I nodded and then continued.
“They basically said that Katie had wanted to fuck Jake all along, and she had told them that I could not fuck her as well as Jake could, I could not give her the orgasms that he could, that I had a small dick and she missed his big cock. They said Katie had told them all this and then they arranged for her to meet and fuck Jake because of that.”
“I know that wasn’t easy Greg, but it’s about to get a whole lot harder. At least now we are to the heart of the issues that you will need to deal with if you are to move forward.”
“That I need to deal with? Wouldn’t Katie need to deal with this too?”
“Yes, she has been through her sessions. Katie is also having to deal with a whole range of other things though that you will not have to.”
“Like what? The guilt she feels I guess?”
“Amongst others, yes.”
“Okay, are you ready? This will be difficult for you but it is essential that you answer honestly and thoughtfully. You can take a bit of time to answer each one.”
Dr Forsyth then looked down at her notes to read from them.
“First one is that Katie had said that you could not fuck her as well as Jake could. Do you believe that to be true?”
“I would assume so, or why else would she have bothered with all this?”
“How did that make you feel to know another man could fuck the woman you love better than you could?”
“I felt hurt and betrayed that she thought so little our relationship that it came down to whether or not I could fuck her as well as he did. That she was prepared to destroy what we had because she enjoyed fucking him more. It hurt.”
Dr Forsyth wrote down some notes, then looked back up to me.
“I will tell you that this took quite some time to work through with Katie in her sessions. However, I do think there may be a disconnect here between how you think Katie felt and with what Katie actually felt.”
“Both you and Katie have told me previously that throughout your relationship you enjoyed sex daily, sometimes more. And I used the word ‘enjoyed’ Greg because do you honestly think that Katie would have had sex with you so often if it was something she did not enjoy?”
“I could never get my head around why we had sex so much when it was another guy she wanted. I wondered if it was because she felt guilty, but we had sex just as much before she started seeing him as well. I just honestly don’t know.”
“Well I will lay your mind to rest, Katie did enjoy having sex with you Greg, very much so. We will get into why Katie wanted to have sex with Jake, and why she told her friends that as well.”
I let out a big breath, this was getting more difficult.
“Next is that you could not provide her with the orgasms that he could. Were you able to make Katie have orgasms?”
“Not during intercourse. It was something that bugged me for a while, we tried so hard to get her to have vaginal orgasms but she could never manage to have them.”
“How did you feel to know that she could have those orgasms with Jake, that he could give her those when you could not?”
“For a long while I felt like I was a poor lover, that it was my fault. I had a complete lack of self-confidence for quite a while.”
“What changed that?”
“When I eventually had another relationship, I was able to get her to consistently orgasm during intercourse. It was a weight lifted off my shoulders. It wasn’t that I was not good enough to give Katie an orgasm, it was just that she needed something different to me to provide those for her.”
“You have given this some thought, haven’t you?”
“Far too much unfortunately.”
“Okay Greg you’re doing really well. Just one more. This one is that Katie had said you have a small dick and that she had missed Jake’s big cock. How does that make you feel to be compared to her lover and found wanting?”
“Inadequate, Emasculated. My self-esteem, my male pride or ego or whatever, they were pretty much destroyed to know that Katie thought that my dick was small, that it was pathetic.”
“Was it Katie that used the word ‘pathetic’ to describe your dick, or is that how you think she feels about the size of your dick?”
“How I think she feels about it, I guess. I think her friends said Katie told them she wasn’t happy with my small dick.”
“Not happy with it or just that it was small?”
“Why would Katie talk about my dick being small to her friends if she wasn’t happy with it?”
“I will get to that shortly, let’s move on.”
“Alright, what about the fact Katie had told her friends about your small dick, did being exposed like that by the person you loved and trusted the most, did that have an effect on you?”
“Yes, I felt like Katie and her friends were ridiculing me, mocking and belittling me. But what hurt the most was that Katie showed so little respect for me. That she would tell her friends these things. No, she didn’t just tell them, they said she was complaining to them about these things. That made it even worse to know that Katie was that disappointed with me sexually, that it was enough for her to start complaining to her friends about it.”
“Okay, well done Greg. Just take a moment to gather your thoughts.”
Dr Forsyth continued to add notes for the next two minutes, then looked back up to me before talking.
“Greg, the sessions I had with Katie, we spent a lot of time just trying to get to the point where Katie could be honest with herself and with me about why she was fucking Jake. It will explain why she told or ‘complained’ I think is the term you said they used, to her friends about what were her sexual frustrations at the time.”
“First off Greg, did you ever get a reason from Katie as to why she was having sex outside your relationship?”
“No, not really. Katie said they were just sexually good together, that she could not deny him or some bullshit at the time.”
“Understandable, I don’t think Katie really knew the reasons why when she told you those things. I don’t think she understood what her motives were, just that she had them.”
“It took Katie almost two complete sessions for her to understand the nature of her relationship with Jake, how it evolved from when they first started having sex, to why she craved it again during your marriage. Hopefully it will clear a few things up for you.”
“First thing is yes, Jake is according to Katie, very well endowed. Now I’m not stating this to make you feel bad Greg, just bear with me. When they first started having sex Katie said it was extremely painful, also that she felt like she was bad at sex, that she was letting Jake down because she struggled greatly to only be able to take some of his penis inside of her.”
“Katie said she then slowly learned that she could relax her vagina to allow more of his penis to penetrate her. Katie said she could achieve this by allowing herself to want this, to want more of him by submitting to it. To him. She explained that when she did this she was able to take him in much deeper, but that in doing so also allowed her to get a great deal of pleasure from it.”
“She explained it as having to be in a particular mindset so she could enjoy it, and when she did the pleasure she got from it was like nothing she had experienced via masturbation. Katie said that she could orgasm repeatedly during sex. But that it was not the size of his penis that provided all that pleasure, or not only the size, but rather the fact she had to allow herself to submit to him to get her pleasure.”