The dance was just amazing. Our committee did a great job with the decorations and the gym looked spectacular. I had a wonderful time dancing with Michael and talking to all of his friends. Jim was also at the dance and I knew he was just a little resentful that his little sister, an underclassmen, was at his senior homecoming dance. He was with some girl who Michael told me was from the school we had just played.
I wasn’t sure where the girl was because Jim approached Michael and I by himself while we were sitting out a song that we didn’t feel like dancing to.
“So, enjoying the dance Mike?” Jim said, without even looking at me.
It pissed me off that my own brother wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence.
“Yeah, we’re having a great time,” Mike responded.
“So, where’s the tart that you’re here with?” I said saucily.
Jim shot me a dirty look.
“In the bathroom, I think.” He paused while appraising my dress, “speaking of tarts, I don’t think that’s the dress that mom picked out for you to wear tonight.”
Touche, you bastard.
“Well, everyone here seems to like it, besides you of course,” I said in a syrupy sweet voice.
“You’re just the sophomore slut of the ball aren’t you.”
Michael gave Jim a stern look, tensed up, and clenched his fists.
“I know she’s your sister, but she’s also my girlfriend, so watch how you talk to her.” he said in a deep, gravelly voice.
Michael had at least seventy pounds on my brother, and even though I never witnessed it, he was also rumored to have a quick temper and Jim expeditiously backed down. My brother and I talked shit and ribbed each other like this constantly. Notwithstanding, Jim’s little jabs at my expense didn’t sit well with my boyfriend.
“I was just teasing her, besides, I have to get back to my date anyway. I know she doesn’t look like much, but she puts out.”
I shot Jim a dirty look. The girl he was with was actually really pretty.
“Yeah, you do that,” Michael said, giving my brother one last hard-nosed look as he walked away.
Michael turned and we faced each other.
“I like your brother Mel, and he’s one of my best friends, but sometimes he can be a real asshole.”
I smiled.
“He’s okay, provided he’s taken in limited doses.”
He leaned in and kissed me.
Michael diffused the situation with Jim so quickly.
I knew there was a reason why I kept this guy around.
Aside from the little dust-up with my brother, I was having an amazing evening. However, the jubilant times were tempered by the fact that Alyssa had been on my mind all night and I felt very distracted. Thankfully, Michael didn’t seem to notice. He took me out to a really nice restaurant after the game and he even talked about getting a hotel room for us after the dance, but I was able to talk him out of it. I have to admit, it made me feel guilty like I wasn’t ‘taking care’ of my boyfriend. But to be honest, on that night, he just wasn’t what I wanted.
Michael dropped me off at Alyssa’s house around midnight. She was watching TV alone in the living room because her parents and little sisters had already gone to bed.
I told her about the dance, but I tried not to make a big deal about it because I knew she wanted to go, but couldn’t.
“So, did Michael get lucky tonight?” She asked with a smile.
I grinned.
“He didn’t get all the way laid, but I did take care of him. I told him I was on my period, but I promised to make it up to him next week.”
Having sex with him didn’t do much for me anyway, so giving him a blowjob in the parking lot of our school was a quick and simple solution.
“You’re just straight-up devious.”
We exchanged smiles and there were a few moments of comfortable silence, until…
“Could we talk about last weekend, Mel?”
My heart skipped a beat. I knew exactly what she was referring to, but I decided to feign ignorance.
“Sure, we can talk about anything.”
She paused as if trying to find the right words.
“Do you ever think about being with a woman?”
Now it was my turn to struggle and attempt to find something meaningful to say.
“I’ve always admired women’s bodies, whether at school, in a Cosmo, or looking through my dad’s stack of ‘hidden’ Playboys in the back of his closet that he thinks no one knows about.”
I took a deep breath.
“To be honest Alyssa, yes it’s something that I’ve thought about.”
It felt strange giving voice to my bisexual feelings, especially to my best friend. It was something that I didn’t even like to think about or admit to myself.
“On Saturday night, were you thinking about me?” She paused and looked directly into my eyes, “because I was thinking about you.”
I took a deep breath.
“Yes, I was thinking about you, but it just raises so many questions for me.”
“Let’s talk about them, then.”
I paused for a moment, I didn’t even know where to begin. Additionally, I could tell this was something she really wanted, and it was obvious she had thought about this a lot more than I had.
I tried to collect my thoughts.
“The first thing that I know for certain is that it would have to be between you and I, no one else could ever know about it.”
“Of course Mel, that goes without saying. I wouldn’t want anyone to know about it either.”
That gave me some relief, at least we were on the same page about that.
“Okay then, what about Andy and Michael? If you and I… you know… would that be cheating on them, or do you think we should break up with them?”
She thought for a moment.
“I’m crazy about Andy and I know you like Michael. I’m not saying we should break up with them. I suppose it would be cheating, but I’m willing to do it if you are.”
“It’s not like we’d be going behind their backs and sleeping with their best friends, right?”
She smiled.
“Exactly.”
I was quickly discovering that Alyssa and I could talk each other into almost anything. Just contemplating having sex with a woman was scary to me and it seemed like such a monumental decision. The more I contemplated my bisexual feelings, the more I knew it was something I didn’t want to just haphazardly do.
“Well, what do you think, Mel?” Alyssa said, breaking me out of my thoughts.
“I need time to think about it and make sure it’s what I want, please don’t be mad at me.”
She smiled.
“You’ve always been way too analytical, but I understand if you need time and I’m more than happy to wait for you.”
Unknowingly, I had condemned myself to another restless, sleepless night. Laying in bed next to the woman I was attracted to, yet doing nothing about it, was excruciating. Yet, I held firm. It was a big decision, and I wanted to make sure that if I decided to do it, it wouldn’t be something I’d regret later.
Day 1
It was another long week and my thoughts were monopolized by Alyssa. She was coming over to my house on Friday night and we’d be able to set some things straight, so to speak. We agreed not to discuss being together at school because we were afraid our friends might overhear us, which could potentially get the rumor mill started.
I lived in a very large house and my parents slept downstairs in the master bedroom and we had four bedrooms upstairs which afforded Jim and I a lot of privacy. It was about eleven o’clock and my parents were already in bed asleep and Jim was out doing God-knows-what, or who.