“That’s good. Look Ana thinks that I will only need the one more session before we wrap up with our joint sessions next week.”
“Good, look Greg a big part of why I’m calling is also I wanted to know what you are doing on Saturday night? If you would like to go to a movie with me?”
I was silent, this would be us having an actual ‘date’ for the first time since our divorce. Katie I’m sure could sense my apprehension.
“It doesn’t have to be a date Greg, just us being friends going to see a movie like we used to.”
“No, it’s alright Katie, it can be a date if you would like it to be. I will pick you up at 7pm and we can share a large popcorn and soda like we used to.”
“Thanks Greg, I would love that.”
“See you Saturday then, bye Katie.”
“Bye Greg.”
——————-
I sat down in Dr Forsyth’s office to begin my second session, Ana was again quickly reviewing her notes before starting the conversation.
“So today Greg, we are going to work on the outstanding issues to overcome for you to be in a place where you could move forward either with or without Katie.
Those issues mainly boil down to the two main items.”
“First the lack of respect you felt from Katie which also ties together with her breaking of trust between you and her betrayal of your relationship. These I think can be tackled as one single item.”
“The second is that you feel you cannot fulfill Katie’s sexual needs, that you are sexually inadequate for her.”
Ouch. Just hearing Ana boil it down to that and say it aloud hurt.
“Okay Greg, you are a smart guy and I know you have given your relationship break-up with Katie a lot of thought. So can you answer me this question, did you ever come to a conclusion after the break-up on why Katie showed you such little respect in taking a lover, in betraying your love for her?”
“Only that her sexual gratification outweighed the risk of losing me. That she didn’t love me as deeply as I loved her.”
“Okay but that’s two different conclusions. Do you still believe that Katie’s love for you did not match your love for her?”
I thought about that for a moment, knowing how we were together, knowing all that Katie has gone through since, how she has waited for me. It was clear to me she always loved me like I loved her.
“No, I think she does love me. I think it was easier for me to accept what happened if I could simply think that her love for me was not the same or less than what I had for her.”
“So do you want to retract or change your second conclusion?”
“Yes, remove it.”
“That leaves us with you feeling that she was placing her sexual gratification over your relationship together. Would you agree?”
“Yes.”
Ana went back to her notes, added a few then looked back up to me.
“So you do realize then that our two items are basically now just one?”
“Yes, I’m aware of that.”
“So, what we have to address Greg, is how can you overcome your feelings that you are not good enough sexually for Katie, and her need for sexual gratification that you cannot provide her.”
“And I want to be clear Greg, this is not about whether you are actually good or not performing sexually. Both Katie and I’m sure your girlfriends since Katie would attest to you being good enough to be able to please them sexually. This part is about is your belief that you are not good enough for Katie sexually, for you to be able to find ways to overcome that.”
“Well, I’m not sure I will ever be able to satisfy Katie the way she needs, the way Jake did, so I don’t know how we progress past that.”