“Well, start dating Phyllis,” I said, “and that’s exactly what will happen.” I had never before walked such a fine line between love and hate. Of course, I didn’t hate him, I loved him and wanted to say it so bad it hurt. But then, not to hear it back would have crushed me even more. Apparently, he didn’t love me back, not when he had this thing for Phyllis. Of all people.
He rubbed my back, trying to comfort me when I began to cry. “I don’t want to lose you,” he said.
“Yet you’re willing to risk that by seeing Phyllis,” I said between sobs. I reached over and grabbed a tissue from the box on the night table. “Where do I stand with you, Nathan? Where exactly do I stand?”
He didn’t answer right away. He held me, while planting soft kisses on my shoulders and neck. I felt totally confused. He showed me all this affection, yet he wanted to date another woman. And not just any woman but one he once held in such contempt. What was up with that? Sex? Could be, I thought. “You want to sleep with Phyllis? Is that what this is about? Or have you already done that?”
“No, I haven’t slept with her,” he said. “We took a bike ride. Like I said, she didn’t seem to care if I kept seeing you.”
“That’s mighty generous of her, Nathan, but that’s not me. She doesn’t…” Ohmygod, I was trying like hell not to express my deepest feelings. But it was an exercise in futility, like holding tight to something until you became too tired to hold on and then your grip gives out.
“She doesn’t what?”
Unable to hold back any longer, the damn finally broke. “She doesn’t love you like I do. In fact, I bet she doesn’t love you at all. But I do, I damn sure do, with all my heart, with all my being.” I paused and shook my head. “I must be crazy for loving you.”
After a few moments of uncontrolled sobbing, I managed to pull myself together enough to say this: “Look, I know you don’t love me back. And if that’s the case–″
“Hold on,” he said, grabbing my shoulders. “That’s where you’re wrong. I DO love you. Yes, I know how phony that must sound to you right now, but it’s the truth. I told you about Phyllis because we’ve always been honest with one another. I’m not a guy who sneaks around. I am a guy, like most guys, who sometimes thinks with his penis.”
I shook my head. “You think Phyllis Denu is that hot?”
“She’s…Look, it’s entirely subjective. She’s not hot in the way you are, not even close.”
“But she’s hot enough in your eyes to where you want to sleep with her. Right?”
He sighed, then took a few moments to answer. “Not enough to where I’d do it if it means losing you. I hope you can trust me after telling you this.”
I was about to tell him no way. More than that, I was close to throwing on my clothes and storming out. But then I thought that most guys wouldn’t have been so honest. They wouldn’t have told me about the Other Woman. They would have gone where ever their cock told them to go, and not said a word. They’d have their cake and eat it too. I mean, we weren’t married, weren’t even engaged. Weren’t even going steady. He could have kept it all to himself. But he didn’t, and I had to respect that.
I turned to him and said, “Do you mean what you said, Nathan? About loving me, I mean.”
“I absolutely do,” he insisted. You’re my main squeeze, my only squeeze.” He then wrapped his arms around me, held me until I stopped crying. I just hoped that I could STAY his only squeeze. Phyllis seemed not only pompous and condescending but manipulative. She was pretty, I had to admit, and she had that college degree. If given the chance, she’d probably rub it in my face, figuratively if not literally.
After Nathan assured me that he wouldn’t see Phyllis outside of cycling–and especially after he said he loved me, the rest of the weekend went great. From almost storming out of his townhouse, I slept over as I normally did. He told me he loved me a few more times before I drove back to Pennsylvania on Sunday afternoon. What do they say about trust? Earned, not given, and so far, because Nathan had been so upfront, he’d earned my trust.
Nathan
‘Take all the time you need,’ Phyllis had said. After that last date with Amanda, I didn’t need any more time. I loved the chick, no doubt about it, and I wasn’t going to jeopardize what we had by sneaking around.
The Thursday evening after that Saturday with Amanda, Phyllis showed up for another group ride. We were now “good,” so there wasn’t the tension that hung in the air when we met for the first time after the party. Joined this time by six other riders, we rode an uneventful thirty miles, then returned to the parking lot. It was then that Phyllis pressed the issue about us possibly getting together. “Have you decided what you want to do?” she asked while racking her bike.
When I told her that it was better that we just stay platonic friends, she spun around. “You’re kidding! After that hot make-out and the great chemistry we have between us. I can’t believe you.”
Her harsh reaction surprised me. Apparently, the patience and understanding she showed in Rocky Woods State Park was all pretense. “Look, I know you said that me seeing Amanda didn’t bother you,” I said. “But–″
“I didn’t say it didn’t bother me,” she cut in, “I implied that I was willing to overlook it. What happened over the weekend that changed your mind so fast? Did you bring this up with Amanda?”
“Yeah. She won’t stick around if I begin seeing you.”
Phyllis rolled her eyes. “Duh. I’m shocked, totally shocked that Amanda wouldn’t go for it, Why would you even tell her in the first place?”
I was starting to get annoyed. “You really wanna know? I love Amanda, and I wouldn’t feel right sneaking around. Even if she never found out, I’d hate myself for doing it. She trusts me, and I’m not going to do anything that would betray her trust. I’m loyal. Simple as that.”
Of course, it wasn’t that simple because my carnal side was pulling me in another direction, one toward where Phyllis wanted me to go. I still found her incredibly alluring. Her feisty assertiveness also turned me on in a strange way, as much as her fabulous body, verbal acumen and intellectual depth. She sensed it, too, sensed it in my eyes, the way they flitted over her body and the way my mouth moved in anticipation of tasting goodies long desired.
She stepped closer and said, “One night in bed with me and all your so-called love and loyalty to that secretary will go out the window. Take my word for it.” She stuck her hand under her jersey and began to massage her breasts. “Just think, Nathan, you could be doing this to me, rubbing and sucking on my firm boobies, licking my hot, hungry pussy and then getting between my legs, between my sexy quads that you like so much, while your big cock does what I bet your big cock can do very well.” She reached out and felt the bulge in my crotch. “So, big guy, is it a date? Now kiss me.”
My resistance was at the breaking point. My “big cock,” (not really that big, but who was I to argue?) was getting bigger and that electricity that courses through your body in anticipation of these things made me shiver. I was braced on the launchpad, my fuel burning with desire, primed for takeoff. It was all systems go. Ready for launch.