat, pajama top, and thin panties, while she blasted mechanical spiders into dust, but the effect was kind of sexy.
A wave of spiders poured down the stairs, and together they blasted through them, sparks flying into the air, evaporating as they fought their way up the steps. On the landing, a gigantic mechanorachnid with glowing ruby eyes blocked the way. They blasted it with the pistols, but they had little effect on the gleaming, metal body.
“Go for the eyes!” Erin said, and they took aim.
The creature hissed in fury as 2, then 4, then 6 of its horrid eyes exploded in puffs of red dust. It thrashed, keeled over, and then burst into sparks.
“Was that the queen?” Dave asked, as they crept up the steps.
Erin poked her head around the corner, gulped, and then said, “Nope…”
Dave leaned over her and looked, “Shit!”
Guarding Casey’s door was a hulking black mass with jointed, razor-sharp legs. It had two heads that swiveled back and forth watchfully, gleaming red eyes attentive for intruders. Dave and Erin glanced at each other, nodded, and then split up, drawing the gaze of those sweeping eyes in both directions, firing at the glittering rubies. The thing screeched in pain as they blasted out its eyes, its legs flailing.
Jesus, it looked real, Dave thought, and the creature stood up on its hind legs, protecting its remaining eyes. A bolt of blue fire arced through the air, striking Erin in the shoulder, and she went down, crying, “I’m hit!” Dave saw smoke rising from her shoulder, but she rolled away from a second blast, and came up on one knee, firing her pistol in rapid succession. On the creature’s abdomen, Dave glimpsed a swirling, blue crystal. He took careful aim, fired, and saw the crystal burst into a million blue shards. The queen collapsed, her mechanical legs folding beneath her as the light faded from her eyes. She evaporated into a thick black cloud and swirled away. Erin hobbled toward Casey’s door, which was coated in shiny, translucent webs. She fired her pistol, and the webs burned away. Casey came rushing out of the room, and threw herself into Erin’s embrace.
“My hero!” She cried.
“It was a team effort.” Erin admitted, rubbing her smoking wound.
Casey hugged Dave, giving him a peck on the cheek. Dave returned the embrace, careful to keep his sweaty hands from groping her ass. In his Haloes, a stat screen appeared, showing his shots fired, hits, misses, and score.
“Old man’s got skills!” Erin said, “Deadeye Dave, we’ll call you.”
Dave grinned like a maniac and blew smoke from his pistol.
“Next time, you’re the hostage.” Casey said to her.
“That was a…blast!” Dave said, and the girls groaned.
“Hey, now that we’ve saved the world, I have some last minute shopping to do for the trip. You?”
“I could use a few things.” Dave agreed.
“Are pants required?” Casey asked.
“We could wear bikinis!” Erin suggested.
Dave flushed, and added, “I need a shower.”
The next morning, Dave found himself wedged into a middle seat on the plane between the girls. They shared a movie in their Haloes during the flight, getting odd looks from the people across the aisle, as the three of them stared off, seemingly at nothing, and chuckled to themselves. Dave didn’t care. The kid in him was practically bouncing out of his seat with excitement. The last few days had made him feel so young. Now, with the prospect of a childhood dream coming true, and his new cyborg eyes, he really did feel like a kid. He’d been as horny as one, too, unfortunately. He didn’t remember a time when he’d jerked off so frequently, as he had these past few days.