accepted that it would never be enough, as much as I could give her, and that tears me up, Tom. That has made me feel insecure over time, but I finally understood Chrissie,” I breathed, trying not to break down, all the uncertainty tumbling from my heart.
“But, you’re here now. Only WE can make her complete. And that’s what I want, Tom. I want her to be complete. Only you can…if you choose. Chrissie is a complex person, Tom,” she laughed.
“So, is she worth the time and trouble? For me, she is. Is one person worth the effort? To me, she is. Is she that special? To me, she is. Only you know if she is to you, also.
“You see, Tom, like Chrissie, I see us as a whole. I see the potential of us. We all can fill each other. Now, these are early days, so I don’t know what, if anything, you need, and you don’t know what I need, if anything. The big question is, do YOU need anyone else to make YOU feel complete? All I do know is that my life feels more complete with her, and with you in it. I’ve lived with the joy and love she has had for you, all these years.
“If I can help fill that elusive part of her, that empty part, I will. So yes, I will share her heart, her love, her life because by doing that, I’m with this incredibly soulful, beautiful woman. And I believe that by helping Chrissie become complete, I, too, will become complete. This isn’t all about her. It’s about me, and hopefully… you. When I was happy with David, I never felt what I feel with Chrissie. She brought so much to me,’ I said, hopefully explaining all these deep emotions.
“Can I say something? I feel like I’m getting beat up here!” Chrissie said, exasperated.
“You are, Chrissie. These are the consequences of your, I’ll say, untruths,” Tom almost spat back.
Chrissie POV
“Okay. I get it. Thank you, Em, for all the beautiful words. I feel I don’t deserve you after all I’ve put you through, and now Tom.
“So how do I heal us? I’m lost. Time, for me, is the only answer to that. It’s true what Em said, I do need you both. I don’t know why. Truly, I don’t. So, where do you fit in? You’re that missing piece, Tom. YOU make this all complete. You make me complete,” I carefully said.
“Would just you alone complete me? I…I don’t know. I think Em said it more succinctly, I’m a more complex person than people imagined. I’m not saying that as an excuse for my actions, okay? I think this has been, in part, because of you and my feelings for you, all these years. But yes, even after the short time we have been together, I see it. I see us, and all you give to me. I only hope I have given you the same,” I admitted.
“Yes, I’m a coward. I should have done something years ago. I’m more sorry than you can imagine. But we have a chance, the three of us, to do this. It’s not some distorted ego trip, either. I do not get off on two people loving me, I haven’t looked for that. I’m not that insecure that I need everyone to love me. My ‘insecurity’ is deeper than that. I believe it stems from you, Tom. My attractions and love for you, if truth be told. I can’t help the way I feel. I can change who I am, but not how I feel.”
“I know I’m putting you both in an unbearable position. I
understand that. And I know there are all these ‘what-ifs’ still hanging over our heads, the biggest being, what if you two do not like each other or can’t or won’t get along? Hmm? Are you going to feel you have to, just for me? That’s another shitty position I’ve put you both in. Fuck it, I’ll sell the kids and just go be a fucking nun, okay? That would sort everything out,” I laughed.
“I know my actions say otherwise, but I am not a devious person, Tom. I’m…I’m just looking for love. And I’ve found it, with you both. I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, Tom. I don’t. I guess it goes back to what Em said, is it worth it? Am I worth it? That’s all it really comes to,” I said, drained by the outpouring of emotion.
“So. Where do we go from here? How do we move forward?” Tom asked sincerely.
“Forgiveness, for starts,” I sighed, my eyes welling up, too.
………………………………………………………………………………
“So, I can forgive, but that will come with time. Anything you could do to repair this? What about Emily and me? How do we move
forward knowing that our decision, our relationship will shape this whole thing? How do we move forward knowing that our
relationship was planned instead of chosen? That’s a lot of pressure you’ve put on us, Chrissie. Will it be real or forced? How do we express our true feelings for one another, knowing in the back of our minds, if it doesn’t work, three people are going to be hurt? Fuck, Chrissie,” I said, my temper barely under control.
“Okay, maybe it can be construed as being selfish, thinking of just myself, and my happiness, but I have acted this way for us all. I can promise you both that it stops now. Would you believe me? Probably not. My actions would though, and that’s what I’m prepared to do for you both. Show you, really show what I want to be like, how I want to live and be. But, we could also begin to start here. Start to work on the important issues. Do you genuinely like and care for each other? Do you see a future with each other…and me?” Chrissie asked, scared of what our answers would be.
“Tom, when you kiss Em, was it real or forced. Do you feel
attraction towards Em? And, what attraction? Is it physical or deeper?” Chrissie breathed.
“And Em, I’ll ask you the same. Do you like kissing Tom and the
affection he gives you? Is it to please me, or yourself? I know it may be hard for you to distinguish between the two because of what you’re going through with David but still…” Chrissie asked, with trepidation.
“Do you see, in each other, the potential for a fulfilling, loving
relationship with each other? Is he filling anything for you?” she
continued.
“Great, Emily. Now we get to pull each other apart. Now WE get put on the spot,” I said harshly, still deeply hurt.
“Behave, Tom. I’m being serious!” Chrissie said.
“Oh, I think we both know that!” I snapped back.
Chrissie ignored my barb. “So, Tom. Can you answer my question? How do you feel about Em? We need to be honest here, all right? Yeah, I know, I’m the one who’s going on about honesty, I get the irony. If you guys don’t truly don’t think this will work, then we go to the next option. Tell you what, neither one of you answer, okay? Not yet. It’s not fair to ask you to answer right now. Sorry,” Chrissie sobbed lightly.
Emily POV
“No, Chrissie. I can answer your question, okay? In all honesty? Yes. I can definitely see it happening. Tom, I know we’ve just met, and Chrissie is not going to want to hear this, but I find you an
attractive and completely desirable man. What I do know of you from, Chrissie, well, I’ve said this before, if she’s this much in love with you, that’s a pretty good barometer of the kind of guy you are. I see how she has changed just in the short time you’ve been here. I see the way you act and treat her. I’ve said it to her, I’m jealous,” I giggled.